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Everything posted by Alexanderle

  1. @BooksandTrees I like your idea of exercise and cleaner eating. And I also think that one thing leads to another thing and can pull you down into the "darkness". But the fact that you cooked that omelet and meal prepped is already a good sign. Forget that thing with the dopanien crash though. There is a lot of rumors and myths surrounding dopamine. Regarding porn, it really is getting worse regarding, what one can watch. I have been at a point, where I did not watched it for weeeks, but lately, I have been struggling with it again. Tough to say why. Guess I have to keep experimenting with that. Maybe, I will finally also reach this point, where it becomes boring. I am pretty sure, I reached that point with games many months ago already. Right now, it really is disgusting. 😕
  2. @ceponatia was starting a thread in the forum on this very issue. So I think many people, including me feel that way. So what is enough? When I think of my exams. I try to read the articles, I am supposed to read before each lecture, I attend the lecture and then I sit for like one hour after the lecture and try to summarize everything and create flash cards. Is that enough? I think that in order to pass the exam and to even have a good grade, it is more than enough. But despite all the things I did, just in this very moment, I have this nagging feeling that it is not enough. And I have learned even in times, where I worked super hard, I always felt that it is not enough. I kinda always feel that way. I don't know that. This is, what you should figure out for yourself. Maybe it is fine to do a little bit less and use the energy on other areas. Or you feel that personally for you, it is very important to put even more energy in your work. That is also fine. This is always the usual quest: Should my life be about balance, where I address everything equally or do I have preferences and maybe to become very very good in certain areas. Like people, who become so obsessed with their health (maybe me) that they put more than enough discipline in this topic or other people, who like their work so much that they intend to climb the career latter. There is no right or wrong. It has to do with what we want our lifes to be.
  3. Same thing for me man. I don't what something weird again just for the sake of having something.
  4. Alright man, I am not an expert, when it comes to businesses. I am only studying right now. You also have to organise, work hard and you never feel that you are doing enough. That seems to be part of the equation, especially for people like you and me, who seem to be a bit of perfectionists. Not sure, if that is the case for you, but it is for me. So it my not seem like a win right now, but I think it is good that you are starting to be aware of why you are stuck, to analyse, what the cause of the problem is etc. This sounds like an issue, a head to deal with for quite some time. You work hard, you do a thousand things at the same time, but none of them you do right. Seems like a goldmine for me to ponder more on that idea. Good luck with that process! Maybe this corona holiday period is a good time to figure out some things like that. For me, this is also a test in several areas. Let's see, where it leads us to.
  5. @Amphibian220 I do understand what you mean. I mean, we are talking about parents, they know, how to annoy us. They know, how to love us as well. So just keep going, I am sure, it is going to be fine eventually and you figure this out. This is, what I am talking about. Sure, we can detect underlying connections or thoughts and understand, why certain things work or don't work. But the idea of an automatic subconscious... that is just not true. Sure, there is a certain kind of subconscious like what your nerves do, processes in your brain etc. which you just can't detect. Also certain patterns, which were learned over the course of your life. But the idea of Sigmund Freud about this unconscious mind, which controls your behavior and hides your sexual desires, that is long overdue. Don't fall into the trap to blame some hypothetical internal force inside of you that controls you. There is only one person in charge and that is you! No one else is to blame. Not your subconscious, not your mother. So increase those reps. It if is boring that is is kinda pointless to even do it. And throw unhealthy food in the garbage, where it belongs. Take care of yourself. You are the only thing that matters. Treat yourself as best as possible. you deserve it. 🙂
  6. @BooksandTrees I also relapsed on pornography yesterday. And I also would like a female companion. Who wouldn't. For me the isolation is also annoying, since I just started to have plans to leave the house more. I am thinking about joining some dance class and a sports association. And I can't even watch nba games. Super annoying. I suggest however that you look from the positive side: You can focus on yourself. The thinks you do, you should not do, because you kinda have to. They should give you something. Something good. It could be fun, sports or some work. And here is some perspective regarding the woman companion. I was in a relationship a couple of years back and we then hung out for weeks at her place. Guess what, at some point, I was starting to become annoyed because of the absence of freedom and less space I had. So overall, not everyone with a female companion is necessarily more happy in this crysis. Take care and don't loose your head. I am also sleeping longer then usual now. So what? I give you a nice little bro fist. Similar to a hug. You can do it!
