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BigPete247

Detox for Shocks

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Hey guys im new on here, its feels weird to create an online journal for the first time but i know this is the only way to confirm that i'm serious about detoxing from gaming. Quitting from Wednesday, right now i'm on day 2 and i noticed that everything is starting to slow down around me and i'm more conscious of my surroundings.

With school starting back up for me Monday, i feel confident i can complete the 90 days in no time. Even though i lost all of my friends to my gaming addiction, i feel better now that i can get help from others making the same commitment to quitting on here.

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Quitting from Wednesday, right now i'm on day 2 and i noticed that everything is starting to slow down around me and i'm more conscious of my surroundings.

Welcome. Quitting an activity that overstimulates you does make you more calm and aware. Good luck! 

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Day 3: I'm starting to have those urges to game again, my mind keeps making me think about Assassin's Creed, but it can't make me do anything since i sold my games and my PS4. And with me being broke paying for school, idk what will happen once i do get paid, i fear i may relapse and start gaming again.

Update: Ok, i guess watching youtube videos while playing with a deck of cards at night helps keep my mind occupied, i feel bad that i wasnt able to make things happen when i was gaming but im happy that im making a change in my life. I cant move out of my grandparent s house yet, but there's going to be a light at the end of the tunnel, just got to pray. At times, the only reason i leave the house is to either clear my head or pick something up for my grandmother who has Alzheimer's.

Edited by BigPete247

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I'm with you on Assassin's Creed, Big Pete. I was fortunate in that my laptop wasn't good enough to run Unity or Syndicate so it wasn't a matter of avoiding the craving..it technically wasn't possible. I imagine it's tougher for a console player. I admire your strength! ?

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Pete, I suggest you focus on the matter at hand. For now you don't have to worry about relapsing because you have excess cash.

When you have plenty it's best that you have a ready message for yourself in writing, that would detail how exactly did gaming contribute to the living standard you are expecting now.

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Day 4: Just came back home from school today after being there for 6 hours, and it went ok. Wasn't thinking about creating my next character online, wasn't thinking about buying games, wasn't trying to force people to 'add me online', school isn't a dating site (for gamers, lol). People come there to learn and focus on earning their degrees, and the best part about it is that i'm in a class with upper level sophomores, seniors, and juniors with no nostalgic teens to break my concentration. So there are some high expectations for me and no nerds trying to game in my classes, its all black people trying to get somewhere.

Being back in class reminds me of my senior year in high school, all pumped up and motivated for that first lesson. The teachers there seemed more open about a plethora of literal and up-to-date topics on what's going on out there in neo trump america and the local areas of where i live. I feel that i can really do this now minus my books, i'm still having trouble getting those after some confusion in my financial aid. 

The real challenge has just begun.

 

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Day 5: Alright, got some good news coming my way and man does it feel good to finally get these in the mail today after so many years of hard work. I think this is a great first step towards self-improvement for anybody if they put their minds to it. I would award myself with a nice session of Forza Motorsport but now that i actually have some merit in my life, not quitting from gaming would have just reminded me that i suck at life and can't get nothing right, all of you can agree, some of you can't, and it's fine just as long as you have something to look forward to at the end of the day.

Anyway, it should be easier to apply for the technician and therapist jobs i have been researching for weeks now and this made me even happier. Now i can finally move on the next thing in my life: Getting my Bachelor's Degrees and scouting for jobs. And i have you all, Cam, and my other support to thank that pushed me to snap out my 'virtual world' and do what i was supposed to do in the first place. So, thank you. 

Back to reality, ill just keep this short, leaving from my second group of classes today i met a 15 year army veteran and he told me the in's and outs of how to beat the VA's system. Look hurt and file for PTSD. With gaming, i never really would've paid attention to it but now that i'm fully attentive, i actually listened to him and accepted his advice. Two wins. 

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Associate's Degrees.jpg

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Day 6: Just got out of my psychology class and about to head to my next in a few mins. Sometimes i feel like my life is confusing and nobody understands me when i say nothing about how my life has changed. Why? I guess like they say, ignorance is bliss. It might be me though, maybe im just not expressing myself enough to make others believe me when i say ' im trying to get somewhere' maybe im just being ignorant and self-centered towards others or theyre making me think that, idk anymore. Gaming used to be my passion but i had so many people punch me in the face about it, i had to make a decision, quit or stay in my comfort zone. I just dont know.

