Ace92

Been noticing that mental health has been declining. I haven't been able to place my finger on why that was. Today though I figured it out and it has to do with every aspect of life. Health: My health is terrible at the moment. What would be basic human actions for others, I've been pushing off. Brushing my teeth, washing my face, eating a well balanced diet of vegetables, fruits, grains and dairy, drinking enough water. Meditating, exercising daily, showering, sleeping 7-10 hours per night, connecting with nature, all of these have gone down the drain. While I haven't been playing video games, I've gone to what I know, which is YouTube videos, streaming movies and TV shows on Hulu, Netflix, Max; streaming music on Spotify and Apple Music; wasting time on Instagram and TikTok, and feeding my body snacks and junk food. Also of course not getting a consistent amount of sleep. Along with not brushing my teeth and not washing my face, what I explained above is dangerous behavior. Not sleeping well can cause me to develop even worse mental health issues, insomnia, anxiety, depression, other chronic health conditions, and I could even die. Basing my diet around sugary snacks and drinks can lead to being overweight and chronic health conditions. Paying for all these streaming services wastes money and keeps me in bed, which makes me ignore what I have to do, and chances to meet new people. Which leads into... Social: My social life is bad. Really bad. I only have one in real life friend and I'm not going out of my comfort zone to try and meet more people. I do value and enjoy my privacy, but human interaction is necessary for a stable life. Additionally I always end up getting upset knowing that my one friend is getting into romantic relationships and making new friends left and right. I need to stop taking the negative energy and actions of a few people and portraying that to all people because all people do not suck, we all have flaws, but that's what makes us who we are, and there are some genuinely good people out there. Time to take my therapist's advice and dedicate myself to one or two clubs to make new and strong connections. As YouTube has shown me through the years, most people do not sit on their ass just watching shows on their phone, nor do they spend time listening to music for 12 hours a day like I do. Most people are putting hard work in / effort every day. Whether that's for their family, friends, colleagues, jobs, theirselves, or some hobby they're interested in. Some people don't see major results for years, but they still put the effort in because they know it will be beneficial for them. It's time for me to do the same. I can't sit on my ass anymore because that makes me depressed. I can't drink soda or junk anymore because that wastes money and makes me sad and unhealthy. The internet is not the center of the world, the world is much bigger than that, like much bigger. I won't be able to experience all of it, and there will be sadness and anger and frustration and uncertainty and worry, but there will also be good moments, and if I want to experience the good moments, I need to actually work on my life and living every day. I need to do that while actually facing the bad, rather than fleeing from it and the good moments can and will show themselves. A new journey starts today. Best, Ace

This is what I've been struggling with. My therapist suggested that I commit to two clubs on campus to see and continuously connect with the people who regularly attend said clubs. It was good advice, but I'm dealing with a lot of confidence and self-esteem issues. I'm stuck in this period where I feel I'm becoming egocentric a little bit as I've labeled almost everyone around me as dumb or stupid. This is the result of being placed into a team of ignorant, lazy people for a group project (that's 30% of our grade, but they ignore all the instructions then complain when the professor informs them about the poor job they did, for doing their parts at the last minute), and dealing with a hypocritical roommate. Doesn't mean everyone is dumb though. I also just enjoy my privacy a lot to consider if I even want more human interaction, but I know I need it because I become upset and just rot in my bed knowing that my one friend is meeting potential partners and hanging with others like it's nothing. Not sure how I can get out of this cycle. The one social event a week seems like a good strategy, keep me updated on how it goes. Wishing you the best on your social journey. Ace

The little things make up life for me. enough small steps or little tasks usually turn into big moments. They don't even have to be big moments, doing something small sometimes just feels good. Making your bed every morning for example. A compliment can turn someone's entire day around. I feel society loves to focus on the big moments only, all the adrenaline filled, instant gratification stuff, as if that is all life is. Focusing too much on that can feel draining or upsetting, like you're making no progress. I think journaling and gratitude is helpful in this sense as it allows you to enjoy the day to day facets of life we can often gloss over. Wishing you best of luck Ace

