NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
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TheNewMe2.0
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Posts posted by TheNewMe2.0
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Hello,
I would say it sounds like you're sort of on the way to feeling like you're done with your partner. I understand that you want to make things work for the kids and be a unit. It sounds like that isn't working for you so far though because he hasn't been good to you and is continuing with that pattern. People really don't change. I had to recently cut my sister out of my life because she was always very mean, negative and toxic towards me. I tried talking to her and asking her to stop. But she never relented or repented. She just denied that she was bad to me and continued being bad to me. So I finally cut her off after 31 years of knowing her. We haven't spoken for a few weeks aside from the random shouting at each other over things a couple times because we still live together. I feel a lot better since cutting her off and blocking her number. I think this same course of action might benefit you, but you're not in the action phase of the 5.
"Prochaska has found that people who have successfully made positive change in their lives go through five specific stages: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. "
I think you're in the precontemplation phase. Or maybe you're contemplating cutting him off. I don't know. It does sound like an unhealthy relationship. But, I don't know your life so deeply as you do. You know what's best for you.
My two cents would be take really good care of yourself and surround yourself with people who make you feel good. After you've spent a lot of time just self-caring and being cared for you'll know more clearly what's good and bad for you. What you want to keep and get rid of and maintain in your life. Anyways, sorry I wrote so much. Take care.
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Hey, good job not masturbating for as long as you did. I think keeping the counter up helps. It's helped me a lot. Reading a little bit (like twenty minutes) on the nofap site helped too although I found the literature to be a slow read. In terms of getting fit. I think that's really good for you both health wise and for your self-esteem. Getting cut I think is possible if you just keep eating at a deficit and training. I just try to eat normally and workout, but I seem to be gaining some fat so I might continue training at a caloric deficit to get more cut. I think I'll do that in like another six weeks though. ttys
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I'm slowly working a little more now too. Keep up the good work brother.
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Day 59 NF 30 Np 13 med 16
It felt shorter when I did my 90 day detox off this site. I guess it's because I wasn't tracking each day on the website. That being said, once I tried gaming in moderation after my detox I felt like the forums made me feel a lot better so I've stayed with them.
@Ikar They mandate me to work at least 30 hours so I've got to meet that quota. I got on some anti anxiety meds and I'm meditating and doing more yoga so that will all help me. Thanks for checking in with me.
I've had to change up pressing motions to using dumbbells at the gym because the barbell version was hurting my wrist too much. I feel this sort of malaise come over me. I do work, gym, sleep. It's all sort of the same things all the time. It's good for me to have the stable structure it's just also a bit boring at times. Maybe I could try getting into an art form or something creative. I was thinking I'd just work to meditate and read more though. It's the safe play. I still really want to make a girlfriend, but I've kind of remembered to trust the process and not rush the process with that. With everything. That means taking my time to just talk and get to know someone for a long time and not asking to hang out or anything. Just really taking my time to chat and get to know people as I'm able to.
I feel a lot more peace thinking about doing this rather than just trying to ask out girls randomly. Which I'm not opposed to it's just sort of, that's a really high octane activity. I think doing more low to moderate level of stressors is best for me right now in my life. That as I trust in the process it'll slowly build up to more exciting things with time. Thank you all for reading my posts and being here for me. It means a lot to me to have people post and know someone out there cares.
God bless
Erik
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Day 58 NF 29 Np 12 med 15
@Ikar I don’t think I have to. They’d prefer if I did though. I definitely won’t take more than this. They reduced it to 9hours so my totals at 26 a week up from 17.
I don’t know if I can handle the added work. Today the struggle was real for sure. I was all hot and tired at the gym . It could also be because my meds just increased. I’m feeling like just sleeping now even though it’s nine because I’m pretty wiped out. I’m going to try to keep these hours but no more.
God bless
Erik
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Day 57 NF 28 Np 11 med 14
Oh shoot. I'm getting another twelve hours at work. That brings my total up to 29 hours if everyone shows up for counseling. Including driving hours I'll be getting that'll make me a full time employee I think. 30/week. That's great I'm slotted to work more. It's also not great because I still have hot flash insomnia. I stay in bed twelve hours a day just to feel somewhat well rested. If I have to cut that by 3-4 hours so I can get to work it's going to be a big problem for me. My life may become just working, sleeping and doing a little self care. I might not even have much time to go to the gym anymore. Which has become an everyday thing for me. This could be a huge issue. This sleep problem needs to be fixed. If I could just sleep 8 hours and feel well rested. Then I could work, gym, sleep and cope. I'd probably even have time for a social life and to expand my hobbies. Yeah. Until that miracle comes it's just work sleep and what exercise I can fit in.
