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Tommorow Man! Let Dreams Become My New Reality. ~Journey


JustBeingReal
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They say... that anyone in a new situation, to which they're unfamiliar, will be struck by tunnelvision, crippling their ability to think, and adequately evaluating the options which are available to them. 

 

Day 1

As I ponder over this small piece of wisdom (and over the question if I will ever want to use the quote function again after it has cost me more then 5 minutes to get 1 line of text in there, which ironically confirms the statement contained within the quote, which is stating the inability to think or act straight in new circumstances,.. ok getting off-point)... I can't help but wonder how I will be seduced and how I, -not now- but in a future state of mind, might be under the spell of tunnelvision and unable to rationally weigh out my options and choose for the path of safety, or even more extreme, the only path of security and stability to which my body is accustomed. It is indeed in times like these, when I am not yet overtaken by raging emotions that rule over me like a storm... these emotions i describe with rage, however the most convincing moments for me to game are rarely those stimulated from anger. Rather it's opposite, sadness or emptiness. A sense of needing to fill a void, a crippling sense that nothing will ever be okay and that I somehow was born into the wrong universe. Now, as I am writing this, I feel I have very accurately and without purposefully wanting to do so, laid out the circumstances which lead up to my demise. However! I stand strong and firm in my knowledge of the things and facts as they are now, this gives me time and lee-way to think of a stragety to counteract current problems, bandaid solutions as they call them, a short-term fix to a long-term root problem. If I would have to wager a guess, it's either social acceptance (by a group of peers) that causes my heart to bleed out into a emptiness or the structure of the enviroment gaming brings to me, a known enviroment which holds no secrets for me, and I can enjoy  won't hurt me. 

Not much more do i have to say for today, this post is actually merely my ´celebration´ for the official 1st day of detox (yesterday I had played a couple of hours in the morning before I decided to vow myself to a life clean of destructive habbits. I even ate some cheesecake to officialy congratulate myself on (seriously) commiting to becoming a better man, a tommorow man. Because right now I am, already more of a tommorow man, then two days ago me, could ever be.

 

Peace, love, respect unity to all, hopefully we can alle have some cheesecake some day togheter and celebrate some real milestones, 90 days, 90 years who knows.

Good night (or moning) all!

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Hi and welcome to the forum,

I read your introduction and I can relate to many things. I got also out of the LoL trap around a year before I quit for good. I also wasted a lot of time and some money with hearthstone.

One thing you have to look at right now, is how to fulfil the needs in real life you tried to fulfil in games. Meeting groups in areas of your interest(i.e. yoga /cardio/drawing) is a good way to get some real life appreciation. In the start I would focus on max. 1-3 new things you really double down in. Try to do some stuff daily for 2-4 weeks and you'll soon created some new positive habits, which won't take much willpower to sustain.  Better focus on fewer things and try to be really consistent on these for a few weeks. Hear a few videos from Cam to this subject which could help you with this (need of accomplishment consistency goal setting).

The first one or two weeks it is normal to be pretty emotional. This is to expected to be that way because you are in front of a big change. If you scared that you will later one loose your willpower now is the time to set the barriers high and make things as hard as possible to get back to your games . If you haven't done it yet I would advice you to delete your search history of all mentions of hearthstone. Also delete your youtube history. These things trigger you faster as you think. Third if you use firefox try leechblock to block all sites which mention hearthstone. I showed here an example how you do it(http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/1542-howto-blocking-websites-with-keywordson-firefox/). There are similar add ons for other browsers.

If you want to start some exercise and have around a hour at two/three days/week I can recommend this routine . There are some good videos to explain the exercises and good progressions for beginners. I follow this routine for a few months now and really like it. On the other days of the week I go running. This was is the most rewarding habit I built so far. It Made me more active, overall productive and just gives me a better mood. Also people start noticing the improvement of my body.

PS: Sorry for all that text. Got carried away a little ;). If you take what sounds helpful and if you ignore the rest there will be no hard feelings :D.

If you have any questions feel free to ask. We are all here to support you!

best regards

Mario

 

Edited by WorkInProgress
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Day 2

It is better to turn around half-way, then to keep going and be lost completely -Dutch provherb.

