Alexanderle

First of all: I still don't see the problem with nofap as long as it is not porn. This is a normal desire, which is the main reason, why we reproduce and therefore survive as humanity. So avoiding it does not seem logical to me. Instead, you should enjoy and embrace it. Now porn again is a different animal. It is a monster that needs to be avoided at all cost, since it can fuck up your expectations, your brain and your libido, which creates a vicious cycle. Regarding jobs, I had several of them before and was trying out quite a bit. And I always learned something. Even if it is just this: I don't want to do this ever again. I had some of these jobs. One job probably produced the most horrific week in my entire life. So what? To the next one. You will find an enjoyable job eventually. I am sure. And please stop this universe stuff that it refuses you to have a girlfriend. For people like you and me, it is that we have never learned to behave in settings with people of our age. We don't know, how to do good small talk, hate this awkward silence and are nervous in social settings. Ofc stuff like hygene, being overweight etc. also can play a role. But guess what: It is a skill. The other people, who just have not wasted their time gaiming a lot, they have a headstart and learned the stuff years ago, what we are still missing. So working on that should be the priority. I am doing a course about this right now. Let's see, if it helps.

Kinda annoying I have to say. I did pretty much most of what I have planned, but I guess right now I have the flu. This really holds me back quite a bit. Instead of going out and trying to accomodate to other people, I have to sit and lay at home. So annoying! Guess, I will at some point, when I feel a bit better try to focus on university stuff. But health first.

Everything university related should be done for know. Now I basically have more than one week off. This will be a tough challenge. I basically have nothing to do and social contacts are not "generated" through university classes. So I need to find my own ways to generate them. Haven't seen the woman yet and I am not trying to stress myself about it. Either there is something going the next couple of days or I might end it. Will be a tough on,e, but we'll see what happens. This is about my personal feelings. So I have basically two things to accomplish the next week. First the social aspect. I need like a social plan of activities to keep me busy and going as much as possible. Tomorrow, I will join a fitness class (will read something about it in the gamequitters emergency section) and will go to the sauna afterwards. This will already get me going for a couple of hours. Another plan would also be to go into the library a bit, but this is optional. Over the weekend, I will work each day, so this will bring me a bit outside. For the time, where I am working, I have to expose myself to a bit small talk. Trying to have a little conversation here and then. Even, if it is just a little bit. The next week, I have not planned yet. But I will not rot around in my house and wait for bad mood or old cravings to come back. Secondly, I will start reading stuff for me next module. I should be able to be done during the next week. So this will surely give me a headstart. Maybe, I find additional energy to learn a bit dutch or read something else. So here we go again, rising early, brawling hard. 😄

The day yesterday was incredibily buy and hectic. But I accomplished quite a lot and it was super hard work straight from the morning to the evening. Today I received some grades and they are very good. So the hard work the last couple of weeks really payed off. Basically, I do not need to write the exams tomorrow and I think I won't even though I said that I will. I just don't see the point. The only reason would be that I really fucked up the one missing exam, but I highly doubt it. So that should be alright. Today was very weird and I almost saw myself loosing it. Because of the grades and that everything is done, I had nothing to do in the afternoon, so I watched some basketball and sleep a bit. The woman, I am "dating" right now was not really answering per whatsapp, which really annoyed me and like immediately the jealousy and bad mood switch was activated. While I was laying there on the couch, I actually for a moment felt some emptiness inside. She replied already to be stressed out right now and I just belive her I guess. But for this short moment I briefly thought about gaming. Not in terms of relapsing, but it was more like all of my outer layers, habits and current attitudes were washed away and below down there was this little monster waiting to get out. What to do in this moment? Do something! Really do something! Not passively watching tv or game. Nothing consumerismic (is that a word XD). But something active. I will workout later. I ordered a birthday gift for a friend and now I will apply for this yoga course in university. And then I will start working for that next module. I still have many weeks for that, but like they say in germany: The early bird catches the worm. I will not go back to where I started. Even if I loose everything.

Ok, I managed to stay up at 5. So challenge completed. No I just have to see, what happens today. I am motivated and willing to work.

