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NEW VIDEO: Psychologist's WARNING About VIDEO GAMES

d1rty's secrets


d1rtydeedz
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It seems odd putting down personal thoughts and feelings for a bunch of strangers to peruse and judge.  But what the hell, all of you are doing it so I guess it's a jump with both feet.  I hope the water's warm.

Today is my first journal entry.  I just came across this site this morning and it really hit home.  I'm long overdue for a change and I'm hopeful this site and the great people in it, yep throwing bones already, will help me wade through this nose-deep mess of gaming waste I'm buried in.

Here's some truth:  I'm doubtful, I'm worried, even a little scared.  I haven't even told my wife about what I'm doing here because I'm afraid to admit I have a problem.  Phew *brow wipe*, step one completed.  At least I hope that's step one; it's at least a little step right?

Here's some more truth:  I was doing anything I could think of to stay busy today to stay away from this devilishly good gaming computer I've loving built over the years.  I'm hoping to turn it into a really expensive email-checking machine.  Anyway, I recently came in from outside to find the wife watching a show I don't like so instinctively headed towards the computer....While en route, I battled with myself mentally to open up this site instead of Steam.  Well Cam, you helped me win the first battle cause here I am, writing to cyber space, hoping on a flow of verbiage witty yet heartfelt.  Yes, it's a pathetic coping mechanism but it's what I'm working with at the moment.

I've taken Cam's advice and stolen a journal template; here we go.

DAY # -  <1

Time I woke up: 0600

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2230

Exercise:  Notta.

Mental task: Researched building a fence. 

Projects:  Joined Game Quitters.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Began working on my busted fence.

~ Fixed my doorbell which has been broken for 6 1/2 years.

~ Ran to Home Depot to get fence building materials. Holy crap this stuff is expensive. 

Summary of Day #:

Found Game Quitters, joined, began journal.  Avoided my computer like the plague by keeping busy around the house.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ My new journey.

10-8 at my 42.

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Hi @ d1rtydeedzI'm glad you've created a journal. I was also skeptical when I first started but it turned out to be the strongest thing which holds me back from gaming.

For me it's not even the community itself, although I really apprieciate all support I receive here, but it's more about inner dialogue. Now when I write about my day on daily basis I began to spot patterns in my behaviours. I finally stopped lying myself that I do good even when I really failed the thing. I also started to apprieciate smaller things.

Greetings from Poland, enjoy your stay here! ) 

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Good job on starting your journal!

I can recommend to -whenever you feel ready- share your journal with your wife. My hubby reads mine and it has really helped him understand what I'm going through.

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DAY # -  2

Time I woke up: 0630

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2300

Exercise:  6 hours of manual labor.

Mental task: Personal reflection. 

Projects:  Fence project.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

1. Opted-out of all Steam emails.
2. Uninstalled Steam games and Steam.  While uninstalling I was noticing the huge amount of hours I've spent on gaming.  Imagine all the things I could have done with those hours.  Learning guitar, a new language, tying flies [I'm a fly fisherman], playing and teaching my kids...
3. Uninstalled Steam:  felt a feeling of discomfort in my stomach.  Did it anyway. Sense of pride.
4. Uninstalled Origin games and Origin.  Holy crap this is an odd feeling, so many hours, so much time...  On the bright side, I just dramatically increased the free space on my hard drives.  Yes, hard drives, I've four large hard drives.
5. Went through 'Programs and Features' under 'Control Panel', hunted for other games and sent them to the void as well.  Ughhh.  Feeling a bit overwhelmed, need to go do something outside to distract me.  It's a good day for digging post holes for the fence...
6. Hunted down and removed game-related programs on my computer.  This cleanse has to be all-encompassing.
7. Trying to make myself feel better by imagining all the new things I can get accomplished/take part in. It's helping a little.
8. Uninstalled Uplay games and Uplay.  This is getting tougher, it feels like I'm getting rid of part of myself.
9. Uninstalled all games and game-related apps on my cell-phone.
10.  All this uninstalling took me nearly two hours...
11. I gained a good perspective on the amount of time and energy I was spending on gaming.  Too much.
12. I feel anxious, worried, relieved.  I feel like I just cleared my schedule.  I feel expectant of better times, excited and worried about new opportunities.
13. Dug out three rotted fence posts and the concrete bases.  Installed new metal posts with new concrete. Reset the fence line and am waiting on concrete to set.

