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My Journey to Recovery


amchow
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8/6/2020 - Day 69

It's that moment when you realize you neglected to journal for 2 days straight. Apologies everyone. 

Days are getting such that they appear to be the same due to the same routine every day with very little variation. Only weekends seem to be different (or at least feel different). 

I must admit I have struggled with feeling down due to being more isolated working from home and not having as much in person contact. 

However, I have learned to deal with my emotions better, dancing with them rather than telling myself to have a false bravado and act like I have to be strong. Sometimes it is okay to not feel strong. It's what helps me learn how to actually be strong. 

What matters is I make it through this time. Must be patient and rely on the Lord in this time. 

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1 hour ago, amchow said:

@BooksandTrees

Hey. I apologize for this being late. I didn't see it until now. 

The software is Studio 2.0. It's completely free and has full functionality. Has Windows support. Has both existing bricks and even bricks from retired sets. The rendering engine (PhotoReal) is absolutely fantastic (as you can see in the renders I have posted). It's quite fun. You can build your own models or rebuild models off of existing building instructions. 

Studio 2.0 download Linkhttps://www.bricklink.com/v3/studio/download.page

LEGO Official Website Building Instructionshttps://www.lego.com/en-us/service/buildinginstructions/search?q=&sort=relevance

Thank you very much

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8/7/2020 - Day 70

I thank God that today is just about over. It is one of those Fridays in which you say a genuine "TGIF" due to it being one of those weeks that you just want to come to an end with regards to work. 

It's not that it was a bad week. Every week has been a good one since I started this new job. It was one of those physically taxing weeks where I felt mentally and at times physically tired afterwards. 

I am for sure looking forward to the weekend and watching more Law and Order: SVU tomorrow. Thinking of going to my local library this weekend to get some DVDs for Blue Bloods. It's been a while since I last did it and I want to see all seasons in their entirety. 

As for my other activities, dailies are going well and I am enjoying life as a Game Quitter. 

Here's another LEGO car to end this entry:

Ferrari 365 GTS4.jpg

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8/8/2020 - Day 71 

Today was a good start to a good weekend. Spent all of today watching Law and Order: SVU. Pretty much was lazying around and relaxed. 

It felt good to relax and fully decompress from what felt like a long week of work. 

Looking forward to more relaxation tomorrow. 😄 

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8/9/2020 - Day 72

Thought I hit the 'Submit Reply' button yesterday. Turns out I didn't. 😅

Today was a first day of another week at work. Seems I wasn't affected too heavily by Monday blues and I was in a relatively good mood. 

After work, I drove out for the first time in a number of weeks to get some DVDs from the library. Going to spend my evenings watching Blue Bloods from Seasons 1 - 9. 

Feels good doing something different and having something different to do in the evenings. 

To end this entry, here's three cars I neglected to post. Will post the two Imvanya cars once I finish the second one: 

Ferrari 599 XX GTO.jpg

Ferrari Testarossa Spyder Alt.jpg

Ford Model T.jpg

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8/10/2020 - Day 73

Today was a productive day with work. Got stuff done and ended the day feeling good. 

Did my usual dailies and spent the night watching Blue Bloods Season 1. 

Looking forward to another day at work tomorrow. 

Since the Red-Black Imvanya car is taking a bit, here's the dark blue one: 

Imvanya (Dark Blue).jpg

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8/12/2020 - Day 74

Today was another usual day at work.

However, there was one good thing that happened. Getting good comments on my feedback for training and onboarding made me feel good and being given extra responsibilities in this area is good. Definitely better than the company I used to work for. There was hardly any opportunities to progress there whereas my current company is giving room to grow and not treating me like a number. 

Although I got hit by a migraine this morning, the rest of the day was good after a dose of Advil Migraine and 2 cups of tea later. Pro Tip: Caffeine (in moderate amounts with drinks such as tea) in conjunction with a headache medicine is good for clearing headaches.

Anyway, time to end this entry. Must do devotions and end today on a good note after two episodes of Blue Bloods Season 1. 😄

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8/13/2020 - Day 75

Checked the box on another day of working from home completed. This week has been going by rather fast. Not sure if it is work or something else. 

*shrugs* Oh well. I'm kind of okay with that. 

In the meantime, I'm enjoying life. I feel more at peace, knowing and aware that I am not hiding my gaming habits from my parents and that our ties as a family has gotten closer and tighter since I got rid of gaming. In general, my former life as a gamer has started to fade. I no longer think of gaming. I spend more time thinking about how to rebuild my social life after this Covid craziness ends and how to find a guy worthy of my attention. For sure will need to work that out due to my overall inexperience with courting in general as I avoided them to childhood bullying that resulted in the loss of my first guy friend. I'm sure I can figure it out. 

For now, one step at a time. 

