Amphibian220

Rock solid. This is the kind of activity I can dedicate years to provided i can iterate it and have measurable (or perceivable) goals. It remains exciting in perpetuity so long as there is a crowd around this thing and somebody is challenging me to get better. It was the tv set. I only watched the tv to get tips on skills. When i could do it, i went skiing from lunch until darkness three times per week. I would travel an hour to and an hour back from the ski slope. The thing took the whole day and good riddance to the computer! I stopped due to a number of reasons (mainly health and finances). a sport obsession has all these facets: 1. people start to recognize you, maybe on tv too. 2. you take part in competitions after a while, 3. you are woken up in the morning by your skiing competitors who are also friends, to do the next thing. 4. your future wife is met through the sport, 5. you look to buying the next best equipment, 6. you become a sponsor for the brand. This thing ran for me in perpetuity like a snowball. So long as it continued, nothing else mattered. The loser in the mind was getting less and less vocal. But my mind demanded to see better results, that meant that my investment was paying off. Who programmed me this way? A sports channel that convinced me that athletes are happy and resilient people. I had the mad smile on my face when i knew i was going for my next slope.

I am free of video games and action films. In the past, i’d replay first person shooters and strategies in my head as a way to spend free time. The habit was obsessive. I could spend 20 minutes to 2 hours going over my plays (tournament wins) in my head. The memories generated lesser excitement than the actual playing of video games. Right now, 4 years clean, i don't simulate games in my head anymore. But intermittently my mind wanders on to trauma (an episode where i lost my job, got abused like a target of opportunity by a person who detected my weak character, stayed unemployed for a good 6 years after that). Because I'm so tired of resisting the fear, i just recollect the pain nowadays to help it pass away. The recollection pinned me down and i cannot get up myself, need someone else to help. the ghost pain is relentless. There was a time when i hopelessly stumbled on a sci fi novel Solaris, where three astronauts are stranded on an unusual planet that generates their worst memories in the form of physical persons from their past. The generated “ghosts” are autonomous, domt know that they are projections. They possess actual traits of the persons from the astronauts’ past. The ghosts cause pain to the astronauts at first, and killing them is impossible. Eventually, the astronauts team up to have the ghosts studied and a weapon is created to destroy them. One of the astronauts starts to doubt whether he wants his ghost from the past destroyed because he has built up a new friendly relationship with her. like i used to recollect playthroughs, i recollect pain. This ghost has to go.

Reading your posts, i feel like you should continue working to reduce online entertainment and develop skills for your character that you’ve identified. If we make a protest about internet entertainment and video games, we are going to feel a lot better. Protesting predatory entertainment will give meaning to our cause and aid recovery.

Welcome back. In these instances, do you ever get to choose between your favorite sport and the video game? What do you choose in that case? As an amateur skier, do you get better year on year? Is your sport a social activity with competition elements?

I will read these books on perfectionism listed here. I will try to take out fears one by one to feel free again. I just have to fight back and show improvement on a monthly basis. Thank you for your response. Some of the things i wrote may sound strange, but taunts do play a beneficial role. Good natured Taunts made me overcome fear on many occasions in my younger years. Anything of value requires you to fight fear, greed, laziness. I refuse to accept anyone is lost. If you made progress today (ignoring the negativity) you have done yourself good.