Summary of Day #:

Cleansed my computer and cell of games and game-related apps and features.  Also cleansed my browser and various other areas, such as email, of game related instances.  Worked hard outside for most of the day.  Spoke with the wife about my new journey, she was very supportive.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ My new journey.

10-8 at my 42.

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Good job on starting your journal!

I can recommend to -whenever you feel ready- share your journal with your wife. My hubby reads mine and it has really helped him understand what I'm going through.

@Mhyrion :  I spoke with the wife today.  She was very supportive and happy.

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DAY # -  <3

Time I woke up: 0630

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2100

Exercise:  2 hours of yard work.

Mental task: Personal reflection.

Projects:  Finished up my fence project.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

1. Slept with the kids in the camper last night, went to bed at 2100.
2. Got up and helped the wife with breakfast.
3. It rained last night so working on my fence project is going to be muddy.  Afterthought:  it wasn't too bad,got the fence project completed.
4. We have a road-trip today so I better get moving on the fence project.
5. It's good to be busy.

Summary of Day #:

Kept busy again.  Found myself on edge and grumpy most of the day.  Went to an anniversary lunch with twenty-five or so family members, did not enjoy it much.  Found myself very introverted, didn't' want to speak with anyone.  I was very irritable today, and tired.  Almost depressed.

Went in to the office to complete my time card.  Spoke with some co-workers about nothing-in-particular.  It was good seeing the 'work family'.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ My new journey.

10-8 at my 42.

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The first two weeks tend to be the most difficult mood wise. hang in there and keep being productive. It will help!

I used gaming as a way to hide from a lot of feelings.  I had a rough couple years at work which I'm embarrassed to say led to some ptsd.  I found gaming as an escape from feeling out-of-control.  I could hide in a controlled world, and fully submit myself to a new "life".  It took a long time to process through the incidents I was involved in; at least process enough to get a grip on it.  I don't believe the effects will ever truly be gone.  However; gaming was a temporary answer which led to bad habits and lost opportunities.  It had it's place, now it's time to move on.

Thank-you for what you're doing Cam.  For some of us, it means the world.  Though some may not understand the suffering, this is a place where we can all be honest because we're surrounded by like individuals.

d1rty

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DAY # -  4

Time I woke up: 0800

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2230

Exercise:  notta

Mental task: Personal reflection.  Researched meditation. 

Projects:  notta, had visitors.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Slept in until 0800.  That may seem odd to most on this forum, but I'm used to getting up much earlier.
  2. Spent the morning hanging out with the wife and mother-in-law.  She's moved in for a week to help out with the new little one.  No worries, I love her dearly and we get along great.
  3. Got the oldest boy off to school and played allot with the middle boy.  In case you're wondering, I have four kids, one girl, three boys.
  4. Had a friend from work come over for a couple hours; it was a good visit.
  5. Read for a couple hours, "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It's free on Google Play, as are many other popular and older titles.
  6. Downloaded 'Audible'.  I'm going to take Cam's advice and try out some mediation techniques and to listen to audible books and podcasts.
  7. Downloaded a movie, "Hacksaw Ridge", going to watch it right after I finish this journal entry.
  8. Helped the wife with dinner; she's an awesome cook by the way.  Fellas, if you're not married yet, find yourself a good cook.  Looks fade, but good cooking only gets better!
  9. Created twenty valentines with my daughter for her classmates tomorrow.

Summary of Day #:

Slept in, stayed inside most of the day.  I was actually in a decent mood most of the day.  I think the new book I'm reading really helped. Finished the night with some pie, wine and a movie with the wife and mother-in-law.  I actually enjoyed hanging out with others today.  Today was a win.  

