On the road to a better life ... - My way out of the addiction.

[nils]

 My introduction:

 

Alright, here I am trying to write down my thoughts on my first day of journaling. I am not quite sure how often I will be able to write. Since I have to learn for my exam until May, I perhaps wont write on a daily basis but I try to be consistent at least. 

Today was one of the worse days. I stood up at 10 am (too late). Having consistent sleep rhythms is something I really struggle at since I am more an owl than a lark concerning my "inner clock". So I rarely fall asleep before 12 p.m. But the day started just fine. I stood up and made some posture exercises in order to activate my muscles. I went to the supermarket, bought some rolls and made breakfast. I had a nice talk with one of my roommates (I live with 2 other ppl in a flat share). Then I started my PC and answered some mails. I then heard some classical music on Youtube. I guess I should have learned one hour or so but I often need to feel some pressure in order to study well (in this case the upcoming exam). Atm I just dont feel it and so I took a slower approach for starting my day. I then had an appointment and had to drive 1 hour with the car. Afterwards I drove home, bought some cake and visited my sister who was writing an important exam today, also medicine. She really put a lot of effort in learning and has much more medicinal knowledge than me already though I am ahead 1,5 years. She also has a boyfriend who is one of the best medical students in his cohort and who is learning for the same exam I have to face in a month. This is something that makes me really sad, seeing how much I am behind in studies and seeing how other students make progress while I am kinda on a standstill. I know it is important to not compare myself with others. The better option is to compare my current self with my "old me". But it is still a thing that preys on my mind and makes me sad. Dont get me wrong I am NOT envious of my sister because I know she did the work and her success is the result of that. I guess I see in her a better version of me, a person I once have been before my League of Legends addiction.

In the afternoon the feeling of sadness persisted. I am hating the kind of person I am right now. I was thinking about League today too, but didnt feel any cravings. One thought that kept my mind busy today, was my music on Spotify. The songs I often hear when I am outside or doing fitness are EDM songs that I know from some LoL montages on Youtube. I really like them and they dont let me think about LoL all the time but I wonder whether they are a trigger for my addiction and whether I should delete them since they are kind of a bond to my memories of playing LoL.

I then went out to a book shop in the evening and bought a book I want to work with during my study sessions. I felt sad all the time and still feel this way. But I remind me that I can do it, that I can get rid of the addiction!

I will now try to do some fitness. Fitness is a big resource for me at the moment. I am a little overweight (not much but still ... ) and always have been an "emotianal eater". Sugar is my weakness, especially in the form of ice cream 😅 And I eat sugary food when I feel sad from time to time - but not today which is a little achievement 😉 Yesterday I allowed myself a Ben & Jerry`s because I felt a hard craving for LoL but resisted the urge of downloading the game again. I hope you allow me this little sin if it helps fighting my addiction, at least in the real dark moments where I am to relapse. But today I felt no cravings, thank god.

Nevertheless, my goal is to lose a few pounds of weight and to get in a good shape. Next week I am planning to go out bouldering again (this week I still need to be careful because of the surgery I had a few weeks ago).

My big goals for the next weeks are:

• passing this stupid exam 😁
• doing sports on a regular basis again (2-3 times a week at least)
• eating healthy plant-based foods
• staying strong when it comes to my last LoL account --> it gets deleted somewhere near the 22nd or 23rd of April. I could undo the deletion by a few clicks, but I know I mustnt.

Thats it for now. Doing some fitness now, afterwards I try to read some pages in my new study book. And then its time for bed! 🙂

Thanks for reading and stay strong and focused everyone! 😄

 

 

Edit:

I remembered I still had an old file with saved outplays on my computer. Just deleted it after my workout session so now there is really no LoL content that could trigger me on my PC by any chance, unless I search for it on purpose.

Edited April 6, 2022 by nils
further notes

[Amphibian220]

Way to go, At 26 years you are coming clean, this is commendable. honesty and accountability lays the path to great successes.

I had to deal with German doctors, and in all instances they showed outstanding performance, professionalism and a kind heart.