Is this even resolvable? Ever? I am 4 years into the detox, but a certain method is slowly killing all enjoyment and peace. I only have got worries left. And now it’s not actual situations that give me grief but the worries and recollections themselves. i used to be the happiest in times of celebration. But now, the fear has grown so out of proportion, that it is there in the background, im largely acting out happy to prevent others from seeing how ridiculous it got. My mind is a stupendous riddle for how it is inflicting torture. It has affected sleep. And i cannot run away from myself. Every facet of it has become so banal. I think i have employed self reflection as a therapy, but, 4 years on, i have grown absolutely indifferent to people in general. I skip through what they say. I mean i listen to them, but i know what they are going to say. I don't give importance to how i am dressed or how i present myself. I am not rude, and i don't dress badly, just do the bare minimum. I want to try sky diving or anything of that kind to break out from that madness even if for a minute. I am not talking about it, i actually don't have anything to lose by jumping from an airplane with a parachute in my back pack. I no longer care about attractive women out of fear. I don't have that healthy response from teens of acting honestly polite and showing good faith effort to them. I show just the basic recognition, but i’ve got no attraction at all. The fear is so strong. I got back to reading kids horror stories from my childhood. Some of these stories depict fantastic situations that a kid encounters, like switching bodies with an animal, and the mental torture and depression that ensues. The torture is well delivered. It’s strangely awakening reading these stories. The authors i read, for some reason made the main character as always the loser, always the guy who is going to get hunted and hurt. I remember wanting to get that story where the main character is the winner and comes to somebody’s aid, but no. The main character just manages to get out of trouble and save somebody, by the skin of his teeth. The authors i read chose this premise, and the kids at my school did hunt me but they were merciful. They were, i remember how they showed a certain care for me when they attacked me. I couldn't eat food from how stressed i felt, but i felt a relief from survival mechanisms activating. The tears felt good, the fear of a fight gave the shivers, but after the fight i got a certain pass from them and recognition, even if i got hurt and hid it from my parents. Those abusers were like oxygen after a while. They gave me the most human years of my life. It’s far worse when nobody is attacking you and your survival instinct has been brought to naught. Then when you do get attacked, the body cant function properly in survival mode anymore. So it just breaks you. The people in adult life cannot offer that mercy and care anymore. Not because they are worse than the kids at school, (they may be far more violent, i believe grown ups have capacity to be far more damaging), but it is that i created something from years of social media and video gaming. That isolation did it. I checked up if any authors wrote about a poison that fools a young kid about thinking that the monsters are his friends and they did. Its just that the real life poison is so rotten and multifaceted, you don't get rid pf it by just throwing away the games.

The video game is wrong. People on this forum came on here to end self deception. What seems attractive and tempting will destroy. Things such as cleaning up the room, putting clothes in order, helping the elderly neighbor, looking after the hygiene, doing volunteering, helping somebody will save you.

Still treat work as a game and have thinking patterns related to winning at games. i feel totally exasperated because i approach days, trying to create game elements in different interactions. Perceiving certain people as hostile when they are not, worrying over stuff that carries no value. i see resistance or challenge in things that are intrinsically benign. Creating this mental world from childhood enabled an internal world, isolating from communication and brotherhood. Looking to talk to people more to keep myself grounded and strong.

Two things that happened alongside demoralized me. I mastered work assignments to a level so that i can complete them without focusing. My new manager cannot manage his team and defers to social media circulars. Complete absence of accountability and planning sent my mind into recollection of trauma. i increased daily time spent on watching films too. I need a degree of management and new learning, a degree of oversight by a strict team to be satisfied. Otherwise i just switch off and grow indifferent.

Always welcome. Your attempt depends on help and support from trusted friends and family, not only internet resources. The more you communicate and ask for help, plan and look after your needs. the sooner the recovery will come.

welcome to game quitters. I prefer to go cold turkey on all electronic entertainment for 90 days just to reawaken and see what you want in life. it will be very emotional, and one of the happiest times in your life. You will learn what the younger happier you wants in life. You can read some journals to see examples of cross addictions. Cross addictions are ways former gamers continue getting fixes from films and less stimulating games. electronic entertainment is built on pillars of illusions. One of them is completion or progression- you are being misled that you are progressing in something. The Second is the illusion of a community, being part of a group. The connections are illusory, you do not have goodwill, loyalty or support of the people in actual life, because the common interest is a harmful one. the third is the illusion of continuity. When a game is completed, the next game is created by game developers to keep gamers interested. Gamers keep playing iterations of the same game for years. the main illusion is the illusion of achievement.

