Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

NEW VIDEO: What TikTok Does to Your Brain

On the road to a better life ... - My way out of the addiction.


nils
 Share

Recommended Posts

2nd of June:

Lazy day today. I met a friend and we went for a walk together. Did nothing special in the afternoon and evening, just a little bit of cooking, watching some videos and playing and listening to music. Tomorrow I will start bouldering again.

I miscounted yesterday: I thought I had done 74 days of my detox, but I did 75 instead. So I edited my comment and corrected it.

__________

Today is day 76 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 90 days without gaming (full detox).

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/1/2022 at 4:10 PM, nils said:

Regarding habits, I want to improve my posture again. I have kind of a forward head posture due to years of sitting in front of the computer. I focused a lot on posture exercises in the past but have lost my consistency. So I need to get that right again. The good thing is, I still do stretching exercises on a consistent basis and have improved a lot in this area.

Ohh me too! Let's keep each other accountable hehe. I want to improve my posture as well 🙂

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
Posted (edited)

24th of July:

Hey guys! I am sorry for staying silent so long. I want to give you a short update now, but atm I dont have much time to do my journals.

The hard truth is: I relapsed. On my 3rd try I reached 76 days, but was not able to finish the last 2 weeks. Relapsing means that I went through the full process: I had no account, but after some nostalgia about LoL which lead to cravings, I actively (!) convinced myself that after reaching my big goal of becoming a doctor it is "okay" to reinstall the game for just a few days and play some games. Looking back at this now, I am surprised that I really created a new account, knowing that it didnt work out as planned in the past and I couldnt control myself when playing LoL.

The results: I played LoL for 2 weeks, not every day and not the whole day, but a lot of time was wasted back then. After 2 weeks, I got frustrated again by playing some bad games, also knowing that I cannot go on like this for the next years, especially when starting my first job (which will happen in a few months). So I uninstalled again and started another account deletion.

I havent reflected on this relapse as much as I should have, but I took some things from it:

  • Relapsing is OKAY. Its not a good thing ofc, but I dont need to feel ashamed. It means that I still struggle. But it also means, that I can get up again and move forward on my journey. For me, every relapse is an opportunity to learn something about myself.
  • I still dont have the right system for change. My environment stays the same. My work place and my place for gaming, being in the comfort zone etc. is the same. I need to change my environment and separate these things because I need to avoid the typical cycle:

               Nostalgia/Thoughts about LoL + being at my PC --> Cravings --> Youtube --> LoL montages --> more cravings --> reinstalling the game --> gaming

         Unfortunately my options for changing my workspace are limited atm due to the fact, that I still dont live in my own apartment where I have more than one room. I also need to work at my own PC for my medical thesis because I use a special licensed software. I will address this after moving out of my shared flat in October.

  • LoL still doesnt make me feel good. Its only my brain that tells me: "Here is a short-term reward. Go and get it!" In the longrun, it is just a waste of time and triggers my lack of self-confidence.
  • I got into bouldering even more now, every week I practice with a nice group of friends. That is a really good hobby that can fulfill my social needs as well.
  • Relapsing does not only happen because of the game LoL itself, a big part of it is due to my time on the internet. I need to find ways to cut my internet usuage down. One way I do this: I resumed my old hobby playing the guitar and play almost every day now for a couple of minutes 🙂

What has happened after the relapse? The good thing is: I immediately started a new detox run after the 2 weeks and I am doing pretty well. I avoided every trigger so far (I didnt search for a single info about LoL). No cravings. My account that I created over a month ago is now deleted. I am still sitting too much but I dont game that much. I still have some hobbies though for which I spent a lot of time on the internet.

I also started to work on my medical thesis again. I procrastinated a lot in the last weeks but I am working on it on a consistent basis again.

On 6/3/2022 at 4:23 AM, Pochatok said:

Ohh me too! Let's keep each other accountable hehe. I want to improve my posture as well 🙂

@ Pochatok Yeah, lets do that! 😃 How do you do so far? And do you have a posture routine?

I do a lot of stretching, combined with multiple chin tucks a day, some wall angels and exercises for my upper, middle and lower back against gravity. Still too much sitting, but I can elevate my work desk, so I can work while staying.

_____

Thats it for now. I wont update as much as I did in the past (going on vacation for 2 weeks now 😄). I still use habit tracking and cross out every day that I didnt play or watch LoL content. I dont want to break the chain. After my vacation I will have reached about 55 days, so I am on a good way again. Will I reach the 90 days this time? After my recent relapse, I really dont know. I wrote things in my last entries in the sense of: Nothing can stop me now from reaching the 90 days. That looks really stupid from my perspective now. It seems, I cannot trust my own words. But I keep trying, that is the best I can do.

