Pochatok

I absolutely relate- this is how I initially got out of gaming. I knew there were things that I felt passionate about, but my "want" to procrastinate would be far larger than "want" for anything else, so I had to change it to a "must". After my detox, however, I was able to strengthen my "want" for being productive and doing things I love, and I was eventually able to completely rid of the "must" mindset, though it took me over a year. Hope that you can continue to get more motivation as you continue the detox- have you thought of doing a more throurough dopamine detox, not just games?

Your productivity measuring system is super awesome, thank you for sharing this 🙂 Hope that you can continue to stay productive and get more inspired and motivated to enjoy your efforts and work!

Yes- it all fits into the same box for me in terms of how it affects my thoughts, concentration, and feelings/emotions. I quit reddit and twitter first, then netflix and instagram, and now I've quit essentially everything else that produces similar effects- gamedev diaries, podcasts, etc. . It's not that I am avoiding media usage completely, but I do it very occasionally and intentionally rather than passively/habitually. This seems to be the best model for me at the moment. Hope this helps!

Day 248. What, it's been nearly two weeks?! Well, let me tell you... Recap of the week: Last week: I think that both still stand true, despite the fact that I've not been nearly as "busy" (as in, having my schedule filled). I think that looking at my phone is no longer rewarding when a direct need isn't met. Just checking Insta for the sake of doomscrolling isn't fun, neither is looking through Youtube's suggestion page for a couple minutes. There's been days where I'd not use any socials at all, but not all- some triggers like long trips and severe, urgent stress remain. Overall, this week gas been extremely good, but also growingly pessimistic about the future. Staying at home has been both enjoyable and very busy- I get to be around my family, which is super nice, but there's so many household responsibilities I take on (cuz I want to and because I feel like I need to to keep the house sane and quiet). My family is not in the best shape- we're Russian and have a lot of friends and friends of friends that are heavily affected by the war. While we do have the privilege of not getting targeted by bombs or losing access to medications and information due to , the emotional and cognitive toll has been great for my parents, especially in the first couple of weeks during the war. I have lined up a mentorship with some industry professionals working in sound design for video games, but it's not going to be in person or take up a lot of my time... I have to get more! I applied for a gaming summer camp (only a week long too, though), and am continuing to bother smaller companies for opportunities. During a meeting with a career advisor, I realized that my current goals have been pretty insufficient; I need to be more networking-oriented. The focus should be on the people, not on what they can offer. My next round of outreach, starting Monday, I will structure around this core goal of simply making friends in the insustry first. My summer is looking to be rather uneventful so far, and that's bothering me a lot. However, if I continue to pour in more work and thought into preparations, I should come out just fine. I also have to remember to not work for anyone who isn't valuing my time and efforts. Gaming Nothing different this week- no urges to play, though I might end up actually playing some as I'm learning more sound design. My relationship with video games and other simply-pleasuring activities has been altered so significantly that I'm not worried about this, however. In case I do end up playing, I will make sure to end the counter 😞 Concentration Completely true to this week as well. Being at home is an extremely noisy, busy environment. Setting 30-minute goals is difficult because time moves by so fast (though it is entirely possible and I should do this in the next few days), and high amounts of concentration simply require a bit too much time (though if I were to put a bit more effort, it would be possible too). I am continuing to grow even more determined to be doing my best, and the little work I get done is focused. I'm not feeling too bad about having decreased performance here because I am on break, but starting tomorrow I will have to get much more focused. The break is about to end. Relationships Well, this has only gotten worse since it's Spring Break and we've spent the last week a couple hundred miles away from each other. But, I've been spending a lot of time with family members, and that's great. One of my biggest goals right now is to spend good time with family, and I'm meeting it 🙂 Passion Still am not using reference, but have been doing much more work! I don't think that not using reference was the main issue, but having something to be inspired by and/or learn from is very important- I'm continuing to read interviews and occasionally watch fun animations. I'm not relying on inspiration to feel motivated to do work, but it is helping me define my goals more clearly. That's all for this week- I hope to get more focused and productive in the coming days. Let's see how well I can get there! Po

Totally relate to this- I used to also play the perfectionist, always taking the hardest way possible to complete a task ("cuz the easy path is for losers"). Instead of optimizing my workflow and getting projects done quicker, I would take the route that would give me the most exhaustion and require the most amount of time/effort. I had to unpack a lot of bad teenage experiences with internal unrealistic expectations and consequential failure/dissapointment and learn to structure my goals much more precisely to get over it. But, I still end up putting far too much effort and time into things sometimes, though now I don't feel as stressed out about it afterwards?.. Kind of, I guess- last time was a couple weeks ago, when I pulled off three amazingly done projects (when I really didn't need to) and got shingles right after because my immune system was pretty wrecked after an extremely stressful week. Good luck with this! Was (and is) a long, difficult journey for me, but I'm definitely in a better place now- fingers crossed for you!

