Pochatok

Glad to see you here again, too! And yes, BooksAndTrees' diary is incredibly powerful and reassuring in the best ways possible. Keeps me coming to GQ.

Day 212. I usually journal on Thursdays, but lat week was filled with uhh disturbances... Distractions I've noticed how difficult it is for me to stay away from video game news when they're out. Yesterday, a big update for one of the games I follow had released, and I busted through all my rules and restrictions and spent about 30 minutes on social media. Today was much better- I only started my "social media break" 45 minutes before schedule with some shitty reasoning. I think that I am forgetting that the purpose of these rules isn't for me to avoid gaming, but for me to stop desiring it. Currently, my desire increases throughout the day; I'll keep reminding myself of my long-term motives for these restrictions. Overall, though, I've been able to dramatically decrease my social media usage in just a single week. The challenge now is to not simply reduce, but not desire any social media. Insta and Facebook are easy to avoid because they are not tied to gaming or other interests of mine; they are only a way to interact with other people and learn. Other platforms are more difficult because they release more dopamine, faster, with lesser effort. I have to remember that what I want, ultimately, is to not be reliant on any quick dopamine "suppliers" that provide no other benefits. Everything in my life I want to be contributing to my ultimate goals in some way; if I cannot see that connection, and the activity brings complicated feelings (like most quick dopamine suppliers), I cease it. \ Efficiency Ahh, another entry on my biggest craving. Last week was albeit too relaxing, and it took me up until today to get bac into the rhythm. Not blaming my family visit at all, rather all the days afterwards- Monday I was simply feeling tired, Tuesday I got food poisoning and coulnd't work, and Wednesday was filled with some annoying cognitive loops that really got me down. Reminding myself that this is the first time this term I am having a setback rather than evolution in efficiency helps me see how priviliged I am to be where I am already; this is a large accomplishment, too. To work against this tendency, I'll have to slightly remodel my mindset when I visit home and relax; there were attempts to do that while I was visiting, but without planning in advance they weren't super efficient and I still ended up feeling "unproductive", gaining stress, and subsequently resorting to quick dopamine as a coping mechanism. A set of new systems I am introducing to myself this week: Goal Visioning to Efficiency: I do what requires my outmost immediate attention first Every day, there must be a time when I can sit down at least for 20 minutes and do something that directly contributes to my goals Once I've completed the step above, the completion of all other tasks (i.e. indirectly contributing to my goals) will be much more efficient If I fail to do tasks in this order, with step 2 being the step I must complete daily, I accumulate stress, which eventually causes me to stop doing the things that directly contribute to my goals, which in turn crashes the whole system. Why this works: I can do things that don't explicitly contribute to my goals well only when I have a strong vision and interest for my goals. Vision cannot be done simply in my head; I need to contribute to it on a daily basis so that I can be certain that my goals are both achievable and important to me. So, doing things that directly contribute to my goals every day allows me to retain passion for everything else. Likewise, I cannot stay at my highest productivity when I am not doing something that really matters to me. Work - Rest- Reflection Cycle: For a lot of my daily tasks, sustatining focus for more than 30 minutes without no breaks is very difficult. However, the way I take the breaks is extremely important. Taking breaks in a way that allows me to recenter rather than distract is key to getting my body and mind recentered, allowing me to notice how I am feeling rather than mask the pain and stress. Reflection right afterwards is even more important, as after recentering my body and mind I am most able to look critically at my work and identify potential weaknesses and challenges. Skipping this last step creates potential for mistakes and subsequent loss of time and effort spent in fixing them. Why this is important to me: when it comes to music and art, and complex academic work like research, I often fail to take breaks often enough to keep my efficiency up and end up working much slower or with higher amounts of stress than optimally. Likewise, I don't really have a habit for reflecting on my work either, and lately I've been noticing how many mistakes I am simply missing because I failed to consider them earlier in the process. I want to eliminate those mistakes, and optimize my work sessions to a higher degree. With my current workload, I simply am not meeting my own standarts, and it has been stressing me out quite a bit. This is all for now, I have to get to bed! Hope you find some of this interesting- I wonder if any of these ideas are original at all or there are people who have already crafted and optimized these working systems. Po

