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No useless videos for 90 days.


Yan
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Day 17 - Today I booked a flight to Madrid and back for a month ( I still have no Idea where I'm gonna stay, and how it is all going to happen ) so I was quite busy imaginating all that I have to do. And not for a second thought of games or videos.
Day 15 Sticking to food schedule - I am trying to go to sleep earlier and earlier, and so I combined lunch and dinner again. Not at all optimal, but it is what it is.
P.S. Tomorrow is Judgement Day (Yom Kippur) and I'm planning on fasting. So tomorrow and two days from now will both have meals that are stuffed together. Wish me luck =/

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Entry 05.10 (Yom Kippur, copied later since I was abstaining from technology and wrote it on paper)
Day 17: No gaming video or useles videos.
-Had no craving today. Was concentrated on preparing for Yom Kippur
-Came late to the shop (for food) because of yom kippur.
Day 15 sticking to food schedule
Combined 3 meals together because of Yom Kippur

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Posted (edited)

Day 18: No Gaming or useless videos
Had a bit of thoughts about it when doing my routine of cleaning up after dishes at 03:30 am as always...
Day 16: Sticking to food schedule
Ate in a messed up order again because the shop hasen't opebed yet(still within schedule just combining meals)

 

Edited by Yan
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23 hours ago, Lemynaded said:

Hey!

Good going, keep it up!

Thanks!

Day 19: No Useless videos 
Had to go to shop today instead of tuesday and it messed up my day since i'm not used to it, therefor I only managed to work 1 hour on the project. That's the third day in a row, I should shame on myself... Even though it was Yom kippur and i was festing, I could still work more. At least on tuesday... Because on wednesday the fest ended at 19:00, and I've made a rule to myself to work up to 20:00 on the project... All this and cutting my workout in the middle, thinking of completing it in the eveniing, plus not finding the bill from the store to write down how much I spent made me anxious and I started thinking of our famous video game videos viewing... But, I managed to escape to cleaning the house instead. I guess it's sort of a win...

Day 17: Eating within schedule
Today I made a small change to the food schedule (for the next 5 days.
 

 

On 9/21/2022 at 3:08 AM, Yan said:

Day 4 - Having thought about whether I should really delete my Steam account, which I didn't touch for more than 5 years aswell as my Minecraft account which I also didn't touch about the same period of time..
Especially since my little brother just got a new gaming computer, and I've been thinking of handing it down to him.


(No going over food schedule day 2) - Today it has come to my attention that I'm terribly underweight. 
Height 174 cm Weight 51.9 kg.
I was already underweight, 54.5, the last time I measured, but this is a new record.

That doesn't mean I am to renag on this commitment.

I will just adjust the schedule and weight myself again in two weeks(Adding dates and avocado, about 500 calories together. Peanut butter was already there, I was just cutting down on it in the last few days because I overate it earlier.

Breakfast:
Orange - 1 piece
Tomato - 1 piece
Cucumber - 1 piece
Tofu - 75 grams
Oatmeal(Dry before cooking) - 50 grams
Soy/oat/almond/alternative milk - 200 ml
Flux seeds - 12 grams
Brazil nuts - 12 grams
Almonds - 25 grams
Sunflower seeds - 25 grams
Bread - 3 pieces (About 90 grams, but may be more or less)
Salt - about 2 grams
Avocado - 100g
Dates - 2-3 units (about 40g)


Lunch:
Banana - 1 piece
Carrot - 2-3 pieces (about 200 grams)
Peas - 100 - 150 grams ( Up to 150 to end the can of 335g )
Cabbage - 35 g
Tofu - 75 g
Red Lentils(dry before cooking) - 70g
Nutritional Yeast - 6 g
Almonds - 25g
Sunflower seeds -25g
Bread - 3 pieces (about 90g)
Peanut Butter - 60g
Dates - 2-3 units (about 40g)