sounds like things are going well. keep up the great work ace

Day 9 Keep going Day 10 Valentines Day and I celebrated being single, while having and being in a relationship is nice, and something I seek, being able to do things by yourself without having to necessarily worry about another person fits perfect for me at the current moment Day 11 Met with some friends and was social Day 12 I decided to give therapy another chance. Turns out there are some good therapists out there. The therapist I met with was great, he was understanding, made sense of what I was telling him and worked with me to put it into a fresher perspective and gave me advice or suggestions on what I could do. It wasn't just "yeah I understand that could be difficult." He was actually human, told some of his own stories I could relate to and he was funny sometimes. I look forward to seeing him again Day 13 Watched a movie with a friend Day 14 Realized getting up early is actually wonderful and that making my bed is something that's necessary for me if I want to be productive at all. So I will make my bed every morning. Sorry, I haven't been here in a while. Will keep you updated, but I am trying to diminish my online presence as much as possible so I don't get pulled back into distractions. Best Ace Gratitude Friends for giving good times Therapist for giving good suggestions and helping out Reading for giving me engagement and entertainment at the same time.

I see what you mean. That will probably help with feeling less jealous and more excited for them and appreciative because it will show how much effort goes into things. Yeah it will be a lot of trial and error for me I think trying to find outlets that I can learn and gain valuable insights from that aren't biased and focused on dividing people, just showing the wars or diseases as you mentioned. Day 7 Yay I hit a week! This day I found writing everything out (responsibilities) on a schedule for the week, is very helpful for my brain, and allows me to focus on them easier. Not necessarily writing my whole schedule out, just what has to be done that day. Got a lot of college work done Day 8 This day was a fun social day. I was able to complete my laundry, clean up my room a little bit, then I went shopping with my friend and hung out with them a lot. Feeling good Best, Ace Gratitude: Beds, allowing me to have a place to sleep Cleaning, makes me feel more organized My body for taking care of me and doing everything it can to make me feel healthy

Thank you for this clarification. I think a lot of my jealousy/anger, my need to prove myself or do better comes from the fact that media and top corporations love shoving competition in our faces, as if the only way to live is out preform everyone, become "top dog", and flex on them to push them down. This is something that is toxic and how no one should live. No one should enter into a career or hobby, or do a task simply to get the praise over someone else or make someone else feel bad. To put it simply, I think my mind was still controlled by the outlets that want to assault us with negativity and get us mad at each other. Yes, a bad day can definitely have an influence on this. Though I currently find myself to always be in a pessimistic mood. Guess I'll have to dig in deeper to find out why, but I think it's the great amount of unsatisfaction I have with my life currently. Which again, my perception of what's bad, what's good, what's successful, what's not, and priorities have all been corrupted by... The media. Since I was on social media most of my life and listening to music, I slowly lost my own thoughts and my ideas and perceptions were controlled by other people. Almost creating this pessimistic view of the world. The whole "grind yourself to the bone, no breaks," or "Ignore what others are saying about your dreams," or "Everyone else doesn't know or understand your goals, only you do, focus on yourself and cut others off," are all things I started prioritizing years ago. The reality is, that's not healthy and not everyone is out to get you. Everyone is just living their own life man. This is not to say all media is bad because there is some genuinely good, insightful stuff out there, but the main 5 messages that are put out, along with the priority of money and owning diamond rings and expensive mansions and cars; materialism, essentially plagued my mind. When I wrote my last entry, I was and I still am working to escape this mindset, to form my own thoughts again. The reality is, unlike what the media portrays, there are so many people who care about you and want to see me succeed, and they want to help me by giving me advice they think might be useful. In turn though, I should also be happy for other people because now thinking about it, it's just cruel to cut people off who want to help you or put people down. Everyone struggles, so when something positive happens to them I shouldn't attempt to act like they're doing it to flex on me. Everyone is on a different path, going at different speeds, but hopefully everyone will reach their goals at some point. And again unlike media portrays, life isn't all about items or big cars or being rich, while those can be nice, life is about engagement and enrichment, learning, laughing, and enjoying the small, impactful moments in life that we often just gloss over. I am feeling much better. While I still have improvements, everyone does. Anyway, thank you again for your responses @Pochatok and @Ikar very insightful. Day 6 Great day. Connected in different ways with some friends, I feel I'm becoming a better friend with both of them because I'm spending less time on screens. Beautiful day outside. Again even though it's been only 40 degrees, much warmer than other days, so I took a walk around campus. Going to read and probably take a shower tonight. Best, Ace Gratitude Friends for good times Mother Nature for this nice weather God for creating this earth Game quitters for helping me along my journey and being so supportive.

