FDRx7 Posted October 9, 2023 Author Share Posted October 9, 2023 (edited) Day 33 - Sunday (yesterday) Summary: We spent the morning with my parents and then went back home. The day went by quickly. We did some shopping, grabbed some food, and then relaxed for the rest of the evening. I built a fire and we sat and read. We have candles in various places so with the fire, it creates a very relaxing atmosphere. Today (Monday) is my phone screening for the job opportunity. I'm a little bit nervous because I don't know who I'll be speaking with and if our personalities will mesh. However, I'm optimistic that I will be friendly and put my best self forward. I am trying to be realistic about the opportunity to guard myself against disappointment. It is inevitable that if I do not get the position, I will be disappointed. I'm instead hoping to mitigate how much disappointment I experience. I'm doing my best to keep from thinking about leaving my current job for this one, but it is very hard to do with the prospect set before me. All I can do is continue as though I don't have the job until I do while thinking optimistically about myself as a candidate. I didn't listen to podcasts the last two days and it was kind of nice. I'm thinking about the ones I listen to regularly and, right now at least, I don't feel like consuming... we'll see if that changes throughout the day, but I think my mind is asking me for a break even though I've been cutting back. I'll see how today goes. Gratitude: For the phone screening I will have today Why: I have waited a long time to be able to interview for a position like this. I'm grateful to have the opportunity and put my best self forward. For the fire I built Why: It cheers me to see something I created bring warmth and happiness to my home. The fire created a wonderful atmosphere to be cozy and read with hot cider. For the way I spent my evening Why: I'm glad I spent the remainder of my evening reading. It was a good use of my time and I enjoyed the stories I read. I closed the book at the end of the night remarking that I was pleased with the way I spent my time. PROGRESS UPDATES: Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 47): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. Excessive Podcast Listening: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Didn't listen to any podcasts at all. Plan: Set strict rule of no listening to podcasts in bed. Continue to listen only to podcasts I am truly interested in. I will try to keep from listening to podcasts I've used just for background. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 56): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Spent the morning with my parents, then time shopping with my wife. Picked up a few things for the house. In the evening, read together on the couch. Reading: Read two more stories by Algernon Blackwood. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: No data Description: Again, another unusual day... not much to track here. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: I did go to bed later than I wanted to but I was in bed, completed my nighttime routine (except stretching again), and read my novel until I fell asleep. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did quite a bit of cleaning. Tidied up, cleaned the stairs, swept the bedroom and hallways, swept under the bed (badly needed) and bedroom furniture, cleaned the sink, and washed some of the dog's bedding. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: No scoring yet Description: Eating schedule was once again off but my weight is starting to increase a bit, so I'm thinking my body might be starting to adjust. Plan: Continue current behavior. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Edited October 9, 2023 by FDRx7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 10, 2023 Author Share Posted October 10, 2023 Day 34 - Monday (yesterday) Summary: I'm at my parents' place again because I need to get some things done at their house while my wife is away. We had a nice time eating dinner yesterday and watching a short show. I'll be with them until Wednesday afternoon. I brought my dog, of course, who made herself right at home again. She is currently snoring away on the couch nearby. I had the phone screening today and it went well. I felt I fumbled at times, but I think at the end of the day it was less about what I said and more about how I said it. Now I wait for a bit (1-2 weeks) to hear back if I am invited for a second round of interviews. I'm hoping to hear soon as 2 weeks will be torturous... but it will pass no matter what. A quick aside, it's amazing how our environment affects our habits. I am staying in my old room at my parents' place and my instinct when going to bed was to go on my phone. Granted, I am out of my routine as well because I am not home with all my secure structures in place. Still, I should have tried to read but instead went back to an old habit of internet browsing. I don't even remember what I looked at because I fell asleep quickly. Of course, I didn't watch YouTube as there is no way for me to do that, but phone browsing before bed isn't great either. I'll be more conscious of this; being out of my routine and in an old environment is definitely something to watch out for. I may need some additional strategies to help me maintain the good habits. Gratitude: For the phone screening I had today. Why: I'm glad to have had the opportunity and I feel it went quite well, in spite of my nerves. For time spent with my parents. Why: Now that I have moved, I don't see them as often or talk to them as much as I used to, so it is pleasant to visit with them and enjoy their company. PROGRESS UPDATES: Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 48): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch independently. Watched an episode of something with my parents but that was it. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. Excessive Podcast Listening: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Only listened while packing and driving. Plan: Set strict rule of no listening to podcasts in bed. Continue to listen only to podcasts I am truly interested in. I will try to keep from listening to podcasts I've used just for background. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 57): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Did not journal. If I manage to complete one this morning to make up for it, I'll come back and put a partial score. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Spent time with my parents in the evening. Made a mocktail with my mother. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Spent the day working on things that mattered. Made fairly good use of time. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★☆☆☆ Description: I went to bed before midnight but didn't complete my nighttime routine. Read on my phone a little bit and fell asleep instead of reading my novel. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did great before leaving the house. Tidied up, cleaned downstairs toilet, cleaned bathroom sink, partially cleaned the upstairs toilet, and washed some of the dog's blankets. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: No scoring yet Description: Eating schedule was again off. I'm debating whether I really want to push eating more though or if I'm happy to go much slower. One of the biggest things is to make sure I get enough protein. But after that, I don't know how much more I want to bulk up. I can certainly take it slow. I just don't want to burn out on eating too much. Plan: Continue current behavior. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikar Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 On 10/9/2023 at 3:07 PM, FDRx7 said: Today (Monday) is my phone screening for the job opportunity. I'm a little bit nervous because I don't know who I'll be speaking with and if our personalities will mesh. However, I'm optimistic that I will be friendly and put my best self forward. I am trying to be realistic about the opportunity to guard myself against disappointment. It is inevitable that if I do not get the position, I will be disappointed. I'm instead hoping to mitigate how much disappointment I experience. I'm doing my best to keep from thinking about leaving my current job for this one, but it is very hard to do with the prospect set before me. All I can do is continue as though I don't have the job until I do while thinking optimistically about myself as a candidate. 3 hours ago, FDRx7 said: I had the phone screening today and it went well. I felt I fumbled at times, but I think at the end of the day it was less about what I said and more about how I said it. Now I wait for a bit (1-2 weeks) to hear back if I am invited for a second round of interviews. I'm hoping to hear soon as 2 weeks will be torturous... but it will pass no matter what. Good luck! I'd definitely say you can be optimistic; if it doesn't work out, you still have your current job. How much of an improvement would it be compared to your current position? