TheNewMe2.0

@BooksandTrees Yeah it's not. I just get in bad situations sometimes with clients where they refuse to stop gaming around me. Generally it's been okay though and they'll stop. Positive: The Good Place has a new season out. Watching season 4 of the good place is pretty good. I like the main character. She's like an ethical rags to riches story. Used to be bad and now she's good. My neck's hurting today. Usually it only hurts on the right side but today it's both sides. So that's not good. I'm kind of tired of talking about stuff. It's been a long week. I've come to terms with Supergirl ending. It's alright. Most shows aren't going to go past five seasons and all. I smiled at my post I accomplished making a plan I am grateful for my blue blanket which is large and covers me unlike my little childhood blanket. It's nice and soft and it matches the furniture in the room. It's my go to blanket for sitting on the couch. My blue sweater thing is nice too. It's a tall so it actually fits me. I really like tall clothing it makes such a difference in how well it fits. God bless Erik

Positive: I'm 2 years sober and 10 months game free. Yeah. So today marks 10 months game free and sept 2nd was 2 years sobriety. It's really good being free from these things. The only rough part is when people I know are drinking or playing games and try to get me to join in. That's pretty intense to deal with and not give in to the temptation. Because it's not like I entirely disliked gaming and substances. I really liked them, a little too much. I did them so much so that I had to stop completely or face my own ruin. Now I'm free from them for as long as I'm able to stay away. It's good to be free. I feel a clarity to my mind. I feel a lightness to my bones. And a longing for more. For a better life than the one I live. It's a good longing though. It's nice to desire something more. When I was in my addictions I mostly didn't have the capacity to care or hope for more. For love or friendship. It's a slow and long process but I feel like I'm growing. I'm sort of becoming comfortable with how I am and what my life is like. I do my best at work and in relationships. But I know I fall short of Jesus example. I'm okay with that and am modestly happy with how I'm conducting myself as of late. I feel like I've improved a lot as an employee. Although my client wasn't so supportive and said I wasn't a good worker. I think I've improved a lot at work over the years and I know he's kind of just a jerk to everyone. I smiled at the air I breathe. I accomplished being on schedule and doing yoga in the morning before breakfast. I am grateful for breakfast, air, yoga, my little stand for my laptop. This stand will possibly allow me to see clients via webcam and sit with better posture on my beloved brown couch. A nice addition for, I think it was 15-20$. I'm grateful for my client who I see today and we're planning to get Korean food. God bless Erik

Positive: I have a new show testing strategy. Okay, so, it happened. I tested a show for too long and it caused me some bad acne. Like 10 pimples and blemishes. Not the first time this has happened. My plan is to only watch for 5 minutes at a time on new shows until I'm pretty sure I can watch one then I can try for a whole episode or 30 minutes at a time. This plan will work as long as I execute it. Then I can have clear skin and search for new shows. Also searching for new shows has been a bleak and fruitless pursuit. I've probably tested over 20 shows and not been able to watch one. Okay maybe one I haven't finished trying it out yet. I messed up scheduling today so I gotta try to get a client to do Telehealth instead of an in person session like we planned. Sorry about that. I made a sandwich a few days ago to eat at work but then I forgot about it and there was a moldy sandwich in my bag today. Ew. I think my mom is going to let me keep my couch and tv in the living room. Which would be great if she'd be okay with it because I'm basically not going to find a recliner that works for me. I smiled at the day beginning I accomplished no popping pimples I am grateful for my mom for giving me a flash drive when I asked for something to backup my files on. Now I've just got to find my USB adapter for Mac. Also grateful for star girl that was a good show. And supergirl which I heard is cancelling after season six. Nooo. That tragic loss of the greatest show ever. God bless Erik

Good gratitude list. Gratitude is good. Yes. I hope today goes well.

Quitting gaming is good. Uh, keep going.