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You'll get there, Pete. It's a process...you're quitting games, your brain is confused without one of its big emotional supports, and it can feel insane sometimes. I tried to trust the process and ignore the emotions and physical withdrawal. It will get better even if it doesn't feel like that now.

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You'll get there, Pete. It's a process...you're quitting games, your brain is confused without one of its big emotional supports, and it can feel insane sometimes. I tried to trust the process and ignore the emotions and physical withdrawal. It will get better even if it doesn't feel like that now.

Yeah, i agree @Mettermrck, letting go of gaming is one thing i gave up sadly but i threw down almost $2000 on games, i cant get that or my friends back, so its time to move on. Im going to start fresh with one thing im grateful for everyday to alleviate the negativity from my journal.

I'm Grateful for school and my family pushing me forward to success

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Day 6: Just got out of my psychology class and about to head to my next in a few mins. Sometimes i feel like my life is confusing and nobody understands me when i say nothing about how my life has changed. Why? I guess like they say, ignorance is bliss. 

Do you have social anxiety? If you do, people around you probably don't understand this state of "portable hell" and if they are non-gamers quitting doesn't mean much to them. It will get better after some time, do you have some hobby with friendly society around it? 

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Day 6: Just got out of my psychology class and about to head to my next in a few mins. Sometimes i feel like my life is confusing and nobody understands me when i say nothing about how my life has changed. Why? I guess like they say, ignorance is bliss. 

Do you have social anxiety? If you do, people around you probably don't understand this state of "portable hell" and if they are non-gamers quitting doesn't mean much to them. It will get better after some time, do you have some hobby with friendly society around it? 

Well @HappyCat, i just got into an argument with my dad about why i don't listen to anybody or tune out people, that's a problem i run across nearly everyday and idk what to do or say to fix it, its like being in a losing battle with myself, i never think for nobody but myself and i never been in a sociable environment except through gaming on big MMOs like ESO online, nobody cares on there its just like getting into school, either your with the in crowd or the out crowd. I'm also trying to find a school organization that i want to get into, something that slightly fits my major.

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I don't know what to say here, I was never accused of shutting people out, but you phrasing makes me think maybe you're not comfortable around people?

I was bery shy and reserved by the end of the school. It became better at the university where since there were a lot of people who shared my interests. Now that I thinnk of it I probably should have switched school years before I graduated it.

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you're right @HappyCat, maybe i need to stop trying to think i'm right about everything because deep down i really don't know a whole lot about being sociable. The shyness is still there and i just got to live as respectable to myself as i can. Overtime, other people will understand and comfortably ask questions. I need to allow myself to think first then speak, so to not confuse people. 

I'm just shy, i even get nervous when i get around my family because i'm afraid i might say the wrong things to them, even though I've been in the military it really didn't improve my social skills as i was training all day, sadly. But as far as high school, i regretted letting games get between me and keeping up with my friends once i moved out of Georgia 7 years ago. But its not too late to work on it. ;)

 

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Day 7: 

Well, still no heavy first day schoolwork to knock out but there are a couple lessons that we went over in class today, and some homework assigned by my English professor. Pretty easy, just have to do an autobiography on one of the 45th presidents of the 1700s, i think. Had some thoughts this afternoon about playing Forza Motorsport in class, i even had a dream about buying an Xbox and playing Forza from this morning, guess it must be the side effects of the detox.

But im not going to give in to those evil thoughts, im going to beat these 90 days no matter what. I completely forgot to cancel my Game Informer subscription that came in the mail today since i don't read them anymore, in fact, the first thing i did was throw it in the shredder, all 97 pages. I met up with this one kid in my class who was also a veteran and offered me help in my English 300 class. 

I was surprised by this because usually i would be distant from new people in class on the first day to not be random. Now im laughing and joking with this guy, and it felt great. Really liking this detox thing, it allow me to be more comfortable talking to people.

UPDATE:

Just finished my Autobiography and now its time for a little Blind Commentaries on TV shows until tomorrow

I'm grateful for my computer to work and my homework to keep me busy.

Edited by BigPete247

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It seems like you've had a really good day and might end up with a great friend. I think it's great you've met another veteran, since that is quite a big thing to have in common.

The fact that you shredded the magazine without second thoughts is really a good sign of your progress. I don't know the magazine, but I asume you've spent money on it, which could easily have made you hesitant. Instead you were strong and quickly got rid of it. 

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A week in and already some fantastic results! It's great that you're seeing a brighter side of life, even with the seemingly simplest of things like having fun hanging out with people and finding a new confidence to do so. Well done!

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