Jay's Epic Journey

[AlexTheGrape]

Hi Jay, welcome back!

I'm really glad you've jumped on the wagon again, I've had my fair share of relapses so I know what it's like in your shoes. Despite my journal saying it is my third time trying to do the detox, it is actually about my 7th time quitting gaming; the difference is that I'm for real this time.

Although I set myself a schedule for doing a lot of my work, it is largely to do with prioritization so that I get the most important things done in case I run out of time. You may also find the following quote useful (Parkinson's Law), which is a foundation of my scheduling logic: "Work expands to fill the time available for it's completion". I often find that if I don't set time limits on what work I'm doing, the time I spend on the work stretches on and I don't get all that much done. On the other hand, when I set say 20 minutes to do a piece of work I need to do, I will have more motivation to do it on time.

I look forward to following your journey again!

[seriousjay]

Hi Jay, welcome back!

I'm really glad you've jumped on the wagon again, I've had my fair share of relapses so I know what it's like in your shoes. Despite my journal saying it is my third time trying to do the detox, it is actually about my 7th time quitting gaming; the difference is that I'm for real this time.

Although I set myself a schedule for doing a lot of my work, it is largely to do with prioritization so that I get the most important things done in case I run out of time. You may also find the following quote useful (Parkinson's Law), which is a foundation of my scheduling logic: "Work expands to fill the time available for it's completion". I often find that if I don't set time limits on what work I'm doing, the time I spend on the work stretches on and I don't get all that much done. On the other hand, when I set say 20 minutes to do a piece of work I need to do, I will have more motivation to do it on time.

I look forward to following your journey again!

Yeah that all makes sense and I can definitely see how scheduling can be very useful to some people.

For me.. I just don't have a whole hell of a lot I want to do with my team, so I'd be quite happy if it just expanded itself somehow. At least for now.

Right now it's go to work from 7:30 to 4, and then when I get home, it's "try to figure out what the hell to do with myself".

I'm looking into some creative things like writing, drawing, knitting, etc. Those types of things can very easily soak up a ton of time and can be quite enjoyable. Most importantly, they can be done from home with very few personal expenses. The problem I start running into (and a quite ironic one at that) is that I immediately start thinking "how is doing any of this actually useful?".. ironic because you can easily pose that same question to playing video games and the answer there is "it isn't".

[Cam Adair]

Hi Jay, welcome back!

I'm really glad you've jumped on the wagon again, I've had my fair share of relapses so I know what it's like in your shoes. Despite my journal saying it is my third time trying to do the detox, it is actually about my 7th time quitting gaming; the difference is that I'm for real this time.

Although I set myself a schedule for doing a lot of my work, it is largely to do with prioritization so that I get the most important things done in case I run out of time. You may also find the following quote useful (Parkinson's Law), which is a foundation of my scheduling logic: "Work expands to fill the time available for it's completion". I often find that if I don't set time limits on what work I'm doing, the time I spend on the work stretches on and I don't get all that much done. On the other hand, when I set say 20 minutes to do a piece of work I need to do, I will have more motivation to do it on time.

I look forward to following your journey again!

Yeah that all makes sense and I can definitely see how scheduling can be very useful to some people.

For me.. I just don't have a whole hell of a lot I want to do with my team, so I'd be quite happy if it just expanded itself somehow. At least for now.

Right now it's go to work from 7:30 to 4, and then when I get home, it's "try to figure out what the hell to do with myself".

I'm looking into some creative things like writing, drawing, knitting, etc. Those types of things can very easily soak up a ton of time and can be quite enjoyable. Most importantly, they can be done from home with very few personal expenses. The problem I start running into (and a quite ironic one at that) is that I immediately start thinking "how is doing any of this actually useful?".. ironic because you can easily pose that same question to playing video games and the answer there is "it isn't".

What goals do you have? If your activities lack a sense of purpose, identify a few goals you have and align your activities up with them.

[seriousjay]

Hi Jay, welcome back!

I'm really glad you've jumped on the wagon again, I've had my fair share of relapses so I know what it's like in your shoes. Despite my journal saying it is my third time trying to do the detox, it is actually about my 7th time quitting gaming; the difference is that I'm for real this time.

Although I set myself a schedule for doing a lot of my work, it is largely to do with prioritization so that I get the most important things done in case I run out of time. You may also find the following quote useful (Parkinson's Law), which is a foundation of my scheduling logic: "Work expands to fill the time available for it's completion". I often find that if I don't set time limits on what work I'm doing, the time I spend on the work stretches on and I don't get all that much done. On the other hand, when I set say 20 minutes to do a piece of work I need to do, I will have more motivation to do it on time.

I look forward to following your journey again!

