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A new try 2021-02-12, one day at a time


wazzapp
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Posted (edited)

Thanks for replying to my post ❤️ Yes I've truly been Fked up because of my compulsive gaming/ addiction to gaming. Especially when playing alone on the computer. Even chess on mobile turned out really bad for me, dreaming about moves, head spinning, missing out on my life because of constantly looking at the phone or think about chess. 

 

Day 1

New try after x-box with friends yesterday.

We also did some board games which was awesome, betrayal on house hill ❤️

New day new possibilities. Staying clean from gaming will definately be easier from saturday when my friend and his fiance is not here. 

Thanks for having patience with me ❤️

Edited by wazzapp
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Haha @wazzapp you're not testing our patience or anything lol, this journey is not without bumps. It's been really awesome to read every journal entry you've made, and even more awesome is to realize that you post EVERY DAY!!! 

🙂

Po

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Posted (edited)

Thanks @Pochatok 🙂

Day 3

New day new chances. My guests left yesterday. It was great having them here.

Slept a lot and now i'm at office, getting a few productive hours before night. It seems like i will get my medical certification for pilots soon. It has been a hassle. Looking forward to start off my first lessons for UL-plane. 

I do not have much to do at work right now. No deadlines close by. But my philosophy is that there are always productive things to do to take my life forward. We'll see how far I get tonight, but I plan to study flight theory and brainstorm a bit before future business

Wish u a great day ❤️

Edited by wazzapp
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Day 4

New day, i pray i will not play games today.

Not too much to do at work today. I will spend the day study for "Google marketing certificate". It will be useful both now (to get more work) and future business.

Also might study some aviation theory.

Wish u a great day ❤️

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Posted (edited)

Day 6

Feeling great to not be playing games. I don't miss the compulsive gaming and headaches, feelings of guilt e.t.c. Thank god for being free just for today.

 Productive day, studying Google Marketing and updating the company website. Also going to do some chargeable work before the day ends.

Tonight it will be movie time share-screen with my fiance on distance ❤️ Also maybe dinner with a friend

Thanks for letting me keep a journal here ❤️

Edited by wazzapp
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Day 7

Being grateful for not playing games. 

Productive day, same as yesterday. 

Tonight I have sponsor call with work in Narcotics anonymous. We will probably talk about gaming as well.

Wish u all a great day ❤️

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@Jason70Thanks for your concern ❤️ quite the opposite, we are talking about how to stay clean 🙂

Day 9

Sometimes i feel unmotivated, then i remember that my future-self would probably have wanted me to be productive today. And some day i will be in that future regardless if i want it or not.

Arrived at the office and I will try to get some things done today, mainly google marketing course online and flight license studies.

Wish u all a great day ❤️

 

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Day 10

At office, drinking my energy drink. Nice to be here doing some productive things today. 

Wish u all a day without playing games ❤️

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Day 11

New day at office. I'm happy that I have a working place and collegues that i really enjoy. My boss is awesome too 😃 

Wish you all a great day. I will not play games today ❤️

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Day 13

New day! Feeling a bit tired, everything is going slow. But I appreciate what I do regardless. This is 100% better than being stuck in gaming.

Wish u all a great day ❤️

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I am glad that things are going well at work, glad to hear that your boss and colleagues are nice! Keep up the good work!

Jason

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Thanks @Jason70❤️

Day 14

Staying clean from games. Today is business as usual, work and trying to be productive. Plan to hang out with some friends in the evening.

Wish u all a great day ❤️

 

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Posted (edited)

 

Day 1

Another relapse yesterday. I'm not sure I am willing to give up gaming in certain social settings. Specifically console games on TV with friends irl. However, it becomes a difficult distinction. Should i draw a line between "healthy" and "unhealthy" gaming? It is just too difficult for my addicted brain to try to make such rules. I would easily bend these rule and go back to compulsive gaming.