Positive: My mom hasn't threatened to kick me out today. So that's good. We unfortunately bought recliners that hurt my back. So it's almost impossible to find a recliner that doesn't hurt my back. I might try buying one new from lazyboy for like 1000$. There I have more chance to try and find one that doesn't hurt. It's really a miracle that I have a couch that doesn't hurt my back. But I can't really put the couch in my room as it's a three seater and I'm using it like a personal recliner. I want to use this couch until it falls apart because I don't have anything else I can use that doesn't hurt my back. My back is very sensitive to what it sits in. My mom wants to replace the couch as it's already kind of old. Maybe I can fit it in my room. I'll measure it out after this post. I'm going to see the client that wouldn't return my texts/call. We'll see if he shows up to session today. I got kind of mad that he wouldn't text back. Maybe that wasn't good. Getting mad isn't good anger is bad. I smiled at my mom being forgiving I accomplished drinking Metamucil which I Forget at night sometimes I am grateful for my mom for not being mad at me when I said the recliner hurts my back and I can't use it even though we already bought it off CL. Also she comes up with things for us to do so that I'm not just watching tv all the time. Mostly errands, going to Costco, and stuff like that. God bless Erik

That sucks about your moms treats. Sometimes people can be kind of clueless like that. My mom was like 'why don't you just move out and rent a place.' And I was like, mom I got 9 hours of work at my job just two weeks ago, I don't have money like that.

@Bird By Bird Haha, that'd be nice if she said I could stay with her forever. Uhm I have some money that I could use to sustain myself if I moved out but I'd be really poor and unable to save anything. My mom doesn't like fully understand that. She somehow thinks I have money to move out and be fine which I don't. She probably won't kick me out though. As long as I manage to find a recliner that doesn't hurt my back and I'm able to move my tv up into my room. Then she'll be happy with the living situation as she'll have more space. Positive: Almost done with the chobani. I like to keep it sugar free as much as possible during the mornings. Unfortunately my mom bought chobani instead of oikos yogurt so I'm stuck eating sugar for like a couple more weeks till the chobani is gone. Then we'll get oikos and I'll return to my sugar free greek yogurt glory. I like to save every gram of sugar I can so I can 'afford' to eat a little desert at night. But who knows if I can really afford it. Maybe I need to go back to eating no sugar entirely like before. Ah. Another client is not texting me back or responding to phone calls. So inconvenient and inconsiderate. It makes me mad. Hopefully the tracking down clients and trying to get them to come to session situation will be better at my new job. I smiled at my post I accomplished getting through the party last night I am grateful for chocolate mousse which is pretty tasty stuff. They brought some to the party last night and it was good. I tend to like chocolate things. I'm grateful for my room which is all the space I have left now that I'm relinquishing the living room to my mom. My jacket which keeps me warm in the fall. And my client who shows up to sessions very consistently and answers his phone when I call him. God bless him. God bless Erik

True there's only so much we can do during covid. It's a limiting situation. All we can do is make the best of what we have. My student loan interest is being stalled thanks to covid so I'm able to save money towards paying off my loans now which is great. Honestly I spent most of my time at home so covid isn't really much of a change for me aside from having to wear a mask all the time. I may go on a cruise at the end of the year. Maybe you could go on a cruise too. Idk. Travel is slowly going to open back up. Be patient and do what you can to pass the time.

Remember your relationship is a precious treasure and treat it very well. Sounds like you're taking steps in the right direction. Good luck on your 90 day detox. Just one game will be a gateway back to LoL so don't play anything at all.

I watch tv before bed. I could paper journal or write poems too though. Good luck winding down.

Yeah. It's a team effort to game quit and we're all doing it. Thanks for being here sending you kindness.

Yeah. Go double major. Cheering for you.