  7. What do you mean by "incorrect mental conditioning" If it was not conscious, you would not be able to experience it with your mind. Right now, it seems a bit, like you feel not under control. I really don't think you should tell yourself that everything is going to be alright. I think you should prove to yourself with your actions that everything is fine right now. There are no bullies right now looking at you, wanting you to fail. They are a product of your head. You can make this voice to should up and start doing something that creates happiness in you. Working out, doing something after which you feel good... whatever. Even if you would fail, why would failing be a problem?
  8. @Ikar you are one smart dude my man. I really agree with everything you said. Regarding the gym motivation, I think it is more than just impressing others. The feeling of accomplishing something. Fighting through a workout. The fun I have, while doing it. The look in the mirror. The energy level. All these things are so rewarding, I guess I would still do it with a girl on my site. And what you said that trying to blend the girl with an image of you, which is not real, will never work. So in the end, a motivation that has many different aspects is something that keeps us going. Gaming has many of these motivational aspects as well: Social, rewards, fun, gratification, adrenalin etc. Guess that makes it so hard to resist. ^^
  9. This is an interesting thing, since I struggle with a similar situation. Some hobbies like language learning or drawing are not as appealing right now. I have this goal to do them daily, but it sometimes feels more like work. Like an obligation. If that is the case, it is not really a hobby. I think that the important thing to consider is the "why". That we have a strong reason, why we do it. Could be just fun, helping us to forget something or giving us fulfillment. I am fine with working out, since I feel a lot better and it gives me some purpose. It is not like gaming, where I get overwhelmed with stimulation, it is just something that highly fulfills me. Maybe it helps to ask, why we do certain things. If we only do it for reasons to impress others or something like that, it might be not enough. But I am still working on that. I just started the process to realize certain things.
  10. Some time ago, I made a list of goals, with everything I wanted to do. The interesting thing is that after doing that, I was not more efficient or more motivated. I just realized minutes ago that ever since that moment I am struggling a bit. This is interesting, because I was expecting to function even better. I was hearing it in a video that I should make this list with all my goals, what I would like to do. I even set dates, when I wanted to have something achieved. I came to realize that this is bullshit. The only thing it creates, is tension, because you are really trying, not do fail and put pressure on yourself. When I look back at my diet, I never did something like that. I never did something like: "In three months I have lost x pounds of fat". Never! Instead, I just did good stuff and results came. I also never paid attention to something like: "I will not game for 30 days". It just happened, because I focused on something else instead. So why trying it right now for painting and language learning for example? That does not make sense; it actually took the fun away a bit. So, I deleted the list and started to do some research. This article in particular is really interesting regarding goal setting, having a different perspectives that most coaches that goal setting can hurt you. Here it is: https://breakingmuscle.com/fitness/why-successful-people-dont-set-goals-and-you-shouldnt-either What I think is so interesting is that most successful people according to the author don't set goals. The reason: "Defining goals defines your limitations." Especially for stuff like diet or gaming, a long term goal can be tough as a motivation. So the article also pointed out that a why is crucial. Why am I doing it? Realistically, I want to learn to draw, because I like to show other people my skill with it. I am not really doing it for myself. I am also learning those languages in order to connect better with other people and try to impress them. So, while this is not a negative thing and quite comparable with my motivations for weight loss (impress women etc.) that particular motivation was way deeper. For instance, I lost weight to feel better, I did it to get confident, I did it to like myself, to look in the mirror and enjoy, what I see. I did it to get momentum, which turned out to be the best decision of my life. So even though I don't like to admit it: Doing something like painting or language learning just to impress people is not enough. Having goals and clear "how to do"- plans are also not enough. A good "why" is the most important thing. Ever since I focused too much on goalsetting, I made the situation a lot worse for myself. I mean, all this talk about the process and identity, yet I made a goal list. xD The article does not say that goals are a bad thing per se. But there is a difference between a goal that creates pressure and points out possible limitations (the goal of 30 pushups might make to feel good, even though you could still do 10 more) and continous improvement. This is the important point of the article: The Japanese have a term for that: Kaizen. So I will stop now setting unrealistic goals to become a master painter in one month or learn a