Woke up later then I wanted to today, wanted to try the 5'o clock waking up thing, turns out just waking up, is half of the challenge, next time I am going to place my alarm clock further away from myself, or atleast out of arm's reach, also having a clear task to do when you wake up is going to help me, such as cooking food or going out runnig. So I woke up later then I wanted to.... missed an appointment because I apperently had noted the time it was on wrongly, luckily I was still able to get an appointment. However the day began with me feeling like everything had failed miserably.. again had the urge to game when I saw my mother's laptop, which I used to play HS on, currently I am on a chromebook OS, which can't even play any .exe files, so (luckily) that bars me from the temptation to play it, because I cannot. However not playing, is still not enough. I need to start actively pursueing things I like and want to do, there are a lot of books I want to read, and a lot of things I wanna spend time and money on. Such as buying a whiteboard, to hold score which of my habits I am purseing and how I am doing in them, so far. I have tried to pin notes to the fridge and it does help, but the glue in the ducttape makes for very nasty marks on the fridge and... the fridge tends to get full of notes kind of quickly, making it hard to see the writing on the notes, through the sheer amount of paper.

I just rollerbladed for the first time in my life, pretty legitimately fun. But harder work then I had imagined, and scarier too... even had a broom with me just incase I couldn't stand up straight. But considering how much I wanted to do it and the amount of labor I put into first hand-crafting protection then later buying it anyway because it's very cheap in 2nd hand stores, and having waited for over a month before trying it.. it was pretty rewarding (part of the reason I didn't do it was because the computer offered more instant-gratification/was easier to access.

Oh yeah tried to meditate in the morning, however I failed miserably, after thinking about it, I thought of how I wasn't able to sit in the special pose with you legs crossed, (I am not flexible in one of my legs) which would lead me to hurting myself because of the inflexibility, on top of the pain I already had due to a skin allergy. Also the idea of closing your eyes, without a reason feels weird to me, like chewing with your teeth, without having food(/substance) in your mouth. 

Going to make a cheesecake with cherry/banana, i'll let you know how it tastes. Baking is like one of the things I am able to enjoy, the sugar is something I spend effort on getting because you have to make the cake and wait for it to be eaten, which is why I think it's less of an issue. Because my only problem with sugar is the instant-gratification, and other side effects, which are still limited to the necessity of needing to bake/cool it first. Anyway it's weird hobby's which I find worthy of pursueing in this new life I am building. I just wish, like with all the things I like/want to change about myself, that it would go faster/would be easy. But yeah.. if I don't believe in these kind of ´get-perfect quick scheme's ´ I feel a bit demotivated, like a beginner looks at the kalimanjaro, when he can't even climb a 1 kilometer mountain.

@WorkInProgress

Long posts are something which I also succumb to doing, the group activities are something which I think would be of great value to me, I already ´go´ well not last 2 weeks, to a free Tai'Chi session every sunday. which is a great way to do a challenging physical activity. Other things like drawing would be very stimulating as well, but I haven't gotten around to looking around for to join such a club. As for bariers, I stored my PC in a side-room, now I just use my laptop, google chrome which doesn't support games so it's kind of high barrier. 

About the goal setting, I am going to watch the video's and hope I can gain even more info/knowledge about the subject, and hope I can intigrate all the desires and dreams togheter with the curiousness for the unknown. Firmly supported by a community of like minded people and knowledge which has been subjected to rigorious real life experimentation.

10 things which I am happy for:

1. That I found out this cool giving thanks ritual in Joe's journal

2. Finding this site

3. The nice weather outside

4. The understandingness of people when you are having a bad day

5. The experiencing of rollerblading, which is new and untested (though I did do it when i was young, but got a little traumatized, all the more reason this was a great experience)

6. That I have committed myself to not gaming, and won't do it even when presented with the opportunity

7. The birds making a beautifull chirping noise.

8. My ability to forgive myself for the mistake of starting gaming in the first place, which is slowly taking place.

9. To recognize that I have a lot to work on, and am still in between identity's.

10. The support which this site gives me, and the strength and courage which I draw from that.

Thanks for reading, and thanks Cam Adair for allowing me to use your web site as an out-reach, open-ended blog kind of thing.

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Are you able to go to bed early and sleep? Think that is the most important point if you want to wake up early(waking up later  is better then loosing sleep. because missing sleep is poison for willpower).

