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NEW PODCAST: Dealing with Gaming Nostalgia

James S.

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  1. This time around I made 9 months without gaming. I intentionally relapse because I found nothing really changed and I knew I was going thru the busy season. Mindless, it's all mindless unless I am not winning. Then it becomes an anger issue, having little temper tantrums that can spill into my work day if I don't catch it. I have a vision now of what I like to do instead of gaming, but at this point it's hard to not go the easy mindless direction of playing my games at night. I am gearing up for another detox, this time following that vision I didn't have before. Connected to an adult center as well this time to get out more.
  2. Hey Aggras, I am really sad to hear about the divorce. They can be emotionally painful and possibility bring out the worst in people. I am glad to hear about your daughter being your cheerleader! She sounds like a real joy of a daughter to have! If you find that you are getting deeper depressed, please seek help! I am a survivor of suicidal depression and depression in general. It can be a real monster and it has one purpose, to destroy a person's life. About getting rid of the computer, been there and done that. I struggled with a porn addiction and I had to take those types of measures. Know it is for your benefit and it won't be in vain. Recovery is one day at a time, and it is a process to heal. Some days you got it all together, others you want drown in whatever misery/vice you have. I will keep you in prayer my friend as you go thru your own recovery. Biblical studies are personal and also for a home group I teach. I am running off a lot of old memories of when I first read thru the scriptures, and it's time to reread and relearn. I am finding there are a lot of details I missed over the first time around. For the group I am focused on help making the Bible fun to explore and help people not feel intimidated by it. Right now I am planning for mid March to start my new journal and try to quit. I can't see myself being a gamer past 40, like I want to use the years I got left to more important things. That has been my current motivation. I will catch you later!
  3. Hey Aggras, Thanks for your reply! Good news! My wife and I been exploring a community adults center that is around the corner from us. Very cheap and lot to do there. We officially signed up today. They have a nice gym area and I been using the space for my biblical studies. Trying to incorporate slowing down and cook food rather than frozen stuff in the oven. That is very much a work in progress lol I been getting better with Spotify, so creating playlists for work outs and groove time. Right now I believe my biggest weak point is after work at night. Like that moment you just don't want to think anymore and do whatever (gaming or streaming a show). I don't know what I can replace it with that is healthy. I am pondering the idea of just sleep it off when I am that emotionally tired. Something I will be testing out in the coming weeks. Like I want to quit again, but this time I want a game plan.
  4. Hey gang, I tried three times to give up gaming. The longest being like 9-10 months, but I never really find a way forward. Last run I gave up gaming for streaming videos/movies constantly, and being real with myself. The gaming side of me was still there, nothing really changed. Holiday season was the busy season for work, so I intentionally relapse. Now that the busy season is over, I am gearing up to make another go at it. My biggest problem is I haven't found a healthy life style outside of gaming. All I did was mask it with streaming shows/movies. It worked out for a while since I was with my wife more, but overall I am still stuck as the same old James. My plan is to take some time and explore some options. And try to find out what else interests me that would be healthier. Hopefully by March I might have a direction to go that is better than what I did before.
  5. Days 216-223 I am coming to a realization. I might not have played a video game in all this time, but just under the surface I am still a gamer. Given the opportunity I would give in. Sometimes when I am extremely bored I watch others play, and it makes me feel better. I start wanting to tweak things and almost talking to the screen. On Youtube I been checking out things Halo lore and Extreme details. It blows my mind how insanely detail they describe things about the Halo universe...then it dawns on me. None of it is real, this guy is talking about something that doesn't exist other than fiction content like comics, books, or video games. It messes with me how deep I let my mind go into this fantasy world, and how fake it is. I am thinking I am failing at this stop playing video games thing because I never moved on. I never found another life and lived it. I am living in such a bubble, that I don't escape from my fake prison world. I don't know how to escape all this to be honest. I was even thinking about what life would be without the internet, like drop it for a number of months.
  6. Days 188-215 It seemed like nothing was changing from day to day, week to week. So I took a break from posting here. Multiple occasions I was very close to playing again. I still watch Halo playthrus from time to time. I got a new watch, a LetsFit watch. I been using it to monitor my sleep patterns. It feels like it helps me to monitor myself. Going to try to hit the gym after work. My body seriously needs to be worked. Currently working on getting to bed early so I can wake up early. So far the results of sleeping for 10-12 hours, but I am getting better results. Car problems are done. I got thru emissions finally and now we are just recovering from that financial burden. One day at a time I guess.
  7. Days 166-187 The transition has been difficult. For a minute it worked the way I planned, then my wife and fell back into our normal routines. This has been a very difficult month so far. Multiple times I was soooo close to falling back into video games. I ended up watching youtube walk thrus of the Halo games. I have no clue how I haven't started gaming again. Things are slowly getting better, taking it one day at a time. We are working to get back into the gym, we are both very overdue for it. I came to this website multiple times, but I couldn't find the strength to update my journal. Before my greatest desire was to become a computer technician. At this point I am just focusing on how to be a better administrator of our home. Like I have all these things I know needs getting done, yet I drag my butt and they don't get done. It is an uphill battle, but I gotta do it. Finding some encouraging music: Only You Can
  8. Days 160-165 This has been a good week. No problems with gaming. I hit the gym twice and I got a good sweat on. Slowly reading my bible, trying to get about a half to a chapter a day. This is a project long overdue. The last time did this was like 10 years ago. I am already benefiting from my reading. Normally I would be home asleep right now, but I am transitioning to my new work schedule this week. I am holding on for dear life and see how I come out on the other side lol
  9. Days 153-159 It was a rough week. I was a big mess come Sunday, and I just focused on putting myself back together. I had a good weekend just sorting myself out. My wife and I got to spend some good quality time in, we have gone to the library, I learned how to set up my applications on Fedora, and we hit the gym hard. I really pushed myself at the gym, sore all over. ? I am just taking it easy and enjoy my workday. I am trying to take a break from streaming movies and do more reading. Like a breath of fresh air compared to the last few weeks. The hard part is to stay this way and maintain it thru out this week.