language in half a year. Instead I just have the goal to keep improving. And I have to focus more on the "why". This is, where the change really starts. Maybe, I can also relate this to my social life? What is it that I really want? Why do I want it? So something to ponder for the next days. This is about finding activities, which have a meaning to be. Just doing something, which involves other people is not enough. I need a strong "why". Otherwise, I will not leave the house. Ofc, right now there is a big reason to not leave the house as much. But, this will not be the case for ever. Lastly a little quote from on of the articles, which really nails it: "In fitness, the parallel is those that are running towards something versus those that are running from something. The former has a 'why,' the latter is just looking for a way out." (https://breakingmuscle.com/fitness/how-to-is-pointless-without-why)
  11. Hey @Erik2.0 you are already like ten steps ahead of most people. I think that overall having too much calories is the main reason for stagnation. So I would say: Just continue, what you are doing. Focus on the stuff that is good for you: Vegetables, good meat, eggs and whatever. I am barely eating any bread, but when it comes down to carbohydrate sources there are obviously differences. I am always trying, when I have a desire for that stuff to go towards better alternatives. But if you just keep going and are working out, you will reach your goal. I mean, it took me a couple of months to get there. It was very helpful to never set a fixed point in time, where I wanted to have something achived. Just keep going and you will get there. It is really about who you think you are, your mindset etc. Regarding working out: I invested in a gym chair and adjustable dumbbells, so I can always get a nice workout done. I would also like to have a pullbar, but I am worried to break my appartment, so I avoid that. xD But besides that, you can always get a nice workout in without any stuff. I especially love the strong by zumba workouts, because those music synced workouts are just fun! Nothing comparable with zumba, really good stuff! You should check it out. The channel "popsugar fitness" has a couple of them. I sometimes don't really bother that much about the specific workout, what to do etc. I just do what I feel like. I don't try to win a bodybuilding contest, I just want to look good and lean. I think a slightly visible sixpack is already perfect. Those bodybuilding monkeys are ridiculous. ^^ When I am not feeling well for weights, I do one of those workouts. There are literally thousands of them in the internet. I also go to them in real life at campus, but that is not an option right now. Just keep moving and have fun. And it really does not matter, whether you reach your goal to be lean next week or next year. I am paying more attention to do it all in a fashion that I will be able to still do it in 30 years. Long time investment.
  12. Interesting. Yeah I am also thinking about my identity now, which is very focused on university and sports, but I am just trying to look out for social opportunities. Parties are something that I am not interested in. I also feel that I just can't connect with certain people. Those people playing D and D might be people, I would connect with. It is just important that it is happening in real life, since this whole problematic like porn, social media, gaming can all be summarized as some kind of screen addiction. It all starts with that damn screen. ^^ Keep going with that. I was often fantasizing with that, but it is a lot of hard work. Especially writing dialogues has always been a struggle for me. so I was never invested enough to actually learn to get better at it. But more fantasy is always good. 😄
  13. So, what is going on in my life. Not really much to say. Attending lectures is going alright. The more I do it, the less anxiety I feel. It really is like Jordan Peterson said in a lecture: It is not that the situation becomes less "dangerous" it is you becoming stronger. I am now at this point, where I am not avoiding this shit anymore. I become stronger. And I will continue to become stronger. I had a recent struggle with procrastination, but that is something, I am always able to overcome eventually. The feeling in my stomach to keep rolling is so much stronger. I am usually far ahead of my "competition". Not very motivated to do duolingo right now, but I am watching series in Dutch that is also helping. My biggest improvements are in regards to my fitness: I am getting so much stronger. My whole diet is now focused on getting good stuff in my stomach. GIve me one more year and I will be a considerable beast. This makes me so proud. I could do sport every single day. Just my image in the mirror in the evening is, what gives me my confidence. And I am continue to feed my mental strength with it. I am able to also use the power for other areas in my life, so I can be happy with that. Yeah, Corona sucks a bit. Makes it harder for me to get participants for my bachelor thesis. I hope, this is not causing serious issues in the next months. Have to discuss this with my supervisor. That would be all. Not many news. Therefore, no need for me to right every single day in this journey. But I feel that the next couple of months will be an important turning point in my life. The feeling in my stomach to keep going is getting stronger and stronger. Something like: "Come on man, let's keep going. Don't stay, were you are." So I won't.
