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dahankus

Damian's journal

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I too remember when people would ask, "what are you doing today?" I would always lie and say "I need to clean my room" When actually I would lock myself in my room and binge game all day.

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Day 47.

Im slacking at work, its fucking boring, evenrything is the same fucking shit, over and over. I hate that. I know its just temporary, and its up to me to make it fun, but right now work seems like a secondary concern. A lot is happening, and the only reason for all of this "activity" is the time i got back, after removing games from my life. I dont know about you guys but no strategy game can beat this ammount of excitement and possibility. In the end, its all about putting awareness into stuff we want, and more of them will come about by themselves. Simply push in the direction you want to be moving. Its that simple.. and still the most difficult challenge we all face.

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Day 48.

Im thinking to visit a toastmasters meeting. Its scares the holy crap out of me, and it makes my brain go nuts making excuses as to why i shouldn't do it, and why i would be shit at talking, because its not my thing, and bla bla bla... If only we could only focus on the positive reasons as to why do stuff.... oh wait... we can lol. Some times there are more negatives than positives, but hey, why not do some crazy stuff, I already know what no doing anything looks like. 

Im growing in strength, determination, and most importantly, im starting to enjoy the things thats scare me, its kind of exciting, that anxiety...ok.... enough for now...no games today.

 

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Day 49.

Its been a good day. I am improving my concentration at work, reducing amount of distractions. Games becoming less and less present in my mind, its going to be a while to make them disappear. 

 

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From my experience, there are few more liberating experiences than putting yourself in front of an audience, theatre, public speaking, stand-up comedy or spoken poetry, doesn't matter, whatever you like the most. It is scary, but the after sensations are simply amazing. 100% recommended. 

Almost a month two months, carry on! 

Edited by Hitaru

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I agree with Hitaru. I participated in cosplay scene once. Before our scene I was like "holy crap, there are hundreds of people!". But that thought went down when I had to come out and act.

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Day 50 :D

Today I unsubscribed myself from all news and discount pages related to games. I haven't decided yet what to do with my steam and gog accounts. Im still not ready to let them go, which means only one thing... I haven't found anchors in this life without videogames. All my anchors are still in games, and those happy feelings they brought me. I must keep pushing, and move my anchors into this new reality.

Must be very alert now, that things are going better, don't let my guard down and keep focused. Maybe 90 days without the gaming pc is too little time. We will se.

 

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Did you adopt any new hobby during this 50 days?

Archery, but it has a very limited time frame, and atmospheric conditions. I haven't found anything to do in those free time moments before sleep, or after waking up.

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Try getting a template for your journal, it could work for you.

I don't like the feeling of having a TODO list, because if I don't do something in that list, I feel i failed at something, which in turn makes me feel bad, and will slowly give me more cravings, which might lead to a relapse. 

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Did you adopt any new hobby during this 50 days?

Archery, but it has a very limited time frame, and atmospheric conditions. I haven't found anything to do in those free time moments before sleep, or after waking up.

Listening to ausdiobookls could be an idea. I absolutely love to listen to podcasts and audiobooks in quiet moments. Especially before bedtime it quiets me down nicely.

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Day 52.

Its amazing how fast can everything change. One day you might be a sad gamer, a month later you can be out there conquering the word, and then you can fall back into that sad chair once again. I dont see an easy way to achieve anything, in fact the idea of success and achievement makes me want to quit this whole lifestyle. I dn't like my life to be directed by this ideas. I want to live good, that is all. Make my life extraordinary for myself, and not by the aspirations of others. 

I keep hoping i will get to play some of the games i wanted to play before. I want to, and I don't.

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I think I understand what you feel. It's like we get scared of actually going after success because it's unknown territory and we want to take refuge on videogames because they are known territory. Be brave Damian.

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Day 53.

Thursday of toastmasters is close and im already feeling anxious, but also excited, I wonder how will it turn out. 

On the games topic, i only think of them in regards to gamequiters, keeping too busy to think of this stuff.

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That sounds great. Try making your posts longer, they will help you understand yourself better. Unless of course you are writting on a private journal.

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Day 55.

Went to the toastmasters meeting, and I volunteered to talk one minute about some random topic they gave me, and so I did, and my speech was the best of the improvised ones!!! I even received a diploma lol. Oh and there was 30 people in the room!! Felt great to do so, cant wait until I start doing real presentations.

On another subject, the prospect of selling my gaming PC started to be more attractive.

I feel like falling through the rabbit hole, and I really want to see what else is there.

 

 

 

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Day 56.

Nothing of interest happened today. I fear this kind of days, too many distractions. Going to work out now :)

Edited by dahankus

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