Dinner:
Apple - 1 piece
Cabbage - 35g
Spinach - 100g

Broccoli - 100g
Rice(dry before cooking) - 70g
Tahini - 50g
Salt - 2g
Dates - 2-3 units (about 40g)

I have now added:
Breakfast: 20 g almonds, 20g sunflower seeds
Lunch: 20g almond, 20g sunflower seeds, Olives up to 50g for a few dayys and Olive oil up to 50g for a few days.
Also I changed the orange for 5 days and took 5 apples instead since acid reflux caused me to have throat pain, and I didn't want to eat acidic fruits (Well apples are a bit less... That's also the reason why I took only a bit of olives to test if the irritation continues

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Day 20: No Useless Videos
Had a thought or two of gaming again, and have been thinking what new activities I'd like to do instead.
In the morning used up about 1.45h on trying to order gas, then I completed the workout from the day before  (which took 3 hrs) and so I actually worked only 5h 40m instead of 7h 30m, and that until 3 30 am, which is quite uneffective because there are not much deliveries at that time. Tomorrow will try to complete it to 9h 10m
Day 18: Sticking to food schedule
Awesome, this commitment got me in a hurry to eat before 00:00 and I ate all 3 meals. 
Although they were stuck very close to eachother, because of the workout and gas call.

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Hi Yan, great job with the consistent updates! Don't feel shame for not working as much as you'd like. Even sitting down and working for an hour is a huge win.

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9 hours ago, Jon said:

Hi Yan, great job with the consistent updates! Don't feel shame for not working as much as you'd like. Even sitting down and working for an hour is a huge win.

Thanks for the kind words. For a person who never works 1 hour is a win. For a person who used to work on it 6 hours each day, that's procrastination....
The excuse I'm giving myself is that I want to work as a courier to earn more money so that I can make the move to Spain...

On the one hand, I know I need to have one goal on top of all the others, and it clearly is working on the marketing project. The more I do that, the closer I come to financial freedom, and the more time I'll be able to allow to everything else.

On the other hand I have long been telling myself that I should make the move at the same time of working on the project, though my assumptions were based on me achieving some measure of financial freedom a lot sooner. So I'm trying to compensate for this delay. And because I'm failing to decide which one takes priority, I just keep working as a courier, which is sorta the easy way out....

Don't feel obligated to answer this message with some insight 🙂 I'm just spilling my thoughts in text. Maybe this reflection will help me understand myself better.

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Day 21: No Useless Videos
I think that the move gets me busy, and so I think of gaming vids less(I still do)
What I am fighting more is the food part. Because I see food all the time when working as a courier
Day 19: Sticking to Food schedule

I really wanted to make the weekend bonus today in the deliveries and so I cramped breakfast and lunch together ( Although I planned in the morning just to add a small part of the lunch to it, I ended up eating most of the lunch with it. Listening to the voice of "Just one more" within the moment is a step to a bad direction. 

I should probably not omit any diet parts because it is well planned so that I get all the nutrients. 
That said, if I decide in advance that I want to eat only a certain thing, I should listen to that voice of reason, which is more sober. Because anytime I allow the "here and now" voice to take over, all the areas of my life suffer. Because I go into unplanned mode, and do not shape my life according to my real values..

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Day 22 No Useless videos:
The number is growing! The only time I thought of gaming videos today was when I saw some guy on an eBike, and he looked a bit overweight. I associated riding an eBike with the feeling of easiness and gaming together. And just for a slight second had a craving. But I very quickly told myself how grateful I was for having the potential to bring my higher long term purposes into life with the price of short term pleasures, and moved on. How lucky are we to have such control! 🙂 

Day 20: Sticking to Food Schedule
I have been eating right before going out on the bike for quite some time now and a few days ago I had a severe throat pain after workout. After a quick read on google I saw that this might be due to acid reflux (Working out after eating) Though I didn't eat before the morning workout. I did eat before the evening bike ride as I always do.

