Born to live

[AlexKlesRus]

Quote

Man is born to live and not to prepare to live. Boris Pasternak

My favorite author, actually!

Hello to everyone. My name is Alexander, I’m 29 and I play games almost all of my life. From 6 years old. 
 

My addiction destroys my life slowly but surely, like an anaconda. I’m playing games 20-30 hours per week, with usual consequences - shitty social life, short nights, head full of gaming thoughts... You know.

And I love gaming in broad sense. Computer games are just the tip of the iceberg. I love all games, love progress, love competition.
 

So, that’s annoying. I remember that once I really changed my life and decided not to play computer games anymore! Try to understand my line of thoughts: “Computer games are for stupid people and kids. I don’t play them anymore, cause Im old and smart... and what games do play old and smart people?..”

And after 2 months I found myself as crazy chess addict, that shout on online enemy’s and watch chess tutorials all night long.

And that addiction never really give up. Poker. Chess and checkers. Guitar shredding. Online games, offline games, real card games (I play monopoly like crazy, and usually hate everyone after). Even idle games, my god...

Now I really want to change my life and refuse:

- to play any games! Even chess. 
- to watch news. In my evil country there are a lot of funny (in Mordor sense) news - Putin, wars, political prisoners, poverty, etc 

- to watch YouTube videos (except learning)

I hope that today will be first day of my healthy non gaming life! 

 

 

 

[Zeno]

Welcome to the forum, Alexander!

I was going to ask whether there is a difference for you between playing online and playing in person. I was thinking chess would be a different experience when you're face to face with someone.

You mention playing Monopoly, though, and how much you end up hating those with whom you're playing. That may just be in the nature of Monopoly! Everyone hates everyone when playing that game: too much chance is involved, and once you start falling behind, bankruptcy becomes inevitable.

(I've heard that people in Cuba were once encouraged to play Monopoly in order to experience first-hand the evils of unfettered capitalism!)

Taking a long break from all games might be a good idea, if only because it will give you a chance to think about what you really wanted from them.

From the way you describe yourself, you are fiercely competitive, almost to unhealthy excess. What underlying need does that competitiveness help you to fulfill? Maybe it's to reassure yourself of your own worth, compared to your competitors, or maybe it's something else. Is there some way to meet that need without gaming obsessively and hating everyone else who is playing?

One test might be to try a cooperative in-person game. The one that comes to mind, sadly, is Pandemic, which might be a little too on the nose for the moment. Still, it sets up a very different social dynamic among players who are gathered around a table.

[Jason70]

Hey, 

Welcome to the forums! I wish you luck on your non- gaming journey! It sounds like you already have some good goals set up. What other goals do you have in life?

Best 

Jason

[Finchalot]

Hey Alexander! Good luck on your journey. 

[AlexKlesRus]

Thanks guys! 
Yesterday was a nice day. I don’t play or watch YouTube, so we can call it a victory!)

 

But I’m nervous and bored to death, and hide my PS4 - just to be sure, that my alter ego don’t occasionally play Witcher3. Poor me.

 

I think that main reason for me to play is CONTROL. I see myself in control when I’m playing - levelling up is unavoidable. You just playing and playing, and after some time you are better, stronger, smarter. But it’s illusion and gimmicks of mind.

That’s really hard, but I feel support from you all. Thanks! 
 

My goals now:

- Exercise more. I’m 188cm/95kg now, with 19% fat, so I must run and eat healthy. Meet, vegetables and other antitasty things. Brrrr
- Read books. My goal on this year is to read 48 books (I’ve read 15 now). And I make beautiful drawing conspects in Notability.

- Learn Python. Funny thing, and sometimes I think that I’m stupid cause some themes (linear regression or web development) don’t gave up easily, but I’m working and grinding. And I really want to have a job in IT and travel. 

[TheNewMe2.0]

Hey good job with the goals I read. Those all look good to mee. Uhm you can like practice some form of meditation and or connection with a higher power in order to overcome your hunger pangs as you do calorie restriction/portion control. Also you could try out thinking about Christian Bale who lost like a ton of weight for his role in teh machinist. He said, 'When I felt hungry I just read.'

[AlexKlesRus]

4 days without games. I think I have hangover - symptoms very similar.

[AlexKlesRus]

Another day. Just found myself watching some stupid show on YouTube, and immediately closed it. My brain make tricks on me.
 

Yesterday was on the PARTY - my gf’s mother birthday. Love this woman immensely)))

Russian country looks depressing. 
 

But for 8 days I don’t play, and I’m even sleep more (with all free time). 

 

[Theresa]

Good job on staying away from YouTube and the games. Best of luck on your journey!

[AlexKlesRus]

Didn’t play for more than a month now)