Pochatok

Hey! Saw you're working to improve your drawing skills, and just wanted to recommend a community to join- learning is always faster/better when together! Look up "ArtProf", they have weekly streams and an amazing discord community. Also, Ethan Becker's discord channel is also highly active (though much more industry-oriented...). Cheers!

Welcome! Even though you mught feel to be different from others here, I hope that you will find your own purpose in being a part of this community. I felt similarly when I first joined; I would rarely play for more than a couple hours per week. But, I still had trouble quitting for good, and GQ has been super helpful; it was also there when I decided to quit pornohraphy and social media, too 🙂 Good luck!

Day 303. I'm not thinking of these as milestones anymore, but it's exciting to be beating my previous score so easily. If I continue to develop my passions at this pace, I will never look back at video games the same way. The amount of internal progress I've made over the last couple of weeks is unbelievable- I'm not super happy because it's a very different, new kind of pleasure and satisfaction, but I'm feeling extremely accomplished and grateful. -- Actually, Day 0... and I won't keep a counter anymore. I've just played an incredible visual novel that taught me so much new in just ten minutes. I don't feel like playing more for today, but it felt very much like reading a good book. From now on, I will very carefully re-introduce gaming to my life. There will be a number of rules:1 1. No more than 20 minutes a day, and no more than 10 minutes without a break. No more than 2hrs/week. 2. Games must be either a) non-addictive [no AAA titles for certain] or b) no more than 30 hours to complete. This way, I will move through games at a rate of 1 game per 2-3 months. 3. Reflect on every gaming experience in a journal right after playing. This will allow me to use games to grow artistically and professionally rather than be simply for entertainment purposes. 4. Only play between 9-9:30PM. Failing to follow this rule= 2-week detox. I will think of more rules as I go on, but for now this sounds good. Recap of the week: And, somehow I've turned everything upside down again! Realizing that I don't need to have my summer be completely packed up with events to make good lemonade out of lemons was helpful. It's my summer, after all, and I can work towards my goals on my own just like I am now. But also, I got all my gigs confirmed and a couple more so that's great 🙂 Feeling better. I've been focusing on enjoying what I'm doing as much as keeping the final product in mind. There is more balancing to do, but I'm much more positive about my workflow. I've been noticing more lately how hard I'm actually working. It's never enough for me, of course, but I waste barely any time at all. Every activity is purposeful and thought-out, and I love it. -- Lots of stressful things happened this week, but none of them override my ability to breathe deeply and be greateful for my life. I hope that next week will be less hurtful, but I'm still happy with where I am. Anxiety has been getting more under control as I am able to practice stress-reducing routines better. Gaming Well, let's talk about today's experience more. The game I played was "Butterfly Soup", and I wanted to approach it specifically in order to learn more about experiences of Queer Asian Americans. Even in the 1st ten minutes, there were so many new things for me to experience. My mindsets and beliefs are already being challenged, and I love that. There was certainly some nostalgic tingling across my body, but I did not experience any sort of flashbacks that made me feel insecure or that the past was impending on me... Overall, it was a short and relaxing experience- the kind of I want to have moving forward. Perhaps, more active self-reflection and patience; despite this being a visual novel, I lost myself in it here and there. Effectiveness [formerly Concentration] Enjoying a comeback of my previous sustainable routines. I still want to balance things out a bit more- I wish I'd spend more time reading and writing... There are also some habits still unstable- I am not using my calendar and daily schedules... daily. It would be helpful to make goals for effectiveness and organization too- they're quite important. Keeping all my tasklists in my head is not a great strategy, and neither is looking at them only once a day. Relationships After some therapy earlier this week, I'm feeling even better. Confirmed a couple hangouts in the coming weeks, and have been seeing people here and there. Interactions with my partner have been extremely meaningful too. Passion 100% true. Last week, however, I was not enjoying the process- composing was especially out of hand, as I struggled to not experience great deal of anxiety everytime I'd open the software up. Been enjoying the process more by shifting my focus from getting to the final product ASAP to focusing on enjoying the process first and then picking up the tempo. Good experiences must come from a positive foundation, imo. I've been much more consistent with everything, even practicing my instrument. I can't believe I wrote that entry only a few days ago... maybe I'm imagining all this progress lol. That's all! Thank you for reading, and good luck on your own journey! Love, Po

