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Ikar

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Everything posted by Ikar

  1. Great job with having her back! That said, if you have learned your lesson with gaming, do yourself a solid, try to make sure she learned hers. It sounds odd, but in my case my (ex)gf broke up with me, because she couldn't change me. Paradoxically, once she was gone, I could focus on myself. It took me alone time to realize my addiction affected everything in my life. I think you had a similar realization. I'm putting it out here because of my day 11. Gaming and general neglect about my life were probably the biggest reason we broke up on my part, but I have a sneaking suspicion I know what the biggest neglect on her part was as well (and it wouldn't be that she wouldn't love me) and I'd hate to be denied the opportunity to tell her that face to face. I suggest you and K have a conversation about it! You can do this ?
  2. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 11: This has to be the weirdest day since I started this journal. I started the day off with a headache, so I naturally wasn't happy about getting up at all. When I finally managed to do that, I took a painkiller (though I really dislike doing that) I watched ep. 8 of the WWII documentary while I was eating breakfast. Hour later, I still had a headache, so I decided to take a hot bath and I was just in time for lunch. After lunch however, I slept for three more hours, until I managed to get up at roughly 1500. I played some Scrabble, watched a few videos and went outside with basketball to get moving. As I feel my need for social ramping up with the absence of Twitch, I wrote my friend who lives nearby and asked him if he'd go out have a beer with me and he wrote me we can probably set up something during the weekend, so I'm looking forward to that! After that, I was chatting with my (ex)girl when she suddenly mentioned she and a guy, who she's been writing with for four years, want to meet because they understand other. I was literally neutrally surprised when I got the message. I think nothing of it, as I don't think I am in a position to do anything and I won't be there until June to share "lessons learned", so after a small lag, I casually continued in the conversation. Later on, I went onto watching some Preston Smiles and Jordan Peterson, as I felt I needed something new. Glory be to the ambivalence of life, I'm happy the headache didn't last the whole day!
  3. I just found out about Jordan Peterson and honestly, this is the perfect way to end my day. Cheers!
  4. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 10: In the morning, I watched ep. 7 of the WWII documentary while I was eating breakfast. I even brushed my teeth during the time! I worked on finishing school project 3, as today was the deadline and being already halfway done from yesterday helped immensely. In the afternoon, I cycled to go English teaching. Much to my dismay, I left my preparation for it at home on my USB! I was a bit confused and nervous, because part of my plan was gone, however I managed to pull through. In the evening, I finalized my paper and sent it, watched some Simpsons, some GQ videos and right now I'm chilling for the rest of the night, while creating the schedule below. Schedule: Mon: SCHOOL PROJECT 3 Tue: SCHOOL PROJECT 3 Wed: SCHEDULE SCHEDULE (lol) + emails, work out, reflect Thu: FIND OUT MORE TO START OWN BUSINESS = SCHOOL PROJECT + reflect Fri: SCHOOLTRIP 1 Sat: SCHOOLTRIP 2 Sun: find out more to start own ENG business? drum? get good morning/evening routines? I also see exams on uni creeping up.
  5. I volunteer! I am very grateful that I ran into Cam's TEDx talk not too long ago and I know I will persevere for 80 more days.
  6. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Thanks! She actually tried to actively change/add some of my habits before that, but obviously I felt defensive about it and I took it in the way of needing to make a stand against her. She tried to make me work out, but without her working out and being a role model, there was no way that she would accomplish that. Now I'm in a different spot however and I work out because I want to! Oddly enough, I was happy just to have her nearby, she literally didn't have to do anything, apart from being herself. My main objective is to show her that now I am in a good spot and I'll do that just by showing up. Anything else will be a bonus afterwards.
  7. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 9: In the morning, I watched ep. 6 of the WWII documentary while I was eating breakfast (I noticed I've watched ep. 3 twice according to the diary!). I had two job interviews, both involved English and I think I left a good impression on both of them. However I felt a bit anxious on the second one, because I literally set it up an hour before it happened, because I happened to be nearby. I became more anxious as I was going home, so my main objective was to not crash the car! I came home fine, became self-aware, watched Cam's video on Escapism, acknowledged my anxiety and got over it. It's sometimes funny how a bit of uncertainty about youself (like if the interviewer was happy with my English, as if I didn't know already that I'm good at it!) can spiral out further (I wasn't sure if I could get down to work on project 3, because I had to teach later on and I had "only" three hours until then). I managed to sit down on it and get some progress in in the end. After that, I taught beginners and worked on project 3, as per the rule, "Due tomorrow? Do tomorrow!" ?
