Regular Robert

It might sound trivial or stupid. But there is no better way to keep a conversation going. When you listen, you get to know a person. When you know a person, you can actually care about them. When you care about them, conversations with them will be very natural, honest and satisfying and you do not need to keep them going. If you are with a friend, moments of complete silence do not feel awkward or strange. I know what your tutorial is meant to be. I know that you are trying to help people and I know that I am a dick quite often. The thing is: When you actually need artificial ways to keep a conversation going that would otherwise dry up, you are basically trying to patch a sinking ship in my opinion. It is possible to keep a conversation going for like ... forever. There are so many generic topics to talk about. But like you said, you want to make friends. If somebody can be a friend or not often shows in the conversations. If you have to keep the conversation going, there is not much interest in actually talking to each other. A conversation that does not carry itself is often a conversation that you do not have to ... have. At least when it is meant to make friends. Business or small talk is a complete different thing. I had great conversations, honest conversations that kept going ... with complete strangers. Because: I asked them how they are. This question "how are you?" is often an opener for one hour long conversations. IF you ask honestly. If you just ask because that's what people do, well then nobody will really answer. But if you look somebody in the eye and you ask them in a soft voice, with full honesty and interest, how they are ... you will most likely make a connection. So many people do actually want to speak about how they feel but nobody in their lives actually asks this question with authenticity. Try it one day. Get into a taxi and ask the driver how he feels. And then, when you are truly interested in what they have to say, all questions, replies and statements will come out fully natural.

One of the best ways to keep a conversation going is: To listen.

Appendix of the declaration of Sir Robert the most regular of all Roberts: Carrot-salad in apple vinegar, carrot-salad in raspberry vinegar, ginger in rice vinegar and garlic with onions in chili-rice vinegar.

@dandielionous I feel honored, thank you very much. And I agree that the journal should be as individual as the person who writes it. Everybody has his own way of expressing feelings, reflecting experiences and goals. Of course, goals. And trust me in this one: You are not alone! @Reno F Thank you for your kind words. I have never been a great cook, but I believe that everybody can learn things. So I had to learn to cook. And it feels good. It feels great to eat what you made. It adds a certain ... flavor. My audio-files are basically a project I picked up a while ago. I wanted to create an audio-book. Just for fun. Just to see if I can and to see how it turns out. The other thing is a kind of podcast where I share thoughts, anecdotes, experiences. Both keep me busy and being busy is quite nice. I also have a little recording tool to record what you call self talk. Sometimes it helps to not think, but speak thoughts. It often helps me to reflect. Lastly, sometimes we need to break down. Sometimes we need to feel our limits and borders. I believe, that is a good thing. And seeing that the body changes when the mind is not numbed by working on a video game is kind of great. Day 50 - 56: A week without an entry. Why didn't I attend to my journal? I asked myself every day that exact question. And today I have the answer. I have overdone my daily goals. It is awesome to have daily goals and to be busy. After all, there must be a way to spent the newly obtained time. But there is actually a way to overdo it. I felt like I "must" do this and "must" do that. I often mentioned that I need recreation and relaxation. Today, I got rid of the last stuff I wanted to get out of the way. And the very next thing I did was to talk to a bike vendor about an old bicycle I saw. It needs a lot of attention to be fixed again. And I thought "that would make a great project". Projects. I love them. But I have too many. And they are all in the house. My audio-files - in the house and in front of the PC. Work out - in the house. Cooking - in the house. Writing - in the house and in front of the PC. Working in the basement - in the house. I am constantly in this house. I remembered that I once told my girlfriend that I would like to make one day of the week my "go to town day". Just go to town, buy a magazine, sit down in a café and read the damn thing. Or not. Or just look at the images. Or the people around me. One day every week. I never did that. Except for today. After the café I went to a few stores and tried on some jackets. I liked all that. I need to get out and see something else. Even though much of what I see is not really cool because this town is kinda ugly. But out of my house. And I was happy when I came back home. So, today I decided to not buy the bike I saw before march February or even March. Next month, I will choose one day in the first week and go to town, buy a magazine and sit down in a café. And from there, I will see what happens. In addition to sitting at home a lot, I act "crazy" lately. Crazy like, my feeling jump up and fall down within seconds. The reason is Christmas. I was about Christmas when my sickness came "to an end", three years ago. I was extremely sick and broke down on the 1st of January. Ever since then, I act strangely when the Christmas time begins. It is the memory. Nothing much I can do about that right now. It will change over time. It will get better but right now, its not too great. While sitting in front of the PC, I browsed the web to find a good tool to create a website with. Even though I can program HTML, I do not want to create a page from scratch. I just don't want to. I want my time to be spent in a different way. So I created one and will probably launch it in January. As a place to exhibit and display my recorded and written stuff. It seemed to be some kind of the next step on my list. Some way to actively gain progress. I also wrote a little plot for the next episodes and such. We will see how that turns out. My current favorite hobby is probably preserving food. Its really cool and I enjoy it, even though it is a lot of work somehow. A good thing about it: When I blanch ginger to preserve it, I always keep the stock and drink it over the course of the following days. I once read that it is supposed to be quite healthy. Speaking of my health: I am a regular smoker again. It sucks but I am too weak in my willpower to completely stop it. I believe it is because of the stress. My neighbors keep driving me insane. They are the kind of people that are, well ... "light-minded" and at the same time their common way to express their feelings is by smashing doors and shout at each other. I already talked to them but well, they still keep the house awake at night. Constant aggression around me annoys me. Waking up at 3 am because they slam their doors shut because whatever annoys me. Falling asleep again and waking up at 4 am because now they slam each other in their mo*#!"$(*#+ing loud hell of a bed annoys me. Having crazy people around you all the time will eventually drive you crazy. God, sometimes I HONESTLY wish that one of them accidentally kills the other. Than this whole stage play would be over. I know, harsh feelings, but even though I am a nice person, I can be annoyed as hell at some point. Just imagine you listen to peaceful music, loving your life, drinking a cup of fine tea and suddenly you startle from the horrible smash-noise of a door that was whacked at the other side of the wall you sit next to. Every day. At any time of the day. Anyway, idiot people. I should not waste my energy now to talk about trashy people. Back to nice things: I had another of these moments of clarity. I was doing the dishes and my back hurt because for some reasons I feel most kitchen counters are way too low. But that's not the point. I cleaned all those forks and spoons (I love the word spoon) and I understood, that my life does not suck. Sounds strange, right? But that is just true. My life does not suck. I do have my issues. I do have horrible neighbors. I do have pain and all, but my life does not suck. Trump will be president, Russia has 16.000 nuclear weapons, but my life does not suck. Even if I would not make any progress in a whole year, my life would not suck. I would not be a failure. I would not starve to death. I would not freeze to death. I would not lose all that I got. Nothing would happen. The way I live right now can go on forever. My girlfriend brings home the cash, yeah. But that does not make me a failure. I could fail in anything I do for the time span of a full year and my life would still be great. Let me explain that a little more, because it might be important for me again, in the future. Eventually. I had a lot of thoughts in my mind. And I dare to make a general statement now: Many people in life will try to tell you that you suck salty b*#&%cheeks. That your life sucks. That you are a failure and will never succeed. Many people will try to do that. I had quite a few of those events in my close past. Family members, distant people I knew, distant people I do not know. My wife once walked to her bus at the train-station and somebody shouted "rich bitch". She is not rich and she is not a bitch. She likes to dress herself in a mature, individual way. And some people were freeeettened (threatened) by that fact alone. She looks different, she looks good, she is a bitch. A rich, spoiled bitch. That example might be quite extreme, I agree. But there are many much smaller examples in our daily lives. People will tell us that we are trash. And most of the time, they do not know a damn thing about us. But they do it, because they feel bad. For various reasons. And it is way easier to trash somebody's life than to work on your own life. If you hear these statements, claims on a constant basis, there will be weak moments when they manage to penetrate your forehead and they will most likely damage your frontal lobe. What I am trying to say is: It cannot be overestimated how important it is to take a moment from time to time and to actively look at one's own life and realize, that is does not suck. Negativity tends to fill people up until all they can see is more negativity. And those people usually tend to see negativity in literally ANYTHING. And they completely blind out that they have place to live, people to talk to, something to eat, most of their limbs, peace in the streets, sunlight, access to every piece of music they would want to hear and so much more. My life ... does not suck. And even if I fail in something I want to achieve tomorrow, my life will still not suck on the day after tomorrow. In fact, even if I would try it again and again and again and another 300 times, it would not suck. And I am glad that sometimes I stand in the kitchen with a cleaning cloth in one and a sharp kitchen knife in the other hand and I realize, that my life does not suck at all. There is nothing ... literally nothing to be afraid of. And here I stand in front of you, my fellow quitters and quitterettes and I shall end this huge paragraph ... with the declaration of the fact, that I decide that my very own life ... does not suck salty b#%&§cheeks.

