Recovery journal

[richter]

I deleted my gaming accounts an hour ago.

It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, but, at the same time, I'm anxious (and happy) about having all this free time. I want to focus on self-improvement 🙂

Today, I am grateful that I said goodbye to the timesuck that is called gaming. What a huge leap to have deleted my accounts! I'm really proud of myself.

Cheers

Edited August 16, 2023 by lux

[Ace92]

congratulations on making the decision to quit games! i wish you luck on your journey!

best,

ace

[richter]

Thank you, @Ace92! I saw your own post and wish you the same.

Quick recap of day 1 without gaming.

I am BORED. But I know that this is (hopefully?) temporary and part of the process.

However, I did get some tasks done today. I did a 7 km walk after breakfast. I did some administration that I had put off. I watched a whole movie that has been on my list forever. I texted several people. And I did some grocery shopping.

Today, I am grateful that the weather has been cooperating and we've had a mild summer. I am proud that I managed to get multiple things done!

[richter]

Day 2 write-up.

I have a late shift today, so I will already jot something down and add my grateful/proud moments later.

I was very anxious this morning without any source for it, and the anxiety only went away by leaving the house and checking some outside chores off of my to do list. I saw some friends briefly, and I did household stuff after I came home. If I would have still been gaming, I would have procrastinated on all of those, or done them begrudgingly. I am happy to be 'reclaiming' my time. I get a minor sense of satisfaction from completing to do's, but overall I am still quite bored and understimulated.

Today, I am grateful xxx. I am proud xxx.

[richter]

Oops, didn't get around to finishing my yesterday post. I came home and went straight to the shower and to bed.

Day 3

Accidentally saw new content of the game that I used to play and felt like I was missing out on the fun. I'll do better in avoiding that sort of content because there were good reasons to quit, and I need to keep those in mind.

Apart from that, didn't do much today after my shift. KO'd in the couch because I am running on too few hours of sleep. Going to clean up after dinner and chill with a book. One thing that I'd like to pick up for self-improvement purposes is eating a more varied/healthier diet. I've got an unused cookbook so might take a look at that and pick out some recipes to try.

Today, I am grateful for the people in my life who choose to spend their time with me. I am proud that I managed to make a nice dinner in my sleepy-deprived state. 😅

Cheers

[richter]

Day 4 and 5

Okay days. I find that since stopping gaming, I am more present and that means being aware of both good and bad habits or things that are going on in my life in general. I don't mind it because I feel (well enough) equipped to handle things and I try not to be too hard on myself. I did just put time limits on reddit and facebook via Leechblock because I tend to waste time on there now. Luckily not as much time as I used to spend gaming. But again, it's day 5, so trying not to be too hard on myself, and to make small changes. Things that drew my attention to change for the better are cleaning up my diet, moving more, and staying on top of household chores. I've also reached out to friends that I haven't talked to in a long time and made plans to spend time together. (It was one of the first things that took a big hit when gaming started taking up more and more time.)

Today, I am grateful for the friends that stuck with me throughout periods of totally ignoring them 95% of the time. I am proud that I am able to cut myself some slack despite being a huge perfectionist.

Cheers

[richter]

Day 6

Tough shift today. I took a nap afterwards and made dinner. It strikes me that I find it hard to unwind after work without the computer, i.e. mindless browsing 😅 I grew up with the internet from a young age and I suppose I made it a habit to have a screen in front of my face. I think that'll be a much tougher habit to break than gaming, even though gaming was much much much more gratifying.

Today, I am grateful for my peaceful afternoon nap. I am proud that I let myself get some rest during the day when I needed it.

Cheers

[richter]

Day 7 and 8

No more work for a couple of weeks and then back to school. I have massive amounts of free time now. 😱 I already have plans for the upcoming five days with plenty of time to rest inbetween activities, just the way I like it. Today, I slept in and had a very laid-back day. Went for a short walk, took care of household tasks, answered some e-mails/texts, confirmed plans with friends, (re)watched episode 1 of Rings of Power and debated buying a colouring book for grown-ups as a gift to myself.

Today, I am grateful for skilled artists and their lovely creations. I am proud that I managed to get more things done on a 'rest day' without gaming than I used to on a 'productive day' with gaming.

Cheers

[richter]

Day 9 without gaming

The weather is pretty miserable and I am so bored and want to game, but I am not going to do it.

I focused on eating healthier today and I feel like I achieved that goal. I've also got a 2L water bottle to start monitoring my intake, ha. Did some stuff for the household again, as always. Watched more of my series. (Didn't binge watch.) Started reading another book. Put an hour in volunteering. Reached out to people via text. I was going to make a new recipe today but the store lacked some ingredients so that has been postponed until tomorrow. I noticed that I spent a lot of time scrolling through Pinterest, decided that it wasn't adding much value to my life, and yeeted it.

Apart from my diet, I feel like I should move more and with purpose again. Strength + cardio + flexibility. I will incorporate that into my plans for the upcoming weeks. If I am so bored at times, then surely I can fit some exercise into my day. 🙂

Today, I am grateful for books. I am proud that I am honouring my health/body by eating well.

