On 1/1/2024 at 2:03 AM, Yan said:

I see that a repeating occurrence is that you try to mindfully listen and it doesn't work. I'm also a fan of cutting things out completely because for me it also doesn't work and I believe it is the same for most people. 

On that one, I'd like to say I have continuously been having an Audible yearly membership (two books a month, and I listen to the books currently during meal prep. about 40-60 minutes a day. I love this habit, would you opt for that one? Or would you rather keep the silence completely?

Yeah, just recently I completed 90 days without podcasts. It was good. I brought one back in to listen to during a car ride and it was good. It was more educational and one that I truly enjoyed. I'm seeing now though that there are very few I will actually listen to, so keeping a few around seems fine. But the rest can go. Gone are the days of having a podcast just running in the background. I can't take that noise anymore. 

I used to have Audible and it was good. Only problem is I'm not as proficient at retaining information from audio as in print, so if it's a book I really care about, I will often want to read it anyways. Though, both hearing and reading it could be beneficial.

On 1/1/2024 at 2:03 AM, Yan said:

Considering what I said earlier, I believe it might be a place where you are tricking yourself a bit, especially considering what you wrote regarding the "Not deciding ahead of time how much I should play.
If you haven't decided, how could you tell specifically you're adhering to your plan and how could the graph be flat?
It is possible you've let yourself a bit off the hook here, give it a little thought and see if you need readjusting (Just a thought here, I might be completely wrong of course)

I myself quit cold turkey, but if you want to keep it in some amount here mindfully and set a definite clear boundary, it might work for you. Even when I talked to my brother about games yesterday, I  felt it was distracting our conversation from real more important issues and just an escape from reality, which I would rather not have, even as a fundament for social gatherings. In fact, at my current time in life, I am completely comfortable with omitting about 95% of social encounters, especially because they are surrounded by this sort of "Reality evading activities"

I see what you mean here but the graph is flat because for almost all of those days, I didn't play at all. In fact, I don't think I've played a game in a of couple months - I can't remember the last time I did. Maybe 2 months ago? 

For me, I enjoy games, but they don't have the same draw that watching YouTube does. I mentioned this in a previous post, but video games tend to be more active play, requiring you to engage in some way. Eventually, I grow tired of that. The real danger for me is passive entertainment, where you say to yourself, "I'm tired, so I'm just gonna lay on the couch and watch TV/YouTube/streaming/etc." because there, I can be frozen in time - no action is needed from me, so I never get tired of it until my body just can't stay awake anymore. Streaming seems a bit different than YouTube for some unknown reason, but I still have to be careful. 

I do agree, setting a time limit is helpful when I play, and it has worked for me. It's something that I just don't struggle with as much as passive entertainment - probably also because the games I play are not traditionally addictive. I don't touch those other ones (and have no desire to).

On 1/1/2024 at 2:03 AM, Yan said:

Just as gaming -This is a pain-avoiding activity. Instead of "Improving upon pain" activity (I've gathered these terms from MArk manson's books. Either The subtle art of not giving a fu** or Everything is fu**ed
I see you understand this and are already fighting, but again I'd opt for not doing this at all. 
(But I guess for me it's easy to say since I never dropped into this habit in the first place. The most I drank was 3 cups of wine I think, and in total, maybe I drank alcohol 3-5 times in my life, including beer. (I'm 25 btw)

Yeah, I'm still working on this and deciding what to do. I may still have beer but I'm finding past one drink of a cocktail or wine, it starts to affect my mood and motivation the next day. Beer doesn't seem to do this, so I think it might be a question of the alcohol content. I haven't really touched my liquor cabinet since my 90 days ended. Maybe 4 times total? So, the 90 days definitely changed my level of desire for it. I'm even thinking of selling my bottles to some friends. Not sure yet though. I like to provide drinks for guests, but I hardly make cocktails for myself anymore.

 

Thank you for reading through and providing your comments, I really appreciate it!

15 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

I'm even thinking of selling my bottles to some friends.

