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diAmond64

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Everything posted by diAmond64

  1. thank you both for your advice. last few months have been rough. been listenin to music binging youtube and of course gaming i am lonely, tired, and depressed. my technology addiction is still there, keeping me in bed all day. rather than fulfilling goals. after this post imma try and break things down into smaller bites. usually when i write goals i just write "cook" or "bike ride" or "write lyrics/produce." After many experiences i've learned that doesn't get things done. so what imma try is writing like this "meditate outside for 10 minutes" or "learn to cook [insert food here] today" or "spend 15 minutes practicing Spanish" i think this might work better. after this post imma just write in my personal journal so i have less of an urge to just mindlessly binge when i come on here. best a
  2. Day 12- Day 16 Been lacking on my goals, no games or game related content though. We'll see how today goes Yesterday I quit social media because all it is is checking in on others lives and not focusing on your own. The other thing is most people use it, which i feel like ruins their uniqueness cause they're seeing what gets a lot of likes then they post that, or to fit in with their friends and be "liked" or feel accepted, they might form opinions that they don't necessarily agree with like for example, someone may be the only one who dislikes Billie Eilish in their group but instead of saying that and saying why they follow all billie eilish news and act like a fan, so they're not disliked. This is at least what I experienced with social media and what goes around at my college. Sadly, everyone is afraid of being themselves for fear of being disliked. On top of that most people are closed off and if someone has a different opinion then them (let's say on cookies) the person who hates cookies will be slammed down. I think social media has played a lot in causing this due to the stigma of posting stuff to get likes and the way news is controlled (showing only the stuff you like). I just didn't need all that negativity in my life Have a good day A
  3. Hi Rick, Yeah, screens are a hard to deal with. Glad you decided on a way that'll help you cut back on them. Wishing you luck on your journey! A
  4. Day 9 + Day 10 + Day 11 No games no game related content. Today (day 11) I was productive I put in a morning routine. So far I woke up at 7:00 AM - First time in a while, it was nice! I have been drinking a lot of water, meditated, prayed, studied and did well on schoolwork, and had breakfast. This evening, I am going to support my friend who is trying to become student trustee as well as write and learn French. While today has been good so far, I am absolutely pissed. My college literally doesn't give 2 shits about the students of the school, specifically the POC's, Homosexual/Transgender students and students with disabilities. White people here are incredibly entitled and there are so many of them who will outwardly be racist, homophobic/transphobic and ableist than try to "cover it up" by being hella nice or in [black students face] try to show their not racist by walking up and talking to every POC they see, shaking their hands and shit. What has the school done about this? NOTHING! Absolutely fucking nothing. They blatantly ignore everything that's happening and when we complain about it they resort us to black professors, yet there's barely any black professors or professors of color left because of this racist shitspace. In terms of LGBTQ+, all the gay or trans people I know are insecure about their identity here, and the issue of homophobia, and transphobia here is also not handled and LGBTQ+ have no support/ the issues are not openly spoken about and LGBTQ+ students aren't fully represented, sure theres a resource center but that shits so small and in the very back of campus so it's like a 10 minute walk to get there, it's like they're trying to promote straight pride, and in the terms of ableism. The school's environment and architecture is just overall ableist by itself. Let's say someone had to use a wheelchair to get around. NONE OF THE BUILDINGS HAVE WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE PATHWAYS, there are just stairs. And externally only like 3 buildings have wheelchair ramps. And again, the school does jackshit about this, they treat POC's LGBTQ+ and disabled students like shit, then try to promote their school saying they're a safe space when literally our concerns are the LAST of their needs. I get there's hate like this all across America but honestly, how fucking hard is it for you to even address that these things are an issue? It shouldn't be. Instead they're wasting their platform and money on a stupid ass event nobody cares about. How are you gonna trick people into coming here when you want to see a whole bunch of your students suffer? Fucking disgusting. I've literally tried speaking to my parents about transferring and I discussed these issues with them and they literally said "stop focusing so much on identity," and "theres racism everywhere in America, what's the difference?" anyway Imma hype up that friend in hopes she gets elected and that she yells in those ignorant administrators faces and tell em to fix their shit. have a good night A
  5. Day 8 No games - no game related content. I have been working on an essay that's due at 11:59 PM, making good progress, should hopefully be done by 10 or so. I had a small binge on youtube, and instagram today. Managed to stay away from music, though trying to be present in the moment and sitting in silence has proven to be difficult. I guess I need to prioritize distracting myself from these urges with productive, thought provoking activities, such as reading or writing this essay. 6 days until my Spotify account closes for good Have a good night A
