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To All The Games I've Loved Before


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Today, I've decided—for the nth time—to quit my "gaming career" for good (chance to succeed < 100%)🙂

My name is "Chiliflavorand I have been playing video games for 20 years.
The first 15 years were all about the evolution of my addiction while the last 5 years were the peak time of my gaming career and the time that I knew I have a gaming disorder.

When I speak of "gaming career," it doesn't mean that I'm an e-sports hardcore competitor. To be honest, I'm just an average gamer—plays a lot but still sucks from time to time, who played considerably few games. I am very picky when it comes to what I play because I want to be my best at it.

I know, there are lots of stuff going on in the world today—the spread of covid-19, jobless days, argument with girlfriend/wife, your fridge is almost empty, or your in the process of healing from a hurtful event/happening, etc. Hence, I want to thank you for sparing some time to view my story. 😂 

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Unfortunately, this gaming career must come to an end, especially, when it becomes a distraction instead of using it just to "kill time." 😔

For almost a year now, I've been gaming on and off—"on" if everything in my life is great while "off" when I'm down or feel stuck in my own web. In other words, I usually quit when I feel like gaming is just a waste of time because there are so many things that I need to do, that were delayed since I played too much. Then, back to gaming again after I have done my tasks and everything seems great which eventually will give me too much confidence to the point that I could tell to myself that "Why not play again? I can do all of these things while I'm playing." Next thing I know is that I'm back to square one—my dilemma, whether should I quit or not. This cyclic habit of quitting-relapsing continuously tortured my mind—in a sense that I'm taking away what I really loved to do—for a year which led me to experience hard times like: 

  • deciding whether to uninstall/re-install my games; weighing the pros and cons which actually just lead to anxiety
  • doubt my capabilities/goals since I can't focus because I think of gaming too much (when can I play, what should I play, what strategy should I use, how can I improve, what other games can I play, etc.)
  • made me depressed; there was a time in my life that I played only World of Warcraft (and other games to fill-in WoW's maintenance or tired of WoW) for 2 STRAIGHT years—literally wake up, coffee & play, eat lunch, play, coffee & play, eat dinner, coffee & play, sleep (x2 years repeat)
  • consumed a lot of my time instead of learning any skill
  • trying so hard to play casually which just stresses me more because we all know that it will never work for an addict
  • had an extreme problem in my sleeping pattern. I'm usually asleep when there's a sun while I'm very active at night because this is the time I like to play games the most since there's "no distraction" at all. I was actually terminated from my first job because I was always late or absent, not because I don't want to go to work nor I was under performing, but because I wasn't able to wake up or don't have the energy to go to work since I stayed all night playing
  • lying sometimes; in a sense that I tell someone, if they asked, that I am working hard—yes, for me, grinding gear and gold is considered working hard
  • and most especially, lose the connection I once had with the real world; I was once a socially active guy, but because of unconsciously being addicted to video games, I thought it's just, "Well, this is me. I'm gonna embrace my inner geek." It isn't, it's the addiction talking. Telling myself that I feel happy alone but in reality, I just wanted to play games.
  • one day I woke up and BOOM! After a year-long-procrastinating-research about video game addiction supported by the result of GameQuitters quick addiction test—scoring 9 out of 9, I've finally accepted that I'm a video game addict and I've been in-denial ever since.

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Actually, I've started a blog way back August 2019. Since then, I only had 3 articles. I've been interested in writing but that blog was only an additional feature of our business website. I was thinking of publishing my story there but I'm afraid my audience would never relate to my problem—an idea of my state is highly possible but an understanding of my situation, probably never. Non-gamer people, relatives or friends, or even girlfriend/wife would never fully understand what's it's like to be a video game addict. And so, I decided to take the second step (first step, I believe, was to acknowledge the addiction) of quitting, that is, to make an account here, introduce myself, then tomorrow I'll be doing my day 1 in the journal section.  I think writing a journal here would be more significant than writing on my personal blog. More importantly, hopefully, my story would inspire—in the future—a fellow addict to finally take the step of quitting. 😁

I was inspired by the journal section of this forum—to finally try quitting for good, because I saw the stories of all fellow ex-gamers who were/are  done/almost done with their 90-day detox. Congrats for the achievement unlocked! 😍 I did not mention how and why have I started playing. Well, it doesn't matter as of this moment. I know somewhere in my daily journal, I'd share what made me an addict or even who am I—no one cares, I know.🤣 

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I'm so glad Sir Cam created this community, where here, we become brave to face the ugly and embarrassing truth, that we need help to defeat this bonus level boss of life—gaming addiction.