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ My new journey.

~ My new book.

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  5

Time I woke up: 0600

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2230

Exercise:  One hour manual labor.

Mental task: Personal reflection.  Reading.

Projects:  Annual taxes.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Worked outside for about an hour after getting the oldest off to school.
  2. The wife and I got our taxes done.  Another year in the black, biggest yet.
  3. Attended oldest son's art exhibit and bought his art.  There were a lot of people there, I instantly became grumpy and wanted to leave.
  4. Worked on laundry.
  5. Took the oldest son to his first night of 'mini ninjas'; a local karate dojo.  He had a great time and it was a lot of fun watching him enjoy himself with his peers.

Summary of Day #:

Got my taxes done today and came out ahead; more so than any other year.  It's a good feeling having extra cash to pay bills down and beef-up the savings account.  I spoke with the dojo Master about joining myself.  I'm hoping to join but apprehensive.  I feel too old, and always have issues with 'putting myself out there'.  I feel like I would enjoy the challenge, and the exercise would be beneficial.  I also look forward to sparring with my sons down the road.  I hope I find the courage to pull the trigger on this one.

I found myself unconsciously heading to the computer to game a few times today.  I was able to stop myself before even sitting down, but realized the gaming side of me is hard-wired in and I still have a long way to go.  I went out and bought battle ship to teach the daughter.

So far I've been pleased with this forum and Cam's videos.  I think I'll invest monetarily soon.   I have a feeling I'm going to need the extra edge of Cam's full course before too long.  I'm so used to doing things on my own but stubbornly realize I can't do it all.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ Watching by eldest boy in karate.

~ My new book.

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  6

Time I woke up: 0630

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2300

Exercise:  notta.

Mental task: Reading, began learning about programming.

Projects:  HTML coding

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Ran some errands with the wife.
  2. Checked out "Free Code Camp" and "Git Hub".

Summary of Day #:

After getting the munchkins off to school, I ran some errands with the wife.  I wanted to get out for some fly fishing but the wife asked me to come along with her, so of course I did.  Got an accountability partner and read his journal.  Learned about 'Free Code Camp" on my accountability partner's journal and decided to check it out.  Seemed pretty interesting, so I joined up and began learning about coding.  Not sure it will go anywhere, but it's always fun to learn new things and it keeps me away from gaming.

Talked to the wife about picking up karate; she was supportive.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ Finding a new hobby through FCC.

~ Having an accountability partner.

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  7

Time I woke up: 0630

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2300

Exercise:  Short hike.

Mental task: Reading, continued learning about programming.

Projects:  HTML coding and CSS

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Worked on FCC.
  2. Worked on Code Academy.
  3. Joined Code Academy to augment FCC.
  4. Went fishing.

Summary of Day #:

Cut my two oldest boys hair this morning before school; they turned out pretty good.  Worked on coding for quite a while; I'm really enjoying learning something new.  Maybe down the road I can do a little freelance coding for extra cash.  Went fishing with my oldest boy this afternoon after he got home from school.  Caught a nice large-mouth bass, pretty happy about it considering the time of year.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ Fishing with my boy.

~ Discovering 'Code Academy'. {it's more my speed}

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  8

Time I woke up: 0700

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2300

Exercise:  Played with the kids at the park.

Mental task: Reading, continued learning about programming.

Projects:  HTML coding and CSS

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Worked on FCC.
  2. Worked on Code Academy.
  3. Built a fort with the kids in the living room.
  4. Took the family to the park.

Summary of Day #:

Woke up and fixed breakfast for the whole family today because there was no school.  Read my book and drank morning coffee, morning coffee is a must.  Played with the kids then studied coding during nap time.  Barbecued outside to take advantage of the warmer than usual weather.  Took the wife and kids to the park.  Worked on coding some more.

Had a couple weak moments today but pulled through.  Was mainly in a positive mood and enjoyed hanging out with my kids.

I'm really enjoying learning coding, it's challenging but rewarding at the same time.  It takes concentration and determination, and time.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ Warm days in February.