  8. Hi Sapuverell! Welcome to the club ?
  9. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 8: In the morning, I watched ep. 4 of the documentary while I was eating breakfast. I like doing that, as I eat slowly and I don't need to pay 100% attention to the documentary. Afterwards I finished school project number 2, which took longer than expected but it's done and gone! Brother came for lunch and then we hanged out on the playground with basketball, had a good time even though it was dreary outside. After that, I got my hair cut, read up something more on addiction, conflict avoidance and went on working on school project number 3. I got some decent progress in and I'm happy with it. Feeling worn out, but again, another good day down for the count. Turns out life is busy even without playing games and watching streams for 12 hours a day ?
  10. I agree that the negative spiral of regret doesn't really lead you anywhere. Accepting the past as it was, something that's over, can be difficult sometimes, especially when there's other people involved. As for myself, I've never thought of all the time I "lost". Right now, I rather worry about my relationships with others, as my digital escapism had to leave a mark on them. I let them know that I'm entering a new and better phase of my life and that they, too, have something to look forward from my side! ?
  11. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    So that'd be my first week. I feel that my initial hype from quitting is over. However, I am feeling steady with my decision and I know it was a good one. I notice I sometimes escape into YouTube, chat or something else, but I rather spend 3-4 hours into them than 13-14 hours into gaming. Those activities still give me at least some feedback, as I mostly watch some GQ-related stuff. I can supervise them a lot better as well, because I'm very aware of this idea in myself and in others, so I generally just slack for half an hour and get back to work. Overall, I am very content with my progress so far and I am not afraid to tackle anything that needs tackling.
  12. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 7: In the morning, I watched ep. 3 of the documentary while I was eating breakfast. After that, I reacted to some emails regarding jobs again and searched a bit myself. I started out on one of the projects slowly. Afternoon I spent socializing, holding a conversation in English IRL. Later on, I had my mom help me out on the project (as she's an expert in the field), watched Simpsons and right now I'm discussing my Iceland venture with another friend. A day well spent. I wanted to work out, but it was raining outside! I think I'll have to step up on the project, I will get both of them done tomorrow, as it should be calmer!
  13. Hey everyone! I was wondering about this for a while. I'm on day 7 and breaking out of gaming and watching streams was a very liberating experience and freed up nearly 90% of my time that I can shift somewhere else in my life. I think I'll be still running around for a few days like a headless chicken just repairing the structures of goals that I've neglected, but I'm confident none of them will come crashing down. I'm seeing a little bit of the ancient "fight or flight" reaction in this. Imagine you have a close friend/family member who indulges in gaming, social media, alcohol, you name it, quitting on them would feel horrible and obviously you don't want to lose them. I feel like the two common "answers" to this issue is either patronizing "Just look at me dumbo, I don't game, so why should you!" or just giving up on doing anything actively, leaving it up to a chance. I think leading by example works nicely, but inspiring an alcoholic by a former gamer might feel too distant to the addict. How would you help them out? How to help others "internalize"? Feel free to link videos and resources regarding this. Thanks for all the comments and insights!
  14. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 6: In the morning, I took too long to on the project and didn't actually finish it, however there's still enough time during the weekend to pick up the slack. The school today went alright and I returned home in the evening, a bit later than expected too. I tried to shoot a video for my (ex)girl, as I was ready to have a presentation about my addiction at school, however I was only partly successful making it. I watched ep. 3 of the documentary. I'm feeling rather bewildered about the day as a whole, but I can laugh at it! I plan on staying home tomorrow and getting stuff done during the weekend, so that should work out fine for me!
  15. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Thanks! Truth to be told, plans have been on my mind for months, maybe even years. If something was a REALLY good idea, I wrote it down somewhere for future reference. Future is now! Go ahead ?
  16. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    To start off, I have to admit my productivity on my priorities is through the roof. Boredom or feeling burnt-out are a thing of the past. I also find I am more actionable on spontaneous ideas or ideas I get from other people. Less of them get done "later" (read never). Now I am almost afraid of running out of things to do! Day 5: In the morning, I got up, checked around the forums, took a bath. I mostly just fooled around, but I did send out some emails regarding job applications. In the afternoon, I cycled to my grandma and stayed there for a few hours, confiding myself about my addiction. After that, I proceeded with job applications both locally and to Iceland. I sent out. A lot. I think the total might be around 60. In the evening, I just watched some Simpsons, mostly just relaxing. I watered the plants and sent some pictures of them to my (ex)girl. Right now, I'm just winding down preparing to watch ep. 2 of the documentary while eating. Oddly enough, I did hardly anything towards my school projects. I'll get one of them done in the morning, it shouldn't take more than an hour, but I feel I need to chill somehow for the day. Feeling content with how this day went!