Erik
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@DaBest yeah give yourself a break. You worked crazy hours. It takes effort to keep my habits working twenty hours a week. I’m glad to hear your hard work payed off and you’re strategizing for a new year. Good luck with it.
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That’s good you’re eating meat again. Some people aren’t cut out for vegetarianism. Three months is a while I tried it for like three day’s. Tennis seems a little safer than contact sports. Enjoy the chicken.
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Cool song. It has a lot of fun and wise lyrics. I hope you feel better. Whatever you need help with you can ask for and try to find it.
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@ElectroNugget yeah it’s kind of sad but sometimes family members need to be cut off .
@Icandothis thank so much, I talked to my dr and I think it’s safe enough to try the meds. They don’t cause organ damage like other ones I was on.
@Ikar yes I noticed after getting off the games I don’t put up with people mistreating me as much. I used to just put up with people and go game the pain away but now I’m advocating more for what I want.
Day 56 NF 27 Np 10 med 13
Still on the GQ journey here. Does anyone have a review of respawn for me? I’m kind of bored and could use something to stimulate me. My clients being very good and respectful about not gaming around me after I asked him not to. I’m on more medication now and I’d say I’m feeling better already. My sister keeps to herself now which is nice because then I don’t think about her much. I had sexual dreams for a couple nights now. I hope that doesn’t continue and I just sleep. My back got kind of messed up from doing cardio machines. But I’m being gentle with it and doing less now. I hope that works out too. Thanks everyone for commenting.
God bless
Erik
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Day 55 NF 26 Np 9 med 12
I’ll get back o everyone soon. I’m busy early in the week. It’s going to be a sleepy day tomorrow. I get up at 630 to see my psych. We’ll see what they say about side effects with anti anxiety pills. I don’t really mind anymore. All the things I can’t do because I’m too anxious or whatever my problem is. I don’t think it’ll change with pills. I have some form of insomnia. It’s been hard. But it’s nice when I get my weekends off from work and get to lay in bed longer. Maybe I’ll take a staycation sometime in the near future. I have some PTO.
God bless
Erik
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On 1/17/2020 at 9:49 AM, Sashiku said:
First off, I want to congratulate you on making such a hard decision and doing your best to keep to it. My mother was an alcoholic and it was very difficult for her to quit but she did eventually. Thanks for the kind words, you are absolutely right, I will find friends, and so will you. It just may not be as quick as we'd like. I hope you have a lovely day!
Hello,
Thanks for your kind words about finding friends. I struggle to hold onto the hope that I'll find friends and a significant other someday too. But they'll come.
I read your post about feeling sad and lonely. That you cry sometimes in your grieving of two close friendships dissolving recently. I'm sorry to hear that. You aren't alone. I feel really depressed too sometimes and am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. That's schizophrenia/depression. I recently got on antidepressants and they helped a lot with depression and suicidal ideation. Maybe you can call your insurance company and ask about seeing a psychiatrist/therapist if you have the health insurance for it.
I do a morning routine too. I pray, read affirmations and wash up. In the evenings I meditate and read the proverbs etc. I'm trying to get into doing a paper journal in addition to this and a paper schedule and google docs schedule.
God bless you and help you especially with your feelings of loneliness
Erik
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4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I'm kind of annoyed today. I keep having dreams where I'm on adventures with old friends from college, high school, or middle school. It's like I haven't aged mentally. I go to distant places in America and have different goals with them for the adventures to get to a certain place or something. There's always a woman I feel like I should have dated or asked on a date. A love triangle that I haven't been able to fulfill. It's at this moment where my dreams shift to something else where she's not in it anymore, but the other people are.
I wake up depressed because I'm not with her. Sometimes there's no face to her. It's just an arbitrary woman's face that I can't trace back to someone, likely somebody I saw in passing and will never see again.
I sit in bed in the morning feeling lonely, sexually frustrated, and regretting not having one night stands or trying to be a fuck-buddy with any of the women I've met in yoga or the gym who are 10-20 years older than me and just thirsty because their rich husbands ignore them. I have turned away at least 10 women in the past 2 years. We connect and I know I can say all of the right things to move forward.