If you're aking me, go for it! Your friends could do without beers when they come to your place, and hopefully eventually when they come to their place too 🙂 At least at the great majority of time

On 1/9/2024 at 2:59 PM, FDRx7 said:

I was doing pretty good with my exercise, but yesterday morning and today, I woke up with no desire to do it. The feeling I had in my mind was, "I'm burned out." However, I've only been back to consistently doing it for maybe 3 or 4 weeks? So, I'm not sure why I feel that way. Could be just because the last few nights I didn't get great sleep. But my workouts might also be too long, and maybe I'm starting to feel that and get tired. Not sure what to do about it yet, but I know that I should at least listen to what my body is saying and try to figure out why. I must still continue to exercise, that's for sure. But, perhaps I need to change it up a bit.

One of my English students told me that he studies every day and takes a few days break every month or so. Sometimes it's OK to just skip a day or to do something easier (not a workout but a walk around the block for example).

On 1/9/2024 at 3:35 PM, FDRx7 said:

For me, I enjoy games, but they don't have the same draw that watching YouTube does. I mentioned this in a previous post, but video games tend to be more active play, requiring you to engage in some way. Eventually, I grow tired of that. The real danger for me is passive entertainment, where you say to yourself, "I'm tired, so I'm just gonna lay on the couch and watch TV/YouTube/streaming/etc." because there, I can be frozen in time - no action is needed from me, so I never get tired of it until my body just can't stay awake anymore. Streaming seems a bit different than YouTube for some unknown reason, but I still have to be careful. 

I couldn't take sitting for hours on end watching series or documentaries or whatever. It's just incredibly passive and I feel like a giant sloth.

I watch one streamer, but I also had an internal fight myself about it. He originally made videos on YT, but then he swapped to streaming. He usually streams for two hours Monday-Friday and sometimes I have to work during the time anyway, so I can't watch. I hardly ever watch the two hour recording afterwards, because his reactions to (my) comments or of the other chat members between one another in real time are a big pull for me. He's been on Christmas holidays for the last two three weeks or so and I don't crave his streams, so I know it's within my own limits.

On 1/9/2024 at 3:35 PM, FDRx7 said:

Yeah, I'm still working on this and deciding what to do. I may still have beer but I'm finding past one drink of a cocktail or wine, it starts to affect my mood and motivation the next day. Beer doesn't seem to do this, so I think it might be a question of the alcohol content. I haven't really touched my liquor cabinet since my 90 days ended. Maybe 4 times total? So, the 90 days definitely changed my level of desire for it. I'm even thinking of selling my bottles to some friends. Not sure yet though. I like to provide drinks for guests, but I hardly make cocktails for myself anymore.

Good liquor generally makes for a good gift. Unless you have dozens of bottles (or a few exceptionally expensive ones), I think giving out a bottle here and there or using them for cocktails for your friends is better than selling them 😄

Hey all! Been a while. I know I said I was going to continue writing but then didn't...

Things were okay for some time, but have taken a downturn lately. I have actually been YouTube free (as in, no addiction though I will watch the occasional video for something I need, such as instructional content) since starting this journey, which has been awesome. I was continuing to improve my life and even getting some of my routines in place that I've wanted to establish for some time.

Part of what really hurt me was when, in January, my insurance company dropped coverage for the company I was using for therapy. I got another month or so of grace, but ultimately lost both my psychologist and psychiatrist.

On top of this, I am still in the same job and it is making me absolutely miserable. I've been applying to jobs and have not been successful. It's wearing me down. I went through four interviews with one company, who told me they love me and would like to hire me, only they don't have any work to bill me to (thus, they were interviewing to add to their pool of potential hires). That really demoralized me. I would love to just up and quit right now, but my wife has one year left of her residency, so we need the money for rent, etc. If she were done and working, I could potentially quit without something else lined up to protect my mental health. Right now, we don't have that luxury.

I've considered other career paths but it is difficult to find time to pivot while still working full time. I know it can be done, but I need to make the time for it. In the meantime, I've considered an internal move within my company to a different position. This may alleviate some of the pain, as I'd probably be doing something a bit more enjoyable.

