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Max
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On 5/26/2022 at 4:05 AM, Lobares said:

Whether you are ready or not for the exam at the end, the important thing is that you built up a new habit and you hopefully continue with this (maybe not that intensive) for a longer period of time. Thats the real achievement, because with the good habits all those things will be easily achievable in the future even if you fail this time simply because it wasnt possible in that time. So push through.

I doubt I would continue studying after exams. I would be completely burnt out. Most likely I'll go back to gaming 12 hours a day right after my last exam.

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Posted (edited)

After the exams(btw in which year are you?) you could/should probably focus on finding new hobbys, building up a good daily routine with fun and productive stuff for you. I mean the reason you are only studying all day along rn is because your priority are those exams, and you have a lack of time already. But afterwards you can actually start to change your life to what you want it to be. And dont worry, even learning 14hours per day will not get you burned out, this takes a lot more time than 1-2month. You feel exhausted sure, but youll come back stronger again, dw

Edited by Lobares
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On 5/27/2022 at 5:44 AM, Lobares said:

After the exams(btw in which year are you?) you could/should probably focus on finding new hobbys, building up a good daily routine with fun and productive stuff for you.

I've graduated high school last year and couldn't go to uni because my exam scores were too bad for any decent university. So I have to take these exams again in order to continue. The problem is that I've spent this whole year gaming and procrastinating, so it won't be an easy task.

When it comes to hobbies and daily routines it all sounds great but my gaming addiction makes it almost impossible to achieve.

On 5/27/2022 at 5:44 AM, Lobares said:

But afterwards you can actually start to change your life to what you want it to be.

Let's see. At first I have to survive next month somehow.

On 5/27/2022 at 5:44 AM, Lobares said:

And dont worry, even learning 14hours per day will not get you burned out, this takes a lot more time than 1-2month. You feel exhausted sure, but youll come back stronger again, dw

I hope you're right.

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Day 21.

Wake up time: 6 AM.

Studying: 8 hours 46 minutes.

Very disappointed in my studying performance. 

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Posted (edited)

Day 22.

Wake up time: 7 AM.

Studying hours: ~6 hours (forgot to start timer 1 time).

Yesterday was shit. Due to technical issues I went to sleep at almost 12 AM while being angry as fuck. When it comes to studying I can not keep up with my schedule that causes anxiety and make me sad and angry at the same time. I also was too tired to study in the afternoon so I just went to bed and was laying with an iPad watching youtube before I fell asleep. Horrible day.

Edited by Max
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Hi Max! 

I hope you're feeling better soon. It's an extraordinary task that you've taken on and I think no matter what happens, it's really cool what you're doing. Remember to take a break and do something like go take some photographs in a park for 30 minutes though!  It's a proven fact that nature can really help improve our mental capacity after all! 

If you can, I recommend getting this book in some way or form https://www.booktopia.com.au/how-to-be-a-successful-student-richard-e-mayer/book/9781138319868.html  - it's great for helping find new ways to approach studying and how to make it more meaningful so you don't feel like you're just smashing your head up against a brick wall.  There are probably similar books out there so hopefully, you'll find something useful. 

Wishing you all the luck!  

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Day 23.

Wake up time: 6 AM.

Studying: 8 hours 44 minutes.

Today was much better. Still out of pace but I’ve managed to do a lot of work today.

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On 5/29/2022 at 10:17 AM, Proxee said:

Hi Max! 

I hope you're feeling better soon. It's an extraordinary task that you've taken on and I think no matter what happens, it's really cool what you're doing. Remember to take a break and do something like go take some photographs in a park for 30 minutes though!  It's a proven fact that nature can really help improve our mental capacity after all! 

If you can, I recommend getting this book in some way or form https://www.booktopia.com.au/how-to-be-a-successful-student-richard-e-mayer/book/9781138319868.html  - it's great for helping find new ways to approach studying and how to make it more meaningful so you don't feel like you're just smashing your head up against a brick wall.  There are probably similar books out there so hopefully, you'll find something useful. 

Wishing you all the luck!  

Thank you! I am taking 10 minute breaks after every hour of studying. I’ve been thinking about going outside to have a rest, but I don’t think it’s possible with my schedule right now. My only big breaks are for eating.

I will definitely take a look at that book, but only in July. I have no time for anything but studying until my exams.

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Posted (edited)

Day 24.

Wake up time: 6 AM.

Studying: 6 hours 42 minutes.

Not much done today because I've had headache since afternoon and it's annoying. On a good note I think it's important to stay consistent when your day is shit and something goes wrong. Also my cravings to play are a lot weaker today so I've decided to move my detox milestone from exam dates to 90 days of detox. I've been here for almost 2 years and never was able to reach even 2 months. If not my exams I would relapse at least 5 times already, but that pressure keeps me going. Also constantly facing terrific consequences of my gaming is a good reminder why I should quit forever. While studying I'm constantly thinking why I was so dumb to postpone all the important things. 