Day 298. I was 100% sure I posted here last week... must have either been a dream or network failure... Like @BooksandTrees, I don't journal here as much anymore because I've found better places to share my thoughts and improve my wellness at. I will continue to post life updates here for all the folk who are going through their gaming addiction. I know that journals like this were extremely helpful when I was starting out, and I want to help others grow! Recap of the week: Still rings true, but it's hard to say how they will turn out- 2/3 will be completed virtually for sure, and one of them isn't setting up as stable as I'd like it to... I'm feeling more nervous about my summer- I fear being overwhelmed with household stuff while at home. Since my older siblings will not be staying home a lot of responsibilities will fall on me. I do know, however, that I'm in a much better place than years before, and that already means a lot. No matter how much or little I will be involved, I know my goals better than ever and will work hard for them 🙂 Well... I've managed to built my schedule up but it is not as easy to follow it with how eventful spring has been for me. So many things going on! I do think that the change is very much needed, as I'm continuing to miss some small but important deadlines here and there, and that is quite frustrating as I like to be on top of my tasks. Already building back a lot of older habits that I've managed to let go off during Winter, such as adding to my to-do list the moment something comes up instead of leaving it for later, and using my calendar and daily schedule more actively. -- Overall, I've been doing okay. My motivation has plummeted last week completely, and it was fairly frustrating to be dragging behind both with academic and personal tasks. I'm back and doing far better, but that week has made me notice how many skills and methods I've managed to loose in the last month. I've also come to acknowledge the many difficulties this year has brought to me, and have come to appreciate more where I currently am. There are so many changes I've done over the last few months, and despite the difficulties in adjusting my entire lifestyle getting in the way of my efficiency and productivity, I'm doing what I'm passionate about, finally. I'm still not very happy, but a lot of it has to do with how I look at my own life rather than actual external stressors. I tend to overwork myself, and look back at "yesterday" negatively. I lack gratitude and appreciation of my accomplishments, and look to deeply into all the uncertainties and complications of my life. Amen to this not being true when I journal here next. Gaming Been having some urges to play as it's a bit odd to be pursuing audio work in gaming so dilligently while not actually playing any... or is it? I still feel like the two don't have to correlate at all. I'm extremely passionate about sound design, and it has nothing to do with how many hours a day I play games. It's kind of like being a professional athlete and not watching sports- the two correlate but are not mutually dependent?.. Concentration Have been mostly resolved. I have done lots of changes again this week, and I'm feeling super happy about them. I have started to spend much less time working in my room, and have redone my self-evaluation process in a way that is much more conductive to growth. I've integrated my goals into my schedule, and resumed using my planners and calendars. There is a lot of work to do still on being efficient with some tasks, but even there I'm feeling much better than usual. Many of my previous routines worked extremely well, but despite their comfortability what I was doing accomplished little for myself personally. It looked great from a sideview- grades, projects, employment, and all that jazz. But, I was not living my passion. Now, even though my routines are not in equally stable position, I'm closer to living the life I want to, and that means much more. I'll learn to concentrate and be productive soon 🙂 Relationships Maybe not so much now, but I'm still feeling fine. A lot of my anxieties have been resolved, and I feel like I can be much more open around others. Saw my family last week, which was totally awesome, but not have spent much time with others. Recently had a major argument with my partner, but it turned into a very fullfilling and meaningful conversation. Do hope to hang out with more folks soon, but also feel like I don't have precise social goals and don't need many interactions to feel fullfilled, so far. Passion Living it. Every day I've been making something, with no breaks. I can be more productive and learn faster for sure, but simply getting into the habit of living my passion daily is a huge leap forwards. Not only am I doing, but also truly enjoying what I do- also a big first. haha! I have been doing those daily for the last few days. Hope to continue to balance my time well between animation and stills. Nope, this has not been happening... I don't prioritize my instrument much anymore, or at least allow myself to move when I practice around the day. I think that this is not a great choice, but on certain days like weekends my schedule is too varied and inconsistent. As long as I manage to do both on certain days, I will feel good. This is it for now; in two weeks I will do another review of my self-assesment tracking- excited for that! Hope that reading this has been helpful to you, and thank you so much for taking your time here 🙂 Po

Bold= specific changes to my life I want to see by next week ❤️ Day 281. An interesting week, some significant ups (but not without the downs)! Recap of the week: Uhh, haven't been doing that yet, and am not sure whether I actually need to- it seems that my summer is packed up pretty well, and any additional opportunities are yet to be spotted... Even worse on Monday- I've learned another important concept, yet, and can't wait to see if it will make a difference at the game tonight! -- I now have three confirmed "gigs" for the summer, and still am thinking of adding a few more! I would love to do some stuff locally, but so far I've not gotten around to doing that at all lol. Issues with porn have resurfaced for the second time in a single month- something that hasn't occured to me in quite some time. I'm taking some solid steps towards resolving that issue, and hope that by next journal entry I will be able to see some differences in my behaviours. I've completely stabilized my learning and exercising routines, and am living through my passions more than ever, which is exciting! As it turns out, I need very little to get the grades I want; they don't matter much anyways. Gaming nothing new whatsoever. I hope to feel the same way about all my other bad habits soon. Concentration I think I'm mostly there- efficiency is still something to work on, but I'm structuring my day much more intuitevely. Overall, this leads to longer periods of passionate productivity, whereas before I would force myself to be productive and get exhausted very quickly. However, there is a lot I want to talk about here, as a few things have been bugging me hard: -- I've completely thrown away most structure to my day, only leaving important personal routines in the daily system (taking a break for email replies or practicing my instrument at the most convenient times). So far, this has been mostly advantegeous, but I need to impose much better structure on my days overall, and utilize the system I've built despite it being more flexible. Often, I am unsure of what to do at a certain time during the day- priorities are not set clearly as I am not mindful of the deadlines and interests. A couple more days like this and I will begin to lag academically (with bigger projects), forget about larger personal tasks (like transferring my funds to a different bank) or lose drive for certain activities (already happening, sadly). Let's do a larger evaluation: I'm spending too much time in my room, which is not the most productive space- it is very isolative, encouraging some bad habits to resurface, etc. . From today, I will only be in my room when it requires certain resources like my PC. Lunch breaks will be taken outside of the room whenever possible; same for leisure activities. I'm no longer daily updating my to-do lists (or using them, either). From now, I'll fill out my schedule at 9PM daily, and will check in with it every morning right after journaling. To stick better to my own schedule (I tend to skip some activities here and there) I will need to work on discipline, but in a non-toxic way. Meaning, there is no enforcement; I develop better discipline through deepining my passion and controlling unwanted behaviours through altering my mindsets and environments. This will, hopefully, come from me knowing the schedule, re-affirming and re-visiting my goals every day (until 3rd week of May- let's make it a habit), and practicing mindfullness more often (also has to do with where I am- I practice it a lot more outside of my room than within...) With all this, I'm looking forward to next week. Just have to make sure that certain habits are followed daily; the two big dips in my organization and usage of pornography come largely from inconsistencies in my routines. Not like everything is about routines, of course, but that is what develops habits, and I'm all about that heh. Relationships True to this week too, but it's not bothering me much. I know that I am loved, and people around me are not avoiding me or mean to me or etc. . Getting daily reaffirmations of my social life from others and simply interacting with folks here and there is nice. I feel much better about who I am socially than ever before in my life. Passion Not super consistent here, but have been writing them a bit more often indeed. I'm pretty sure I can make this a daily habit, but first I need to step up my morning concentration by doing some mindfullness/exercise every day after breakfast. Done! Am extremely consistent with animation, but barely dedicating any time at all for practicing drawing/painting, which do be important... I will resume my daily 20 minute sketching sessions starting, hm... I will practice this right after my instrument practice sessions- that means, 4 days a week! Sounds pretty manageable 🙂 Alright, a longer entry, but there is a lot I wanted to touch on. Here's to more self-reflection! Have a good weekend, and keep moving forward ❤️ Po