Try headspace for  meditation. They have a free 10day program with 10min guided meditations. Helps a lot to get into it. And you can just restart the 10day challenge after that if you want. You can sit on a chair too for the start. Lying doesn't work tho(out of obvious reasons).

Good job on all the experimentation. You are doing the right things!

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Sometimes a wise lesson, costs money. That's life -can't remember, who wrote it.

Day 3 

It's weird, how I had a similiar experience to Cam, when I moved to Malaga because i had a ´dream´ to teach English, i was there for 4 weeks, and followed an intensive English teaching course, and even though the course was hard, and I made it, I still wasn't happy, -maybe just the first two days-. And still wasn't planning my life in a way that made me feel valued by myself or others. So I caved under the mission of finding a job and getting used to the country and thought the pressure was just too much for me, which is probably still an accurate statement. Though now over 6 months later..I think I can add some more important depth to it. I was escaping who I was when I went to Malaga, not so much to pursue a dream or a passion, more to find that once I was there, magically I would be an entirely different person who was not even a shred of the bad/older version I used to be. It doesn't need to come as a surprise, that this wasn't true. However it has build some fundamental changes in how I percieve fun and the amount of responsibility you have to yourself, when it comes to spending your time, walking around the city gave me immense joy, even though I didn't gain any levels, more dps or more ´happiness/succes factors´ through it. Merely seeing the most poverty ridden parts of the city, filled me with immense perspective and insight and curiousity. But this is all still didn't fix my actual reason for gaming. Because during this month I had no gaming possibilities due to not having a PC. So I didn't game.. but it didn't automatically make me the better man, the person I wanted to be. Naive it may have been, I can't say I can be held accountable, only in hind-sight I am able to percieve this more clearly.

So yeah, just sharing a story, to make me feel more relieved, and to make my story more complete. There won't be much clear structure in my posts, I like to write where the wind takes me, or my pen, or.. my keyboard even more specifically. The course cost me a lot of money, which is why it relates to the quote (me=my mother)

Had a prophetic dream today... I was in a game, and I wasn't able to win against my opponent because I didn't know how the game worked and the course (it was a bicycle race game) had special ´grids´ which amplify speed, which I wasn't using correctly to outspeed my opponent, anyway after a while I got used to the tricks too, and I was on top of the mountain before him. Then... I waited for my opponent behind a corner, and threw him off the mountain.

With my history, this corresponds amazingly well, with how my life went before.

Admit weakness, improve weakness, then doing anything I can to keep others weak or even destroy them.

I was seriously tired at 06:00, i slept at 22:00 to 23:00, woke up, for 15 minutes to brush my teeth, then went to sleep to 06:00, then.. 08:00.. to 10:45.. I feel ashamed, but I keep telling myself that I can't be, because I choose to keep sleeping...anyway.. at 06:00 I straight stayed awake for 30 minutes lying in my bed thinking about that dream and the signifance it holds for me.. I also remember how my laptop was flooded or drowned by water.. including my phone.. and I remember I had a special feeling about it when it happend, though i can't remember what.

The cherry/banana cheesecake wasn't a great success, the bananas also factor into this, they weren't ripe enough yet. So they kind of tasted ´green´ if that makes sense. Did give me an excellent idea though, cheesecakes (atleast mine) are cooled in the fridge, which gives them a jello like substance and are nutrius and very fast to eat and take along with you. My idea is this.. I can combine all the carbohydrates, proteins and fats I need for an entire meal into one piece of cheesecake. Which I could eat in 30 seconds or less and make for an entire week. Just need to think of what I wanna put in it to maximize taste vs nutrition. It does look like I'm turning this into a food blog a little, :P I can't help it, I love food, I love the importance of food, and the endless abundance of knowledge which there is to know about it.

