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White Draco Edge

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Everything posted by White Draco Edge

  1. 2021, Sep 27 events: After an over-playing for 2 days, now it's the 4th day. I am back to discipline mode and normal sleeping schedule and activities. The process is hard, there are a lot things to remeber; I can be certain that I do not want to relapse, again. I am not as hopeless as before. That is good stuff to look forward to , and I recover fatser now. I think I just need to start believeing that I can do this; IT IS POSSIBLE; and I will , and I AM ABLE to control my addictions, and get other things I want I am gratiful for: - Les Brown. He gave me the things I can say to myself every morning to start my day with a holy shiled that can carry me through tough times - my work out equipments. They help me release tension when I am uneasy, when I forgot to breath - My caring and naging parents. As always. I love you sometimes, I hate you sometimes, but the love is what counts, it is unconditional. Ha ha.
  2. Hi Wojciech S. . You said you have anxiety when playing interactive aompetitive games. I feel the same way when I play League of Legends. Thay all make people anxious; for me, I tried to not think abut wining, and just have fun in what ever way I want and ignore other players' behaviours; It works somtime. I guess this part it's like real life, if you focus yourself, you do not need to be competitive; you just need to be happy. only professional match game players get satisfaction and payment for trying hard to WIN, for others, we should focus on other things like our job, health, family etc,. 

    Do not think about wining. Think about "this is my time to have fun and do whatever the heck I want". OR, play some non-competitive games. I have a psp that have all other people's maxed out saves, so I do not need to grind, or be competitive since onthing can beat me. I found that when I play those games, it is easier to have more fun than on line competitive games; this ia about peer pressure; it's about standing on our ground.


  3. You mentioned seeking approval from parents. I find that resonating wiht me since my situation is very similar. I think: my parent did not have dreams, so they rely on my success fot them to gain self satisfaction, because that's the only way they know to get validation for their purpose. They are not aware that happiness need to be somthing they can keep doing by themselves. I accept them for that, and it is like they are my children sometimes; my hapiness will make them happy, which is the best gift parents can give to thier children. Which means: I now have one more reason to controll my addictions. A psychologist named Gabor (on youtube) said childhood has a significant link to addiction. I believe it's ture, which leads to acceptance and forgivness for parents and more focus on self-improvement. Like you, I am also working on my "dream list". I list my dreams, the things I need to do and avoid, and I look at them, meditate, and say them out loud, first thing in the morning. It's good to have dogs and cats around. They probably will make you less lonely when having urges for games ? But I imagine we all have moments of being alone. I think that's where the trails begin. Hang in there, comrade.
  4. Good day Gundham. Happy birthday, first of all. I think it's wonderful you shared this jounal with a close family. How does that feel ? How did that family member react after seeing the jounal ? How long does it take for that family member to start to accept you on this issue ?
  5. 2021, September 23 Summary: 3 hrs of games spread out through day time, then from 10 PM - 7 AM straight playing. total: 12 hours within a 24 hour span, for 1 day. Facts: - Having a lot of free time - Not having a 9-5 job - I was seeking reawrd after some hard work - I was bored - I was not willing to do other activities during that time - after playing: fingers, back, neck, body, eyes, butt aches - went to sleep at 7 AM, and woke up at 12 PM - state of mind after over-playing: "It hasppened again. Well, it can't be helped. I do like games and the body-aches are real. I did not cause harm to others, for now. I derserve hapiness. I can start to make things better right alway. I do not need guilt or shame; they are the killers for positive attitude and focus. What happened, are the past now, can not change it, let me start a better day with pround, hope and love, and write these things down to make sense of what I did, and give me some wisdom for the next trail ahead." My awareness: - this time, there is less shame and beating-myself-up-for-nothing. This seems quite powerful. In the past, whenever I over-played, I think I went into a temporary "F*ck, I am worthless..." attitude. That is killer for hapiness, man ! Why do I have that ?? It does not make sense. I am going to do positive self affirmation every day now, I'm telling you. I need to turn this nasty self-discrimation attitude around, killl those nasty venom bugs; all hail Ophra Winfrey ! I am WORTHY !! Future Stratagies: More real-people conection will come to me, or I will go find them. I can sense it happening. Playing eill still be there. The first step is releasing the shame, is standing up. Keep up self affirmations, controll play time whenever possible, but do not force it. I am grateful for: - a high performance PC laptop so hat I can play on-line games soomthly - my parents keeping me informed on my future traveling plans; keeping me accountable for everything; even the naggings - Cam, Videogame Quiters, Intenta; they give me strength and a better way to express my fellings - the existence of the internet !! I am healing and becoming a better human being because I find so much valueable knowledge on the internet !
  6. I am happy that someone is sharing ideas. I think whether it is an enemy is not important here. The important thing is: We find what works, and your method can be different from mine. Actually, Po's reply got me thinking. The best way to understand all these conversations, is: I find something new that will help me to recreate my habits that ONLY WORKS FOR ME (once I am better, I will start helping others, but the 1st step is to heal myself). You can not help anyone if you are down in the dumps, because you have nothing positive to share, you have to gather whatever little postivie energy to keep yourself in one piece and figure out how to be better. I am just talking about what works for me. I think we all have to follow some other people's examples and take a stand on different opinions. I have seen people talking about fighting video games as the nemesis. If it works for them, I think that's great. It gives me the motovition to continue working on myself because someone else has done it, that means I can make it too ! ~
  7. date: 2021, Sep 22 I'm gratiful for: 1. The exsistence of gamequiters. It will help me finding a better life 2. My mom and dad. They have endured, with me on this journey of finding my emotional needs and fulfill them 3. My parents letting me staying in their house when I am low on money and struggling with videogames 4. being able to still having the ability to feel good after whatever that's happened Sleeping habit: getting up - 6:30 am going to bed - 11:00 pm , it has lasted for: 7 days Game time: on everage---- 1 hour(s) per day , current career status: freelance translator, little income Things I did to replace some game time for the same emotional needs: - vivsitng my dad's little farm yard with my mom and have a special meal together for a holiday celebration - talking to my mom about my gaming issue and the conection between addiction and childhood, with a respectful attitude that is different than the heated blame games before Random notes: I read a couple others' jounals. I think most of them talk about gaming as "an enemy" that need to be defeated, and they tend to completely stop gaming in a very short period of time. I do not know how long they have been having that habit. I do not believe in quick fixs. I think gaming is just one form of the million things you can do to fulfill emotional needs. Simply by forceful distraction will not solve it in the long run; I failed quiting so many times, because for me , I thought gaming is "an enemy", not my "kindness" to help me deal with lonelyness. I will work with it, not work against it. And I surrender to my needs for love. I need love. I can not do everything by myself. And I cry, a lot. I think I should stop pretending to be tough.