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 10, 2023 Author Share Posted October 10, 2023 Thanks! I would be doing something very different from what I do now, but the subject and the type of work are more in line with what I actually like. In fact, I had an internship with the company before and they wanted to hire me but couldn't because of COVID hiring freezes. Now, almost 3 years later, my old manager reached out to me about this position. He tried to get me in once or twice before but faced similar HR issues because of COVID and the economic environment it had created. I think he wants me on his team, but the hiring process still makes me somewhat nervous because I don't know who actually makes the decisions. What I do now is something I took because I needed work and at the time also fit what I needed from a job. It still does, but I feel neutral about the work itself. I have grown to somewhat like it since I have become better at it, but it's still not my favorite thing in the world. This new opportunity more closely aligns with things that interest me, practicing skills I wish to develop further. And I know no job is perfect, but I believe it's time for a change. Also, my current company is not run very well and it's my first job in corporate. I tell my other friends things that happen here and they say, "Yeah, that's not normal man." So, I'm hoping a new environment at a place I liked working at will be a good change for me and keep me from pigeonholing myself in this current position. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikar Posted October 11, 2023 Share Posted October 11, 2023 18 hours ago, FDRx7 said: I think he wants me on his team, but the hiring process still makes me somewhat nervous because I don't know who actually makes the decisions. 18 hours ago, FDRx7 said: And I know no job is perfect, but I believe it's time for a change. Also, my current company is not run very well and it's my first job in corporate. I tell my other friends things that happen here and they say, "Yeah, that's not normal man." So, I'm hoping a new environment at a place I liked working at will be a good change for me and keep me from pigeonholing myself in this current position. Gah, company politics and bureaucracy! I know I was still gaming back then, but I left the army precisely due to the fact that I just didn't have years to wait until they finally decided to put me in a position that I would perhaps like. I understand your drive to change things up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 11, 2023 Author Share Posted October 11, 2023 I know, it's terrible... HR figuratively has the power of life and death in its hands. When it is done well, it makes a company very strong and people want to stay. When it is done poorly, employee motivation decreases and overall output becomes worse. I think that's where I'm at now... demotivated by how work is assigned, what work you are required to do... the company does a poor job of rewarding so it doesn't make me motivated to work harder. Only to do my best in order to keep the job. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 11, 2023 Author Share Posted October 11, 2023 (edited) Day 35 - Tuesday (yesterday) Summary: Today (yesterday, I never know which perspective to write from) was pretty great. I was able to get one of my cars transferred to my name, registered, and over to my favorite shop to be inspected. My mother was a great help to me in getting this done. It was a huge stress relief to get this completed because every time I visited my parents, I would feel stress looking at my cars that I couldn't move due to registration and inspection since I needed them in my name. I consider myself to be someone who cares for his things and looking at them stuck in the driveway created this great conflict within me about myself. Only one more to go, but I feel so much lighter now. I still didn't do a great job with my nighttime routine or journaling. I might be being a bit rigid for myself, especially being out of the house, but I still feel I should be striving to keep some semblance of normalcy. So, I'm a little disappointed at seeing my average score flattening a bit over the last couple of days, but I'm confident I can get it back up. Additionally, I was inspired to try something new based on a conversation in @Ace92's journal. I am going to eliminate podcasts for the remainder of my 90 days. While I have somewhat reduced my consumption, I still feel maybe it's creating too much noise in my head. So, I'll stop listening to them entirely from Wednesday onward until the end of my 90 days. Once there, I'll reevaluate how I feel about them. It's possible I'll stop caring about them at all. We'll see! Gratitude: For getting my car registered and over to be inspected Why: I'm finally able to take care of my cars again and drive them. It will give me another hobby back in my hands and something else to continue replacing YouTube. For my mother and brother Why: I'm so thankful my mother helped get the car into my name, registered, and on the road. My brother was very gracious to drive with me to the shop to drop it off. Additionally, my mother bought us dinner and we all enjoyed some quality time together. PROGRESS UPDATES: Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 49): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch independently. Watched an episode of something with my parents but that was it. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. Excessive Podcast Listening: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Only listened while driving and doing some misc. tasks. Plan: Set strict rule of no listening to podcasts in bed. Continue to listen only to podcasts I am truly interested in. I will try to keep from listening to podcasts I've used just for background. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 58): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Did not journal again... Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Spent time with my parents and brother again in the evening. Working on my cars: Got one of my cars up, out of the driveway, and off for an inspection. Big stress lifted. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Spent the day working on things that mattered. Made pretty good use of time. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★☆☆☆ Description: Again, I went to bed before midnight but didn't complete my nighttime routine. Read on my phone a little bit once again and fell asleep instead of reading my novel. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: No data Description: Not home, so currently does not apply. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: No scoring yet Description: Didn't eat as much as I should have yesterday... not on schedule. Plan: Continue current behavior. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Edited October 11, 2023 by FDRx7 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 12, 2023 Author Share Posted October 12, 2023 (edited) Day 36 - Wednesday (yesterday) Summary: I have started something new for those who like to follow my entries. I know they look long but that's because there is a lot of copy-paste of the template and existing plans. So, to make things easier to parse, I've made a change to the Plan section of each habit. If I add purple text in bold it means that I have made a change/addition to the plan (you can see an example of this in the No Podcasts habit). Otherwise, it's exactly the same and you can ignore it (unless you want to read it again). The things that change on a daily basis are summary, gratitude, the charts, habit rating, and habit description. Habit description might be the same as the day before but that's because I did exactly as I had done the day before. Hopefully this makes for a faster read for folks who are interested. Started to recover some of my habits even while being out of my element. I pushed myself over the hurdle of getting started journaling last night and was able to complete an entry. I was going to go home on Wednesday but there was no rush to return home as my wife doesn't come back until tomorrow. So, I chose to stay one more night with my parents. I think if I look back on life, I'd be happier choosing to have stayed the extra day with them than to go home and be alone. I read a little bit online looking for people who have completely quit podcasts, but they seem to be few and far between. Podcasts appear to be like YouTube: many people consume it without a second thought as to how it might be affecting them or how much time they are spending with them. Afterall, it's educational. How could it be bad? There was only one that I found who quit for good. Everyone else said, "I tried quitting and here's what I found out." What they found out is that they experienced positive changes but could go no more than usually 30 days and jumped right back in saying things like, "This time I'll be more mindful," but I have no evidence that they did that. Not exactly inspirational. I intend to see this through and record how I feel after removing most of this from my life. I may return to one or two podcasts, but I think I want the majority to be out. We live in a constant state of noise and stimulation, and I don't think having podcasts on all the time is helping. What are we even doing with all that information anyways? I'm still waiting to hear back about second-round interviews for the job, but I'm currently trying to do my best here at this job for two reasons: one, if I don't get the other job, I'm only making it harder for myself later; and two, if I do get the job, I'm going to make it harder on others who need to take up the mantle after me. It's in everyone's interest if I just keep doing my best. Gratitude: For no podcasts and silence Why: I am feeling less overloaded by noise already. My mind feels a bit clearer; I am more at ease because I am not so highly tuned into certain topics, and I am returning to more music when I need to listen to something. For extra time spent with my family Why: One day I will not be able to spend time with them, so I'm glad I chose to be here for an extra day. I love them and am grateful for the love they provide me in return. PROGRESS UPDATES: Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 50): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch independently. Watched something socially with my parents but that was it. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 1): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: New rule/experiment based on yesterday's entry: for the rest of the 90 days I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 59): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Spent time with my parents and brother again in the evening. Reading: Tried to read my novel in bed but fell asleep very quickly (which is fine). Mocktails: Made a mocktail of my own design for my family. Exercise: Did a modified version of Upper A on my parents' workout equipment. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Stayed close to the system but knew what was important to work on today and did it. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Better. Was in bed before midnight and read my novel but didn't finish my full nighttime routine. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: No data Description: Not home, so currently does not apply. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Not scoring Description: Once again didn't eat as much until dinnertime. It's hard being away from home and being consistent. The rigidity of my planning at home makes it easier. Plan: Continue current behavior. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise Edited October 12, 2023 by FDRx7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 13, 2023 Author Share Posted October 13, 2023 (edited) Day 37 - Thursday (yesterday) Summary: I think this no-podcast thing is really good for me. Last night on my way home, I drove the entire hour in silence. I think the only times I've done that recently are when my wife is with me and she's asleep, but there remains something different about that. Being alone with just my dog, the silence was almost painful at first. I began to realize why I distract myself with so much noise - my mind naturally wanders towards negative thoughts and feelings of poignant nostalgia. Mono no aware, as the Japanese say, or a "sensitivity to the passage of time". I often dwell there too much, missing the good times of the past. There is a difference though between being thankful for the good times and thinking that those were your only good times. I needed that moment in the car because facing it head on, I was able to tell myself that while it is important to remember the past and to be aware of time's passage, I have dwelt therein my mind long enough over the years. I thanked myself for the concern with those things but gave myself permission to refocus. All the changes I am making are manifesting into one of the best versions of myself yet. I am creating the good times now. I pushed to focus there and on the wonderful things ahead. It will not be my last time struggling with this, but it was a pivotal moment in addressing the fear and sadness that I let hide behind my auditory distractions. When I arrived home, I put on some evening jazz (which made me miss my wife a little as we listen to that together, but she comes home today yay!) and started putting everything away that I brought with me. Frankly, this was unusual as I used to just leave things and put them away bit by bit over the course of a week. This time, I wanted to maintain my clean home. I did that, organized my nightstand drawer (long overdue), moved things around in the kitchen to make room for the bread box... I even had time and energy to make two syrups for my mocktails! It could have been the motivation to keep the house clean, but I found some inherent satisfaction in the task itself. Normally I do these things while listening to a podcast but now suddenly there was nothing to distract me, to make the task feel second-rate to what I was listening to. I had motivation to clean because I wanted to see a clean home, not because I wanted an excuse to listen to a podcast. And I'm enjoying the silence. I would like to say I'm not against podcasts entirely. They can be informative and provide a source of entertainment. Like anything else though, I think they require moderation and because the medium is relatively new, we haven't really discovered yet the potential downsides of listening too much. I'm finding my mind is growing calmer, less anxious, and my focus is slowly returning. When I stand back, it's difficult to fathom just how much distraction I had fallen into before - and for how long. Years of diverting my attention with YouTube and podcasts. Not that I didn't do any hobbies, but the joy in the hobbies diminished over time and so did their frequency. I feel it returning like a wave gently building. The elimination of these distractions from my life has brought me much good. I'm unsure how, if I ever, I will return to YouTube and podcasts after the 90-day detox. YouTube is necessary for some things, but the freedom I feel away from it has started to become empowering - so much so that I want almost nothing to do with it now. I'm unwilling to let it take from me what I've been building. Gratitude: For no podcasts and silence Why: Once again grateful for this because my mind feels much clearer. I am finding joy in other things and my anxiety about the world and myself is decreasing. For the beautiful sunset Why: The sky faded upwards from a goldenrod yellow to a navy blue, blending against silhouetted trees like a Thomas Kinkaid painting. It made my drive home so pleasant. PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 51) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 2) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 60) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Ate dinner with my parents before returning home. Reading: Read on the couch and in bed. Mocktails: Made orange oleo saccharum and lemon syrup when I arrived home. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Worked on what was important but feel like I am not maintaining the system as well as I used to, so going to try and clean that up today. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: In bed before midnight, finished part of my nighttime routine, and read in bed. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Giving myself 5 stars because I did not expect to do anything when I came home, but I unpacked everything I brought with me (I often used to leave stuff sitting for a couple days before finally putting everything away), cleaned and reorganized my nightstand drawer, and rearranged things in the kitchen to make room for the new bread box. I even still had time to make my syrups and read! So, while I didn't "clean" something per say, I would count everything I did as over and above what I normally would and needed to do. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Not scoring Description: Didn't eat much. When I weighed myself this morning, I had lost some weight as I expected. Might be partially water weight, but I definitely didn't eat enough while at my parents'. Wasn't for lack of food, but I guess being out of my routine at home. Plan: Continue current behavior. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise Edited October 13, 2023 by FDRx7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikar Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 On 10/11/2023 at 2:08 PM, FDRx7 said: I know, it's terrible... HR figuratively has the power of life and death in its hands. When it is done well, it makes a company very strong and people want to stay. When it is done poorly, employee motivation decreases and overall output becomes worse. I think that's where I'm at now... demotivated by how work is assigned, what work you are required to do... the company does a poor job of rewarding so it doesn't make me motivated to work harder. Only to do my best in order to keep the job. Yes, that's also the advantage of being self-employed; I don't really have to deal with people that make my job more difficult. I basically only meet my students and new people at networkings to have new students. There are of course intermediary steps; I think very few people have just started out as self-employed/business owners, I think everybody has some "normal" employment experience. On 10/11/2023 at 2:44 PM, FDRx7 said: Today (yesterday, I never know which perspective to write from) was pretty great. I was able to get one of my cars transferred to my name, registered, and over to my favorite shop to be inspected. My mother was a great help to me in getting this done. It was a huge stress relief to get this completed because every time I visited my parents, I would feel stress looking at my cars that I couldn't move due to registration and inspection since I needed them in my name. I consider myself to be someone who cares for his things and looking at them stuck in the driveway created this great conflict within me about myself. Only one more to go, but I feel so much lighter now. I can imagine it feels great to have this out of the way, good work 😄 On 10/12/2023 at 2:16 PM, FDRx7 said: I read a little bit online looking for people who have completely quit podcasts, but they seem to be few and far between. Podcasts appear to be like YouTube: many people consume it without a second thought as to how it might be affecting them or how much time they are spending with them. Afterall, it's educational. How could it be bad? There was only one that I found who quit for good. Everyone else said, "I tried quitting and here's what I found out." What they found out