Edited April 7, 2022 by Amphibian220

[nils]

@Amphibian220Thanks for your kind reply! A little praise and encouragement is what I need at the moment 🙂

update:

Made a time schedule yesterday and almost did everything I wanted to do for today. Started the day by getting out of bed early. Studied 1 hour after breakfast, then had a video meeting and some appointments in the town. My sister finished her exams today so we celebrated with some of her friends. I sometimes feel uncomfortable in these kind of situations because I am not really good with smalltalk and sometimes find it hard to relax and be myself. But it was also nice to be around people. Learned almost 2,5 hours in the evening, so around 3 hours in total which is a good result for today. I am looking forward to increase study time the next days.

In the afternoon I had a weak point. Wanted to study at 4 p.m. but started almost 2 hours later because of procrastination. At least I spent my time listening to some nice classical music on Youtube, not any nonsense. No further time in front of the PC today (besides writing this update now).

Today is day 20 of gaming detox. I recently read Atomic Habits by James Clear and some of the ideas in this great book were eye-opening for me. One idea I integrated into my daily routine is habit tracking: I have a calendar where I tick a box for every day of not gaming so my progress becomes visible. When my LoL account gets deleted it will be day 34 or 35 I guess. But my goal is to not stop there. I missed the 90 day detox two times, each time by barely 2 weeks. This time I wanna reach the 90 days. At the same time I try to not focus on that too much because I do not want the 90 days to see as a finish line. Its more like a stopover on my long journey. And as James Clear says, it is about the system, your daily habits, not about your goals. So I have to design my environment in a way that doing uncomfortable tasks is as easy as possible whereas unhealthy habits arent supported. 

Thats it for today. Good night!

[Seneca123]

Hello,

I read your post with great interest. You have ambitious goals. That's really cool. It's a reasonable decision to replace the time you spent on gaming with more productive activities or other fun activities. 26 is a good age to get rid of PC games. I'm sure you'll make it. Good luck!

[nils]

Thanks for your lovely reply, Seneca123! I make sure to keep you updated 😉 Btw, I am looking forward to read other people`s journals (including yours) in order to get some inspiration, hope and to gain new insight into the topic. Atm I dont have much time for that due to learning. But whenever I have some minutes left I try to read at least one entry in this forum. I find it more fulfilling than watching YT nonsense 🙂

[nils]

8th of April:

Yesterday I was in a bad mood. I cannot even tell why, but it just hit me. Tried my best though to use the day well: I made breakfast, then set off to go to the clinic for studying. Studied barely 2 hours, had lunch. Went home at 4 p.m.. In the evening I went out in order to get some distraction. Conclusion: A day full of sad feelings and low amount of time studying, but without cravings or noteworthy bad habits.

9th of April:

Today went much better. Arrived at the clinic at 11 a.m., worked 1 hour without distractions, then had lunch. Afterwards I struggled to get in a good workflow again but I did a lot of stretching while hearing 2 Game Quitters podcasts about addiction. 2-3 hours passed like that. While hearing the podcasts I thought a lot about my own life and where I stand atm. The first podcast from 'Gaming the System' emphasized the importance of 1. journaling 2. structuring the day by writing down a task list. I am already journaling now, but my days oftentimes lack of structure. I think this is because I dont have many appointments and noone is controlling my daily behaviour. Yes, I live in a shared flat, but momentarily there is not much social interaction. Structuring my day on a daily basis, thats what I should prioritize more from now on. I also try to keep myself busy with tasks outside of the house so I can stay away from my own PC. Studying in the clinic has turned out to be a good decision. I am much more focused in this environment than I would be at home. 

In the late afternoon I found my workflow again and worked from 17.30 to 21.45. I dont feel like I have accomplished as much as I would like to have, but working 4 hours straight with almost no distractions (only a few short breaks) hasnt happened in a long time.