Super extra: Personal Tracker Update! Last time I checked it out was end of February; it's been nearly two full months since! It's getting rather lengthy... Anyways, let's take a look at some DATA: Weakest Qualities: Rather suprising to see full resting such a deep dive down in late March. It is my main way of addressing stress (which makes a bump in "stress management" all the more unexpected), and that week was particularly stressful. It's coming up steadily, but it's nowhere near being a routine, though I perform mindfullness daily. Strongest Quality: Prioritizing relationships also took a nosedive at the end of March, but since has resurfaced at an all-time high! I've been putting consistent effort and attention to this aspect of my life, and it is paying off. Leading up has been continuous learning- with how much I'm listening to podcasts, looking up tutorials, and journaling about working in game audio, I've been learning something new nearly every single day. Most Consistent: Ehh, too early to call it yet. The week of March 28th was a very strong dip in most areas, from which I am still recovering. It's hard to tell what has been stable, if anything. Most Improved: Since that dip a month ago, my working environment has been continuing to improve! That is a rather vague area that I should attempt to define better... But in general it is about how well I am able to structure the environment around me for enchancement of focus and efficiency. My own room has been getting significantly better in that regard, and I've also been taking the opportunity to get out of my room and work elsewhere when appropriate. Interesting Patterns: Proactivity took a huge leap upwards late March, but then has been steadily going downwards... Essentially, this is the quality of my metacognition minus how much I overthink. Metacognition has been getting better and better, but so has been overthinking. This week, I've been told a few times to stop overthinking (during Intramurals -_-), and since then have been more actively trying to get Proactivity under control. Hope to keep improving here! That's it, hope you were able to find this somewhat fascinating! P.S. the link in the title is interactive- you can highlight individual lines :)

Day 275. Originally, I wanted to journal here every Thursday. I'll try to be consistent and do it every Friday instead. Recap of the week: Nope! Did not get that scholarship I was applying to... Still, feeling good, knowing I put my best work into it. Feeling better, but last week was understandably draining. I'm getting to that point again, sleep deprivation is not helping... Will take a nap a bit later today, and try to prioritize better. Wish been granted! -- Overall, a good week so far. I do feel nervous about having completed a large chunk of projects- it's time to look for new opportunities, again. I don't know why there's so much fear about learning more about totally new things, but I'm excited to overcome it and move forward! Can't wait to call my family tonight, and tell them some more good news. Intramurals yesterday went pretty poorly, but it was incredibly fun and I managed to learn a lot. Gaming Still the same. I don't think I'll ever look at games the same way again at this point. Feels great to be so free from that particular addiction. Concentration Getting back at it! I'm trying to strike a healthy balance where improving my efficiency is still a part of the overall process, but it's not causing me anxiety or stress. Relationships Don't know... This week in particular, I've not been hanging out with that many folks. Had one great meetup with an old friend of mine, but besides that it's been mostly my partner and occasional meetups during lunch/dinnertime. While my social anxieties are improving every day, some situations remain difficult. Excited to keep learning and improving! Passion Been making some art every day since Tuesday. I want to build an even more consistent schedule going forward, but this is a strong start. I do need to post on Insta, however... I barely use social media so its a bit difficult to stay active; this has to be a more intentional goal of mine! Speaking the truth- I gotta write them out at least a couple times a week, all the way through. Every day, I do start out by thinking of who I want to be, but that's not specific enough. That's it for this week... Except for one more post below 🙂 Thank you for reading, and have a relaxing weekend! Po