Edited by Max
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1) You are 100% right, the most important thing is to push through especially on the rough days. I mean those are the days where we would normally relapse. On easy, much progression days its simple to stay on track.

2) Take the emotions and use them do stay on track, to built up the routine. Motivation has much more downsides, its not really useful. I used to have much motivation but it never lead to something useful. It can be the reason to start, but the routine is the important point, which can keep you on track for a longer period of time. Motivation vanishs really quickly.

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On 5/31/2022 at 4:19 AM, Lobares said:

Take the emotions and use them do stay on track, to built up the routine. Motivation has much more downsides, its not really useful. I used to have much motivation but it never lead to something useful. It can be the reason to start, but the routine is the important point, which can keep you on track for a longer period of time. Motivation vanishs really quickly.

I absolutely agree with this. Motivation is volatile and it won't take me anywhere. I should focus on my routines (system) instead of my goals (motivation). I am not motivated to study every day, I am driven. 

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Day 25.

Wake up time: 6 AM.

Studying: 2 hours 41 minutes.

I went to the doctor in the morning and was diagnosed with gastritis cause by H Pylori. That shit sucks but I'm starting my treatment tomorrow so I think I'll be fine. Also my sister came from Germany to visit, so I've spent the evening with my family. So it wasn't very productive studying day, but I've done a lot of other important things. So in the end I'm happy how it turned out. 

Also because of my treatment I have to shift my eating schedule 'cause my diet is very restricted and I can't cook myself because I don't have time, and I have to take pills before and during eating. So I have to shift my sleeping schedule as well. I'll wake up at 9 AM from no on. Let's see if it affects my productivity. I think it's gonna be fine. 

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15 hours ago, Max said:

Day 25.

Wake up time: 6 AM.

Studying: 2 hours 41 minutes.

I went to the doctor in the morning and was diagnosed with gastritis cause by H Pylori. That shit sucks but I'm starting my treatment tomorrow so I think I'll be fine. Also my sister came from Germany to visit, so I've spent the evening with my family. So it wasn't very productive studying day, but I've done a lot of other important things. So in the end I'm happy how it turned out. 

Also because of my treatment I have to shift my eating schedule 'cause my diet is very restricted and I can't cook myself because I don't have time, and I have to take pills before and during eating. So I have to shift my sleeping schedule as well. I'll wake up at 9 AM from no on. Let's see if it affects my productivity. I think it's gonna be fine. 

There's value in spending time with family so glad to hear you're not too bummed about the studying part of the day.  But mostly ouch in regards to the gastritis - I'd be probably be giving up for the rest of day so think its great that you're rolling with the punches and continuing with stuff!  Fingers crossed for this next week for you though I'm sure you don't need it

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On 6/1/2022 at 2:57 PM, Proxee said:

There's value in spending time with family so glad to hear you're not too bummed about the studying part of the day.  But mostly ouch in regards to the gastritis - I'd be probably be giving up for the rest of day so think its great that you're rolling with the punches and continuing with stuff!  Fingers crossed for this next week for you though I'm sure you don't need it

Yeah gastritis is not fun but I don’t have time to waste. Also this February I had swollen veins in my testicles due to extremely intense workouts with weights in the gym, I was in constant unbearable pain and needed a surgery. So to numb the pain I’ve just played all day neglecting everything I had to do. I can’t let this happen again, every time I fail I learn something that makes me stronger in the future. And I’ve failed a lot.

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Day 26.

Wake up time: ~8 AM.

Studying: 5 hours 15 minutes + ~1 hour without timer.

The weather was great today, it was the warmest day so far peaking at 23 degrees. I started my day by going for a small walk around my neighborhood. Then after studying all day I went for another walk in the evening. Even a small 40 minute walk helps to relax and clear my mind. Considering my insane pace at learning math and physics I really need to chill a bit.

I am still way behind my schedule, but I decided to take my time to learn subject properly instead of rushing through. I might have bad results at my exams because I won’t be ready by the date and everyone will be completely disappointed in me. But it’s okay, I get what I deserve. 

 

 

 

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Day 27.

Wake up time: ~8 AM.

Studying: 4 hours 43 minutes.

Today was probably the most important day of my entire life. I decided to study on my own, so I don’t need to write those exams anymore. It’s gonna be really hard, but I want to make it. Now I’m a failure in everyones eyes, but I’m gonna prove them wrong.

Starting tomorrow I’ll be learning Python programming mixed with a little bit of math and physics. After that I’m gonna improve my Java skills, electronics and then finally low level microcontroller programming and FPGA designing. I will still study subjects for those university exams, so if I decide to got to university I could do it next year. 

