Simon E

Good luck on the exam (even though Cam is right; do it because of who you're going to become, not the tangible rewards.) Also congrats on the progress you've made this far. It's only the beginning, eh?

You're right, it IS something to think about, and when I do, I strongly suspect you're right. This whole idea about "you are the company you keep" is difficult to implement in life. I have friends and family I love dearly, but the difference between us and where we're going is painfully obvious. Maybe I need this forum more than I first thought. Thank you for the insight Cam.

I'm lacking sleep right now and more emotional than usual, so I almost tear up (manly tears ofcourse ) from reading this above. There's something amazing about when people - metaphorically - climb out of the black pit they've spent their lives in and see sunlight for the first time in forever. You're on the path to something beautiful. Keep going my friend.

There's not much incentive for me to continue journaling here, since I've quit successfully in the past and I'm not in the risk of relapsing again. Although I do appreciate your company Practising my written english is also something I have to do, so I might stick around. As for my life right now, I'm finally sitting down to set some tangible goals, and desing the plans necessary for their achievement. These goals are going to be ridiculousy large; of such size that I should bow down in doubt, but instead burst out in joyful laughter, with a single question ringing in my head: "Why not?" Limits exist wherever we place them, never forget that. We can always do more, we can always live harder, we can always dream bigger. To ever set your foot down on the path to greatness and say, "No more", is the biggest tragedy heard of. Keep moving forward. That's what I'm going to do, I'll see you there.

You've been in the game for long enough that you know relapses are just bumps in the road. Attempt to analyze everything (everything: your behaviors, your thoughts, your environment; literally all the factors that could have caused the relapse) about the situation, and create an action plan for how you are going to prevent it in the future. Otherwise you seem to be well. Keep enjoying life, I guess

You're doing a great job. Remember to take some time and give yourself props for what you are doing - sacrificing something you love for becoming who you know you can be. Something greater. Now: day 29. Sooner than you think, it will say day 90. Stay strong.

You are on the right path, you know, no matter how tough and messy and dark everything might seem at the moment. One morning, a certain amount of days from now, you will wake up to the sound of birds outside your window, the morning sun shining through. As your body slowly wakes up, the sheets soft against your tired skin, you will instinctively look inside yourself, into your heart - as we all do - and suddenly realise that there no longer is a hole there. That you no longer crave gaming or fapping. That morning, you will realise you have won, and it'll be beautiful :') Until then, stay strong.

Congratulations on surviving another year Hope you're well, or becoming so.

My fingers fell in place on the QWER buttons as if they had never parted. Powerful music in my ears, the gaming chair comfortable beneath me and a night ahead that suddenly couldn't be better spent than right here. I'm never too big to look my own mistakes and flaws dead in their ugly eyes. Yesterday night I remebered how it felt to be addicted. I had, before I allowed myself to relapse, a vague preconception that I would play one, maybe two games; no more than one and a half hour, definitely. I sat there for seven. One or two games became six. Thus I realised, what might've been obvious all along. I can never play video games again. That hurts, and I've yet to find a persepective that allows me to find peace with the gaming. If I let my thoughts wander, the nostalgia and the cravings threaten to overwhelm me, and I fear that this wound may never really heal. Long story short, my relapse began yesterday night and ended yesterday night. It is the last time, I hope, that I will ever play. Now, I once again begin to look forward. The competition I'm lacking can be found in my writing, on an abstract plane: there is always someone who might work harder than you. This spurs me to take my writing practise to extraordinary levels. On a more tangible plane, I will go back to Krav Maga next spring. Even though that martial art isn't designed for competing, the weekly sparring lessons truly make my heartbeat rise. The call to greatness is whispering in my ear, and I intend to listen. I intend to become the best possible version of myself I can be, and I think the same goes for all of you here, otherwise you would have let yourself wither away in front of that screen you - we - all loved so dearly. I am grateful for your comments and for your mere existance. Cam, thank you for your endless patience with what must be stubborn stupidity in your eyes Stay, or become, strong.