Day 272. Feeling pretty bad the last couple of days, but a great week overall. Recap of the week Yep- got accepted into working at an amazing summer camp! Continuing to build connections and look out for opportunities. Been calling my family more often this whole week; realised how much I miss home, too. Being on campus and doing work for my own career is great, but nothing can replace being with my baby siblings and parents. We're a very odd bunch and often don't get along but I appreciate them greatly and every visit feels too short. -- This week I've finished up a lot of preparations for summer opportunities... Hope to hear good news soon. I got to hang out with some friends (which made me pretty happy), but also had to deal with some emergencies that have completely messed up my sleep schedule. I have been very sluggish for the last 3 days, and today my motivation has plummeted hard- I just want to rest. Hopefully, next week will be less stressful and I'll be able to stay more energized and excited. Today has been special: I've actually slept for a good amount, spent my morning with my partner, but since have been feeling rather sad. Hopefully, it's just because I'm giving into the stress and tiredness. I want to feel better soon. Gaming Been reading every night! Games haven't been a problem at all. I don't think I'm interested in any forms of entertainment at the moment, especially gaming- so pointless. Concentration Part of the issue this week has been too little attention to efficiency- I've remade my schedule and feel very happy about it, but I think that I don't have enough goals to follow to make the most out of day so far. As such, my focus has been struggling. Today especially, I cannot keep my mind from wondering every minute or two. 😞 Relationships Well, we've been arguing much less for sure. I'm also trying to be a better listener, and hold more fun and socially acceptable conversations. This week, I've connected with so many people- some that I never met, some that I know well... but I felt much more confident and comfortable throughout. I have been getting more socially anxious in the last two days, but I know that it will get better soon- weekends are aways a bit more socially isolative for me. I want to keep improving my social skills and make more and better friends. I stil say some really weird or just inconsiderate stuff daily. Passion Welp, I've not been doing any visual work this week. My Sound Design and Composition side of things is doing great, but not animation. I want to make more than just entertaining stories, but do not dedicate much time to developing my storytelling skills. I've been continuing to do animation practices, but inconsistently; without a larger goal, they feel purposeless. Hope to address this soon, and start working on larger projects. In general, I've ought to write out my goals more frequently. See you next week, kind reader 🙂 Po

Congratulations! So glad that you were able to get past the birth difficulties, but feel sorry that your wife and you had to go through that experience. Children are amazing, hope you'll have the time to enjoy them while they're cute and fun and easy to deal with... I used to have the exact same loop. But, I absolutely do not remember how I got out of it... Part of it was simply repeating, every single day, that no matter how much "better" I get, it is never a reason to get back into destructive habits. Additionally, I would often reflect on all of the past experiences that have led me to these destructive habits; that helped me gain a deeper understanding of how the issues formulated, and why I have so much trouble going away from them. With more patience and acceptance of myself, I was able to alleviate some of the anxiety quitting gaming caused to me, and move forward. You can dig through others' journals to see how they managed to get out of this loop as well..? I don't know who else has a similar situation, but I very much doubt it's just you and me. I don't think I've stopped convincing myself of repeating this loop, really. But it is no longer convincing enough.

Day 265. Not sure if I should reset or not... More on that below! Recap of the week Still somewhat behind, but I've decided that classes matter less than my personal goals. The two are not in alingment, sadly, and doing what I value is more important to me; I believe that it will change the world. My classes are merely a supplier to my passion. I will still do my best, but won't cut any time away from working towards my goals. Leisure is still difficult to control, but I'm most definitely back to working as much as I want to and only taking breaks when they feel appropriate. Many of the achievements with efficiency I've reached last term were at the expense of my health; I want to steer away from that, and sacrifice being a perfect worker bee towards a more flexible, human schedule. Social isolation was very much present in last week, yes, but I've been feeling so much better since. I've noticed what my anxieties look like, what they make me do/think, and have been taking active steps towards re-structuring those behaviours. Have already seen a couple friends recently, hope to spend even more time being social 🙂 Other than that, I've been continuing to reach out to more people, and one of them has mentioned the possibility of an internship! Not sure when or how, but that would be an amazing offer- the person has worked with Grammy winners 😮 My summer is looking more and more exciting. I will continue to do my best! One of my pets has passed away, and I've been trying to spend more time with my family to help deal with grief. Will call them tonight. Gaming Yessir. Been playing games for sound design education (literally opening/making games to implement sound into them), but it is nothing like playing an actual game imo. There were some... tingles that felt very interesting, but I don't want to play games. There are some games I hope to try out in the future, but right now I still want to learn to balance other leisure activities better. I am not reading enough! Concentration After more reflection a bit earlier this week, I've decided that focus has been taking up too much of my attention, to the point where I would fail to enjoy the activity and subsequently not make much progress. Focus is important, but I should set a benchmark and not worry about it instead of continuosly raising the bar. Being more flexible is key to growing my passions, and for the last couple of months I've absolutely steemed away from that haha. I'm happy with what I achieved, but it's not sustainable long-term. Relationships Working on this! I've noticed that I am not sharing nearly as much about my own feelings and not communicating enough in general. And, whenever there is some conflict, I avoid bringing it up, putting the expectation of "reading my mind" on my partner. Dumbo dumbo. Hope to improve more in this area next week! Passion That continued to be a problem for a couple more days, but all of this week I have been zeroing-in on just doing the thing itself. There has been, as always, a lot more difficult changes, but I'm super excited to have reworked my flow for animation and composition. Can't wait to start outputting results that speak to me more soon 🙂 That is it. Hope you all are doing well, and thank you for reading my journal. Stay awesome and beautiful 💛 Po

