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Posted

Day 7/90 update:

  • Still going well. Happy about being one week in! A bit daunting and depressing to only be 1/12 of the way through the detox.
  • Worked on a side project last night when I 100% would have normally goofed off gaming. I felt accomplished.
  • I've noticed that when I have a brief quiet moment, I'm often reading instead of watching Youtube. One big factor is that I unsubscribed from all gaming channels and marked "Not interested" on any gaming recommendations that came up. So now, Youtube is way more boring, but it's good because my book is interesting.

Still, the boredom is setting in strong. I've filled the intellectually stimulating need and the relaxing need, but not the social need, and I think that's what I'm craving - the interaction with others on multiplayer games (which was 90% of my play time). I have an idea of how to fill that need this weekend and will commit to it.

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Posted

Day 8/90 update:

  • Went to gym last night, read a lot of my book
  • Work and personal life are busy right now, so that's making it easier to not think about gaming

Gotta get back to work but wanted to get a quick update in. So far so good!

Posted

Day 9/90 update:

  • 10% through the detox - lets go!!!
  • 10% through the detox - I still have 90% left to go!?!
  • I care much more about the things going on in my life now. I'm not dropping the ball on personal responsibilities nearly as much as I did before. This is a win.
  • I'm looking forward to the point where I don't miss gaming every night
Posted

Hi Kam! Just read through your 9 days so far and you're doing amazing! Really awesome that you're putting thought into it and trying to find replacement activities, that is so important! I believe grumpiness is pretty normal, especially in the early days. Trying to stay somewhat mindful of how you're feeling throughout the day was helpful for me, I have a little mental list of things that calm me down (though the hard part is that angry-me doesn't think are too stupid to give a try 😅 "meditate right now?? fat chance!")

Do you have a plan for how you'll handle it if you do "relapse" during these 90 days? I feel it's important to ask because I'm really rooting for you to be able to pick yourself up and continue if it does happen, and it happens to almost everybody who's working to overcome this. I know for myself how demoralising that can be, but it's a little easier if you can say "I knew this was a possibility, here's the steps I'm going take next, here's how I'm going to learn from it" and suchlike.

Good luck with the next 80 days! You got this!

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Posted

Thanks mouse! 

Quote

Do you have a plan for how you'll handle it if you do "relapse" during these 90 days?

Great question - if it happens, I won't beat myself up too much over it, I've gotten a ton of benefit from the detox already. My main focus would be to get out of the rut and get back on the detox as soon as possible. Starting over would be too demoralizing, I would plan to add a few days extra for every day that I relapsed, as motivation to stop gaming.

After, I'd sit down and write why I think I relapsed and what I can do to avoid it. The two reasons I'd expect to relapse on are stress or a new game that friends/family are also playing. Each of those have different solutions. I'd recognize I need to switch up my replacement activities, as one of them likely wasn't filling the needs that gaming used to fill.

Best of luck to you too!

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Posted

Day 10/90:

  • Went to the gym last night - felt real good
  • Kids were up all last night, so today has already been tough, and I have a full day of meetings ahead. Some stress at work happening but I'm working through it
  • I'm over halfway through my new book I just started earlier this week

My relaxing hobby (reading) is going well, my intellectually stimulating hobby (piano) is going okay, and my social hobbies (coffee/drinks with friends, online forums, playing with kids) are definitely the ones I'm lacking. Love spending time with my kids, and most of my free time is with them. However, I need some outside conversation with friends, and that was largely dominated by gaming discussions. I'll 100% need to focus on the social aspect, and soon.

Posted

Day 12 + 13/90:

  • Busy weekend with the kids! Yesterday and today have been going well
  • My son has taken up a strong interest in Minecraft. It's going to be challenging for me to not deprive him of his interests, while also not relapsing myself. But I still feel good about it, and I feel in control.
  • Lots of reading and exercise. Focus feels good.

On my TODO list tonight is to read more of Respawn and prepare for a busy week at work.

Posted

Day 14/90:

  • I realize starting the detox when it's absolutely freezing outside (in northeast united states) is like hard mode. It's sub-zero temps outside right now. Hard to get out of the house, where the normal triggers are at!
  • Uninstalling all games (even Steam) and packing the PC away has created a large enough barrier that it wards away quick impulses. "One quick game" turns into "I'd need at least two hours to get everything set up. Ugh.."

Two weeks! I still feel a void. I still miss it a lot. However, there's no doubt in my mind that the quality of my life has improved dramatically the last two weeks. Sleep, exercise, reading, piano, work, family time - all of these have noticeably improved.

