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Ending My YouTube Addiction


FDRx7

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On 1/1/2024 at 2:03 AM, Yan said:

I see that a repeating occurrence is that you try to mindfully listen and it doesn't work. I'm also a fan of cutting things out completely because for me it also doesn't work and I believe it is the same for most people. 

On that one, I'd like to say I have continuously been having an Audible yearly membership (two books a month, and I listen to the books currently during meal prep. about 40-60 minutes a day. I love this habit, would you opt for that one? Or would you rather keep the silence completely?

Yeah, just recently I completed 90 days without podcasts. It was good. I brought one back in to listen to during a car ride and it was good. It was more educational and one that I truly enjoyed. I'm seeing now though that there are very few I will actually listen to, so keeping a few around seems fine. But the rest can go. Gone are the days of having a podcast just running in the background. I can't take that noise anymore. 

I used to have Audible and it was good. Only problem is I'm not as proficient at retaining information from audio as in print, so if it's a book I really care about, I will often want to read it anyways. Though, both hearing and reading it could be beneficial.

On 1/1/2024 at 2:03 AM, Yan said:

Considering what I said earlier, I believe it might be a place where you are tricking yourself a bit, especially considering what you wrote regarding the "Not deciding ahead of time how much I should play.
If you haven't decided, how could you tell specifically you're adhering to your plan and how could the graph be flat?
It is possible you've let yourself a bit off the hook here, give it a little thought and see if you need readjusting (Just a thought here, I might be completely wrong of course)

I myself quit cold turkey, but if you want to keep it in some amount here mindfully and set a definite clear boundary, it might work for you. Even when I talked to my brother about games yesterday, I  felt it was distracting our conversation from real more important issues and just an escape from reality, which I would rather not have, even as a fundament for social gatherings. In fact, at my current time in life, I am completely comfortable with omitting about 95% of social encounters, especially because they are surrounded by this sort of "Reality evading activities"

I see what you mean here but the graph is flat because for almost all of those days, I didn't play at all. In fact, I don't think I've played a game in a of couple months - I can't remember the last time I did. Maybe 2 months ago? 

For me, I enjoy games, but they don't have the same draw that watching YouTube does. I mentioned this in a previous post, but video games tend to be more active play, requiring you to engage in some way. Eventually, I grow tired of that. The real danger for me is passive entertainment, where you say to yourself, "I'm tired, so I'm just gonna lay on the couch and watch TV/YouTube/streaming/etc." because there, I can be frozen in time - no action is needed from me, so I never get tired of it until my body just can't stay awake anymore. Streaming seems a bit different than YouTube for some unknown reason, but I still have to be careful. 

I do agree, setting a time limit is helpful when I play, and it has worked for me. It's something that I just don't struggle with as much as passive entertainment - probably also because the games I play are not traditionally addictive. I don't touch those other ones (and have no desire to).

On 1/1/2024 at 2:03 AM, Yan said:

Just as gaming -This is a pain-avoiding activity. Instead of "Improving upon pain" activity (I've gathered these terms from MArk manson's books. Either The subtle art of not giving a fu** or Everything is fu**ed
I see you understand this and are already fighting, but again I'd opt for not doing this at all. 
(But I guess for me it's easy to say since I never dropped into this habit in the first place. The most I drank was 3 cups of wine I think, and in total, maybe I drank alcohol 3-5 times in my life, including beer. (I'm 25 btw)

Yeah, I'm still working on this and deciding what to do. I may still have beer but I'm finding past one drink of a cocktail or wine, it starts to affect my mood and motivation the next day. Beer doesn't seem to do this, so I think it might be a question of the alcohol content. I haven't really touched my liquor cabinet since my 90 days ended. Maybe 4 times total? So, the 90 days definitely changed my level of desire for it. I'm even thinking of selling my bottles to some friends. Not sure yet though. I like to provide drinks for guests, but I hardly make cocktails for myself anymore.

 

Thank you for reading through and providing your comments, I really appreciate it!

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15 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

I'm even thinking of selling my bottles to some friends.

If you're aking me, go for it! Your friends could do without beers when they come to your place, and hopefully eventually when they come to their place too 🙂 At least at the great majority of time

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On 1/9/2024 at 2:59 PM, FDRx7 said:

I was doing pretty good with my exercise, but yesterday morning and today, I woke up with no desire to do it. The feeling I had in my mind was, "I'm burned out." However, I've only been back to consistently doing it for maybe 3 or 4 weeks? So, I'm not sure why I feel that way. Could be just because the last few nights I didn't get great sleep. But my workouts might also be too long, and maybe I'm starting to feel that and get tired. Not sure what to do about it yet, but I know that I should at least listen to what my body is saying and try to figure out why. I must still continue to exercise, that's for sure. But, perhaps I need to change it up a bit.

