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James S.

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  1. 11/2/20 Baby step, 20 minutes in the Word of God. Clean up the living room here and there. Clean my desk some. Spend time with my wife tonight. Goal, let go of my clan and walk away from Lineage 2.
  2. 10/14/20 I finally got some sleep. My mind is just overwhelmed with thoughts. Trying to make better decisions today. Observations I am obsessed with improving things. I can literally feel my brain go into a hyper focus, to find anything in the market to achieve my goals or find good prices. So much mental energy poured out over nothing. Fake improvement vs real improvement Small fake improvements, think I get small dopamine rewards for but it is totally not healthy thing. Feeling worn out and emotionally tired. Real improvements aren't instant gratification.
  3. Hey bro! First time I tried to quit, I kept myself busy with technical projects and such. I could only do that for so long, then I went back to my old routines. Second time, I replaced gaming with streaming movies and TV shows. Watched a lot of the walking dead with my wife and such. burnt out on it and went back to gaming Third time, tried my best to keep myself from gaming, at 9 months I was sitting there thinking I am still the same guy that tried to stop before. I literally feel no different since day one. I was just using will power to sit on my hands and not play. My job got EXTREMELY busy at the time, so I opted to let myself play till I was ready to fight it again. Each person's recovery is different, others can quit gaming and move on with their lives. With my situation, nothing to move on to. I have to discover my new life to help reduce my dependency on gaming to have an artificial life. I live in a bubble and I need to burst the bubble. At least that is my current theory.
  4. Hello community, I been a gamer since I was like 7, starting with NES games and anything I could get my hands on. I am very introverted and I have anxiety issues, so putting my head into a hole to hide...or enter a virtual world is easy like breathing. I been very fortunate that Jesus found me and saved me, I been healing from a lot of issues over the past 11+ years. I will be honest, escaping my porn addiction was way easier than breaking free from video games. With porn, I knew it was my enemy and what it was doing to me. Video games, it's like I am lulled to sleep and it is VERY hard to see it as my enemy. I attempted multiple times to quit. I made it 30 days, 90 days, and the last attempt was 9 months. I believe my main problem is I don't know what life to move forward into that take place of the current one I have. I believe this is my next challenge that I am preparing for. I am still a gamer right now on Lineage 2, and I am a clan leader. I am starting to see what my addiction is doing to me, and today is a baby step in the right direction. My goal is to back off gaming some, and take baby steps in finding a new life. As I find something worth fighting for, it will help me see my oldest enemy for what it is. 10/7/20 First steps today, pull out my guitar, tune it, and spend 10 minutes on it. Call my Mom and check in on her.
  5. Hey Hai, Fighting any addiction is a process, it takes time and seasons. Don't beat yourself up when you relapse, it is an opportunity to learn what tripped you up. My favorite quote for this
  6. This time around I made 9 months without gaming. I intentionally relapse because I found nothing really changed and I knew I was going thru the busy season. Mindless, it's all mindless unless I am not winning. Then it becomes an anger issue, having little temper tantrums that can spill into my work day if I don't catch it. I have a vision now of what I like to do instead of gaming, but at this point it's hard to not go the easy mindless direction of playing my games at night. I am gearing up for another detox, this time following that vision I didn't have before. Connected to an adult center as well this time to get out more.
  7. Hey Aggras, I am really sad to hear about the divorce. They can be emotionally painful and possibility bring out the worst in people. I am glad to hear about your daughter being your cheerleader! She sounds like a real joy of a daughter to have! If you find that you are getting deeper depressed, please seek help! I am a survivor of suicidal depression and depression in general. It can be a real monster and it has one purpose, to destroy a person's life. About getting rid of the computer, been there and done that. I struggled with a porn addiction and I had to take those types of measures. Know it is for your benefit and it won't be in vain. Recovery is one day at a time, and it is a process to heal. Some days you got it all together, others you want drown in whatever misery/vice you have. I will keep you in prayer my friend as you go thru your own recovery. Biblical studies are personal and also for a home group I teach. I am running off a lot of old memories of when I first read thru the scriptures, and it's time to reread and relearn. I am finding there are a lot of details I missed over the first time around. For the group I am focused on help making the Bible fun to explore and help people not feel intimidated by it. Right now I am planning for mid March to start my new journal and try to quit. I can't see myself being a gamer past 40, like I want to use the years I got left to more important things. That has been my current motivation. I will catch you later!
