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iamthemithras

Mithras' Journal

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 @Zala I'm 24 years old. Not sure how it's relevant though, I think a lot of us are about the same age.

I think I understand, thanks for the suggestions. I think I'm angry mostly because I feel like shit. I want to quit because I feel like I'm wasting my life just gaming all the time. I don't get things done, I don't get to learn new things, I always felt that I'd rather game than meet people or even go along with my family to outings, etc. When I talked to my mother yesterday about wanting to quit, she actually told me that it's probably better to quit than having to suffer like this. Besides, as she put it, it's not like video game addiction is bad for my health not like smoking, or drinking.

My mom is full of useless advice though, I grew up believing I got no one to get good advice from.

I'm actually going to visit my aunt this sunday. That's something to look forward to.

 @Vlad Thanks for the advice, I've never felt this exhausted my entire life and I still can't believe this is because of stopping video games but hearing other people going through similar situations helps a little, I think.

We do have a "checklist" of a sort that measures everyone's performance, in the Call Center industry we call them performance metrics. They range from AHT (How many customers you were able to assist in an hour) to CSAT (Percentage of positive vs negative surveys from customers). The metrics are pretty competitive, but I typically have good scores. What took a big hit was my Schedule Adherance because of the time I came to work late, and took lunch too early. I'm hoping I get better and more focused soon, I literally can't afford to mess up my scores - they're deducting my paycheck.

You didn't bore me, but sorry if bored you with these jargons. :D

 @Mettermrck That makes sense, thanks for the advice. I'm not sure venting out is the best idea when I was about to hit my sister, but I will stick with the detox. I hope to find out how I can manage my emotions better.

 @BigPete247 Thanks! I remember glancing at your journal and being a bit jealous at what you've accomplished. You're doing really great.

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Day 5

Still feel exhausted, and headaches are returning. In fact, nothing happened today. I'm so tired, I slept most of the time.

It kinda messed up my body clock, I'm asleep at the wrong time so it's going to be a little challenging to go back to my normal sleeping patterns so I can go to work fully awake.

Got nothing productive really done. I got a notification from DuoLingo reminding me to study Japanese, so that helped. I studied a little so I can win back double the in-app currency I bet if I study for 7 days straight (I sure hope I didn't replace gaming with gambling, and to think I almost called it in-game currency). However, i'm still at the basic Hiragana part of the app, and I already know most of what the lesson is offering, so I really learned nothing new.

You'd think sleeping ALL DAY would make me feel refreshed, but no. As I write, my body still feels tired. It could be a matter of too much sleep, but maybe not. Maybe I should sleep it off?

Got cravings again, and dreams this time. Briefly dreamt of playing Skyrim. What the hell? If I dreamt that I played Skyrim, does that mean I failed the detox? Or did I just fail in my dreams - and if I did, does that mean I get to stay in Day 6 in the awake world and I have to dream that I'm starting over at Day 1, maybe dream about Zala telling me i'm not a loser for starting over and Mettermrck giving more support?

Got tempted more than once to play some games. I feel that I seem to be anticipating to finish my 90 days and then splurge myself with games after. I wonder if i'll develop the discipline to game in moderation, at least, after the 90 days.

 

I think I'm going to constantly feel exhausted for a long time. Am I a sissy for feeling this weak? 6 days in, and I still can't fully believe this is all because of quitting video games. I would never believe that going off something seemingly mundane like video games are going to make you feel this shitty.

 

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I am 11 days in and still sleeping and waking up at odd times because I feel tired. I went to bed at 1am (couldn't sleep even staring at the ceiling in bed for an hour or something, so I made food and started drawing) woke up at 6 and the went to bed again at 8am, just woke up now at 12pm. In my short time I have already had these off days, but I find that setting small goals really helps me get through it. Try writing them down every time you write an entry and coming up with a personal checklist for the day which can write in the morning or just before bed? It doesn't need to be a perfect comprehensive list which is information overload, just a few small things you can achieve for the day/the week/ the month. Morning showers and a cup of hot water from a flask help me wake up too. 

Edited by -n.g-

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Don't worry Mithras I thought of playing Skyrim only yesterday and I don't consider that a relapse. ? I do Duolingo German and I have more inapp currency than I need. There's not much to buy in the store hehe.

Edited by Mettermrck

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Day 5

Am I a sissy for feeling this weak?

Not at all. I think all people feel that way from time to time. It's only real world actions that define people, not emotions or doubts.

I.e. the brave and the cowardly have the same emotions. A brave man is not the one with no fear. A man with no fear is called stupid or mental - not something to strive for. A brave man is the one how thinks and does what he considers right regardless of emotions. Same goes for other feelings, e.g. feeling weak.

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Thx, mithras, looking forward making that big decision when the time comes. Your journal entry sounds like me when i was about to crack at day 3, blowing up my deathstar nearly ensued until i watched this.

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I think I'm going to constantly feel exhausted for a long time. Am I a sissy for feeling this weak? 6 days in, and I still can't fully believe this is all because of quitting video games. I would never believe that going off something seemingly mundane like video games are going to make you feel this shitty.