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Posted

Day 15/90:

  • No gaming urges yesterday. Was also busy all night
  • Starting to get into a real routine. Books are starting to help me unwind at night. I look forward to reading now.
  • Getting started on work stuff is noticeably easier

1/6th through detox, which is both exciting and depressing. I think once I get halfway I'll feel much better about it.

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Posted

Day 16/90

  • Read more of Respawn
  • Gym / reading last night. One chapter away of finishing my book. Probably the fastest I've ever read a book this long in my life.
  • Yesterday I felt extremely focused. I still feel some of that today. Feels real good.
  • I still miss gaming in general.
  • Like 2
Posted
On 1/8/2025 at 10:40 PM, Kam said:

Almost five years later, restarting this journal and committing to the 90 day detox.

A lot has changed - I now have three kids, I got the promotion I had been aiming for for years, life is going well in general. But the constant problem in my life has always been video games. I've hit a new low and I recognize I need to stop gaming in order to be truly happy.

After reading Cam's posts, I realize that I strongly resonate with the four needs that gaming fills: temporary escape, social, constant growth, and challenge/sense of purpose. I also have zero personal hobbies outside of gaming. Whenever I get a break, which is usually around 9pm after the house goes to bed, gaming is the only hobby I turn toward.

I'd like to still game in moderation in the future. I like Cam's approach of committing to at least 90 days before making any sort of decisions about gaming again. I haven't gone 90 days without playing a video game since probably elementary school. Definitely never in middle school, high school, college, or in my career.

I'm reading through Respawn now. Tonight, I'm going to uninstall all my games and pack away my gaming PC, Steam Deck, and Quest 3 in the basement

Welcome back!

On 1/21/2025 at 3:01 PM, Kam said:

Two weeks! I still feel a void. I still miss it a lot. However, there's no doubt in my mind that the quality of my life has improved dramatically the last two weeks. Sleep, exercise, reading, piano, work, family time - all of these have noticeably improved.

It's great you're seeing progress already. It's much easier to abstain when the benefits are not vague and murky.

On 1/17/2025 at 4:28 PM, Kam said:

However, I need some outside conversation with friends, and that was largely dominated by gaming discussions. I'll 100% need to focus on the social aspect, and soon.

I've never really had any gaming friends, perhaps except my brother, so my gaming was never connected with any "real" people. If the friends can talk about other stuff besides gaming, I guess it's OK though.

Well done on 16 days!

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Posted

Thanks Ikar!

day 17 going well. I’m on the run today so just doing a quick entry. So far still good

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Posted

Day 18/19:

  • Felt strong urges to game earlier today but stayed away from it. Some stress going on with work stuff, and it'll persist for the next few weeks, as there's a big project I'm working on. The remedy is sleep, exercise, and quiet reading time. Best de-stressors.
  • Things are feeling a bit dull for me right now. But I have a fun trip planned next weekend that will spice things up, so I'm glad I have that scheduled.
  • Like 2
Posted

Kam, you're doing amazing! 🎉 I'm glad your detox is going strong, it sounds like you have plenty of strategies and things to do to meet your needs and keep you busy!

You mentioned you look forward to books these days; in my own detox I've also been delighted at how stuff I used to find unbearably dull like reading or knitting is now something I look forward to! I appreciate how activities like that feel... relaxing in a way that's less overstimulating, somehow? I used to play games to calm down, but then usually had to re-calm down after that to actually sleep.

In a lot of your updates you've said you miss games and I'm the same. I think maybe I will always miss them, or that it will take many years for that to fade. But I have written down the reasons why I wanted to quit, and looking at that list it's full of things I definitely don't miss. I've been thinking about ways I could maybe explore the things I really loved about my favourite games after quitting - maybe I could turn my minecraft base plans into a fantasy/worldbuilding art project, or maybe I can play a TTRPG with my family that has a similar vibe and setting to a sci-fi space game I loved - but for right now thinking about those projects just triggers a huge desire to go back and play those games again, which I know I would really regret.

Keep on keeping on! 💖

  • Like 1
Posted
1 hour ago, station mouse said:

In a lot of your updates you've said you miss games and I'm the same. I think maybe I will always miss them, or that it will take many years for that to fade.

After my roughly six years of no gaming, I sometimes reminisce the time, but I think I would do that even if I I hadn't gamed. I don't miss games anymore though. It was important for me to accept the past and move on, not to regret it.

Posted
Quote

maybe I could turn my minecraft base plans into a fantasy/worldbuilding art project, or maybe I can play a TTRPG with my family that has a similar vibe and setting to a sci-fi space game I loved - but for right now thinking about those projects just triggers a huge desire to go back and play those games again, which I know I would really regret.

