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Matt R's Journal.


Merdoc_Rowboat
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Day 1: Hasn't been terribly difficult, I've been out of town away from my games so I haven't had that temptation.

Told my girlfriend about the detox and she is extremely excited and supportive. I expected nothing less.

I've had a few saddening thoughts about giving up gaming. My best friend is a huge gamer as well and not sharing that with him saddens me. But we do share a love of ping pong so there's that.

I'm anxious about going home. I get up super early and drive two hours from my girlfgirlfriend's house in order to make it to work on time, after that and possibly working out I'm going to be home, tired, and I'll have free time. That'll be my first real test.

Thanks for reading. :)

Edited by Merdoc_Rowboat
Added context. Changed the Title for less confusion.
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Day 2: 3/10/16

On the drive home got a little emotional about this quitting thing. Was listening to R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts."

Hit me right in the feels. Started tearing up, singing at the top of my voice in the car trying not to drive off the road.

After work, I went and ran some errands I'd been putting off for a while due to gaming. Got some workout supplements (pre-workout/protein powder.) Then I went to Walmart and got some new work shoes, a torque screwdriver for a little project, and some ammo for the next time I go shooting.

After that, I went home and took apart my butterfly knife so I could clean it. Then mom got home and I told her all about game quitters and the 90 day detox. She just wants me to find my way in life. At the end of the conversation she was hoping that external factors weren't keeping me from doing what I want. And I told her "the only thing holding me back is me."

Thanks again for reading. 

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Hey! Love to see your journal up here. Swings in your emotions are normal so don't be surprised by them. Just use this as an opportunity to notice them and learn more about yourself. You're on the right path, keep going :)

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Good to read that you shared this with your mother. Seriously, keep sharing it with anyone who might wanna hear it! i know i felt the first 2, 3 times strange when i told people i was gonna quit cold turkey. after the fourth time i freaking meant it. keep going!

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Day 3: 3/11/16

Got up at 7:00 this morning to hit the gym before work.

My dad works night shift so I told him about the detox before I left. He's excited and proud glad to say.

I did several bench press workouts. I checked the forums and try to leave some supportive comments to my fellow quitters. I hope by being active in the forums I can inspire others to do the same.

Work was dull. I was so tired I had to take a nap in the car outside on my break. I left a little early for home and took another nap before I left for my girlfriend's house.

Also, she told me that she and her brothers were trying to catch an alligator out of this abandoned pool in the woods near her house.

Unfortunately we were unsuccessful.

My mind hasn't really been on gaming or that fact that I'm not gaming. Normally, I'd be here eagerly awaiting the next chance to game. So its been a pretty easy day.

Edited by Merdoc_Rowboat
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I did several bench press workouts. I checked the forums and try to leave some supportive comments to my fellow quitters. I hope by being active in the forums I can inspire others to do the same.

It definitely has a positive impact on encouraging others to join as well. Really appreciate your support, it takes a bit of weight off my shoulders too. :)

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Day 4: 3/12/16

Slept in for a bit. After I woke up and had breakfast I helped my girlfriend with her gardening. I was mostly weeding and getting bricks out of the ground to be used later.

Finished up and had a great lunch: homemade burgers and potato wedges.

My girlfriend had a friend over to study so I downloaded a drum machine app and began playing with it. Eventually I would like to play some music at bars or do open mic nights. Itd be cool to have a good setup where my girlfriend and I can do cool shows that aren't just acoustic.

After that we went out to eat and had a few beers before crashing for the night.

This week I wanna start making some short term goals that I can look forward to completing week to week. That's something gaming gave me was something to look forward to every day.

As always, thanks for reading. 

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Hello Merdoc!

It looks like you had a pretty productive day!  In a way, its kind of exciting to think about short term goals. I also wanted to add that rewarding yourself for completing short-term goals is also helpful.  It gives you that incentive to keep going.  This may be contrary to what other people approve of, but here's a very simple example.  If a person works out let's say five days a week and they've eaten healthy meals, perhaps they want to reward themselves with one treat at the end of the week, be it a small slice of pie, or a dish of ice-cream topped with fruits, etc.  Nothing too unhealthy, but at least a nice tasty reward for a hard week's physical labor.  In this way, it makes you feel like you're not depriving yourself, or feel burned out because you're always striving to meet these short-term goals every single day.  I think a person would need to feel some type of reward for their efforts.  :)  Keep in mind, the reward has gotta be something healthy, at least.  