Good luck Patrick! It seems like you've been able to develop a lot of efficient strategies to keep yourself moving in the desired direction; that's really cool 🙂 Thanks for bringing up the concept of Adaptive Denial, I feel like that is something inherent to my behaviours but I've never heard of it until now. Super excited to look more into it! Po

Day 207. Only 6 months until a full year. Can I make it? More than likely- with my summer looking to be overfilled with internships and personal projects to be outmost prepared for life past graduation, I hope to have the time and space to continuously (inspire to) create the things I care about! Journaling This last week was extremely productive- my rearranged schedule has been an amazing way to fill in all those gaps in my day. Now I stay occupied with work 100% of my time, except for breaks for food, socialising, and bathroom. On Wednesday and Thursday, I was easily able to go without any social media up until 5pm and 8pm. Starting next week, I plan on eliminating social media entirely except for Wednesday and Friday evenings. My focus increased significantly, but I seem to be unable to really stretch myself into longer work sessions without taking a break every 20-25 minutes. I simply cannot sustain absolute focus for longer than that. I’m not sure what’s preventing me from that, but it’s a system I am satisfied with. Thanks to a few really sad relapses with some of my worse habits, I began journaling daily. I’ve lost the streak while taking a visiting family over the weekend, and immediately my productivity fell. I got behind on some of my academics, increased social media usage, etc. I totally should plan ahead for situations like this to prevent a loss of productivity. To be fair though, I have been doing much better overall while visiting. It’s a much needed break; I’ve been working nonstop for about 6 weeks. Things that made me happy: 1. Playing badminton- me and my partner faced some really tough opponents. After losing the official game, we kept playing until we began winning! My best game to date by far, I was able to learn so much in just one hour… 2. Better focus and a more productive schedule- I’ve been able to do much more of the stuff I am actually passionate about 3. My partner- we’ve had a very nice week. This weekend we’ve been able to more quality time together than usual, and I really missed that. Things that made me sad: 1. Not making progress all too fast, as always- some bad habits are making a comeback now and then, and it’s always frustrating to be letting them into my life. Someday they will walk away for good though. 2. The usual problem with feeling fairly okay about some things and then turning out to be little disasters… happening again, both academically and professionally. There are always so many things to work on, and it’s frustrating to see how much I tend to overlook. 3. I’m so nervous about coming back to school after this break. I have a ton of work to do and I am simply putting it off because I really want to spend a lot of time with my family and simply get much needed rest. Sunday and Monday will be really tough- two large projects, tons of reading, and a performance to get ready for… And, a couple job applications are on the nose too. that’s all for now! Back to doing family things 🙂 wish y’all a warm 3rd week of February.

Hey! Thank you for sharing, I found his video interesting 🙂 I am not in a place where I can mimic Lex’ schedule in any way- 4 hour work sessions are simply impossible (and honestly I would find that to be counterproductive). His ability to focus is impressive! I hope to get to that point soon… More on that in the journal entry heh. I’ve been checking out quite a few of your suggested videos in other threads, they’re all quite fun- again, thanks for sharing! Po

Hi! I think it depends a lot on how you frame this question. Why do you want to know this- do you think that people who game are unsuccessful or that in order to be successful video games need to be a part of your life? What is "success" in your definition- money, happinness, fame, etc.? In my opinion, success and video games are extremely loosely corellated. Current definitions of success are really problematic- measuring it with just wealth/happiness/etc is often not enough, but to measure it using more than one variable is often difficult. At the same time, gaming comes in so many different shapes and sizes that's it's hard to categorize everyone who plays games into a single group. My sister plays games- once a month or so; my brother plays games- every day; I play games- once a year. If you were to narrow your question more, you could get a more interesting and precise answer... For example, "How many college students with a GPA of 3.5 or above play video games more than 2 hours a day?" Hope this helps! Po

