TheJan 47 Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 (edited) Hello, I am Jan. I come from Germany and though i am certain my English is good, sometimes i have to look up words so it it sometimes may read a bit unnatural. Since i used to participate in a lot of English-speaking forums in the past, i am certain that it will work. I am also known to write huge walls of text. I hope i do not trigger anyone, so i will "spoiler out" the passages that are triggers for me. I plan to make this a journal of all kinds of things that come to me mind. Since i have been "clean" for over 2 weeks now, this post will be very long. I plan to come on sporadically and sometimes write something here. Or more often. I don't know.Today is the 18th day of my detox. This is the longest i have not played games in 10+ years at 6h/day. 4 hours in "low" times. I used to be puzzled when i read that you have a problem with gaming when you more than 2 hours per day, and you have a serious problem if you play 4 hours per day. I always thought: "Yeah right... i sometimes play 12 hours per day or more."I still find it puzzling how the discussion actually goes past the actual problem and how they argue like "yeah with 2 hours you are safe, but with 4 hours you have a problem..." - I mean, the real people who have real problems... they don't play 4 hours per day. (When i only played 4 hours per day my life actually went okay) They play 8+. On a side note, there is an actual number for alcohol that docs agree that is "safe". And it is one bottle/big glass of beer for a man, and a half bottle/"small" glass for a woman - each time you actually drink alcohol. Yeah right. You go to the bar and then of course you drink ONE glass of beer - or ONE Cocktail. Right. Try 3 or 4.I have dreamt of gaming every night since i stopped (but not usually about the same game). I wonder when these dreams will stop.Today is the day i finally joined the forum, because i was very skeptical of forums at first. I have had problems with forums in the past... and with facebook. Which is why i quit around 2 years ago.At first i will sum up why i played games. I played games primarily because of achievement+strategic thinking, and once i started WoW, it became a social activity too. I quit WoW a while back, and i came back again and again. And quit again. Once my account got banned (They thought i was a gold farmer... well i also applied power-leveling techniques... ), so i "just" bought the whole game again with ALL the expansions.I tried multiple times to "wean off" gaming because i noticed how it impacted my life. The last time i tried by only installing "low-risk games". So only adventures+puzzle games. But then after 4 days i moved on to single player rpgs... Then another 4 days and i was at city-building/financial games again. And then i soon was at 6+ hours again.WARNING HUGE TRIGGER (for me):I used to write myself huge Excel tables calculating profit stuff for financial+city building simulations. I drew plans of building blocks for city-building games. I theorycrafted a lot for WoW to find out how to optimize my rotations, while still preserving mana and using the ressources at peak efficiency. This way i ensured i was always ahead of the curve. I looked at patches data before they were published so that i could know which items to buy at the auction house (i mean so that i could estimate which items would be in high demand once the next patch hit...) I calculated the best ways to make gold. I calculated the time i would need to reach max level. I measured the time i needed to reach the next level.I stop now because it makes me kind of jittery.I am wondering if there is any other kind to make a "spoiler code" without just making it white.I want to focus that energy into things that actually give me an edge IN LIFE. I want to focus that analytical+organizational skill into becoming better in sports, music and life in general. To do this, i made myself a free Calendar with fruux (i dislike Google knowing everything) that i sync across Thunderbird and my Phone.After 11 weeks of running without a real training plan, I created a schedule to train. Monday Circle Training (bodyweight training) , Tuesday Running (Speed), Wednesday Running (Endurance), Thursday Circle training like Monday, Friday Running (More Speed than Endurance), Saturday Running (more Endurance than Speed), Sunday nothing. I went to the library and researched the topic. Every week it gets a little bit more, and every 4 weeks i have a "regeneration week" in which i step back to the things were 3 weeks before (so it is still more than the last "regeneration cycle"). So far it works great and i am making good progress - more than before when i wasn't using the schedule. Not only did i make progress with my running, i also made progress with things like pushups, situps... it is very encouraging to see the progress. All in all that is about 5 hours/week of training.I used to swim and do fighting sports, i am used to always "harmonize" my breathing with my movements (Swimming: Breathing pyramids, Breathing rhythms... Fighting sports: Breathe out+Strike together) - also i researched the running a bit both online and in the library. A friend of mine says i make breathing while running look like a "higher science". Today i have counted how much i have probably spent on gaming in the whole 10-15 years. Here it goes:Buying price: Since i have a huge collection, i have probably spent around 500-1000€.Gaming magazines+Guides: Around 300€Subscription fees and "character services": I estimate around 1000€ (Not only WoW, though it was the biggest chunk)Hardware, PCs, Consoles, Equipment: ~2000€, could probably have cut it to around half of that if i had not been playing games.... so i'll take 1000€. I guess that is a bit low, but i never really got myself those expensive gaming pcs and always tried to buy low-range computers, then play games that were a little outdated.Extra Volume or higher rates for surf-sticks - which i could not always back off from... (i used to move a lot due to and it was always so tedious to get an internet connection... and what if i was traveling by train???) so that i could download games+patches better... i guess around 500€ more than would have been neccessary had i not played games.... that makes 3300-3800€... if i count more computer upgrades, its probably around 4500€. That's 25-38€/month. Of course in the earlier years it was less, like 10-20€/month, in peak times it was probably around 30-50€/month. That is alot of money all in all. I used up much of my savings for games (money i got "for free" from relatives like my grandma who saved it for me... ) and i feel bad about wasting it. I could have invested that money a lot better. On the other hand, I now have 30-50€ more per month. Now that is something to look forward to. I think i am going to put that money aside for "investment" (like better clothing, joining clubs, courses, etc)... or watch it pile up till i want to buy myself something big.I want to go to a "runner-meet-up" tomorrow (I looked it up, and there seems to be no direct translation for the word in German, that's strange). I CERTAINLY need to get out more AND meet more people. I have also found more time for playing music. I hope to somehow find a orchestra or something alike, or join a sports club. I have a concert this summer with an orchestra i got invited to (it is a one-time-revival-event of an orchestra that was playing regularly a few years back)... but we only meet one time before the concert and then on concert, and afterwards we go to a restaurant from the money we collect at the end... So it is not really regular. I need more regular meetings with other people outside of family.I still spend lots of time surfing the web, and once per day i get the urge to open sites that have to do something with gaming. Good that i have blocked those sites. I recently canceled a planned small "gaming event" that was to take place at a friends house. I told him that i could not come because i fear a relapse if i do. He thinks it's a pity, but he also understands it. That was a huge relief. I don't know what i am going to do that night, but i will do something to occupy my mind (TRIGGER) so that i don't think about how my friends play at that time.Wall of text. End. Edited April 24, 2016 by TheJan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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