Cheers

[richter]

Day 10 and 11 without gaming

In reverse order. Walked 15-ish km today and my feet are very angry with me. Diet took a nose dive but I needed the sugar and calories to complete the walk, so here's to hoping it works out in CICO (calories in calories out) terms! I'm relaxing now and it makes me want to game so much. 🙃 The chances of me doing anything else productive today are very low, and aaargh. Anyway, not gaming. I feel mournful about it, like saying goodbye to a comforting friend.

Yesterday, I did yoga in the morning, finally made my new recipe (it was okay but not wow) and went and visited some friends. We decided to head into town and get fastfood, so another unhealthy food intake day. 😬 Luckily only with regards to dinner and an unhealthy snack. I'll do better tomorrow.

Today, I am grateful for the people who make walking guides. I am proud of my perseverance during the walk.

Cheers

[richter]

Day 12

I did a 25 km bike ride today and enjoyed being out in nature and getting the exercise in. Diet was okay today. I'm almost done with my water bottle, so same for hydration. Did some chores around the house as per usual. Cravings come and go. To be honest, few things give me a feeling of satisfaction these days. I feel like I'm merely rationally observing that I get more things done IRL. I hope this passes soon. If anybody has any feedback apart from the usual dopamine system gaming withdrawal stuff, I would greatly appreciate it. 🙂

Today, I am grateful for bike paths through nature. I am proud of completing day 12 without gaming (and less mindless scrolling).

Cheers

[Antoni]

 

 

Quote

Cravings come and go. To be honest, few things give me a feeling of satisfaction these days. I feel like I'm merely rationally observing that I get more things done IRL. I hope this passes soon.

Congrats on 12 days! I'm on 90+ days but sometimes I can still feel the cravings especially when I'm stressed or bored.  But the pain to game again and break my streak is far more painful than just not gaming at all.  You'll get much stronger as the days go by. 

[wheatbiscuit]

10 hours ago, richter said:

Day 12

I did a 25 km bike ride today and enjoyed being out in nature and getting the exercise in. Diet was okay today. I'm almost done with my water bottle, so same for hydration. Did some chores around the house as per usual. Cravings come and go. To be honest, few things give me a feeling of satisfaction these days. I feel like I'm merely rationally observing that I get more things done IRL. I hope this passes soon. If anybody has any feedback apart from the usual dopamine system gaming withdrawal stuff, I would greatly appreciate it. 🙂

Echoing @Grogu, gaming again for one day or two would be like losing 1 month out of the 3.5 I've been off, surmising. O_O You'll be detoxing for most of the new season if aiming for 90 days, too - it could be a great adventure. 😛 Was for me!

For my first month, I just read the Harry Potter series again. Lots of mostly harmless gratification there. lol Do something innocent like that, like colouring in or finding new and interesting music (possibly both at the same time!). Ever listened to Mike Oldfield? 

~ Matt

[richter]

Thank you, @Grogu and @wheatbiscuit!

I'm not sure for how long I'll be staying away from gaming. How it stands now: possibly for life, really.

Playing games again is a slippery slope towards gaming everyday because of the design (daily rewards, etcetera). I don't see myself being able to moderate it. Moreover, I've sobered up enough to realise that this is not how I want to spend my time. It's just that nothing feels as rewarding (at the moment). I'll give it more time and try out new things.

Unfortunately, I've already read the HP series multiple times. 😆 I'm (re-)reading some classics and I listen to music daily. 👍 I've heard of Mike Oldfield but haven't looked into his music. Thanks for the rec.

[D_Cozy]

Moderation is not for everyone, it's great that you are recognizing that this early.

When I detoxed myself, it was hard to not go on the Play store and browse for some other mindlessly distracting game at nights; specially at nights, which is when my kid would be asleep and I'd feel like I have nothing to do. One of the things I turned to was reading to fill the time.

If you like sci-fi, I would recommend Neuromancer by William Gibson. It follows a cyberspace hacker (the internet, before the internet) as he tries to stop an AI from merging with another to become a super-program. This is a book written and published in 1984, and yet it has aged really well to date. It is a complex book as well, which is good because it kept me busy for a solid month as I pieced it together.

Edited August 29, 2023 by D_Cozy

[richter]

Day 13

Bit of a lazy day. Spent too much time watching Rings of Power to my liking (1,5 episodes) and found it hard to bring myself to other tasks. Nevertheless I did some household chores, confirmed Saturday plans with a friend, put 2 hours into volunteering and worked in the garden for an hour. (Now that I'm typing out all of this, I realise that I should be kinder to myself.) Will finish the day with a book until I'm too sleepy to read.

Thanks for the book rec, @D_Cozy. For me, moderation was never really an option. Though I've tried, numerous times, in the past. 😅

Today, I am grateful for cloudy 20°C days that are ideal for gardening. I am proud that I did the dishes, even though I was already in an unwinding state of mind. It was easier than I thought it would be.