There's more to the story, but that's the gist of it. It really harmed my mental health. My depression was at an all-time low over the past 2-3 weeks. I did seek help from my doctor, which was a good move. I'm still working on finding therapists - seems hard to find people with availability. I have done some good things for myself though. I started going to a dietician to support my strength training goals. I see a personal trainer about once a month to keep me on track for the strength training itself. I also started going to physical therapy to correct an issue with my chest that has plagued me since my teens. So these are all wins to celebrate.

I'm back here now because I realized I was really at my best last year when I did my detox and was writing on this forum every day. There is something about coming here to this community, having support, and establishing accountability that really bolstered my efforts. My wife even said that during that time, I was the most "on it" she'd seen.

I'm going to begin journaling again and tracking some key behaviors. It won't be as intense as when I first started, but I really think I need to be here.

I hope everyone's been well and I look forward to catching up on your journeys.

On 5/23/2024 at 3:01 PM, FDRx7 said:

I hope everyone's been well and I look forward to catching up on your journeys.

Welcome back! 😄

Hey all,

I can't believe it's been over a year since I last wrote here. Perhaps I thought I was doing okay and didn't need to return but I'd like to try again. My wife mentioned to me how well I was doing on everything when I was here and reporting to you all.

It isn't that I haven't been able to make some great progress. I think our biggest accomplishment together this year was that we bought a house. We managed to find exactly what we were looking for in about 3 months. I am truly in love with this home and we have made great strides to make it our own. I've done tons of work on it, including a full clean out of the basement (tearing out the carpet and smoothing out the concrete, throwing away old owner's unfinished repair projects, etc.) and the finished the beginnings of a theater room in the attic. I'm proud of what I've been able to accomplish on the house in this short amount of time.

And yet, I've also been backsliding on my old habits. YouTube is slowly creeping in again as I needed to unblock it for something in the past and haven't blocked it again. I'm going to ask my wife to block it again tonight. Reddit was included in that block, so I've found myself wasting time at night just watching videos and reading nonsense on Reddit.

I also let myself begin listening to podcasts again, but the problem has slowly crept back in of just listening to way too much. I can't hear myself think, I can't concentrate.

These three things have been eroding my ability to work on what matters most to me. I'm still at the same job I've been at since I started writing on here. It has only gotten marginally better. The advent of AI has been an unnerving addition to our workplace. I don't trust our CEO when he says he won't replace people with AI; he's lied before. I've tried numerous times to leave, but nothing seems to work out. Granted, I could be applying to more jobs, but everything in corporate seems less appealing by the day. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to feel some purpose in my work, to feel like I'm truly helping people; no more of folks telling me I'm doing a great job at a pointless endeavor.

I've decided that now is a good time to start my own business, something I've been toying with for a while. It was not prudent to do so while my wife was in residency. Now that she's working full time in a great job, we both feel it's safer for me to explore this option. She is very supportive, which is very important and a significant stress reliever. I've been doing some due diligence on the feasibility of the business and working with a mentor. It makes use of skills I had developed prior to corporate and is more hands-on mechanical work. The market is relatively niche as there aren't many people who do the work anymore around my area.

I've set a goal to leave my current job by the end of 2026 at the latest. This means I need to get things going while I'm working there and begin building up the clientele. I want to try and reduce the risk as much as possible rather than just jumping ship immediately. I'm actually very scared as I'm normally very risk averse. I'm afraid I'll make the wrong choice, but I don't want to live my life wondering what if I'd taken the leap. I'm determined to push through the fear, to prove my courage to myself. And if I lose, then there will be other jobs. But I'll know I tried. And if I win, then it will have been even more worth it.

I can't do this if I'm constantly distracted by meaningless content both audibly and visually. So, I'm going to set boundaries here with some goals. I hesitate to call these New Year's Resolutions, as I feel those are made to be broken. Rather, today is just a new day for me to set these goals and change my behavior. I'm going to look back at my old posts when I was doing well and incorporate those goals in my subsequent posts. For now, these are top of mind:

• No YouTube, unless it is specifically to learn a skill (at which point I'll ask my wife to only unblock the the specific tab, not YouTube as a whole). Udemy might be preferable for what I need anyways (circuit board repair).