Day 198. Woah, almost 200! I guess that's cool 🙂 Journaling The last few days have been very productive. I've reframed my entire schedule, and it looks very scary... The image below isn't the whole thing, even However, this new schedule has definitely lessened my anxiety when it comes to feeling like I am falling behind or do not know what to do; I find it much more fitting for my own lifestyle, and it is much more sustainable and flexible as a system on its own. Funny enough, this weekend I will be holding a workshop on this organizational system! Hopefully it will not look to dreadful for my attendants. I've been also taking better care of my mental health (as it took a big nosedive last week). Journaling physically every day and tracking my negative self-talk and difficult emotion has been incredibly helpful- I'm reducing a lot of bad thinking patterns, and very quickly. Gaming I've been having more significant urges lately, as I'm looking at certain video games in terms of a unique artistic experience rather than entertainment form. This way, they're far more appealing- I love experiencing and analysing art, and there is a lot of nostalgia tinkling, too, as it has been so long since I've played certain games... Revisiting them would feel "fresh" in some ways. Yet, I should continue to remember that I absolutely don't need to play games to get those experiences; watching gameplay, listening to the games' soundracks, or just reading about them is enough. A couple days ago I spent my lunch time listening to and watching the ambient environments of my favorite games; there are whole playlists on Youtube dedicated to that, apparently 🙂 Other things from life Though I'm feeling very positively right now, I must acknowledge that I was just experiencing a strong mood swing that has slowed my day considerably and made me feel exhausted. Anyways... Positive things from this week: Intramurals have begun! Volleyball and Badminton are super fun to play, I feel like I'm learning and feeling so many good things. I've been able to dive deep into dopamine control strategies, and so far they have been very effective. I haven't watched any TV for over a week now. Academically, I'm still thriving. Though I am not meeting my own expectations fully, relative to my peers, I'm in a very stable position. I've been improving drastically at my drawing and animating skills! Over the weekend, I hope to create a full short animation (3-5 seconds). Struggles from this week: Dopamine control strategies are effective, but some more deeply conditioned habits are difficult to address- I still go on social media for no reason from time to time; uninstalling Instagram helped, but I can do better! Mental health is having ups and downs; my mood swings are much lesser in magnitude, but still happen frequently. I hope to keep getting better! There is a lot of unknows about my future that are causing me anxiety; I feel like there are things I should be in control of, but am not. There is also some saddness coming from not being able to do everything I want to. With how productive I've become, falling asleep and having meaningful interactions with my partner has become more difficult... I simply cannot stop thinking about all the exciting projects I want to undertake. Very frustrating lol That's all for this week, see you Sunday! Po