Today I've been conscious of that and after eating a big meal tried to go easy on myself, but still this should not be something that happens routinely. But it's quite difficult to find the solution for this if I want to eat 3 meals.
Let the thought process begin. 🙂

Thanks for reading. If there's anything you guys would like me to elaborate on, feel free to ask.

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I think I remember hearing somewhere that it takes 28 days or something to get rid a habit / form a new one.

You're getting there! Keep it up! All of this should get even easier as time goes on

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12 hours ago, Lemynaded said:

I think I remember hearing somewhere that it takes 28 days or something to get rid a habit / form a new one.

You're getting there! Keep it up! All of this should get even easier as time goes on

True, as time goes on it becomes a part of our identity. But unless we fill the missing void, we are still very likely to relapse (Which I did once).

Thanks for the encouragement!

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Day 23 No Useless Videos: 
A very short day to go a little bit back in schedule times.
Yesterday went to sleep at 7 am, today the plan was 2 30, but It seems like it's going to be 5..
I hope I can soon get to sleeping at 22:00 constantly.

Day 21 Sticking to food schedule
I cramped a part of lunch together with breakfast so as to have one meal and leave to bike, also so that I could go to sleep earlier.
Hope tomorrow this won't be needed. Although I keep making my workouts longer and longer and It is quite difficult. But I hope I'll manage (Also tomorrow plan to do workout 3 hrs after breakfast instead of the usual empty stomach workout so that i don't fest for 20+ hrs. This is going to be a challenge, because the later the workout the more excuses come up.
 

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Day 24 No Useless Videos: 
Was really close to repeating the habit of watching, because I overate, but I was aware of it and tried to compensate with a resting habit. Eventually I just dropped to sleep, which is bad. I should have washed dishes and learned a language. 
Nonetheless, I didn't watch them. Another day saved
Day 22: Sticking to food schedule
I only ate one meal today because unexcpectedly It turned out that I had an appointment of 4 hrs to learn a new job.
Then when I came back home I was supposed to workout according to plan, but I didn't eat all the nutrients that I was supposed to, and it was already 23 10, which means that I wouldn't be able to eath the nutrients after 12:00 so I started eating instead of working out.

Then when 12:00 passed I continued eating foods of the next day.
Procrastination is the enemy of discipline so probably I shouldn't have done that. Also I skipped my whole evening routine and just dropped to sleep because I ate a lot.

One problem is that my workout took me 8 hours today, that's why I get to the situation of sleeping at 5 am.... It always gets longer and longer, and I don't want to give up on other stuff, so I give up on sleep.

Also I dropped to bed because I didn't want to do my usual 5 hours at 23 00 despite writing it in schedule, because it kind of hurts my health.

Sorry if this post seems scattered. If you need any further clarifications let me know

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Day 25 No Useless Videos: 
No cravings to that today. An 8 hour workout took almost my entire day.
Still recovering from skipping evening routine.
Hoping to make tomorrow's workout shorter.

Day 23: Sticking to food schedule
Eaten just exactly what is left for today without repeating the after 00 00 binging. Great job 🙂
Also, should drink water in between workout parts( After completing Chest workout and Abs workout for example ) As after 6 7 hours I'm starting to feel super weak, and I want also to have a physical benefit to the workout, not only mental (As abstaining from water is a mental benefit, because it works on our ability to withstand harsh situations. Plus in a run for example, you're not gonna stop and drink...)

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Day 26 No Useless Videos:
Today when I was working on my marketing project I started marking some text to make it distinct and one of the colors terribly reminded me the color of the gang that I joined in San Andreas Multiplayer the last time I relapsed.
I think I really need to buy myself a charger for my old phone so that I can erase all the passwords of the accounts in SAMP, maybe it will help me remove this part from my Identity.
I have previously relapsed because it was long a part of my dreams to come up in the hierarchy in the game and become a gang "leader" and get power and influence through it.
But I understand that this is not true influence and just slaving away for the creators of the server in order to get power over kids....
Logically makes sense but even as I write this sentence there's a craving to go check the amount of people online on the server on the website, to see that "god forbid" the server is not down and I could still return to it one day.

