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Life has changed in a matter of days.


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So I've been talking to this one girl for about 3 months. All day everyday form 10 am to 2 am we would just text each other, and then sometimes we would call each other for 3 hours at a time. She would tell me everything and I would tell her things too we learned a lot about each other. So one day she said she wanted to cuddle and I said we could, and she said friends don't cuddle and I said we could be more than friends, and she said that I was a great man, and maybe we could in the far future, but she told me she wasn't ready for anything serious. She ended up calling me her best friend. I was fine with this for a while. Until I found out she was still in love with her ex that they apparently ended in a bad break up. So she is still in love with him. She does everything with him now, and tags him in relationship stuff. Then she says to me how much she loves him. But when I kept on asking her if she wanted to date she just said I don't know. Which is odd because usually you know if you like a person or not. But then right after she called me her best friend she just stopped all contact. Unless of course I start the conversation first. But then I have to wait about 8-9 hours before she decided to  reply. She only starts something up when she need cheering up or when she is crying. But then when I ask her about it she doesn't want to talk about which annoys me because if you don't want to talk about it why send it in the first place? I don't know what I should do should I stop talking to her or start talking to her? My friends told me to break of the friendship they said she was just using me as a crutch when her and her ex have problems. I don't know why it came to this, we used to hang out a bit and she always enjoyed herself and wanted to do something again. But now she doesn't want to do anything anymore. This relationship at first made me so happy and I enjoyed life again. Just to have someone I could trust with everything and talk to all the time. But the weirdest thing happened she got really pissed off at me because I was sad, and disappointing that she didn't like me. She said I knew this would happen and then just stopped talking to me for a day. I tried to talk to her but she would say much it was a few words here and a few words there. I don't know it's just odd how she changed so suddenly.   

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Hey, I've been there. It sucks.

Not sure whether you're asking for advice or just venting.

Sorry for the unsolicited advice but here is what I think you should do, in short: Invest your time in yourself. Keep yourself busy. Value your time, yourself and stop tolerating low class behaviour. Get away from it.

Don't try to reason with her. It won't work. This girl is trouble, you don't want to get more involved than you already are. Listen to your friends. I wish I had listened to mine.

Keep strong, mate.

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 Value your time, yourself and stop tolerating low class behaviour.

Sorry. I know, I am late. But I feel like I should stress what Reno said. Value yourself! Right now, people will use you because you listen, which is nice. People who listen are nice people, I would say. But the problem is the part about being used. You are a nice guy. You want people to be happy and you kind of - and that might be an issue - measure yourself and your happiness on the basis of how people react to you. You were happy when she talked to you but now that she avoids you, you are sad. Like I said, all is good.

But you have to start respecting yourself. If a person enjoys your company as long as he or she can use you to express feelings but suddenly avoids you when you become "work", you should look in the mirror and say "no". "No, I do not let people use me and drop me". There will always be people that take for granted what you are willing to give. But at some point, you have to surround yourself with people who talk, when you listen and who listen when you talk. Respect is not just handed out it is earned. This girl does not deserve your respect if you ask me. And the best thing you can do now is to stop thinking about what you might have done wrong or whatever. Stop thinking about why she acts like an ignorant person towards you. Start thinking about what you will do about it. Will you be sad and question everything you did or will you stand up and focus on finding people that actually value your time and effort?

You are a valuable person. But if you do not treat yourself as valuable person, nobody will. Keep moving. You have this under control.

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  • 1 month later...

From my perspective, it seems like she's using you. I would strongly recommend distancing yourself from her. If she tries to get close to you again after that, you can remind her that when you tried, she pushed you away.

I've honestly heard this story so many times and the answer is always the same..

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