Recovery journal

[richter]

Day 12

Training for an urban trail run and I've been somewhat consistent with my running schedule.

I don't miss gaming all that much. I've been quite busy (for my standards). I do surf the web a lot, but I've also been reading more and being a bit more productive outside of screen time.

All in all, quite content now and glad that I have been staying away from gaming!

Cheers

[richter]

Day 14

Deleted my Instagram account. I'm thinking about deleting my FB account too (but keeping Messenger for communication). I don't really use it, except for mindless browsing and finding the occasional local event.

[Pochatok]

Hey! 

Just stumbling upon your journey, and look forward to following along. Best of luck moving towards a better, fuller living- can't wait to hear more!

Po

[richter]

Thanks, Po! I don't post super detailed reflections but I try to update regularly.

Day 15

I have been meditating a couple days a week for the past few weeks and, since yesterday, I have noticed that it is easier to let my thoughts be. E.g. I think I have food cravings but I just let that thought sit and pass. I wonder if it will be another tool in the toolbox to cope with addiction and bad habits in general. Very interesting development! (In case anybody is wondering, I meditate through the Insight Timer app and I usually pick a mindfulness/guided meditation or a body scan (before bed).)

Cheers!

[richter]

Day 24

Completed the running competition! I plan to have my first post-comp jogging session tomorrow morning. The group that I ran with is trying to decide on our next run. I think it's nice that our shared goal isn't to be the fastest runner. We just want to make moving/sports a habit.

I've been picking up some tasks that I procrastinated on. Feels good. My anxiety about failure was at an all-time high the past weeks, but I pushed through the spooky experiences, didn't avoid them and came out the other end ... Definitely a learning experience. I'm not done yet.

Unfortunately, I'm also questioning some relationship stuff and am trying to work out if I want to stay in my current relationship. I definitely want to work on myself first, but I'm scared that I will already be mentally tuned out of the relationship by the time I am somewhat recovered from the gaming/screen addiction.

One big realisation is that I definitely avoid addressing real life problems by gaming/doing nonsense online, like not feeling understood or supported by my partner.

Edited December 14, 2023 by richter
Punctuation marks

[richter]

Day 25

Procrastinating on my run, but I will leave the house in ~15-30 mins to get some exercise in.

In the meantime, to have a clear view on my goals, I'll be listing my values here and in my signature, in no particular order:

- Presence (being present in the moment)

- Health

- Authenticity

- Personal growth

- Connection

I hope that this list will help guide my decisions. (Asking myself, does decision X help me reach value Y?) It is a work in progress and I will change it if need be.

Cheers!

[richter]

Day 26

Weirdly had both a lot of cravings and a lot of productivity in my day. I haven't had cravings this bad since quitting again, so about a month ago. I accepted the feelings and let them pass.

I also spent less time with the screen because I tried to act according to my values. Went shopping for winter holiday presents instead of watching a series. Did a garden job that was on my to do list for the past 2 months instead of continuing to watch Youtube. I also confirmed a meet-up with a friend and did some administrative tasks.

My tendency is to be firm with myself, e.g. for not getting more movement in today, but when I look at the overview of my day, I'm actually quite proud of myself.

I'm going to make some tea (to prevent late night snacking) and will tidy the house a bit in a peaceful manner with a podcast or some music. No pressure to finish anything.

Cheers!

[richter]

Day 29

The cravings have subsided, even though a couple of online friends asked me if I would return to a game for a winter event. I told them no, but to enjoy the event.

I went for a jog in the rain today and I am celebrating this win! My plan was to run in the morning and I wanted to shop for groceries in the afternoon, but I decided to postpone grocery shopping to another day. I managed to procrastinate the run until the afternoon, oops. BUT, I ran anyway.

Yesterday wasn't a good day health-wise. I ended up having pizza and dessert for lunch. It was unplanned and with friends. This taught me that I'm better off planning my lunches or that I have to learn to say no and choose my health. I don't regret it a ton, but I did feel uncomfortable afterwards. It was a learning experience. I don't have any super duper unhealthy meals planned for the rest of the week, so I should be okay.

Currently trying to create the habit of reading for 30 mins before going to bed. I haven't always done this, but I feel pretty chuffed about myself when I do.

Cheers!

[Pochatok]

21 hours ago, richter said:

Yesterday wasn't a good day health-wise. I ended up having pizza and dessert for lunch. It was unplanned and with friends. This taught me that I'm better off planning my lunches or that I have to learn to say no and choose my health.