To me, introducing a must came from building much more concrete goals, dreams, and aspirations, and realizing that I will be unable to achieve them while gaming. Even now, more than a year after I quit, I continue to build more specific and concrete goals, ensuring that nearly everything I do in life feeds directly into who I aspire to be. With this pattern, after I quit gaming, I began quitting porn; after I quit pornography, I've quit social media, Youtube, and Netflix. Even now, I continue to redefine my goals and dreams every day, and that keeps pushing me to want to do more and more with my time. However, I think that introducing a "must" has to come from a "want". You say, "do it when you MUST", as in when there is an obligation. That was exactly the reason I went to the gym a couple years ago- I would feel so anxious about not "looking good", that I felt that I had to go to the gym or my social confidence would shatter (which is all bs, btw- modern beauty standards suck, everyone's is beautiful the way they are 💝). I still go to the gym, and I've actually gotten significantly stronger, but not because I made the workouts necessary, but because I've found ways to genuinely enjoy them. To me, this is the ideal way of reducing any unwanted habit like gaming- instead of only forcing yourself to quit, try to enchance other activities along the way, so that they become more enjoyable than gaming and end up replacing it naturally. Right now, I get the same pleasure from reading that I used to get from gaming. I've let reading become just as thrilling and rewarding, while simultasionesly reducing the amount of time I spent playing video games every day. This is toxic and sexist, imo. You can be feminine (and/or a woman) and be just as willing to sacrifice, take risks, go on adventures, etc. .

Day 237. It's been a super fascinating week! re-structuring the format: I want to make this a bit less chaotic and more continuos, so that journaling here serves a specific purpose to both me and the GQ community. First, here are the sections I want to have for each week: Recap of the Week, Gaming, Concentration, Relationships, Passion. 2nd, I want to be looking more into the future with every entry, and then reflect on previous entries as well. Recap of the week: Last week: "My overall urges for social media have decreased substantially, but I've also been spending a bit more time on it than before" Funny enough, this week has gone by much better! I think that has partially to do with how busy I was, but my media use is nearly zero. I check Youtube once or twice a day, and a couple days a week I remember to check twitter/instagram. Reading books is far more satisfying than ever before, and I finally can just lay down and relax without the urge of grabbing my phone. I have continued to listen to podcasts and check FB on a daily basis to keep up with my family members- they've been active there b/c war in Ukraine (NO TO WAR!!!) This week has been challenging. I've managed to catch two diseases at once while completing Finals, but I believe that despite the circumstances, I've done my best. I've played a bit of Badminton with my partner, and we faced a team so much better than us- I suddenly know how much I have to learn! The weather has been annoying, and it's not helping at all with my sickness- I have some unidentified infection that causes strong chills and fevers, and also have shingles?? Such an odd disease. Other than that, I've been trying to get myself more opportunities for the summer, specifically in gamedev- I'm getting more and more sure that this is a career path that will suit my artistic interests best. Gaming Nothing- I'm getting less and less interested in gamedev b/c little is happening. I believe that fun things will begin happening soon, but right now everything is quiet. I have been listening to OSTs a lot though- my new favorites are "A Short Hike" and "La Noire". Concentration "Remeber to always be in the present moment" "What do I want to strive towards in the next 30 minutes?" "I want to be my best" These are the three mindsets I've been living by in the last week. The 2nd one I've discovered on Monday, and it has changed the way I focus a lot. Super helpful approach. The last one I've tried to adopt in a way that promotes growth without shame, and I'm suprised at how much energy it gives me every time I repeat. With the sicknesses, however, it's been much more difficult to stay concentrated. I am generally slower, and get distracted easily. I've been trying to limit my exposure to internet, but that's very opposite to my existing habits, so progress has been slow. Relationships Though I've fully quit pornography (since February? Or end of January?), I still sexualize women's bodies and pay more attention to "what" rather than "who". It's very frustrating and infuses fear whenever I interact with someone who has a woman's body, but I'm trying to replace the fear with love, and focus on the person I am speaking to rather than my internal anxieties. Other than that, I've been doing fine with my partner, though I wish we could see each other more. This term has been so busy that we've not been spending much time together at all, and it doesn't seem like we will spend much of our Summer together, either. Passion I've finished my Art project, but it still completely unfinished for the competition I want to enter. I have been trying to re-center myself around the things I really enjoy, and I've been doing that in every area of my life, from leisure to learning, fairly well... Except for actually doing the things I am passionate about! There is such a long history of discomfort and anxiety around treating things I feel passionate about seriosly, and it is getting in the way quite a bit. I am improving, however, and hope to get more and more into it soon. I think that I lack inspiration (not motivation) due to not using reference- I want to be an animator, but I don't watch any animations. I want to be a video game composer, but I don't play video games (though i've been debating on whether I really need to...). I hope to continue improving in this area, as this is one of the most important changes I've done in my life, imo. That's all I have for this week, thank you for reading 🙂 Shoutout to all the people who continue to stick around and stay commited to journaling here (@BooksandTrees looking at you, among many others) Po