My plan for tomorrow:

• waking up at 8.15 a.m.
• breakfast at home
• studying 1 hour (8.45/9.00 a.m. - 10 a.m.)
• bouldering at 10.30
• showering + lunch at home
• go to the clinic`s seminar rooms (wont make it before 2 p.m. I fear) --> studying until at least 8 p.m., with short breaks (go for a walk, toilet, buying coffee)
• late evening: journaling, structuring the next day

See you tomorrow! 🙂

[nils]

10th of April:

Sticked to my schedule, but with minor differences. I got out of bed at 8.30 and started to learn some file cards while having breakfast. I studied about half an hour (until 9.30), then I decided to clean the bathroom (because it was about time 😅). Afterwards, I went to my bouldering spot by bike and bouldered for 2 hours with a friend. I met some new nice people there who gave me tips on how to improve and which boulder path to take. That really built me up. I returned to my home, showered and had lunch. My sister and some of her friends plus my roommates had brunch in our shared flat when I returned. I kept their company for a few minutes while having lunch. My sister wanted me to stay but tbh I didnt want to lose my focus, so I sticked to my plan and headed for the clinic's seminar rooms in order to study. I even denied some cake she brought with her because I wanted to eat healthier. It wasnt even hard to say no and she wasnt mad 🙂 I arrived at the clinic at 3 p.m. (1 hour later than planned yesterday).

I then had a long conversation with a good friend on the phone. We talked over an hour and it was a really good conversation. I told him that I struggled in the past quitting LoL. I lived with that friend in a shared flat before the pandemic, so he knows a lot about me. But I never told him how much time I had spent on this game. We had a deep talk about our problems in real life and he even showed me a new perspective on some issues I have to deal with atm. One thing that pressures me a lot these days is finishing my doctoral thesis. I could have already finished it if I would have worked more consistently, I guess. Now that I have to study for my exams, the thesis gets delayed AGAIN so I have to finish it after my studies. My friend gave me some tips and also calmed me down. I told him later that day that I was really grateful to him sharing his thoughts with me.

At 4.30 p.m. I started studying. That phone call really helped me to stay focused and to visualize my goals and hopefully bright future as a doctor. I finished my learning progress at 9 p.m., so I reached my '8 p.m. - goal'. 4,5 hours of straight work time.

The phone call made me think about friendships. I was really discontent with my social relationships. Ofc a big reason was that I stayed inside playing computer games all the time, but that is not the whole truth. I also was discontent because a lot of my friendships were superficial and only lasted until someone moved to another town. I also made friends with people who I didnt even share many interests with. I was discontent because my friends didnt fulfill my needs. But the last 2 years also made me think about my own behaviour as a friend and I realized 2 things:

 

1) I did talk a lot about myself and usually started sentences with "I" (I also do it in this journal, but a journal for self-improvement naturally focuses on the writer, doesnt it? 😉). I wasnt egocentric, but self-centered. I have always been a guy that reflects a lot about his own behaviour and his own problems. I am also a daydreamer. Not really an introvert, but oftentimes lost in thought. 

2) I have been a person who usually said 'yes' to social activities if asked. But I was rarely proactive and usually did not make efforts to initiate something or asked his friends to go out or to meet. 

 

Because of that, I now try to truely care more about what is going on in other people's lives, especially my friends' and family members' lives. And I try to be a person that starts social activities or conversations with people by himself rather than waiting until he gets asked to go out. This is also a way of showing my friends that I care about them.

On the other hand, I am more particular nowadays concerning which people I want to have in my life and with whom I'd like to spent my time with. Ofc there are different types of friendships and a single person cannot fulfill all your needs and interests. I am aware of this.

 

To finish this entry, here are some questions for you. Maybe it helps you reflecting your own friendships and behaviour patterns. 

• What is important for you when it comes to friendships? What do you expect from a friendship? What aspects does a person need to fulfill so you can call him a good friend?
• Are you content with your social relationships and friendships? If not, what could be the reason?
• What type of friend do you want to be for others?
• What is one thing you could easily improve in your friendships and social relationships?