@BooksandTrees Thanks so much. I'm really happy about my new job opportunity. It will be great for my savings and paying off my student debt which I hope to finish off by age 35 (in 3 years). @royal panda Thank you. I am doing pretty good overall and happy that I have work hours to put in. The new job isn't final yet but it sounds like it's pretty certain they'll be offering me two positions to choose from soon. Positive: Journal name change. My name and journal name have officially changed. I am now 'thenewme2.0'. Big thanks to @stablish and @Cam Adair for helping me do my name changes. I am now more anonymous and feel comfortable posting more intimate and other details about my life. My mom scared me yesterday by suggesting I move out so that I stop taking up so much living room space. I told her I'd move my setup up into my room so she could have her living room back. I'll greatly miss the living room as the climate is really good here and not hot at all. Maybe I could move my stuff into the basement actually. There's probably room down there for my recliner tv and weight set. Then I could be nice and cool while I watch tv. Yes. If I do it up in my room it's gonna be super hot whenever my mom runs the heater in the fall/winter which we are facing right now. So that's kind of a big motivator to get setup down in the basement. I'm a little scared of the basement for some reason. Maybe it's darker down there or something, but hopefully I'll be able to get used to it and be okay. I watch tv with my client in the basement of his house and it's no problem. So I don't see why I wouldn't be able to do the same at my own house. Hopefully it'll all turn out okay. Also I'm really glad to see Cam posting a new video and glad that he's doing okay out there in Thailand. My mom says Thailand is a place you visit and it's so nice you want to stay. I smiled at life. I accomplished getting fancy ice cream that was really quite good. I am grateful for my water bottle which I left at a clients house. I'm not enduring minor dehydration as I cope with using cups like most people. Tragic. I'll get my baby back tomorrow. I could use more water bottles for backup. Thanks for reading God bless Erik

I hope you feel better and get through your 4 rounds of Chemo okay. It's a trying process but like you said to me you're doing really well too. Everything will be okay. Keep on keeping on.

Hope you feel better too. Good job studying.

Ted has myth tales if you want to check those out too on YouTube.

@Bird By Bird Well your comment makes me not want to watch tv ever again. I will probably be able to cut down my tv time drastically once I get a job doing outpatient therapy instead of in home therapy. Then I'll just talk to people instead of watch tv with them. Don't want to Get a Netflix face now. @BooksandTrees No the notes are very specific in how they're to be done. We have a eform to do and its got to be done through a certain website. But once I'm working outpatient I'll track my hours on a spreadsheet. And I'm sure do notes in a new form/site. @Icandothis Thank you. I am doing well at keeping going with my job and everything. I'll keep smiling at things. I even managed to wake up an hour early somehow today. Maybe because I Was playing with my med dosage a couple days earlier. Positive: Li got back to me about my new job. Yes. My new job looks like it's going to happen just about for sure. Li said I'll have two options: working with her in private practice or working for a company she works at in corporate practice. I'm leaning toward private practice if the workload is there. Otherwise business practice it is. Either way I'm going to probably make 25% more money, finally get supervised hours towards licensure and get to work as an outpatient therapist. Plus it's just a more legitimate job that's like the job I'll actually be doing once I'm licensed. It's cold now that it's fall. But not so cold we have to run the heater just yet. I'm nice and warm and comfortable in my little couch spot here. After reading BIrd's comment I don't want to watch too much tv now. I'm sure I can spend a little more time going hiking, cooking and running errands. If not for my job I wouldn't watch that much tv. Although on my day off I watch like at least 2 hours of Netflix. Speaking of which. I'm testing Voltron and power rangers to see if I can safely watch them. I may have found two new shows to add to my collection. My clients are pretty chill about letting me watch from my list with them. They aren't fussy and demanding I Watch something else. Except one of them who doesn't really get it yet. Hopefully he will soon. I've got one client who may disappear from my roster. Which is okay as I'm probably leaving the job soon anyways. Ironically I'm finally up to about 30 hours a week now that I'm about leave (1 year 4 months in). I found one good hiking spot so far near my house. Hopefully I find more. I tried a new one yesterday and it was way too crowded for me to approve. I smiled at my water bottle I accomplished getting through the night with a stomachache. I am grateful for my mom who always cleans up after us everyday. Doing dishes, cleaning surfaces, cooking and restocking things. She's amazingly helpful and I'm really grateful for her. Oh and Li who saw fit to hire me to a new job that is better in so many ways and to supervise me when I had no LPC to supervise me for my licensure hours. God bless Erik