Thinking of further developing my audiobook for the book Models by Mark Manson, it is an activity i thoroughly enjoy, though only when I am doing it. Before I do it, I feel like it won't be fun or good, or usefull. But after I do, do it, it feels very rewarding this is kind of weird i guess.
My explanation is derived from the fact, that my brain doesn't enjoy it, but I do. I don't know, atleast it keeps me busy and the book is very usefull, and my aim is to make all books I find usefull into an audiobook, dubbed by the man I find most sexy in the entire world, namely, myself :D

Big news aswell, from the SuperSaiyan Journal I learned the importance of making good rosters and check lists to see how you are doing, so I made my own, in a model which replicates his version of a roster. Even included porn as a tribute to him, because after reading his blog, I am more on my toe's when I even consider pornography.  I can't check off that I woke up on time, but I can check off making up my bed, and writing a journal entry. I guess I am still too keen on making giant leaps of progress, instead of small bits of change. Because with my current check list I notice I am not even achieving most of the things I wanna do.. which leaves me feeling upset, which makes me feel like self-critizing myself... which will eventually lead to numbness which.. makes me go into ´i don't care mode´ i will game. So, I have to plan my day more carefully, and recognize that it is not easy to do everything you have set out to do, I did go to a party as well today which gives some explanation as to why the day isn't filled with the things I set out to do, but in a sense this is of course a rationlization for my failure to complete my list.. If I had waken-up, I could have completed my entire list of audiobooking, meditating, training, even cardio-ing from 06:00 to 09:00, the time I was sleeping..

So end conclusion, more exercising, less sleeping or (just 8 hours), more planning, hour to hour or activity to activity, immediately eating breakfast when waking up and taking a cold shower, followed by making up the bed and meditating. If I can pow-wow this morning routine tommorow, I will feel like I achieved step 1 of breaking down my old habits of sleeping out till way too late, and not doing much with my day.

Blog entry, over and out.

EDIT:

10 things I am gratefull for:

1. Alcohol, and the extreme moderation I am able to apply to my consumption of it

2. Dreams, and how they can make you scared to death, but also signal the response you would have, if the dream would become reality.

3. Being able to make cherry/banana cheesecake, and knowing I will never pursue this combination again

4. Knowing I am on the road to healing, and knowing each day brings me closer to a new me.

5. Continuous effort into this journal, to comprehend how each and every day is different and can be fun and productive without gaming

6. Trying to make dumbbells out of bricks to save money.

7. Cold showers and the positive effects it has on my skin and will power.

8. My plants in the garden, which have grown huuuuuge, so huge I might need to put them in a new space for them to grow and not compete for space with eachother.

9. Some amazing green tea with citrus

10. Having hobbies outside of gaming, which gives me stuff to talk about with people at parties.

Edited by JustBeingReal
forgot to add 10 reasons which I am gratefull for,
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It will just need some time to adjust yourself. Keep trying and the successful days will come. In some way is everyday you don't game a success!  If you want to read a helpful book for the right attitude and about the small victories everyday lead to success, I would highly recommend reading "The Slight Edge".

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No man is so rich, that he can go without love, and no man is so poor, that he cannot give love. -Don't know who wrote it

Today has filled me with little love towards myself... which left me leaving feeling kind of down.. I did have a sporadic temptation to game, upon seeing my mother's mac.. and boredom being my state of mind. But I knew... I did not want to go back to having that as my go-to fix for boredom. So I read about how to store wine.. kind of random, but still rewired my focus so that my boredom wasn't primary on my brain's to do list. But I did recieve a lot of love from others, my mother and co-workers were having a lot of fun, and that made me a little happy inside too. All in all, a very bad day with a silver lining. Because all my ´check list´ things, well yeah I am not going to talk about that right now.. too much self-shaming myself today for the absence of perfect discipline in following my dreams/desires/plans..

Just for a nice touch, i'll slowly be adding my entire collection of quotes which are to me.. a special trophy, that I harvested from reading books or columns, which caught my eye to be extremely valueable. Whetever they are, or not. I wish to share them in this journal, to eternalize them, on the internet.

Guess this is day 4.. almost didn't journal, but this guy kad gave me some inspiration.

10 things which i am gratefull for:

1. Love

2. Epic quotes

3. Keyboard writing speed

4. Letters on the internet being coordinated and easy to read, (unlike my handwriting)

5. Kad (Cause he inspired me to play piano tommorow and to write this post)

6. Tears, to remind us how our heart has endured pain

7. Internet, because anonimity makes sharing easier

8. The English language, for allowing a semi-universal way of communicating with one another

9. Pain, for the absence of pain doesn't make us cherish how much painless moments are worth

10. Nerves, the ability to feel not only protects us, but also brings people and animals, and all living things closer togheter.