Day 194. Didn't realize it has been so long. I really need to journal more often- my addiction to pornography is having a comeback, sort of, and I can clearly see that it could have been avoided had I dedicated more time to self-reflection on a daily basis instead of when I am at my worst. Addictions I think that there are a few poor coping mechanisms that I've designed for quitting pornography, similar to when I was attempting to quit gaming a few years ago. I must acknowledge that overall I'm doing so much better; I've gone so far in just a year, and I'm very proud of the progress I've made. However, it is a bit sad that this has proven to be a much more difficult road than quitting gaming; all that took was one strong commitment (plus consistency, which I am lacking to be honest). I have noticed a few patterns: I'm experiencing high stress -> relapse I'm experiencing social anxiety -> relapse My sexual life is having some changes -> relapse What do I do with these patterns? Develop different coping mechanisms. Honestly, at this point I have done this activity so many times that I know exactly what I should do differently. The issue is, I am not doing it... Or at least, not consistently. A couple weeks ago I was doing great, and now I've fallen back. I think that if I force myself to rest properly every day on top of any and all of my other activities, it will become a habit. I just have to make sure that I sit down and do it every time. One way I've been able to do that is to continue to find meaning in these activities- as soon as they lose importance to me, I lose the habit. I have to integrate them so deeply into my values that they will become essential to my existance. Ok, then... Why is journaling so important I am a very unstable individual. Though I am sure to be neurotypical, frequent mood swings are a part of my daily life. Usually, the worse my mental health gets, the more frequent the swings. This week, I've been experiencing a few swings every day. Very difficult to deal with to be honest... Additionally, I have a tendency to doubt myself and change directions easily. I'm very easy to reconvince when it comes to beliefs about myself. Though this helps me keep a very open mind to new experiences, it is also extremely unsafe. It has prompted many poor decisions and hazardous behaviors, and continues to be so until this day. I've used to think that what I need is discipline. But really, discipline doesn't give me more confidence in myself, it only enchances my ability to carry out behaviours under any pressure. Disciplining myself to believe that I am righteous in my self-perception of myself is much more complicated, and cannot be done by taking ice showers or completing challenging workouts. Journaling is a great way to reaffirm my current, previous, and future decisions. It is the tool that let's me create a stable set of beliefs as it lets me be aware of their fluctuations (and how that's problematic). By gaining an understanding of the instability of my core beliefs, I hope to be able to discover how to reclaim their stability. I don't know how effective this actually is, but journaling consistently is something I wanted to do for a long time to address my addiction with pornography and haven't done so far. After all, doing that is exactly what helped me quit gaming. Other stuff I'm doing extremely well academically and personally. I'm leading my instrument section in the ensemble, consistently practicing and learning art (finally, after so many months of dreaming about that), and continuing to make more connections and take time to take care of the existing relationships. I'll be playing my first Volleyball game of January tomorrow, and I'm incredibly excited about that. Life is good, overall. When I look at where I was 1 or 2 or 5 years ago, the progress is so obvious. I'm a bit happier, just a bit 🙂 That's all for now, next entry- on Thursday! Po

Day 187. I think I'll stop counting these for some time as there is no way I'd ever relapse during the school time. It's just too much time. So, next time I'll resume this counter, I will be over 230 days without gaming... or so I think 🤔 Journaling Purpose I spent about 25 minutes watching a short video while and after an online class and felt very guilty. The feelings are annoying and I have to take the time to process them before moving on. Though I already have done that in my head and am feeling totally fine now, it's valuable to put this down on uhh paper and share with y'all: Why did this bad habit become desirable: the class was going very off track, and though I've missed about 10 or so minutes of valuable information, quite a bit of it was very dissapointing and I wanted to get rid of my frustration and boredom. I couldn't leave class, but I also didn't want to be paying attention to it. What was the bad habit: I've watched a very entertaining youtube video. I watched it at 2x speed, so it was about 25-30 minutes of time. Benefits of the habit: numb my frustration, but also educate me on engaging character design, story pacing, combat/conflict design, and general artistic skills. There is a lot to reference and learn from; I might revisit that video. Why I was unable to stop the habit sooner/continued to repeat it: I did not go far enough to distance myself from the habit- I kept the tab open, and only shut off my PC's screen. Had I closed the tab and/or put the pc to sleep, I would likely only spend 5-10 minutes on this activity. How I wish to proceed next time: whenever in a class, always have secondary devices off and away. If urges arise, take 1-2 minutes to journal on how whatever I am doing is valuable and calls for all of my focus, and why it's important to avoid double tasking. This should be enough. How this was a valuable learning experience: So far in my college experience, I haven't had to deal with bad education. Now I know what challenges it can bring, and how to address them. Negative experiences trigger a lot of stress, and it's important to acknowledge that and allow that stress to channel into something else. This is a template I will use in the future for any serious bad habits. On that topic... Habit building update: Don't remember where here I saw the "dopamine detox" video, might have been @Nico Indigo, but it had proven to be super helpful. I've managed to complete two weekdays without any usual quick satisfactory activities, and it really improved my passion for other things and helped me not turn away from challenging projects. However, there is more work to do. My ability to focus is inconsistent, and so is my motivation and passion for things. I will continue to improve my ability to focus through taking smaller breaks more often and rise up my motivation through additional goal building (which I am scheduled to begin tomorrow hehe). Life update: I've been being busy as usual, picking up cool projects, developing my hobbies into career opportunities, and trying to enjoy the world around me and not be too critical about myself. Something new to this month is... networking! This is a very new thing for me to do, but it's so awesome to be finally learning to develop this, and I am 100% sure I am scratching the very tip of the iceberg. Already, good networking has brought me tons of opportunities and I cannot wait to network again in the coming week- I've gotten two new connections, and should be hearing back from the companies I've reached out to for internships... Exciting! I usually journal a bit more than this, but quite a bit of my journal is going physical. I will continue to post here at least once a week, but only the stuff that I feel can be directly helpful to others; things I can keep to myself, I will keep to myself. Good luck with the coming week! Po