Enough rambling. As time goes by i am confident that i will find solutions. Happy to not be playing games today. Happy to not be in the prison-like grip of grinding and ignore my life, family, friends. 

 

Edited by wazzapp
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6 hours ago, wazzapp said:

 

Day 1

Another relapse yesterday. I'm not sure I am willing to give up gaming in certain social settings. Specifically console games on TV with friends irl. However, it becomes a difficult distinction. Should i draw a line between "healthy" and "unhealthy" gaming? It is just too difficult for my addicted brain to try to make such rules. I would easily bend these rule and go back to compulsive gaming.

Enough rambling. As time goes by i am confident that i will find solutions. Happy to not be playing games today. Happy to not be in the prison-like grip of grinding and ignore my life, family, friends. 

 

Hmmm, I actually do distinguish between the two! I've played couch co-op games with my friends twice last month, and didn't count them as a relapse. Why did I do that? Hmmm...

For one, video games aren't completely evil. Some games are made for people to simply have a good time, without ads, addictive loops, microtransactions, etc.. When playing such games with friends, I am simply improving my relationship with them. The focus is not on the game, but on the social interactions it creates. And so after playing, I feel no additional urges to play on my own. Thus, I do not count it as a "relapse", as it does not worsen my addiction 🙂 

However, the question is, when does a co-op game becomes something addictive rather than a way to socially connect with your friends? Drawing this line is perhaps difficult, but also very important. This is why I never play MMO games with friends, or competitive ones. I focus on simple, enjoyable, funny, and very cooperative games, since if I were to play, let's say, Valorant, I'd be immediately drawn into it due to my highly developed sense of competition lol.

Hope this helps you draw your line, or make a decision not to draw it and find different solutions! Have you tried board game adaptations of certain videogames, or board games in general? They take a bit more effort to be enjoyable, but are so worth it! Playing "Root" this week with my family contributed greatly to staying clean.

Po

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Unlike Po, I consider playing any game as a relapse. That's why for my detox I haven't touched any games. However, like Po said there is a difference between "Healthy games", there for just plain enjoyment and no addictive loops and tricks and "unhealthy games" which their sole purpose is for you to keep playing and blow off all your money on it. For me personally, I find that all games can become addictive, even the "healthy games". That's why if you plan to play in moderation you need to seriously limit your time with them. 

In terms of what games are considered "healthy" and "unhealthy", as mentioned a lot on this community, MMO's like WOW, or LOL, or anything like that are made to be addictive and are not good games to play at all. However, if you're looking for nice games either to play with friends or not, non-competitive co-op games are a good option, and there is always those laid-back single player games.

I hope this helps, and I wish you luck on your detox

Jason

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On 3/26/2021 at 1:41 AM, wazzapp said:

I'm not sure I am willing to give up gaming in certain social settings. Specifically console games on TV with friends irl

Imo, as long as you aren't either

A. Using friends as an excuse to game.

B. Obsessing about those games to beat/help friends with these games.

It should be fine. Also of course if it leads you to download personal games, it's a no-go. 

I'm personally detoxing completely from games as a whole for now, but I could see a future me where I'd allow myself to be pulled in to these "party games" without addiction.

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Posted (edited)

@Pochatok @Jason70 @Ethan Thanks for your detailed and thoughtful replies ❤️ 

Day 3

New day, at the office getting some things done before monday. Drinking coffee and generally feeling pretty peaceful

Todays schedule is work, studies and maybe dinner with friends

Wish u all a nice day ❤️

 

Edited by wazzapp
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Day 4

 

New day, working towards my goals, staying (somewhat) frugal and contributing to an overambitious pension plan. 

Getting closer to finishing my google marketing certificate. It has been really interesting. Looking forward to the next steps in my journey of learning digital marketing. I think it is crucial for anyone who want to start a blooming business, no matter the field. 