is that they experienced positive changes but could go no more than usually 30 days and jumped right back in saying things like, "This time I'll be more mindful," but I have no evidence that they did that. Not exactly inspirational. I intend to see this through and record how I feel after removing most of this from my life. I may return to one or two podcasts, but I think I want the majority to be out. We live in a constant state of noise and stimulation, and I don't think having podcasts on all the time is helping. What are we even doing with all that information anyways? There's this idea that Manson described quite nicely - attention is more important than information nowadays. Information itself has mostly turned into entertainment or a hobby. I know a lot of things about modern history, but it doesn't automatically make me an expert, because anybody else can look up what I know in a matter of seconds. But I can understand how hard it is for older people; TV in their 20s-30s could've been an avenue to knowledge, whereas today in their 70s it's really largely entertainment to pass time. There's nothing wrong with passing time, but I understand it can be difficult to distinguish it from actually learning something useful, especially in podcasts. Who knows, if there are Game Quitters, there could be a community called Podcast Quitters in the future too 😄 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 On 10/13/2023 at 10:36 AM, Ikar said: attention is more important than information nowadays. Information itself has mostly turned into entertainment or a hobby. I know a lot of things about modern history, but it doesn't automatically make me an expert, because anybody else can look up what I know in a matter of seconds. Thanks for the article! I started it, it seems interesting. I think what you've said here goes back to something @Cam Adair said in a video about turning from Consumer to Creator. There is so much information that can be obtained and stored, but what are we doing with that from day to day? Or how are you taking that information and creating something new with it, even if that is just a new analysis through synthetization? Again, I don't think podcasts as a medium are bad but just like anything else (videos, articles online, etc.) we should be discerning about how much we listen, what we listen to, and what we do with it. Entertainment is also fine, but you make a good point about the line blurring between information and entertainment. On 10/13/2023 at 10:36 AM, Ikar said: There's nothing wrong with passing time, but I understand it can be difficult to distinguish it from actually learning something useful, especially in podcasts. Podcasts seem like an especially ripe medium for deceiving you into believing you are learning when in reality you retain very little because it is so passive. I listened to this podcast on Lyme disease once and the only things I remember are that it can lay dormant in the body (already knew that) and that the organism is called a spyrochaete (and I only remember that because it sounds like parakeet). What was I doing during that time? Driving, a 5-hour trip. You'd think I would remember more when only driving but when listening to hours of content, the brain just checks out in terms of retention. So, after this long car ride, if I've listened to 5 hours of podcasts, I might think I have 5 hours of information, but I might only remember 2%. It was really just a distraction of noise, like a passenger talking to you for the whole ride. But the brain does not distinguish, and the attention reserve is drained. Day to day when I would walk around with podcasts in my ear only half paying attention, I wasn't learning. I was entertained and distracted yet fatigued because my brain was constantly switching where my attention was going (see multi-tasking, where you aren't multitasking, just rapidly switching focus between stimuli). I was inspired to drive in silence because my therapist said something that resonated with me. She said, "I love driving in silence because it is the only thing I'm doing and no one else is telling me what to think or how to feel. It's my time to be in control of my own mind." We agreed that music is fine too, as that is a different experience for me. But listening to someone speak at me every waking moment of my day was affecting me, whether I realized it or not. Now, I'm endeavoring to make this protected time for music or silence. On 10/13/2023 at 10:36 AM, Ikar said: Who knows, if there are Game Quitters, there could be a community called Podcast Quitters in the future too 😄 Haha maybe! I don't want people to be afraid of podcasts as I know there are good ones out there that truly help people, and in moderation can be a great source of entertainment and learning (I enjoyed the Game Quitters podcasts, for example). What I'm finding as I read articles about them is that people who listen to podcasts for hours on end are treating them like something to be binged. You hear this term especially in true crime podcasts. There seems to be a feeling of self-aware indifference towards constantly listening. It's a habit that we would now consider unhealthy when placed in the context of gaming or Netflix, but somehow is allowed to go free when it comes to podcasts. In my case, it was about distracting me from my inner thoughts and self-reflection, or simply because I had this feeling I needed to be entertained every second of the day. I read a few articles by folks who listen to a lot of true crime, and they joked about how it makes you paranoid to be home alone or that you have to be vigilant everywhere you go so you don't get kidnapped. While being vigilant is always important, what was life like for them before these podcasts? Was the world nearly as dangerous and frightening? It truly does affect your worldview over time which is why I think we should be discerning about what and how much of our attention we give to things. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 (edited) Day 38 - Friday (yesterday) Summary: Nice day yesterday. Glad that my wife is home now. We were able to spend some time together, though it was late in the evening when her plane landed. I did a good job of filling the void, engaging in quite a few activities. I encountered a specific void yesterday that hasn't been filled yet: eating pizza and watching a TV show/movie/YouTube. Since I am not streaming anything right now, I wanted to enjoy something while eating my pizza. I decided to throw on an audio reading of Robert Bloch's "The Creeper in the Crypt". I haven't read any of his stories, so this was my first introduction. It was a really pleasant experience! The story was great for this spooky season, and it felt like an excellent way to enjoy what I was eating while also replacing a former behavior with something that uses my imagination. I'm not walking around the house listening to audiobooks, either. This was a dedicated listening session in my living room through the speakers connected to my record player. I think it's something I'll do more often when I have that itch to just watch TV. Gratitude: For the audio reading of "Creeper in the Crypt" Why: I was able to discover a new author and felt good about how I spent my time. I was able to use my imagination, enjoy my food, and scratch the entertainment itch. I really enjoyed it! For my wife's safe arrival Why: I was very glad to see my wife arrive safely, especially after the long delays she experienced. It brought warmth to my heart to see her again and spend time together in the living room, chatting about her time away. PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 52) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 3) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 61) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Made a few mocktails with new ingredients. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Spent time with my wife upon returning home. Reading: Read on the couch and in bed. Listened to reading of "The Creeper in the Crypt". Mocktails: Made a new mocktail with new verjus that I ordered. The drink was good but still a bit sweet for my taste. I'll have to play with them until I find the right balance for my palate. Walked the dog Exercise: Lower Body B Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Worked on important tasks and was able to clean up the list a bit. I'll need to do my weekly review, probably tomorrow. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Giving myself leeway here because it's the weekend but also because my wife's flight was greatly delayed. I wasn't able to pick her up until 11pm. I still did my nighttime routine (except stretching), journaled, and read in bed. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Cleaned the bathroom sinks, swept the foyer, tidied up as I went around the house. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Scoring soon. Description: Again, had trouble eating. Probably out of my routine from being at my parents' all week. I think I'm going to start scoring this somehow starting tomorrow or Monday. I don't think I'm making as much progress because I'm not scoring it like the other habits, so the accountability isn't there. Plan: Will begin scoring in a couple days once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise Edited October 14, 2023 by FDRx7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikar Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 59 minutes ago, FDRx7 said: I was inspired to drive in silence because my therapist said something that resonated with me. She said, "I love driving in silence because it is the only thing I'm doing and no one else is telling me what to think or how to feel. It's my time to be in control of my own mind." We agreed that music is fine too, as that is a different experience for me. But listening to someone speak at me every waking moment of my day was affecting me, whether I realized it or not. Now, I'm endeavoring to make this protected time for music or silence. It's interesting, because I normally drive in silence too. I drove 2x40 minutes today with my girlfriend and her sister and since we were talking during the ride, nobody even thought about turning the radio on. The only incentive I ever have to turn it on is when I'm curious about discovering some new song or perhaps to remind myself of some song that I'd forgotten. 1 hour ago, FDRx7 said: I was entertained and distracted yet fatigued because my brain was constantly switching where my attention was going (see multi-tasking, where you aren't multitasking, just rapidly switching focus between stimuli). ... In my case, it was about distracting me from my inner thoughts and self-reflection, or simply because I had this feeling I needed to be entertained every second of the day. I guess I am quite happy that I really do tasks one by one. I'm really unable to listen to podcasts because I want to pay full attention to the thing that I do. In which case, I'd rather watch a video, because I also get visual input together with it. It also makes it easier to stop and say "OK, I watched this video for 20 minutes and it was OK to relax. Now, what do I do next?" It's much easier to segment the day and decide on going outside for a walk, for example. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 @Ikar Yeah, your response makes sense and I’m glad you’re able to focus on one thing at a time. I’m actively moving away from this multi-tasking and trying to so the same as you. I guess everyone has different stimuli that can become problematic. For some it’s video games. For me, it was a lot of distraction and passive entertainment. Interesting to see the differences across people, especially here on Game Quitters where people are looking to be more mindful about these things. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 15, 2023 Author Share Posted October 15, 2023 Day 39 - Saturday (yesterday) Summary: Went to my friend's wedding yesterday. It was a beautiful Autumn wedding held in an old church, with the reception in a barn. It was such a pleasant experience. Since I only have 28 days left of no alcohol, I continued to abstain. I had a deeper conversation with a close friend about my 90-day journey. He emphatically agreed about the way we are distracted in society and agreed that people underestimate the fatigue caused by listening to too many podcasts (he's experienced the feeling himself). He was very supportive of the journey and is interested to hear how it goes. I'm proud of myself for what I did when I returned home. Though it was very late, I was intent on leaving the kitchen the way I'd like to find it in the morning. I also wanted to continue my habit of cleaning two things a day, big or small. So, I put as many dishes as I could in the dishwasher (we had to leave quickly for the wedding earlier); cleaned the cooktop, drying rack, and sink; and washed any remaining dishes by hand. I even took time to complete my journal and do my nighttime routine before heading to bed. I know it made my wife very happy to wake up to a clean kitchen - and me too. Gratitude: My friend's wedding, grateful that we were invited to celebrate The nice conversations I had at the wedding with my friends Waking up to a nice clean kitchen The small joy of a warm cup of coffee The beauty of Autumn and all that it brings with harvest fests, pumpkins, and apple cider PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 53) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 4) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 62) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Had alternative drinks at the wedding (apple cider, sparkling grape juice, etc.). Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Attended my friend's wedding. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: No data Description: Spent all day at the wedding so this didn't really apply. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Got home late from the wedding but completed my nighttime routine and read in bed before falling asleep quite quickly. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Even though it was late after the wedding, I still cleaned the cooktop, the kitchen sink, the dish drying rack, and put all the dishes in the dishwasher. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Scoring soon. Description: A bit of a different day with the wedding, so not much to report here. Plan: Will begin scoring in a couple days once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 (edited) Day 40 - Sunday (yesterday) Summary: Had a great day out with my wife yesterday. We did quite a few things for Fall: going to a pumpkin farm; grabbing some pumpkins, gourds, and hay for the house; and picking up a few more decorations. I was really in the spirit of the season after all that. I came home and made an apple-based mocktail and had some cider while we read by the fire. Don't have too much else to update. I started my day frustrated because I checked to see if any meetings had been put on the calendar by the client who is ahead of my time zone. I discovered that within my own company, there are discussions I am not a part of to entirely change something I've been working on with a manager for a long time. This company is not run well and each of these types of incidents reinforces why I want to leave. I'm not sure if we'll be able to resolve this or if the decision has been made. Though, I'm not going to allow myself to be that invested. I've already given a lot of myself to this company and I'm doing that. I can't care that much because they really don't care that much about me. I do hope I am able to get this other job and get out... Gratitude: For the nice day I spent with my wife yesterday doing all kinds of things for Fall and Halloween For the warm fire while reading For a cozy bed when I was ready to turn in PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 54) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 5) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 63) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Had alternative drinks at the wedding (apple cider, sparkling grape juice, etc.). Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Spent the day out with my wife. Mocktails: Tried a new recipe and really liked it! Reading: Read a few different books on the couch in the evening. Read my novel in bed. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: No data Description: Spending most of the day out with my wife, this wasn't really something to track. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Got ready for bed starting around 10:30. Completed my nighttime routine. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Tidied up (ex. putting things away in a location I was headed to) and cleaned another part of the cooktop that needed a bit more detailed TLC. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Scoring soon. Description: Ate very light today aside from a nice brunch. Plan: Will begin scoring in a couple days once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise Edited October 16, 2023 by FDRx7 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 17, 2023 Author Share Posted October 17, 2023 Day 41 - Monday (yesterday) Summary: Yesterday was not a good day, though most of it looks okay on paper. I was tired for some reason the entire day, and very irritable. I had this feeling that nothing I did at work mattered, that I don't provide any value to my client... just a miasma of doubt, anger, and exhaustion. I couldn't focus at all. Even 30-minute stints were at the very brink of what I could manage. I wanted to chalk this up to it being a Monday, but I don't experience this at the start of every week. I haven't felt this way in a while. It was utterly debilitating. The longer I stayed in the fog, the worse it got and the worse it made me feel about myself. I tried to rectify it by pushing through but that only got me so far. I suppose I should be thankful that most of my habits remained intact. I had a very strong urge to listen to a podcast to relieve stress but chose not to. I did look at some articles on the internet to dissipate that stress, but they weren't super helpful. I could have done better managing that stress in other ways, but I think there was something going on in my head that was difficult to wrangle. I seem to be feeling better today. I have no idea what it was. Perhaps I didn't get a good rest. Maybe it was because I switched my alarm wake interval from 5:45-6:15 wakeup to 6:00-6:30. It could have been starting my day with the frustrating news I wrote about yesterday. Not sure, but I'm hoping today will be much better, that I'll carry some momentum forward and have a successful day today. Gratitude: For a new day and a chance to start over For my wife who lifted my spirits yesterday when she returned home, despite her also having a stressful day Most of my habits remained intact despite the day I had PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 55) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 6) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 64) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Made another new mocktail last night and it was awesome. Marking it as a winner! Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Ate dinner with my wife and chatted Mocktails: Tried another new recipe and really liked it! Reading: Read an M.R. James story on the couch. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★☆☆☆ Description: Did not do well on this today. Had a very hard time focusing and putting forth a consistent effort. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Got ready for bed starting around 10:15. Completed my nighttime routine. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Tidied up but did not specifically clean any items. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Scoring soon. Description: Barely ate anything until dinnertime, which was definitely not good for me. Plan: Will begin scoring in a couple days once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 18, 2023 Author Share Posted October 18, 2023 Day 42 - Tuesday (yesterday) Summary: Another tough day during the latter half. I think I'm feeling very directionless at work. I've been put on this project by myself and over the course of my time at this company, have received very little oversight from management. I'm usually left to just figure it out on my own and, even if I do reach out for help, half the time I spend is just explaining context because the person isn't on the ground with me. I'm growing tired of it and really in need of a change. I hope to hear back from the job I applied to soon. The waiting is killing me... it is still within the window of their 1–to-2-week response time, so I'll just need to continue being patient. It has certainly been distracting, even just in the back of my mind. I need to be better about leaving my phone downstairs so I don't incessantly refresh my email, looking for that response. Once work was over, things were a little better. I'm always cheered up by my wife, and taking the dog for a walk together was good for my spirits. Still, even on that walk I had trouble shutting out my anxiety about work. I have this impending sense of doom that I'm not doing something right or I'm missing something, and it will suddenly come back to bite me out of nowhere. I suppose I'm caring a little too much. At the very least, my work ethic is enough to push me to care about doing a good job, but the lack of clarity on my role and responsibilities is making me increasingly trepidatious. I'll endeavor today to return to the basic frameworks I have at my disposal to try to progress on a few fronts. Gratitude: Yet another day to begin again; each day provides new opportunities for me to change things for the better. For my wife, my dog, and my cozy home providing me with a sense of safety and comfort. For pushing to sustain my habits despite what feels like a downturn in my mental outlook lately. PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 56) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 7) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 65) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Made another new mocktail last night. Very simple but quite good. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed! Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Ate dinner with my wife and chatted. Mocktails: Made another new mocktail. Reading: Read another M.R. James story on the couch. Took the dog for a walk. Exercise: Lower Body A. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Had a better time focusing and spent most of the day working on a task I've needed to complete for a while. Still had some difficulty staying on task due to feelings about purpose. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Got ready for bed starting around 11 because I wrote an extra-long journal entry. Completed my nighttime routine and read in bed, though I read for a long time. I may need to try to start timing how long I read for and then wean myself off until I lay in bed and go to sleep. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Read your novel in bed. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Tidied up, washed a bunch of the dog's bedding, and steam cleaned the bench she sits on. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Ate breakfast, made some peanut butter protein balls for an easy snack, had a protein shake, and ate a good dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 20, 2023 Author Share Posted October 20, 2023 (edited) Day 43 - Wednesday (yesterday) Summary: Quick entry for yesterday because it's late again... at least I've been staying up too late doing healthy activities like reading. I looked up how to build a better fire in my fireplace to let it burn longer with less tending. After a relative success, it burned for a while. I was so happy with it that I stayed watching it all night with my book and fell asleep. While I didn't do my nightly routine, it definitely was a cozy evening. Gratitude: For building a really nice fire that lasted a long time A relaxing evening with my wife Temperate Fall weather that made for a pleasant walk with my wife and the dog PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 57) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 8 ) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 66) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Missed journaling yesterday because I fell asleep on the couch. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Ate dinner with my wife and chatted. Reading: Read another M.R. James story on the couch. Took the dog for a walk. Exercise: Upper Body A. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Same as Tuesday, not a bad day working on things. This habit is hard to quantify though. I think I'm going to make a change starting Friday to track pomodoros instead, as the real culprit seems to be making sure I'm focused and working. Plan: Focus on staying close to your next actions list. Consistently working from this is going to help you stay on track. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★☆☆☆☆ Description: Fell asleep on the couch near the fire. Didn't do my nightly routine. Falling asleep near the fire isn't the worst thing in the world though, hence my 1 star. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Tidied up, cleaned most of the bathroom counter and accompanying items. Counting as two items because it was a lot more work than I thought. In the future, I may need to split up that task into pieces on the list. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Ate breakfast, peanut butter protein balls as a snack, had a protein shake, and ate another good dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise Edited October 20, 2023 by FDRx7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 20, 2023 Author Share Posted October 20, 2023 Day 44 - Thursday (yesterday) Summary: Yesterday was a pretty good day. I built another good fire which encouraged me to read for a while. I did have a creeping thought yesterday that perhaps I have taken away some happiness in life. I was thinking back on some of the podcasts I used to listen to and wondering, am I being to hard on myself? Is this too strict? However, last night I read close to 60 pages in a novel, completely uninterrupted and not distracted. It's the first time I've done that in years. It felt so good and I was totally engrossed in the story. I think I can feel my imagination growing stronger again; reading was initially frustrating because my imagination had atrophied from lack of use. So no, I'm not being too strict. Every time I make one of these choices, my life gets better. The doubt comes knocking every now and then but that's the old habits trying to steal away the joyful life I'm rebuilding. I really don't need YouTube, and now I've realized how little I actually needed those podcasts. Life feels simpler with less noise (excluding music as I've said before, I love music and there are many ways to enjoy it). I will not stop now. I will keep clawing back my attention, my focus, my life. Gratitude: For the peace of a life less complicated by excessive noise and outside influences For my sustained reading last night For a new way to track next actions (pomodoros) and regain my ability to sustain focus PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 58 ) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 9) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 67) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Completed. Very long entry. Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Ate dinner with my wife and chatted. Reading: Read a novel for a very long time on the couch. Exercise: Lower Body B. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Next Actions List: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: This was okay. Could have been better, but I think a lot of it had to do with focus. I am changing this one to pomodoros now, as performing next actions appears to be more of a lag measure rather than a lead; focusing intently leads to the right actions being taken. Plan: In tomorrow's entry (but starting to track today), will change this to pomodoros. I will start by setting a goal of 8. The stars correspond as follows (star - pomodoros complete): 1 - 0; 2 - 2; 3 - 4; 4 - 6; 5 - 8. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I may choose to count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. I'll start by not counting meetings and see how it goes. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Stayed up too late, but at least it was because i was reading. Completed only a part of my nightly routine. Did go to bed and put my head on the pillow to try and get used to falling asleep right away. Didn't take to long to fall asleep. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Tidied up, finished cleaning the bathroom counter and accompanying items. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Ate breakfast, a snack during the day, not much for lunch, and ate another good dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikar Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 On 10/18/2023 at 2:35 PM, FDRx7 said: Another tough day during the latter half. I think I'm feeling very directionless at work. I've been put on this project by myself and over the course of my time at this company, have received very little oversight from management. I'm usually left to just figure it out on my own and, even if I do reach out for help, half the time I spend is just explaining context because the person isn't on the ground with me. I'm growing tired of it and really in need of a change. I hope to hear back from the job I applied to soon. The waiting is killing me... it is still within the window of their 1–to-2-week response time, so I'll just need to continue being patient. It has certainly been distracting, even just in the back of my mind. I need to be better about leaving my phone downstairs so I don't incessantly refresh my email, looking for that response. Once work was over, things were a little better. I'm always cheered up by my wife, and taking the dog for a walk together was good for my spirits. Still, even on that walk I had trouble shutting out my anxiety about work. I have this impending sense of doom that I'm not doing something right or I'm missing something, and it will suddenly come back to bite me out of nowhere. I suppose I'm caring a little too much. At the very least, my work ethic is enough to push me to care about doing a good job, but the lack of clarity on my role and responsibilities is making me increasingly trepidatious. I'll endeavor today to return to the basic frameworks I have at my disposal to try to progress on a few fronts. I hope the response you'll get will be positive! It does seem you're really ready for a change. What are your thoughts/plans if the response isn't positive? 3 hours ago, FDRx7 said: So no, I'm not being too strict. Every time I make one of these choices, my life gets better. The doubt comes knocking every now and then but that's the old habits trying to steal away the joyful life I'm rebuilding. I really don't need YouTube, and now I've realized how little I actually needed those podcasts. Life feels simpler with less noise (excluding music as I've said before, I love music and there are many ways to enjoy it). I will not stop now. I will keep clawing back my attention, my focus, my life. When I confided to my girlfriend with my porn habit for the first time, she innocently replied: "And what's the harm in that? People watch porn, I've done it too." I told her that the harm isn't just spending 30 minutes every other day doing a particular activity. Having two hours a week more or less never killed anybody, though I know it sounds funny. The main problem is that I consider something a problem. It's rather uneasy to live with a problem once it comes up, especially if you can influence it. I know the damage is much more far reaching than those two hours. Now she sees things differently. She understood that this thing influences my well-being, as well as my ability to be intimate with her/my sex drive. - As for distractions, I'm always anxious when it seems that my day is passing by in a blur. I made a subconscious habit of marking/checking my (I use Google) calendar for things to do. It definitely enhanced my ability to just stop for a moment and think about the best way forward in my day. My minimum resolution time is 30 minutes and all the various activities have their own color. I think it's still the best to plan a day ahead for bigger/important activities that shouldn't be missed, on the other hand this flexible planning/freedom of choice lets me segment my day: if I want to work for an hour, I can; if I want to relax for the next half an hour, I can. I really think this is the way to prevent either burnout or sloth. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 54 minutes ago, Ikar said: Another tough day during the latter half. I think I'm feeling very directionless at work. I've been put on this project by myself and over the course of my time at this company, have received very little oversight from management. I'm usually left to just figure it out on my own and, even if I do reach out for help, half the time I spend is just explaining context because the person isn't on the ground with me. I'm growing tired of it and really in need of a change. I hope to hear back from the job I applied to soon. The waiting is killing me... it is still within the window of their 1–to-2-week response time, so I'll just need to continue being patient. It has certainly been distracting, even just in the back of my mind. I need to be better about leaving my phone downstairs so I don't incessantly refresh my email, looking for that response. Once work was over, things were a little better. I'm always cheered up by my wife, and taking the dog for a walk together was good for my spirits. Still, even on that walk I had trouble shutting out my anxiety about work. I have this impending sense of doom that I'm not doing something right or I'm missing something, and it will suddenly come back to bite me out of nowhere. I suppose I'm caring a little too much. At the very least, my work ethic is enough to push me to care about doing a good job, but the lack of clarity on my role and responsibilities is making me increasingly trepidatious. I'll endeavor today to return to the basic frameworks I have at my disposal to try to progress on a few fronts. I think you need to make this a priority to fix. After reading your diary and seeing the format you use, you clearly crave a structured environment with fluid communication. So you're not overthinking it. I think if it doesn't get better, you should look for another job if that's possible. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 21, 2023 Author Share Posted October 21, 2023 (edited) Day 45 - Friday (yesterday) Summary: @BooksandTrees @Ikar I would like to respond to you both, just running a little short on time this morning but will when I can! Quick celebration: yesterday was DAY 45! Halfway there. Short summary because we are hosting a Murder Mystery Night this evening and I need to prepare things. Decent day yesterday, though my bedtime is slipping a little bit. I might try getting ready earlier and then reading so that when I'm really tired, I can just get in bed. The pomodoros were a great switch. I felt so much better at work, so much more productive and focused. I'll continue tracking these. Gratitude: For the fun outing with my wife yesterday For better focus and productivity at work PROGRESS UPDATES: Note: Bold purple text indicates a new change to a plan. Habits to Kick: YouTube (Day 59) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: No changes needed but continue to fill the void, and with activities from hobbies list. Excessive Streaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not watch. Plan: Continue current behavior. Find new ways to spend time when you need passive entertainment. Add a tag to your task list to filter for those. No Podcast Listening (Day 10) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not listen. Plan: For the rest of the 90 days, I will not listen to any podcasts. I may even try to make this its own one-off 90-day journey, even after the main one is complete. If I need background, I can put on light jazz or Brain.FM while working. Be aware of the physical and emotional sensation and name it when you feel stressed. Excessive Gaming: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue current behavior. Set a time limit if you do play by yourself (1-2 hours). If with friends, keep it only to a Friday or Saturday and do your best to log off at a reasonable hour. Excessive Drinking (Day 68) : Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not drink alcohol. Plan: Continue current behavior. Habits to Start: I will add to this as I determine new habits and their action plans. Journal (physical journal): Adherence: ☆☆☆☆☆ Description: Didn't complete. Fell asleep early again... Plan: I will continue to journal before getting ready for bed. Game Quitters Journal: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Filling it out now. Plan: Continue filling out journal each day. Doesn't seem to matter if it's the same day or the next, as long as each day is entered. Healthy Ways to Fill the Void: Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Relationships: Spent a nice afternoon with my wife at the tea shop and grabbing some candy for the party tonight. Reading: Read more spooky stories from M.R. James. Mocktails: Prepared orange oleo saccharum for the party. Purchased pineapple as I need to make more pineapple syrup today. Plan: Continue routine and choose activities. Reading is good, but also being comfortable doing nothing while listening to music (or just sitting) is fine too. Plan activities for when you have low energy. Pomodoros: Adherence: ★★★★☆ Description: Got 7 done. This was an amazing shift. I felt so much better about my work and what I was getting done simply by ensuring I was truly focused during each of those blocks. Plan: I will start by setting a goal of 8. I adjusted the scoring to encompass a range of completion. A perfect score is 8 pomodoros or more. The stars correspond as follows (star: pomodoros complete): 1: 1-2; 2: 3-4; 3: 5-6; 4: 7; 5: 8+. Each pomodoro will be 25 minutes. Some days are more meeting-heavy than others, so I will count meetings as well where the intent is to focus only on the meeting and taking notes. No multi-tasking. Consistent Bedtime: Adherence: ★★☆☆☆ Description: Fell asleep on the couch again reading... again, not the worst thing in the world but it keeps me from a consistent bedtime and nightly routine. I'll try to do better with setting a timer. The other option is to get ready for bed earlier and then read, so that if I'm really tired, I can just get up and go to bed. Plan: Continue to start getting ready for bed at 10pm (or 9:45). This should include your time for journaling. Push back the time as needed. Can always do an internet block on your phone around 10pm with Freedom to keep from browsing. Weekends can have a bit more leeway. Begin to wean off of reading so that you get your body used to just getting in bed and going to sleep. May need to set a time limit on reading. Cleaning Up: Adherence: ★★★☆☆ Description: Did a bunch of tidying up and decorating with my wife but didn't get a chance to clean anything specifically off my list. Plan: 0 stars is nothing was done; 1-3 stars is I cleaned one thing OR tidied up, depending on effort. 