 

Have a good night, see you soon! 🙂

[nils]

11th of April:

Today didnt go as expected. I made up a flexible task list yesterday but only made it through the first half today. I started the day with a good habit. My plan was to get out of bed at 8.30 but since I woke up a little earlier I decided to overcome resistance and instead stay up at 8 a.m. I headed to the supermarket, bought some food for breakfast which I had afterwards. I have to admit, I then procrastinated a little by reading through some journals on this forum and by watching some bouldering videos on YT. I am still exhausted from yesterday, my sinews, ligaments and muscles are still not used to the physical strains this sport involves.

I started work at 11 a.m. and prepared for a seminar with my co-examinees. We started at 1 p.m. and I finished at 15.30, later than I thought, so my plan to drive to the clinic got delayed. In the seminar, we asked ourselves medical questions about typical clinical pictures / diseases we expected to get asked in the exam. The others asked questions directly by calling names, so there was no excuse. I HAD to answer and the others would always know when I struggled finding the right answer or when I had no clue at all. I really hate that feeling, but I know I am not dumb (just a little behind in medical knowledge maybe) and this type of preparing the exam is more effective. Afterwards, I had lunch, then I began to feel really tired so I decided to take a 1 hour nap. Watched some 'pitch meetings' (channel ScreenRant on YT) before the power nap. I dont regret it because after 4,5 hours of work (11 a.m. to 15.30) and with a full stomach from lunch I needed such a break. After the nap I went to town because I havent been outside yet. I bought some bouldering equipment to make sure I stick to this new hobby.

I just returned home and am writing this journal entry now. I decided to relax this evening, maybe I will read through my notes before bed, but right now I feel like taking a break today will benefit me more in the longrun than learning another 2 hours. I will have stressful days to come. And I also havent thought about LoL much the last days. I finally found my old and long missed focus. So I know I will be back on track tomorrow. 

A nice girl from my clinical internship asked me to join her for bouldering tomorrow but I dont know if I will make it tomorrow because I really dont want to overstress myself physically. I will decide that tomorrow. And I will make good progress tomorrow when it comes to studying, I make sure of that. And 4,5 hours today with maybe another short study session later this evening is not a bad result for today.

Until next time!

[nils]

short update:

I cancelled bouldering for tomorrow, I came to the conclusion it is better to get some rest and regeneration.

Today is day 24 of my gaming detox. About 10-12 days left until my Riot account gets deleted. Staying strong and focused until I can cross that off.

[nils]

I really should get some sleep right now, but I just read Cam's article 'How to Quit Playing Video Games' where he talks about the 4 areas gaming is targeting:

1) a temporary escape

2) constant measurable growth

3) a challenge

4) social

I just want to make sure I dont lose this thought: I got into bouldering recently and just realized that this activity is targeting all 4 areas. Its fun and you forget about other things while dealing with some boulder problems / routes (temporary escape). You make fast progress that is also visible (constant measurable growth) --> You start to climb higher difficulties. / Unfinished routes can be done with some training. There is also a challenge: you really want to make it to the top / end of the route. You need lots of body strength and coordination for that. It is also social because you easily meet new people, the community is really nice and people help each other.

Lets see if I will stick to this new activity but it starts to look really promising because it might be a good and lasting alternative to playing video games. Ofc you need rest times and I also have a lot of other interests and hobbies, but it targets all the things video games are targeting, too.

Time for bed now!

[nils]

12th of April:

Im writing a little bit earlier today. Had a lazy start this morning, made it out of bed a few minutes before 12 p.m. (!). I was really tired, maybe I should not have read that article of Cam so late in the evening. Have watched a movie on netflix to relax a little yesterday evening. Well, the forenoon was gone, but I didnt waste any further time. Had a quick shower, drank some water, no breakfast since I stood up so late. I headed to the clinic, had lunch with some of my colleagues there and joined the medical internship seminar at 13.15. We finished around 2 p.m. I then bought a coffee and returned to the seminar rooms where I worked for 2 hours reading through the protocols of previous exams. In 1 hour I will have a short meeting with my co-examinees and one of my examiners where we talk about the thematical focus of our upcoming exam. Afterwards, I will have a good meal. Besides bouldering and workouts, I want to try out intermittent fasting and see if it helps me with losing some weight. I will skip eating in the late evening then. After my meal I will study internal medicine for the rest of the day and go to bed earlier than yesterday.