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An ocean doesn't have memories - Terminally-ill cancer patient.

Wherever we are, in whatever time we live. We probably share certain aspects of ourselfs, with people in our current time, as well as those outside our own time. Addiction is as old as it is devastating for the life's of the people who live it and the people around them. I guess my addiction and running away from my problems have caught up to me, now it's time to face the music. Luckily I am taking it kind of positive, I will make all the little steps that inspire a genuine change, and only once they are ingrained in my life. Will I start new one's, for now... i'm putting off meditation and skeelering and learning a new language. To focus on reading and learning the piano. While still maintaining good sleeping rhythm and goal management (expectations), If I can read notes on the music sheets and can recognize the ABCDEFG, in the next month or two, I will be happy with the progress I have made, I have made it my goal to play 30 minutes per day, and I'm already thinking off pasting the letters to the actual keys :D As for reading, If I can get 10 pages per day done, and record them into audio, that will suffice. For sleeping going for 07:00, as for gaming.. right now im watching a tv-show called erased which is why I am having no difficulty with fighting boredom or game cravings.. but usually if I don't have this distraction, i feel inhibited to pursue any of my new set-out activities.. which leads me to questioning my ambition to realize a new born personality.. but yeah i'll struggle with this on a inner level for a while i supposed..

Day 5.

10 things I am gratefull for?

1. That I have a life time of time to realize who I want to be.

2. Green tea with lemon

3. Clean houses

4. Good habbits

5. The ability to forgive oneself.

6. Pain, it forces one to make decisions to get to pleasure

7. The internet, it has so much information which is easy to locate, that you don't have to go out of your way to get information.

8. Advise from other people

9. Walking bare-feet, and not caring what others think or say.

10. Having a great personality. (self-flattery I know *roll eyes*, but it's one of the things I am gratefull for :D)

Alright, succeeded in doing a journal entry. (one of my goals per day)

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@Kad @Cam Adair

I appreciate the support, also the quotes give me some extra depth and structure to the post, the quotes give a form to which I can sculpt the content of my journey

Looking back on our past, is only usefull when we learn something from it, else it is a waste of time.

Yesterday, i got fired.. I guess I will have to find a new job, the job definitely gave me some distraction, and the challenge in the job was a welcome experience too, anyhow.. I learned a lot none the less and got some decent/good money from it. In my past, I have not worked a lot, was mostly busy gaming. Which not only gave me little to talk about with others, it also made it hard for me to identify with them. Now that I have worked for four weeks, which is a record for me, I feel a bit wiser.. I have also begun to let go of the fact that people have standards for what a 23 year old should be able to do/have accomplished. Anyway, looking back.. I am now from unconciously incompetent, to conciously incompetent. Leveled up, at the very least I would say. Made a lot of mistakes, learned from the most awfull one's, got a couple of nice additions to the memory palace. Money is merely the trophy in the closet, and also opens doors to books I might want to purchase. Along with gym equipment, I have desired these objects for a long time, and as the provherb in my country goes, the desire has ripened. Even thinking of buying any of the objects brings me to near ecstaticness, I guess what they said in the TEDx talks video is true, the promise of happiness delivers waay more ´happiness/excitement´ then the actual delivery of that promise.

Anyway... nearly had a relapse, was feeling super low after being let go and being in angonizing pain.. (my feet have open wounds) and what I used to distract myself with in times of such pain was.. gaming. However im still on my chromebook, and having that PC not connected and locked away in a side room, saved me from playing HS, instead I have started reading ´shame´ by bradsaw, it shows promise to be a great book, I learned about it through SuperSaiyan's blog. 

After the stronge urge, I feel stronger having faced this trial/ordeal, I know many days and maybe even trials are yet to come, but I will take them one by one, as they come, as they will go. Forever the struggle won't be, but as one of my ´old´ favourite artists says:

´The first cut is the deepest´ - Cat Stevens.