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Day 28. 

Wake up time: 9 AM.

Studying: idk, I'm not counting anymore so I think I don't need this line anymore.

To be honest I'm a bit clueless. I am not exactly sure what I want to do in my life. One part of me wants to push trough and go to university, but another part knows that it's almost impossible and I don't really want to go there, and should go straight to work instead. I also have pressure from my dad and brother, because they are counting on me to pass. But my mom said that she would support me no matter what I choose and that the exams aren't that important in life. I feel ashamed of myself. If I would just forget about exams and do my own thing many people would be completely disappointed in me. And I really do care what others think about me, especially my family members. But I want to go straight to working in software development. I am just a clueless kid having no idea what to do.

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Mate, you take the final decision. I think its right to listen to family members, family is the most important thing in life. I would ask myself, what your goal is. Where do you want to work later? If you dont know the answer for 100%, then the answer is clear: study something, which you can actually finish so you get a degree. If you know what you want to do, then ask yourself whether in this area you need a degree. If you want to be a software developer, oh yea, if you want a decent job, you need that degree. You will still have to learn programming languages on your own, they will not explain shit in university. Its all about you. But: you get a degree at the end. Thats what matters for many many people unless you are some crazy genius and you perform so extremly well in coding so ppl dont care about a degree(probably wont happen). 

 

Right now the only reason I see why you dont want to study are those school exams which you have to do, right? Assuming you still have enough time to pass(with enough points to get to the university which is sufficient for you), the only thing you have to do is to keep studying. For me the answer is clear, push through those weeks which are left, complete it. Then you have the free choice: study or not. Then thats truly your decision because right now its more like you just want to dodge the work.

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On 6/4/2022 at 12:30 AM, Lobares said:

Mate, you take the final decision. I think its right to listen to family members, family is the most important thing in life. I would ask myself, what your goal is. Where do you want to work later? If you dont know the answer for 100%, then the answer is clear: study something, which you can actually finish so you get a degree. If you know what you want to do, then ask yourself whether in this area you need a degree. If you want to be a software developer, oh yea, if you want a decent job, you need that degree. You will still have to learn programming languages on your own, they will not explain shit in university. Its all about you. But: you get a degree at the end. Thats what matters for many many people unless you are some crazy genius and you perform so extremly well in coding so ppl dont care about a degree(probably wont happen). 

 

Right now the only reason I see why you dont want to study are those school exams which you have to do, right? Assuming you still have enough time to pass(with enough points to get to the university which is sufficient for you), the only thing you have to do is to keep studying. For me the answer is clear, push through those weeks which are left, complete it. Then you have the free choice: study or not. Then thats truly your decision because right now its more like you just want to dodge the work.

I give up

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  • 2 months later...

Today is my 2 year anniversary here. I am still worthless piece of shit. Two years of struggling and suffering and I'm still severely addicted.

But I feel so fucking bad after playing Overwatch, I have to fucking end this somehow. I've uninstalled yesterday, so it's day 1 for me. I've got some updates on my life since last post.

So yeah, I gave up indeed.

I miserably failed one of my exams and didn't even go on a second one.  My score was as bad as a year before.  I couldn't go to university again. I am stuck being completely alone, without any education. But my brother offered me a job, so I started to work as an electrical engineer. I'm not doing any complex stuff, but it's good enough to get me occupied for a couple of months until the end of project. And honestly I've been mostly enjoying my job, it makes me feel less worthless. The good thing is that I'm not depressed anymore as I've been when I started 2 years ago, I'm full of ideas of different projects and I'm willing to learn. Don't think that I want to go to university, pretty sure I can find my own ways to deeply learn complex stuff. But Overwatch has always been on the way, so I need to get rid of it to move on to more exciting stuff.

On the other note I've got some serious health issues since the beginning of this year, already got 2 surgeries. Seems like everything's gonna be fine, but this year is ruined for me for sure. I guess it'll take another 3 months to fully recover.

Judging from my past experience, Overwatch is not my only problem. After stopping gaming I tend to procrastinate on YouTube and watch anime instead of doing anything productive. What I want to do is a full dopamine detox. This includes not eating any junk food, not using any social media (I don't have any anyway), not watching any movies, Netflix, anime, YouTube etc. I would also like to stop listening to music for this period, because I think that I do it too much.

 

So, this is my plans for now. I hope my future would be more successful than my last 2 years.

Max, video gaming addict form Russia.

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Day 2. 
 

I’ve been working this whole week and doing small tasks from my goal list. It feels pretty good, I’ll try to continue this way. Today is my day off, so I’m planning to go to the library. I wanted to go there since forever and it’s finally happening. I’ve got a lot of things to do and it’s very exciting!

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