• No podcasts. I've tried the minimalist approach and it just doesn't work. I end up listening to more and more. If I listen to anything besides music, it'll be an audio book or audio scripture.

• No Reddit. Reddit can be useful so perhaps I can set a time limit on Cold Turkey for 15-20 min a day to research something if needed. But I can also take the YouTube approach of only unblocking the tab for a limited time if I really need something.

• Using Brick daily. I bought the Brick device to block apps and I lock it in a timed safe. It is immensely helpful for stopping bad phone habits.

I'll add more trackers but wanted to start here. I won't be doing all my crazy graphs though, just tracking days/activities. Glad to see some familiar names still posting, it's been a while. I hope to keep up with your journals as well. Thanks and talk to you all soon.

Hi, welcome back!

Sounds like you've been keeping yourself pretty busy! I hope the situation regarding your work gets better over time. It definitely did when I took the jump from employment to self-employment a few years ago. I'm happy to give an opinion, sources or a tip of what's worked for me on some of the more universal stuff.

And yes, I'm still around :D

Hi Ikar!

Great to hear from you. Yes, we've been pretty busy! I think what would be most beneficial to me is to learn from you how you got your first clients and continued that momentum. Thankfully, many of the people I'll be targeting used to be clients of my former boss in that industry (who is also my mentor), so it may help having him on my side there but I may still need to get people to trust using my services.

Also, when did you decide to take the leap? I'd love to get out of this job ASAP, but I am trying to be wise about it...

Edited January 2Jan 2 by FDRx7

I’m sitting here trying to decide what I want to do, such as read a book. I won’t lie, I feel lost without the podcasts. It’s almost as though I’ve lost a friend and it’s all I can think about.

I wonder if I’ll let them back in again at some point or if this is it forever. It’s odd to think about. I don’t know what my end goal is. I’ve done the 90 days before and felt clearer but eventually had those things creep back in. Is there some happy medium between nothing and everything?

Tonight isn’t the night for me to decide that. I think the mission is to sit with the feeding for a bit and then choose something else to fill that void. Trying to stay strong. I guess I was impacted more than I realized.

11 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

Hi Ikar!

Great to hear from you. Yes, we've been pretty busy! I think what would be most beneficial to me is to learn from you how you got your first clients and continued that momentum. Thankfully, many of the people I'll be targeting used to be clients of my former boss in that industry (who is also my mentor), so it may help having him on my side there but I may still need to get people to trust using my services.

Also, when did you decide to take the leap? I'd love to get out of this job ASAP, but I am trying to be wise about it...

I see, in that case, I guess I had "first" clients twice, let me explain:

1) I got most of the initial work back in 2020 and 2021 through agencies (language schools). In this phase, I was testing if I would even like the job. The agency pay was peanuts, but it was a start. I was studying at the university during this time too, so I had something to fall back to.

2) In 2022 and 2023, I started having more students/clients come to me through my website I made back in 2020. There were also people who remembered me through the agency lessons and contacted me later or switched companies and still wanted to have lessons etc. I gradually traded agency courses for my own over time (I remember I even tracked it in my journal). I was still at the uni finishing my degree just in case.

---

That written, the "0th" leap was to leave the job in the army in summer 2018 and absolutely struggle through the rest of the year and first months of 2019, perhaps up until April when I decided to quit gaming and start a journal here. My business is extremely competitive. I was really too naive thinking I'd get a job/lessons easily. I had money saved up and no dependents, so it was OK, but I'd have done it way differently now. It's great you have somebody knowledgeable to help you out, so I hope you won't lose much time doing something that doesn't work or doing nothing at all.

9 hours ago, Ikar said:

That written, the "0th" leap was to leave the job in the army in summer 2018 and absolutely struggle through the rest of the year and first months of 2019, perhaps up until April when I decided to quit gaming and start a journal here.

That's for your comment, it was very helpful to see roughly what you went through.

I'm certainly nervous about struggling, though my attempt will be to ramp up while I'm still working to relieve the stress of only having self-employment. It's good that my wife is working too and that we can afford the mortgage with her job. Still, I worry sometimes about the other expenses, but if I can get it running smoothly while I still have a job, that helps.