Been here so many times! While I've gotten autonomous enough to not give into nutritionally-imbalanced foods, it is still those group settings where I'm most likely to disregard my personal diet. 

What has been helpful the most is announcing my choices beforehand- "hey, you can order this ___, but I won't be having it (beause ___". Not once has someone been like "how dare you"; people's support and acceptance keeps me accountable more than I can ever do myself.

 

[richter]

5 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Been here so many times! While I've gotten autonomous enough to not give into nutritionally-imbalanced foods, it is still those group settings where I'm most likely to disregard my personal diet. 

What has been helpful the most is announcing my choices beforehand- "hey, you can order this ___, but I won't be having it (because ___". Not once has someone been like "how dare you"; people's support and acceptance keeps me accountable more than I can ever do myself.

 

Oh yeah, I don't think my friends would have called me out on it if I didn't join them. The problem is I didn't even mention that I wanted to have healthy foods instead, hahaha. It's all good, it's done and I know I'll hopefully be more mindful about it and announce my choices, like you said. Tricky, social situations! 😅 (Today and yesterday were much better!) I appreciate your input.

Edited December 20, 2023 by richter
Gratitude

[richter]

Day 33

About to go for a jog. I'm keeping my eye on a new pair of trail running shoes once they go on sale. I think I run often enough to deserve the splurge. 😁

Proud to say that I managed to lose 2 lbs the past couple weeks with some minor diet tweaks that fit my impulsive style and my irregular schedule. I have some time off now and will use that to tweak it further. I feel less bloated too because I'm eating healthier.

Feeling somewhat bored lately and it shows in my interwebz usage. I don't have crazy cravings to game anymore, and I would like to reduce my screen time as a next step. Just need to find other hobbies to replace it with. I was thinking of picking up strength training again, aside from the running, and I think I would do well to have a list of recurring household chores, so that I can focus on that when I'm bored and don't know what to do. My first impulse at the moment is to start my laptop. I want to change that.

I've been reading more and I'd say that, 50% of the time, I do read for 30 mins before going to bed. Yay.

Happy holidays!

[richter]

Day 34

Did some bodyweight strength exercises for the first time in forever today. Woohoo.

Also contemplating to get back into sewing. I noticed that I felt really calm while I was repairing a shirt. That way I can take my mind off of my thoughts, AND create something at the same time.

We'll see how it goes. I want to remain realistic with my time and goals.

Cheers!

[richter]

Day 39

I want to take the time to post a year in review and resolutions for 2024. Upcoming! 😁

Cravings to game come and go, but I am not giving in.

One of the things that help me know my goals is to envision that I am a parent: which values would I want to imprint upon my child? How would I want to live, to model a good lifestyle for my child? This made me look at some things in a very different light. E.g. It makes me want to create a screen-less Sunday. I believe at least 50% of my screen time does not contribute anything to my life.

[richter]

Day 42 (the answer to the meaning of life, the universe and everything)

Half a year in review - 2023

August was when I finally decided to stop gaming once and for all. I had been thinking about it for some time before, because I realised that my habits were out of control and consuming way too much time. I relapsed once at ~2,5 months for a solid three weeks, but have been game-free again since then. So since deciding to quit gaming, I have had about five game-free months total.

In those months I found: a renewed love and motivation for gardening and running/hiking, more energy to socialise, the courage to start unpacking negative stuff that I had been ignoring through gaming, and with it my values.

Cheers

[richter]

Day 43

Goals for 2024:

- Act/choose according to my values as much as possible

- Use meditation intentionally, as a way to connect with my values when I'm feeling overwhelmed

- 366 days of no gaming 😁

- Stay on top of diet and exercise

- Reduce screen time by at least 50%

- Foster valuable relationships

Cheers!

[richter]

Day 49

Hiya! A quick post to say that I deactivated my Facebook account today (kept Messenger). Also cleaned out my YouTube subscriptions, though I don't often use it as an escape.

Cravings still coming and going, but I'm on day 49, as per title.

Cheers!

[Ikar]

On 1/9/2024 at 6:46 PM, richter said:

Hiya! A quick post to say that I deactivated my Facebook account today (kept Messenger). Also cleaned out my YouTube subscriptions, though I don't often use it as an escape.

Sounds good! I would've thrown FB away myself, though I have some work-related groups with interesting content. How do you use YT?

[Pochatok]

42 minutes ago, Ikar said:

Sounds good! I would've thrown FB away myself, though I have some work-related groups with interesting content. How do you use YT?