I can't say, that I know how you feel, since luckily for me, I don't suffer from the fatigue and exhaustion which your withdrawal seems to cause. However, I hope that even though you are sleeping a lot more than you're used to, and therefore feel like you're waisting a lot of time, you are still wasting less time, than when you were gaming. As long as you are spending less extra time sleeping, than you used to spend gaming, you are still "gaining a profit" of sparetime. And whereas the fatigue and exhaustion is tempoary until your body adjusts, the gaming would have been permanent, if you hadn't decided to stop.

I do not think you are a sissy. Everyones body reacts differently, and considering how tapped of energy you feel, you still manage to go to work, excercise and show self-restraint. In my opinion that is admirable.

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 @Vlad Wow, man. That's pretty deep. I gotta admit, didn't expect this sort of advice. Thanks.

I keep thiking this is the sort of thing somebody would tell me if this is an inspirational movie.

EDIT: Not that it's a bad thing, of course. I've reread this post if it sounds offensive. Sorry, I tend to be really frank.

I was saying that I didn't expect to recieve a great advice of this caliber here. And I really appreciate it.

Saying that you'd do a great job making inspirational movies is just a bonus.

Edited by iamthemithras

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 @BigPete247 Thank you for sharing that video, Pete. I'm so glad I've watched it. Wow man, what happened to him was tragic, it's good to see him on Game Quitters.

 

@qwethm987

As long as you are spending less extra time sleeping, than you used to spend gaming, you are still "gaining a profit" of sparetime. And whereas the fatigue and exhaustion is tempoary until your body adjusts, the gaming would have been permanent, if you hadn't decided to stop.

That's a really good way of looking at it. I am gaining a profit of spare time, now that I think about it. This is really good advice! I've never really thought of it this way, maybe I was too tired to, but thanks!

 

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Hey Mithras, great job staying strong! Don't worry about being negative/positive/any which way, journals should be for expressing what you feel and working through it :) We're all works in progress here. I'm in the process of learning Japanese as well, in case you haven't heard of it before there's a really cool site called Renshuu.org that I use, it might be fun for you alongside Duolingo. 

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Day 6

As planned, I went to visit my aunt. I actually came for a family dinner she's arranged that night. My original plan was to visit my hometown to visit my grandmother since I haven't been there for ages and I'm starting to miss it but when I called her last week she told me it's a better idea to meet each other at my aunt's place, so there I was.

When I arrived, I've decided to tell my aunt about my decision to quit video games. While she did listen, she kept interrupting and making comparisons between my and my cousin who's probably a decade older than me. She keeps thinking about if he's addicted to video games, I told her I really don't know. I felt I wasn't able to adequately explain what I'm going through, she kept talking over me. In hindsight, It was probably not a good idea to talk about yourself to a person who's more interested in themself.

I went to my cousin's room to catch up with him. He was playing Diablo 3 and I got the strongest craving to play in my entire detox so far. I was able to make some small talk, and get my self out of there.

Evening came, and the rest of the family came. Dad came too, he looked like shit, I caught up to him and asked him what's wrong. He didn't tell me why.

So we ate as a family, and everyone had a good time. That's good.

Dad and I talked and he thought it's a good idea for me to see to finally visit his apartment. I work the graveyard shift so I figured it was okay. I didn't tell Dad I'm exhausted as shit though, but I just kept thinking that I never once visited my Dad and I really should do it now.

So I went to my Dad's place around midnight. I have to say, he lives in a shithole. I think my room in our apartment right now is has the same squaremeters with his entire apartment - and he lives with his girlfriend in it. I learned that my Dad picked up the habit of making custom G-Shock watches and he showed me a few of what he did. They're pretty cool, I'm pretty proud of my Dad. For some reason, he reminded me of Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen when he was alone in Mars, reflecting on his past and remembering his own father, a watchmaker.

So we spent the morning just catching up. He slept while I was watching some movies on his cheap china media player. We ate at McDonalds for breakfast - we talked a little, then I went home. Slept like a log, and next thing I know I'm awake in the evening.

 

So I've been tempted once this day and it was a really strong one, but I got off alright. Today was great, if I was still gaming I would've never went through with visiting my family just because, and I still wouldn't know what my dad's apartment look like. He lived there for 2 years already. I just realized I never visited my father for longer than that. Today was really great, I feel like I'm getting my life in order.

 

Guys, serious question. I know this is an online journal on GameQuitters. I've been sharing many details about my day that may not be related to my video game addiction. I was actually about to write about what me and my dad talked about in McDonalds, but I deleted it because I thought it was irrelevant.

This is just the way I write and get my thoughts organized, but do you think it's best if my entries should be more focused? I set out to be as comprehensive as possible for my own reference, but it may not be the best way to go with things, I may be sharing too much or i'm just putting filler for the only really important stuff...

What do you think?

Edited by iamthemithras

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 Hi @Fern! Thanks for the compliment. I suppose it's true that Journals are for expressing yourself. I just glimpsed Renshuu.org right now and it looks cool, i'll definitely try it after work.