Looking forward to one more day of work for this week and then the weekend arrives. 😄 

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8/14/2020 - Day 76

Today was a productive day at work and it ended well. 

Had a good conversation with my parents tonight and then settled down to rest and relax. 

Didn't watch Blue Bloods tonight as I opted to take a break and work on LEGO models instead. 

Feels good being in the weekend and I am looking forward to relaxation and decompressing from a fast week of work. 

Here's the red-black Imvanya car I mentioned: 

Imvanya (Red-Black).jpg

Edited by amchow
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8/16/2020 - Day 78

Today was a lazy day of mixed computer activity and watching Law and Order: SVU. Stopped watching once I got to episodes I had seen already. 

Had a bit of hard time emotionally due to some family stuff (can't talk about it in detail), but got some good encouragement later on when I was talking with my women's small group later on in the day over a Zoom call. It felt good having some contact even if it wasn't in person. 

Finished a couple models that I am posting here to end this entry: 

Imvanya Roadster.jpg

Kenworth T680 (Miniscale).jpg

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8/16/2020 - Day 79

Today was a productive day with regards to chores. Got a number of chores done so I will be free over the next few days. 

Got a number of LEGO models done and did my dailies as recreational activities.

Watching Blue Bloods Season 1 to end the day before I do some reading. 

Here's some more models I completed:

Lamborghini Huracan Performante.jpg

Lamborghini Aventador Roadster.jpg

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8/18/2020 - Day 81

Today didn't start off so well as I had to clean up my slightly flooded bathroom as the result of acting like a little kid who wanted to find out the result of flushing a clogged toilet and suffering the consequences of it after. Safe to say I learned my lesson about using too much toilet paper and panicking and trying to fix it myself instead of sending a request for a plumber. 

Anyway, after a little over an hour of cleaning, I finally started my day. After that, it was a typical work day and nothing else super interesting happened. 

Did my dailies, watched an episode of Blue Bloods, and finished another car model after doing some finishing touches in terms of bathroom cleaning so I could at least be satisfied with the level of cleanliness after getting only toilet water (minus gross waste thank God) on the floor. 

Here's another piece of LEGO model handiwork to end this entry:

Mini Rolls Royce Silver Ghost.jpg

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8/19/2020 - Day 82

Today was an extremely productive day. Got done with a whole design change task and submitted everything before close of business today. Feeling accomplished in that regard.

Did my usual dailies and settled down for two episodes of Blue Bloods Season 1. 

Looking forward to another day of work tomorrow + a small social gathering with friends. 

May end up not journaling tomorrow due to having the outing. Will report back on Friday. Until then, have another good day of being a Game Quitter to everyone. 😄 

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8/21/2020 - Day 84

Differences between yesterday and today was like night and day when it came to work. I got handed a new project that I will be a part of and it felt good at first. Until I suffered from confusion for the rest of the day due to not having sufficient background. Finally had a call with the senior engineer in charge and got to work with the proper focus and background. Thus, today felt much better and more productive overall.

Now, onto the account of yesterday night. It was a great night with friends. Mainly filled with food, smores, badminton, and apple cider slushies. I had a good time, plenty of good conversations and plenty of laughs over funny tech stories from a guy there that only I could understand from what it seemed. It felt really good. Finally being around them without the video game brain fog looming over my mind and making me seem a tad distant. Like at my small group meetings I felt actually connected. For real connected. 

All the more reason to never return to gaming. I certainly would not have this kind of experience if I was still playing video games. 

Here's a model I finished tonight to end this entry: 

Pickup Truck.jpg

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8/22/20 - Day 85

Today was a semi relaxing day. Ran a small errand after lunch and then came home. 

Spent more time than my one lesson a day daily learning and did more than one lesson for each (Korean, typing, Python coding). 

Also completed two more LEGO models and started on another one. 

Here are the ones I completed recently. Also, @chiliflavor, a rocket is in the works. 😄 

Speed Moc Red WW.jpg

Anakin Jedi Starfighter.jpg

Sears Tower.jpg

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8/23/2020 - Day 86

Today was another semi lazy day. Mainly did dailies and watched Blue Bloods. Finished off Season 1. Planning to begin Season 2 tomorrow evening. 

Also continued work on my NASA rocket. It is a very large model. Only two thirds of the way done and I'm at Step 129. Patience is very much a good thing for this model. 

Taking my time with it though as missing a step or putting stuff in the wrong location can lead to more work later. Good principle for work too. 

Onto another week of work. 

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8/25/2020 - Day 88 

This week seems to be one of those weeks. Not feeling super great emotionally. Had a bit of a rough start to my work day with a short power outage followed by a half hour internet outage. Though I must admit. That isn't as bad as the bathroom flooding that happened last week. 

