"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."

My Journal - SpiNips

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Posted

Hello! I'm SpiNips and I come from Finland. About six months ago I came to the conclusion that it would be better for me to live or at least try to live without games. Gaming was the problem and my solution for the problem, so in the end I didn't get anywhere.

When I first decided to quit, I managed to go 88 days without gaming. Those were miserable months for me. While some areas of my life improved I didn't find any new hobbies and I ended up spending nearly every day of the autumn going Sleep-School-Internet, and that was really hurting my wellbeing. I felt that I was doing worse than I ever had, despite having a big streak on NoGaming and Nofap. I felt too tired to really make any change. I didn't have any friends to go out with since most of my friends played games, and other friends were busy with their lives.

Thank god, the Summer break begun. Finally I had time to solely focus on my life and myself. I went on a couple of really nice camps, got new friends and energy. I talked to my family about the feelings I had and that helped me refocus. I felt I was doing so good that I decided that a few rounds of BF4 couldn't hurt. And suddenly I found myself playing all day. I played my old favourite games like LoL and M&B.

I played for five days, but this time I was sharper than I was before. This time I had the strength to just say no. I permanently deleted my LoL account and also uninstalled steam and all other games. I also joined a BJJ club. The best decision in a long time!

Where am I now? I feel that I've made progress. My self confidence has gone up. I'm also doing a lot better than I was during those 88 days. Still I feel that there is something bothering me. Something in my life thats missing or something. I've watched plenty of Ted talks discussing happiness and wellbeing. Idk maybe I'll find it if I keep looking.

But yeah here is quite a big wall of text. It seems that I still got some work to do on my writing skills ^_^. Writing it helps me to understand a bit where I'm going. I hope that you enjoy reading my Journal.

SpiNips

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Posted

Hey! Great to have your journal up here! You're definitely on the right track. Progress happens slowly over time. Quitting games is the start of a new journey, it's the building of your new life. So just focus one day at a time and keep working towards what you want. :)

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I strongly advice you to read "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg If you haven't so you understand exactly why you stumbled, glad you're back in track keep up the good work.

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I agree that The Power of Habit is an excellent read. Please do keep looking for that missing something! You recognize that there's something missing because you feel it. I think you'll also feel it when you find it.

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Hello! A couple of days have passed. I went out to my local Library and borrowed "The Power of Habit". I also grabbed "The 5th Wave", a decent scifi book in my opinion. The Power of Habit has given me perspective to my situation, still there is a lot of brainstorming I need to do in order to really fill the void left by gaming. Luckily I have made some progress.

First of all I have filled my desire for achievement, goals, natural competition and such with Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Really awesome sport/martial art. It is great and it was a really important thing to me.

But there are still little voids:

  • The social void is currently a bit of a question mark. I have friends and get along generally quite well with people. But for some reason I'm not really so good at organizing social stuff. I just go along with the situations that I find. Now that it is summer break it is quite easy to just message my friends to come play football or such, but when school starts and everyone seems to be busy it's hard to work things out like that. My city is rather small so there are really no "meetup"-groups.
  • Also a void I notice is relaxing, chilling out, winding down, just taking it easy. For some reason I haven't been able to figure a good way to do it on my own. I have tried watching documentaries, wasn't really able to chill. Reading books lihe The 5th Wave was really amazing, but I find mysel just blasting through those books, so I'd need to constantly look for new books. Watching series might be some sort of solution but I'll probably not be able limit them, well who knows, maybe I'll give them a shot too.

Well looking into this really shows me how "perfect" of an activity gaming is. It really fills so many areas of persons requirements. You really have to put focus on finding the activities you enjoy. If you have some suggestions feel free to throw them at me! Thanks and have a nice day!

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Posted

Hey! Great to hear an update. For the social side make sure you watch this video and specifically follow the last suggestion for organizing an event.

Reading many books isn't a bad thing. I read at least 1 book per week. For relaxing I'd also recommend podcasts (like the Tim Ferriss Show and School of Greatness), going for walks, watching TED talks. Honestly, I don't spend a lot of time "relaxing" because I'm so passionate about the projects I'm working on. So I'd encourage you to find something, a goal, that relates to something you can do at home - like programming. For me that was DJing.

