Hi there, kind stranger. My nickname is Neman. I am a journalist and small business co-owner in his mid 30's. Wife, 3 children, long time orthodox Christian. I live in Russia and currently on a long-term vacation at somewhere warm. I am starting 90 days Detox and Respawn to rewire dopamine thingies and rest of the stuff back to normal. I am interested in medicine (especially first aid), philosophy of science, world history and theology. Volunteer rescuer, rescue diver (PADI). I run, cycle, go to thai boxing. (When and if I am not mindlesly browsing the internets)
I used to be very self-proud and of very high self esteem. I didn’t need anyone’s advice and being in full control of my life. Except that I played since I was 7, sometimes played 30+ hours in a row (no sleep, food at PC, short break to pee), got kicked out of school and university 7 times in total and got fired 2 times from the job I loved because I was not doing it. And even on freelance and entrepreneurship I failed to concentrate on any single dull task for longer than 15 minutes. Or did not start doing it at all. And my wife is deeply unhappy when I play and I promised multiple times that I will not play and that I will go and earn some money for the family. And I broke that promise on the very next day.
So, failing my life so miserably time and time again I now have courage to admit that I am not the best and smartest person in the world. (Surprize!) That I lived in a self-comforting illusion and avoided thinking about problems by escaping into gaming. That I do not control myself or the way my life is going. And I keep failing myself and my family even in the simplest tasks. I guess there is some basic personality malfunction inside, and gaming is making it worse and denies me the recognition of the problem in the first place.
One day I woke way past my 30 and realized that I almost do not remember what was happening in my life. Games simply took it away, took the first half of my life. I have almost nothing to remember. And even the most intense PVP raid in WOW is nothing compared to happiness I felt when my son first smiled on me. I want to live the second half in a different way, make it really mean something to me and the others. Help other people. Do what I always wanted to do. Make my 3 sons and wife happy. «Do not go gentle into that good night», right?
As Thomas Carlail said, «Start. That is the only way to make the impossible things possible».