7 principles of highly effective people

Video Games throughout adolescence were a way to experience risk and thrills. I have gone off games completely for many years. But, when I choose what I want to do with my time, it is always sport competitions that can be traumatic such as football or rock climbing. At one point I selected a highly competitive football league where I took a hard fall. The mental trauma from the injury lingered for a year. I don't know why, I noticed other mates don't get the mental fatigue that I do. I now realize I need work or sport with risks but I overreact to failure. According to the psychological field, will selection of real life risk lead to a recovery or a worsening of the mental state? If @Cam Adair can refer to information on this point I’d be very glad.

Day 13 it would be unfair to say without adding that this goes hand in hand with trying to please everyone, imitating others people’s point of view and fearing conflicts and disagreements a lot. The more nice and complicit I act out, the more hate and cynicism builds up within. There were times when I told people what I thought of them, and felt free, but it was far too little. A big part of my past is trying to fit in, being noticed for it and bullied.

Don't give in. Get a few things out of the way each day. I divide that into healthy eating, healthy communication (can be a kind exchange with a neighbour), getting clothes in order and light exercise. If you break a sweat each day from moderate exercise these thoughts will terminate. I have to push myself to do something new each day to terminate doubts in my head.

day 12 My mind short circuits from lack of planning or targeted action. It switches to remorse over old time failures. During school years i played the same maps in the strategy game genre and this was combined with competition anxiety. So the mind was trained to repetitively enter a state of anxiety. I treat work like a video game in that i try to work against time pressure. That is the sole driving factor. Danger and risk of loss mobilize my strength. But this is an unreliable defeatist attitude. People dont wait for time pressure but rather complete work with enough breaks in between. If i leave work and dont do something, the mind can go into a pitfall of worrying over meaningless things or recollecting trauma. The thinking stops if i speak to someone or do something.

Day 9 and there is more clarity., im feeling better from my workouts.

Day 8 of no social networks, mandatory communication and healthy eating.

Day 6 no social networks, mandatory communication, healthy eating. Some of the problems have abated. Im trying to find ways to improve my discipline. That includes strict rules as to sleeping, resting, revising uni materials and working out at the gym, i paid a hefty price for my gym membership and I can’t let that go to waste.

Yes it does count. Self centered business people prefer keeping their business small and managed themselves rather than allow partners in who can disagree with them. I knew a businessman that personally checked the work of his employees to be sure its of high standard. Self centered people don't like compromises and shared decision making. The author of this book says principles centre is the hardest centre to have, but the best one. People that are heavily grounded in work, but then lose it due to circumstances outside their control can become negative he claims. The principles centre does not allow any one thing (like games, work or spouse) to become too big a part of you.

Day 4 No social networks, exercise, mandatory communication, healthy eating. Feeling somewhat better, I read a book yesterday to pass my time.

Where do you feel most of your self worth comes from, or what pushes you the most and drives discipline? entertainment centered spouse centred family centered work centered money centered (different from work centred) friend/enemy centred, self centred (catering for oneself, being ingenious in finding solutions without asking for outside help) principle centred There is going to be a spread, maybe like 50 per cent in one and 50 percent in the other. When i encounter difficulties at work, i revert to entertainment (like playing sports) to experience success.

Focus lock app, Block site app, Cold turkey, other similar apps. Haven’t tried them but members here commented on them being useful if discipline has eroded completely. Another great investment is trading in the smart phone and buying a calls only phone (old generation button phones with no touch screen). Without a plan for recovery, termination of electronic media alone can result in passivity with no improvement in discipline. So a recovery plan reviewed on a monthly basis is paramount.

Job well done! Does that 365 days also include a changed attitude to not watching it anymore?

Day 3 of no social networks Day 7 of healthy pre planned meals Day 4 of exercise Yesterday I was resisting anxiety about the job, my current physical state, and memories of abusers on the old job. I waded through it with the help of prayer. What helps best in switching off the mind? One of the things i discovered is counting things with a purpose, like counting numbers of throws or exercise reps. My learning ability has been undercut by a job that offered no growth for some time. Im trying to introduce learning today.