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My girlfriend had a friend over to study so I downloaded a drum machine app and began playing with it. Eventually I would like to play some music at bars or do open mic nights. Itd be cool to have a good setup where my girlfriend and I can do cool shows that aren't just acoustic.

That would be rad.

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Day 5: 3/13/16

Woke up around 10:00 to go to church. My girlfriend's niece was singing in the choir so we went to a different church than normal it was sweet to see the kids sing, and they fed us after the service so I can't whine too much about that.

While we were there, there was talk of baby goats. So we go home to change and run over to my gf's brother's place. Hopped in with them and went to see the goats. As expected they were absolutely precious.

I shall post pictures.

After that we went back to her house where we decided to enjoy the outdoors on the back porch while she studied. she studied for about an hour while I perused the gamequitters forum.

When she decided to take a break I suggested that we practice shooting for a bit. So we shot at this dead tree that she had in her back yard. She lives in a rural area so we didn't have to go to a range.

After dinner her brother and his wife came over and brought the little ones and they proceeded to decorate us with Mardis Gras beads and other weird stuff.

I shall post pictures of this as well.

Today was a good day, I haven't really thought about gaming today. I had a few dreams, but other than that I've been looking ahead towards a life free of videogames.

Tomorrow I'm heading back home and I'll be around my games again, but I'm confident I can keep myself fulfilled, and avoid dwelling on them too much.

Thanks again!

IMG_20160313_143530023.jpg

2016-03-13 21.56.42.jpg

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 Day 5: 3/14/16

Washed my car after work today. I was a lot more meticulous and deliberate than usual. I think that I rushed through washing my car other times so I could get back to gaming but today I took my time and made sure my ride was clean.

Then I go back outside within 30 minutes of washing my car and it already started to gather pollen.

This time of year is the bane of my existence. Allergies be rough.

After that I practiced on my guitar and learned a pretty easy song. "Pop Song 89" by R.E.M. The song itself is easy enough, there's a fun guitar lick that's the central focus of the track. It was challenging to learn, but not so much that it was frustrating. Only took me about 30 minutes to learn the whole thing.

My Mom and I talked for a bit, and she wants to go out and play tennis on the weekends when I'm home. I thought that was a great Idea. Before I quit gaming I was wanting to take up tennis.

Went to my friend's house to play pool and hang out. Now that I'm no longer gaming I feel like a part of our friendship is dead, and It makes me kind of sad. I'll need to make time on an off day so we can go out and do things together.

So Tomorrow's goals are thus:

- Work out at least once. Twice if I'm feeling frisky.

- Start a new book, or begin re-reading one.

- Practice "Pop Song 89"

- Comment on 5 forum posts. and they have to be meaningful, or at least heartfelt.

I feel like this week is going to be challenging for me. Thanks for reading. You guys are great!

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Day 6: 3/15/16

Tried to wake up early for a morning workout, but ended up snoozing. 

Had a hearty fruit smoothie and some cashews for breakfast. The past couple weeks I've been really tired all the time, so I figured It had something to do with my diet. Certain nuts have magnesium which supports energy so I had those with the fruit smoothie. My GF Rachel told me coffee also has magnesium.

Work was interesting to say the least. My boss started getting upset at the cooks for a mistake. My boss is a strange man, very unpredictable, almost volatile. I do my best to avoid anything to do with him. but when he gets upset and starts raising his voice it makes me anxious. Other than that it was a typical day.

After work I went home and hung out with my dad before he went to work. He asked me "You still off of videogames?" I said "Yeah" he asked me if I had any craving and I said "Oh yeah definitely, that's why I'm heading out to the gym. To keep my mind off of it."

I rinsed the pollen off my car with the hose and drove out with the top down.

I drive a 2000 Mazda MX-5 Miata named Yvette. A two-seater convertible, it's the most fun driving experience I've ever had. Granted I wasn't really into cars until my friend showed me the Miata. It's the first manual transmission (stick shift) car I've owned and I don't think I can ever go back to an automatic.

Driving a stick is a lot more involving than driving an automatic. You decide when the gears shift and this gives you more control over the car. It doesn't do anything unless you tell it to.

