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About s_nitta

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  1. Being stuck in the constant flux of easy dopamine offered by my addictions isn't happiness. Being comforted by my addictions isn't happiness. Running away isn't happiness. Being stagnant in a comforting but damaging situation isn't happiness. Working hard and harvesting the fruits of this hard work, on the other hand, might be.
  2. I didn't sleep very well today and I'm craving MMOs and carbs, just so I can run away from reality a bit. I'm trying to focus on my gratitude for all I'm achieving lately and it's helping, but I have to be careful not to give in on a whim. Being stuck at home for more than a year now really hasn't helped my mental health. Sometimes it gets really tiring and working towards my goals seems pointless.
  3. Things have been a bit weird, but progressing well. I got really busy and stressed out with college, and because of that I didn't have much focus at work, but I was able to progress in my current tasks regardless, apparently did so well that my managers praised me, finished my college assignments smoothly and helped a group member with their part yesterday, even though I avoid doing anything related to college or work during weekends. Taking the time to help them out made my group progress a lot better in our current assignment. I am also following the diet almost strictly, although I'm strugg
  4. I was so tired and stressed out yesterday and today that I ended up having a high carb-y dinner on both days. I started off the day well, but when I stopped working, around 8 or 9pm, I was so hungry that I ate whatever was in front of me. I need to think of a better strategy. Maybe go back to having a snack at 4pm. The problem is that I really don't feel hungry during lunch time and in the afternoon, so I end up never eating enough. In any case, I woke up with 85.5kg. Very rewarding to have this progress. I also read a bit of news, and immediately regretted it, because they were so awful
  5. Still feeling tired, and now I'm stressed out with the amount of things to do. I will work from 9am to 4pm, then study from 4pm to 9:15pm. There's lunch time and a few breaks here and there, but it's still almost 12 hours in front of a computer. I hate being this busy, but at least this term is almost over. I need to be diligent and do things with responsibility. This rhythm will be over in November, and I need to stay strong until then. I can do this. Despite the stress, I'm being more effective on my studies, since I'm not stopping to check my cellphone and news and "game just for a bit
  6. Woke up feeling really tired. I suppose it's partly from the diet change. I lost 0.7kg overnight, which impressed me. I'm weighing 86.1kg now. Update at 2:08pm: I'm craving sweets, news websites, and social media. I'm focusing on the fact that time will pass and the cravings will subside with it. If I stay still for a few hours, that will be enough. I don't have to take any action. I just have to sit still. Update at 7:45pm: I'm feeling better now. I got really motivated with my studies and my investments and I'm feeling really confident. This also gave me strength to push
  7. I'm feeling a bit low today. I slept less than I needed because I woke up early from an awful nightmare, but at least my work is progressing well. I'm grateful for keeping on following the rules I established. It's weird because I feel better with this new routine but I'm also craving sweets and news websites. I am being disciplined and keeping my focus on what really matters to me, in any case. Not sure where I read it, but I'm trading what I want right now for what I want most but takes more effort and time to reach. Update 10pm: I spent the evening frustrated for not being able to
  8. I stayed up until a bit late yesterday watching a movie. This might sound like nothing for a non-addicted person -- it's just a movie, not some important event --, but, actually, I am still proud and happy for having watched it. My addiction leaves me in a state of paralysis. Nothing except the addiction is actually done in my free time, not even fun activities. Most of the time, when I am not no-surfing, I just spend hours upon hours, days upon days laying in my bed, paralised, looking at my smartphone, cycling between news websites, social media, and games. Spending a whole weekend doing oth
  9. Third day of no-surf. I'm feeling a bit lost right now. My reflex is to simply access everything I want, which I know will mean spending the day playing mobile games or MMOs, checking the news or social media. Then, when I realize it, it'll be dark outside already and I'll feel frustrated and disappointed once again for having spent another weekend like this. So no, thank you. I want to try to make this more enjoyable. I'm feeling tired today, because yesterday I went to bed late. It was for a good reason, though: I talked to a friend for more than two hours on the phone, which was amazin
  10. I got sick this week. While I'll not blame myself for being lazy during this period, it was interesting to see how this meant giving in to addictive behaviours. My problem isn't gaming itself, but a compulsive internet use, which has gaming for longer than I consider healthy as one of its facets. I have been on this journey for around 12 years. Unfortunately, social media became popular when I was really young, in a period when I was heavily bullied and lacked friends. I found shelter online, and that gave way to a life-long addiction. It took me a long time to realize I was add
  11. Thank you for the kind words. I understand where you're coming from, but in reality, it isn't overwhelming, because my well-being improves a lot when I follow these things. It's weird how addiction makes us avoid things that makes us feel good, isn't it? Yes, I am excited! It fascinates me how quickly life seems calmer when I stay offline, but there's always this force compelling me to be online and play all the time. I'm trying to fight that.
  12. I'm not really sure if having a diary here will help me, but I want to try. It's late in the evening, so I'll be quick and go adding details later on. More than just games, I have a problem with the internet as a whole. If I'm able to balance the real life with my internet use, everything feels dreamy, hopeful, and calm. If I'm out of balance, everything else is: I spend 8, 9 hours a day on my smartphone. I play a lot of games. I check the news and social media compulsively. I have a bad diet and don't take care of myself. I sleep less than I should. Quitting is hard, but it's w