Hey, hope you are doing okay- it's been awhile since you've posted here... Wherever you are, I hope that you're finding time and space to do things that bring you peace 🙂

I've been much less invested in playing addictive (usually multiplayer) video games once I've realized what games actually appeal to me and why (whereas before the appeal was how addictive a game is). Isolating video games in terms of what they offer to me in life, making them an "ends" rather than a "means" has been very helpful in overcoming my addiction. Since I started learning composition, I've managed to connect with a few awesome people in the industry and it seems like I might end up working on small-scale video games in the future! I've also come to value games as an art form rather than a means of entertainment, and that really made being addicted to them kind of... impossible? I just can't go back to playing games for multiple hours a day because quantity/pleasure is simply not what I seek from gaming. Good luck! Keep us posted 🙂

Day 229. In the previous entry, I've written about how I want to quit distractions altogether. Today, I've noticed how much I've been re-ingraining them into my life in very small bits of 5-20 minute breaks. Together, they add up to 1-2 hours every day, where the number I am aiming for is 30 minutes or less. It is frustrating to be going back into "quick dopamine" as my "resting" activity. I've quit twitter, stopped checking out various subreddits, reduced instagram usage, all only to re-introduce social media in slightly different ways. I'll try to set more strict rules and be evene more aware of how I define and do "rest". Po

Day 227... I think that I should switch to weeks at this point, but counting is satisfactory. Distractions This week is both high and low. My overall urges for social media have decreased substantially, but I've also been spending a bit more time on it than before. Funny, eh? I think that I will quit using news sites entirely with a couple exceptions: Thursday Evening (9:30-9:45PM) of every other week: a devlog for one of the games I'm still following comes out. It's a very enjoyable read. First Saturday Evening of every month (9-9:15PM): Check updates on the other two video games I still follow Weekly Friday Evening (9:30-9:45PM): Check FB for general important community updates (my parents only post there), and same for Insta Monday of every Week: Post on Art Instagram; delete Insta right afterwards Besides these, this is the kind of media I want to still keep in my life: Non-casual podcasts: topics like career building, important global issues, artist talks, etc. . Anything but the things that are simply "fun" Board Game Plays in my Native Language: it's a great way for me to keep my 1st language in good shape, and reconnect with the culture and social structures of my homeland. And fun Inspiration Material: GDC talks, amazing singlehandedly-done Animations, etc. . Mental Health Overal the last two weeks there was a significant drop in my mental health stability, but this week has been good. It's so hard to tell what was exactly the trigger of that instability, but it started right after the weekend I spent at home with my family. I'll attribute it to the series of unfortunate events following- getting food poisoning, and then being overly restful and falling behind academically. The set of triggers towards my productivity and efficiency had upset me and triggered me further into poor coping mechanisms of social media and general procrastination. This week, I could say, I have finally recovered, but there are still a number of ongoing stressors that I have a strong desire to adress: It is still extremely difficult for me to enjoy the things I enjoy. Whenever I make Art or Music for longer than 20-30 minutes, I begin getting frustrated and self-doubt a lot. I will have a meeting this weekend with a life coach, maybe it'll help? Being 100% focused at all times is still very difficult. I no longer get distracted by social media and can work for longer without taking breaks, but my thoughts still easily fly to distant lands. I am not super sure how to deal with this, perhaps I should do some reading over the weekend. Relationships I've hung out with a bunch of people in the last week (two). It seems that I'm getting much more comfortable with being around people I find physically attractive (as in, I just don't think about that lol), and am less anxious about the quality of the hangout- I will have a good time if I am open, honest, and in the present moment. everything below is written 3 hours later So, I just had a major burst of social anxiety following a slightly awkward first convo with a person (they're so coool, but not I'm anxious that I've ruined the whole thing lol). I proceeded to spend ~20 minutes on news sites, scrolling through (not aimlessly, at least- I learned some stuff) intstead of addressing my anxieties. Afterwards, I made the efforts to lessen my anxiety and journaled about it here and physically. Self-Assessment Analysis It's been two months since I've made my own wellbeing tracker on Google Sheets + Notion, and I wanted to sit back and sort through! The general framework is: every week, I quantify each area of self-assessment based on the comparison to the previos week- better, worse, or the same. I will usually move the tracker by only one digit (+/- 1) unless there was a significant change. A couple trends are fascinating: Weakest Qualities: the orange and bottom yellow lines are the lowest, but fluctuate quite a lot. Those are my evaluations of physical activity and proper resting (i.e. focusing fully on myself rather than using an external means like social media to lessen stress). There has been an inconsistent but incremental improvement across both; next week, I'll attempt to further stabilize these two. Strongest Qualities: Time (top yellow) and Stress Management (purple) have overall been great, but that's old news. It feels good to be managing my stress better, but I know that I can still do significantly better than that. Most Consistent: Continuos Learning (red) and Stress Management (purple) have not seen much fluctuation. I wish to improve my ability to learn new interesting concepts every week, but I am very happy with where I am today compared to just a couple months ago; my ability to take notes and remember info has improved a ton 🙂 Most Improved: It seems that balancing rest and work (grey) has had the most steady improvement. A few other areas have had bigger leaps upwards, but only to be followed by a decrease. And, the gut tells me that when thinking two months back, I had much more trouble resting up when needed and didn't have the healthiest practices in general. Interesting Patterns: The most fascinating week was that on Feb 14th- it's funny how some areas dipped down while others sprung upwards. Specificallt, those that stayed up had to do more with self-care and rejuvination- Rest, Priotitizing Relationships, and Sleep, and those that dipped where of the productivity and efficiency. It's funny that I remember that week as the "worst" in my term, when in fact I was simply trying to re-balance my resting and working skills/habits (my overall score dipped, but not to the lowest, by far). Wish I made this observation sooner! Overall, there are definitely qualities that are mutually exclusive- if some of them improve, the others are compromised. The larger goal for next two months is to learn to balance all of these areas together rather than have them clash with each other. All are a part of a whole, and all are capable of working together! I have more thoughts to share, but I think I'll just journal physically... Hope you found some of this helpful/inspiring! Thank you for reading ❤️ Po