I constantly have like ... the exact same thoughts. This place is the biggest shXthole you can find. Everything is entirely fucked up and will be fucked up forever. A few days ago I watched a YouTube video about a 13 year old boy who already invented his first construct to generate free energy. He stated, that all he wants is to make this world a better place. A friend of mine shared this video on facebook, stating that what the world needs is more boys of this kind. That made me sad. Somehow. Because, history has proven that geniuses will make the world worse, not better. This boy will probably invent an ion cannon when he is 18 and will be threatened to sell it to any western military in order to live another day. Alfred Nobel, the guy we can thank for the nobel prize, invented the dynamite. People will always fuck up. Always. But my sadness usually gets pushed away by the idea behind all this. If we are free of a codex, whether it may be good or bad, that means we can truly pursue our dreams without labeling them "good" or "bad". Everybody, everybody believes he is the good guy. This is part of our hardwired default setting. If we can free ourselves from all this judgement, we can simply live. And we decide which path to go. We cannot change the world, but we can change ourselves. And ourselves, all combined, makes the society. And all societies combined make the world, somehow. At least the construct of the world in our minds. So, if we would see the world change, we should change ourselves. This is the only island where we are king or queen. Knowing that we will die some day makes life valuable. Knowing that we decide how we want to live, gives us freedom. Liberty. And in my book, a person who decides to go a certain path, will always be superior to the person who avoids any decision. So drowning in video games or addictions of any kind is no option to me. I don't judge whether my path is the right one or not, because there is no such thing as right or wrong. It is only a point of view.