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So the school started. It was awesome to meet my old friends and get to know new people. The school week was fine all-in-all. There was only a little misfortune. I got sick. Not anything groundbreaking a little fever, cough and such. But for some reason this little illness has become something that throws me on my knees. I haven't been able to attend my BJJ classes in a week. That annoys me, but the most annoying thing is that I have not been able to go out and play football with my friends. I just don't have the energy to do it, kinda natural since I'm ill. And for some reason the facts that I haven't been able to really hang out with my friends or excercise are killing my mood.

Okay at this point I can kinda see, that maybe I should've tried to find some other activities to do with my friends, but It's a sunny day and they love to play football and swim. This is getting quite hard to explain.

So, I had to say no to my friends, not I'm not able to hang out today since I want to get better. To me that was the most rational thing to do. But for some reason not being able to meet my friends was getting on my nerves. I just lied home watching some guy throwing Super Hot NickelBalls into gummybears and liquid nitrogen. I feel tired and annoyed. Why do I feel that way? Am I just wallowing home in self-pity? Why did I have to get sick? Why can't I be out there with friends? Am I just destined not to be able to do anything about anything? Seems like self-pity to me. What the fuck. Why can't I just accept being sick. Why can't I just bear with the fact that there are and there will be days that I'm not able to do anything like that.

That's a damn lot of why for one incident. I might be overreacting. But anyways IF someone managed to read through all that weeping I congratulate you. Thanks for reading I really appreciate that. Growing up to be an adult is not easy.

TL;DR Got sick -> Not being able to meet my friends or do sports. -> Mood went down and I feel shit. Help?

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Posted

Read it! The best thing you can do when you're sick is to force yourself to sleep as much as possible to get better as soon as you can. Watch documentaries or TED talks if you're in bed so you're still engaged and learning.

You'll be better in a few days and able to go out with your friends. :)

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Posted

Thanks for the kind words! The post is quite a messy one. I used to like these days. I could just play LoL the whole day and not worry entertaining myself. Still need working on my things-to-do home stuff! Changing my habits day-by-day.

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Posted

Absolutely. Remember it's about engagement and interaction, not entertainment. Entertainment falls more on a desire to be "stimulated," whereas engagement/interaction falls on a desire to be fulfilled.

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50th day Game free

Today it has been 50 days since I relapsed. Really nice 50 days, I have to admit! Been making a lot more progress than I was before the Relapse.

I'm slowly starting to feel a little better and so I decided to go play some basketball with my friends. Had really nice time. This is one of the most pleasant changes I've noticed. I can enjoy the moments with my friends a lot better now that I'm not thinking about being home gaming at all. I guess you could say that I have expanded my comfort zone.

Anyways my life seems a lot sunnier today. TED talks gave me some food for thought. I decided not to just fall into self pity. I know its a bad idea to suppress feeling, but I see it more like a way of thinking, so I won't be suppressing any feelings either. An awesome day!

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Posted

Way to go! 50 days is a huge accomplishment! What you're noticing about being able to enjoy "real life" experiences is common - it's a good sign that you're not "pre-occupied" with gaming (one of the signs of "addiction.")

No need to suppress how you feel, instead notice it and choose how you want to feel. There's a subtle difference between suppression and transcension. :)

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Getting Back into to normal routine

Finally. All I wanted when I was sick, was to get back to doing my daily business at full energy. But really is there even such thing as a normal week? I don't really know. Every week I get surprised by all the things that actually happen. When the fall rolls a little further the daily routines will probably start being more actual.

Today was definitely cool! After school I went to a caf

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Hey! Great to hear you're feeling better. Life isn't about having a perfect system setup so you can have the same week every week... it's all about being able to adapt to the situation you are presented with. Think about it like... last week, even though you were sick... how could you have had the best week possible? That might look like laying in bed, sleeping and watching a few documentaries or whatever (you define what "success" means to yourself), but this is what you have to do every week. Your circumstances are constantly going to shift and be different, it's up to you to adapt and make the most of it.

If I were you, I'd go with three years. The faster you can get out of high school the better. Life after high school is very different.

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Posted

Writing this on my phone so I'll keep it short.

Today has been an awesome day once again! I'm feeling that nothing is going to weigh me down. Currently having a tight schedule, but still managing just fine!

The highlight of the day was definitely my Bjj class. Was fun to roll with people after the break.

Tomorrow is going to be fun day as well. I'm currently a tutor so I get to attend an themeday made for people in the first grade. Thats about it! Have nice day!

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