Hi! Also great to hear again from you, glad that all the things you've chosen to abstain from in your life seem to have a positive effect on you! That does put some reassurance into my own decisions- I was just thinking of quitting social media entirely today 😮 Thank you! Po

That's quite interesting! For me,there is a strong disdain for multiplayer games because of how addictive, time-consuming, and often toxic they are. Going back into MMOs would bring me so much stress and anxiety (and sure there are benefits but they're miniscule) that I never even think about it. I'm really not sure how I got to this mindset though- I used to love MMOs and played them almost exclusively. Perhaps it's the growing appreciation of single-player game experiences, and learning more about all the problems and issues of the larger game companies, as well as journaling a lot on why MMOs are just bad for me.

Day 220. Nothing new in terms of gaming- had minor urges to be more involved with gaming-related social media, but no urges to play. TL;DR: This entry is mostly about appreciating the the changes in behaviours and habits I've recently experienced. Life's been kind of smooth. Changes in Understanding of Video Games Funny enough, I'm planning on taking courses in Video Game creation in the next couple of terms. And, I'm pretty decided that I want to work in the gaming industry as a sound designer/composer. Yet, I have absolutley zero desire to play video games! Funny enough, I've been drawing heavy on video games as an artistic medium, spending more time learning about how certain games were made, looking into creative processes... I'm not sure what to make of this contradiction- do I really want to work in the industry, or am I confusing myself? Another point of interest is that my urges are gone, entirely... Since I've taken out any "fast dopamine" activities like Youtube, social media, masturbation, snacking, etc., I've replenished my schedule with more slow-rewarding activities like reading, gunpla, cleaning, listening to podcasts. It has had a tremendous effect on how I view the world; I feel like I still have a lot to unpack in how much my perspectives have changed. Overall, I feel more disconnected from gaming than ever, while also being very interested in Gaming Industry for career opportunities?? Decline in Dopamine? It's very odd to know that the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning is no longer "check my phone". That thought barely goes into my head at all, actually. There are still issues of me wanting to check socials more often on certain days (when gamedev diaries come out, for example), but it happens once a week at most. I'm actually finding listening to podcasts rewarding and interesting, and so is for all other of my "replacement" activities. But, that thrilling feeling of excitement and stimulation is definitely gone; what I'm doing now feels good, but in a very different way. I know I don't want to go back though- right now I'm in a more balanced state and the stress I have to deal with comes in lesser amounts on average and doesn't stay for long. It's funny to think that just in January I would be on my phone right before bed and right after I'd wake up; I would be feeling extremely stressed and tired for hours, and I genuinely enjoyed watching TV shows and Youtube. I can't say that what I am doing now is necessarily "better" or "healthier", as I still feel pretty stressed and unhappy at times. But, I have finally started to journal daily, work on my relationships with people, and go after my passion rather than what's required. This is a period of very turbulent and rapid change, it seems, and I just have to push through it, hoping that something coooool is waiting on the other end. My Goals~ Short Term Finish my animations for Scholarships by end of next week (AAA this gives me anxiety but I know I want to do it 🙂) Finish the term with all "A"s (So far, it seems like I'm on my way there for 2/4 classes, eek) Create a full composition by end of March. I've been learning small things about Composition every day, and have a lot in the works. There is some purpose and direction to be improved, though Long Term Become an independent sound designer/composer in video games/animation! Not film- too large, expensive, commercialized of an industry. Indie scene in film is just something I have not immersed myself into at all so far... Spend much more time doing things I'm passionate about- not just do them daily, but let them define my day. Have more courage and control during stressful situations, and learn and focus faster! I've made tons of improvement here, with my performance in Intramurals Volleyball getting so much better in the last couple of weeks, except for serving uhhh. There is a lot to work on though- being able to make no regrets when in a difficult situation is extremely important to me. Be in a much better place with my partner. We're just fine at the moment, but I know there is a lot of "triggers" that could set off in the long-term future. I want to deal with these issues head on, before they become overwhelming. That's all, enjoy your weekend kind reader ❤️ Po