Things I am gratefull for: 

1. Resillence in times of stress and pain.

2. Coffee in times of stress and pain

3. A cool website to blog/journal on in times of stress and pain

4. The peace of mind to wait out unbearable amounts of pain

5. The simple mantra of, take it easy and keeping breathing calmly.

6. Bandages, to give my poor feet the recovery possibility inside a warm/safe caccoon of protection.

7. Lamps, and to an extend electricity, for allowing me to have light in the middle of the night.

8. Calmth after the storm

9. Not being fuzzy about re-arranging priorities, if necessary to accomodate my limitations/reality.

10. A relatively clean house, which clears my head enough to think peacefully.

Alright momentum may is nearly finished and my momentum is nearly 6 days, I hope it'll be enough, my first real hardship has just passed, I feel alive and my decision to journal, has greatly improved the quality of life already, the feedback and insights (not to overstress, support) have given me great value.

Thank you so much!!!!!!

 

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I'm sorry you are having some rough times at the moment.  Great job on trying to find the positives and moving forward.  One of my favorite quotes during tough times and someone uses it on their tag.  I have it on the fridge. "If you are going through hell, keep going." by Winston Churchill.

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Hey Joe, we're here with you during these times man. Be kind to yourself and know you are doing your best in unchartered territory. You will grow from the experience, whatever it happens to be, so just continue to trust your heart and your instincts.

I found this in Joe's journal during a difficult time and thought of you.  I hope Cam's words bring you strength and comfort.

Peace

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Hey Joe, we're here with you during these times man. Be kind to yourself and know you are doing your best in unchartered territory. You will grow from the experience, whatever it happens to be, so just continue to trust your heart and your instincts.

I found this in Joe's journal during a difficult time and thought of you.  I hope Cam's words bring you strength and comfort.

Peace

You're very kind for wanting to ease my burden, I appreciate it =]

I also bought some pain meds, so atleast i'll be able to sleep tonight.

I like the churchill quote, but it doesn't ease the pain unfortunately for me :D

Healing of the body is a lot like, the healing of the soul, it is a slow proces, where layers and bits of skin get added until enough layers are formed that it sticks and makes up for complete skin. Scars might be left, but the wound no longer goes open, with the slightest touch or graze. But if you interrupt the healing proces you will be back at the start, and that includes a ton of pain. Anyway, before I start rambling in this post, thanks for the thought, and the consideration Kad, you're true supportee.

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Hey Joe, we're here with you during these times man. Be kind to yourself and know you are doing your best in unchartered territory. You will grow from the experience, whatever it happens to be, so just continue to trust your heart and your instincts.

I found this in Joe's journal during a difficult time and thought of you.  I hope Cam's words bring you strength and comfort.

Peace

Joe's journal is SO good. Must read for everyone. 

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Hey Joe, we're here with you during these times man. Be kind to yourself and know you are doing your best in unchartered territory. You will grow from the experience, whatever it happens to be, so just continue to trust your heart and your instincts.

I found this in Joe's journal during a difficult time and thought of you.  I hope Cam's words bring you strength and comfort.

Peace

Joe's journal is SO good. Must read for everyone. 

So where is the special sub-forum and/or sticky with success journals/examples?

Back to my journal, I officially realized today, that I am taken too many steps at once, and demanding too much change of myself to happen in a short time. So for now, I am going to slow down a lot more, focus on the things that matter most, namely soul/identity level exploration and keeping my body healthy and clean,

I scratch my skin when I am frustrated, this frustration comes from it being itchy but also other life things, like heavy emotions (sadness/anger) and I have realized/begun to accept, that similiar to my gaming, the scratching used to be a coping technique, for whenever I was feeling down, or lonely, or otherwise dissapointed. Now though, I am realizing a new me, and I am realizing that I have grown so much, that I can learn new ways to be myself and because I can learn new ways of being myself, I have an oppertunity to not only stop gaming but also to stop hurting myself. It is time, to allow and accept myself, for me. The good with the bad, and that the bad comes out and that I don't hide or turn my face for who I am and what I want and need.

It feels sublimely great to start being myself, feeling who I am, I think I never wanted to do this.. because I don't like being unoriginal, and the years of 14-19/20, or ´puberty´ are your identity crisis years, so I simply refused to be in an identity crisis, this however put me in a kind of odd bind, and let me to copy other's identities because I couldn't search for my own, because any kind of failure would imply that I too, was in an identity search/crisis. Of course I never truly found myself.. and thus I was left facing a incomplete self. Now I still don't like the generalisation people spout out, thinking they know everything or that everyone's life is predictable and the same. But I accept that I too am human.. with limitations and that my road to beginning to become myself starts with accepting and getting used to a new way of thinking, one where I don't accept other's toxic shaming of me, and where I don't toxicely shame others. The book ´shame´ by john bradshaw helped me realize much of who I am and what I has gone through..