I'm also using a book, Japanese for Busy People, and it's pretty useful too. Maybe you've heard of it, and can tell me what you think about it?

Edited by iamthemithras

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There's nothing wrong with sharing your personal details as long as you're not worried about privacy. They may seem irrelevant to you but they are aspects of your life and it enables us to see a clearer picture on how you're doing and get to know you better. ?

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There's nothing wrong with sharing your personal details as long as you're not worried about privacy. They may seem irrelevant to you but they are aspects of your life and it enables us to see a clearer picture on how you're doing and get to know you better. ?

First let me say, good resisting those urges, mithras!

Second, no matter how long or short your posts are on here, as long as you express yourself and prove to mithras that you are constantly not gaming and focused more on improving mithras, it shouldn't matter if you can logic on the forums or not, it's about the integrity of what you say. Just look at other people's journals.

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Day 7

Late again for work. It's getting embarrassing,

The headaches are gone, and while I'm still exhausted I can feel myself getting a little more energetic, especially when I got home.

Got cravings today but nothing big. I'm currently interested in starting a vegetarian diet. Will do more research once I wake up from bed.

Not a bad day, just got nothing to say much for now. Did my laundry today.

 

I think the exhaustion is going to go away soon. Just a hunch.

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 Today was great, if I was still gaming I would've never went through with visiting my family just because, and I still wouldn't know what my dad's apartment look like. He lived there for 2 years already. I just realized I never visited my father for longer than that. Today was really great, I feel like I'm getting my life in order. 

This is what it's all about. Your dad is a real person in the real world, and that is what matters. It's nice to hear that you had a good day. 

This is just the way I write and get my thoughts organized, but do you think it's best if my entries should be more focused? I set out to be as comprehensive as possible for my own reference, but it may not be the best way to go with things, I may be sharing too much or i'm just putting filler for the only really important stuff...

In my opinion you should write whatever comes to mind. I know from myself that when I start my journal entries, I have no idea where it's gonna end. Through writing I explore my own thoughts and feelings and I might suddenly see connections between my feelings and seemingly irrelevant experiences. This is your journal, and you should write whatever you feel helps you, relevant to gaming or not. As Mettermrck writes it also helps us get better image of who you are as a person, which in turn let's us come with better feedback.

The headaches are gone, and while I'm still exhausted I can feel myself getting a little more energetic, especially when I got home. [...] I'm currently interested in starting a vegetarian diet. Will do more research once I wake up from bed. 

It's great that you feel like it's going the right way regarding your energy levels. As I can see it, your biggest challenge so far haven't been your cravings (you always seem to manage to handle them) but rather your fatigue. A lack of energy can be extremely demotivating, you'll get even more energetic tomorrow and the day after. It does however seem to me (of course I can't really judge this since I live across the world from you) like you're still a bit occupied by your exhaustion, so starting a vegetarian diet might be a bit much to handle on top of everything else. On the other hand, it could of course be an excellent way to keep your mind off gaming and it could be very interesting to try.

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@qwethm987 Thanks for the advice. I'll be honest, with my first foray into a vegetarian diet I found that almost every vegetable made me gag. Woah man. I think I'm going to do one goal at a time for now, maybe stick with my cardio for now. Actually, I've been thinking of getting back in the gym, trying to psych myself up to actually go.

You're right, fatigue is my biggest challenge right now.

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Day 8 9 10

They say time flies when you're having fun.

Time also flies when you're asleep the rest of the day (or days in this case) but saying time flew recently in this context would imply I actually had fun. Sadly, I did not. I realize this is a bad metaphor. Never mind.

I am now on the end of Day 10 of my detox. I am sad to say that Days 8, and 9 has not been productive, but I didn't relapse, I'm still game-free. The reason for this is I have been sleeping the instant I got home from work.

What is the nature of man? Like it says in the bible:

 

"All people are like grass,

and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;

the grass withers and the flowers fall,

and the bum quitting videogames sleeps forever."

 

I am currently not feeling exhausted enough to skip writing my journal for today. I'm lucky enough that a few good-natured people are paying attention to my progress, and I am eternally grateful to all of you. I wish I'm energetic enough to reply to all of you, and check your journals here in this site, I really do.

But I have a bad feeling I'm still going to sleep the... rest... of my... days off.

 

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Love your song :D:D
Maybe exhaustion is part of it. Part of rebooting our brain. I'm not even working and I slept like a log for 10.5 hours and I could use more. I am usually fine with 6.5-7 hours. So I'm hoping this too shall pass :)

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 @Zala I guess we're both needing sleep these days, huh? That is pretty interesting, right? When I told my aunt about it back then she said she thinks this has something to do with my brain always being on overdrive when I game but now that I stopped the exhaustion of all that gaming is now just catching up on me.

 @Mettermrck, so many people have already told you this but it's always a relief to see you comment. I'm amazed how dedicated you are to make everyone feel welcome and motivated in the forums, you truly are an unsung hero.

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