My plan for tomorrow:

• waking up at 7.30
• breakfast
• heading towards the citizens' center for my certificate of conduct. I need that for my license to practice medicine in case I pass the exam.
• maybe there will be some time left before lunch for studying. Otherwise: lunch
• studying until 3 p.m.
• break
• 4 p.m.: 2 online meetings with my 2 other examiners.
• dinner
• 7 p.m. online lecture about nutritional medicine
• going for a walk / stretching / fitness
• going to bed before 23.30

[nils]

Just returned from the clinic. Learned another 3,5 hours this evening. I am not proud of my behaviours in the last 3-4 years but since the last week I finally stop feeling like a piece of sh*t. The accountability of journal does its magic and I feel more disciplined than before. Thinking about the last week I also wasted much less time as usual. The last days passed without any cravings. Sticking to a made-up plan and time schedule feels very efficient. Its like I replaced my old addiction for LoL with a new addiction for living a healthy, organized and colorful life 🙂

But I should take precautions against a possible relapse, just in case. At the moment, I make good usage of that gained momentum. I am aware of the fact that I might become less focused and the good mood perhaps will disappear. For now I dont have any good solutions for that besides getting triggers for video games out of my life and replacing gaming with new hobbies. Maybe I will figure something out or the community has some ideas?

[nils]

13th of April:

I better dont talk about today's morning 😅 (ok, I do it anyway). Timer rang at 7.30, but I found that I still struggle with getting out of bed early and on time. Today I stood up at 10 a.m. Didnt stick to the plan with the citizens' center, I will need to do that tomorrow or next week. Went to the supermarket, had breakfast, watched some bouldering content, then headed towards the clinic where I had lunch. Afterwards, I studied at the seminar rooms for 2,5 hours (12.10 - 14.45). Did some posture routine, then returned home for my two meetings. Had a nice first meeting with one of my examiners, the 2nd examiner didnt make it in time so we will need to find another day for that meeting. Had another lecture about nutritional medicine that has just finished. I will now drive to the seminar rooms again for another 1,5 - 2 hours of studying. I started to have fun at learning again and I see the exam as a challenge now rather than a threat of failing.

Conclusion of the day:

- need to improve getting out of bed in time or I can throw my plans for the forenoon away

- I am still in a good mood, studying starts to be fun, I stay disciplined and dont waste too much time

- no cravings, no desire to play LoL

 

Today is day 26 of my gaming detox.

About 8-10 days left until Riot account deletion.

 

[nils]

14th of April:

Learned nearly 7 hours today! I am exhausted now and have a slight headache. Not all minutes spent on learning were used well or were used with a focused mind. But still, I did well, I think. Over the day I convinced myself several times to do a little bit more even when I wanted to do a break. For example, I studied from 10.30 to 3 p.m. (before: stood up at 9 a.m., had breakfast with my flat members) and wanted to have lunch at 13.30 but the teacher for our clinical internship seminar just arrived and the topic was interesting so I decided to stay in the seminar until 3 p.m.

I am not quite sure about my learning techniques though. In the end what counts is how much I cam remember in the exam and not how many hours I spent on learning. Studying medicine means you have to memorize a lot, and I mean A LOT!! Atm I am reading a lot but with little repetition or verbalization (which is important to practice for the verbal exam). But I dont feel like I will make it through all the important topics if I dont read that much. I also learn with my group members twice a week, so I get the verbalization part from there.

Nonetheless, I still had some breaks. Decided to do a walk outside after lunch. I needed a bigger break today after 3 p.m. during which I listened to a Game Quitters Podcast. Learned something about the pomodoro technique and tried it out in my evening session. Found it to be really useful, I was able to learn the same amount of facts in less time. Started my next study session at 17.30. Then learned until 19.45.

