Need some insight and help

[Wolfynesss]

So I've been a pretty big gamer most of my life. I started playing when I was 5. Didn't really get heavily into it until around 2007 when online gaming became a big thing. I played all the big online shooters. Halo, CoD, and others. I would play all hours of the night. I would go to work on only 3 hours of sleep or less. During my 1 hour lunch breaks, I'd go home and play games the entire time during my break. Also I was heavily addicted to porn too. I'd switch between porn and gaming during my gaming sessions. This lasted until around August 2014. I discovered NoFap and my life changed. And here's why I'm confused. Hear me out. So when I started NoFap, my interest in gaming just died. I'd go months without touching my PS4 cause I felt like it was a waste of time and just had no interest. I became an avid reader, got an amazing job. and got out of the shithole I was working at. So in May last year, I sold my PS4 and all my games and other consoles and used the money to buy books. Never gave it a second thought. I read like crazy but in a good way haha got a job promotion in doing something I never thought I'd love. I'm a barista at a pretty well known coffee shop. So fast forward to April this year, I bought a PS4 because I missed playing games some with my online "friends" etc. So it came with black ops 3 and i bought a few others. So I'd play for a couple hours a day, then after a week of this I started feeling like shit again and going back to bad habits. Staying up too late, eating junk, and not very coordinated at work. So I got rid of it and thought that'd be it like last time when I sold my PS4. I was wrong. I started getting cravings for games, and felt like I was alone and had nothing going for me without the video games. And my moderation I tried didn't work very well. So I got another PS4 with the money I got back from my other thinking this time things will be different. Well, nope it wasn't. I felt bad, like I was wasting time. So I sold this Ps4 and changed my email and password to some gibberish I couldn't remember to my PSN account so I couldn't log into it. After that which was in June this year, I was fine and never gave it another thought. but here in the past 3 weeks I've been having cravings to play again and been trying everything under the sun to get my PSN account back but can't since I changed the sign in information to something I can't remember. It's all I can think about now. I stopped reading, meditating and other things I've been doing. I've been procrastinating like hell and become lazy. I keep rationalizing with myself about getting another console and that I'm not addicted but I know I am. It's confusing because when I first stopped watching porn, my interest in gaming just died. Literally. I went basically a full year without gaming and felt fine but when I bought it again back in April, it's like my addiction or something was fired back up again and yeah I went all summer without playing and most of the fall but now I feel completely lost and depressed without gaming. I feel like i NEED it. and that's not a good sign. Some feedback would be greatly appreciated. So this is the start of my journal and thought I'd get it all out. I'll be updating it every few days.

Edited November 28, 2016 by Wolfynesss

[Cam Adair]

Hey! Welcome to the forums and good job starting your journal. 

Without gaming, what have you been doing with your time otherwise?

[Simon E]

Good job coming here. That's the first step in breaking free. 

You've done it once, you can do it again!

[Wolfynesss]

Well where I work at, I'm a full time barista making coffee drinks everyday. I do this for 35-40 hours a week and love it! Defiantly something I never thought I'd be doing. I've made huge progress in my life in the past 2 years. No more social anxiety or depression. That only came back when I gamed.  When I'm off I try to mountain bike some but now since it's getting cold and snowy, I'm not sure what to do. I really wanna get back into reading and find some other hobbies as well. I hate the fact that I feel like I "need" gaming in order to be happy which I know in return makes me miserable. 

[Cam Adair]

I feel you. The need to game is just a representation of other needs in your life not being met right now. Identifying what those are will help you a lot in order to find the solution. Here is a list of activities you can do at home when you're tired/bored from the day. Picking a few of those can help a lot.

[Reno F]

Welcome, Wolfy!

Nice to have another coffee sommelier on the community!

The 'need' you're talking goes away eventually after you fill in the emptyness that gaming left when you stopped playing. And when I say fill in, I don't mean time wise.

[Ring]

Hi Wolfy, welcome to our community.

I recommend you to watch some of the Cam's Youtube video such as

What other activities should I do after I quit playing video games? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f98t6OVjsiE

What If You Find Other Activities To Be Boring? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4q649mZfr0

How to Get Motivated After You Quit Gaming https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IFAOiJDegE

They may give you some idea of your situation.

 

[Mad Pharmacist]

Greetings, from Mad Pharmacist!

I truly understand your problem. I mean, there is kind of connection for some people when they excessively game and watch porn. That can make you feel ashamed or even humiliated, but I'm glad that you have written about it in your entry. That's what real man do - instead of trying to hide his weaknesses he fights them back and crushes it.

So, NoFap could be for you kind of recovery. Now you should focus more on what it really is that brought you back to gaming couple of times before. It's the important question that Cameron asked you:

Without gaming, what have you been doing with your time otherwise?

As you answered:

Well where I work at, I'm a full time barista making coffee drinks everyday. I do this for 35-40 hours a week and love it! Defiantly something I never thought I'd be doing. I've made huge progress in my life in the past 2 years. No more social anxiety or depression. That only came back when I gamed.  When I'm off I try to mountain bike some but now since it's getting cold and snowy, I'm not sure what to do. I really wanna get back into reading and find some other hobbies as well. I hate the fact that I feel like I "need" gaming in order to be happy which I know in return makes me miserable. 

All right, so that's super awesome bro that you got dispose of anxiety and depression. That was also hard for me couple of years ago, but and did it. If anybody who is struggling with this is reading that post, then I can tell you: there are at least 2 people who did it (+1 including @Cam Adair), so can you.

Anyways, the need of gaming is something that means your endocrine system works really well.

You were playing a lot (since 5, so it's seriously most of your lifespan), so your brain got used to it. This motherfucker knows that whenever you play, it can release ton of dopamine, which can lead to the feeling of temporary happiness. But it's not a bed of roses. He wants to get even more and more of dopamine, and when he lacks of it, then he tells you a snitchy messages like "You NEED to play". Even if you say "It can make me miserable, motherfucker", he can still say "C'mon, just 5 mins, that will be only fun!"

Never trust him in this way, man! He'll make you happy just for a couple of seconds, and then it will be just unbearable pain.

Anyways, welcome to the journaling forum.

[Wolfynesss]

So now I'm about 4 weeks game free and feel pretty good. Todays my day off from work then back for the next 4 days. Should keep me busy. Today's a rainy day and cold so I've been doing some reading. Meditated this morning along with my daily affirmations. Still having little cravings but nothing I can't handle at the moment. I'll keep you updated. 

[Mad Pharmacist]

Can't wait to see your updates!

How long do you medidate during morning?

[Cam Adair]

Congrats on 4 weeks so far! If you can make it to 4 weeks, you can make it to 12!