  14. Do you consider it a negative thing to play something like D and D with friends? I was lately thinking that his might be a fun activity for me to do, maybe to meet some new people. Of course in real life. But unfortunately, I did not have an opportunity like that so far. I don't know anyone playing these roleplaying games. ^^ Man, I will probably watch that video. I can so relate to that. Especially facebook made me feel so miserable. Good decision.
  15. @Erik2.0 Here is the thing: Ask one person, what the best diet is and her answer will completely differ of the answer of another person. I have this idea that if something works for me that is fine. If something else works for you: Perfect. So saying this, this is my diet: No sweets, no sweet drinks like cola, barely any alcohol, almost no junk food, not a lot of bread. The idea to skip most of the sugar was kinda easy for me, because I adopted an identity of a gym rat, a bodybuilder mentality. I actually like it. It turned my weakness, which was sugar, into a strength. No, if people ask me, how I can survive without any sweets, I feel like a superhuman being. ^^ I also focus on proteins a lot, healthy vegetables and fruits. In the mourning, I mostly eat some oat meal with water or milk and some fruits like apples or banana as well as some spices. Works perfect for me. ^^ At first, I was also experimenting with low carb a bit, but I still consume them now. Will this work for you? I don't know. Experiment a bit. But here is my take. Skipping sugar like Cola or sweets will make you loose fat with ease. No question. More things, what you could do: Drink a big glass of water before every meal. Eat a ton of vegetables. Think about a burger and some vegetables like tomatoes, pepper or cucumber: How much can you eat of those to have the same amount of calories from a regular burger? I promise you, you won't be able to eat it. Do this for every meal and you won't have any desire for more food. xD The most important thing is your mindset: What do you want to achive? Who do you want to become? I wanted to become ripped so desperately that this goal is so much stronger than the short term gratification of sweets. I am also thinking long term. I don't want to eat stuff like ice cream ever again. Looking in the mirror and enjoying the results is so much more important for me. So in the end, try out, what works for you. Maybe it is something entirely else. But have your goals straight. Usually, the idea to eat a bit less of something and after loosing wait continuing with your old ways barely works.
  16. I agree with @James Good to the most degree. Especially the United States are not in a good condition to fight something like that. Someone like Donald Trump is certainly not helping the situation ^^. The problem is that in the end, we don't really know, how it is going to develop the next couple of weeks. I am concerned reagarding my Bachelor thesis, because I think, it will become a lot harder to gather participants now. ^^ But in the end, something like that is not as important as to take care that the healthcare system in any country is not entirely collapsing, not only in regard to help corona patients, but basically to help all the other patients. Regarding the difference of mentalitiy of Asia and America that is not really a surprise, as western countries are said to be individualistic societies, while eastern countries have a collectivistic mentality. Learned this in my studies.
  17. Books is right. This man really has some interesting things to say. I never read his book, only some of his blog things, but I kinda was already applying his ideas, before I even knew, he existed. So can definitely be helpful to consider the idea of identity based habits. 🙂 same thing for me. Also my diet changes had incredible effects on my confidence in my own abilities.
  18. I recently had a relapse in porn. Now I am not really watching it again since quite some time. I am not really counting. But if there is one thing that I know regarding this journey: You have good times and bad times. The bad times are actually not that bad as people often think. A relapse just means that you fell, but now you can step up again. The only difference regarding the impact, whether yesterday was a good or a bad day, is that the good day gives you momentum. The bad day steals a bit. So your job is, to cultivate more of that momentum. It is not important, what happens over only one day, but over a big span of days. Eating bad once is alright, eating bad for a month is bad. Eating good for 30 days than having one bad day and then another 30 good days is excellent. 🙂
  19. Very good man. In the end, it is about experimenting and trying out, what works best for you. 🙂
  20. It is good that you hate it. But don't forget to focus on something else, you love. Those forces together can be very powerful.
  21. I mean that gut feeling is nothing negative really, is it? Regarding that you cannot remember, what you are learning: How are you learning?