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  9

Time I woke up: 0700

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2300

Exercise:  Went geocaching.

Mental task: Reading, continued learning about programming.

Projects:  Finished Code Academy's HTML and CSS Part 1.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Worked on FCC and Code Academy.
  2. Finished Code Academy's first course: HTML and CSS.  It was long but quite interesting.
  3. Went geocaching with the two oldest boys.
  4. Had family dinner and a movie.

Summary of Day #:

The wife is having a 'sip and see' today to introduce the new baby to her friends and family.  It's the new thing, instead of a 'baby shower', we now have 'sip and sees'.  All the gals get together at a local coffee shop, or similar, pass the baby around, chat and drink coffee or whatever else they'd prefer.  Meanwhile the two oldest boys and I went off-roading in the truck, tracked down a geocache, climbed a "mountain" according to my eldest son, and drove the dirt roads for awhile.  Both boys fell asleep in the truck, giving me the cue it was time to head for home.  I then sat down to dinner and a movie with the family, worked on some code, read, and went to bed.  I had a couple moments where I envisioned myself not being busy at home and how tough it would be to stay off the games.  I'm grateful I deleted everything game-related from my computer and cell.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ An afternoon outside with my two oldest boys.IMG_20170218_153533.thumb.jpg.3f8c63d180

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  10

Time I woke up: 0700

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2230

Exercise:  notta

Mental task: Coding, reading.

Projects:  Worked on my camper.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Worked on my camper.
  2. Furthered my coding studies.

Summary of Day #:

Rough night of sleep, just couldn't get comfortable.  Had breakfast with the family then researched cellphone application software. Worked outside on my camper.  Fixed a piece of molding which had partially fallen off the ceiling.  As in, picked at by the kids during last camping season until it nearly fell off.  Had lunch with the kids.  Have you tried jicama?  If not, you need to.  It's the greatest unknown vegetable.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ Jicama.

10-8 at my 42.

Edited by d1rtydeedz
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Love your openness - I especially liked your day 2 entry. It's been my experience the hours it takes to de-entwine one's life from gaming is almost therapeutic. Glad to see you bringing your wife on board too!

Especially nice reading about your experiences with a vibrant family and seeing your projects being accomplished. Keep up the good work!

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DAY # -  11

Time I woke up: 0645

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2230

Exercise:  3 hour hike.

Mental task: Coding, reading, personal reflection.

Projects:  Installed a new car seat in my truck.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Breakfast with the kids.
  2. Fed the dogs and got some coffee.
  3. Installed a new car seat in my truck.  Thank God I have a mega cab.  Four kids, all four still in car seats, takes a lot of room.
  4. Went geocaching for a few hours.
  5. Took a drive in the truck with the oldest kids and a friend of theirs.
  6. Had dinner with the oldest boys [the wife was out with the youngest and our girl on a girl's day].
  7. Watched the first Transformers movie with the boys.

Summary of Day #:

Tried to sleep in but couldn't, kids were being too noisy.  Got up and got the day started.  Had a yearning to play some minecraft, pushed it aside and went and fed the dogs.  Installed a new car seat in my truck.  With the new baby, that's four kids in car seats.  I don't know how I'd do it without the megacab, and I'm a truck guy so...Decided I needed to get away from the house for a few hours because I was feeling drawn to gaming today.  I loaded up my oldest boy, my girl and a friend of theirs and took them geocaching.  It was great to get out of the house and a reminder the adventures are out in the great outdoors, not found within a games' fancy computer graphics.  I can feel myself changing, I've been feeling more interested in others and life outside of gaming.  I'm more easily engaged and look forward to doing physical activities.  I've still a long way to go, but I'm at the point where I'm starting to realize the benefits of leaving the gaming in my past.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ Geocaching.

~ My sweet truck.

58ab9dba917cb_Neals_Cell_Winter_Spring_2MesaTrail01.thumb.jpg.7be590a688f281aab3

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  12

Time I woke up: 0615

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2300

Exercise:  1 hour of martial arts.