As for the emotional low, it is more about missing social gatherings and activities. Before all of this hit, I had in person company every week with church and small group and young adults alternating every week. Even when I was on the Team A and Team B schedule at work, I was content with that, 

Now, I am at home 95% of the time. Even going out for a walk is starting to feel monotonous and just part of a daily routine. 

In summary, it's getting hard. Really wanting to get through this week so I can try to shake this off over the weekend. 

At least I can comfort myself with the fact that a three day weekend is about a week away. 

Until then, will continue staying strong and keeping myself upright. 

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1 hour ago, amchow said:

8/25/2020 - Day 88 

This week seems to be one of those weeks. Not feeling super great emotionally. Had a bit of a rough start to my work day with a short power outage followed by a half hour internet outage. Though I must admit. That isn't as bad as the bathroom flooding that happened last week. 

As for the emotional low, it is more about missing social gatherings and activities. Before all of this hit, I had in person company every week with church and small group and young adults alternating every week. Even when I was on the Team A and Team B schedule at work, I was content with that, 

Now, I am at home 95% of the time. Even going out for a walk is starting to feel monotonous and just part of a daily routine. 

In summary, it's getting hard. Really wanting to get through this week so I can try to shake this off over the weekend. 

At least I can comfort myself with the fact that a three day weekend is about a week away. 

Until then, will continue staying strong and keeping myself upright. 

What can you do to change things up to fight monotony? Weekend driving trips or anything? Video chats? New recipes for meals? 

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@BooksandTrees

Hey, thanks for the tips. 

I was in a really low point yesterday due to stress accumulating about the project I am working on for work. It's my first one so I am suffering from emotional tension and nervousness. Plus, the get together I had with my friends last week made me go into occasional mood swings due to missing that so much. I'm going to try to see if I can help arrange for another one soon. 

As for what I do currently, I watch 1-2 episodes of Blue Bloods to change things up and I have recipes I can cook on weekends. Weekend trips aren't super feasible where I am at as it is a town in the middle of lots of farmland and corn fields and any places of interest are more than 2 hours drive away. 

While video chats aren't exactly the same as in person meetups, am going to try to set up regular video calls with my friends in case they can't meet in person for a while. 

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8/26/2020 - Day 89

Today felt like a very busy and somewhat hectic day due to priority levels rising in a minutes for the project I am a part of. I can guess my boss is putting me through the ringer to test me or outside people are applying heat. Either way, I intend to do well.

Beside from work picking up speed, I did my usual real life dailies and watched Blue Bloods.

In essence I am looking forward to this week being over. Just need to get past the next couple days. 

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8/27/2020 - Day 90

Wow. 90 days of no video games... and to imagine the fact that I worked 11 hours today prepping for a meeting to review my work tomorrow. I would have hardly imagined 3 months ago that I would be capable of working so many hours, but it happened.

Keeping this one short as I am exhausted from a long work day. 

Cheers to more game free days to come! 😄 

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8/28/2020 - Day 91

Thank God the week is finally over! It has been such a long week. My design review went well (although I realized how much I don't know at the moment). Already have a good idea of the prep I need to do for the next one when it comes up.

Now, I can disconnect for the weekend and relax and watch Blue Bloods, make time for my rocket model and do my real life dailies. 

Did my real life dailies today and then proceeded to watch 4 episodes of Blue Bloods Season 2. 

Looking forward to binge watching Idk how many episodes tomorrow. 😁

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8/29/2020 - Day 92

I was lazy for pretty much the whole day aside from a couple easy chores.

Watched Blue Bloods, listened to Kpop and worked on finding more models to work on. 

Hoping tomorrow doesn't go to fast though (although I am quite sure it will).

@chiliflavor, the rocket you requested has been finished. Check out the render of the LEGO NASA Apollo Saturn V rocket. 

NASA Apollo Saturn V.jpg

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On 8/28/2020 at 1:11 AM, amchow said:

8/27/2020 - Day 90

Wow. 90 days of no video games... and to imagine the fact that I worked 11 hours today prepping for a meeting to review my work tomorrow. I would have hardly imagined 3 months ago that I would be capable of working so many hours, but it happened.

Keeping this one short as I am exhausted from a long work day. 

Cheers to more game free days to come! 😄 

Congratulations on being over 90 days free of videogames! Also, your working ethic is inspiring to read about. I'm just starting my serious efforts to become a properly hard worker. I wish you a good day!

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@gargamel

Thanks for the compliments. 

Working above 9 hours a day is something I normally would not do unless there was something I had to finish in prep for a meeting the next day. 

When it comes to work ethic, I am in a job I love and enjoy and where every task is different in some way or another. 

If you find a job or line of work you love to do to make a living, you will find that working so many hours is well worth the effort. :D  

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