One of my English students told me that he studies every day and takes a few days break every month or so. Sometimes it's OK to just skip a day or to do something easier (not a workout but a walk around the block for example).

On 1/9/2024 at 3:35 PM, FDRx7 said:

For me, I enjoy games, but they don't have the same draw that watching YouTube does. I mentioned this in a previous post, but video games tend to be more active play, requiring you to engage in some way. Eventually, I grow tired of that. The real danger for me is passive entertainment, where you say to yourself, "I'm tired, so I'm just gonna lay on the couch and watch TV/YouTube/streaming/etc." because there, I can be frozen in time - no action is needed from me, so I never get tired of it until my body just can't stay awake anymore. Streaming seems a bit different than YouTube for some unknown reason, but I still have to be careful. 

I couldn't take sitting for hours on end watching series or documentaries or whatever. It's just incredibly passive and I feel like a giant sloth.

I watch one streamer, but I also had an internal fight myself about it. He originally made videos on YT, but then he swapped to streaming. He usually streams for two hours Monday-Friday and sometimes I have to work during the time anyway, so I can't watch. I hardly ever watch the two hour recording afterwards, because his reactions to (my) comments or of the other chat members between one another in real time are a big pull for me. He's been on Christmas holidays for the last two three weeks or so and I don't crave his streams, so I know it's within my own limits.

On 1/9/2024 at 3:35 PM, FDRx7 said:

Yeah, I'm still working on this and deciding what to do. I may still have beer but I'm finding past one drink of a cocktail or wine, it starts to affect my mood and motivation the next day. Beer doesn't seem to do this, so I think it might be a question of the alcohol content. I haven't really touched my liquor cabinet since my 90 days ended. Maybe 4 times total? So, the 90 days definitely changed my level of desire for it. I'm even thinking of selling my bottles to some friends. Not sure yet though. I like to provide drinks for guests, but I hardly make cocktails for myself anymore.

Good liquor generally makes for a good gift. Unless you have dozens of bottles (or a few exceptionally expensive ones), I think giving out a bottle here and there or using them for cocktails for your friends is better than selling them 😄

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  • 4 months later...

Hey all! Been a while. I know I said I was going to continue writing but then didn't...

Things were okay for some time, but have taken a downturn lately. I have actually been YouTube free (as in, no addiction though I will watch the occasional video for something I need, such as instructional content) since starting this journey, which has been awesome. I was continuing to improve my life and even getting some of my routines in place that I've wanted to establish for some time.

Part of what really hurt me was when, in January, my insurance company dropped coverage for the company I was using for therapy. I got another month or so of grace, but ultimately lost both my psychologist and psychiatrist.

On top of this, I am still in the same job and it is making me absolutely miserable. I've been applying to jobs and have not been successful. It's wearing me down. I went through four interviews with one company, who told me they love me and would like to hire me, only they don't have any work to bill me to (thus, they were interviewing to add to their pool of potential hires). That really demoralized me. I would love to just up and quit right now, but my wife has one year left of her residency, so we need the money for rent, etc. If she were done and working, I could potentially quit without something else lined up to protect my mental health. Right now, we don't have that luxury.

I've considered other career paths but it is difficult to find time to pivot while still working full time. I know it can be done, but I need to make the time for it. In the meantime, I've considered an internal move within my company to a different position. This may alleviate some of the pain, as I'd probably be doing something a bit more enjoyable.

There's more to the story, but that's the gist of it. It really harmed my mental health. My depression was at an all-time low over the past 2-3 weeks. I did seek help from my doctor, which was a good move. I'm still working on finding therapists - seems hard to find people with availability. I have done some good things for myself though. I started going to a dietician to support my strength training goals. I see a personal trainer about once a month to keep me on track for the strength training itself. I also started going to physical therapy to correct an issue with my chest that has plagued me since my teens. So these are all wins to celebrate.

I'm back here now because I realized I was really at my best last year when I did my detox and was writing on this forum every day. There is something about coming here to this community, having support, and establishing accountability that really bolstered my efforts. My wife even said that during that time, I was the most "on it" she'd seen.

I'm going to begin journaling again and tracking some key behaviors. It won't be as intense as when I first started, but I really think I need to be here.

I hope everyone's been well and I look forward to catching up on your journeys.

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