Day 257. I've been extremely busy the last few days, so the journal entry is Oa bit late. A lot of stressful changes in this week, but to be expected 🙂 Recap of the week: Eh, this a bit pessimistic. But, I also realized that I don't need to stuff my summer with tons of opportunities to do the things I want to do. Learning to do cool things on my own is important too. Got my interview for Wednesday! Super excited. Somewhat true now. It seems that I will be able to get funding for quite a few of my indendent projects from the school; that covers a lot of my worries and anxieties. The rest will be resolved by continuing to pump in more effort and time into networking and opportunity search. This week has been tough. I loved spending time with my family, and being back on campus is, suprisingly, decreased my productivity. I am not sure why, but at home I was so incredibly productive it blew my mind. This week, however, I have been getting much more easily immersed into leisure activities and generally lacked direction. A part of it has to do with me being in a more isolated environment- being at home is extremely sporadic, and I have very little time to get work done. On campus, there is the illusion of having more time. Other than that, a lot of my social anxieties have resurfaced, but that's nothing new. I feel much better about them already, and that's great. Large projects I've undertaken during break has pushed a lot of my plans back quite a bit; I'm already behind in some classes and personal projects. Frustrating, but I'm catching up. Super excited to be learning more sound design, animation, and composition. Will share things when they're ready 🙂 Gaming Nope. YouTube videos is enough. I will game when I feel like it, but at this point there is enough drive simply from memories of play and watching gameplay. Concentration Somewhat true. Monday and Tuesday of this week I completely lost the determination, but since then I've been getting back at it! Focus has improved a lot, but I want to keep growing. Relationships I'm so happy to say that this was one of the better breaks. I've gotten to know my mom so much better. In general, I feel super good about how much time and passion I've poured into my family. My partner and I have remained a bit distant, sadly- we're just busy and don't need each other as much anymore. It is sad, but not upsetting. Passion Has been a problem on Tuesday and Wednesday- I've spent too much time looking into inspirational material, to the point where it clearly turned into leisure. My motivation and inspiration have improved a ton however, I am super thrilled to be learning and creating more every day. Yay! That's all for this week; next week, I hope to share some exciting news- fingers crossed I'll hear back from the tons of people I'm reaching out to.

To me, reducing any dopamine-inducing media usage (following things that are entertaining or interesting but have no other value and/or very time-consuming media usage like scrolling through comments) via certain apps AND replacing that with more meaningful media interaction has been key. To reduce usage of unwanted media, I installed apps like Stay Focused for my phone, Screen Time for Ipad, Cold Turkey + UnDistracted on PC, and made them as strict as possible, and extremely extensive. All of the sites I spend too much time on get restricted in some way on all of my devices with very little exceptions, like having FB on Ipad (but not in the form of app, just via browser). Also, I simply unfollowed all of the content on Insta/Youtube/Facebook that I felt was not serving any purpose. At the moment, I only follow friends on Instagram (and only those that post rarely haha), and am subscribed to only a couple YouTube channels that also post infrequently. My logic is that if I am really curious about some content creator, I can literally find them anytime. There is no need for me to be constantly up to date on what they're doing. For creating better media habits, I focus on following content that adds directly to my goals- on Youtube, it is art tutorials and music podcasts, and on Facebook, it is local sport meet-up groups. Everything else I only check when needed. My logic here is that the only content I should be seeing is that which I will actually remember and/or make use of in the near future. Anything that will fade from my memory quickly or not be utilized right away is not something I should follow. For this reason, I avoid subscribing to art tutorials- most of them I will watch and forget; only a couple channels offer continuous value with each upload. As for books, I just read them for fun! It is a way for me to transition into mindfulness and force myself to rest fully. I have a large problem with never resting... Other than that, I've been listening to podcasts, gunpla (I do it very slowly so it stays affordable haha), and literally just laying on the floor and doing nothing. That last activity has been super important to me; I've grown to appreciate the world around me so much more by just being immersed in my environment through doing nothing.

I absolutely relate- this is how I initially got out of gaming. I knew there were things that I felt passionate about, but my "want" to procrastinate would be far larger than "want" for anything else, so I had to change it to a "must". After my detox, however, I was able to strengthen my "want" for being productive and doing things I love, and I was eventually able to completely rid of the "must" mindset, though it took me over a year. Hope that you can continue to get more motivation as you continue the detox- have you thought of doing a more throurough dopamine detox, not just games?

Your productivity measuring system is super awesome, thank you for sharing this 🙂 Hope that you can continue to stay productive and get more inspired and motivated to enjoy your efforts and work!

Yes- it all fits into the same box for me in terms of how it affects my thoughts, concentration, and feelings/emotions. I quit reddit and twitter first, then netflix and instagram, and now I've quit essentially everything else that produces similar effects- gamedev diaries, podcasts, etc. . It's not that I am avoiding media usage completely, but I do it very occasionally and intentionally rather than passively/habitually. This seems to be the best model for me at the moment. Hope this helps!

