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nethernox

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  1. Honestly, idk what to say. This is really difficult to write as I'm perpetually in a depressive pain fog. I feel like I don't relate to a lot of the sharing here about playing 10+hrs bc I've never had the energy for that. I'm trying to quit gaming bc I feel that years of over-usage of the mouse/poor ergonomics? has severely fucked up my shoulder that I'm contemplating whether it's best to just quit using the PC for good. Not sure if anyone else suffers from severe physical chronic pain here, or how to break out of it. I struggle to relate to a lot of what Cam is saying because of this crippling physical pain. I played most of the games y'all have, I used to enjoy old-school RPGs (grew up on Fallout 1/2) but now I feel like I don't even have the capacity to do that, or to enjoy anything. I'm just miserable and in pain all the time. I do still play games on mobile though, though I don't even feel like I have much energy for that too. I play Horus Heresy: Legions casually, but it's a constant struggle to "play for enjoyment/not caring about winning or losing" (which I think I do mostly), vs "chasing the meta". I have been going to the gym pretty religiously for 2-3 years now, but I still game on my down-time. I want to get reading done, but I can't, I just don't feel like I have any focus after spending it all in the gym. I have been trying to walk more, not sure how much it's helping as I live in a city-state (SG) where it's difficult to get in-tune with nature. This is another factor in being introverted and sinking into gaming. I quit Humble Bundle recently, but Planet Zoo (Zoo Tycoon anyone?) released and I relapsed(?). After trying it out I just felt like I was hurting my thumb/wrist/shoulder more (bc that game is clunkily designed as hell), I just had a "I'm done" moment. I've considered migrating to mouseless/consoles bc of this pain, but I haven't even committed to that (lol). I'm tired of seeking distractions. Porn is another issue but idk how to untangle that (bc Christian repression). I don't want to rely on these things to escape pain. I want to be better, someone who reads more and meditates more, and isn't crippled by pain and eco-anxiety about everything wrong in this world. Hell, I'd settle for getting my room under control.