  22. What about a schedule? I think they can be incredibly useful. Not a strict one, where you define every hour of your day, but at list of things to do. And then you can check 1. how much of it you get done. If it is 50 percent at first that is a great start, so you can slowly build it up. Like progressive overload in the gym. The next day aim for 51 percent or whatever. And 2. you can see, how much accomplishment you get out of it. If you feel that it is not enough, aim for more. With this you make it measurable. but for me personally. I just know that I did enough, when this weird feeling in my stomack vanishes. Tough to explain. I was always more spontaneous in that regard. With positive and negative consequences. xD
  23. Man, this sounds awesome. You seem to make good progress. And don't worry about the youtube cravings. I think everyone to some degree gets influenced by that. I mean, those algorithms are specifically designed to activate this binge watch mode inside of us. What I am right now doing, is to make differentiations between videos. When youtube recommends stuff to me, which I consider not meaningful, I am immediately blocking it, so that I won't get more recommendations from that particular channel again. Every time, youtube decides, what I might like, I therefore start blocking stuff. It gives me a feeling of control. That I am in charge, when I want to watch something or not. Maybe you have a different strategy. Regarding your twitch account. Are you not considering to delete this one as well or are there other areas besides gaming, which are of interest to you, like art stuff etc? For me, it was helpful to put twitch in the same category like gaming/steam etc. and never opened it since.
  24. Man you are making really good progress. Keep going. 🙂
  25. So let me tell this: It is quite a complicated thing. There are many ideas and opinions and we don't know the truth for certain. So, so aspects are my opinion. Therefore, I will not diehard defend everything I say or try to win the debate. The only thing, I care, is that you and I are successful and reach our goals. I have been in many shitty situations before. Don't want to go there again. But there are some things, I would like to ponder/share or maybe discuss. Maybe this can be also meaningful to you. Maybe I also learn something from you. And sorry that it is so much. I won't spam more after this. I promise. ^^ It all starts and end with you and who you believe, you are. What happens, when you consider to be a couch potato? You will do certain things and will also won't do other things. You will sit in front of the Tv a lot, maybe binge watch series regularly and eat chips and garbage on your couch. You won't do a lot of sports and don't go out often. This is of course just one example. Not every "couch potato" will be like that. But lets roll with that. No what is the perception of this person regarding sport? Maybe the person knows that it is good for him or her, but is not committed to do it. Now what about a bodybuilder? He won't chill on his couch a lot, go to the gym almost daily and eat clean. Once again, an extreme example. But what is the difference between the two? It is their identity, what they think, who they are and what there perspective of life is. What is the cause of those identities? Or to rephrase: Could a couch potato become a body builder? Absolutely! Why I believe that? Because that is me. I was a diehard gamer and couch potato before. But I completely changed my identities regarding that. Good clean eating, muscles and all that stuff have become very important to me. All those years before, where I was just a couch potato desperately trying to loose weight and to look good. It is hard to have success like that. But once, I developed a new identity of a gym freak and clean eater, not eating sweets is the easiest thing for me to do. Working out is fun for me. Does that mean that I am always motivated to go out and do sport? Ofc not. But this underlying passion just keeps me going. Talking about your main problem: Procrastination. Right now, you are a procrastinator. This is your identity. Now you can try to force yourself to work, but you can also change your inner perspective towards work. You can become a hard worker. A non procrastinator. However you want to name it. Similarly, your goal regarding games should not be, to not play video games any longer, your goal should be to become a non-gamer. The difference is insane. Let's take your example of a person living alone and a parent. Who says that the father will have more negative effects from procrastination than a person, who lives alone? Sure, kids and stuff. But we perfectly know that there are also parents, who don't give a damn about that. They still play computer gamers and only do the most important stuff or even neglect their kid. Ofc the question is: Should they do it? Hell no. But I do know that even if you live alone, the consequences of procrastination can be severe. At the end of the day, it is not about the circumstances or your environment, but once again your identity. If you are trying to be a good father than you will have a different perspective towards procrastination than if you don't give a damn. Or if you life alone, but consider yourself to be a workaholic. This changes your perspective, regardless of your family situation. Last thing, I want to look at: I never talked about motivation. I think that the idea of motivation is completely overrated. You can have motivation in the evening, but the next moring you are tired as fuck. It is not motivation that will get you out of bed, on your desk to beat procrastination or in the gym. It is your identity, what you belive, what you consider meaningful or what your goals are. And once again, if your studies are not meaningful and the idea of later being a doctor is not something fulfilling inside of your heart than you will have a tough time motivating yourself to get the job done. But once again, I never belive in motivation. I like the concept of momentum a lot more. But that is a different topic and I already was writing way to much. Take care man and good luck on your journey. 🙂
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