Appendix: This is my new audio-file (German) about a guy named "Cody". I once met him in Phoenix, Arizona. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4MwP6sZDM0&feature=youtu.be The whole thought is based on a poem about Cody, that I had forgotten for quite some time now. I found it a few days ago and it inspired me to talk about the perfect friendship and soul-companionship in strangers. In case anybody is interested, this is the poem (Don't expect la creme de la creme, I was 17 at that time. It does not even rhyme.): 'Hes the devil. I see the devil' That's all the crazy lady said 'Hes actually pretty cool' Thats all Cody replied We stopped that night in Phoenix, Arizona Drove the mustang all night long My old man was tired of our journey but there were still three weeks to go I still remember the night we held there I remember the sun going down over the city the night with Jeff and the boys I still remember Cody the receptionist I never wrote you back and I am sorry back home life just got me back now all that's left is the ambulance in the streets All that's left is work and the rush of traffic Another thing, don't think that I am a fanboy, but I really love letters and since Cam's mission has initiated a great change in my life, I will keep this:

@Cam Thank you! And thank you very much for the awesome sticker and letter. I might even reply at some point in the future. @AlexTheGrape It is kind of funny that especially doing the dishes is some kind of a favorite activity for me now. When my girlfriend secretly does the dishes, I feel that there is an empty spot inside of me where my activity was. Also, I would love to see some of the meals you cook in the future! Day 47-50: The last days have been nice. Really nice. My girlfriend had 4 days off, so we spent a lot of time together. I like it, I really do. However, during this time I am not really productive. Like, I am not writing much, nor am I really working on other projects. That is mainly because it is easier for me to concentrate when I am entirely alone and also, because I enjoy cooking for me and her. So, I cooked and we ate and talked. Like I said, I enjoyed it. Today, I received Cam's letter and the awesome sticker. I love to receive "real" letters. Especially when the sender is a benevolent person. So I was quite happy about the handwritten text. In addition, I re-arranged my furniture. The desk and the bed found new places and suddenly, everything feels so damn comfy in here. Sometimes re-arranging one's environment can be a real step forward. My mic now has a nice place and recording audio files is much easier. After Christmas, I will treat myself with new stuff for my little "studio". Can't wait for it. Another thing I changed is my "training board". Yeah, I have a board for my workout. I changed it a little, so that it is a bench in front of my bed now and when I need it, it turns into workout equipment. The workout keeps getting better. I do it more regularly, except for running. Going out to run requires quite some willpower for me. I believe, it is the cold, dark, noisy and trashy environment of this city. However, when my girlfriend is at home, I usually ask her to accompany me. She rides her bike and I run. Rocky style. I believe, I already said that in one of my other journal entries. Well, one thing I forgot is that on day 45, my girlfriend had a little gift for me. Two small frying pans made of iron. They look awesome and it is so cool to serve them. I will post a photo in the future. Right now, I am preparing my application for the script writers school. Still have a lot of work ahead of me, but it is fun. I do not really want to study script writing, since I feel it is not really necessary, but I would like to see whether the school would accept or deny my application. And who knows if I wont change my mind in case they actually accept me. So, stuff like this fills my days. Another "activity" I really enjoy lately is getting rid of old stuff I do not use. By doing so, I lighten the imaginary weight on my shoulders and I can actually make a quick dollar or two. The money will be invested in new equipment to enhance my work on my projects. And of course, some of it will be used to support awesome people in their awesome deeds. Yeah, Robert is quite happy lately. I might have forgotten a few things but if I did, I will add them in the near future. P.S.: In the image: French fries, home made veggie patties, cucumber salad and bread that did not turn out too great. Haha. Still, it was a nice feast.

Do you know what it is that makes you want to play video games again? Are you bored with other activities?

You know, one of my main "moments of clarity" was when I was heavily disrespected in a game that went on for 20+ hours. That was when I understood that many people in multiplayer games will disrespect me, gain my trust to impose on me and generally be hostile towards me, because they can hide in a reality, where they do not have to face real consequences. That is different in real life. So, that hate you now feel could be turned into positive energy. That's what I tried to do. I used the anger inside and said to myself "No! I wont let people treat me that way and especially I wont treat me that way". So I used this energy to "repair" my life. In your example, I read that your house and your yard might need some attention. This is just a reflection of how you feel and how you treat yourself. So, this could be a great option to begin with: Cleaning up the mess in- and outside. Outside like, tidying up or cleaning the house. The inside part if a passive part and will follow the outer cleanse. Like, you will feel better inside when you create an environment in which you would actually want to live. And vice versa. Its a great step you took by stopping to go back into this fictional world where people do not treat you with respect.

Welcome dandielionous! And its great to see that you already decided to stay away from the game for almost a week!