I have one topic left for this evening, but I really need a break now.

Besides studying, my mood was ambivalent today. Had to think a lot about my medical thesis. I should really reach out to my tutor but I am frightened because I havent contacted her for months now. And in the past I let her down like I let myself down because of gaming too much instead of making progress within my thesis. Atm I really dont have space left for that, the exam is more important now. I fear the moment where I have to admit to my tutor that I almost did no real progress in the last months.

I will have to deal with that problem right after eastern or I will be stressed out and worried for the rest of the month. 

__________

Today is day 27 of my gaming detox. 1 week until Riot account deletion.

Still no cravings for LoL. Also my time on Youtube has decreased significantly and I dont browse mindlessly for hours anymore.

Edited April 14, 2022 by nils
more info

[nils]

15th of April:

I didnt find the focus today. Stood up at 10 a.m., had lunch at 12.00, prepared my seminar which started at 1 p.m. Learned 2 hours with my co-examinees. Afterwards, I procrastinated a lot unfortunately. Watched some boulder content. And also some Elden Ring content which I now regret because I lost some hours by watching gameplay content. Besides LoL I have played some single-player RPG games in the past, but I do not get addicted to them or have problems with craving. Today the thought "buy Elden Ring on steam" popped up in my head but only for a short moment. I think it was because I felt too comfortable today. It is not the time to start a new game since I have to deal with an exam and my thesis. So I washed this thought away and moved on. Rode my bycicle in the afternoon, then had dinner. Tomorrow I am with my family, so I wont be able to learn much. I really need to make progress during Eastern since I didnt do all of my tasks today. I will try to learn for at least 1 hour this evening, so this day is not a complete miss. Maybe yesterday was a bit too much. But I cannot afford cheat days in the future tbh. 

__________

Today is day 28 of my gaming detox.

[nils]

16th of April:

Today was completely filled with family time 🙂 It was a nice day. We went to a fine restaurant, played games in the afternoon and had a great chocolate biscuit. I just arrived at my flat, bought food for Easter in the supermarket and - most importantly - just sent a mail to my tutor because of my medical thesis. This took some courage but I asked her for a meeting in person so we can discuss some aspects of my thesis. I know I didnt make a huge progress but I included some time for working on it in my schedule before the meeting. Just got an automatic email back from my tutor: not available until end of April due to vacation. Yikes! I will need to try it again in a week, but at least I dealt with this problem before Easter. Tomorrow will be a normal day of studying for me. I really want to go bouldering again but my right hand is not fine due to physical overload so I still need to rest.

I realized, though I have done mostly fine concerning my time management since I started journaling, I am still not in a good mental state. My self-confidence is on a low point again. I havent cried in years, but especially after the divorce of my parents and after I have realized my addiction problem years ago, I feel like I am about to cry more often these days. I read on the CGAA website that it is a possible symptom of withdrawal. The amount of the mistakes I did in the past overbears me from time to time. I know for sure that I am on the right way. But it is still a long way to go. I start to improve my habits day by day, with some not so strong days like yesterday for example. I wrote entries in my journal on a consistent basis so far and it is a good opportunity to improve my English (grammarwise). I struggle a little bit with prepositions and other stuff, I hope you forgive me my mistakes and these entries are readable. So, in short: Some good things are happening right now, accompanied by weaker mental days. I guess this is a common loop during a detox.

What else? I found that I sent my Riot account deletion request on the 22nd of March. It takes Riot 30 days to delete the account, but 5 days before the deadline there will be no opportunity to stop the deletion process. So if I am right, this will be tomorrow. I will check my mail account the next days and see if I will receive a respective mail from Riot Games. I am really looking forward to this day. I could create new accounts after the deletion, and so I did in the past. But that takes a few steps. And I am really aware of my situation, the will to get rid of LoL is stronger this time. I havent played other games during the beginning of my current detox besides playing an oldschool RPG for 2 hours. I wont say I will never play video games again in my life, but I rather doubt I will put a lot of time in this hobby in my future. Firstly, because I wont HAVE the time for gaming due to working as a young doctor. Secondly, because I choose the games I might play CAREFULLY nowadays. And I give ONLINE games a wide berth because I know about the addictive potential. Thirdly, because I replaced gaming with hobbies that fulfill the needs I tried to satisfy with gaming. 

