TheNewMe2.0

Positive: Its been four months of nofap tomorrow. Good for me. Nofap is good. It helps me have more energy. Speaking of energy. Just thinking about my new job makes me feel drained. That's why I think when I start It's going to drain me more and I won't be able to continue there. So, I'll give it my best shot, but we'll see what actually happens. My mom's out at her events center doing work all day. I'm going to probably watch tv and maybe go for a hike by myself. Yeah. Other than that I have no plans for the day other than to eat food. I'll make steak rice and vegetables in a bit. I dunno how well hiking's going to go. I've been feeling so tired from the new job that I don't even have energy to lift weights anymore and haven't been. I wouldn't be surprised if I walk ten steps and head back. ON the upside my skin seems to be doing okay. Hopefully it gets better. Things are going okay with my clients. I usually have a positive experience with them. Well. That's it for me today. I'm grateful for my mom for making breakfast for me today. Nature for being beautiful and making me feel better when I look at it. God bless Erik

You get to keep your hours only after it's been 3 months. They report the hours every 3 month period. So if you work 2.5 months with someone and quit you probably won't get to keep those hours. It is a crappy system that screws you out of hours in many ways. I just hope my supervisors stick around and I'm able to comfortably work with them for two years to get this done. Good luck with your apartment hunting. Sounds like you have good things to do to keep busy.

@BooksandTrees I'll try the new job although I'm not very hopeful about it at all. I think it'll probably go down in flames. I don't think I'll talk to my mom about the living room. Some things are better left unsaid. Positive: I'm full. It's nice to have food. I still don't mind eating the same breakfast everyday. Kind of like watching supergirl over again I guess. I'm holding off on eating ice cream till at least lunch. It goes better for me when I wait to eat it because then I don't crave a second serving the rest of the day. Sugar is intense. We're getting a mosquito net for our backyard umbrella. That's kind of cool. We can sit outside and eat food or play cards or whatever. I guess we just need a light out there now if there's not one already. She-Ra is not going so well. I was getting the weird vibes from it yesterday. Whatever back to supergirl. Well. I want to get my mom to buy me something for my birthday, but I don't know what to ask for. I was thinking about some dip bars, but I don't know if I'll even use them. I've been feeling pretty lackluster in the gym lately. We'll see if I get a workout in today or if I'm too tired to do it again. My supervisor is twisting my arm to go see a client 3x a week for 1hr at a time. It's 1hr of driving for 1hr of work 3days a week. It's not lucrative by any stretch of the imagination. But I'm doing it because I don't have anything else going on and I've learned to just do what my superiors tell me to do even if it's a bit ludicrous. I smiled at life I accomplished not eating ice cream yet today I am grateful for food, ice cream, waiting, life, my supervisor who is chill, ramen, pan, eggs, mosquito net, umbrella. God bless Erik

Good job quitting games and porn. I'm doing the same, and meditating too. This is a long journey. Keep taking it one step at a time.

Welcome to the forums. Good luck in your game quitting. Sounds like your struggle is slowly coming to an end and you'll be game free in no time.