Awhhh thank you! I really appreciate the fact that you take the time to read them 🙂 I do think that cooking is super important to me, it has intense therapeutic effects and I feel amazing every time I attempt to cook something, even if poorly. Ooo, I've only ever done the simple marinated eggs that are served with ramen, thanks for the recipe! My partner's mom cooks at a Thai Restaraunt, so we try to mimic her recipies most of the time haha. Yes, shaking!

Ehh, I think that it is extremely difficult to ever fully let go of something that one truly feels passionate about for whatever reason unless one fundamentally changes as a person. There has been a lot of change with how I view video games, but I still find them really awesome and interesting, even if I don't want to necessarily play them. But I'm cool with it- overcontrolling my emotions (I think that urge for something is an emotion?) is not good for mental health.

Hehe, glad you're on a streak of awesomeness! I'm planning to "move in" with my partner next year (as in, live in a college dorm together haha), very excited for that too. As for animation, I've been taking online classes and learning much more about it.... I don't know how experienced you are with it, but I think that this website might be of interest to you... https://www.projectcity.tv/classes

Have you used the password systems at all? I don't have the full version of the app, but copypasting a few of my blocks and creating different password types for each really helps (i.e: "Distractions"- Time Period Password, "Copy of Distractions"- Random Character Password). It's been extremely helpful in lessening my social media usage.

Day 180! I've passed my previous streak, hurray! Doesn't even feel like a major milestone at this point, because of how easy it is getting. I think that I will continue to have urges in the foreseable future though, as there is an array of things "lacking" in my life- connections, feeling of success and fullfillment (though I feel like my life is very purposeful), and the occasional mental health struggles. Some nice recap: I do believe that a lot has changed for the better since the last time I've hit this number (it was late July, I believe). I've become more confident socially- I might not fully agree with this statement, but I know it's true. Talking to people has become much easier, so much. My relationships with family and my partner are stronger and healthier. It feels good to have gotten a lot of unnecessary negativity out of them. There is more purpose to everything I do (though motivation is still an issue, but I'll try to continue working on that). I feel much happier about my classes, jobs, and hobbies. Procrastination has gone down significantly. I still get upset at myself for wasting time, and quite often, but the quantitative decrease is there- rather than spending 10-20 minutes on social media, it's 2-4. Rather than aimlessly looking through internet for half an hour, it's less than ten minutes. My metacognition has grown. I am spending more time doing things I find important and don't feel "bad" for doing them because I better understand how they align with my dreams, goals, and values. Still a lot of growth in this area, but it feels a bit more in-balance. I am better at cooking, yay! Me and my partner have made some delicious soups over the holiday seasons 🙂 This is partially reassuring, but more so it reminds me of where I still need to improve- there are so many areas in which I am afraid to explore or improve upon... I think that this month I want to spend some time figuring out where that fear stems from. Other things from more recent times: Nothing significant has been going on. It's still amazing though, how easily I am affected by anything negative in my life. Even the slightest bit of failure gets down on me, though I can now see how ridiculous this kind of thinking pattern is. It's been a very busy, but very rewarding week. I've put in a lot of work into securing a better future, and I hope that this effort will pay off. I also think that I should carve out a bit of time for journaling here in my weekly schedule. I'll do that now? Po