Wish u all a great day ❤️

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Day 5

 

Hello peeps, thanks for letting me keep a journal here ❤️

New day at office. I will do my best to be productive today, moving my life forward, one step at a time

Wish u all a great day ❤️

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Posted (edited)

Day 1

I had an awful few days. From wednesday and forward i felt continiously low. Relapse into gaming didn't help either. I hate to complain but that's the truth. I seem to have periods like this a few times per year. I just get low and cant get out of it. Not easily at least.

 

I'm trying to identify why it happens. Maybe it is just an seldom recurrent clinical "mini-depression". Symptoms are usually:

- Apathy

- Anxiety

- Low productivity/No productivity

- Turning of phone, scared to answer/look at phone

- Not cleaning apartment, everything becomes a mess

- Sleeping a lot

- A lot of self-criticism. "I'm ugly, I'm worthless" etc

- Hiding inside apartment, not going out

 

Today i feel slightly better. At the office getting some things done after hiding from everything for days. I'm still not back to "normal" though. I can feel it in my body.

 

Wish u all a great day ❤️

Edited by wazzapp
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2 hours ago, wazzapp said:

Day 1

I had an awful few days. From wednesday and forward i felt continiously low. Relapse into gaming didn't help either. I hate to complain but that's the truth. I seem to have periods like this a few times per year. I just get low and cant get out of it. Not easily at least.

 

I'm trying to identify why it happens. Maybe it is just an seldom recurrent clinical "mini-depression". Symptoms are usually:

- Apathy

- Anxiety

- Low productivity/No productivity

- Turning of phone, scared to answer/look at phone

- Not cleaning apartment, everything becomes a mess

- Sleeping a lot

- A lot of self-criticism. "I'm ugly, I'm worthless" etc

- Hiding inside apartment, not going out

 

Today i feel slightly better. At the office getting some things done after hiding from everything for days. I'm still not back to "normal" though. I can feel it in my body.

 

Wish u all a great day ❤️

Hi, I get those too a couple times a year!

I stopped trying to make myself feel better by gaming when such moments would occur because I figured out that it doesn't really help. What helped me was to try and surround myself with people whom I can share this with and who can help me just make it through the day (my partner lol). Even if they don't make me feel better, they help me not feel much worse. 

What also helped was trying to re-think what I would/should do if such a "mini-depression" would happen again. I would force myself to do some exercise, to just get outside, or even simply drink more water. Those small things have helped me change my perception of self during such episodes: I still felt very weird, upset, tired, stressed, etc., but that no longer provoked negative thoughts towards myself. I just felt like poop, but I didn't think I was one hehe.

Best of luck with going through this, I hope you feel better soon!

Po

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@PochatokThanks for your post ❤️ 

Day 1

At the office trying to get some things done. I keep getting better.

Thanks for letting me keep a journal here. 

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  • 6 months later...

Day 1

New try 1st nov 2021.

I've been home for about a week because of sickness. My gaming has gotten worse during that time, i play with friends online, but also alone. Most of the time it feels fine, but then, i play too much, and feel kinda sick. Today my friend is "borrowing" my gaming concole, I asked him to take it to his apartment. The fact that I ask him to do that kinda tells me it has gotten out of control.

I have a note in my phone: "Everything sucks? Feel bad? Well let me guess, you have been gaming by yourself". It has not been 16 hrs per day like when i was teenager, but yeah at least 5 hrs per day, which is far too much.  Interesting to see how i will spend my free time now, A lot of youtube i suspect, initially. 

Thanks for letting me post

Edited by wazzapp
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Day 5

 

Been going pretty good. Luckily i have friends to hang out with and things to do

Today my craving is big, fridays are usually a day that i spend gaming with irl friends online. My gaming console is not here and my laptop is a potato,  so there is at least not much i can do about it

Spent a little bit more time reading than usually so already some positive effects, even though i have replaced most of my gaming time with youtube and sleeping

I was productive and focused today at work. Let say, for positivitys sake, that its because i havent gamed 😉

thanks for letting me post

Edited by wazzapp
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