My breaks are 1-2 minutes. I quickly evaluate how well I have been doing so far while refilling my cups of water (instead of a waterbottle, I keep a bunch of cups, so that I take a longer physical break from sitting in front of screen). If I am doing fine, I keep going. But if there is something in my way, I take 2-3 minutes to either practice mindfullness, journal, or go for a very short walk. Then I'm back for another 20-30 minutes. At least so I do on paper. I am still pretty bad at timing myself when it comes to doing Art or Music. Thanks for asking!

Ahh man, I love your writing! This was such a long entry but I read it in one breath. Do you keep a public blog somewhere (cuz you should heh)? Either way, I don't agree with you fully, but following your request, I'll speak about what I do agree with you on 😄 The issue of ignorant ignorance bothers me too quite a bit. Folks in my family are fairly good at acknowledging if they are practicing ignorance (at least when it's obviously so, similarly to your examples), but not always. There are certain things about my father that really bother me; he doesn't let go of some problematic slurs/terms, and, I think, they are a way for him to stay connected to the places he grew up in (we're immigrants). I have some faults too; when I get a bit more hotheaded during an argument, I begin to impose my own perspectives much harder than usual, and have a hard time staying compassionate and hearing others. I think that we all practice ignorance at some points in our lives as a way of defending ourselves. Defending from something too difficult, something that requires an amount of courage and/or flexibility we might not necessarily posess at the moment. One of my favourite quotes ever comes from the movie "Stalker", kind of speaks to the importance of overcoming practicing deliberate ignorance: "Weakness is a great thing, and strength is nothing. When a person is just born, they are weak and flexible. When they die, they are hard and insensitive. When a tree is growing, it's tender and pliant." Thanks for reading! Po

Glad to see you here again, too! And yes, BooksAndTrees' diary is incredibly powerful and reassuring in the best ways possible. Keeps me coming to GQ.

Day 212. I usually journal on Thursdays, but lat week was filled with uhh disturbances... Distractions I've noticed how difficult it is for me to stay away from video game news when they're out. Yesterday, a big update for one of the games I follow had released, and I busted through all my rules and restrictions and spent about 30 minutes on social media. Today was much better- I only started my "social media break" 45 minutes before schedule with some shitty reasoning. I think that I am forgetting that the purpose of these rules isn't for me to avoid gaming, but for me to stop desiring it. Currently, my desire increases throughout the day; I'll keep reminding myself of my long-term motives for these restrictions. Overall, though, I've been able to dramatically decrease my social media usage in just a single week. The challenge now is to not simply reduce, but not desire any social media. Insta and Facebook are easy to avoid because they are not tied to gaming or other interests of mine; they are only a way to interact with other people and learn. Other platforms are more difficult because they release more dopamine, faster, with lesser effort. I have to remember that what I want, ultimately, is to not be reliant on any quick dopamine "suppliers" that provide no other benefits. Everything in my life I want to be contributing to my ultimate goals in some way; if I cannot see that connection, and the activity brings complicated feelings (like most quick dopamine suppliers), I cease it. \ Efficiency Ahh, another entry on my biggest craving. Last week was albeit too relaxing, and it took me up until today to get bac into the rhythm. Not blaming my family visit at all, rather all the days afterwards- Monday I was simply feeling tired, Tuesday I got food poisoning and coulnd't work, and Wednesday was filled with some annoying cognitive loops that really got me down. Reminding myself that this is the first time this term I am having a setback rather than evolution in efficiency helps me see how priviliged I am to be where I am already; this is a large accomplishment, too. To work against this tendency, I'll have to slightly remodel my mindset when I visit home and relax; there were attempts to do that while I was visiting, but without planning in advance they weren't super efficient and I still ended up feeling "unproductive", gaining stress, and subsequently resorting to quick dopamine as a coping mechanism. A set of new systems I am introducing to myself this week: Goal Visioning to Efficiency: I do what requires my outmost immediate attention first Every day, there must be a time when I can sit down at least for 20 minutes and do something that directly contributes to my goals Once I've completed the step above, the completion of all other tasks (i.e. indirectly contributing to my goals) will be much more efficient If I fail to do tasks in this order, with step 2 being the step I must complete daily, I accumulate stress, which eventually causes me to stop doing the things that directly contribute to my goals, which in turn crashes the whole system. Why this works: I can do things that don't explicitly contribute to my goals well only when I have a strong vision and interest for my goals. Vision cannot be done simply in my head; I need to contribute to it on a daily basis so that I can be certain that my goals are both achievable and important to me. So, doing things that directly contribute to my goals every day allows me to retain passion for everything else. Likewise, I cannot stay at my highest productivity when I am not doing something that really matters to me. Work - Rest- Reflection Cycle: For a lot of my daily tasks, sustatining focus for more than 30 minutes without no breaks is very difficult. However, the way I take the breaks is extremely important. Taking breaks in a way that allows me to recenter rather than distract is key to getting my body and mind recentered, allowing me to notice how I am feeling rather than mask the pain and stress. Reflection right afterwards is even more important, as after recentering my body and mind I am most able to look critically at my work and identify potential weaknesses and challenges. Skipping this last step creates potential for mistakes and subsequent loss of time and effort spent in fixing them. Why this is important to me: when it comes to music and art, and complex academic work like research, I often fail to take breaks often enough to keep my efficiency up and end up working much slower or with higher amounts of stress than optimally. Likewise, I don't really have a habit for reflecting on my work either, and lately I've been noticing how many mistakes I am simply missing because I failed to consider them earlier in the process. I want to eliminate those mistakes, and optimize my work sessions to a higher degree. With my current workload, I simply am not meeting my own standarts, and it has been stressing me out quite a bit. This is all for now, I have to get to bed! Hope you find some of this interesting- I wonder if any of these ideas are original at all or there are people who have already crafted and optimized these working systems. Po