Positive: I have a supervisor. At least one of my two supervisors I think will work out. So at least for one of my two required years I'll have supervision. I can finally start accruing hours towards licensure. My water drinking is going well as I spend most of my days at home. I drink like 80oz of water a day. It's great. My constipation has gone away too since I lowered to 3mg of a risperdal a day. I have a lot of free time today so I'm going to watch She-Ra and the princesses of power. I was really enjoying the first five episodes of the show and hope the rest of it is good for me too. I now have a setup in my living room so I can use a standing desk and a seated desk on the couch for my Telehealth therapy sessions. It's nice to have both options. My mom's a little peeved because I'm taking up the whole living room with my desks and tv. But, she's bearing with it for now. Honestly it's not like she's going to use it for anything other than to house decorations. She already used the other living room to house a giant table that we don't use. If she had this living room to use she'd probably just fill it with more non-functional decor. So I feel like I'm putting the living room to better use than she would. Although it's her house so she can rightfully do what she wants with it. The bad news is, I'm not feeling good about my new job. I feel like it's not going to work out. It would be a really big break for me if it did though as it offers more hours and better pay. Something my current job is desperately lacking. Sup1 gave me my current job in the first place. She's offering me a new job now. So maybe just like happened a year ago I'll accept a job from Sup1 and it'll work out again. I Can only hope. So I'll contact Sup2 about starting supervision today, watch She-Ra and see a client at 2. We tend to go biking. It's nice because we bike to the park and he just does his own thing on the skate park once we're there. I don't have to do anything but chill on a bench while our time runs out. It's not exactly the greatest therapeutic intervention ever but it passes the time in a way that's healthy for both of us. And we get some therapy in at the start of session so it's fine. Netflix testing still causes me stress and acne. The acne is worse to deal with than the stress though. My plan to test one show every Friday is possibly happening tomorrow. I'm kind of not wanting to do it. Like maybe it's better if I test anime instead of Netflix because maybe anime will not cause acne just stress. It really sucks to watch a show decide it's not for me and wake up with 5 new pimples because the show caused me acne to test. But if I don't test shows I'll never get to watch anything new. I'll just be stuck with the same shows I've tested and confirmed as safe to watch on Netflix. I'm between a rock and a hard place with finding tv shows to watch obviously. The only question for me is Netflix or VRV? To test or not to test? Maybe I'll try to test one tomorrow. I smiled at he-man. I accomplished drinking water I am grateful for he man for spawning she ra so I have something new to watch on Netflix. For clean drinking water, something many people don't have on this earth. For Netflix so I have something to do when I'm not working during the day. My journal and poems which are a nice break from electronics. And my mom who tries to help me be positive about my new job even though I feel like I'm gonna die from trying to work it. God bless Erik

Welcome back to the forums. Don't game or PMO sounds good to me. Sounds like you're on an upswing. Keep going. We're all in this together.

Try to practice meditating

Welcome to the forums. Good luck.

It's standard for therapists to have to pay a supervisor while in their residency. The system for getting us licensed is not very good or easy to navigate. I worked for a year not knowing I could hire a supervisor, all those hours could have counted towards my 3400 hour requirement and now they're just gone in the wind. I have two new supervisors. They seem okay. I'm going to have to work with them for 2 years at least, probably more so I'm going to try to get comfortable. I've been journaling in the morning, although I have more time because I'm not busy. I haven't missed a day in a while. Once I'm working full time (if it ever comes) I might be only journaling every few days too. Sounds like you're doing good, keep it up.

Positive: it's nice not keeping my daily counter. I don't have to type it out each day anymore as my signature keeps track of my progress. I've settled into rewatching my Erik's approved list of Netflix shows. It's pretty chill. The free bike I got is decent. Maybe the next free bike will be good too who knows. Anyways it's made riding with my client much easier. I still have this job looming overhead. If I'm lucky it'll take and I'll have a better job. If not, well, then I'll have let some people down who were hoping that the new job would take including myself. That'd suck. I'm probably going to try splitting my supervision between two supervisors 1 and 1 each per week. I don't feel exceptionally well about either of my supervisors, but I guess I don't feel bad about them. Maybe I'll be able to manage the split. I think splitting is better than just going with one supervisor 2 hours a week because well I guess I don't have a good reason. They're just both there and available and my other supervisor said to try working with both so I guess I'll give it a try with both. It'll result in more learning and I might grow more as a therapist. Or maybe it'll be just lip service and I won't learn much. Only time will tell. But I think I will try both and give the new job a try. This guy is over helping my mom do stuff. He pisses me off because he kicked me off of unscrewing something I was having trouble with. I feel like he's treating me like a kid because I'm younger than him. Jerk. I don't like how they always seem to be arguing in Chinese too. It reminds me of why I decided to stop learning Chinese and try to learn Japanese instead. The Chinese culture just pisses me off. They're always treating younger people like incompetent children even if you're a 30+ year old adult. And they're always yelling and arguing in Chinese. Bleh. I got tired from learning Japanese though. I just felt angry and exhausted trying to learn the language after a while. Learning Chinese seems to be going better. Except when I speak it with other people including my mom it seems to upset me and stress me out. So......once again I'm screwed learning languages. I'm always screwed somehow. It's no fun. I'll try not to focus on it. Maybe I could try to learn Spanish. I smiled at a lamp I accomplished eating waffles I am grateful for what little clear skin I do have left. My skin has acne, but it could be worse. It's too bad I've developed acne in the past 3 weeks. Before that my skin was totally clear. I'm grateful for what little work I have left. 9 hours a week isn't much but it's something. I can at least pay for my health insurance. Life's not looking too good right now. I hope it improves. Somehow. God bless Erik

I look forward to fall too. It'll be good hiking weather.