Hoping to gain experience and gear upgrades in this bonus level. I'd do it the way how I play games; Even if it's only a 0.01% chance to succeed, I'd still fight til the last second.

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PS. I really like the auto-save feature as well as the emoticons. I accidentally closed the browser twice and that feature saved me! 😄
PPS. I'm also 22 days smoke-free as well after 10 years of smoking. Might as well make the most out of this quarantine. Withdrawal from nicotine is still happening, now I will add withdrawal from games. Good luck to me. 😵 I never thought that gaming is harder to stop than smoking until now. 🤣
PPPS. I should have bought Respawn when I had a chance. This lock down literally made me broke. I'm very lucky because my parent's house is just two streets away
free food buffs, I guess.❤️
PPPPS. I played 1 last game of DotA 2 then uninstalled all of my games in the PC and phone (good thing I won the match lmao) before I post this. 😎
PPPPPS. This feeling is so bad, that is, to quit and give up the most precious thing in my entire life—gaming. I'm not yet 100% ready but I have to be. 🤦‍♂️

Edited by chiliflavor
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Welcome to the forum, chiliflavor!

I relate to the feeling that others don't understand the experience of video game addiction. I have mentioned unhealthy video gaming with several therapists in the past, and each one deflected video game addiction in favor of an anxiety disorder. The problem with their mindset is that the two aren't mutually exclusive. Fortunately, WHO has recognized the addiction, much to the ire of vested parties.

I found the stories in this forum inspiring too.

Edited by ArcaneCoder
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welcome to the forum chilliflavor. 

Gaming is a big part, well, huge part of us. Giving up on that seems like a denial of oneself, but that's not the truth.

Think about all the things that you might gain after quitting, get you motivation written down and stick it on the wall helps.

Good luck and see you around😇

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15 hours ago, ArcaneCoder said:

Welcome to the forum, chiliflavor!

I relate to the feeling that others don't understand the experience of video game addiction. I have mentioned unhealthy video gaming with several therapists in the past, and each one deflected video game addiction in favor of an anxiety disorder. The problem with their mindset is that the two aren't mutually exclusive. Fortunately, WHO has recognized the addiction, much to the ire of vested parties.

I found the stories in this forum inspiring too.

Thanks! Welcome too! 😁 I was considering seeing a therapist too. I haven't really researched about it nor what kind of therapist I should see. Maybe I'll try it if the 90-day detox didn't work. 🙂

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9 hours ago, PianoLearner said:

Welcome to the forum and to game quitters club.

There is so much to achieve IRL and you want to get your life to the next step because you know what is good for you 

 

I wish you the best and I hope you will suceed !

 

Thanks! Welcome to you as well! 😁 You're right, I should start unlocking RL achievements.

Wishing the same to you too!

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24 minutes ago, BgK said:

welcome to the forum chilliflavor. 

Gaming is a big part, well, huge part of us. Giving up on that seems like a denial of oneself, but that's not the truth.

Think about all the things that you might gain after quitting, get you motivation written down and stick it on the wall helps.

Good luck and see you around😇

Thanks for the tip! 😁 Yes, I've done that but I never took the written goals seriously. I should rewrite it (because other goals are irrelevant now) and shall memorize it by heart. Haha!

See you around too! 🙂

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  • 5 months later...

Hey, glad to see you posting again. I enjoyed reading your earlier posts when you went through your 90 day detox. I still remember some of your pictures like your Thor Halloween costume and the house that you rent out to people for weddings etc. I can see you've gone through a similar 20 years of gaming just like me. Gaming all day every day is not healthy or productive. I missed out on working a job and lived off my parents draining them of resources without doing anything to improve my own financial situation. It sounds like you were doing the same especially in your 2 years of WoW playing. Now we have a chance for redemption. We can grow and be better. Live better lives. Go team.

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