Day 1

Well, yesterday wasn't so bad. Though I sat for some time trying to figure out what to do, I eventually figured that if I simply started reading, I would get into the book and forget about my need for podcasts. Sure enough, that worked. I read for hours, almost finishing the book. One negative is that I fell asleep on the couch. I've done this a few nights in a row and it really bothers my wife. She was upset with me this morning about it, as she'd like me to be in bed. She still isn't really talking to me much right now... I've promised to do better but I think the only thing I can do is show her with my actions. I've set an alarm for tonight that ensures I take a picture of something upstairs before it will turn off. This ensures I actually get up and move. I'm determined to be better.

I had a call with my mentor this morning and talked through my proposed business model, including revenue streams, costs, potential pitfalls, etc. He opened my eyes to some other opportunities. He did say that certainly starting your own business is a different ballgame than buying an existing one with established customers. One of the other businesses I had considered purchasing is a bookstore. It isn't too expensive to buy but cash flow is limited. Granted, I could make it more profitable, but I'm not 100% sure if that's what I want to do. Still, it could be a rewarding experience. So I have some things to think about.

Activity Tracker:

Being in bed by 10:30pm: 0 days

No YouTube: 1 day

No Reddit/unnecessary browsing: 0 days

No Podcasts: 1 day

Waking up by 6:00am: 0 days

11 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

That's for your comment, it was very helpful to see roughly what you went through.

I'm certainly nervous about struggling, though my attempt will be to ramp up while I'm still working to relieve the stress of only having self-employment. It's good that my wife is working too and that we can afford the mortgage with her job. Still, I worry sometimes about the other expenses, but if I can get it running smoothly while I still have a job, that helps.

If you want a low-commitment starting point, I linked a newsletter about freelancing below. I think they send it out every month and there is always a list of interesting articles. I'm also sure you'll have a few interesting events and organizations in your area to help you out at the start too. Do you actually have the possibility to reduce your workload for your employer? I'm asking, because I think it's extremely difficult to run two jobs at the same time.

World-class freelance news and insights from Freelancing....

We monitor countless quality sources on freelancing and choose only the best content to save your time. Subscribe to our monthly Freeletter with a curated selection of world-class freelance news and s

11 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

Day 1

Well, yesterday wasn't so bad. Though I sat for some time trying to figure out what to do, I eventually figured that if I simply started reading, I would get into the book and forget about my need for podcasts. Sure enough, that worked. I read for hours, almost finishing the book. One negative is that I fell asleep on the couch. I've done this a few nights in a row and it really bothers my wife. She was upset with me this morning about it, as she'd like me to be in bed. She still isn't really talking to me much right now... I've promised to do better but I think the only thing I can do is show her with my actions. I've set an alarm for tonight that ensures I take a picture of something upstairs before it will turn off. This ensures I actually get up and move. I'm determined to be better.

I had a call with my mentor this morning and talked through my proposed business model, including revenue streams, costs, potential pitfalls, etc. He opened my eyes to some other opportunities. He did say that certainly starting your own business is a different ballgame than buying an existing one with established customers. One of the other businesses I had considered purchasing is a bookstore. It isn't too expensive to buy but cash flow is limited. Granted, I could make it more profitable, but I'm not 100% sure if that's what I want to do. Still, it could be a rewarding experience. So I have some things to think about.

Activity Tracker:

Being in bed by 10:30pm: 0 days

No YouTube: 1 day

No Reddit/unnecessary browsing: 0 days

No Podcasts: 1 day

Waking up by 6:00am: 0 days

I have to write that it's nice that your wife cares about sleeping next to you :D

Anyway, I'm sorry, but I probably missed something. I thought you wanted to get into circuit board repairs as a freelancer. I actually know nothing about building a business with other people. The thought of becoming a manager or a CEO never really appealed to me, but it might change in the future. I just built a job around doing something I liked :D

What is the best alternative activity to internet for you?

Really liking this journal @FDRx7 , I love the passion you have for starting up your own business too, you seem like a very driven person. Looking forward to more updates 👍