@seriousjay it was the game changer for me. Like literally. Without that I would still be in a miserable place. Good to hear that you also got better.

I think there is only two ways to become a millionaire: Either you are born as one or you have to offer a service, for what people are willing to pay. And you don't need bullshit videos on youtube telling you how to do it. It is all about, what you can give you the community. Don't think about it as taking money. You give first! And if you only do it with the purpose to become rich, you will fail, I think.

I am still a bit tired, but I got something done: - Learning for programming Check - Cleaning appartment Check - Cleaning my aquarium Nope - Working on the other programming project not really - Maybe looking into the lectures of the next exam nope - Looking for statistical measures of my regular project yes but only shortly - Maybe a tiny bit of small talk at the supermarket very very tiny, but it was more an extended have a nice relaxed shift ^^ Guess better than nothing. Not ready for smalltalk yet. So since I right now see some decrease in results, I have to fight back. Alarm clock tomorrow still at 5. That is my only goal for tomorrow. The rest, I will see. As long as I get that right, I am happy. 🙂

Ok, so something to recap for me. I had an amazing weekend. Now it is time to get back on track on focus university. Let's activate my work ethic module in my brain again. Today's plan: - Learning for programming - Cleaning appartment - Cleaning my aquarium - Working on the other programming project - Maybe looking into the lectures of the next exam - Looking for statistical measures of my regular project - Maybe a tiny bit of small talk at the supermarket That sums it up. A long list of things to do. Let's smash it into pieces. If I only get half of it done, I couldn't care less. 😄

Just a theory I have, combined with some of the things, I already wrote in this forum: Could it be that you are really like super focused on your achievements and then they are the way, you measure your success? And then once you reached it your brain goes like: Yeah, I did that, now lets relax a bit and reward ourself. In my opinion, the logical conclusion, if this was true, is to not focus on your achievements and results that much anymore and instead focus more on the actual process and your identity to be a non gamer.

@Jordan2020 my childhood at time in school back then was horrific. Getting bullied and not having many friends. The ony real friend I had was of course also gaming ^^ What I did however, was to join a fight class. It was independent from school, so no bullies or people I did not like. This helped to have a nice hobby and gave me some confidence. Maybe something like that could help you as well. The interesting thing is that even some people in school noticed that. So this was very helpful. Look out for something like that I would say. Like @ElectroNugget said: Get our of your room! Right now, I am doing someting similar, today I will sign up for a yoga class in university.

Thank you very much @WhatAboutToday?. I was a nice day indeed. Now, it is a bit tough to get back to my usual routines of the last couple of weeks, because my weekend plans were shaked up a bit. That that is alright I would say. More focus on university now.

@ElectroNugget I really relate to that. I often need to watch something to sleep. I also always watch something, when I eat. But this is a real tough challenge to get it out of my system. Neither is it out of my system yet nor do I have a solution for that. Maybe someone of us can find a way to tackle that issue eventually. 🙂