4 stars is I cleaned one thing AND tidied up. 5 stars is I cleaned two things AND tidied up. The "thing" cleaned can be big or small, doesn't matter. Eating Schedule: Adherence: Still working on score. Description: Ate breakfast, a snack during the day, a very good lunch, and a good dinner. Plan: Will begin scoring once I establish an adequate scale for assessment. If I can remember to do it, I should try to write out what I plan to eat the next day so that it is predictable. Adjust meals as necessary (type, amount, timing, etc.). If you know you'll be out a while, prepare some things to take with you. List of Hobbies I can choose from: Listening to and/or caring for records Reading Writing (notes from reading, etc.) Working on my cars Socializing Foreign language study Cooking Walking the dog Mocktails Writing on my blog (need to restart) Investing in relationships Exercise Edited October 21, 2023 by FDRx7 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 22, 2023 Author Share Posted October 22, 2023 On 10/20/2023 at 12:22 PM, Ikar said: I hope the response you'll get will be positive! It does seem you're really ready for a change. What are your thoughts/plans if the response isn't positive? I think I'll be alright if it doesn't work out. I'll be disappointed, but there isn't much I can do. I actually think if it doesn't work out again, it will be very telling about the company because, as I mentioned before, this manager has tried to get me in a couple times and various HR issues prevented it. So, if it is prevented by them again, it might be for the best that I don't get in. On 10/20/2023 at 12:22 PM, Ikar said: When I confided to my girlfriend with my porn habit for the first time, she innocently replied: "And what's the harm in that? People watch porn, I've done it too." I told her that the harm isn't just spending 30 minutes every other day doing a particular activity. Having two hours a week more or less never killed anybody, though I know it sounds funny. The main problem is that I consider something a problem. It's rather uneasy to live with a problem once it comes up, especially if you can influence it. I know the damage is much more far reaching than those two hours. Now she sees things differently. She understood that this thing influences my well-being, as well as my ability to be intimate with her/my sex drive. - As for distractions, I'm always anxious when it seems that my day is passing by in a blur. I made a subconscious habit of marking/checking my (I use Google) calendar for things to do. It definitely enhanced my ability to just stop for a moment and think about the best way forward in my day. My minimum resolution time is 30 minutes and all the various activities have their own color. I think it's still the best to plan a day ahead for bigger/important activities that shouldn't be missed, on the other hand this flexible planning/freedom of choice lets me segment my day: if I want to work for an hour, I can; if I want to relax for the next half an hour, I can. I really think this is the way to prevent either burnout or sloth. I think the rigid structure is important for me to establish the habits. Afterwards, I can be more flexible about what happens when. I don't really use the pomodoros outside of work as I'm freer flowing concerning my hobbies. It's really when I need to get things done and must sit down for blocks of time. I do think I should try some form of what you do though because I will write many things in my task list for me to do outside of work and then I forget to check it sometimes which, is the whole point of a list 🙂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDRx7 Posted October 22, 2023 Author Share Posted October 22, 2023 On 10/20/2023 at 1:19 PM, BooksandTrees said: I think you need to make this a priority to fix. After reading your diary and seeing the format you use, you clearly crave a structured environment with fluid communication. So you're not overthinking it. I think if it doesn't get better, you should look for another job if that's possible Sorry in advance for the long response but I'd been thinking about this and what ambiguity and structure mean for me. It was a good thought-provoking comment, I appreciate it. Yes, it's somewhat of a mix. Right now, the journal is very rigid because I feel it's important for me to track and maintain these new habits throughout the 90 days to really get them established and fill the void of old activities. There is some flexibility within each habit of what constitutes success, but I'm always ready to more clearly define a goal if it is possible. I also really enjoy data so for me it's fun to track the progress over time. I may drop some of the extra tracking info after the 90 days, we'll see. I do think keeping track of the individual habits though forces me to do my best to complete them, since I am posting publicly about whether or not they are complete. I may just change those eventually to a simple habit tracker with streaks. The job I'm in has a lot of ambiguity due to the nature of the work, but I also know from my own experiences as well as others that this company has a real problem with understanding how to staff properly and manage their resources. This creates project assignments which are not ideal, sometimes considered "stretch assignments" which usually equates to "work above your level for the same pay and possibly no backup". I have actually been successful here though much of that is because I've had to do a lot of figuring things out on my own. I am proud of that, but it can be very stressful at times. There are certain people I can trust to help me if I really need it and others who are supposed to be experienced that talk in circles when asked for advice; I have to be selective about who I ask for aid. My opinion is that ambiguous situations are ones which require the skillful deployment of structure. There may not be a "right" answer to start, but as you begin taking actions and attempting to apply structure, the situation becomes less nebulous and more manageable. I think Monday and Tuesday I was especially overwhelmed and part of that was venting a bit in my journal. Still, you are correct in that I require a certain level of structure, one I expect from my employer. I expect to know why I'm on a project and what's expected of me, not simply that the person before me couldn't do it and, as I heard from one director, "Let me know what xyz division is like, I'd like to learn more about that." That last one means I'm really in the jungle alone. I am figuring it out and building relationships, but it's difficult. So, the way I see it there are two considerations. The first is to find another job that has better internal structure and processes. I am indeed hoping that if I get this other job, it will be better. It is a long-established company, though sometimes these can be behemoths that cannot get out of their own way. There is no guarantee that any company will have a better procedure, so I'll have to take a risk. The second is to learn better how to deal with the ambiguity because while it isn't necessarily wrong of me to expect an employer to have this figured out, it's clear they are having their own trouble getting that done. I will not get it right now and I don't know when, so it's up to me to define it. I don't care for that, but I also think it's a good opportunity for me to grow. Every job will have some level of ambiguity. If I can figure out how to master it here, I can do it anywhere. An additional thing I've noticed lately... once I started therapy and found a correct medication to manage my anxiety and depression, I have found I've become much more open to taking healthy risks. This includes searching for new jobs and, if given the opportunity, the initiative to them. An older part of me might not because security and familiarity were better than the unknown. My comfort level for this is increasing and requires work still. Each new good risk I take will encourage me to be courageous and handle the fogginess of the future with greater confidence. Thus, I think I will be okay no matter what happens with the job I've been interviewing for. I will learn to make it work. Though, sometimes I'm going to have to vent about it... 😄 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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