Good luck Patrick! It seems like you've been able to develop a lot of efficient strategies to keep yourself moving in the desired direction; that's really cool 🙂 Thanks for bringing up the concept of Adaptive Denial, I feel like that is something inherent to my behaviours but I've never heard of it until now. Super excited to look more into it! Po

Day 207. Only 6 months until a full year. Can I make it? More than likely- with my summer looking to be overfilled with internships and personal projects to be outmost prepared for life past graduation, I hope to have the time and space to continuously (inspire to) create the things I care about! Journaling This last week was extremely productive- my rearranged schedule has been an amazing way to fill in all those gaps in my day. Now I stay occupied with work 100% of my time, except for breaks for food, socialising, and bathroom. On Wednesday and Thursday, I was easily able to go without any social media up until 5pm and 8pm. Starting next week, I plan on eliminating social media entirely except for Wednesday and Friday evenings. My focus increased significantly, but I seem to be unable to really stretch myself into longer work sessions without taking a break every 20-25 minutes. I simply cannot sustain absolute focus for longer than that. I’m not sure what’s preventing me from that, but it’s a system I am satisfied with. Thanks to a few really sad relapses with some of my worse habits, I began journaling daily. I’ve lost the streak while taking a visiting family over the weekend, and immediately my productivity fell. I got behind on some of my academics, increased social media usage, etc. I totally should plan ahead for situations like this to prevent a loss of productivity. To be fair though, I have been doing much better overall while visiting. It’s a much needed break; I’ve been working nonstop for about 6 weeks. Things that made me happy: 1. Playing badminton- me and my partner faced some really tough opponents. After losing the official game, we kept playing until we began winning! My best game to date by far, I was able to learn so much in just one hour… 2. Better focus and a more productive schedule- I’ve been able to do much more of the stuff I am actually passionate about 3. My partner- we’ve had a very nice week. This weekend we’ve been able to more quality time together than usual, and I really missed that. Things that made me sad: 1. Not making progress all too fast, as always- some bad habits are making a comeback now and then, and it’s always frustrating to be letting them into my life. Someday they will walk away for good though. 2. The usual problem with feeling fairly okay about some things and then turning out to be little disasters… happening again, both academically and professionally. There are always so many things to work on, and it’s frustrating to see how much I tend to overlook. 3. I’m so nervous about coming back to school after this break. I have a ton of work to do and I am simply putting it off because I really want to spend a lot of time with my family and simply get much needed rest. Sunday and Monday will be really tough- two large projects, tons of reading, and a performance to get ready for… And, a couple job applications are on the nose too. that’s all for now! Back to doing family things 🙂 wish y’all a warm 3rd week of February.