Just wanted to share here, if you use Chrome, "Undistraced" is a magnificent extension that cuts down a lot of content/distractions on social media. Use if for both FB and YouTube, and at this point I have literally no bingewatching/scrolling problems. 

[Ikar]

12 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Just wanted to share here, if you use Chrome, "Undistraced" is a magnificent extension that cuts down a lot of content/distractions on social media. Use if for both FB and YouTube, and at this point I have literally no bingewatching/scrolling problems. 

I have "Leech Block" in my Firefox, but thanks for the suggestion! I have perma-blocked FB on my desktop computer and I only use it on my phone to track said groups. I don't even have the app, I just use it in my phone browser. On my desktop, I need to "allow" YT every 30 minutes if I'm actively searching for something or when I want to access the main page, but at the same time I set it up so that I can use it to listen to songs/playlists unhindered.

[richter]

22 hours ago, Ikar said:

How do you use YT?

I use the Unhook extension to remove recommended videos and the automatic redirects to recs. I follow maybe 5 channels tops with subjects that really interest me and that I want to learn more about. They don't post very often and have high quality content.

Other than that, I must also admit that I don't get the same kick out of watching YT videos than gaming or scrolling through Reddit, for example. So it's a little bit easier for me to use YT and not spend hours on it.

Edit: Maybe good to know that I never used YT for gaming purposes either, just focused non-gaming interests.

Edited January 12 by richter
Extra info

[wheatbiscuit]

On 12/29/2023 at 11:17 PM, richter said:

One of the things that help me know my goals is to envision that I am a parent: which values would I want to imprint upon my child? How would I want to live, to model a good lifestyle for my child? This made me look at some things in a very different light. E.g. It makes me want to create a screen-less Sunday. I believe at least 50% of my screen time does not contribute anything to my life.

I haven't seen that in a post here before - regarding possible children. Normally, I would have thought of the sunlight principle (act as if everyone in the world were watching/what you do will appear in a big newspaper the next day). That is, perhaps, knowing how to be even only without screens so that you might be relied upon as a source of strength for people ready to grow alongside of you. I'd love to believe that everyone in my life is thinking along those lines too, because if allowed to raise it as a frequent point (e.g. the old 'what would Jesus do?' - with less Godly overtones), a lot more could be managed with my family, for instance.

Edited January 12 by wheatbiscuit

[Pochatok]

17 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I haven't seen that in a post here before - regarding possible children. Normally, I would have thought of the sunlight principle (act as if everyone in the world were watching/what you do will appear in a big newspaper the next day). That is, perhaps, knowing how to be even only without screens so that you might be relied upon as a source of strength for people ready to grow alongside of you. I'd love to believe that everyone in my life is thinking along those lines too, because if allowed to raise it as a frequent point (e.g. the old 'what would Jesus do?' - with less Godly overtones), a lot more could be managed with my family, for instance.

Personally, prefer to imagine asking my future self questions: what would you want me to do right now?

Imagining yourself a role-model 24/7 is unsustainable- I end up doing what I think others want me to do, rather than what want for myself. Idealizing myself into some godly figure isn't realistic either- I'm the imperfect self, and it's important to remember that.

By imagining my future self- who I believe loves me and cares for me, just like how I love and care for my past iterations of myself -I get to ask the question of "what to do/be right now" from a place of compassion and understanding. 

And yes, if only more people lived by such principles ❣️

[richter]

Interesting to read the similar yet different principles we each live by!

 

Day 58

Feeling both over and understimulated at times and coping with food, sadly. I'm still active though and on my way to running a 10K soon-ish.

I almost set plans to game next weekend but I quickly thought better of it. Still going strong! It really is a daily commitment ...

[Vee]

Good to see someone else get into running as well! I've let it fall to the wayside over the last month, but I'm keen to get back into running regularly again. Do you have a certain route you mostly stick to, or do you mix it up?

[richter]

On 1/19/2024 at 5:38 PM, Vee said:

Do you have a certain route you mostly stick to, or do you mix it up?

A couple days off turned into two weeks off, so I feel ya! I'm planning on running again tomorrow. I've a neighbourhood that I run in and it has both trail and street runs. I switch it up depending on the weather. How about you? Do you have a goal you're working towards? I'd love to run around 7-8k (solo) a couple times a week, and throw in a race (with friends) every now and then.

Day 66

I'm mildly miserable at the moment but I'm also somehow confident that I can turn this around. I'm trying to limit my screen time by having a to do list and only use my laptop if I have a reason to use it. (No mindless surfing and wasting hours.) So far it has been reasonably successful and I will continue this 'simple' method. We'll see where it leads me.