Day 248. What, it's been nearly two weeks?! Well, let me tell you... Recap of the week: Last week: I think that both still stand true, despite the fact that I've not been nearly as "busy" (as in, having my schedule filled). I think that looking at my phone is no longer rewarding when a direct need isn't met. Just checking Insta for the sake of doomscrolling isn't fun, neither is looking through Youtube's suggestion page for a couple minutes. There's been days where I'd not use any socials at all, but not all- some triggers like long trips and severe, urgent stress remain. Overall, this week gas been extremely good, but also growingly pessimistic about the future. Staying at home has been both enjoyable and very busy- I get to be around my family, which is super nice, but there's so many household responsibilities I take on (cuz I want to and because I feel like I need to to keep the house sane and quiet). My family is not in the best shape- we're Russian and have a lot of friends and friends of friends that are heavily affected by the war. While we do have the privilege of not getting targeted by bombs or losing access to medications and information due to , the emotional and cognitive toll has been great for my parents, especially in the first couple of weeks during the war. I have lined up a mentorship with some industry professionals working in sound design for video games, but it's not going to be in person or take up a lot of my time... I have to get more! I applied for a gaming summer camp (only a week long too, though), and am continuing to bother smaller companies for opportunities. During a meeting with a career advisor, I realized that my current goals have been pretty insufficient; I need to be more networking-oriented. The focus should be on the people, not on what they can offer. My next round of outreach, starting Monday, I will structure around this core goal of simply making friends in the insustry first. My summer is looking to be rather uneventful so far, and that's bothering me a lot. However, if I continue to pour in more work and thought into preparations, I should come out just fine. I also have to remember to not work for anyone who isn't valuing my time and efforts. Gaming Nothing different this week- no urges to play, though I might end up actually playing some as I'm learning more sound design. My relationship with video games and other simply-pleasuring activities has been altered so significantly that I'm not worried about this, however. In case I do end up playing, I will make sure to end the counter 😞 Concentration Completely true to this week as well. Being at home is an extremely noisy, busy environment. Setting 30-minute goals is difficult because time moves by so fast (though it is entirely possible and I should do this in the next few days), and high amounts of concentration simply require a bit too much time (though if I were to put a bit more effort, it would be possible too). I am continuing to grow even more determined to be doing my best, and the little work I get done is focused. I'm not feeling too bad about having decreased performance here because I am on break, but starting tomorrow I will have to get much more focused. The break is about to end. Relationships Well, this has only gotten worse since it's Spring Break and we've spent the last week a couple hundred miles away from each other. But, I've been spending a lot of time with family members, and that's great. One of my biggest goals right now is to spend good time with family, and I'm meeting it 🙂 Passion Still am not using reference, but have been doing much more work! I don't think that not using reference was the main issue, but having something to be inspired by and/or learn from is very important- I'm continuing to read interviews and occasionally watch fun animations. I'm not relying on inspiration to feel motivated to do work, but it is helping me define my goals more clearly. That's all for this week- I hope to get more focused and productive in the coming days. Let's see how well I can get there! Po

Totally relate to this- I used to also play the perfectionist, always taking the hardest way possible to complete a task ("cuz the easy path is for losers"). Instead of optimizing my workflow and getting projects done quicker, I would take the route that would give me the most exhaustion and require the most amount of time/effort. I had to unpack a lot of bad teenage experiences with internal unrealistic expectations and consequential failure/dissapointment and learn to structure my goals much more precisely to get over it. But, I still end up putting far too much effort and time into things sometimes, though now I don't feel as stressed out about it afterwards?.. Kind of, I guess- last time was a couple weeks ago, when I pulled off three amazingly done projects (when I really didn't need to) and got shingles right after because my immune system was pretty wrecked after an extremely stressful week. Good luck with this! Was (and is) a long, difficult journey for me, but I'm definitely in a better place now- fingers crossed for you!

To me, introducing a must came from building much more concrete goals, dreams, and aspirations, and realizing that I will be unable to achieve them while gaming. Even now, more than a year after I quit, I continue to build more specific and concrete goals, ensuring that nearly everything I do in life feeds directly into who I aspire to be. With this pattern, after I quit gaming, I began quitting porn; after I quit pornography, I've quit social media, Youtube, and Netflix. Even now, I continue to redefine my goals and dreams every day, and that keeps pushing me to want to do more and more with my time. However, I think that introducing a "must" has to come from a "want". You say, "do it when you MUST", as in when there is an obligation. That was exactly the reason I went to the gym a couple years ago- I would feel so anxious about not "looking good", that I felt that I had to go to the gym or my social confidence would shatter (which is all bs, btw- modern beauty standards suck, everyone's is beautiful the way they are 💝). I still go to the gym, and I've actually gotten significantly stronger, but not because I made the workouts necessary, but because I've found ways to genuinely enjoy them. To me, this is the ideal way of reducing any unwanted habit like gaming- instead of only forcing yourself to quit, try to enchance other activities along the way, so that they become more enjoyable than gaming and end up replacing it naturally. Right now, I get the same pleasure from reading that I used to get from gaming. I've let reading become just as thrilling and rewarding, while simultasionesly reducing the amount of time I spent playing video games every day. This is toxic and sexist, imo. You can be feminine (and/or a woman) and be just as willing to sacrifice, take risks, go on adventures, etc. .