Happy birthday in hindsight, Arthur. Alright, now: I did not take the time to read the other replies, but somehow I feel the urge to post one myself. First of all, the idea of deleting the games is a very helpful technique. If you are actually addicted, having your drug a click away is pretty tempting. Everybody has moments of weakness and they can lead to relapses. The idea of keeping a pack of cigarettes is nice but to be entirely honest, I believe it is more destructive than productive. I never read that an alcoholic should keep a bottle of whiskey in his closet, just to train his or her willpower. Because, when you need time to get to your drug, you have an actual chance to rethink your behavior and withstand the temptation. It all makes sense. Also, the moment a person admits that this or that behavior is an actual problem, he or she is taking the first step to change this behavior. In addition to that, everybody here took the step to register and post. That means, everybody has DECIDED to be here, even took the necessary obstacles to be part of this community. Everybody here is a volunteer. People who do not want to quit games can still roam the forums, but there wont be many interesting things to find, since this is about quitting games. Calling these observations of yours "flaws" is kind of contemptuous in my opinion. Which leads me to an entirely different topic: What was your motivation to join the community? Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to kick you out in a subtle way, but I do not know anybody that joins the gym to tell people that there might be flaws in their ways to train. I just wonder, what brought you here? What made you take the steps to register and what made you take the time to post? So, just think about it: What war your motivation to join? Could it be that your sub-conscious does actually believe you should reduce the amount of "games" in your life? You might not play 24/7, but I have the feeling, that you are here for a reason. Let me be entirely honest and always keep in mind, I can be completely wrong: Your nick is toad52. You could choose any name, any nickname or whatever, but you choose to identify with Toad from Mario Bros. You were 8(!) when you registered in an online forum and created your first online forum dedicated to Smash Bros and you post a message in there every second day. You say that "you would quit playing games if you would see it as a problem". Like I said, no offense and everything I state could be wrong. BUT, this is what many of us have in common, an experience we all share: A childhood filled with video games to an absurd level and a long period of time that we told ourselves, it won't be a problem. Somehow, I even have the feeling that you aren't here to give thoughts on how to improve this site, but to convince yourself that you do not have a problem with video games at all. It is a certain pattern of thinking that many people show: "If I can show others and myself that this certain system has flaws, it means the system is false and thus, I do not have a problem". I did that a lot! "I do not smoke a lot. It is the weekend, it is okay to play all night long. Today wasn't the perfect day to do this, so I will do it tomorrow" and so on and so forth. You know, this is one of the things that this site is about: Procrastination. Because all these statements are also typical statements of procrastinators. They find reasons to justify why to NOT do something. Again: I can be entirely wrong. This is just a feeling I have. So, since it is constructive criticism that you aim for, I would like you just to think about it for a moment. You might not be addicted, but could your life benefit from reducing the amount of video game input you have? After all, you decided to join this community and to post something, well knowing that this site is about quitting games. Why did you follow the white rabbit? ( I saw a matrix reference somewhere on this site, so I thought I'd just hop on the train ) Edit: God, I can still remember the last time when I had to barricade my door to keep Cam out. xD

@WorkInProgress Thank you! I will check it out and implement it into my daily structure. Day 45-46: I think, I am making some progress again. Some of the activities that I inserted into my daily schedule have ... changed. I can actually feel that I do not need a lot of willpower to clean up, do the dishes, cook and so on. All these activities have been "annoying" or simply a drag back when I was playing 10+ hrs daily. Due to the fact that I forced myself to do them day by day, it is getting easier. I really do the dishes "en passant". So the kitchen is always neat and clean lately. Also, the fridge is packed. There is no more room left. I only mention this, because this has become a permanent state. I blame the fact that I cook consciously nowadays. In my gaming life, I would usually eat toast, insta-meals or nothing at all. All that has changed and I feel way better. I can also feel that my body prefers this kind of nutrition. Well, talking about my body, something happened and it is kind of interesting. 45 days ago, I was capable of drinking a bottle of wine and be entirely sober. I was capable of drinking two bottles and all I felt was a little itch. Don't get me wrong, even though I say that I was "capable", it still isn't a good thing. Not at all. But that was the status quo. I cannot even explain it. May be, my mind was too busy playing so that I did not feel the impact of the booze. May be, I drank enough water while drinking wine to have a balance. May be, I was so used to what I did (playing and avoiding real stuff), that I could actually do it on auto-pilot while I metabolize the alcohol. I have no clue at all. BUT - and that is important now - 45 days later, that does not work anymore. Not at ll. The limits are back in order and I learned that the hard way. I drank about one and a half bottles of wine, yesterday. And boy, I will never do that again. Like I said, I was able to withstand this amount of booze easily. But yesterday, I was a walking dead. It was kind of funny, too. Because the night was horrible, the vomiting was horrible, today all sounds were twice as loud as usual and there was a massive construction site in my head. I felt like crap. And I loved it. That means that my body reacts to alcohol in a natural way. Another thing that was good about it was the process of cleansing that came with it. You know, when you vomit until there is nothing left, that is quite cleansing. I felt like I had swallowed a lot of negativity lately. I talked to people that only used me as a listener to vent their issues and some people did not treat me with respect. I felt like I needed to get that out. It is really strange, but even though I did not get sleep and felt like crap today, I was happy. In addition, I finally found some nice activities to replace gaming. Making audio-files of some of my texts is a thing that I could do the whole day. It is entertaining, rewarding and it keeps me busy. Even though I am just starting out, I can already feel that this is something I really like to spend time doing. That is about it for now. I am going to try to relax now.

Thanks everybody for all the hints. I believe meditation is a great way to find some balance. If anybody can share any recommendations for a bloody beginner, I would be grateful. Day 42 - 44: There is nothing much to write down today. The last days have been a real drag somehow. Well, except for the day I made sushi. I also realized that I am often not treating myself in a healthy way. For example, I often listen to people when they are upset, but can hardly share any issues with people around me. That is a habit I would like to re-balance. A good thing is: The workout seems to show first results. I often feel stronger and fitter than before. But right now, that is about it. Right now, I am just tired and looking forward to get some rest soon. In the image: Avocado maki, asparagus maki, green herbs maki, bean salad, miso soup, egg-rolls and asparagus nigiri. It was a busy day, but the sushi was tasty.