Cheers

[richter]

Two weeks without gaming 💪

Bit of a milestone, and holy moly, I almost relapsed. 😱 I've been thinking about why I was so close to gaming again. One of the big reasons imo is that I was spending a lot of time on my laptop, but I've set up quite a few limitations and I got so bored with it all that it made me want to play games. Badly. The solution for me would have been to pull myself away from the screen sooner and do something else entirely. Alternatives to screen time, hobbies that don't involve a computer, are the key here.

Anyway, luckily I didn't relapse. I made a grocery shopping list and went shopping with my partner. Then I worked in the garden for an hour.

Today, I am grateful for leftover food. I am proud that I didn't relapse.

Thank you for reading.

[richter]

Day 15 and 16

Felt very low and close to relapsing the past few days. Thoughts that stopped me were: What will I gain from gaming now? I will use it to procrastinate chores. I will be less available to my friends. I will be less connected to my surroundings. And most of all: I will want to game again after this session. So I didn't do it.

Today, I am grateful for showers. I am proud that I pulled myself together in the afternoon.

Thank you for reading.

[richter]

Day 17 and 18

Did not have time for cravings because I visited a friend on Saturday. In-laws visited this afternoon. The rest of the time, I spent working in the garden, mostly. No grand thoughts about my quitting gaming this time. 😄

Today, I am grateful that I have a garden. I am proud that I have consistently worked in the garden in small blocks of time every day for like at least 5 days in a row.

Thank you for reading.

[richter]

Day 19, 20, 21, 22 and 23 without gaming

3 weeks without playing games have gone and past. The cravings are less now. Though I sometimes still feel like I'm missing out on the fun, but only when I get confronted with the games I played and the feeling isn't very strong.

I've mostly worked in the garden, volunteered, and will be attending a gig tonight.

I'd like to further reduce my screen time because, even though I quit gaming, I still spend a lot of time on my laptop - I reckon several hours a day - consuming stuff instead of putting creative things forth into the world. I'm not going to put a lot of pressure on myself for it, because I still think it a huge feat to have quit gaming, but I will slowly work towards being more creative.

Thank you for reading.

[TimeForChange]

4 hours ago, richter said:

Day 19, 20, 21, 22 and 23 without gaming

3 weeks without playing games have gone and past. The cravings are less now. Though I sometimes still feel like I'm missing out on the fun, but only when I get confronted with the games I played and the feeling isn't very strong.

I've mostly worked in the garden, volunteered, and will be attending a gig tonight.

I'd like to further reduce my screen time because, even though I quit gaming, I still spend a lot of time on my laptop - I reckon several hours a day - consuming stuff instead of putting creative things forth into the world. I'm not going to put a lot of pressure on myself for it, because I still think it a huge feat to have quit gaming, but I will slowly work towards being more creative.

Thank you for reading.

It sounds like you are making really good progress and building a strong habit of gardening. It also seems like getting out and being social is really helping. Keep up the good work!

[richter]

Day 24, 25 and 26 without gaming

Approaching a month.

The weather's been too hot hot hot and my eyes have been glued to the screen for days while waiting for the temperature to come down. I'm really sensitive to heat and it makes me into a human pudding. Looks like the coming days will finally be better so I will be in the garden more often. I've a home improvement project on my to do list too. I've been minding my food intake more closely because I would love to lose a bit of weight.

Thank you for reading.

[richter]

 

Day 27, 28 and 29

Have been minding my food intake and also went for a nice morning jog once. I've been gardening two days in a row and it's been satisfying to see the results of my work. 😁 Been a bit more active on the household front too. I'm happy to see that I was just temporarily less active because of circumstances and that I am able to bounce back.

Cravings are alright. They get triggered if I see gaming content, so I try to avoid it. I've also been thinking about deleting my Discord account. The thing stopping me are the friends I made along the way (with whom I do not discuss games, but real life stuff too).

All in all, good days!

Thank you for reading.

[richter]

Day 30 and 31

Went for a long walk and spent my days gardening, as my days off (and the season) are coming to a close.

A month without gaming has come and gone! I've been noticing that I am less bored than I was in the first weeks after I quit gaming. It's a bit easier to deal with tedious chores and not procrastinate them (too long).

I'm planning to go for a jog again tomorrow morning.

Thank you for reading.

[richter]

Hiya! Usually when somebody posts again after an absence, it is because they've relapsed, which is ... also totally my case! 😅 I think I was at the ~2,5 month mark. Not beating myself up too hard over it. It happened, and I've since deleted everything again. I think I'm on day 4 without gaming now and going bonkers with all the thoughts that are occupying my head. It's annoying. The reason that I'm writing here is just that, to hopefully help calm down this (over/understimulated) brain of mine.

I've picked up meditating (guided ones) and will be doing that before bed today.

The gaming didn't get as out of hand as it did before, but I slipped back into gaming hours a day after day 2 of starting again? I'm surprised at how quickly that happened. I've also blocked Reddit while I was at it. Sort of decluttering the brain.

Focusing on tasks has been difficult, but I have been reading again today. Think I will add 'time outside' to my everyday to do list again. I have also gone for a jog today. Will be mailing a therapist to set up an appointment.

Cheers!

Edited November 24, 2023 by richter
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