Hey! Thank you for sharing, I found his video interesting 🙂 I am not in a place where I can mimic Lex’ schedule in any way- 4 hour work sessions are simply impossible (and honestly I would find that to be counterproductive). His ability to focus is impressive! I hope to get to that point soon… More on that in the journal entry heh. I’ve been checking out quite a few of your suggested videos in other threads, they’re all quite fun- again, thanks for sharing! Po

Hi! I think it depends a lot on how you frame this question. Why do you want to know this- do you think that people who game are unsuccessful or that in order to be successful video games need to be a part of your life? What is "success" in your definition- money, happinness, fame, etc.? In my opinion, success and video games are extremely loosely corellated. Current definitions of success are really problematic- measuring it with just wealth/happiness/etc is often not enough, but to measure it using more than one variable is often difficult. At the same time, gaming comes in so many different shapes and sizes that's it's hard to categorize everyone who plays games into a single group. My sister plays games- once a month or so; my brother plays games- every day; I play games- once a year. If you were to narrow your question more, you could get a more interesting and precise answer... For example, "How many college students with a GPA of 3.5 or above play video games more than 2 hours a day?" Hope this helps! Po

Day 198. Woah, almost 200! I guess that's cool 🙂 Journaling The last few days have been very productive. I've reframed my entire schedule, and it looks very scary... The image below isn't the whole thing, even However, this new schedule has definitely lessened my anxiety when it comes to feeling like I am falling behind or do not know what to do; I find it much more fitting for my own lifestyle, and it is much more sustainable and flexible as a system on its own. Funny enough, this weekend I will be holding a workshop on this organizational system! Hopefully it will not look to dreadful for my attendants. I've been also taking better care of my mental health (as it took a big nosedive last week). Journaling physically every day and tracking my negative self-talk and difficult emotion has been incredibly helpful- I'm reducing a lot of bad thinking patterns, and very quickly. Gaming I've been having more significant urges lately, as I'm looking at certain video games in terms of a unique artistic experience rather than entertainment form. This way, they're far more appealing- I love experiencing and analysing art, and there is a lot of nostalgia tinkling, too, as it has been so long since I've played certain games... Revisiting them would feel "fresh" in some ways. Yet, I should continue to remember that I absolutely don't need to play games to get those experiences; watching gameplay, listening to the games' soundracks, or just reading about them is enough. A couple days ago I spent my lunch time listening to and watching the ambient environments of my favorite games; there are whole playlists on Youtube dedicated to that, apparently 🙂 Other things from life Though I'm feeling very positively right now, I must acknowledge that I was just experiencing a strong mood swing that has slowed my day considerably and made me feel exhausted. Anyways... Positive things from this week: Intramurals have begun! Volleyball and Badminton are super fun to play, I feel like I'm learning and feeling so many good things. I've been able to dive deep into dopamine control strategies, and so far they have been very effective. I haven't watched any TV for over a week now. Academically, I'm still thriving. Though I am not meeting my own expectations fully, relative to my peers, I'm in a very stable position. I've been improving drastically at my drawing and animating skills! Over the weekend, I hope to create a full short animation (3-5 seconds). Struggles from this week: Dopamine control strategies are effective, but some more deeply conditioned habits are difficult to address- I still go on social media for no reason from time to time; uninstalling Instagram helped, but I can do better! Mental health is having ups and downs; my mood swings are much lesser in magnitude, but still happen frequently. I hope to keep getting better! There is a lot of unknows about my future that are causing me anxiety; I feel like there are things I should be in control of, but am not. There is also some saddness coming from not being able to do everything I want to. With how productive I've become, falling asleep and having meaningful interactions with my partner has become more difficult... I simply cannot stop thinking about all the exciting projects I want to undertake. Very frustrating lol That's all for this week, see you Sunday! Po