Awhhh thank you! I'm not too hard on myself in general, but here I try to be a bit more critical 🐝 And same, keeping a personal journal is also helpful, but for curing bad habits and thinking patterns, writing here is so much more helpful in my experience! Congrats on 60 days, that's a huge milestone! To 90 days and beyoooond 🙂

Day 171. I keep starting a journal and then never submit it- sorry for such a long pause. Back to school Something I am happy with: keeping up the necessary amount of work to shine academically has been rather easy. I forget how easy most of the classes are for me now that I've improved my study habits. Something that is frustrating is the amount of time I spend doing leisure activities every day- more on this below... Hobbies Lobbying It has been so enjoyable to be able to dedicate time to hobbies I feel truly passionate about, like board games, video game music/art, and building model kits. However, it has completely stirred out of control. Every day I spent 30-60 minutes looking up new model kits to purchase in the distant future, 20-30 minutes on board game playthroughs, and the video game dev things add it all up to nearly two hours. That's far too much leisure for me, given that I spend about 3 hours a day relaxing with my partner during lunch and dinner hours. This lack of control on my hobby time management has led me to missing out on some important larger tasks like preparing internship applications, improving relationships, and getting non-academic work done. It is quite frustrating that I'm getting so close to a few important deadlines with so little progress; next week will be more challenging because of the mistakes I've failed to avoid over the last few days. Not to be getting too negative, though- all in all, I've managed to achieve a lot of good things and continue to do the necessary minimum that will keep me afloat no matter what. I have already heavily policed my hobbies this week via application and website blocks, and it has been helping. Something I could have done sooner is this- the process of self-reflection and journaling. No matter how satisying hobbies are, I need to remember that the slightly less fun, more tedious and responsible but nontheless important projects is what betters my future, and the future of the people I care about. I am extremely priviliged to even have hobbies in the first place, and many people in my family do not have this luxury. I must balance my priorities and personal interests better in order to carry out the larger goals and aspirations I have. Let's continue with this mindset (probably a bit more positive than this haha). Mental Health The only thing that has been so visibly affecting my mood is the issues with time management. I do feel like that is simply an underscore to something bigger that I am simply not noticing at the moment, but it is hard to tell yet. I hope that this "adjusting" week is the only one in which my productivity and passion is fueled so much by guilt, frustration, and regret. After all, I just want to be happy, now and in the future, and this ain't getting me anywhere. A few additional Bad Habits that have been surfacing lately: Picking my hair/face. It always gets in the way when I am on my own for extended periods of time. I am doing better than usual, but it's still here grrrr Imbalanced diet. Something I felt really happy at home about was my improved sense of appetite- I didn't snack and ate full meals when I felt hungry. I have pretty much reverted to snacking and smaller main meals this week. I am, again, improving here too, but it's frustrating to be taking steps backwards -_- Social anxieties. Public speaking, multiple social interactions, and other things are driving me a bit nuts again. I will adjust soon, but I hate feeling so nervous every time the possibility of having a conversation with someone crosses my mind. A few Good Habits I've worked on this week: Focus! My practice sessions and study time in classes is much better than before. Today, I was able to hold myself away from using social media and was super engaged during the class discussions. Not comparing myself to others to feel better. Something I just noticed now- I'm extremely critical of myself because I am only comparing myself to myself, and not looking at any other individuals and their ways of doing things. The few times I've felt like I am "not enough", I was able to get myself into a more positive and progress-promoting mindset fairly quickly. Balancing Rest and Work. Though this is were the time-consuming hobbies make me angry, I'm much better at taking breaks and actually "resting" rather than just opening up Youtube and extending my stress. This is all for now. I will write more often- it makes such a huge difference. Self-reflection is so important. Po

