Do your Parents help or hurt your video game addiction?

[AcupunctureFTW]

How do you feel parents play a role in video game addiction? Do you find that nagging you to stop makes you want to play more? Does having game time minimized work? Do you find you want to quit, but once your parents try to force you to stop, you just end up playing again?

In my own experience, and from working with both parents and video game addicts, parents can easily undo progress. 

What are some ways you find parents support you in quitting? What are some ways they could do better?

[Piotr]

That nagging as you said, stigma and complaining: "look who's out of it's room". Definitely made me game more. What's worse, it made me isolate from my family because I've didn't felt save with my own family. It was a kind of "closed loop".

What they could do better? Be more supportive and lovable instead of hateful and nagging. 

Sad but true. 

[AcupunctureFTW]

I hear you. You are in very good company. 

[destoroyah]

 I could complain. I could praise. They did some wrong stuff – and I forgive them for everything – but I will list it:

• they also cornered me like @Piotr making it difficult to change my behavior.
• they forgot me in front of the TV
• they didn't spend much time with me – I was always a nuisance, despite being a very quiet and obedient kid
• I wanted to box and play the drums as a kid, they wanted me to play the recorder and do judo (I hated that, and I still want to box and drum to this day, I wish they would've just let me. In the end I financed my own lessons for drumming (1000$ per year) and never had the courage to train for boxing)
• my mom was an alcoholic – that created incredible issues and just listing those would explode the thread. As a consequence I had a lot of issues to solve after moving out, it is probably the reason I'm still not done with my bachelor at age 30 – but that shouldn't matter – I just wish she had been stronger and to justify that wish I take her situation as an example and it to my duty to never surrender
• my dad hid from my mom's problems and turned into a workaholic – leaving me and my siblings to fix the problem (and they soon left or turned to drugs), I never fixed the problem, I just needed to live with (hiding in videogames) it because I had no authority over her, and now she's standing closely before dementia

That all contributing to me forfeiting reality.

Nevertheless, I don't blame them, because I know their circumstances – and they weren't easy. Our family had been a project where we all tugged thru in our own way, and I forgive them and I love them despite everything. It's now fairly stable after having collapsed, and I like the peace in its ruins. I tried not to put the blame on them – even though as a teen I sort of did – because it doesn't solve shit. I'm sure that if I ever had kids, there'd be something bad about me as a parent – even if I'd give it my all. There always is, in every family, and if there isn't – they're fakeass people.

In the end I'm thankful for all the problems, because I have found solutions for most of them and that has granted me spirit, relentlessness, character and versatility.

My mom could've done better, if she hadn't taken so much shit from everyone.

To get me away from videogames... hm... I don't think that I as a kid needed more attention, rather should they have paid more attention to themselves. They never set an example that I deemed worth following, I think that's a foundation of the problem. They did things right, because they felt it should be that way, not because they actually pursued their heart. To me, it seems, they tried to do well, because it was expected. They should've lived more by heart.

Of course I might be romanticizing it... but I know that I don't want to follow their footsteps because they are too forced. I want to find the stuff that is intrinsic to me.

Edited March 28, 2017 by destoroyah

[AcupunctureFTW]

Thanks for sharing, Destroyah! Your points seem very fair and astute. Thanks for bringing it up as a highlight that you forgive them for everything. Also, truer words were never said:

 In the end I'm thankful for all the problems, because I have found solutions for most of them and that has granted me spirit, relentlessness, character and versatility.

[Stercus accidit]

Parents play a huge role in learning how to play games and not fall into the addiction as well as in fighting with it.
Nagging never helped, it even made things worse, especially when you get put down. Game time minimalized works only if you have already learned how to control yourself entirely. If not. Other activities should fulfill the time spent on games.
I did my 90-day detox. After the detox, I had my ups and downs. I think their behavior can have a significant impact on relapse probability. It all depends on how one values their opinions and actions. In my experience when after 90-day detox they had no influence in my relapse. 
Before 90-day detox, any try to quit gaming was unsuccessful, in my case, for many reasons including parents.

[Reno F]

This is an interesting topic.

I understand that when you are confronted with your problems, you get on 'defense mode'. I see how parents should do better, but it is way easier to make a change on yourself first. Get used to having people trying to snap you away from your goals. They will never go away.

My addiction kicked in way after I left home (back in the day games weren't as addictive as they are today), so my parents didn't play a big role in it.

I am married though, and my wife never said a word about it. It helped that I made a decision of never playing when she was at home. I believe she thought there was something wrong, but she left me to see it for myself which I'm very grateful.