Yeah that all makes sense and I can definitely see how scheduling can be very useful to some people.

For me.. I just don't have a whole hell of a lot I want to do with my team, so I'd be quite happy if it just expanded itself somehow. At least for now.

Right now it's go to work from 7:30 to 4, and then when I get home, it's "try to figure out what the hell to do with myself".

I'm looking into some creative things like writing, drawing, knitting, etc. Those types of things can very easily soak up a ton of time and can be quite enjoyable. Most importantly, they can be done from home with very few personal expenses. The problem I start running into (and a quite ironic one at that) is that I immediately start thinking "how is doing any of this actually useful?".. ironic because you can easily pose that same question to playing video games and the answer there is "it isn't".

What goals do you have? If your activities lack a sense of purpose, identify a few goals you have and align your activities up with them.

Huh.. somehow I missed this post.

I mentioned what I want to do in the short term here:

- Going on those hikes again. I did enjoy those, I just won't do them as often as I did last time. Once a week should be good enough, for now.
- Renewing my gym membership and committing to going at least once a week. My doctor told me it would be good for me because of my back so it makes sense.
- Thinking about working 7 days a week for the foreseeable future just to keep myself occupied. The work isn't too difficult and at least I'll get paid for it.
- In the medium term, looking for a place to live either on my own or with my brother. It'll make things more expensive of course but I think the change of scenery will do a lot of good for me. Still undecided on this one for now but I strongly believe it would be a positive step if I did it.

I suppose if I had to attach goals to it, one would be getting my lifestyle back to where it needs to be in terms of nutrition and physical activity.

Other than that, I don't really have anything right now. I mentioned I wanted to go back to school. I talked to my dad about it and he questioned whether I wanted to go back for the sake of my future, or to simply escape from my day-to-day life. It was a very good question and I don't have an answer. It's pointless to go to school for the wrong reasons.

[Cam Adair]

So what you want to do is think more about why each goal is important to you, and then it's good to create S.M.A.R.T goals.

Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.

An example is instead of just "go to the gym 1x/week" it's something like, I want to lose 10 pounds by June 15th, and I will do that by going to the gym 1x/week, eating healthy and tracking my weight each week.

And then you write down why it's important to you. So for this one maybe it's for overall health, or to feel more confident when you look in the mirror, or to have a six pack when you go to the beach, or to look better in your clothes, etc.

Understanding both the specific goal and the why behind it make a huge difference.

[seriousjay]

So what you want to do is think more about why each goal is important to you, and then it's good to create S.M.A.R.T goals.

Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.

An example is instead of just "go to the gym 1x/week" it's something like, I want to lose 10 pounds by June 15th, and I will do that by going to the gym 1x/week, eating healthy and tracking my weight each week.

And then you write down why it's important to you. So for this one maybe it's for overall health, or to feel more confident when you look in the mirror, or to have a six pack when you go to the beach, or to look better in your clothes, etc.

Understanding both the specific goal and the why behind it make a huge difference.

Hmm.. might be worth it to take Friday (a holiday) off to try to get jump started on this. I absolutely agree with everything you said.

[seriousjay]

Wow apparently we're already at day 5. Interesting.

I deleted my Facebook account. I decided I don't really use it for much of anything except mindlessly browsing and chatting to a few people.

[Cam Adair]

Day 5 woop!

[seriousjay]

Day 5 woop!

I ended up watching a lot of video gaming streams yesterday out of boredom, but whatever. Today's a new day!

I started a bucket list today and started reading this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man's_Search_for_Meaning

[Cam Adair]

Bucket list + that book are good steps! That book is one of my favorites.

[seriousjay]

Day 7

Welp, we got to one week! Sort of.. maybe 6.2 days. Whatever!

Today I am going to work around noon or so. Afterwards I plan to continue going through Respawn. I started it last night, continued this morning and I got to chapter 2 so far.

I think the main emotion I am feeling is pre-regret, if that's a thing. Mainly due to not having finished one game and not having tried out a new mode in another game. I think the important thing to remember here is that there will always be another game. It doesn't really matter how "done" with it you are after you finish a certain objective you have set out for yourself. If you haven't truly made the commitment to quit, you will invariably always find something else to get emotionally attached to, and then you'll feel the same way about that one if you then make the commitment to quit. At some point, it has to end. Gaming is a vicious cycle and if you really want to move on, at some point you just have to tell yourself I'm done and actually move on. I know, because on at least 2 separate occasions I thought I had played my last game, and then found something else to get addicted to. Don't fall into that trap.

One thing I know I need to work on, and something that has plagued me in the past, is actually finishing crap even if my interest in it starts to fade. I finished chapter one of Respawn and already telling myself "OK great what's next?"