Haha, I understand! I think that both approaches are very helpful depending on your situation. I do need to shift to that sour grapes mindset from time to time too 😆

Ohhh, this is so awesome to hear, glad you were able to stay so consistent throughout holidays. I feel like having someone else to support you through a difficult journey, or perhaps simply go along with you is always so helpful 🙂

TL;DR: Pretty much no activity is truly a "waste of time", they can offer something valuable if approached from the right direction/with the right mindset. I am wondering if it would be helpful for you- as it was for me- to reframe from thinking of gaming as a "waste of time" to something that simply does not fit into your future goals/plans/self. This isn't a thinking path I've seen anywhere really, but it has helped me get a better relationship with gaming (which has not increased my urges to play at all but has allowed me to view gaming as not something completly useless/evil) and a number of other activities. I used to think that gaming, watching TV, taking care of my hair, and a bunch of other activities were a "waste of time" because they did not fit my lifestyle for whatever reason. But, all of those activities we despise for whatever reason do have a purpose in someone else's life. Numerous video game developers I've read about choose these careers for very beautiful reasons.Even for myself, gaming used to be something genuinely positive and useful (I've gained a strong love for art through video games, for example). But, it is no longer valuable to me. The question is then, how do I redefine what purpose video games can have in my life? What helps me stay away from activities that are undersirable, then, is simply asking "does this activity align with who I want myself to be in the future?", or "is this activity helping me achieve my goals?". For gaming, the answer is no- one of my dreams is to work as a video game composer/artist, but playing games isn't the best way to achieve that dream. Instead, I listen to video game soundtracks, watch gameplay videos from time to time, and listen to a lot of interviews/podcasts with real video game artists and/or composers. This way, I get to both have a healthy relationship with video games, stay away from playing video games, and get closer towards achieving my dreams! Hope this is good food for thought, and thank you for reading this! Have a good few first days of 2022 🙂

Wow, that's a huge milestone, congrats! What will be happening next?

I'd say so! I think that keeping my physical state in mind when working on something helps me take faster notice of tiredness and focus loss. Good posture in general helps me work faster and more efficiently, and improves my focus. I think I should mention that by "good posture", I actually mean practicing Alexander Technique (I find those pretty similar tho). You can literally google "benefits of Alexander Technique" to see more of what it offers. I don't think that there is much scientific data to back up the "benefits", but I do think that it overall offers good stuff to people who use it!

Day 160. Ohh, been awhile! I regret not journaling during this time. Gaming I have been aimlessly watching gaming-related videos lately for about 10-20 minutes a day. A bit annoying, since I am not really experiencing urges to play but have the tendency to connect myself to video games this way. My sister has also been playing games a bit recently, and that has giving me more "reasons" to play too. I don't think I will relapse though, there is just so many other things to do at the moment! I might be at higher risk around Jan 1st, but until then I am just crazy busy. Discipline There's been a bit more distraction with TV shows and Youtube than usual. The last two or three days, I've doubled my time spent on those activities. Though I have been very consistent with some of my tasks like doing my bed daily, making art, daily, and just having a strong, enjoyable routine overall, it's not very stable. Some thoughts on this: I am experiencing less positive feelings when doing my favorite things like painting, exercising, and music. This has been likely due to me adding more challenge and, unintentionally, stress to some of these activities. I've been getting less sleep lately. This causes me to be more relaxed and laid back. The TV shows and other media has been simply becoming more fun to watch. It's more immersive and consuming. There's been more "idleness" in my life in general. I lose track of time while surfing media more easily, and get into the process of surfing media more easily. Some solutions: I simply need to persist and seek more inspiration/goals for my activities. This has been very helpful in the past, and I believe that it will help me now too. Sleep more, duh. No screentime 30 minutes before I go to bed! Put time limits on screentime- I need to simply layer up the restricting apps I use again, rather than just using one of them at a time. Practice mindfullness and being more present in the moment. Meditation and stillness in general are quite helpful. Mental Health Pretty good overall. I do think that I am having pretty difficult days from time to time, but I am able to stay afloat 100% of the time. There is a minimul degree of productivity that I am able to uphold every day despite my mood, and I'm very happy with that. I do hope to begin working on my mental health more intentively and efficiently soon though. Things to continue doing: Have a good, active posture. It helps me avoid idleness and stay very productive. Practice art/movement every day. I have noticed a good amount of improvement in my skills and approaches, and that makes me pretty happy. Consistency is key to building better habits. Things to avoid repeating: Keep restricting my social media usage. I need to uphold a certain threshhold of screentime at all times, even when I can allow myself a bit more than usual. I really can't control it effeciently on my own, sadly. Prevent repetition of mistakes by being mindful of how they originate and avoiding those situations from recurring. I often just brush off the mistake and rely on my willpower; that's never enough lol Being inconsistent with my habit building. It is pretty much impossible to quickly build up a habit without being consistent with it for a certain period of time. Hm, I think this is good! Happy holidays everyone, I will visit this place again after the year ends heh. Po