Ok, time for some recap of yesterday. If my goal is to continuously expand my comfort zone than yesterday I smashed its borders beyond the horizon. So much stuff happened that it was almost scary. So lets divide it in positive and negative, starting with the negative: I was working in the sauna yesterday and my date and here friends were there as guests, so I also wanted to stay as guest as well after my shift was over. But there was some bad tension and annoying stuff going on with collegues so that made me quite uncomfortable, like almost scared me. I was not allowed to stay longer afterwards. So I then had to drive back home and had to wait until they were leaving the sauna. She gave me her address and I then was scared like usual, if I would find a parking spot there. Always something I struggled with: Parking, driving. It scares me man. I hate it a lot. Another big area, where I want to improve. And I will eventually. I have to! But this annoying. Do you see, how all these little things pile up and can make you miserable? They are small things, but they are so powerful. I knew the entire time that I just had to go through the whole thing in order to grow. Like I always say -> there is no going back now. Another thing was that they were playing mario cart, when I arrived. That however was no problem. I played a little bit with them, but then, when in the middle of the race she turned the console off, it did not bother me. Not at all. I couldn't care less. And that is still weird. But my only explanation right now is my identity: I am just not a gamer anymore. Here at gamequitters, it feels more like I am talking about everything else. It is like healing the wounds caused by gaming. But this addiction is dead. I have almost killed it entirely. With ice, fire and swords!!! Because I was so anxious about everything beforehand, I had trouble to read my chapter for programming and did not finish it. But right now, I don't really care that much xD The positive: I had a good time playing some games with them. Also some drinking game. I was still not enjoying the alcohol stuff and was eating some chips. This is just not part of my lifestyle. But it just happened. So who cares. I am still a fucking machine 😄 So that is alright. I had sex after five years. It felt good, I had fun and she had it as well. I am not going into details here, but I still notice the effect of pornography. But it is not that big of a problem anymore. I tried to relax and it was ok. This was one goal for this year and it is accomplished. To the next one: Getting even more relaxed with this whole subject. Right now, this is a really casual thing. And that is alright, we are both on the same page here. 🙂 I am stronger than ever. Nothing can stop me. Yesterday, I found out that I will at some point have to talk for myself. Not say yes and amen for everything. One colleague did something that is unforgivable. And I will make sure that she knows that. I am not turning into a monster her. But when I have a goal and you are in my way, I advise you to step aside. 😉 Another great goal for this year. Where will this journey end? I don't know. And I don't care about the result. All what matters is that I trust the process. 😄 Ps.: Just at this moment I decided that I will write the fourth exam for my theory component, even though it is not necessary for my grade. Why? Because I just said that the results are irrelevant. I want to challenge myself even more. 😄

@WhatAboutToday? I have a similar experience. When I still had facebook, especially facebook, I used to open it during working like at least 3 or 4 times per hour. After deleting the account, I would still see myself opening facebook and then closing it. This would happen with other "unproductive" websites as well. It is crazy, how much you can be on autopilot. 😮

I am asking myself something similar like @Ikar. And personally, for me the most important thing is to get rid of fucking porn. Really what matters at least to me. So far, I am quite successful. And isn't like at least masturbating without porn a lot better then with it? So why are female athletes on covers a problem? Isn't it kinda hard to resist everything female related in the internet? LIke almost impossible? The only exception of course is porn, since it really can "fuck up" your libido.

So to analyze my results for today: Waking up at 5.30. X Ready at 6.30 X Reading a bit for programming like at least one chapter Check reading another chapter Check a bit of yoga Check reading in my newly acquired book for my sauna job Check finishing the last chapter of the programming book. X working out Check something new for today: smiling a little bit more and longer with eye contact when in the supermarket at the female cashier. Has nothing to do with flirting really, but about expanding the comfort zone a tiny bit more. So I guess this counts. So basically I did 7 out of 10. What did I learn today? - I finally did a real extensive workout again. The last couple of workouts were a bit less serious, but today I really went into detail. And it was awesome. I feel so good right now that I really need to do this more often again. The other workouts are also great, but this stuff is the real deal. - I have problems to wake up on time right now. I really don't know, why that is. I had this stretch for weeks, where I would just jump out of my bed and would start immediately. I guess I want to be there again. So maybe the 5 second rule from Mel Robbins could help me out again. I really did not use it anymore. Maybe I am so used to my morning routine right now that this spirit and power I felt in the beginning reduced a little bit. Who knows, it is not really a big problem, but I now that I could have easily gone for 10 out of 10 today. - A little schedule for the day is really helpful, maybe I would have been less effective without it today - I spend a lot of time on the gamequitters forum today. It is kinda a nice push trying to help other people a bit with their problems. Another indication that the clinical area of psychology might be more my thing that the technical area of my university. - I am watching a bit too much videos on youtube here and then. But I don't consider that a problem right now What are my plans for tomorrow? There are only a couple of things I want to focus on: - Reading that chapter of programming - Reading more in that Sauna book - Trying to have more eye contact with visitors in the Sauna, where I am working - just trying to have a good time, after the sauna I will hang out with my date and her friends for a bit. Chances for sex are quite high tomorrow after that. Regarding the last point: I am not rushing or triggering myself now. This was one of my goals to have some intimacy this year again. I expected that I have to work very hard for that, but it came faster than expected. By now, statistically speaking, the majority of people have already quit their new years resolutions, I am already over that point. So this year will be good as well. Last year was all about myself. And I turned into a machine, having a work ethic now, lean muscles and like almost a sixpack and a good self care routine. This year it is about other people and the social aspect. And like usual, it is about the process. I couldn't care less about the actual results. As long as I trust and enjoy the process, it will come itself. Nice, that was another little pep talk to myself. I should do this as well as the planning more often. But only, when I feel like it. I will not force it. Thanks for reading. 🙂

