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About s_nitta

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  1. Yup, totally agree. I feel like I'm always jumping from one type of mindless media to another, because that's the type of activity we're used to, right? About my routine, I have been alternating between good and hopeful days, and days in which I feel frustrated and uncapable of dealing with my feelings in moments of difficulty. My default mode for moments of stress is exactly mindless media consumption, in an attempt to just run away from my feelings. Dealing with them heads on can be very painful and makes me feel like a child. I tend to relapse, unlock everything I'm addicted to and then block everything again a few minutes later. Sometimes I feel so lost that I just sleep, which is a lot more restorative than spending time online anyway. On the other hand, on positive days I have been reading a lot, exercising, watching TV shows and movies that I've always wanted to watch (even that is a progress for me), spending more time with my family and pets, taking more care of my personal hygiene, and being a lot more focused at work. I still don't really have a routine defined because internet addiction defined my whole life before, but I'm been trying a few things that I've always wanted to do and never actually did. I wish I could give you a better answer, but the reality is that I'm still finding myself amidst all of this. I feel like I'm having to rebuild my daily life in order to find who I am outside of the addiction.
  2. I've been having more success lately. I have been spending more time offline and really enjoying it. Sometimes it's hard because I don't know what to do with myself, as I used to spend all of my free time online, and these moments of boredom make it tempting to relapse. I've been reading a lot and exercising a lot more than before. I'm also more focused and productive while working. The things I do in my free time are still very passive, and I'd like to be more active, but I don't have that much energy overall, so I'm just trying to find myself without the internet. It's been hard but very rewarding. Most of the time I simply don't want to be online at all anymore.
  3. Difficult week. I felt really lost and demotived in some days, but, still, because I'm actively trying to get away from my addictions, this week has been more productive overall. I feel like running away from things, but sometimes I have a moment of clarity in which I feel capable of dealing with life and I feel much better when I'm actively dealing with things head on.
  4. I go through the same thing. If I spend some time away from games in general, they don't seem as interesting anymore even if I relapse. However, I find that if you keep pushing through this initial boredom (maybe because you're feeling lost without videogames in your life), I slowly start getting hooked on them again and the addictive behavior comes back in full force, so I realized it's better not to test too much this "resistance" that you get when you get away from them.
  5. Had a partial success. I was able to spend less time online than before, but by the middle of the week I had already downloaded everything on my phone again and wasted a lot of time. I find it really hard to do anything else when my addictions are so easy to reach, but it's so rewarding when I make a conscious effort to avoid them and do other things. Despite things not being perfect, I read more, watched movies, took care of my body, ate better, spent more time with my family, and focused more at work. Being so unproductive at work was really bothering me, and I'm finishing the week feeling better with myself for being able to improve on this point. On this weekend, I want to try being 100% offline. It will probably be a full weekend, so that should not be impossible. I bet it will be very rewarding if I go through with it.
  6. I am back. The second semester of last year has been busy and chaotic. I did not have much free time at all, and when I did, I was so tired that I could not do anything I enjoyed or that would help me make progress in my goals. I just wanted to rest. I hate the feeling of being productive all the time and I think having enough time to rest is vital, and not having it during a whole semester made me feel like a zombie. It was needed, and I am in a better position now because of the efforts I made, but I hope I don't have to go through such a busy period ever again. The more tired I got, the longer I would spend in news websites, social media and games. I was just trying not to think about my life and I felt like I couldn't stop myself from some self-destructive behaviours due to my lack of focus. Things have just recently changed, and I'm slowly going back to a more relaxed pace, but I still have a lot to improve. Today I spent the whole afternoon in social media. When I finally stopped, my body and my eyes ached because of how long I spent looking at a screen and in a bad posture. I spent a lot of time on Reddit and Instagram. I learned a few of things through them, but it's not worth spending so many hours every single day on them. I just read about things I want to do and take almost no action. The things I actually want to do, any actual hobby that I have, are just left to the side, and I end the days feeling like they have been wasted instead of beneficial in any way. I still have many of the same goals in mind, but my first objective right now is to regain my focus. I want to avoid social media, news websites and games for a while -- not sure for how long yet. For now, I will try to spend the next three days as offline as possible. I want to have actually enjoyable and relaxing days and progress on things that matter to me, instead of just spending so long being fed algorithms after algorithms.
  7. Not really. To me, it's the opposite. I find it overwhelming having to think of so many steps at once. Just reaching my goals is enough for now.
  8. Thank you so much! I tried posting here a while ago and for some reason I wasn't able to, but I'm glad to hear that it's been of help! 🙂 Have a nice day!
  9. The last two weeks have been difficult and messy, but now things will calm down. I've progressed a lot in my objectives overall, but I'm still using the browser a lot on my phone, mainly to read news, so I'll remove browsers from my cellphone for a month. I'm about to start my vacations and I want to spend as much time as possible offline. Let's see how this goes.
  10. Being stuck in the constant flux of easy dopamine offered by my addictions isn't happiness. Being comforted by my addictions isn't happiness. Running away isn't happiness. Being stagnant in a comforting but damaging situation isn't happiness. Working hard and harvesting the fruits of this hard work, on the other hand, might be.
  11. I didn't sleep very well today and I'm craving MMOs and carbs, just so I can run away from reality a bit. I'm trying to focus on my gratitude for all I'm achieving lately and it's helping, but I have to be careful not to give in on a whim. Being stuck at home for more than a year now really hasn't helped my mental health. Sometimes it gets really tiring and working towards my goals seems pointless.