Good luck with these two, I think I had a very similar tasklist a couple months ago haha. It was difficult to achieve that last task- prioritizing new things/responsibilities is just not very fun at first and seems like a lot of work. Idk if that's true for you, but in case it is, I'd recommend skipping to the specifics on your tasklist- instead of saying that you will be prioritizing the list, focus on how you're going to be prioritizing. Cheers, hope you enjoy Christmas!

I'm sorry you've been feeling bored! Hope that the 3-day weekend will help you recover from the bad habits you've been experiencing!

Day 152! It's time I journal a bit more here, again. gaming stuff Urges minimal but there- normal when I am not feeling well. Video games seem to be promising some excitement and full relaxation, but I know too well what the cost of those things is, and don't want to give into that. Games eat up too much of my time and give too little back. I can live a happy, fun, relaxing day without gaming; maybe not now, but soon I will feel better! Building discipline I had a peak of Netflix/Youtube binging a couple days ago, and have since been continuosly lowering my usage. Just finished blocking netflix on all my devices; this block is only lasting until tomorrow, but it will help me be in control of my watch time. Other than that, I feel like I have been able to push myself to be more caring, strong, and efficient. It is still difficult with the "I'm on break" mindset, but I will be coming back to campus soon, so it's time I get back in shape! Mental health Not feeling too great- a lot of things about my partner's life are making me sad (not them, but the situations they get into), and it's frustrating that I cannot change anything at the moment, though long-term change is possible. My family is also getting on my nerves from time to time- there are really nice moments, but they are few, and during most of the day I am constantly looking for reasons to not like being here. I don't think it's my family's fault entirely, there is some inherent bias, too. I am too harsch. I hope to work with my counsellor on this next term as I do want to be kinder to and happier around my family. Good stuff: I've been continuosly learning something new every day. Feels great to be expanding my horizons so much! Just payed $120 for an online Art Class, very excited for it! So many new people are on my radar! I've been reading about and meeting so many of my aspirations, it's unbelievable. Turns out, people are easy to contact if I do it right. I hope that this will aid my career in the future heh Career exploration has been going steady- I've been refining and adding post-graduation goals every day, and feel much more ready and excited for life after University. Still so many questions, but I know I'll answer them! Bad stuff: Distractions do be getting into my head; hope to put an end to it now! I've been working on an art project for nearly three full weeks now, and though I'm working very hard and very consistently it feels endless. I know that I just need to keep at it, but it's frustrating. There is a bunch of daily habits I wanted to develop over break but my schedule doesn't allow for such consistence, sadly. I am making an effort to do those regularly, fortunately. All for now, thank you all who read this journal, I appreciate you so much! Po