Day 237. It's been a super fascinating week! re-structuring the format: I want to make this a bit less chaotic and more continuos, so that journaling here serves a specific purpose to both me and the GQ community. First, here are the sections I want to have for each week: Recap of the Week, Gaming, Concentration, Relationships, Passion. 2nd, I want to be looking more into the future with every entry, and then reflect on previous entries as well. Recap of the week: Last week: "My overall urges for social media have decreased substantially, but I've also been spending a bit more time on it than before" Funny enough, this week has gone by much better! I think that has partially to do with how busy I was, but my media use is nearly zero. I check Youtube once or twice a day, and a couple days a week I remember to check twitter/instagram. Reading books is far more satisfying than ever before, and I finally can just lay down and relax without the urge of grabbing my phone. I have continued to listen to podcasts and check FB on a daily basis to keep up with my family members- they've been active there b/c war in Ukraine (NO TO WAR!!!) This week has been challenging. I've managed to catch two diseases at once while completing Finals, but I believe that despite the circumstances, I've done my best. I've played a bit of Badminton with my partner, and we faced a team so much better than us- I suddenly know how much I have to learn! The weather has been annoying, and it's not helping at all with my sickness- I have some unidentified infection that causes strong chills and fevers, and also have shingles?? Such an odd disease. Other than that, I've been trying to get myself more opportunities for the summer, specifically in gamedev- I'm getting more and more sure that this is a career path that will suit my artistic interests best. Gaming Nothing- I'm getting less and less interested in gamedev b/c little is happening. I believe that fun things will begin happening soon, but right now everything is quiet. I have been listening to OSTs a lot though- my new favorites are "A Short Hike" and "La Noire". Concentration "Remeber to always be in the present moment" "What do I want to strive towards in the next 30 minutes?" "I want to be my best" These are the three mindsets I've been living by in the last week. The 2nd one I've discovered on Monday, and it has changed the way I focus a lot. Super helpful approach. The last one I've tried to adopt in a way that promotes growth without shame, and I'm suprised at how much energy it gives me every time I repeat. With the sicknesses, however, it's been much more difficult to stay concentrated. I am generally slower, and get distracted easily. I've been trying to limit my exposure to internet, but that's very opposite to my existing habits, so progress has been slow. Relationships Though I've fully quit pornography (since February? Or end of January?), I still sexualize women's bodies and pay more attention to "what" rather than "who". It's very frustrating and infuses fear whenever I interact with someone who has a woman's body, but I'm trying to replace the fear with love, and focus on the person I am speaking to rather than my internal anxieties. Other than that, I've been doing fine with my partner, though I wish we could see each other more. This term has been so busy that we've not been spending much time together at all, and it doesn't seem like we will spend much of our Summer together, either. Passion I've finished my Art project, but it still completely unfinished for the competition I want to enter. I have been trying to re-center myself around the things I really enjoy, and I've been doing that in every area of my life, from leisure to learning, fairly well... Except for actually doing the things I am passionate about! There is such a long history of discomfort and anxiety around treating things I feel passionate about seriosly, and it is getting in the way quite a bit. I am improving, however, and hope to get more and more into it soon. I think that I lack inspiration (not motivation) due to not using reference- I want to be an animator, but I don't watch any animations. I want to be a video game composer, but I don't play video games (though i've been debating on whether I really need to...). I hope to continue improving in this area, as this is one of the most important changes I've done in my life, imo. That's all I have for this week, thank you for reading 🙂 Shoutout to all the people who continue to stick around and stay commited to journaling here (@BooksandTrees looking at you, among many others) Po

Hey, hope you are doing okay- it's been awhile since you've posted here... Wherever you are, I hope that you're finding time and space to do things that bring you peace 🙂

I've been much less invested in playing addictive (usually multiplayer) video games once I've realized what games actually appeal to me and why (whereas before the appeal was how addictive a game is). Isolating video games in terms of what they offer to me in life, making them an "ends" rather than a "means" has been very helpful in overcoming my addiction. Since I started learning composition, I've managed to connect with a few awesome people in the industry and it seems like I might end up working on small-scale video games in the future! I've also come to value games as an art form rather than a means of entertainment, and that really made being addicted to them kind of... impossible? I just can't go back to playing games for multiple hours a day because quantity/pleasure is simply not what I seek from gaming. Good luck! Keep us posted 🙂

Day 229. In the previous entry, I've written about how I want to quit distractions altogether. Today, I've noticed how much I've been re-ingraining them into my life in very small bits of 5-20 minute breaks. Together, they add up to 1-2 hours every day, where the number I am aiming for is 30 minutes or less. It is frustrating to be going back into "quick dopamine" as my "resting" activity. I've quit twitter, stopped checking out various subreddits, reduced instagram usage, all only to re-introduce social media in slightly different ways. I'll try to set more strict rules and be evene more aware of how I define and do "rest". Po