Day 41: Dear future Bob, it was the usual Sunday with the flu. Well, no. It was totally different. Today I cooked another meal I wanted to try. You will see more of it below in the picture. Baked goat-cheese again. This time with walnuts, cashews, sliced almonds in a dried cranberries sauce made of raspberry jam, raspberry syrup, maple syrup, apple vinegar. All served on a bed of red-beets with baked onions and a raspberry vinaigrette. Tomorrow will be sushi day. I am looking forward to it! I love sushi and I love to prepare food. Also, I read a lot about this whole Facebook and YouTube stuff and I created my first page. It is not done, yet and I really need to get used to the formats and all, but I really enjoy publishing my written and voiced stuff that way. I don't plan to become a YouTuber, but this way I can begin somewhere. If any of ze German guys around here want to take a look, this is the link to the Facebook-site: https://www.facebook.com/Robert-Arctor-723704911064761/ I hope that's okay. If posting links of that kind is not well received, I will delete it. I look forward to work on my writings again and I am happy to have a new PC soon. After punching my notebook way too often during the last years, it is time to get a new office PC. On another note: I struggled with cravings a lot during the past days. But today, there was no feeling, no desire to play a game AT ALL. I blame the creative work. It was fun and somehow entertaining. I believe that if I expand that creative work in the future, it will be way easier to avoid cravings or the usual 2hrs YouTube sessions of watching random videos. For now, that's it. Robert - out.

Day 37 - 40: Well, where to start. Last time I wrote that I feel the need of relaxation. That is still the case. I feel very stressed for weeks probably. But I believe that is has not only to do with the gaming detox, but other factors matter as well. For example, I tend to repress feelings. Doesn't matter whether a feeling is good or bad, I repress it if it does not feel "appropriate". I noticed that I am really anxious lately, which shows me that the level of suppression reaches a point where I have to vent some of the feelings. I never learned to do that. When I was a kid, everything was forbidden in my family. You could not be happy, nor sad, nor anything else. So venting feelings is not a thing I am good at, while it is quite important.So, that is a huge thing I need to work on in the future. Talking about relaxing activities: I found a couple of new activities that I really like. I already said that I began to love cooking but it goes even further. I like to make my own (ice)tea, to preserve food and to mix smoothies. I like to create my own stuff and working with food is a great way to do that. Creating stuff. Writing. I am working on that as well, but I feel that it is a drag on one day and a blast on another day. This might be caused by the repressed feelings, too. Also, I feel that my ability to concentrate seems to be on an all time low level, if not rock bottom. I can hardly read a couple of connected sentences, not even speaking about writing them. This here, this right now, is a drag, too. Because of this lack of focus. A thing I noticed is that I do not have "rests". Like, I rest when I go to bed and whether I sleep well or not is a game of dices. So, sometimes I rest at night, sometimes I don't. This might be a thing to consider. I might have to create breaks during my daily routines. Like, just for a few minutes. Just to be able to lie down for a moment and reflect how I feel inside. I think that I really miss breaks like these. The Christmas time is another thing that keeps bugging me. Ever since I was a kid, Christmas was a time of arguments, fights, aggression and so on. So I never really linked something good to Christmas. That means, every year when "it begins", I start to feel nervous and uncomfortable. Right now, like ... right now is a real hard time in this detox. Because right now, when I feel strange and not confident, right now when it is dark and cold outside, I really miss playing games. Deep down inside, I know that playing games would not change anything at all. Nothing would be better. I would not feel better. But somehow, I still miss it right now. Another thing I tried is this YouTube thing. I am not really into YouTube and I do not plan to make a "real channel". But I talked to a friend about my writing and I told him that I feel the need to "test" it. To show it to somebody and see what happens. You know, when you create stuff, at some point you have to share it with somebody. Like, let it go into the world and see what happens afterwards. See how you react to criticism. See how people react to what you express. At some point, I feel I have to. So he said, I should publish a couple of words somewhere. Like on YouTube. So, after I watched Cam's video about taking dumb action, I thought that I should really give it a go. I do not plan to invest too much into it, but it is a way to show what I tend to do. A tiny step. We also discussed a different topic: He showed me a university where you can study script-writing, directing and acting. So, we joked around and in the end we decided to apply for this thingy. Just for fun. To see what happens. If they approve and let us study, well ... we can study. I mean, why not? It is a good direction. I think that's it for today. I hope I will be able to post a few photos again. I always liked to post photos. To look back to these days when I first made this or that. It is a nice way to remember the feeling. Alright, for now: Robert - out. P.S.: Found one photo to post. Preserved ginger (gari) for sushi. Made three of those jars. First time I pickled something.

Robin, I love the videos. I really do. I thought, since it is a very strong topic and very popular, you could also create a video where you talk about motivation. Like, generating motivation to work out, the consequences of workout, e.g. feeling confident, strong and so on. Combined with self respect and all that goes along with it. Because I feel many people have issues with starting to work out, keep working out and seeing the results of the workout. As said, really like it and I would love to see more of your stuff!

After watching Cam's "Take dumb action" video, I thought I might take some dumb action. Within 30 minutes I wrote a text, made a "video" and uploaded it to YouTube. Brace yourselves, this text is in German. For everybody who wants to get an idea of how I write, well ... ... I had a few glasses of wine. Gettin' tipsy and such. Ah, who cares. Listen to it or don't. https://youtu.be/GC-Dmv-VICo Simon, I promise to do that at some point. But right now, I believe my level of English is inferior. So, grant me some time to improve. Also, that might sound a little off track but: You wrote "aswell". That is how I would write it "aswell", but I am constantly being harassed by the correction tool that it is spelled "as well". Now, I would bet that I learned it like you wrote it, but the auto-correct keeps bugging me. I wonder, is there a difference in British and American English? I know, I could google that but ... I like old-school conversations. Edit: I just realized, this is my first "real" YouTube video. Give me a "Woohoo" if you you fell like doing it.