Enough for today. I have to admit I didnt make it through that hour I wanted to study yesterday evening 😅 And this day has almost ended. So tomorrow is the day of days! Until then, have a good night 🙂  

__________

Today is day 29 of my gaming detox. No cravings for playing LoL so far.

[Amphibian220]

i think in all honesty, there is just no time to play video games for us. We need a reasonably fit body and mind to do our job. That means education, work, exercise, rest and meaningful relationships have to be of the highest quality. Will I cut my exercise time to browse silly videos on the web or play a video game? 

For my rest I want a proper rest not some scraps. Video games are scraps for people who became too weak to go and do something healthy. So there will be an initial struggle when your body resists leaving its comfort zone.

[nils]

17th of April:

I dont write much today. My arms got inflamed now due to physical overload so I shouldnt stress them more by typing.

Learned 5 hours in the seminar rooms today. Just returned home and made some tomato soup, will relax now. Had a nice Easter breakfast in the morning, listened to a lot of classical music and walked 45 minutes today. By the way, happy Easter everyone! 🙂

__________

Today is day 30 of my gaming detox. Reached one third of the 90 days 🙂  No cravings for LoL.

[diAmond64]

Congratulations on 30 days of no games! It gives me hope that i'll be able to reach a milestone like that. Best of luck on the rest of your detox!

 

A

[nils]

20 hours ago, diAmond64 said:

Congratulations on 30 days of no games! It gives me hope that i'll be able to reach a milestone like that. Best of luck on the rest of your detox!

 

A

Thanks, A! Glad to here I can be a motivation for you. Keep going, I am sure, you will reach that goal, too 🙂

[nils]

18th of April:

Stood up late, had breakfast, telephoned with my grandparents, went to the clinic. Unfortunately, my clinical internship account got blocked by the IT system because I am not working there anymore. So I wont be able to log in and learn in the seminar rooms from now on 😕 I will try to reach out for the IT support and ask for an extension. Otherwise, I will have to learn at home or in a library. Returned home, learned there in the afternoon. In the evening, my sister and some friends came and we had dinner. I didnt feel too motivated today and had a lack of concentration, but I tried my best to learn stuff. Tomorrow will be another day and another chance.

__________

Today is day 31 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL.  

[nils]

19th of April:

Again I struggled with getting out of bed early. It is mainly because of my routine in the evening. I am staying up too late and have my smartphone near me because I normally listen to some podcast, music or I watch videos for entertainment. That is something I need to work on. Besides that, I realized that learning home is definitely not the way at the moment. In my shared flat there are way too many people going in and out. One of my flatmates also needs to learn for the exam and invited friends to learn with on a daily basis, but the group doesnt fit me so I decided to learn alone besides my online group meetings. My room is also not designed for studying, it is too dark and small. And my PC provides too many distractions which is why I learned at the clinic's seminar rooms more often in the last weeks. 

I am working on the extension of my account. Will call the IT service tomorrow and got some information from a member of the clinic today which person I need to address. I learned 1 hour effectively after lunch, then - after a lot of ineffective learning and procrastination - decided that I cannot focus at home. So I went on a walk to the clinic again, luckily I was able to use another person's account. Studied from 5 p.m. to 22.20 with short breaks and no other distractions. Worked really well. I am glad that I turned this day around. I should feel proud but atm I feel more stressed than relieved. My tendovaginits is still not fine but it starts to get better slowly.