Day 5 Something I'm still struggling with is learning how to be happy for other people. When I was gaming, people would tell me goals they had, aspirations, plans or things they accomplished. Later on I would always get mad at them for telling me that, thinking they were just saying that to flex on me or make me feel bad because I was just playing video games and I wasn't at that level. The reality is they are telling me that because they think I'd be interested in them and if they are my friends I should support them and we won't have the same goals, so I shouldn't try to compete against them in whatever it is they are discussing with me. I shouldn't be competing against them at all. However, some of the jealousy still lingers because I get into this mindset where I think I am not good enough because they have x and I don't have x, or that I am behind. Which is not the case. Not sure how to get over this mindset though. Other than that it was a pretty solid day. Wrote down a more detailed vision list of what I want to accomplish. Here's to tomorrow Best, Ace Mother Nature for the warmer weather- technically it's only above 40°, but it's been warmer than before. God for creating this beautiful earth My mom for comforting me and giving me advice

This is amazing work. Nice job.

Day 3 Maintaining the streak Day 4 Nothing in this world is achieved without effort, gotta wake up and do it even if I don't feel like it. Being in the zone, working hard, all that builds confidence and helps you become a more routine person. Gratitude: eggs for protein and keeping healthy God for always watching over me and creating this world Friends for fun and great conversations

Day 2 Slower day today, got less done than I wanted to, but I didn't binge on any media so that's good. I woke up at 7:00ish, read the Bible, started reading,The Power of Habit, as yesterday I finished reading Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...And Maybe The World. Both have been interesting reads From there I worked out again, and attended class. I also meditated and reached out to some old friends. Here's to tomorrow Ace Gratitude: Classes allowing me to access and learn knowledge Books allowing me to learn new information while also being fun and engaging God for keeping me on track.

Side note 2: I think eggs are becoming one of my favorite foods

Congratulations on finishing uni, that's an amazing achievement! I would recommend writing all your ideas down for your business, might help you solidify decisions. Wishing you best of luck! Ace

Day 1 Great day today. I woke up at a reasonable time (unfortunately not at 6:30, but around 8:00). I read the Bible, attended my hometown Curch's Sunday service (via Facebook livestream). For breakfast, I made scrambled eggs and some tea. I made sure to leave my phone in my bedroom as I went to the library to get work done. I worked from 11:30 to 3:30 a solid 4 hours. I got back to my apartment and started a 60 day work out challenge online. This is the only time I used YouTube. Using social media is fine if there is a purpose as to why I'm using it, for example, the workout and my Church service. This is because I'm using them intentionally instead of just using them because I'm lazy or bored or need some instant gratification, which is useless. With a purpose, I can log on, get what I wanted to do then log off without any sort of addiction or problem, at least for me. Had a nice phone call chat with my mom, and now I am cooking rice with a fried egg for dinner. Afterward, I am going to do some studying for my exam tomorrow, meditate, journal, and read. Best, Ace Gratitude: Pans/rice cookers for allowing me to cook healthier, nutritious meals instead of just junk Greyscale, for helping with my phone addiction God for creating this earth, (side note: the world is much more immersive and seems bigger and more beautiful without wearing headphones, listening to music. The atmospheric visuals and sounds are beautiful, and silence is amazing. Mom for teaching me how to cook and the wonderful conversation.