@ceponatia Thank you sir. A birthday and two years of sobriety. It's a pretty good week. My life is a struggle, but I'd say it has improved since quitting substances for sure. Positive: I Have a nice blanket. My mom put my childhood blanket downstairs. It's got a Chinese comic book monkey sung woo kong on it and it says my name across it. It has a nice texture to it. It's kind of comforting and nice to have around. My mom also fixed up a small desk we bought off craigslist. It's now sturdy whereas before it was all flimsy with not enough screws in it. It's setup so I can webcam clients from the couch. It'll be a comfortable setup. It would have been great for my new job. But I don't think the new job is going to work. I got crazy bad stress last night and I'm almost 100% sure it's from the new job. Which means the new job has to go because I can't tolerate this kind of stress. The stress also caused me some acne which sucks. It's sad because the new job was full time and a 6$ raise from my current job which only gives me 9 hours a week currently. So I'm kind of screwed on my current job as it gives me so few hours to work. And the new job was supposed to be a way out but that tunnel has closed up it seems. I'm going to keep trying out the new job, but I'm like 99.9% sure it's not going to work out. Darn. Oh well, I'm going to try to enjoy my birthday anyways. Oh yeah it's my birthday today. Yay. It makes me happy to have a birthday, maybe because people wish me a happy birthday. I'm probably going to go try to fix my bike before my session with a client and see if I can ride the bike with him. That'd be cool. I smiled at my blanket I accomplished waking up I am grateful for my blanket which brings me comfort, joy and peace. My water bottle which keeps me hydrated all day for so many days now and the little chair with a little bear in it that looks cute. God bless Erik

Good luck with achieving your goals.

Welcome to the forums. I dunno what's best for you with discord. If you feel like it's tempting you back to gaming maybe it's not good. But if you can keep it and just use it to talk to friends maybe it's okay.

You're welcome. My mom being chill towards me has made it a bearable experience. I hope things continue to go well with us and my living here.

@chiliflavor Hey chili, how are you? Thanks for the compliment on my posts I'm glad they're bringing you positive energy. 9 months yay. I'm on the last leg of my journey to 1 year. I hope my new job goes well too. My old job has too much paperwork to do right now. I agree on enjoying this lifetime, lets. Positive: It's my birthday tomorrow and I'll be at 2 years sobriety from substances on sept 2nd. Yeah, good things will come for me in this next year of my life. I'm going to be 32 tomorrow. Some positive things in my life right now are my possible new job and supervisor who I'll hopefully be talking to about next steps today. And I'm getting into hiking and biking. I got a free road bike yesterday so I'm hoping to find places to go bike in the area with it. Unfortunately or fortunately my client hours have dropped to 9/week. This just makes me want to quit my job and work fully at the new job. I hope there's less paperwork there. The paperwork is just a lot of headache. We just got added more paperwork to do per client too. I'll try my best, but I don't really know what I'm doing with the new paperwork. So we'll see how that goes. I'm gonna try to do it and ask for revisions from my sup. I smiled at some pot in our house I accomplished eating leftovers for breakfast I'm grateful for the chocolate cake my mom bought me for my birthday. It's really quite good. She had agreed to buy me hiking shoes too, but none of them fit. So maybe I can get her to spend some money on a new mountain bike for me. Grateful for my blanket, pencil, pen, flask, notebooks, rug, floor, hair, and head. God bless Erik

I’m too poor to afford living on my own. My job is currently only giving me 14 hours of work a week. I’m possibly getting a new job next week though. Also it helps me to live with my mom as she cooks cleans and is the only social contact I have in my life. Without her I’d have no in person support. I’m in student debt so I wanted to live at home for a few years until I pay it off and can buy a home. I don’t really want to live by myself right now I think I’d be too lonely. Sounds like you’ll have a good time living on your own in a year though Fruits awesome I like to eat it after dinner.