I just can't do it. I don't believe in cheating (them, not me) because of my father cheating on my mom over 5 times. I see the pain it caused her and me even to this day. It makes me feel shallow when I know I'm just being craved for sex and I'm just craving them for sex. I know a relationship will never form. In many ways, that sexual conquest is another form of escapism from my problems in life.
Sometimes I just crave these intense, tantric sessions with a woman that last a long time where we can just have a heightened, passionate intimacy and give each other our full selves. I just think of all the women I've met on my journey and know I can't connect with them the way I envision. Little things I've mentioned over the past year have gotten to me like lack of communication, which can expose lack of willing to connect. Or just recognizing they're not passionate and just sort of vague. They're just a "human" with no special qualities that draw me to them. That annoys me sometimes because on dates they don't ask me any questions or try to understand me. It's more they tailor their conversation to get you to ask them about them, but their responses are painfully vague. "I like spending time with my friends and family. That's everything to me. Haha sometimes we go and do this". It's just vague. I ask about hobbies or passions and receive nothing in return.
Most people I meet just "live" day to day. There's nothing prospective about them that I see a future with. These people stress me out. I have projects I'm trying to complete and see a long period of time I'll be committing to them. Most of the women I'm meeting are just like "Ok, so I'm trying to figure out plans for thursday, then friday, then saturday, then sunday, then blah" then they just spend the rest of their fucking week binge watching netflix shows that everyone else watches so they feel like they fit in.
VAGUE
I'm looking for a woman who naturally just makes me intrigued about her and want to dive in. I want her to be as intrigued about me. I don't really want a generic person to date who looks generic and wants the generic dream of a disney wedding and is a pink hat sports fan and sucks.
I'm looking for an artist of sorts who takes care of her body and has some personality to her. Someone I can be proud of an just want to impress her and have her want to impress me. There's so much more that I want, but this isn't a dating website. I'm just trying to explain why I'm sexually frustrated.
The good news is I'm not craving any weird porn anymore. The only porn I'm really craving is man on woman porn. No crazy fetishes or anything for the most part. When I go on binge sessions I just end up watching weirder and weirder shit.
Hello,
Thanks for sharing what's on your mind. I found your talking about how frustrated you are with your prospects of late to be humorous. "I don't want a generic person who ... sucks." I don't think I'd like that either. By contrast I have like no prospects within the past year probably. Unless you count a friend I have that lives in another state. Even so that's only one. Good job turning away shallow relationships. Those don't sound healthy or beneficial to you. You sound like you're looking for a serious relationship and that's a good place to be in. I think it's mature. I honestly kind of gave up on finding friends and a girlfriend. I'm just staying with my gym routine and my work. I hope that eventually I'll make connections there and maybe in another year I'll have made a few more social connections than I have today. Okay I guess I haven't given up on them, I'm just not trying to go out to groups or approach people if it doesn't feel comfortable lately.
God help me. And you too.
Erik
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@BooksandTrees Yeah I can see where you're coming from. I try not to listen to the headphones too loud, hopefully it won't mess up my hearing. Hmm. Fighting for equipment sucks. It makes me want to go in the morning or super late. I can see how working out with the same routine for 3-5 years can be boring. I don't think much about it though because it's pretty much all I have. I can't play any sports due to my back injury. I can't swim because it causes me acne. I'm pretty much secluded to gym and cardio machines. I do some yoga too. I also found a nice gym that's more friendly and peaceful which helps a lot. Whatever you do for exercise I hope you find something that works for you.
Day 54 NF 25 Np 8 med 11
Today was almost a slip up on NP. I randomly got a big pimple on my back and chest. Maybe because yesterday was really stressful shoe shopping for me? Anyways I remembered my posting here and my commitment to NP kept me from doing it. So that was good. I use a Zinc soap bar for my body that helps a lot with my skin. I'm thinking about checking out the Respawn guide. This site and Gamequitters things in general are one of the things on my short list of things that I'm able to do. (My anxiety causes me to get stressed out and breakout in acne for a long list of activities). My skins relatively clear lately though because I avoid things on my 'can't do' list.
I finished watching DC's Legends (1/4 shows I can watch so far). I thought, "Is this all there is to life? There has got to be more." So I guess I'm going to go through Respawn and see if it can help to enrich my life. I like the idea of decreasing screen time. Even though I'm on a screen right now. This pales in comparison to the endless hours spent gaming or watching tv. It's a lot more conscious too.
I almost lost a friend today. I sort of lost my sister. She kept texting me mean insensitive things and refused to stop when asked repeatedly. So I did the only thing I could: I blocked her number and stopped talking to her. I've felt better since then. Although my parents want us to talk again. I don't want to. If I talk to her again she'll probably be just as mean and unapologetic as ever. I don't have any interest in setting myself up to get abused again.