Day 24: Sticking to food schedule
Woke up at 11, finished workout at 17 including shower and stretches (Also a bit of fantasizing over food during the workout)
at 17 - 18 ate breakfast
at 21:30-22:30 combined lunch and dinner (Apart for rice which needs cooking + it would've been a huge meal if I would've added rice aswell, it was big as is already)
Still no Idea how to do 3 meals with enough breaks in between and manage to not go to bike delivery right afterwards.

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Day 27 No Useless Videos:
Just in a few words, cause I want to go to bed. (5 am now) I reached the 90 day milestone on the habbit of eating only things that I bought, hooray!!! That is really amazing!
No special cravings that come to mind right now
Day 25 Sticking to Food Schedule
Within boundaries but stuffed lunch and dinner together again right before going out on the bike. Also again made 4hr workout instead of the planned 2.

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Day 28: No Uselesss Videos
Some cravings in the evening again at evening routine. Also a problematic moment that my brother calls me to help him setup his PC.
I really want to help him but it triggers emotions within me. This will subside as I go further as long as I find activities to replace the gaaming void with.
Day 26: Sticking to food schedule
3 separate meals. I actually started feeling hungry between lunch and dinner. Awesome.
Now it's gonna be challenging not to start binging again.

The only problem is I hope it's gonna be ok that I eat and do physical activity straight away..... because with 4-9hrs of daily riding there's no escape from it.
Probably I should mentally prepare to start reducing those riding hours anyway because I want to eventually do 6hrs of marketing project and it must come at the cost of something. This something probably will be the bike and money.

 

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Day 29: No Useless Videos
Making progress to replace the needs gaming fulfilled. Very slowly, but hopefully surely 😄 (Attaching Images below) Although all this is just theory of course. No obligation here. What happens when the rubber meets the road is key.
Day 27: Sticking to Food Schedule
Made a very short day today by replacing a 4 hour bike ride with a run of 1.25 hrs
And going to sleep at around 01:30 in comparison to 06:00 yesterday. To make this change I cut down on lentils and ate lunch and dinner together.

This shouldn't repeat itself though as my only two sources of protein are Tofu and Lentils. And I'm pretty sure that tofu doesn't have as much amino acids as I need. And in the quantity that I eat it, not even enough protein as a macronutrient(Just protein grams) to begin with 

 

Снимок экрана (932).png

Снимок экрана (933).png

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Day 30: No Useless Videos
Today I decided to help my small 13 yr old brother Install Minecraft on his computer as he asked me for a long time( I did it from remote as we live in different cities ).
That awakes the gaming juices and feelings of nostalgia...  But got to remember that those are fake, and gaming brings no achievement and just swallows the most precious resource that we have on this earth into servitude to others, instead of striving for our own goals.
Also, I'm really wondering how moral it is... On the one hand I have no control over his life and am really not there for him and he only has my mom next to him, who doesn't really help him feel competence...
So gaming could be a source for him to learn social skills.
On the other hand it build addiction in him, that he has no control over as he's a minor.
I've long discussed with him and mother a contract about gaming an X amount of hours between them which they both sign to balance out the gaming hours.
But I'm not so sure it is going to stick.

What do you guys think? Is it immoral to give him games why I am trying to break free from them?

Day 28: Sticking to food schedule.
Ate 3 seperate meals but with quite short breaks (3 hours and 2 hours) and also rode on the bike right after lunch and dinner.
Hope I'm not doing too much damage with the physical activity right after food.

Also was trying to rewind schedule even further back so that I could sleep at 21 and wake up at 05 ( that's the reason for not making bigger breaks in between meals.

Also, was feeling cravings in the morning to continue eating but having this diary stopped me. Thank you!