  17. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I missed reporting in the evening, because for basically the whole day I had a headache. I'm not a fan of painkillers, because then I'm not "sharp". Day 4: In the morning, I worked on the basic outline on school project 1 (building). I made a short school project 2 (presentation). I also prepared for English teaching. My filler activity would be watching YT videos, either TED or GQ. In the afternoon, I went to a job fair and I was able to get two or three interesting propositions and separately got more offers to teach English, I'll look into these today. Then I went to teach English. In the evening, I still had a headache, so I just watched some Simpsons, talked to mom and called it night at about 2000. Despite the fact I had a headache the whole day, I still got all I wanted done, 8/10.
  18. Hi Person! Good work for stepping up ?
  19. Hi ElectroNugget! Keep up the good work. As a future businessman (that's what I plan to do on Sunday) who wants to teach English on his own rather than as an employee, I can spot a big rift between my knowledge and "Average Joe's" one in the language and even then, I think my English is ways from flawless. So I guess it might sometimes come down to selling my "product" to someone who doesn't yet know they need it! As for art, I have no idea what the business model looks like. Surely enough, there are successful artists in the field, as there are successful English teachers. Keep trying!
  20. Oddly enough, my English is where it's at thanks to gaming and related activities. Probably one of the very few good things about it. As for slacking on other activities, depends on how you prioritize. Better prioritization comes with time, as you plan your days more and more, you make better assessment on how much time you spend doing things. I prefer not to overwhelm myself, so I don't end up lying in bed, paralyzed by stress. Airsoft was actually one of the things I thought in the past as well and I think I even did it once, great suggestion! Good idea with the dollar for masturbating too often! I think my wardrobe could use some new clothes too...
  21. Hi Dahankus! Talking to people well will come naturally, all that's needed is a hobby, passion and a community! Myself, as I consider my English pretty damn good, I teach English. Having that base confidence in my skill, it helps me stand up, present the topic and engage my students in a conversation! I'm introverted by nature, but when I teach, I HAVE TO be extroverted and be the first one to initiate and be the first one to help out if a student is lost.
  22. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 3: In the morning I did groceries. Then I had to make a call regarding my school project and regarding my temporary post job. School call went fine. I've been basically fired from my temporary post job as I've made it possibly more temporary than they had planned. I decided to take it like a man and not make a big deal out of it, as I know precisely why it happened. I really couldn't give two damns about it. If I said I was gonna show up on Tuesday, I showed up on Tuesday. Main thing was that before, I felt bad because of stealing time from gaming to steal time from schoolwork/personal development. Didn't feel bad from stealing my jobtime however, as that kind of work didn't really interest me. My job as English teacher is still ongoing however and I enjoy it very much! After the call, I went on a little bit of a panic mode and sought jobs both at home and on Iceland, both to decent effect. Afterwards, I prepared for English teaching, one TED talk and a few notes. I also worked out after about 9 months, reading some 4HB beforehand and sent a few videos of me working out to my (ex)girl, as I knew she'd be happy for me (and also because INSTANT GRATIFICATION, there, I wrote it). After that, I went on teaching. In the evening, I talked with mom, showed her the "Game Over" documentary, so I could introduce her to my new situation. After that, I watched the documentary as planned. Feeling thoroughly tired from the workout; in my book, this day was a solid 8/10. I noticed myself trying to fret three times during the day. Before job call, after job call and before workout. Realizing there's no gaming to run back to helped me stay on track, losing a few minutes to pick myself up compared to giving up a few hours gaming/watching streams with uncertain effect. Overall, today went just as planned! I even did more than I had planned! ?
  23. Good! Hope it works out for you and you'll do something you like. You make a great point with this: Exactly this, I have the same objective.
  24. Ikar

    Journal

    Nice! Half a month without all this digital content is worth the admiration! Even the masturbation, if it was your addiction too!
  25. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Thanks for sharing the experience! I can relate to that, so that's why I am keeping a schedule, or just a list of activities to do. I'm not really a fan of schedules, but to live my life as I want it, it seems necessary, as my ability to do anything else than gaming/watching streams was heavily paralyzed. After all, a regular person spends 8 hours a day at work - also according to schedule. So yes, gaming is the first challenge but turning computer time to something else goes hand-to-hand in my case!