Positive still doing 12 hours sleep and sort of okay. I seem to be okay although I was pretty tired yesterday. Maybe I’ll actually get used to this and be able to work 7 hours a day. That’s be awesome. If I could get down to 11 hours of sleep again that’d be wonderful. I’m at Catholic Church as my mom is catholic. It’s okay. I may be able to come once in a while here. Probably won’t meet anyone but whatever not like that’s a change. Gonna try watching new shows on vrv in the hopes it won’t cause me acne like Netflix has been. We’ll see what happens. I dunno maybe I could just rewatch my shows on Netflix for a while. I need to find a new way to pass the time that doesn’t cause me acne. Anime ho. I am grateful for sleep because it’s nice to get some rest. Also sleeping early which makes me feel better and get better sleep because I spend more time in the dark. God bless Erik

That's a funny way to stop eating deserts. Looks like you showed those food scientists who's boss. My mom loves sweets and always buys some for the fridge. So until she stops doing that I pretty much don't have what it takes to resist the urge to eat desert for now. Especially because eating just a little each day doesn't seem to affect my weight much. I haven't moved from 182 for a while. We just bought cake for my birthday actually. Oh sugar.

That's cool you're seeing improvement with your wedge shots. I'd imagine it's cool to get better accuracy and bring it on the course eventually.

Actually my original supervisor heard the second supervisor was getting on my case and complained about it for me. Then she found me two new supervisors who would see me at a discounted rate. So I was able to drop the supervisor that was causing me stress and get with a new supervisor who also provided me with a new job that pays more and I'm getting the ball rolling with her on Monday. Looking forward to it, I hope this new relationship works out. Good awareness of your thoughts. Cravings come and go. You'll probably get better at letting them go with time. That's ironic you got fiber optics now. But like you said, oh well.

Positive: I slept only 12 hours last night and I'm awake. Amazing I slept only twelve last night. I'm currently on 3mg risperdal. The last time I was on 3mg I was able to sleep 11 hours a night and stay awake throughout the day okay. So I'm hopeful that I might be able to do that again. Today I'm trying out twelve hours of sleep and seeing what happens. So far I'm a little more tired than usual but it's not a devastating fatigue like when I was trying to do this on 4 mg risperdal. In other news I got a new job. My supervisor wasn't working out for me because she was kind of just too mean to me. And a supervisor who was leaving the company decided she felt bad for me and wanted to take me under her wing. So she's agreed to supervise me and has a job for me that pays more than my current job. So it's a big step for me to take, but I like to think it's in the right direction. I really hope it all works out okay. So far as shows go. I still get acne from testing shows out which sucks. So I'm thinking I'll limit it to Fridays only for testing. Then I'll get less acne from it and still be able to test one show a week or so. Sometimes I watch 2 minutes of a show and decide it's no good for me. So if that happens I could potentially test a few shows in one day. I'm still watching Supergirl which is such a great show for me. I really enjoy watching it even though it's the second time through I don't mind at all. I smiled at my mom finding a free bike for me on CL I accomplished getting up after only 12 hours of sleep I am grateful for my mom, CL, sleeping only 12 hours, new job, new supervisor, testing shows less often, my workouts, my laptop, aggretsuko and socks. God bless Erik

@BooksandTrees Yeah a new job might help me socialize more. I dunno if I can handle working more hours, but we'll see. My job just got a lot less stressful as I dropped the offending supervisor. I have another lead on a different supervisor though. I noticed most people don't keep timers so it's making me want to try doing without. Positive: I went hiking and remembered to eat lunch today. Hiking was a good time. I went with my mom and she collected rocks along the way for her garden. The hills were steep and lined with rocks. We talked about getting some hiking boots for next time. It was tiring to trek out there and we only went so far. I was all sweaty because it's hot out, but it was nice to go get some cardiovascular exercise for a change. My mom and I ate ice cream as a reward once we were back. Although I feel kinda guilty anyways. Life: I'm working with a new client. We work on his schoolwork. He says he's all done, but then when we look together he usually has forgotten to do some assignments. So I gotta figure out how to get him to do his work. We keep it pretty chill. We played Harry Potter Uno the other day. It was nice. We also went for a walk at some Catholic gardens area. Which was also nice albeit a bit hot outside. My only pet peeve with him is he'll act kind of like he's smarter than you sometimes. I don't like that. Especially when he's not doing his assignments and acting like he's got it all figured out. Sorry this post was short I didn't have as much Time. I'm grateful for my job which is good enough.

Good job keeping off the games. You're making progress.