  8. Hey Aggras, Thanks for your reply! Good news! My wife and I been exploring a community adults center that is around the corner from us. Very cheap and lot to do there. We officially signed up today. They have a nice gym area and I been using the space for my biblical studies. Trying to incorporate slowing down and cook food rather than frozen stuff in the oven. That is very much a work in progress lol I been getting better with Spotify, so creating playlists for work outs and groove time. Right now I believe my biggest weak point is after work at night. Like that moment you just don't want to think anymore and do whatever (gaming or streaming a show). I don't know what I can replace it with that is healthy. I am pondering the idea of just sleep it off when I am that emotionally tired. Something I will be testing out in the coming weeks. Like I want to quit again, but this time I want a game plan.
  9. Hey gang, I tried three times to give up gaming. The longest being like 9-10 months, but I never really find a way forward. Last run I gave up gaming for streaming videos/movies constantly, and being real with myself. The gaming side of me was still there, nothing really changed. Holiday season was the busy season for work, so I intentionally relapse. Now that the busy season is over, I am gearing up to make another go at it. My biggest problem is I haven't found a healthy life style outside of gaming. All I did was mask it with streaming shows/movies. It worked out for a while since I was with my wife more, but overall I am still stuck as the same old James. My plan is to take some time and explore some options. And try to find out what else interests me that would be healthier. Hopefully by March I might have a direction to go that is better than what I did before.
  10. Days 216-223 I am coming to a realization. I might not have played a video game in all this time, but just under the surface I am still a gamer. Given the opportunity I would give in. Sometimes when I am extremely bored I watch others play, and it makes me feel better. I start wanting to tweak things and almost talking to the screen. On Youtube I been checking out things Halo lore and Extreme details. It blows my mind how insanely detail they describe things about the Halo universe...then it dawns on me. None of it is real, this guy is talking about something that doesn't exist other than fiction content like comics, books, or video games. It messes with me how deep I let my mind go into this fantasy world, and how fake it is. I am thinking I am failing at this stop playing video games thing because I never moved on. I never found another life and lived it. I am living in such a bubble, that I don't escape from my fake prison world. I don't know how to escape all this to be honest. I was even thinking about what life would be without the internet, like drop it for a number of months.
  11. Days 188-215 It seemed like nothing was changing from day to day, week to week. So I took a break from posting here. Multiple occasions I was very close to playing again. I still watch Halo playthrus from time to time. I got a new watch, a LetsFit watch. I been using it to monitor my sleep patterns. It feels like it helps me to monitor myself. Going to try to hit the gym after work. My body seriously needs to be worked. Currently working on getting to bed early so I can wake up early. So far the results of sleeping for 10-12 hours, but I am getting better results. Car problems are done. I got thru emissions finally and now we are just recovering from that financial burden. One day at a time I guess.
  12. Days 166-187 The transition has been difficult. For a minute it worked the way I planned, then my wife and fell back into our normal routines. This has been a very difficult month so far. Multiple times I was soooo close to falling back into video games. I ended up watching youtube walk thrus of the Halo games. I have no clue how I haven't started gaming again. Things are slowly getting better, taking it one day at a time. We are working to get back into the gym, we are both very overdue for it. I came to this website multiple times, but I couldn't find the strength to update my journal. Before my greatest desire was to become a computer technician. At this point I am just focusing on how to be a better administrator of our home. Like I have all these things I know needs getting done, yet I drag my butt and they don't get done. It is an uphill battle, but I gotta do it. Finding some encouraging music: Only You Can
  13. Days 160-165 This has been a good week. No problems with gaming. I hit the gym twice and I got a good sweat on. Slowly reading my bible, trying to get about a half to a chapter a day. This is a project long overdue. The last time did this was like 10 years ago. I am already benefiting from my reading. Normally I would be home asleep right now, but I am transitioning to my new work schedule this week. I am holding on for dear life and see how I come out on the other side lol
  14. Days 153-159 It was a rough week. I was a big mess come Sunday, and I just focused on putting myself back together. I had a good weekend just sorting myself out. My wife and I got to spend some good quality time in, we have gone to the library, I learned how to set up my applications on Fedora, and we hit the gym hard. I really pushed myself at the gym, sore all over. ? I am just taking it easy and enjoy my workday. I am trying to take a break from streaming movies and do more reading. Like a breath of fresh air compared to the last few weeks. The hard part is to stay this way and maintain it thru out this week.
  15. Hey Stivmorrison, Playing WoW classic is a personal decision you can make. I get the good memories with the game. Just ask yourself one question before you do. Do you want to undo the hard work you put into getting up to 5 months without games? Will this game benefit you at all other than going down memory lane? I wish you the best with what you choose my friend. ?