  10. Hey Stivmorrison, Playing WoW classic is a personal decision you can make. I get the good memories with the game. Just ask yourself one question before you do. Do you want to undo the hard work you put into getting up to 5 months without games? Will this game benefit you at all other than going down memory lane? I wish you the best with what you choose my friend. ?
  11. Days 146-152 Frustration, lots of frustration. Quitting gaming doesn't mean your life is fixed. It is just a stepping stone, or in my situation, it removes the veil to reveal the problems that I been ignoring all my life. Those problems don't get solved right away, they take time, they take seasons. Like I long to be a part of something, but we are stuck in this rut. My frustrations at times make me want to find something virtual to be a part of. It tries to wear me down into asking why am I holding out. I have to walk away from my computer. Seasons are changing. The call center I work for has gone thru shift bids last week. My wife and I talked about it, and she came up with a good idea. We are going back to Friday/Saturdays off. We are going to check out churches running Saturday night. There is no way we can screw that up lol My shifts start later, so I am preparing for war. Bed by 1pm and get up by 10am. Enjoy my mornings with my wife before work instead of feeling ripped out of bed in the mornings. I feel like I am trying to undo the damage from the past 7-8 years. We picked up bad habits/lifestyles and they have to become undone. I remember a wise lady years ago who got fed up with people coming to her with the same problems year after year. It was funny, but it was really true. "Mature! Mature! Mature!". I feel like I am just as guilty as the people she was saying it to. "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." -1 Corinthians 13:11 ESV
  12. Days 139-145 Kinda a scary week. Dealing with some issues at home. At one point I even questioned what was the point of giving up games. Really I been struggling with a lot of frustration with the limits with life. I have a shift bid coming up as well, which will dictate my next 6 months on how my schedule will look like. What I want is totally not available at all. I let a lot of my stuff go and I am gearing up to let go of more stuff. I feel like I am trying a social experiment. Who would I become if my gear wasn't available? My computers were not available what would I do with myself? My life situation SCREAMS change is needed, so I am trying to remove the distractions. I want to give up mindless watching TV or surfing the internet for going to the gym or improving my home condition. I am mindful in the morning and mindless at night. I need to find a way to be productive in both time frames.
  13. Days 132-138 No gaming this week. A few moments in a waking dream where I thought gaming was normal, then I become aware of it and shut it down. Car problems got worse and I had to take a day off to resolve it. Heating assembly hose was the problem. The car cooling system doesn't like badly anymore which is a huge pressure off my back. I made progress in getting some furniture that is not ours ready to head out of the house. Bought a cheap desk to put a smaller work station together. To give me an alternative to the home theater setup we got. I did some research and experimenting with Linux again. I wanted to set up a server box and my laptop. Question of Ubuntu server vs Centos server. Opted for Centos, but I want to keep all my systems unified with the platform I plan to use. I switched my Kubuntu to Fedora 30 with KDE Plasma. What really won me over is Ubuntu could not solve the Broadcom issue with using the built-in WiFi adapter in my laptop. Fedora solved it on the first trial. I am going to run this for a few weeks and see if it will work for me or not. If it works right I will upgrade all my computers with Fedora.
  14. Days 127-131 Not much has changed. Did some house work and rearranged our living room again. I am sacrificing my desk to give more room for the cats and my wife to do her work outs. A long time back we put our money together to get a Nintendo Wii from a pawn shop as a family event. Naturally it didn't work out. My wife wants to get her hands on it and try again to play games that require activity. I was stunned when she suggested it and I was "that is not a bad idea". Then it popped into my head...I can't do that. I can't play video games anymore. I will undo all my hard work. We discussed it and I compromised. She can only use it when I am not at home. I am wondering if I am leaving a time bomb in my living room.
  15. Days 121-126 Seems like gaming is a thing of the past. I get nostalgia every so often, but everything has changed. Like over the 90 day detox has been a shift of how our household works. My wife and I no longer at different computer screens. We are on the couch together pretty much every night. Almost hard to believe I gamed all my life. I don't know if I am on the outside looking in or something. Our new situation has it's challenges, but not the ones I started here with. At the same time I don't want to drop my guard too much. All it takes a moment of feeling comfortable and I can fall back into the black hole. As for our new challenge we are learning to balance what we watch. To cut off before I get no time to sleep. Unfortunately I can't just quit streaming videos anytime soon. Or at least to I change occupation. I found Google has made a tech support certification program that I can take which is more affordable. Hopefully it can help me get back into computer field. One step at a time, one day at a time.
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