I also listened to another episode of the Games Quitters podcast today. In this episode, the importance of journaling and meditation got reinforced. I tried meditation a few times in my life but either I had the wrong approach or it just isnt for me. But journaling still helps a lot. Even if noone reads these entries here I feel like I would let the community down if I started gaming LoL again. I think about the game rarely these days. Maybe it is because of the exam, but I also dont feel any excitement or happiness when thoughts about LoL pop up in my head. I just want to get rid of it now. But I checked my op.gg - account info today in order to see if my account is still online because I recieved no mails from Riot so far concerning the deletion. My account is still there. My last games even were insane when it came to KDA: 21/6/20, 19/9/15, 14/9/31, 36/14/24, 12/8/22, 13/2/12, 13/3/12 and so on ... BUT: I performed well in my last games and STILL deleted it after like 7 wins in a row. This shows me that I didnt enjoy it anymore in the end. And no matter how often I win and how good I perform, that doesnt help me with dealing with my real life issues. It doesnt help me with getting REAL confidence, not just some pseudo-feeling of power in a virtual environment. I want more than this.

A month without LoL feels so much better, I see things clearer now. This happened to me twice in the past: when I did my 2 previous detox attempts. I think I can make it past the 72-74 days mark. With the right attitude, a strong will and some healthy habits to replace gaming with.

__________

Today is day 32 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Only a couple of days left before my Riot account deletion (hopefully Riot delivers and REALLY delets it ... ). I also havent bought unhealthy food, especially added sugars, in the last 2-3 weeks.

[goodvibes]

1 hour ago, nils said:

I also havent bought unhealthy food, especially added sugars, in the last 2-3 weeks.

nice going i'm fighting this too. instead of adding condiments I've been adding frozen veggies steamed in microwave along with some canned veg and sauerkraut sometimes mixing in a squeezed lime. caffeinated  and non-caffeinated teas are an amazing asset I just have to stop caving in to OTC cookies..

[nils]

20 hours ago, goodvibes said:

nice going i'm fighting this too. instead of adding condiments I've been adding frozen veggies steamed in microwave along with some canned veg and sauerkraut sometimes mixing in a squeezed lime. caffeinated  and non-caffeinated teas are an amazing asset I just have to stop caving in to OTC cookies..

Now I am in the mood for trying out new recipes, haha 😄  Thanks for the inspiration. I used to eat microvave-steemed frozen veggies with lowfat quark in the past to increase protein intake without the need of taking supplements when working out. Atm I dont do much fitness because of my recent forearm issues and my exams. But I try to integrate enough motion in my daily routine. When it comes to food, I am not able to moderate, same as gaming 😉 So the best way for me is to stop buying unhealthy foods in the first place. I get cravings from time to time for ice cream especially, but only when I fall for the stupid idea of buying food in the supermarket with an empty stomach 😄 

[nils]

20th of April:

Today I didnt perform well. Got out of bed at 10 a.m., had breakfast (selfmade porridge --> oatflakes, milk, bananas, cinnamon), then procrastinated a lot. I deactivated DF Youtube yesterday because I wanted to see some classical music recommendations. Didnt turn it on afterwards because I forgot. So I fell for the YT feed today (ofc I didnt reactivate the add-on immediately, I was too weak it seemed ... ). Watched stupid videos with content I am not even very much interested in. Like the Johnny Depp process against Amber Heard, for example. But things get way more interesting when the alternative is studying, dont they? 😅 Prepared my seminar for an hour, learned with my co-examinees from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. Then procrastinated for another 3 hours after having lunch. Today really was my weakest performance since starting this journal. The problem was I didnt leave home today because I had to be at home for the seminar at 1 p.m. Tomorrow I will 100% leave my house and go to the clinic's seminar rooms again. Even learning medicine with only my papers and my smartphone while hearing music on Spotify will lead to more success than sitting in front of my home PC. Too many distractions. Turned DF Youtube on again ofc.

At 7 p.m. I listened to an interesting international lecture about sports nutrition. Got reassured that following a plant-based diet is the way to go. Walked 1 hour afterwards. Now I will at least start the diabetes chapter and see how far I can go before preparing for bed.

__________

Today is day 33 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deletion expected in the next days.