Good luck to you all! See you after my vacation! 😊

__________

Today is day 39 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (full detox).

Edited by nils
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/24/2022 at 1:22 PM, nils said:

, I am surprised that I really created a new account, knowing that it didnt work out as planned in the past and I couldnt control myself when playing LoL.

I think you're already doing this, so feel free to skip through this ramble 🙂 

Whenever I also feel suprised by a negatively-feeling action that I took, I try to look more deeply into my past experiences that could have led me to this moment. This way, that negatively-experienced action suddenly feels a lot more authentic to me, and that alleviates a lot of guilt and detachment. Aaccepting how much all of my issues and complexities really belong to me because of my past changes the process from erasure to replacement of whatever those issues are, and in a much more positive way, imo.

On 7/24/2022 at 1:22 PM, nils said:

I still dont have the right system for change. My environment stays the same. My work place and my place for gaming, being in the comfort zone etc. is the same. I need to change my environment and separate these things because I need to avoid the typical cycle:

So hard to break through! Something that has helped me, bit by bit, was simply re-arranging the furniture in my room whenever I would relapse. Even a minor rearrangement of what chair I sit on or where my PC is positioned on my desk help chip away at that habit. For me, moving my PC to a more public place (as I feel a lot of guilt playing video games in public lol) helped tremendously; I always keep it by the window (so that people passing outside help me avoid cravings) or in the guest room (when at home). 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

16th of August:

On 8/3/2022 at 4:54 AM, Pochatok said:

I think you're already doing this, so feel free to skip through this ramble 🙂 

Whenever I also feel suprised by a negatively-feeling action that I took, I try to look more deeply into my past experiences that could have led me to this moment. This way, that negatively-experienced action suddenly feels a lot more authentic to me, and that alleviates a lot of guilt and detachment. Aaccepting how much all of my issues and complexities really belong to me because of my past changes the process from erasure to replacement of whatever those issues are, and in a much more positive way, imo.

So hard to break through! Something that has helped me, bit by bit, was simply re-arranging the furniture in my room whenever I would relapse. Even a minor rearrangement of what chair I sit on or where my PC is positioned on my desk help chip away at that habit. For me, moving my PC to a more public place (as I feel a lot of guilt playing video games in public lol) helped tremendously; I always keep it by the window (so that people passing outside help me avoid cravings) or in the guest room (when at home). 

Thank you, Pochatok! I appreciate the time and effort you put into this comment. 😊 The process of accepting own failures and habit patterns as a way to decrease the feeling of guilt is very important imo, too. I cannot say that I am good at this because my internal critic is very present and because I have a lot of self-doubt. But being reminded of this aspect was helpful to me, thank you! I hope, I got your point right though.

In terms of re-arranging furniture etc.: Yeah, thats a good idea! Atm my room looks a little messy, I need to sort some objects out and remove some of the chaos in it. It's not that untidy, but a few things need to be cleaned up in order to support a good working atmosphere.

_____

Back from vacation! I don't feel too relaxed because I have to deal with some family issues atm. But it has been two beatiful weeks and I can now shift my focus towards finishing my medical thesis before starting my first job. I accepted a job offer recently and therefore will need to move out of my shared flat in a few months.

Regarding LoL, I am content with my current situation. I dont have cravings and usually dont look stuff up. Only yesterday I watched a short section of the LCS live stream out of boredom, but I had a feeling of estrangement and detachment while watching it, so I soon closed the tab. This is a good sign, I think. Two thirds of the 90 day detox are finished, now I need to make sure to finish the last third, this time for real.

I still procrastinate too much, but I started doing more sports again and went swimming a few times. I also listen to podcasts atm and try to be more outside.

Thats it for now! Have a great week!

__________

Today is day 62 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (full detox).

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Nils, it is great to see you being self-accountable.

Here is what I am beginning to pick up on. When I was at school, there were no smartphones, only Nokia phones. There was no technological device that could give instant gratification.

Some of my school periods were free, meaning I stayed in the canteen and played chess with my friends or completed assignments. This was normality. At that point in time, if I watched an ordinary film on my television set, my emotions were a lot richer and the experience itself healthy because it was the right dosage of entertainment.

I learned that people that eat junk food, don't exercise and stress a lot are more likely to get diabetes. This disease is on the rise and comes from an unhealthy combination of habits.

If you think about uncontrolled use of entertainment, it messes with your brain and upsets its focusing ability. Are video games targeted at making people “combat ineffective”? Because any serious work is like combat. From the research already available, It appears so.

Exactly because I detected that media products are designed ground up to make me ineffective) I feel more confident in rejecting them.

Kicking a soccer ball is more fun than online distractions for me. Stay true to your goal man.

Edited by Amphibian220
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share