Back to my friend. She lost a friend recently and was being kind of rude to me. I got upset on 3-4 separate occasions and told her I didn't want to talk if she was going to keep acting out like this. She apologized and said she'd try to be nicer. So God willing that works out . . . I dunno I've kind of wanted to not talk to her for a long time. We'll see if our relationship improves. I might still have to cut her off. Cutting off people used to be hard for me because I have almost no friends or even acquaintances. But, I've decided I'd rather be alone than with someone who is treating me badly. Yep .
I'll probably get on some anti anxiety meds next week and get a new pair of shoes. So I'm looking forward to that. I did an hour of cardio today. I am gassed! I like using the elliptical at my gym though. It has a tv on it and I've been able to watch some movie clips on FX with minimal discomfort. Anyways God bless everyone on here and anyone who reads this with lots of help in all areas of their life.
God bless
Erik
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@AnnaCarter I think you have a point. Starting is hard. I just don’t have any leads on things that would be positive and healthy for me. Maybe I could try out another church but it hasn’t been working lately.
@BooksandTrees thanks so much for your post. My supervisor actually encourages me to stop gaming. She’s an ex gamer that quit as well. I think it’s just up to me to tell the clients I don’t want to watch games for my recovery. And I think what you say is true. People really will ask you to do too much and not give much back if anything . It’s best to help and give within my means. Are you still bodybuilding? How has it been going? My dad encourages me to get an hour of cardio a day like him (he’s 66). I’m around 30 mins and that’s helping me sleep. I’ll see about reading more before bed. I used to read the Bible before bed and it helped me sleep.-
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Day 55 NF 24 Np 7 med 10
I tried to post from my computer yesterday but I think I didn’t hit submit enough times or did something wrong because it didn’t post apparently. Well that may be a lost post. I’m kind of dead from trying to join things and being overwhelmed with anxiety so I can’t do them. I’m kind of just going back to doing things in my comfort zone and hoping that someday something will work out where I feel okay again with all the past interests.
Or not and it’ll just stay this way forever. Oh yeah my last post was saying I watched my client game because he was so into it. I decided I’m going to tell him I don’t want to and won’t watch him play in the future. I really care about the guy a lot so it’s not easy to say no to him. Now I know how my mom feels. It’s good I try not to ask her for too much these days.
This is the first time I’ve consistently lifted weights since undergrad ten years ago. I’m not on creatine this time and I’m amazed at how low my numbers are and my muscle gaining progress is. Lifting without creatine is slow going. I’m okay with it though. I’m just enjoying the journey. I’m super grateful to have something that’s positive and consistent in my life. I forgot my headphones today. It made me realize how important listening to christian music is for me at the gym. It transforms my gym time into a self care session filled with love and light.
God Bless
Erik
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Thank you too. Your words are so beautiful.
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@Ikar I can see how joining a group would help keep me motivated to keep on with an interest. As long as I felt comfortable there and doing the thing.
Day 54 NF 23 Np 6 med 9
Hey. I tried creatine out the other day and it did not go well so I returned it. Now I'm like recovering from that and feeling kind of tired. I'm trying to read the Bible more consistently. This will be my second time through the whole text if I complete it again. I'm kind of a restricted person. But, at least I have work, bodybuilding, the Bible and a few shows to watch. My sleep is getting better thanks to getting more cardio. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with that.
I watched some twenty minutes of my client gaming today. It was kind of scary. I don’t really want to do it again but he really wants to play while I’m there so he can show me the game . Idk I know I’m supposed to care about what he’s into but this may be too far. I’ve seen clients who refused to do anything but game so therapists had no choice but to watch them game or quit the job. So....I guess this ones not so bad . Yeah....god help me.
God Bless
Erik
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On 1/14/2020 at 1:26 AM, Icandothis said:
Yes there are two sides to every coin. The good/bad......
Staying centered and grounded during the mist of change has been my practice. My intention for many years now is, at the core of my being I am calm, serene and at peace.
My self care for the past 2 weeks has been close to nothing. And the body keeps score. I have had multiple infections and inflammation.
I am so angry about my partner. He had a surgery scheduled for last week. I asked him how that surgery was going to affect me and the kids. He basically lost it, saying that I was selfish, and that I should be thinking about him, and all the pain he would be going through. It’s always about him, him, him!