  12. Things have been a bit weird, but progressing well. I got really busy and stressed out with college, and because of that I didn't have much focus at work, but I was able to progress in my current tasks regardless, apparently did so well that my managers praised me, finished my college assignments smoothly and helped a group member with their part yesterday, even though I avoid doing anything related to college or work during weekends. Taking the time to help them out made my group progress a lot better in our current assignment. I am also following the diet almost strictly, although I'm struggling a bit with sweeteners due to cravings, and I've finished reading a book. I'm also spending a lot of the little free time I have studying how to invest. The weird part is that, since I'm so busy, I don't really feel like I'm having much progress. It's just one responsibility after another, without much time to think, but this weekend I stopped to think about it and felt proud of my progress. My routine isn't perfect, but I'm being responsible and mature with my obligations, I think. It hasn't always been like that, so I don't take this for granted. I crave carbage and games on weekends, but haven't craved that strongly this weekend. It was bearable.
  13. I was so tired and stressed out yesterday and today that I ended up having a high carb-y dinner on both days. I started off the day well, but when I stopped working, around 8 or 9pm, I was so hungry that I ate whatever was in front of me. I need to think of a better strategy. Maybe go back to having a snack at 4pm. The problem is that I really don't feel hungry during lunch time and in the afternoon, so I end up never eating enough. In any case, I woke up with 85.5kg. Very rewarding to have this progress. I also read a bit of news, and immediately regretted it, because they were so awful that they immediately soured my mood. Lesson learned. It wasn't worth it. I was also tempted to download a MMO again. Many of my friends play this MMO, and I wanted to join then in this game's events, but then I thought about how, on top of the almost 12 hours a day working and studying in front of a computer everyday, I would also spend my free time there, in the same position, never able to leave my room, never doing any other activity. I saw some people on Discord playing 2, 3, 5, 9 hours of whatever they were playing, and then I saw that an acquaintance was streaming on Twitch and I stopped to watch it a bit... and, honestly, none of that is healthy in my situation. I just can't bring myself to spend time like that when I see the amount of progress I've been having lately. It's not that I stop doing my obligations when I start playing games or using social media, but rather that I constantly feel this weird anxiety that only online stuff and addictions cause, and, because of that, I start doing all my obligations poorly and almost completely neglect non-obligations. I remember a particular weekend in which I woke up late (when I much prefer waking up early) because I played until late the night before, then I proceeded to turn my computer on, thinking "just a little bit", and I played for around 6 hours in my pajamas before I stopped to even eat something, change clothes or wash my face. The entire 6 hours were uncomfortable because I couldn't stop thinking about at least stopping to take care of my personal hygiene, but that faded when the queue popped for a new raid. I know I will go back to this if I download the game again, so I won't do it. I will not sacrifice the well-being, focus and dedication I'm enjoying right now. I can't have both my addictions and the things I want to achieve at the same time in my life. Life is made of choices and I made mine, and I'm already reaping some fruits. Another point is that I wanted to sleep at 10pm, but this evening I stopped studying, had dinner, spent time talking to my family, and then it was already 10pm, when I hadn't even showered yet. But at least I did everything I needed with responsibility and dedication, and these long hours won't last forever. In the end, I think it's a good thing that I'm occupied for so many hours during the week at this time, because this makes it easier to keep the addictions at bay. I don't have to think about following my rules if I don't even have time to break them; but, also, I don't spend time trying to convince myself that "just a little bit" of whatever will actually be good for me. I want to keep progressing and keep on moving in this direction. I'm excited for it.
  14. Still feeling tired, and now I'm stressed out with the amount of things to do. I will work from 9am to 4pm, then study from 4pm to 9:15pm. There's lunch time and a few breaks here and there, but it's still almost 12 hours in front of a computer. I hate being this busy, but at least this term is almost over. I need to be diligent and do things with responsibility. This rhythm will be over in November, and I need to stay strong until then. I can do this. Despite the stress, I'm being more effective on my studies, since I'm not stopping to check my cellphone and news and "game just for a bit to relax" all the time. I feel like I'm absorbing better what I'm studying. There's room for improvement, but I'm celebrating my conquests anyway. I woke up weighing 85.7kg. That's a loss of 1.6kg since I started this out. Not being 86kg anymore is nice. Yesterday I ended up sleeping one hour late again, and this is bad for my health. So, new rule: I have to be in bed at 10pm, with lights turn off. Saturday is the only exception to this rule. Update 9:45pm: Awful day. I feel like giving up on everything. Sometimes I don't even know why I should fight for anything.
  15. Woke up feeling really tired. I suppose it's partly from the diet change. I lost 0.7kg overnight, which impressed me. I'm weighing 86.1kg now. Update at 2:08pm: I'm craving sweets, news websites, and social media. I'm focusing on the fact that time will pass and the cravings will subside with it. If I stay still for a few hours, that will be enough. I don't have to take any action. I just have to sit still. Update at 7:45pm: I'm feeling better now. I got really motivated with my studies and my investments and I'm feeling really confident. This also gave me strength to push through my carbs cravings. This week is being harder than average due to all the new habits I'm adopting, but it's also being more rewarding. I'm feeling more centered and getting a higher sense of self-respect.