I was thinking about all this at the gym. I was at a machine and I saw my car out of the window and I took a moment to appreciate what an amazing car I have and to appreciate that I have the opportunity to OWN such an amazing car.

After the gym I hung out with my Mom while we ate dinner and I've been on the forums for a while listening to my records.

Goals that I've accomplished:

Hit the gym after work.

- Will begin reading The Scorch Trials after I post my journal.

- Practiced "Pop Song 89" as well as "So Real" by Jeff Buckley

- Posted 4 of 5 comments on forums.

Goals for Tommorow:

- Work out in the A.M.

- Turn in change at the bank

- Put in request for vacation time at work.

- Create a new post in the forum.

See you guys tomorrow. Thanks for reading!

 

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ok then i show you the other favorite goat meme in my collection :D. Here in europe it is normal to drive manual transmission cars. And yeah they are more fun. I love my little old citroen c1 :D

 

Freaking Derek. Always scheming. Yeah most of my fat american brethren would rather let the car drive itself. Screw that.

I've never heard of Citroen. LLooks neat, we don't see those in the U.S.

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Hey Matt!

I see that you've started your adventure of being game free just about week ago and you've alreade posted so many posts on this forum! Great job!

That's also great to have people to support you. I don't have so much people to talk about my gaming past, only my closest family, girlfriend and one best friend know about it. Maybe that's because I'm Mad. I mean, (Future) Mad Pharmacists.

But sharing with others, even on the forum, helps a lot even subconsciously. However, remember that it's always on you, just like @Cam Adair said on his last video.

I'm on 76th day of detox, and to be frank, I really appreciate every day of being game free. It's like living completely another life without any force controlling me. I know it's tough at the beggining with cravings and urges, but it will all wear off soon. So enjoy it!

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Day 7: 3/16/16

@hycniejsy Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot to me especially today.

Today's been permeated with melancholy. This mornings workout was dragged down by this sadness. 

This shift at work was affected as well. I was super tired and irritable. My boss tried to get me to work next saturday, I told her no and she seemed to resent me for it even though I picked up a shift this sunday to help her out. but maybe its just me being paranoid.

I feel as though something is missing, like a part of me has died. I got through the day fine, but I just feel an emptiness.

I need a new job mainly. I think that its just part of the detox, the withdrawals. It also kind of reassures me that this is what I need. I need the detox. I need to quit, my life can't revolve around gaming. It doesn't do me any good.

I worked out again with my friend and talked about the detox a bit. He felt I didn't need to go the full 90 days, but I know that I need it to invest in new hobbies and prove I don't need gaming in my life.

I'm just tired tonight. I stayed up, got up early the next day, went to the gym twice. I'm just ready to get in bed and sleep for quite a while.

Goals completed today:

- Worked out this morning.

- Put in request for vacation time.

Goals I failed to complete:

I went to the bank but I didn't get my change cashed in. Had to handle an account dispute.

- I haven't created a new post in the forums

Goals for tomorrow: 

Try my best to get Friday off.

- Prepare my lunch before work.

 

 

Edited by Merdoc_Rowboat
added more about work today. then comleted journal.
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Day 7: 3/16/16

@hycniejsy Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot to me especially today.

Today's been permeated with melancholy. This mornings workout was dragged down by this sadness. 

This shift at work was affected as well. I was super tired and irritable.

I feel as though something is missing, like a part of me has died. I got through the day fine, but I just feel an emptiness.

I need a new job mainly. I think that its just part of the detox, the withdrawals. It also kind of reassures me that this is what I need. I need the detox. I need to quit, my life can't revolve around gaming. It doesn't do me any good.

I worked out again with my friend and talked about the detox a bit. He felt I didn't need to go the full 90 days, but I know that I need it to invest in new hobbies and prove I don't need gaming in my life.

Goals completed so far:

- Worked out this morning.

- Put in request for vacation time.

I'll be back on with more later tonight. Thanks guys you're the greatest

 

Hey there Merdoc

Yes, I agree that the withdrawal feeling is part of the process.  Also, these periods of down times are useful because it gives you those moments to reflect on your life.   I think that gaming distracts us from taking a deeper look at what is causing us to feel sad, or empty, or lonely, or angry.  Your goals that you completed so far are awesome.  Keep working towards them.  I think that every time you look back on the goals you accomplished, it will give you motivation to continue.  Every little step counts.  You are moving forward, not backwards!  :) 

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