glad you're doing well. Thanks for the poem

Happy game free anniversary. I'm proud of you and glad to know you. Thanks for being here and posting with us. That's good of you guys to donate things to those in need. That must be really trying to get your house burned down. I hope they recover ok.

Positive : It's my one day off yeaahhh yayyy I only get Sundays off now. All the other days are work days. Blegh. I want to go hiking and get a beard trimmer from Costco today with my mom. I hope she comes home soon to do stuff with me. My current beard trimmer has been cutting me and making me bleed. So that's not good. I hope I'm able to manage the anxiety of working this job and like. Only getting one day off per week. If I didn't have all these meetings and junk to do I could work more. Hmm, maybe I can do the meetings on my phone while I'm driving and still get my work hours in. Well. I watched the badlands ep 1 and it caused me acne. Darn it. I've got to watch only a few minutes of new shows and test to see if they cause me face tension or not and then pull out. No watching full episodes of new shows right away. That was a bad idea. Acne from shows sucks. I smiled at my suffering I accomplished finishing the work week I am grateful for oikos greek yogurt. It's zero sugar greek yogurt that still tastes kind of good because it has natural flavorings in it. Eating GY everyday is good for your gut bacteria health and helps with digestion. That's a good thing. I like eating GY everyday. God bless Erik

You can use the 'scannable' app to scan things with your phone. Good luck with your habits.

Good goals for October. Good luck. Don't worry about slipping just try to get back to it.

Positive: I will have worked 27.45 hours this week assuming my sessions go well today. That I think is actually a record for me. So yay go me. It's still not 30+ hours but getting closer. We're playing hardball with a client and telling them to show up for sessions or we cancel services. He still hasn't gotten back to me as he rarely chooses to respond much to my chagrin. So we'll see what happens. I'm hoping he comes through and we do 3 sessions a week somehow. I might bring a chair over there if it can fit. Yeah, it's a hope for the best and plan for the worse kind of situation. I may end up losing this client altogether. My mom got a headache last night and it triggered my anxiety that she will die and leave me all alone here on earth. She's the only person I have in my life really. I don't talk to anyone else in person. If she died I'd sell the house, buy a smaller house, try to live cheaply and keep my progress going towards therapist licensure. It'd be kind of difficult to liquidate her business asset but maybe her real estate friend could help me out. It's good to have a plan for what you'll do if your anxieties come true. I hope she lives to 100 or so though. I don't like the idea of going on without my mom here at least until her time. I smiled at a painting I accomplished getting up at 9 I am grateful for the good weather we're having. It's very nice outside and I've been hiking a couple times already. It's so nice to get out and go hiking without feeling like you're in a sauna. Just gotta bring bug repellent next time so no bites. God bless Erik

Positive: I'm working more. I've been working like 20-30 hours a week now. So that's kind of good. I'm always busy with work though, not much down time unfortunately. My supervisors on my case about my notes writing so that'll be a chore to figure out how to do better to her standards. Blah. Oh well I'll try. The job with Jam didn't give me a good feeling so I don't think I'll follow through with it. Li still hasn't gotten back to me. I wonder how the job will go with her supervising me if this is how long it takes her to execute on getting me the job. Idk maybe there's a reasonable explanation to why it's taking so long. I don't have time for proverbs and post today so I just posted. I smiled at GQ I accomplished eating greek yogurt no sugar oikos I am grateful for my clients even though they're a handful sometimes. I appreciate the warmth of their company and I enjoy being with them sometimes. I love all my clients. God bless Erik