STOP!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Commit to something and finish it. Stop getting ahead of yourself. I always fall into the trap of getting an idea and then visualizing how things will play out.

I think I need to restart my meditation as soon as possible. It did wonders in helping me to be more mindful and patient, and living in the moment instead of dreaming about what's next.

Bucket list + that book are good steps! That book is one of my favorites.

I LOVE the idea of bucket lists. I just started putting crazy stuff on it that I never thought I'd do, like exploring a cave. For one, it challenges you to dream beyond your comfort zone. And two, I've read the idea that physically setting a goal out for yourself (as in, writing it out and repeating it to yourself, constantly reminding yourself) begins the process of rewiring your brain for the purpose of achieving that goal. You start to see opportunities that you may have missed before in pursuit of that goal. I don't know if there is anything to that, but it's worth a shot.

My bucket list is currently quite small (check out this blog to get an idea how crazy they can get!), but I expect I'll be adding to it as I expand my horizons.

On another note, just going through the last few games that I own that I didn't throw out the first time (mainly because I didn't realize they were still there), I'm just getting absolutely blasted with nostalgia. Even years later. It's crazy how attached we get to these abominations.

Edited March 27, 2016 by jaylajkosz

[Cam Adair]

You're doing great bro, keep going.

[seriousjay]

You're doing great bro, keep going.

Thanks!

I'm a little hung up on chapter 4 of Respawn.. hehe. Specifically, choosing mentally engaging activities. I still find just about everything else pretty boring and uninteresting, so I suppose it'll just come down to forcing myself to try new things and see what I end up enjoying.

[Cam Adair]

You're doing great bro, keep going.

Thanks!

I'm a little hung up on chapter 4 of Respawn.. hehe. Specifically, choosing mentally engaging activities. I still find just about everything else pretty boring and uninteresting, so I suppose it'll just come down to forcing myself to try new things and see what I end up enjoying.

You become interested in things by engaging in them. Very few things are "interesting" from the start.

[seriousjay]

You're doing great bro, keep going.

Thanks!

I'm a little hung up on chapter 4 of Respawn.. hehe. Specifically, choosing mentally engaging activities. I still find just about everything else pretty boring and uninteresting, so I suppose it'll just come down to forcing myself to try new things and see what I end up enjoying.

You become interested in things by engaging in them. Very few things are "interesting" from the start.

So true. I'm hardly in any place to comment on how interesting specific activities are, anyways, considering maybe 95% of my life thus far has been spent inside a video game in some way, shape or form. Even at school I hardly paid attention because my mind was always thinking about video games. I haven't interacted enough with anything else to make that judgment at this time.

[seriousjay]

This is Day 8, yes?

Today wasn't that great. My aunt and I had a bit of a misunderstanding in the morning, and she's one of those people who always thinks she's right, especially with me, so I had no chance to clear things up. I know things are this way because of my attitude in the past so there's not much I can do about it except just prove to her I'm different than before. Still.. not a great start.

I caught myself at one point hoping that I would pass out or something so I could just not have to work. It didn't take long for me to realize that's just stupid. At least I turned it around quickly, before it might have festered for the whole day or even several days or longer.

And then at the end of the day, my cousin (who also happens to be the manager at my workplace) talked to me in a way I didn't really agree with. I didn't say anything at the time but I contemplated bringing it up at some point.

My accountability partner suggested to me to go for a walk if I wasn't feeling particularly great, so I did that when I got home. I feel a little better and ended up deciding I'm not going to say anything to my aunt or cousin. Just keep pushing on. It's not really worth it anyways - this job isn't going to be a long term thing for me, just a means to an end. Not worth causing drama over something admittedly minor.

Anyways, glad to be home. I'll take a bit of time to relax then get back into working through Respawn!

[AlexTheGrape]

I'm glad walking helped brighten your mood, sounds like your accountability partner gave you some good advice

Most people (including myself) only believe somebody is 'for real' with making a big change when they act on it, so don't beat yourself up about how those people treated you. When you start brightening up and moving forward in life, they'll rethink how they approach you

Keep it up man you're doing great!

[seriousjay]

I'm glad walking helped brighten your mood, sounds like your accountability partner gave you some good advice

Most people (including myself) only believe somebody is 'for real' with making a big change when they act on it, so don't beat yourself up about how those people treated you. When you start brightening up and moving forward in life, they'll rethink how they approach you

Keep it up man you're doing great!

Yeah for sure, it's hard to take someone seriously when they say one thing and then don't do it.

I have to remember that these people are acting this way towards me because they have a certain type of history with me, and it is often very, very difficult to change the way people think about you, especially family members. Like you said, just have to keep going and show them I'm a different person.