Yeah, this is the long term goal for me too. I'm right there with you - I'm waiting until the urges to game are gone, so that they don't end up triggering a relapse.

Quote

After my roughly six years of no gaming, I sometimes reminisce the time, but I think I would do that even if I I hadn't gamed.

Yeah, it's wishful thinking to believe that even if I wasn't gaming as a teen, I would have become world class in something else. I wasn't world class in gaming either and I spent a lot of time and focus doing it 😁. It was time wasted, and some of that time was enjoyed, but now gaming doesn't serve me in the way I want my life to be.

 

Day 20 is going well. Just wrapped up a big side project, so looking to fill that time with reading. I've got three different books going on based on mood which is a nice mix: I have one for relaxing, a harder read for intellectual stimulation, and a manga (my first) that I can just shut my brain off. They are all three sitting on my nightstand so it's easy to just pick one based on how I'm feeling. Exercise going well, it's been ~3 weeks of focus on it and I'm starting to see the results.

Day 20/90 still feels like such a small dent in the detox time. I think I need to start thinking of 90 days as a minimum, not as the end goal. I doubt in 90 days I'm going to jump right back into gaming. The benefits I feel are just too great to simply just lose it all again. But, I'll figure out what I do when it gets closer to that time.

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Posted (edited)

Day 21/90:

  • I'm already 1/5 of the way into a 500 page book. I'm shocked at how efficiently and how motivated I am with reading now.
  • Sleep is going really well. I feel consistently good every morning, even with night wakeups with the kids.

Going to read a little more Respawn before getting started with work. But generally, I'm happy with the habits I've chosen and I think they fulfill a lot of the needs. Social is still lacking (lots of family time and chats with coworkers but not a lot of time spent with personal friends) but I have ideas on how to fill that gap soon.

Edit: finished Respawn! The first few chapters are gold, especially the ones going into the needs that gaming fill and how to fill those needs with other activities.

Edited by Kam
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Posted

Day 22/90: Heading out of town this weekend. Normally I'd bring a gaming device for a trip like this but it's packed away 🙂 No strong urges in the past few days. R

Posted (edited)

Day 23/90: all is well. lots of work stress happening right now (which I knew it was coming, so I could prepare for it). without the detox, I would have stayed up late last night gaming to try and decompress. but instead, I took a long shower, spent some time with my wife, and read a book. Asleep by 11pm, full 8 hours of sleep, and now I'm ready to tackle the work stressors head on.

I really appreciate how I'm not self-sabotaging anymore. I used to fall into this trap:

  • big work deadline looming ahead
  • stay up all night gaming to "decompress"
  • be super tired the next day, unable to focus
  • blame missing the deadline on the fact that I'm tired and not performing at 100%

Now, I've found much better ways to decompress (reading and piano primarily), I'm more focused, and now I can actually handle those deadlines instead of constantly falling behind and blaming other factors. I was miserable in those moments. I used it as a way to make excuses to protect my ego - "I'm smart and can solve any problem, but I'm really tired right now, that's why I can't figure this out". Now, I'm taking more healthy approaches to it - "I'm  smart and can solve any problem, but this is stumping me... I should go take a walk and see if my brain connects the dots".

I'm feeling very appreciative of this forum. I'm honestly surprised I don't see a lot more faces here. Games have only gotten more addicting. Maybe in ~5 years or so, when the current generation has grown into the workforce and recognize how unhealthy their habits are?

Edited by Kam
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Posted

Day 24+25 / 90: On a trip, very low risk of relapse out here, which is nice! Just enjoying the quiet moments. Happy to be nearing the 30 day milestone.

Posted

Day 26 + 27 / 90

Back from trip, it was great. Still dealing with a lot of work stress though. This past day has been the hardest detox day in a while, and I had my first real thoughts about relapsing. I thought to myself, "well, it's been almost a full month, I feel like I've learned a lot about myself and could probably start gaming healthier / more mindfully". But, I reminded myself that I committed to 90 days for a reason. I need to learn how to deal with these periods of stress without resorting to gaming. 90 days is long enough to ensure that happens.

Staying strong!

 

Posted

Day 28/90: Had a huge personal-life stressor show up. Sticking to the detox took a huge mental effort last night. I just wanted to shut my brain off. I managed to not resort to gaming. I knew this time period would be hard for work, but the personal-life thing was 100% unexpected. I'm using this journal as a daily reminder that I want to stick to the 90 day goal. I just wish I had gaming under control so that I could use it as a tool to relax. But I know I would just inevitably lose control, get shitty sleep, and kill my motivation, just like all the other times before.

Two more days until day 30!

Posted

Day 29: a round of illness going through my family, now it's my turn. no thoughts of gaming yesterday tho which is nice

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