Hello everyone, The past few days have been awful. My impatience toward wanting to do some crazy activity with my life, but not being able to, made me relapse to mobile games, making me think I was doing something adrenaline boosting when in reality I wasn't. The time for me doing something adrenaline boosting will come. I talked with my mom today and she told me to not bite of more than I can chew, which is something I have always struggled with. While it will be exciting to do something like skiing, biking, or surfing, now is not the time to do those hobbies, additionally those hobbies can get expensive. I was just looking at a local surf company near me that did lessons, lessons cost almost $1,000.00 in USD. I do not have the financial ability to invest in that yet. My mom and dad reccomended I start with the small tasks, for example, brushing my teeth every day, twice, making my bed every morning, exercising, going on a walk each day, getting out of the house. While these seem mundane to my brain at the moment, these are all necessary, important tasks that'll make me feel like I accomplished something rather than sitting in my bed all day. Overall though, I am tired of being depressed, unsatisfied with my life, brain fog, the feeling that I'm stupid because I've just sat playing video games, wasting time, instead of engaging in this wonderful world, learning and becoming a better person for it. My main issue was my phone, so I deleted all social media, the distracting apps, the apps I did not use, and set it to greyscale, to give me less interest in using it. I figure if I spend little to no time with any media (Television, music, movies, Reddit, Discord, Snapchat, TikTok, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, Spotify, Facebook, podcasts), I will not just whip out my phone because I'm bored and unsure what to do. Instead I will be unsure what to do and remind myself of the healthy hobbies I have the ability to do at the moment. I hope this will get me out of my slump Screw video games and all that virtual junk hardwiring my brain, I will conquer you and live my best life ever. Best, Ace

One thing I'm noticing about myself is I am all talk but little to no action. If I want to accomplish the big goals and dreams I have in my life and get to the wondrous, crazy, miracles, I need to go through the slow, long, beginning, no experience stages of hobbies and life. However, I should try to appreciate them.

Here are the results of my journaling session today. I wrote down positive habits of successful people, what I personally had interest in doing, and what I should focus on in this current moment.

I think for some background noise like white noise can be helpful, but overall, I'd genuinely say to try to avoid it as it can distract you from actually falling asleep and getting a good nights rest. The silence of your bedroom at night is all the sound you need, in my opinion.

I've started listening to podcasts too. One of my addictions is music, I would just listen to songs for up to 12 hours a day, I was gaining nothing from it. I'm currently listening to How to Be a Better Human with Chris Duffy, interesting stuff! Keep up the good work Best Ace

02/01/2024 I am not counting today as day one because today and yesterday were tipping points for me to actually commit to getting my life back together Yesterday, I was consumed by Discord again, trying to win one of those stupid games with the bots Cam mentioned in his video. I spent all day on my phone to ensure that another member did not pass me, to maintain that power. When I ended up not winning, I flipped out, swearing, name calling, all of it. Demonstrating that I did not just lose the game, I lost myself, and I lost to Discord–the app had full control of me. That night I didn't get to sleep until 1am, really awful time. I woke up at 9:07, with my first class starting at 9:40, so I didn't get to even make breakfast or make my bed, my room was a disaster. Laundry was all over the floor and my trash bag was overflowing. Anyway I rushed out the door to class. By this point my discord app was deleted, as I'm writing this now, I also cancelled my Spotify subscription because I cannot afford to lose more money than I already have. The day was mundane, most of it was still virtual, though it was away for classes. I thought about how I could make my life less digital, which led me to delete the apps I was most addicted to. Additionally, reading a book, learning a language, and hiking are all activities I can do to stay off my phone. Especially during relaxation time, reading or meditating will be a big time saver. For podcasts, I will listen to them when I'm doing something else, like laundry, cooking or washing dishes. I can also listen to them while walking between classes. Language learning will be kept to 30 minutes - 1hr per day. I say today was a continuation of the turning point in my commitment because I asked myself today if I really wanted to quit. The answer came to be "yes" when I realized how big of a problem my anger is. I was pushing blame on other people for losing the game, and I held hatred toward my classmates even though they had no contribution to the dumb, toxic environment of said Discord bot game. I just hated everyone, for no reason. I've struggled with anger my entire life. I'm not too sure how to improve on it, especially in situations where I lose or there's something I find unjust. Side note: my mother told me my anger stems from my dislike toward unfairness or inequality. She says I also think in a direct way, one single way, while ignoring all the other paths there are; not because I'm a bad person, but because it's easier for my brain to understand. The brain doesn't enjoy hard or complicated tasks. So it makes sense why when something I find unfair happens, I get upset. I am going to do more thinking about this as I pick up meditation, but I think currently, one of the ways I can help with anger is being friendly, genuinely listening to people (eye contact, not on phone, head nods, not interrupting etc.) and being friendly, helping others when needed. I think opening myself up to different perspectives instead of shaming someone for them, or ignoring it, and being open to a healthy discussion about our experiences and thoughts will help me be more appreciative of different thoughts. It will help me see the fact that there are other ways of doing the same task as well. Instead of closing myself off. My friend and I made dinner together and watched Criminal Minds. This and class showed me that engagement in the real world and responding to each situation is much more exciting and enjoyable than texting fake friends that are just text with the sole purpose of getting you hooked. Talking about useless topics, not gaining any meaningful or informative knowledge that can be used to achieve goals. So that was one highlight of my day. I'm excited to start the actual healing process tomorrow. I'm going to schedule out the next few days, meditate and journal positive habits of successful people! Best Ace I am Thankful for: My friend and roommate for cooking dinner and having wonderful conversations with me. As well as being one of the most supportive, caring and kind friends I've had (my first one actually). My professors for being so supportive when I'm lost on a subject and for giving me the opportunity to learn new information and ideas. I'm thankful I deleted Discord, TikTok, Hulu, Netflix, Disney+ and Spotify so I can heal and actually live a fulfilling life—one that I am proud of. God for always watching over me and giving us this beautiful world we live in.

