Stream-of-Consciousness post:
I don't know what support I'm looking for exactly, just wondering if anyone can relate to my experience (as I perceive it) - I've had lifelong sleep apnea, anxiety/depression to accompany it (since I'm basically a sleep-deprived zombie).
Gaming since young with not much regulation, so that's definitely not helped things, because I was also not able to study anyway (due to drowsiness from the sleep apnea, the hyper-stimulation of games). I've fucked up my eyes/shoulder bc of lack of even the awareness of proper ergonomics, that I don't know if quitting PC use for a while is what's needed.
I'm pretty sure deleting Epic/Steam is the right move for me, but I'm struggling with the "urge to distraction", whether that is social media, anime, reading LNs... so I'm wondering if the solution is full tech cold turkey.
Idk what to do to get my brain to "baseline", since it's starting to feel like there never was a baseline before. Not sure how to get back since it feels like I've ruined my life/body.
I have been centering my life around gym for 4-5yrs now, and ppl are complimenting me on physical gains, really trying to internalise that, but frustrated since it seems like other ppl experience that "boost" much more apparently?
Mentally, I still feel like I'm doing poorly (struggling with daily maintenance tasks, cleaning my room, general malaise). Still feel like a disassociated zombie inside, struggling to find activities that "bring joy"? like maybe listening to lo-fi helps. Idk if this is major depression or burnout or chronic fatigue. Medication seems to have made things a lot worse too.
It's really tangled up. I'm hoping things improve once I can definitively say for sure that the sleep apnea issue is "resolved", but I don't even have a lot of trust in the medical side of things. Hard not to feel bitter about circumstances that went undiagnosed my entire life, and not knowing if I'm pushing myself into worse fatigue even as I try to "live healthier"... so the temptation to slide back into games and let go seems to always be there.