@Sashiku I guess you are right. That is the correct mindset. At some point, I might use it eventually. For the yoga class: This will be another great challenge to expand my comfort zone a little bit more. ^^

@WhatAboutToday? I looked into your morning routine, is it a good idea to write down to not look into your smartphone. Like already in the morning you focus on not doing somethin. Líke: Don't eat candy!!! Isn't this somehow a way to give extra attention towards that. A reason, why anti addiction programs sometimes fails, is because of this relieve that addicts feel, when they do something, they did not allow them to do. Just this pure release of tension. The question is: Why is the tension there? Like why are you checking your smartphone in the morning? So I have varying success with that and I also sometimes check my smartphone in the morning. Actually quite often. I just want to. But then I start my day. And what really helped me, was to prepare some things in the evening before. Like a plant a glass of water next to my bed, I have my cloths ready, I just need to press the button on my coffee machine, everything to prepare my food is ready, I just need to automatically follow my procedures. Maybe this could be helpful. The rest of your daily routines is really amazing and an inspiration for myself. Just that one with not doing something as the first thing in the morning is worrying me a bit. Your first activities should be boosters (like the feeling of fresh air, water or a nice tooth brush in your mouth). Take care man!

@Sashiku regarding yoga. I tried that out like a couple of weeks ago and I really feel a lot better after it. The two things I try to do is working out or yoga. There are a ton of cool channels on youtube. But at some point, I want to do a real course. I saw one at my university, my plan is to check that out. Have to sign up in the next couple of days I think. Another great way to socialize I guess. And thank you of course for passing by 😄 Regarding books, I always said that it was because I have so much to read for university, but I think that gaming and the cognitive overload it causes is a huge reason for that as well. So yeah, but I think it slowly gets a tiny bit better. At least I am not totally falling asleep when reading something. It was always like that before. The programming is just one course, I have to do for my studies. I don't think that I will continue to program after that, but it was an interesting insight into really another world. 🙂

@ceponatia that is exacteley what I mean. I also had a similar experience a while back. Some female co workers always ignored me. All the sudden by just becoming a bit more open, we had a flawless conversation. Crazy, how different it can be.

Same for me. What a shame 😕

Right now, I guess you are like someone who wants to loose weight and therefore forbids himself to eat candy. Than he daily thinks about that candy to not it. I think that this creates a ton of tension, which will only be released by finally eating candy again, thus resulting in relapse. First of all, I don't think that you are a looser or something for relapsing at day 3. But I think you are focusing too much on the whole "I am not playing today" mentality. It will be very helpful to slowly expand your comfort zone and start looking into new areas, which are exciting. What excites you? What do you want to try out? Is there any area in your life, where you think that you are capable to make a change like right now that is going to help you move forward? Maybe even independent of gaming? Maybe even things, where you can do something good for yourself? 🙂

Step by Step @AnnaCarter 🙂

@Sashiku What I would recommend that the next thing to address it one thing, with which you feel good. And there are so many things you can do to take care of yourself. All of them have an influence. Some things I do for instance in the morning everyday since many weeks: Opening the windows for some fresh air after waking up, making my bed to feel good about some order in my life, make some nice coffee, a skin care and grooming routine (I actually watched a youtube channel of a male model to learn stuff xD), a warm shower in the morning. Really just the little things -> they can pile up and want you to do even more things. Try to explore, whatever excites you 🙂