I'm still struggling with this as well. In the past when I would be able to give up video games, I would struggle to get out of bed some mornings or spend too much or too little time to my various tasks of the day. I think in life there will always be bad habits you are fighting against, however, with time they will get better and they will have less of an impact on your day to day life. I think just doing your best to instill those good habits/strong habits and keeping them consistent will help decrease that feeling that you aren't getting anything done. Just a little bit of progress helps you to your goals. Again though everything takes time. Best wishes, Ace

Never Going Back Hello everyone, I am back once more after being severely screwed over. The internet in my opinion is desolate of encouraging, kind people. When I refer to the internet, I am talking about social media. I won't go into many details about the glaring issues the platforms our youth is addicted to have, as I have ranted about it enough. In summary, people on there love toxicity, and the people there, aren't even real friends. They are just text with the blanks filled out by images to give the mirage that you're having a genuine connection, yet those people could be a 50 year old man from anywhere in the world, online to pray against younger people. They are designed to give you that dopamine, that instant gratification that is so dangerous. This entry is to say good riddance. I am done, officially done. I am not going to sit around and take anymore of the pain. I will fix my sleep schedule, succeed in all my classes, pick up new hobbies, and make new friends, actually getting my life back on track. I have high hopes for myself because I am also tired of being depressed, not confident and not believing in myself or my dreams. I can do anything I set my mind to that I put effort into. On top of that my YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and Discord addictions have all kind of fallen off the radar. I'd say the only social media I really use the most is Instagram, yet I am good at controlling that too. I will update here daily in terms of my thoughts and progress. THIS IS MY HEALING PROCESS I am thankful for: My loving parents for endlessly supporting me even though I can get heated and snap at them sometimes My education for giving me the opportunity to diversity in knowledge and connecting me with others God for always watching over me and keeping me on the right path when I've gone astray Myself for quitting games and social media Best Ace

Something your journal is helping me realize is how useful and refreshing it is to write down what you are grateful for. I used to do this in my journal, but I stopped, thinking that I could just remember what good happened to me every day. Noticing that, that's not plausible for me, despite my good memory. Writing it out gives it more volume and character–a louder voice, if you will. Inspired me to get back to it no matter what occurred, as it's easy to focus on the negativity and the bad in this world. Keep up the great work. Ace

I need to remember how important sleep is. If i don't get a consistent amount it can lead to serious health problems later in life. Need to set a routine sleep is also a time to rejuvenate from the day and relax. I'm going to set my morning, evening routines as other times to rest along with sleep itself.

Thank you for your words Ikar. You're right as long as I am there for that friend, that can show i care and my support. Illnesses at that level just suck though. As for the rocky friendship, my roommate is like somehow an expert on friendships so i discussed it with them and they said that the person in question was trying to be more social and stuff but i think it's better just to give space because without a solid base you can't really have a strong friendship. And that's what we've experienced Drawing is one of my favorite hobbies to do, helps me forget about issues around me and just create. It's my first time drawing in 5 years, so I'm a bit rusty but I grow and learn I'm really grateful for my roommate, they are wonderful and so supportive and like the first real friend I've had, so I'm so thankful I met them. Worry still lingers in the back of my mind, idk what's going on with that. Best Ace