  6. congratulations on passing the exam! yeah screens are tough and can lead to unhealthy habits, I'm struggling with them too. I think for now I'm going to try being more present in the moment by meditating frequently. Also tracking how much you use screens per day might be helpful! Wishing you luck. A
  7. Day 7 No games - no game related content. I noticed why I haven't been working towards my goals yet. I think it's cause I have weak discipline which accordingly relates to my "need" for instant gratification; it's hard for me to just sit in silence. Since I haven't been playing games, I've been replacing it with non-gaming content on Youtube, Web Surfing and Music - all of which can be fun, but like games if you do any of these activities too much (i did), it distracts you from your goals and tasks for the day. Deleted the YouTube app off my phone and I closed my Spotify account - I did this to try and gain discipline and be more present in the moment instead of speeding through each day like society has built up for me to believe. It's okay to take things slow! Have a good night A
  8. those are really well drawn heads. I've been interested in painting myself, it's mesmerizing to me the things drawing/painting can bring! Good luck on practicing features! A
  9. Day 5 + 6 I'm getting frustrated - although I'm not playing games or watching as much youtube, I'm not working towards my goals. I've noticed that with me starting them and actually putting them into action is always the hardest part - even if it is as simple as getting out of bed in the morning. It's been a cycle like this for years, I've just been lazy and haven't actually started acting towards my goals. Not sure what I can do to make it easier. I'm just frustrated of talking all this talk and not actually doing anything about it, I defined my why but what do I have to do to actually do it? I'm tired of wasting all this time. Have a good evening A
  10. Day 4 No games and my video streaming dropped a lot, and I didn't really think about games at all. Still didn't get to my goals, but I'm happy with my progress! Have a great night A
  11. Congratulations on 30 days of no games! It gives me hope that i'll be able to reach a milestone like that. Best of luck on the rest of your detox! A
  12. Hey there, Thanks for the wishes, I send you the best of luck on your journey as well! In my perspective, failure sucks, but you only fail if you stop trying. Which it's clear you haven't. Good luck on your journey, I'm rooting for you! A
  13. Day 3 Didn't play video games or watch game content, but I still just laid around. I think I know why though. When I realized games were bad for me and tried quitting before, I just laid around. I would write down a to do list or goals but wouldn't fulfill it, I think that's cause I didn't have a why. I didn't know my purpose for doing these things. I just kind of expected me to do them, full on, no stop. However that wasn't the case. Now I have written down reasons for why I want to obtain these goals, and what they mean to me. Hopefully this will lead me in the right direction. One of those goals was praying to God, so might as well do it here to start. I pray that the Lord provides me with strength and knowledge to continue to fight through these urges. Have a good day A
  14. congrats on not giving into your urges, thats something i struggle with- definitely in terms of youtube. have you thought of why you watch youtube? maybe thinking about why you do something might help you plan to abstain from it. great job so far keep it up!
  15. @Seneca123i do however, i don't have a car so it's like a 20 minute walk from where i live. Though that might be a good way to utilize my days (taking a walk) so i'll think about it Day 1 + 2 Still streamed youtube videos 😞 but it was non gaming content so thats good. I also played no games today so thats good. need to start getting to my goals. one positive today though, i ran to get someplace i was late to and enjoyed it. might take up running again. about to see a play as well! have a good day A
  16. Unfortunately I relapsed again. Watched gaming youtube videos and junk, instead of creating, or focusing on my goals. Imma redefine them in my notes as well as write them here I wanna eat healthier take basic care of myself (through putting on my medicine, taking my pills, and exercising) I also want to learn French, Spanish, Arabic, German, Italian and Russian I want to write and I want to play the drums, piano and saxophone I want to paint and I want to cook If I want to quit gaming and constantly consuming the internet I need to gain hobbies besides going to classes and doing homework. Tonight Imma actually make a daily routine that incorporates some of these hobbies, this also might help improve my time management. Have a good night! A
  17. Hi there my name is A, I've always struggled with games, at a young age of 6 until now. It's made me isolate from people, including my family. I've become incredibly anxious and depressed, I've resorted to cheating in college to perform well and I've noticed that I'm not open to other peoples ideas or opinions - adopting a "my way or the highway" mindset. I've also gotten horrible sleep because of gaming. I want to change all of that. Not only do I want to do better in college, and be kinder and more social with people, I want to eat healthier, write novels, read more, learn multiple languages, learn instruments, and learn how to paint and cook. Establishing these hobbies and skill sets will make me a much happier person and escape this traumatizing cycle where i feel like I've let anyone who expects great things from me down. I'm just tired of letting people down, I want to be something they and I can be proud of. I don't wanna be known as the person who just lays on their ass all day. This is the first thing the site said I should do on my way to recovery, I guess the next thing to do is to make a routine that I can work on everyday. Hopefully that will keep me busy enough to abstain from games. I have a more in depth discussion of my story here if you wanna read it: Have a good night A