I am not sorry if this post is not entirely or mostly gaming related. If this site and it's journalling sub-forum is limited to game related issues/addiction, then I ask you now, the person reading if you mind me exposing my soul in all it's forms, not just the small part of gaming. I shall take your answer as is, I feel this journal is helping me progress tremendously, but I can't be feeling guilty about using it to explain what I am going through and because this site is so generous in support filled with nice loving people, I wouldn't be able to go on journalling, if it meant hurting or abusing these forums in a way that is unacceptable.

Signed up for university today, law. It has been a long time coming, I don't particularly like law, nor do i particularly like studying, nor even the jobs that arise from law. But I accept the fact that in today's society, the achievement of having a finished University degree, means something, it means you have deemed yourself worthy. And that is what i am going to do, I am going to proof to society that I am smart and hard-working. That I am worthy of being in their employment and that they may be grateful to have me as their employee.

Gaming wise, I had some urge to play dota because I wanted to bond with a friend of mine who also plays it, when he talked about it, I immediately thought of doing it to have something to do with him. But I shook off the feeling 2 minutes later, realizing the hazard of me going back to that kind of life. First I would play a game, then Hearthstone would be okay to do, ´just one game´ etc all the addictions would be around the corner waiting for me, and hit me even harder then before.

If the brains don't work, the feet get punished -Turkish provherb.

Day 6 done, phew.. what an ordeal to quit gaming/discovering new forms of life.

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So where is the special sub-forum and/or sticky with success journals/examples?

it is the archived Journal under section, in the daily journal section.

It is absolutely ok to talk about not gaming related things. This forum is more of an general self-development forum. Many people here(myself included) try to better their lives and identified games as something which was, or is holding them back. We have all the same starting point(quitting games) but gaming addiction isn't something you can watch isolated. It comes directly with personal problems. To solve these is a key point for success

Congratulations on staying strong not to game at all. I can say out of experience that you slip into your hold habits faster then you would think. Tomorrow you got one week. Nice Job!

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Wow your post today was obviously a big turning point for you or perhaps just the writing of it because you had read the book from Bradshaw.  So many of us game for the other issues in our life and I think this is why the forum is very diverse in what people are working on and why there is so much personal growth.  You remove the crutch of games and you are left with the problems that keep you on gaming.  I think you are completely on the right track to work on your coping mechanisms and develop healthier ones than hurting yourself. In the beginning they are weak but get stronger with practice. I used to envision a colt on shaking legs with its first steps. 

It does not matter if we like your journals or not ( I do though) it is for you.  If it helps you - do it.  It will honestly probably help others face things too.  Do it online or privately.  My journaling was key to my healing.  As I read a book, I would write the thoughts that crossed my head, how it applied, how it didn't and the ways I wanted to shift my thought patterns.  The OMG this is true moments that I spent days refiling my thoughts to the new paradigms and lifting higher out of the depths.  Brene Brown helped me the most with self-acceptance and learning I had the right to be alive.  We are all key components to the universe.

"It is time, to allow and accept myself, for me. The good with the bad, and that the bad comes out and that I don't hide or turn my face for who I am and what I want and need." 

This says it all!  Is this taking care of you, valuing you etc.  I brush/floss my teeth because I deserve healthy teeth etc.  Emotional pain is intense and the need to relieve it is also.  In the early days, I would just sit and feel it and count minutes.  My goal was to just feel for like 5 minutes without doing anything else then do what I needed to relieve.  I expanded that time to build a tolerance so to speak.  In retrospect, I am not sure that is the best way to bare knuckle it but to talk myself through it. ie you are fine, safe, this feels intense and its ok.  Acceptance works better for me now.  Then gently exploring and journaling the feelings/thoughts.  What am I thinking and am I stuck in a negative loop?  Is this situation harmful for me?  No, it is my choice then it is just new and myself is showing the stress - can i back it up and go slower.  How can I support myself here as I do this to get to where I want to go or is there a different approach?  Do I need to build a subskill first?  As you go to University you will definitely need those self-comfort skills to tolerate life's up and downs and stresses in a healthy way.  Isn't this why we are all here :/.

