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Zipperhead

2 plus years. Gone in a flash.

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Well that hurt. All it took was a moment of weakness. An ad on Instagram. Curiosity add life stress and depression and poof, a broken trust. Now I feel like shit, and I fight to try and keep my wife from leaving me over something she thought she could trust me on that we had grown so proud of. 

The problem was, I still had not cured the underlying issues with why I gamed in the first place. I was seeking help, and only a couple of weeks til my first appointment with  councilling. It just all got so hard. Dealing with depression and self worth. The lack of supports and access to mental health is bad enough. But when life gets really heavy and you would rather escape than doing something even more drastic, you are not left with much in the way of choices.

Argh!!

So here we go again...

 

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Greetings man. Ready for some tough words? If not, don't read it. Unless, here we go:

Alright, you relapsed! So what? At least this is what I assume, since you posted it in this area here. I also assume that you did not game for 2 years. Do you have any idea, how incredible that is? You sir, are a winner. You managed to accomplish something incredible. But listen, there is this terrible idea in the heads of many people on their way towards a "good and meaningful" life, whatever that means, which has to disappear: A relapse is nothing negative per se. Yes, it is a learning experience. You probably learned more out of that single experience than during the two years of not gaming. Sure, it hurts to some degree and you feel like you failed. But you did not! Who do you think is the bigger failure: The person never trying and playing games for 2 straight years or the person doing something meaningful for two years and then playing once? If your goal is to become a phenomenal basketball player and you are practicing your free throws - who is the bigger "failure", the person resisting to practice out of fear to miss or the person, willing to keep shooting despite missing here and there? Even the very best players in the world, shooting beyond the 90 percent mark of their free throws - even they miss eventually. Why? Because they are human! I am human! You are human! And as a human being, who is clearly not perfect, you have now two options:

1. Whine about your situation. Feel bad about yourself. Feel like a failure. Feel depressed. Blame the circumstances. Blame the lack of support or your mental health.

2. Embrace the challenge. No one hinders you, to deinstall your games again, to just go back to your routines, you build within 2 years. To focus on the underlying problems. No support? Join a forum like the gamequitters to get support. I support you if you need it! Join an association in your area to get support. Learn to meditate, get into sports, enjoy nature, go to a party or whatever you enjoy, develop a high work ethic. Whatever it is, focus on what you could possible become and set meaningful goals. The list of things to do is endless. It is just a matter of perspective.

If you now feel like a failure, you failed. But if you just continue your wounderful path, which lasts far longer than my journey btw, then you win. There is no difference between today and yesterday or last week or last year.  Unless you start to focus on that and tell yourself that this difference exists. 

1 hour ago, Zipperhead said:

So here we go again...

I don't understand this statement. Do you think you are starting from zero again? Bullshit! The count is 730 (2 years) to 1. Tomorrow you can make 731 to 1 out of it. If you want instead see it as this: Last streak: 730, current streak: 0. Well, that is your personal decision.

Take care!

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Thanks. And yes I am wallowing in self pity a bit right now. Or was. But what I am dealing with more is the broken trust with my wife. She is very hurt that I relapsed, and so that in itself bad enough. But yes, it was a mistake and I am back on the wagon and counting.

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Great to hear. And I hope that you can fix the situation with your wife again. But why is she hurt that you relapsed? The relapse is a personal issue for you. She should support you on your way back up. Making you feel more miserable hardly seem to be a good idea. But if you are back on track, it should be ok.

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@Zipperhead sorry to hear about your relapse. I wish you well in getting back to where you want to be.

My first instinct is to question your relationship with your wife. I can understand her being disappointed that you relapsed but her reaction according to you seems extremely excessive. Why would there be such a huge trust issue because you relapsed? Why would she threaten to leave you because you've shown that you're still human? It sounds to me like your relationship has deeper issues than just broken trust over a relapse in gaming, and I would strongly advise you to talk to her about that. If she's piling shit on you during this time, it isn't going to help. In fact, it's only going to make things worse, and you need to explain that to her. As well as the fact that relapse happens. It sucks, but it's always a risk with former addicts of any type, and right now you need her help.

Your loved ones should be pillars of support in times of weakness, not the first ones to judge and distrust you.

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Simple advice from one who's been there.

  1. delete the game.
  2. tell the wife.
  3. go to the counselor.

Some reassuring things.

It probably took years to quit the first time, this time it probably was what, weeks?  a month? 

Here. https://skl.sh/2CCRsXp  Take a class.  I'm a computer nerd learning to draw comics and do tech support stuff.  Also with this whole covid thing, be ready for isolation and for your counselor to stop seeing people.  I hear some of them are doing web appointments now.

Bottom line: you slipped.  Get past it and continue laying the bricks of a new and better life.  Don't doubt yourself.  You are worth the effort.

 

 

 

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