I feel like this is a form of gaslighting, as he took a very basic question and turned it around as a criticism towards me. I am so tired of this, and can not wait to be done.
Anyways, his surgery comes along, and then as he is leaving, the hospital says I should be his caregiver for the next couple of weeks! Wtf. I have 3 kids to chase after, and there is no way I have time to be his nurse as well.
I told the hospital, if they wanted him to have care, then keep him in the facility or send over a health at home nurse. At that note they stuttered... well he really doesn’t need care. Oh ok then!
I am in a holding pattern for housing and daycare. Just waiting for a spot to open.
And so through all of this I try to find my calm. I have lost it a lot lately. I think there is only a certain amount of stress a human being can be put under.
Thank you for listening and being here.
Hello, I practice yoga too. I did a bit more today than usual. It’s really nice. I thought you might do yoga from your good vibes. I’m sorry you’re walking through so much right now with your partner and caring for your kids. That’s a lot of responsibility. Just taking care of myself is enough for me I can only imagine having three kids.
What else is your self care like? Did some resolution come with caring for your partner? I hope everything goes well for you and you can get time to meditate/yoga etc.
God bless you
Erik
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Good job going to that networking thing. You’re good at working it seems.
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Hey, I’m so proud of you getting out of your rut. I can see you’re doing better now with how you spend your time. Good job. No worries with the girl from your gym. You do what feels right for you. What’re you reading?
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@Alexanderle thanks for your post. I do start and stop things a lot. Mostly it’s due to injuries or anxiety. Maybe with medication and therapy I’ll be able to do more hobbies wise like draw again. Working out is working out though so that’s kind of enough for me for now. I would like to expand my comfort zone if I can do it safely. I expect things to be comfortable and safe enough for me to feel okay continuing them. Most things cause me too much anxiety type discomfort to keep doing.
I like how you took taking care of yourself seriously. I’d like to do the same. I think eating less sugar and junk food would be the way to go. I could keep watching videos on social skills.
Day 53 NF 22 Np 5 med 8
Well today was pretty good. I got to exercise and didn’t have to work. Then I got some clothes and groceries with my mom. I’ve gained some fat but don’t totally know how to get it off. I think cutting sugar and eating more home cooked meals is best. Well maybe a little sugar.
I’m moving towards finishing practicum hours. I started the class for it now I’m just waiting for my teacher to send me paperwork to legitimatize my hours. Then I’ll be done with practicum hours and apply to be a resident and start being able to accrue those hours towards licensure. It’s a long journey with a lot of hurdles to get over but I’m doing it. I’ll keep going. I hope my work goes well enough.
God bless
Erik-
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Day 52 NF 21 Np 4 med 7
I tried out creative again and that was a bust. I’m trying out a new church hopefully that’ll work out, wel see. The gyms been good to me. I’d like to buy a workout routine from a YouTube person but idk that’s expensive 40$.
My sleeps improved since I started getting cardio everyday. Thank god.
God bless
Erik
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Day 51 NF 20 Np 3 med 6
I want to just try writing only positives and see how it goes.
Im still working. I’m fighting to keep a client on board so I hope and pray that happens. I’m in good health. I’ll be seeing a therapist and psychiatrist soon. That’s nice. I’m getting along better with my sister now. I’m making a commitment to spend more time reading books because I think that’s generally better for me than watching tv. Although I’m okay with watching tv. I’m hopeful that drawing, writing or some other hobby will manifest so I can have more things to do with my free time .
Im grateful for my job, my faith, and Christian music which I’ll start trying to sing more often in the day time.God bless us one and all
Erik
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TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life
in Daily Journals
Posted
Day 60 NF 31 Np 14 med 17
@seriousjay and @Ikar thank you guys for your wisdom. There’s some good ideas you’re bringing to light.
Today I realized that the gym is destressing for me. I was all stressed out after shopping at an outlet store. Then I went to the gym and felt much better. I hope I can manage to chill out enough to feel good most of the time. Lately I’ve been kind of on the stressful side. I think I’m going to take Ikars advice into consideration and see if my employer will OK me to just work part time ~25 hours a week. I’d like to just stay where I’m at with 22 a week. I think this is good enough .
Considering most people with schizoaffective disorder don’t even work and just get social security checks. I’d say I’m doing pretty good. No need to push things too far. Although If I want to start getting residency hours towards my career goal of licensure I’ll have to work at least 30 a week to be eligible for counting those hours. God help me get ready for that somehow.
God bless
Erik