[seriousjay]

Relapse Day 1

I already posted in the relapse thread, so this will be brief. The post is here: http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/1509-relapse-again/

I haven't quite fleshed out the plan. Once I do, I'll post it here.

[AlexTheGrape]

Make sure to keep us posted on how or if you're achieving your goals!  I'm interested to know what your plan is, let us know ASAP so we can keep you accountable. Best of luck for figuring out what is right for you.

[seriousjay]

Relapse, Day 2

When I woke up today, I felt a sense of calm about my decision to try to game in moderation. I am at peace with my decision. I am not sure if this is good or bad, it's just how I felt, and still feel.

That being said, what happened last night cannot happen again. I ended up gaming until 2:00 AM, couldn't fall asleep, gamed for another hour and finally fell asleep around 4:00 AM. This absolutely cannot happen again and if it does, I am going to need to seriously reconsider this course of action. One of my objectives is to be in bed by 10:30 PM, at the latest, and this is something I've been very good about for the past few weeks. Due to my work schedule, and just how I feel about it in general, this must continue.

Now, my plan. Two main objectives that must be achieved daily going forward are meditating twice a day for at least 10 minutes each, and reading at least 10 pages out of a useful book. I will start with Man's Search for Meaning. The reason I want to begin meditating again is due to the numerous health benefits, and more importantly, I felt it was very beneficial when I was doing it before in fostering patience, as well as an awareness of the thoughts going through my mind, particularly negative or not useful ones, and catching them before they get out of control. The reason for reading is mainly due to this advice being in The Slight Edge. It certainly makes sense in that reading personal development books will start the process of rewiring your brain for success, so that's what I'm going for.

Two weekly objectives, one starting now, will be going on a hike at least once a week, and going to the gym at least once a week. The reason for both is simply to keep healthy, and with the hikes, to try to expand my social circle. It actually worked quite well when I was doing them before, so I definitely want to start that up again.

One thing I know for sure I want to do is not allow myself to game until my daily objectives are met. These objectives will likely expand with time, but I don't want to overwhelm myself again like last time.

I'm not sure how I will keep myself accountable for the two weekly objectives, and I am happy to take suggestions on that.

Additionally, my accountability partner wanted me to do some visualizations every day before our next chat, although I'm going to need some clarification from him on that. He also wanted me to get in touch with a friend I made last time and see if she can help me out with this stuff. Hopefully I can do that. Lastly, I am to write in my journal daily.

Some additional ideas to integrate going forward:

- Watch each of Cam's GQ videos, one per day, and brainstorm how I can apply the concepts into my plan. This won't always be possible, but it is definitely something I feel might be quite useful.

- Additionally, I have a crapton of personal development web blogs bookmarked, so like the above, I think it would be very useful to go through one per day and brainstorm how I can apply the concepts to my plan.

Both of these aren't currently part of my objectives, as again, I don't want to overload myself, but they will eventually be integrated.

[seriousjay]

Just to be clear, the overarching goal here is to see if I can game in moderation and slowly ween gaming out of my life. The idea being that as long as I can achieve my daily objectives, I am making forward progress with my life. However, I want to be very intentional with how I go about this. It cannot be something that is just a "gate" to the gaming. It must be done for the right reasons. If I start to catch myself rushing these things or starting to feel like they're just in the way, I will let you guys know and re-evaluate what I'm doing.

[seriousjay]

Relapse, Day 3

The day started off on the wrong foot. I ended up waking up at 6 AM, turning my alarm clock off, and immediately falling back to sleep. I didn't get up again until almost 7:00 AM. I just couldn't find the time to do my morning meditation, which means I will not be gaming tonight.

Work went pretty well. Not much to say about it.

When I got home, I did my afternoon meditation and I just finished my reading of Man's Search for Meaning. I found it really difficult to focus on both my meditation and reading. However, I'm not going to make any conclusions about that at this point. If this happens consistently, I'm going to try to figure out why.

[Cam Adair]

Keep going with both of those. If it's challenging that is ok, it means you are growing stronger by persevering.

[WorkInProgress]

Thank you for keeping your journal up even if you gaem in moderation now. It is really interesting too see how it goes for you. Sadly moderation won't work for me. Gaming jsut deletes all awareness out of my mind. As i tried to watch gaming video's kind of regulary to train myself for moderation. I ended up watching things for over 4 hours aday and if i didn't stop it it, it would slowly expanded further. With gaming this process goes way faster.

Doesn't mean in anyway this won't work for you though. Reading and Meditationa are two things wich helped a lot to get the right mindset. It is kind of exciting to learn how you get better at living. At implementing this thing consistency is the key.

Greetings thanks for the interesting study distraction