It is quite interesting that the only game I think of during my detox is Stardew Valley. From my 600 games, it is the ONLY one in my mind. And for the same reasons like you stated. Because it is so easy, relaxing and mind numbing. Making progress almost goes without doing anything and the progress feels good. I have been thinking a lot about that situation and I believe it could be solved by doing something "similar". I know, we wont inherit an old farm, but if you break that game down to what you do, you can actually find similar activities. For example, I started to get interested in cooking and preserving food. In the game, you need to grow plant A and combine it with object B to craft artisan product C. You can do that in your real life, too. And in the end, you will look at something you really created. That is my idea for now, to find activities in real life, that are similar to what you liked to do in your favorite game. So, keep your head up and look forward to trying again! I mean it. Every time you try again, you have a better and better starting position. Don't worry too much and look on the progress you already made. You have this under control!

I might be a dick, but I automatically assumed that people who discuss stuff on reddit ona daily basis have no clue about social interactions. Reading through some of the top replies made me kinda sad-mad. I mean, look at the title of the reddit conversation: Mistakes? I mean, can you actually make mistakes in social interactivity? And who would be to judge, whether you made a mistake or not? Who believes he is "fluent" when it comes to social interactivity? Does labeling some people "awkward" not show that the person who labels does not have the skills to interact with these people and rather labels them the "failure" instead of working on his own skills? It is so easy to say that somebody makes "mistakes" and is "awkward" while interaction takes TWO people.The reply with the most points is: This way of thinking is extremely one-sided and shows - in my opinion - that the person who states this sentence, does not have great social skills. If a person is not able to pick up your disinterest, tell him or her that you would rather not talk or talk about a different topic. That is so easy and the only way you actually use social skills to change a situation. See what I meant above? The person that does not pick up the vibe gets labeled "awkward" and made a "mistake". The person that fails to express his or her disinterest gets labeled the "correct" person, because everybody should know when you don't give a fuck about other people's stories. This is a typical and in my eyes, useless way of thinking. A conversation takes at least 2 people. And if one person does not like the topic, he or she should be able to communicate this disinterest and not just assume that everybody can read his or her "signs". I did not read through all the replies in the reddit, because that would only make me angry. But what I read was the typical "internet-people" bullshit that does not help anybody. The best way to socially interact with people is to stop thinking that there is a best way. We are all kind of different and interacting with somebody requires constant learning and being open to learn about you and the world around you. That is sad. Kind of ... really sad. Because that is also the core of why many people are lacking confidence, self-esteem and so on. They want other people to like them. Is that confidence? When you care whether other people like or do not like you, you are their slave. YOU have to like YOU. And when YOU like YOU, YOU will be confident in what YOU do because YOU can trust YOUR skills, YOUR actions and YOUR mind. Confidence lies in trusting one-self. Once you trust yourself, you will speak to people in a different way. You will stop to satisfy their expectations and be yourself. And you will learn that some people like that person that is YOU and some don't. Also, social interaction should not be about warm cozy feelings while you talk to somebody. Sometimes, the best you get is somebody crushing your entire way of seeing things. Sometimes, it is brutal honesty. Sometimes you realize, you were wrong. There are many possible outcomes for a social interaction. And sometimes you meet people that do not like you at all and the more you try to change that, the more they dislike you. Keep those you like close and show them that you like them. Stop working on your persona. Let your personality work. Edit: How about "Confidence is when you walk into a room where nobody likes you and manage to walk out without thinking of yourself as a failure". Something like this.

Day 32 - 36: Long time no see Roberts been busy lately. The first days were horrible. Bad sleep. Bad days. Tired, cravings. But yesterday, that changed again. Ever since yesterday, I feel like making progress again. I have not been writing, because ... I dunno, blockade. But I found ways to bypass that blockade. I understood, that no matter HOW I work with my writings, it keeps motivating me. So I discussed ideas with a friend, an aspiring filmmaker and we discussed the option of me speaking the voice overs for his mini-docus. In return, he will produce the pictures for some of my short-texts. I wrote one great text a few days ago and did not really realize how good it actually was. After that, the avalanche broke loose. I wrote, had new ideas and was really motivated. One really interesting fact I noticed: Whenever I work on my stuff, I feel confident. When I feel confident, people treat me differently. Even my dog obeys like a good soldier when I am confident. Dogs quickly feel whether a human is confident or not. So, good stuff. Great stuff. If ze germanz in ze forum are interested in a few examples of text, I will gladly share a few phrases on this board. If not, that is okay as well. Right now, I cannot really write a lot into my journal, because I am kind of enjoying the progress I make. Which is, to be honest, a great thing. Sometimes it is good to be out of words, I guess. Oh, also: I love to cook. Not always, but from time to time. Brace yourselves for a few pics. I can only recommend that to anybody. If you are on your detox, cook your own food. And invest some love into your cooking. It pays off. Robert - out. P.S.: In the appendix: Tortellini with tomato-onion sauce. Banana-Pancakes with nothing but bananas, eggs and baking soda. Banana-pineapple-coconut cream-smoothie.

Weeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeelcome to the forum! Always love to see new people join the "movement".