  18. Hi there! My name is A. My story of addiction expands way beyond games, and reaches other facets of the internet, such as web surfing, binge watching YouTube videos, chatting on social media sites such as Twitter, Instagram, Discord and Tik Tok, and always keeping up with the latest trends. I hate what the internet has turned me into. Before I got a phone in 8th grade, I was a happy (while sometimes frustrated), fun loving person. Now? I'm the laziest lazy I have ever met, I scowl at people who even are in the same proximity as me. I've become closed off to different opinions that aren't my own, and I'm just grumpy, tired and mean. Too much internet has also gotten me some bad grades in College, and in order to "do well" I've resorted to cheating, and looking up notes and readings on sites like SparkNotes. I can't tell you how angry this makes me feel. I feel like I've failed everyone in my life, and that those I've had conflicts with, I feel like an asshole, who only does shit for themselves. There are so many people who expect great things from me; my mom, my dad, my grandparents, my brothers, my uncles and aunts, my friends (in and outside of college) and my professors. But since I'm a lazy bum who can't seem to get off their ass and actually act towards my dreams and goals due to the thought of "it's too much effort," or "people will judge me," I've felt like I've let all of them down. I'm not entirely sure what my first game console was, it was either the Nintendo Wii or the Nintendo DS. We solely had Nintendo consoles when my brothers and I were growing up as our parents didn't want us to be exposed to horror or shooting/violent games at a young age, - either way it damaged my mind. I absolutely adored the Wii and the DS, with games like Mario Kart and Super Mario Galaxy, Pokemon or Animal Crossing. All of those games are incredibly nostalgic for me as I used to play them hours on end, either with my brothers or by myself. These two consoles then opened the gateway towards more consoles - the N64, the Gamecube, SNES, Switch, 3DS and so on. Each console I played, I just fell more and more in love with these games, and adventures. Not only did it have achievements and progress I could strive for (and since I was controlling the characters that made me feel extra proud), but all it was was clicking buttons-so it wasn't that long draining process of sitting and reading a book, or doing schoolwork. I feel that my experience with games (alongside the bullying I experienced in school), is the sole reason why I'm now a socially anxious/awkward loner, who isolates themself for most of their life (even from their family), with fear of being approached by someone or being judged for my ideas. My parents even noted that when I played to many video games I would get frustrated and cranky, which would lead me to snap at people, and I feel like where this prejudiced paradigm of everyone comes in play. Since I'm struggling to get over this "my way or the highway" notion, and the stereotypes society put on me (that I have to stay in the background, it's safe in the background), whenever someone in college interrupts my zone or does something quirky, I find it obnoxious and I think something along the lines of "what the hell is that person doing? They look stupid." Yes, while it may be stupid, it shows that they're okay with being themselves and aren't worried what others think, which is what I struggle with. Nowadays, I still play games. And I still have a bias against hard work - which is why I have been bullshitting everything, so I can have more time to be on the internet. I've become it's puppet, and I don't like it. I want to be something, I can be proud of, and that everyone who is expecting great things from me can be proud of too. I don't want them or myself to be disappointed in me 'cause i lay on my ass all day. I want to start working harder for college, and doing my best in my classes. I want to actually read, read new adventures and stories and see what zany, and wacky conflicts these thoughtful characters go on. I also want to read non-fiction, and learn about history, the arts, science, and myths. I want to be more social, I want to get rid of this "My way or the highway" mindset, and just start accepting and being open to the fact that everyone was raised differently - in that they'll see things differently. I just want to start being nice, and stop isolating myself and blaming my issues on others. I also want to learn a multitude of languages so I can communicate with more people (Arabic, French, German, Italian, Russian, and Spanish). I also want to learn how to play the drums, piano and saxophone - not only to know how to play instruments which would be hella cool, but to help jumpstart a career in the music industry - my main goal. Other smaller goals include: Praying to God Drinking enough water everyday Taking my medicine Working out/exercising Meditating Putting on my face medicine (morning and night) Getting 8+ hours of sleep and actually brushing my teeth (morning and night) This is a lot of stuff and I'm not expecting to do it all right away. My main focus for now is doing better with schoolwork and not cheating, and trying my best, instead of half-assing it, as well as improving my social situation. With all of this, I don't know where to start on my recovery process from games. I honestly haven't given it much thought. Just logged on cause I saw this place and I needed a space where I could vent all my issues and frustrations away. If any of you have any thoughts that'd be great - need a place where I can start walking. Anyway, I have a lot of homework to complete - and studying to do, so have a great night! A