It is great to have goals and education works well for many.  Lawyer jokes aside, it is a valuable and respected profession to help people with many things in life and business. If you do not like something shouldn't you explore other avenues?  I would say you are already worthy with or without a degree and don't need to prove it to anyone.  If you desire a degree for yourself to advance the goals you have set for your life then go forward.  If you are doing it to win approval of someone or society then its the wrong reason in my opinion and demonstrates your are not accepting yourself fully in this scenario.  If you want to be a lawyer, you deserve to work for it and try to make that dream happen.  If you don't want it, there are other areas that have fulfilling work and make a comfortable living that might be more aligned with who you are.

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Believe what you need to be in love with in order to live - JBR

Been a long day today.. a lot of soul searching, even wrote an essay titled ´The importance of ideals ´ It counts 2416 words, with probably like 30 of those words being title's/headers, all in all I am extremely proud of myself, I never wrote an essay before and doing this has made me feel like I can achieve a goal I set for myself, I found a tad about my ideals, like taking my own pace for best results ´value/ideal´ and ´enjoying when i am doing things I find fun´ it's circular I know, but a more accurate statement I could not make out of it.  Mostly though the essay was about how ideal's fit into life, and how I regard them to be influental and what I think is the best metaphysical approach to dealing or ´embracing´ them. A good deal of what kad just wrote corresponds with it as well.

As for journalling, I am now doing a personal one here, and a private journal aswell. I can't share things which are too emotional.. but I also feel a need to share less emotional things, which are still hard for me to say, but not deafening blows to my heart to even conjure the words on paper, much less have the possibility of feedback/prying eyes into my hearts vulnerableness.

Had some weird gaming sensations today, to go to browser games which I don't enjoy at all, but even so the thought still irrevokeably kept crossing my mind. Also tried my best to not scratch myself today.. but the pull to do it is much stronger then me at times, I now am doing research into what drives me to getting the urge in the first place, I have found for now, that sometimes the urges come from a need to express anger. Punching and expressing violent energy onto a pillow makes me relieved and relaxed. Other times it's acknowledgement of shame and owning up to my responsibility in the blame and commenting on how I will act upon it in the future, though this doesn't work unless the acknowledgement is very sincere. At the very least I can conclude, that even though the pain is excruciating, this is in no way a ´bar´ or something that holds me back when I feel frustrated/emotional, atleast good to know that I can't rely on this to fix itself through the realization of massive pain. I have made photos though of the scratched parts and I plan to hang the pictures on the fridge, kind of like a shock therapy.

As for University, I am doing it because I wanna be good at something and I currently have very little accurate knowledge as to who/what I am and therefore can't make accurate decisions, but I do know I am getting older and older (23 now) and without a good education, I might become a failure... as i just typed this, i am shocked at what i wrote..my self-esteem is bruised.. i ordered the book six pillars of self-esteem, im excited to get to reading that, and finishing shame, the pdf online only had 80/340 pages, so ordered it. Should get it soon :D 

Thanks Kad, WIP and cam for reading.

In response to your implied question, if I am at a big turning point, yeah, but probably it is so big, that I won't be able to asses how big it actually is right now, till I have crossed a part of the mountain and look behind me.

10 things which are good stuff:

1. Essay writing about ideals

2. Setting internal goals

3. Being okay with the good and bad parts of yourself

4. Becoming okay with me, instead of denial/rejection of myself.

5. Free chips during a market research for a new brand of chips.

6. Can't say this enough, forgiving yourself, analyzing what went wrong and keep on trying to find the ways that work for you.

7. Having two journals

8. Being able to continue this journal even though the gaming has become a minor part of it

9. Becoming passionate about adopting a dog, even broke down crying looking at the eyes of Spring whom had been in an asylum his entire life for 3 years, It was as if i was staring at myself, though the unions nearby probably played a part in this tearfull situation too.

10. Being born into an age where freedom of thought is allowed, no forced social rules, like strictly technically, Im jewish, but I ate some pig tonight, happy to be alive and to make my own decisions/choices.

11. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4QHLmEZtQ4, extending my list to 11 this time, couldn't resist, this track/list is killer for my senses, so good.

1 WEEK! (that means I am not Weak :D )

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