Congratulations! Now, Ashley, you know what? I believe that quitting video games NOW is not the right time for you. I know, many people say every moment is the perfect moment to do this or that or bla. But let's be real for a second: If I would have the stress, weight and responsibility you have right now, I would probably collapse. Giving birth to a human, working "a job" 24hrs a day, often without any sleep or rest, that would be too much for me to bear. So, in addition to all of that, you try to work on an addiction as well. That means, despite the fact that you already do SO MUCH, you raise your expectations even higher to a level where it is close to impossible to succeed. These expectations create pressure and with the failure comes the feeling of guilt. If you ask me, don't do that. Do not quit video games right now. Not cold turkey. Instead, I would recommend to begin "preparing" your turkey. That means, do simple and very, very easy exercises in which you can succeed. For example, if you feel the urge to play, delay it a little. Drink a glass of water, listen to a song and after 10 minutes, well ... go ahead and play. Then, set an alarm clock that forces you to take a break after 30 minutes or so. And convince yourself to take this break. These are all just examples, but they show what I try to say: Train your willpower in tiny bits. Do not over-extend when it is almost impossible to win the battle. This video game withdrawal will take a lot from you and you will make it, but probably not right now. For now, care for your family and for you and if it happens that you find yourself playing a game, do not blame yourself and do not play the guilt-game. This will only lead in loads of failed trials, which will lower your self-esteem, which will make it even harder to imagine quitting games. This is what I mean. And this image of yourself will get worse over time if you fail and fail again. And the point is, that you do not fail because you are weak or bad or whatever. Because you are not. You fail because you are already 110% occupied with a different, GREAT and IMPRESSING job, that is being a mother of a new born kid. Like I said, take the tiniest steps you can possibly make. This process will take its time. You can and you will do it. You will succeed, but you have to take the tiniest steps possible for now.

@hycniejsy To be honest, I never tried to grow edible plants on my balcony. Except for herbs. The problem I see is that a) it would take a long, long time until you can harvest. Garlic for example can be harvested in the summer. And b) when you grow plants in a pot, you need to use fertilizer, otherwise the nutrients in the dirt will be eaten up in no time and the plant wont be able to grow anymore. When using fertilizer for edible plants, I would be careful to use biological, soft fertilizer. I mean, you could also use chemical bombs, but you are planning to turn it into food, so... If you are new to growing stuff, I would suggest to just try out various plants. Not a single one. If you have 4 pots, plant different plants. Right now, I would suggest to grow them inside first, since your apartment should be warm and bright. When the plant is matured, place them outside. Otherwise, try to start with herbs. They are really easy to tend. Try rosemary for example. It should be able to withstand the cold temperature outside. @All the others Thanks for the support. Right now, I can really feel that I am changing and damn, that is exhausting. Instead of cravings, I have to deal with a lot of nostalgia. My thoughts keep dragging me back to my childhood and my childhood games. I think that is part of the process. Day 30-31: Slow days. Tough days. Rough days. There is much going on inside right now, but not very much outside. I am missing energy to really make steps worth mentioning. As said, I am thinking a lot, feeling a lot. That is what keeps me busy right now. Still, I am trying to motivate myself, which is not too easy. I will stay on the track and I try to focus on my projects. Right now, there are 2 projects I am running. I mentioned that earlier, but I'll mention it again anyway: The basement and an episode of a fictive TV series. The basement is good as done and looks really nice. In about 4 days, I will buy paint and wood and add the last "touch" to it. The episode is not going too well. I have 9 pages, that is all. But I said it before: I will not be disappointed with me if I do not succeed. Every step I take is good and sometimes progress grows slowly. For now, I think I will just try to rest and get some sleep soon. My nights are horrible. There will be better times. Sometimes, you just gotta fight your way through the dark times, I guess. The lack of sunlight is always a problem for me in the winter times.