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Entry 19.10(Night 18.10)
Day 31: No Useless Videos

Cravings still come, especially after eating a big meal and giving in to the emotion of feeling tired, instead of following schedule.
Also have to mention that my workouts are getting out of control again. Each workout I add more reps and it is now taking me about 5.5 hrs and that is without the cool down of 40 min run and 20 min running stairs, and the stretches.
I must remember that I don't want to be an olympic athlete but just a healthy individual. My main goal however suffers terribly! I just worked 1 hour on the marketing project which is unacceptable.

Still it just feels as a downgrade to reduce it........ 
Then again there's the thought of the fact that if I reduce the workouts i'll have to eat less, and I love to eat 😞
But I guess I could just eat more volume foods and I will feel full. Must not be so afraid of change.

In any case I'm waiting for my weight vest to come, then I will at least reduce 1 of the 2 workouts to 3 hrs and use time as an indication rather than reps. Then if it will be too easy, I could always add weight.
For the second workout I'll have to buy leg weights ( Because it's an abs and back workout and in many exercises I'm laying on the floor so a vest would be of no use ).

Also, have sent a message for more details about public speaking group and keeping on looking for apartment for the 1 month stay, and a job for the long hall in Spain.

But the most important thing is that I planned my week to have two 6 hour workdays on marketing project and one of 4, Got to accomplish this!!!! Just a small step back to the 6 hour work standard.
Day 29: Following food schedule
Dinner and lunch together again today. Also made a food purchase for two weeks with no changes and weighed myself after workout. Now 52.650 kg. (Height 174 cm reminding you) Which is 400 gram raise in one week. I'm in a good direction.

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Entry 19.10 ( Already 20.10 )
Day 32: No Useless Videos
Lots of cravings especially when driving very slow on the bike because of being full.
- 4 hrs marketing project today! Awesome
Day 30: Following Food Schedule
Still holding strong, todays entry very short 'cause I'd prefer to go to sleep

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Entry 20.10 ( Already 21.10 )
Day 33: No Useless Videos
Cravings hit me again when I ate combined lunch and dinner. This has to stop I have to plan it differently, as I even noticed blood in my stool, which I'm pretty sure i either just becaue of eating a lot or because of the combination of eating a lot and doing physical activity,,, (Still I already have the week planned so I'll stick to it but will jut pass on dinner parts, once more feeling very sleepy, so cutting thi post short 🙂
Day 31: Following Food Schedule
Still feelng very sleepy. Stuffed lunch and dinner together, hopefully for the last time and from now on hopefully  3 separate meals with nice and long breaks in between (hopefully 4 hours)

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I also want to add that I have cut the workout at the 5 hour point today, without the intention to compensate for it later, which is an accomplishment in my opinion. I should keep this barrier from now on, and of course when the weight vest arrives, and hopefully when I order the leg weights ( I want to wait till next month so that it fits my budget plan ) then I'll reduce it even further, because the weight will be increased.

This is because I want to accomplish my meaning in life, and I realize it's not being an Elite Athlete. I want to work towards financial freedom, so that I can have more available time, and working out more and more won't bring me to that. 

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entry 21.10 (Already 22.10)
Day 34: No Useless Videos

Cravings take place when coming back home and doing evening routine at 2 am...
Day 32: Sticking to food schedule
Sat down to eat at Max Brenner ( A sweets shop, because that's where I ended a delivery on bike delivery and needed to charge my phone to continue deliveries) And it has given me urges of thinking of sweets.
Especially when I'm already consuming food I always want more afterwards. But, yet again the progress I've made in these two areas, and the 97 day streak of eating only food I bought (Adding an image), and the last but not least, the commitment to you guys hold me well. Thank you so much for being here, and again thank you Cam for this community!

On another subject, I've emotionally went to sleep about 6 hours ago ( about 02:45 in the middle of writing this entry.) This shouldn't happen. All I needed was about 10 more minutes for this diary, my personal diary and Affirmations, plus an alarm clock and documenting my sleep time.

Screenshot_2022-10-22-08-51-15-090_com.sociosoft.sobertime.jpg

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