Hey strangers, I'm back. The reason for my return is - even though I have been missing your virtual company - selfish. It's because quitting games might soon be (all too) relevant for me again. I am, rationally, considering to begin playing again (it's been five months since the last time). New amazing skins have been released for my favorite champion. This, and the urge for competition (I want to, eye to eye, beat others through my own skill and effort, which is something I lack in my life right now - and something I'll have to make sure I include in the future) is what makes me wanna go back. I don't feel like it's the addiction making this decision, because I'm not anxious, depressed or in rough place. I do not have anything to escape from. What frightens me most regarding this isn't the potential lack of control the addiction may lead to, and it isn't the one-two hours a day I will be spending on it. It's how playing will change the perception of myself. I'm scared I won't be able to walk with straight back, head held high and be the best version of myself if I play. I'm afraid that I won't have the same courage when chasing my dreams and moving forward in life as I have up until this point. That I longer truthfully can say I am on the path to greatness. I'm terrified to shrink in my own eyes. This is a fair share of doubts. But not enough to convince me, apparently. I am planning to use everything I've learned from self development to make the most of this conscious relapse, and to cut losses. That means: Scheduling it into my days and using it as a motivator (high density fun) for the work earlier in the day, and as reason to cut out all distractions (low density fun).Maximizing the time I play: deliberate practise, learn from mistakes, never do it light-heartedly. I'm not playing because I'm lazy, it's because I want to get good. Greatness is apparent here too.Making sure I do everything else I deem necessary before playing (working to earn money, writing, exercising and eating proper food). View it as a test of willpower; it's bound to get stronger if I manage to stick to my schedule and never play spontaneously.I do not plan to let this relapse last forever, or even a long time (a couple weeks is what I had in mind). It is not compatible with who I want become and what I want to acheive, and I don't think it ever will be. Am I weak for letting myself indulge in gaming again for two-three weeks? Maybe. But I know I can quit, I've done it before. I will continually write about my thoughts end experiences concerning this eventual (probable) chosen relapse. Hope you're all well

I resonate with your struggle, because I've felt similarly for a long time. We share a brand of misery. I tend to always want to go bigger, beyond the everyday struggles and thoughts of people around me. Shut everyone else out and work on myself and my oh-so-important dreams. While I strongly believe this is the path I need to take - you do not achieve excellence by living a normal life - it can result in loneliness. Me also being strongly introverted also acts as both a curse and a blessing. What I would advise is to try open up, tiny bits at a time. Life is intrinsically lonely, yes, but a little less so if you find a friend or a girl who are worthy of walking alongside you on your path (and I promise, there are some out there). Words are terribly insufficient, but suppose for a second that I've felt just as you do now. I can't offer you a solution, but you must understand that whatever it is, whatever you're dissatisfied with, you can change. Feeling lonely, closed in, distant, rigid? Accept it, shut off your apathy, your emotions, and begin logically working on it. This turned into a rant, as it usually goes. Hope you can take away something from my words, and good luck <3

I'm in quite a positive mood right now - the rebound from quitting games always makes me feel powerful. It's kinda weird I know, but when I press the delete button and begin to make ambitious plans again, everything feel possible. I go in a really developmental state. Working on a lot of productive things right now, but the main two challenges I'll have to face is 1. Qutting all youtube/netflixing, since this is completely unresourceful, and 2. Talking to strangers, specifically the ones called "girls", haha. Compared to skydiving, performing at a concert or holding a public presentation approaching a girl I do not know is literally the most terrifying thing I can think of, but I wanna get better at it, so I'll have to try. You know, where there's resistance, there's possible growth. That's it for tonight. The weather's getting warmer, summer looms on the horizon. Life is good. Do the thing you fear most, and the death of fear is certain <--- I'm going to tatto that shit on my brain

Good job! Not giving up truly is the most important thing. As Kevin up above said, you shouldn't disregard your sleep; everything else becomes way easier when you're rested. Keep going!

Hey, it's me, Hannah Baker... *cough* Simon. So, I've kinda relapsed? Altough it was less of a relapse and more of an active decision cheered on by the choir of addicted braincells - if that makes sense? No? Okay. It's happened twice, both on days when I come home from school feeling overall tired and somwehat depressed, so I just say "fuck it, I've been doing good for so long now, I can game away a night." First time was a couple weeks ago, and the second time was just this evening. I've been able to cut my losses and minimize the relapses to one night each, deleting league again after indulging, but this leads me to having to question my behaviours and what resulted in these defeats against the addiction. I still watch league content on youtube, and while I thought in the past that this was okay, that I'd be able to manage it, I'm reevaluating now. It's fairly possible that my longing for league never will go away completely if I keep subjecting myself to it - even if it's just watching other people play. The hour's late now - the gaming session screwed my sleep schedule over - and my brain is pretty much gone already, so I'll call it quits there, and pick it up again tomorrow. Finishing note: I will be coming here to write and attempt to fix my life :') (hopefully there's someone here who remembers me) Good night people, hope you're all good.