Day 194. Didn't realize it has been so long. I really need to journal more often- my addiction to pornography is having a comeback, sort of, and I can clearly see that it could have been avoided had I dedicated more time to self-reflection on a daily basis instead of when I am at my worst. Addictions I think that there are a few poor coping mechanisms that I've designed for quitting pornography, similar to when I was attempting to quit gaming a few years ago. I must acknowledge that overall I'm doing so much better; I've gone so far in just a year, and I'm very proud of the progress I've made. However, it is a bit sad that this has proven to be a much more difficult road than quitting gaming; all that took was one strong commitment (plus consistency, which I am lacking to be honest). I have noticed a few patterns: I'm experiencing high stress -> relapse I'm experiencing social anxiety -> relapse My sexual life is having some changes -> relapse What do I do with these patterns? Develop different coping mechanisms. Honestly, at this point I have done this activity so many times that I know exactly what I should do differently. The issue is, I am not doing it... Or at least, not consistently. A couple weeks ago I was doing great, and now I've fallen back. I think that if I force myself to rest properly every day on top of any and all of my other activities, it will become a habit. I just have to make sure that I sit down and do it every time. One way I've been able to do that is to continue to find meaning in these activities- as soon as they lose importance to me, I lose the habit. I have to integrate them so deeply into my values that they will become essential to my existance. Ok, then... Why is journaling so important I am a very unstable individual. Though I am sure to be neurotypical, frequent mood swings are a part of my daily life. Usually, the worse my mental health gets, the more frequent the swings. This week, I've been experiencing a few swings every day. Very difficult to deal with to be honest... Additionally, I have a tendency to doubt myself and change directions easily. I'm very easy to reconvince when it comes to beliefs about myself. Though this helps me keep a very open mind to new experiences, it is also extremely unsafe. It has prompted many poor decisions and hazardous behaviors, and continues to be so until this day. I've used to think that what I need is discipline. But really, discipline doesn't give me more confidence in myself, it only enchances my ability to carry out behaviours under any pressure. Disciplining myself to believe that I am righteous in my self-perception of myself is much more complicated, and cannot be done by taking ice showers or completing challenging workouts. Journaling is a great way to reaffirm my current, previous, and future decisions. It is the tool that let's me create a stable set of beliefs as it lets me be aware of their fluctuations (and how that's problematic). By gaining an understanding of the instability of my core beliefs, I hope to be able to discover how to reclaim their stability. I don't know how effective this actually is, but journaling consistently is something I wanted to do for a long time to address my addiction with pornography and haven't done so far. After all, doing that is exactly what helped me quit gaming. Other stuff I'm doing extremely well academically and personally. I'm leading my instrument section in the ensemble, consistently practicing and learning art (finally, after so many months of dreaming about that), and continuing to make more connections and take time to take care of the existing relationships. I'll be playing my first Volleyball game of January tomorrow, and I'm incredibly excited about that. Life is good, overall. When I look at where I was 1 or 2 or 5 years ago, the progress is so obvious. I'm a bit happier, just a bit 🙂 That's all for now, next entry- on Thursday! Po

Day 187. I think I'll stop counting these for some time as there is no way I'd ever relapse during the school time. It's just too much time. So, next time I'll resume this counter, I will be over 230 days without gaming... or so I think 🤔 Journaling Purpose I spent about 25 minutes watching a short video while and after an online class and felt very guilty. The feelings are annoying and I have to take the time to process them before moving on. Though I already have done that in my head and am feeling totally fine now, it's valuable to put this down on uhh paper and share with y'all: Why did this bad habit become desirable: the class was going very off track, and though I've missed about 10 or so minutes of valuable information, quite a bit of it was very dissapointing and I wanted to get rid of my frustration and boredom. I couldn't leave class, but I also didn't want to be paying attention to it. What was the bad habit: I've watched a very entertaining youtube video. I watched it at 2x speed, so it was about 25-30 minutes of time. Benefits of the habit: numb my frustration, but also educate me on engaging character design, story pacing, combat/conflict design, and general artistic skills. There is a lot to reference and learn from; I might revisit that video. Why I was unable to stop the habit sooner/continued to repeat it: I did not go far enough to distance myself from the habit- I kept the tab open, and only shut off my PC's screen. Had I closed the tab and/or put the pc to sleep, I would likely only spend 5-10 minutes on this activity. How I wish to proceed next time: whenever in a class, always have secondary devices off and away. If urges arise, take 1-2 minutes to journal on how whatever I am doing is valuable and calls for all of my focus, and why it's important to avoid double tasking. This should be enough. How this was a valuable learning experience: So far in my college experience, I haven't had to deal with bad education. Now I know what challenges it can bring, and how to address them. Negative experiences trigger a lot of stress, and it's important to acknowledge that and allow that stress to channel into something else. This is a template I will use in the future for any serious bad habits. On that topic... Habit building update: Don't remember where here I saw the "dopamine detox" video, might have been @Nico Indigo, but it had proven to be super helpful. I've managed to complete two weekdays without any usual quick satisfactory activities, and it really improved my passion for other things and helped me not turn away from challenging projects. However, there is more work to do. My ability to focus is inconsistent, and so is my motivation and passion for things. I will continue to improve my ability to focus through taking smaller breaks more often and rise up my motivation through additional goal building (which I am scheduled to begin tomorrow hehe). Life update: I've been being busy as usual, picking up cool projects, developing my hobbies into career opportunities, and trying to enjoy the world around me and not be too critical about myself. Something new to this month is... networking! This is a very new thing for me to do, but it's so awesome to be finally learning to develop this, and I am 100% sure I am scratching the very tip of the iceberg. Already, good networking has brought me tons of opportunities and I cannot wait to network again in the coming week- I've gotten two new connections, and should be hearing back from the companies I've reached out to for internships... Exciting! I usually journal a bit more than this, but quite a bit of my journal is going physical. I will continue to post here at least once a week, but only the stuff that I feel can be directly helpful to others; things I can keep to myself, I will keep to myself. Good luck with the coming week! Po