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NEW VIDEO: Video Game Addiction Intervention *Parody*

LordArjuna

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Well I've first come across Cam's sobriety program maybe two years ago, when I was getting divorced. But it wasn't until today that I decided to bite the bullet and buy his program.

I've been gaming since I was 13, which is to say for the last 30 years. There are many problems that I've had probably since I was an infant - since as early as I can recall I was considered odd by adults around me. One reason was that even then, I felt uncomfortable playing with other kids in the neighbourhood.

I've always felt uncomfortable around others and others have often commented about my own oddity. I have been depressed since before I started gaming. In the past I used to always have a small number of very intimate friends, but these days, we all live in different countries and each time I have moved in the past, I have discontinued my former relationships, partly because of being depressed and partly because it never felt like I had anything positive to say to the people that had meant so much to me in the past. Time went on, and over the years it has become harder to reconnect or to make new connections. I've never been able to resolve what the cause of my "oddity" is, whether its some inherent genetic problem, character flaw, poor emotional support when I was a child, or what. I've never felt comfortable in my skin and gaming provided a relief.

However, I've been unemployed now for nearly a year and I have a history of only managing my external problems very slowly. I've been repeatedly unemployed for long periods in the past and I took 7 years to finish university, after trying several different courses.

Although I have made numerous attempts in the past to quit gaming, I had always come back to it and sometimes within just hours of committing to never play again. Fundamentally I guess I've felt that it is the one reliable way that I can make myself feel better, no matter how unpleasant things are in my "real life".  I have also always given up immediately because I felt that life would be unbearable and even more bleak without my crutches. Apart from gaming, I am also addicted to porn, masturbation and fast food. 

Previously I was also addicted to smoking but have been able to quit that 8 years ago, because there was a medication that made smoking unpleasant. As a direct result of quitting smoking, my son was born a year later (as my erectile disfunction reduced). Although many other things have gone to shit since that time, being a good father to my son has been the one bright spark in my life.

I'm hoping that if I can somehow give up my other addictions, perhaps equally dramatic positive changes can still occur. I am 43, and I would like to live whatever remains of my life feeling more "complete" and more "together".

Anyway, I didn't actually expect to just let it "all hang out", in my first post... but there it is.

 

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Day 1,

After abstaining for 4 days, I spent yesterday gaming.

Sunday is a difficult day for me because I see my ex-wife when I either hand over or receive our son from her. For one thing, that meeting brings back to me regularly the truth that she was able to move on with her life and I haven't.

I didn't have a plan prepared for what I will do when I am hit with strong emotions so I let myself off the hook for the day. I will try to be more prepared next time. In my previous attempts I have always felt that a lapse was a sign that I am too weak to overcome my addictions, and so I should just resume my usual coping mechanisms - addiction. I think I see now that it is a sign of my complete lack of faith in myself. Giving in has only served to further undermine my opinion of myself and any efforts.

I like what Cam Adair wrote " it doesn’t matter what’s happened in the past, only what you do now, in this moment", this is a better truth to live by.

Gaming is a "victimless" pursuit, I haven't had to rob anyone or sell my body (or anything else). I've been able to maintain my "moral ground", or at least felt I had. Instead the reality is that literally decades have gone by and I have not in any meaningful way managed to handle any of my underlying problems. 

This time around I am going to become sober and finally face my problems. Gaming is just the top later, and no matter if I should lapse many times, I will not give up. I will develop better methods and try again. Get back up on that horse until it is tamed.

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After quitting last week: feelings of fear, confusion, overwhelm, hopelessness. Not all the time but sporadic at times appearing without a clear cause.

I have had actual physical symptoms of withdrawal last week - nausea, uncontrollable shallow breathing, stomach pains. Those were a surprise.

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Day 0,

It's been a mess.

I had an effective day on Monday. On Tuesday, I woke up after 5:00 and then started watching youtube videos - my favourite are history and politics. I'd repeatedly told myself I would get up after a specified amount of time. By 14:30 i was still in bed, so decided that I might as well bring the pc out of the garage and played for the rest of the day.

Similar story today, gaming from morning. I finally shook myself awake around midday and put the pc back in the garage.

I keep getting caught unawares. I always tell myself that I will only play for an hour, but it almost never works.... Overall, I guess I have still reduced the amount of time spent gaming this week.

Watching "the tubes" is just as much of a time killer. I need to be aware of that.

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