Day 73: Hey, I'm backkkkkkk. I am sick with a fever and stuff, so I might be more delusional than usual. Actually, I won't write alot today. Things are well - except for my discipline and the way I'm managing my time: binging, youtube, etc. I think this is the next challenge for me, now that I've 'defeated' gaming. I'm positive that it can be done, but I'm asking you anwyays. If you experienced a time where you were constantly consuming tv-series or netflix or whatever, how did you deal with it? Thank you. I might come back and write here more often (I sad that one month ago too, which didn't really happen then). We'll see. I wish you all the best.

Day 51: Yo. 5.1% of the 1000 day challenge completed. Honestly, it feels good to think of your days as part of something bigger; it grants perspective, and lets you disregard the small defeats as the irrelevant setbacks they are. But whatever. I'm here to bring you the current situation. Brace yourselves, it won't be pretty. I can't sleeeeeeeep. Pls keel me. Seriously though, I'm super thorough with my sleeping habits; cool room, relaxing bedtime rituals, somewhat same time to bed every night. Still, I wake up in the middle of every night and can't for everything that's holy go back to sleep for 30-60 min. It's terribly annoying, and I don't know the cause of it; that's what bothers me the most. I gave nofap a try, even though I've had no problem with porn or masturbation. It might have something to do with that? Or some underlying stress that I'm not aware of? Oh well, I think I'll manage. (Pls kill me). Jk - it will pass. Everything will pass. Change is the only constant. Everything else is going fine I think. Still struggling with discipline and writing, which is something I'll have to figure out. I don't know. Life seem to pass by really quickly - you never quite get time to figure stuff out thouroughly, don't you agree? I want to pause the clock and take a couple of whole days to simply think. I guess that's too utopian. That's it for me today. Slightly solemn post today, but you'll excuse me, right? Peace.

Day 43: Uhm... Hi guys. Remember me? Checking in here both so you know I'm alive and also because I need it. I miss the sense of control that comes with writing down thoughts and troubles. Things are going well, I must say. I'm a chronic perfectionist so I'm pretty much never satisfied, which is why it's additionally important for me to take a step back and look how far I've come. 1-2 years ago I sat down in front of a screen and played league for mininum of 3-4 hours every day, while also being a social potato and very limited in my thinking. I've made tremendous progress since then, but as I said, never satisfied Here's the current status. Habits and things that are going well: Sleeping. My sleeping patterns are in check, and I make sure I get around 9 hours every night. Aiming to maintain the same schedule even on weekends to see how it feels.Music. I've been playing both the piano and the guitar daily for 30+ minutes each.WORKING OUT. Man, I love this. I believe humans are made to move, atleast I am. I train 3-6 days a week and I feel like I'm getting stonger every time. On my way to things such as front lever, human flag and bar muscle ups. I strongly urge every one that comes across this to start exercising, it's golden.Being social. I've made a conscious effort of talking more to people, especially girls, and I'm enjoying it. Will continue and intensify this.Self-developmental reading. Finished "How to stop worrying and start living" by Dale Carnegie and "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown, with a big stack of other books waiting to be read. This is good.Things that aren't going so well: Studying.............. I mean, seriously? 90% of the things we do feels so meaningless. Want to know how earthworms reproduce, or how to formulate advanced mathimatic proofs? No! Me neither. I'm managing tho.Discipline. Some days I just get stuck consuming or being a potato, and I don't want that. Nuh uh. Not entirely sure about how to solve this except forcing my sorry ass to stop.Drawing. I do more than before, but still not every day, and nothing from imagination, which I would like to. I'm very proficient at drawing from photos and real life, but from my head? Wtf? It won't work.Writing. Ughhhhh. For someone wanting to become a writer, this is a serious problem. I can't get myself to write. I'm starting to seriously doubt whether I love writing or if I'd just like to love writing. But then again, I get terribly excited making up stories in my head. Idk, I'll have to solve that somehow. Probably by shutting off my perfectionism and lowering every self-made requirement. That's it for now; I simply wanted to lay out the situation before me. I think I might begin journaling regularly again. Not sure. We'll see Peace for now.