Edited March 29, 2017 by Reno F
I am married

[Mhyrion]

I also got addicted after leaving home. My husband nagged a lot when I started playing more and more. He had all the rights and reasons to, but I just rationalized everything and I started lying about my whereabouts etc. In the end the lying is one of the things that added up to the 'this is definitely not right' feeling and acknowledgement that I had a problem. But the nagging also made me game more, as that was one more thing I wanted to escape. In the end, you need to find the reasons to quit that work for you, goals that you can work towards and are enthusiastic about. No parents or Significant Others can do that for you. I also talked with my hubby how he can best support me, turns out we had different expectations about that and syncing them really helped.

[Hitaru]

 I could complain. I could praise. They did some wrong stuff – and I forgive them for everything – but I will list it:

• they also cornered me like @Piotr making it difficult to change my behavior.
• they forgot me in front of the TV
• they didn't spend much time with me – I was always a nuisance, despite being a very quiet and obedient kid
• I wanted to box and play the drums as a kid, they wanted me to play the recorder and do judo (I hated that, and I still want to box and drum to this day, I wish they would've just let me. In the end I financed my own lessons for drumming (1000$ per year) and never had the courage to train for boxing)
• my mom was an alcoholic – that created incredible issues and just listing those would explode the thread. As a consequence I had a lot of issues to solve after moving out, it is probably the reason I'm still not done with my bachelor at age 30 – but that shouldn't matter – I just wish she had been stronger and to justify that wish I take her situation as an example and it to my duty to never surrender
• my dad hid from my mom's problems and turned into a workaholic – leaving me and my siblings to fix the problem (and they soon left or turned to drugs), I never fixed the problem, I just needed to live with (hiding in videogames) it because I had no authority over her, and now she's standing closely before dementia

That all contributing to me forfeiting reality.

Nevertheless, I don't blame them, because I know their circumstances – and they weren't easy. Our family had been a project where we all tugged thru in our own way, and I forgive them and I love them despite everything. It's now fairly stable after having collapsed, and I like the peace in its ruins. I tried not to put the blame on them – even though as a teen I sort of did – because it doesn't solve shit. I'm sure that if I ever had kids, there'd be something bad about me as a parent – even if I'd give it my all. There always is, in every family, and if there isn't – they're fakeass people.

In the end I'm thankful for all the problems, because I have found solutions for most of them and that has granted me spirit, relentlessness, character and versatility.

My mom could've done better, if she hadn't taken so much shit from everyone.

To get me away from videogames... hm... I don't think that I as a kid needed more attention, rather should they have paid more attention to themselves. They never set an example that I deemed worth following, I think that's a foundation of the problem. They did things right, because they felt it should be that way, not because they actually pursued their heart. To me, it seems, they tried to do well, because it was expected. They should've lived more by heart.

Of course I might be romanticizing it... but I know that I don't want to follow their footsteps because they are too forced. I want to find the stuff that is intrinsic to me.

I feel you sir, my family history is the same but with genders changed (dad alcoholic, mom workaholic), no drugs, no siblings and lots of passive-agressive doting (my mother would pay for every activity I fancied after making me feel terrible about it, then I would drop it after the curiosity/new thing hype and a lot of passive-agressive flak would ensue, to this day still). In our case, there was no project (though my mother tried to keep my father around as long as possible for the sake of me "having a family"). She had always a huge dysthymic streak (shared with me, "From the tree comes the bark", was it?) and really needy of affection, tried to settle with the asshole of the week (namely my father) and of course was a disaster in the long run. Seriously people, sunk cost fallacy, keep it always in mind. Oh boy, I sometimes wonder how I ended up here, odds being so low. Makes you think about life purpose, you know? Yeah, I'm sure you do.

In my experience (both personal and from what I've seen in many others), parents tend to react very passively to problems, as norm. May be a generational thing, but consider that previous generations of parents dealt with problems with a literal stick (and some still do) so we can be thankful of the nagging in some way. I know, "Could be worse" argument is not really an argument, but I still think we should give it some thought.

Secondly, parents act both as an echo chamber and magnifier. For instance, if your parents (I'm using second person impersonally here, as in "someone") are really involved with your detox, you will notice how they apparently take much worse a relapse than you (or try to play it down if they see you're having a bad time, which ironically can also be annoying). In the end I think that's just a mix of ignorance and mild desperation. They want to reach out but don't know how. Duh, opening up and being vulnerable with you on a one-on-one real dialogue, yes, but they are in this mindset/social role of "strongman", providers, protectors. Showing vulnerability and raw honesty would be approaching as an equal and "Parents ain't no equals to children". And also there's the feeling of distrust, scorn and defensiveness of the addict. It's hard to come back with a smile when you're told to scram several times and the best of your intentions. 

There are many kinds of parents but those are some common issues I've observed. 

Edited April 18, 2017 by Hitaru