@Simon E I can totally understand what you mean. It is the darkness that is interesting. I always told myself that I never want to be satisfied or entirely happy. It a a horrible condition for me. We all know that condition. One is happy and totally stupid (which is great, but still). When we are unhappy, there is always this feeling of desire, which shows a direction to go to. Talking to happy people is very often really annoying. (Don't take me too serious.) Luckily, I feel horrible today, so more negative stuff is coming up: Day 29: Robert is lost. Kind of. And on Day 29 of my gaming detox and day 15 of my no-smoking detox, I had a little relapse... kind of: I smoked a cigarette. But let's not start in the middle of the story. Let's start where it actually begins. I slept like crap. Another night riddled with nightmares. Fractured sleep and after waking up, I felt more exhausted than before going to bed. This seems to be a regular thing now. After getting out of bed, the day only got worse. My girlfriend had the day off but instead of having a nice time, we had some issues. My life is changing right now, which is fine. But her life is changing as well. She does not want to continue working her job. That generates tension sometimes. We both are in conditions where every feeling can be unstable. Long story short, I was really pissed and could not stand her. So I walked the dog to get a clear mind. That did not work. The dog is at the end of her "special days". The last ten days, the dog loved everybody. Now, it is the opposite. So instead of getting my mind cleared up, it got worse. Ever since I got up this morning, my right eye lid keeps flickering. It seems to be a sign of being over-stressed. Right now, I would love to live the life of a hermit. Everything annoys me. Of all my daily goals, I managed to get one done. The easiest one. I successfully procrastinated the rest. But, in my own defense, I did not really procrastinate them really. I feel that I needed my whole mind capacity today. Because, a couple of hours ago, after a long time of thinking, I understood something. In a different post, I wrote that I am missing relaxing activities. That is still the case. But the "case" is even bigger. I am not only missing relaxing activities. I am missing a whole life, somehow. Today, I deleted my entire wishlist on amazon. I had about 12 lists with a sum of about 120 products. I did not even want them, I just "saved" them. I realized, that this is just a compensation. I am collecting stuff. The same goes for groceries. Ever since I quit gaming, I had this feeling that I need to hoard groceries in the basement. Just in case. I did not do it, but the feeling was and is still there. But why do I want to hoard stuff all of the sudden? And why do I feel like crap? The answer is quite easy and quite absurd at the same time: I lost everything. I know, I know. It is kind of obvious. I stopped to play video games, which I usually did for 16h a day. Thus, I lost everything. Should be easy, right? But it is not that easy. Since I stopped, I have more time and more money. I don't have enough activities to fill the time and I don't have anything I would really want to buy. That's why I deleted my wish list. Because I clearly know that I do not need that crap I had on there. With the instant gratification of gaming and buying gone, I am left with nothing. See, buying stuff is like gaming. I buy a new car, I grow by the amount of value I tag to this car. I "grow". In reality, I do not grow at all. But when buying stuff, there is this strange feeling, that one made actual progress. I bought a new kitchen table, thus I made progress in my life. But that is not how it works. The same pattern - as we all know - applies to gaming. It applies to gaming, quick sex with strangers, buying stuff, consuming "information" on the internet and so on. There is always this feeling of growing. Of extending. But once the mind understands this pattern, there is no going back. Of course, you can relapse; you can go and buy that third monitor, that new fridge, you can play your game and achieve a new level and such, but your mind now knows that this is just the illusion of actual growth and achievement. You cannot go back. You canNOT go back. Reading this statement and fully understanding it are two different things. I am sitting here and I know that if I boot up my game, I will not enjoy it or will not be able to enjoy it as much as I would like to. Because there is this itch in my mind. This annoying little itch that comes up when I try to fool myself. You see, you can fool yourself. You can. Many people do that on a daily basis. It is quite easy: If you don't know that you fool yourself, you can fool yourself. As long as you do not have proof that you fool yourself, you do not know that you fool yourself. It might be different for other people, but that is how my mind works. So, to not get any proof, you better ignore any information and any experience regarding your issue. As long as you play video games and do not know anything about the consequences, hence ignore what happens in your life, you don't know that you fool yourself. So, on the brink of day 30, I understood. I am at the point of no return. Just like in the matrix: Once you left it, you cannot go back, because you know, you are inside the matrix. It seems our minds have a certain urge for reality. I cannot go back to gaming and I cannot buy stuff to give myself the feeling of personal extension. That is horrible. (That is the absurd part.) It is horrible and it is great. It is great, because that means that I can fully concentrate on real personal growth. On following my actual goals. And it is horrible, because that means that I have to concentrate on real personal growth. The easy way of living is gone. In other, more lyrical words: The great emptiness is back. You know, everybody has this great gaping emptiness inside. We all know it. We all fear it somehow. It is this emptiness, that makes us buy shit we don't need or play stuff we don't like. It is that emptiness that makes us pursue a way of life we don't want to live. Just to avoid it. Just to fill it with something so that it shuts the fuck up. Because that is what it does. It stares at us and screams at us. Silent, inaudible, in our minds and in our hearts. And now that I don't want to buy anything and don't want to play anything, I am left with this emptiness. I stare into it and what I see is me staring at me staring into it. It expects something from me. It demands something from me. It demands growth. Because that seems to be the only way to actually silence it. It demands that I learn, experience, feel, connect, improve, extend, understand and love. And now I am left with it, great. Really, really great. No more ways out, no more easy solutions. What lies ahead of me tough work and no more instant gratification. Knowing it and understanding it are, like I said, two different things. It is on the brink of day 30 that I understand that my life will change. An old life will die or is painfully dying right now, a new life awaits being created. Sounds dramatic, doesn't it? But that is the way it is. A part of me is painfully dying right now. I can feel it every day. Sometimes I feel great and the next moment I feel like crap. I feel cravings, I struggle to concentrate and to get something started demands willpower. This is my old life dying. Some people say that your life starts once again when you hit the 30 years mark. That is probably what they mean. And it seems the same goes for the 30 days mark. So, Robert is left with a new way of life. I am left with a new way of life. Tough work ahead. That does not mean that there is no fun. But "fun" has changed. So, what I do next is that I clean up, once again. I did that before, but with a different mindset. At first, I got rid of all the real bad crap. Now I need and want to get rid of the stuff, that I do not want to pursue. There are thing that I am interested in. And there are things that I think I am interested in. The latter have to go to make room for the real stuff. Less stuff means less stuff to tend, secure, sort and so on. The more I get rid of, the more I am free to do. So, as said, that is the next step. I will get rid of all the unnecessary luggage, to make my journey even possible. After and while I do that, I will further pursue my actual goals. After understanding all that, which was a lot for me, I wanted to smoke a cigarette. I did that. It did not taste too great, nor too bad. But I felt that it is not what I want and I LOVED that feeling. I loved to know that I cannot go back easily. So, this horrible day had some bright moments, even though they were horrible as well. But it is way easier to see the light when you are surrounded by darkness. While being surrounded by colorful lights of any kind - imagine Tokyo at night - it is hard to tell which light to follow to get to the lamppost that is your goal. That's it for now. I did not play any video game and I do not want to. Sadly, there is no photo to post today. Just imagine a grown man sitting in the bathtub, staring blankly at the white tiles in front of him. That man is probably me.

Work on organic farms. A good way to travel and see places while having a safe place to stay and work: https://www.wwoof.de/index.php?article_id=1&clang=1