So I've been a pretty big gamer most of my life. I started playing when I was 5. Didn't really get heavily into it until around 2007 when online gaming became a big thing. I played all the big online shooters. Halo, CoD, and others. I would play all hours of the night. I would go to work on only 3 hours of sleep or less. During my 1 hour lunch breaks, I'd go home and play games the entire time during my break. Also I was heavily addicted to porn too. I'd switch between porn and gaming during my gaming sessions. This lasted until around August 2014. I discovered NoFap and my life changed. And here's why I'm confused. Hear me out. So when I started NoFap, my interest in gaming just died. I'd go months without touching my PS4 cause I felt like it was a waste of time and just had no interest. I became an avid reader, got an amazing job. and got out of the shithole I was working at. So in May last year, I sold my PS4 and all my games and other consoles and used the money to buy books. Never gave it a second thought. I read like crazy but in a good way haha got a job promotion in doing something I never thought I'd love. I'm a barista at a pretty well known coffee shop. So fast forward to April this year, I bought a PS4 because I missed playing games some with my online "friends" etc. So it came with black ops 3 and i bought a few others. So I'd play for a couple hours a day, then after a week of this I started feeling like shit again and going back to bad habits. Staying up too late, eating junk, and not very coordinated at work. So I got rid of it and thought that'd be it like last time when I sold my PS4. I was wrong. I started getting cravings for games, and felt like I was alone and had nothing going for me without the video games. And my moderation I tried didn't work very well. So I got another PS4 with the money I got back from my other thinking this time things will be different. Well, nope it wasn't. I felt bad, like I was wasting time. So I sold this Ps4 and changed my email and password to some gibberish I couldn't remember to my PSN account so I couldn't log into it. After that which was in June this year, I was fine and never gave it another thought. but here in the past 3 weeks I've been having cravings to play again and been trying everything under the sun to get my PSN account back but can't since I changed the sign in information to something I can't remember. It's all I can think about now. I stopped reading, meditating and other things I've been doing. I've been procrastinating like hell and become lazy. I keep rationalizing with myself about getting another console and that I'm not addicted but I know I am. It's confusing because when I first stopped watching porn, my interest in gaming just died. Literally. I went basically a full year without gaming and felt fine but when I bought it again back in April, it's like my addiction or something was fired back up again and yeah I went all summer without playing and most of the fall but now I feel completely lost and depressed without gaming. I feel like i NEED it. and that's not a good sign. Some feedback would be greatly appreciated. So this is the start of my journal and thought I'd get it all out. I'll be updating it every few days.