Mental task: Coding, reading, personal reflection.

Projects:  Home hunting.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Got up early again.
  2. Amazon shopping for an upcoming birthday.
  3. Began learning javascript.
  4. House hunting.
  5. Joined a local karate dojo.

Summary of Day #:

It's my last day of paternity leave.  I have to join the workforce again tomorrow. (can you hear the boos?)  Tackled javascript today, I like it more than html.  I'm beginning to see cell phone application possibilities for work.  Looked at a nearby property.  The wife and I are wanting to move to a more rural location with a little land.  Had a conversation with the wife about my Game Quitters journey.  She stated she's already noticing a positive change in my demeanor and attitude.  I also joined a local karate dojo with my oldest son today and had my first class.  He had his second class, as he went last week as well.  After getting thrown around for an hour, I can tell I'm going to be feeling it in the morning.  I'm the oldest student in the class by far and the only white belt.  Haha, funny I know, but I'm gonna be beating those little buggers up in no time.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ Karate.

~ Self improvement.

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  13

Time I woke up: 0500

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2300

Exercise:  A few hours of training.

Mental task: Personal reflection.

Projects:  Work.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. Up at 0500.
  2. First day back to work.
  3. Trained with my dog for the afternoon and early evening.

Summary of Day #:

The middle boy had me up at 0500 and he wouldn't go back to sleep, so early day.  It wasn't so bad though, I got the coffee rolling and drank me a cup.  Returned to work after thirty days on paternity leave.  It was a day..first thing when I turned my work laptop on, I checked my email to see I had around three hundred or so.  Then the laptop's hard-drive crashes.  Talk about stressed, I have a lot of information on that hard drive which I need.  Thank-fully I did a back-up a couple months back but still.  I'm also now swamped playing catch-up.   All this had me thinking back to why I gamed so often, it was a way for me to escape these negative feelings from work.  Now for a bit of good news:  I found a thumb drive I thought I lost which had a few presentations of mine; very glad to get that back.  I then trained for five or six hours which was nice, I always enjoy training.  Training helps me to focus on one thing and clear my mind of distractions and stresses.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ Finding my thumb drive.

~ Training with my best friend.

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  14

Time I woke up: 0500

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2300

Exercise:  notta

Mental task: notta

Projects:  Work.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. First day back to real work, no training today.
  2. Played catch-up at work, gained some ground.
  3. Had health evaluation today.

Summary of Day #:

Woke up early and went to work.  Checked in at the office to find my computer hadn't returned yet.  Played catch-up today, got quite a bit done.  Found out I'll be working nights, starting tonight.  Went home at noon and hung out with the family for the afternoon.  Returned to work to find my laptop was back and all files had been recovered off my crashed hard drive.  Very relieved.  My health eval went great, turns out I'm healthy as an ox.  Overall, not a bad day.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ A great IT team at work who saved my A double S.

10-8 at my 42.

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DAY # -  15

Time I woke up: 1100

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  0400

Exercise:  notta

Mental task: notta

Projects:  Work.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

  1. First day back on night shift.
  2. Worked on some coding.
  3. Upgraded to Windows 10. [Link]

Summary of Day #:

Slept in, kind-of, I'm working nights so I go to bed early morning and get up around noon.  Internet was down, a local construction company cut through the internet lines by mistake.  Hung out with the family for the afternoon.  Decided to finally upgrade to Windows 10; I've been holding out.  Found out I waited too long and now have to pay for it.  Or do I?  Negative ghost-rider, there's still a legitimate and fully legal free upgrade available.  See my link above within my 'Miscellaneous accomplishments' section.  You're welcome.  Upgraded and thought I lost all my Chrome bookmarks, later found out I was logged in under my wife's Window's log-in.  Once I re-logged in under myself, everything was copacetic.  So far, so good, no real opinion yet of Windows 10.  Visited with a friend during work for a while, good to see him.  Not a bad day at all.

What I am grateful for today:

~ My children.

~ My wife.

~ My faith.

~ Friend visits.

10-8 at my 42.

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