Day 227... I think that I should switch to weeks at this point, but counting is satisfactory. Distractions This week is both high and low. My overall urges for social media have decreased substantially, but I've also been spending a bit more time on it than before. Funny, eh? I think that I will quit using news sites entirely with a couple exceptions: Thursday Evening (9:30-9:45PM) of every other week: a devlog for one of the games I'm still following comes out. It's a very enjoyable read. First Saturday Evening of every month (9-9:15PM): Check updates on the other two video games I still follow Weekly Friday Evening (9:30-9:45PM): Check FB for general important community updates (my parents only post there), and same for Insta Monday of every Week: Post on Art Instagram; delete Insta right afterwards Besides these, this is the kind of media I want to still keep in my life: Non-casual podcasts: topics like career building, important global issues, artist talks, etc. . Anything but the things that are simply "fun" Board Game Plays in my Native Language: it's a great way for me to keep my 1st language in good shape, and reconnect with the culture and social structures of my homeland. And fun Inspiration Material: GDC talks, amazing singlehandedly-done Animations, etc. . Mental Health Overal the last two weeks there was a significant drop in my mental health stability, but this week has been good. It's so hard to tell what was exactly the trigger of that instability, but it started right after the weekend I spent at home with my family. I'll attribute it to the series of unfortunate events following- getting food poisoning, and then being overly restful and falling behind academically. The set of triggers towards my productivity and efficiency had upset me and triggered me further into poor coping mechanisms of social media and general procrastination. This week, I could say, I have finally recovered, but there are still a number of ongoing stressors that I have a strong desire to adress: It is still extremely difficult for me to enjoy the things I enjoy. Whenever I make Art or Music for longer than 20-30 minutes, I begin getting frustrated and self-doubt a lot. I will have a meeting this weekend with a life coach, maybe it'll help? Being 100% focused at all times is still very difficult. I no longer get distracted by social media and can work for longer without taking breaks, but my thoughts still easily fly to distant lands. I am not super sure how to deal with this, perhaps I should do some reading over the weekend. Relationships I've hung out with a bunch of people in the last week (two). It seems that I'm getting much more comfortable with being around people I find physically attractive (as in, I just don't think about that lol), and am less anxious about the quality of the hangout- I will have a good time if I am open, honest, and in the present moment. everything below is written 3 hours later So, I just had a major burst of social anxiety following a slightly awkward first convo with a person (they're so coool, but not I'm anxious that I've ruined the whole thing lol). I proceeded to spend ~20 minutes on news sites, scrolling through (not aimlessly, at least- I learned some stuff) intstead of addressing my anxieties. Afterwards, I made the efforts to lessen my anxiety and journaled about it here and physically. Self-Assessment Analysis It's been two months since I've made my own wellbeing tracker on Google Sheets + Notion, and I wanted to sit back and sort through! The general framework is: every week, I quantify each area of self-assessment based on the comparison to the previos week- better, worse, or the same. I will usually move the tracker by only one digit (+/- 1) unless there was a significant change. A couple trends are fascinating: Weakest Qualities: the orange and bottom yellow lines are the lowest, but fluctuate quite a lot. Those are my evaluations of physical activity and proper resting (i.e. focusing fully on myself rather than using an external means like social media to lessen stress). There has been an inconsistent but incremental improvement across both; next week, I'll attempt to further stabilize these two. Strongest Qualities: Time (top yellow) and Stress Management (purple) have overall been great, but that's old news. It feels good to be managing my stress better, but I know that I can still do significantly better than that. Most Consistent: Continuos Learning (red) and Stress Management (purple) have not seen much fluctuation. I wish to improve my ability to learn new interesting concepts every week, but I am very happy with where I am today compared to just a couple months ago; my ability to take notes and remember info has improved a ton 🙂 Most Improved: It seems that balancing rest and work (grey) has had the most steady improvement. A few other areas have had bigger leaps upwards, but only to be followed by a decrease. And, the gut tells me that when thinking two months back, I had much more trouble resting up when needed and didn't have the healthiest practices in general. Interesting Patterns: The most fascinating week was that on Feb 14th- it's funny how some areas dipped down while others sprung upwards. Specificallt, those that stayed up had to do more with self-care and rejuvination- Rest, Priotitizing Relationships, and Sleep, and those that dipped where of the productivity and efficiency. It's funny that I remember that week as the "worst" in my term, when in fact I was simply trying to re-balance my resting and working skills/habits (my overall score dipped, but not to the lowest, by far). Wish I made this observation sooner! Overall, there are definitely qualities that are mutually exclusive- if some of them improve, the others are compromised. The larger goal for next two months is to learn to balance all of these areas together rather than have them clash with each other. All are a part of a whole, and all are capable of working together! I have more thoughts to share, but I think I'll just journal physically... Hope you found some of this helpful/inspiring! Thank you for reading ❤️ Po

Hi! Also great to hear again from you, glad that all the things you've chosen to abstain from in your life seem to have a positive effect on you! That does put some reassurance into my own decisions- I was just thinking of quitting social media entirely today 😮 Thank you! Po

That's quite interesting! For me,there is a strong disdain for multiplayer games because of how addictive, time-consuming, and often toxic they are. Going back into MMOs would bring me so much stress and anxiety (and sure there are benefits but they're miniscule) that I never even think about it. I'm really not sure how I got to this mindset though- I used to love MMOs and played them almost exclusively. Perhaps it's the growing appreciation of single-player game experiences, and learning more about all the problems and issues of the larger game companies, as well as journaling a lot on why MMOs are just bad for me.