Congratulations my friend! And very well written. I like the twist of the Pied Piper, and I agree with the idea you put forth, that every game quitter and every human being is capable of great things. In this modern world people are made out to be numerous, expandable, good-for-nothing, only capable of consuming and doing the repetetive tasks someone tells them to do. Even for me, who prides myself for having an open mind, it's hard to see my neighbour, my friends, the cashier etc changing the world, but when you think about it, why wouldn't they be able to? They have the same qualifications as let's say Julius Ceasar, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King had. They only difference is that they have been told they cannot be great, and so they believe in it. Sorry for ranting on your journal. Again, congratulations! You're on a completely different path now from when you started this detox. We are all on that path, as you said, together. Here's to never accepting numbness again!

It's alright to feel pretty shitty a few days or weeks after you quit, but you shouldn't settle with this. When you feel somewhat ready, pick yourself up and dust yourself off I recommend that you quit all game-related content. yeah it can be hard, but it'll help tremendously. Gather some motivation, and decide that you won't consume that shit anymore. Write down a bunch of other things that you would like to achieve aswell - maybe getting a stronger, better-looking body? Be ambitious, and keep that list where you can see it. Good luck, my friend.

Day 23: You know what that means? I'm 2.3% into my 1000 days challenge! Haha. Exciting stuff, I know. Life is going well - I've bought and borrowed a bunch of developmental books to indulge in - "How to stop worrying and start living", "How to win friends and influence", "Daring Greatly" etc, and I've started quite a few. I absolutely love the feeling when you read about a concept and you can almost feel how it sinks in, and you realize how and when you can use it. A moment of growth. I think it's tremendously important for human beings to keep learning and growing, to feel like no matter the problems, there's always information and techniques to learn that can help you overcome whatever it is you face - a search for happiness, wanting to have a better career etc. I'm truly grateful that I'm born in a place and time where it's possible to develop yourself. Another thing I've found, as a result of this new learning, is that I want to share this feeling, this idea of bettering yourself. I've always considered myself as a somewhat "selfish" person - I do not get involved with other people that much. But now I geniunely want to tell everyone how amazing it feels to actually learn new, important stuff - to feel in control of your life. It also made me question why not everyone does this. Why are people content with a stagnant life of consumerism and 9 to 5 jobs? Why do they resist adopting these new mindsets? It saddens me a bit. Apart from that, I'm keeping my other daily Slight Edge-esque habits in check, which gives me a solid foundation. As long as I do these, I'm awarded with a certain calm - however I might feel on a daily basis, I'm atleast progressing, moving forward. Also, I've begun working on what might be my biggest challenge - being social. Especially in relation to girls. I've been shy in the past, and I'm a proud introvert, and I have a way of transforming into a potato when I really need to stay sharp, haha. But I'm positive that I can get better as long as I work on it. This outlook is a result of all the reading and thinking, something I value very highly. Everything can be improved upon. Everything will be okay. This bible is all from me today. Will check in here again in a couple days. Hope you're all well!

Happy birthday, my wise friend

As a hardcore booknerd, I agree! Goodreads is golden

As always, I like to read about your relationship with your siblings! It warms my cold, only-child heart... Jk You're getting close to 90 days now! Give me some #hype! Keep going.

Day 15: Hey. I'm just checking in to make sure you guys know I'm alive. I've been struggling a little lately; been feeling kinda undisciplined and tired, which has resulted in consuming stuff from the internet. I realize now that it might have been kinda naïve of me to expect to be able to quit all youtube and netflix cold turkey - its something I will have to work on for a while, with repeated attempts of quitting/decreasing the time spent on it. Fall seven times, stand up eight. Today I regained control though, motivated as I am by the terrifying fact that school starts again in 2 days. I want to begin this term with some momentum, and at that I think I've suceeded (probably the first winter holidays that I haven't spent gaming away #success). I'm striving to become more of a machine in that sense. I want to be able to get shit done no matter how I'm feeling. That's a journey, I guess. I'll attempt to exercise my "will-muscle" a bit every day. Now I should get to sleep. I am in desperate need of fixing my sleep schedule. Honestly, it might be broken beyond repairing. Oh well. G'night people.

Yeah, I agree with the above. I think it's fine to masturbate without porn once in a while, but since you've been addicted, you should be really careful to not fall into old habits.