Demogoblin2

I decided this whole thing was making me more sad than gaming was. It was reinforcing a lot of negative thoughts, and cutting a big chunk of enjoyable activity out of my life didn't really do anything to teach me balance. It just made me really stressed out. Sorry for backing out, y'all. Gonna follow my therapist's recommendation of moderation and scheduling. Good luck!

Day 21: Starting to lean in on reading in an effort to distract myself from the gaming urges. It's helping, but it's still me sitting around for an hour or so. Gonna try to have my car fixed up tomorrow, after running it into the ground for the last 4 or 5 years. I think I'm going to end up watching a lets play of a game this week, I keep sort of peeking at them. Idunno. Still no games, and still truckin'. Thx for the support

Day 19 & 20: Hoo hoo, forgot a post yesterday. I'll combine it with today's, and post a little early. I'm not gonna lie, I'm starting to mentally talk myself out of this whole thing. I really want to start playing games again, getting really weak willed about it. I started watching some let's plays of games I feel like playing. As far as productivity, I finally have that giant project out of the way. I don't think it's got a great grade but, it's done. I did a couple more things today too, and my girlfriend helped enforce the bike ride this morning. Still truckin', yo!

Day 18: Joker impacted me way more than I thought. I won't post how, because I don't want to spoil the experience for anybody. I used to make music for films and games, but I stopped because I was letting it kill me. The score for this movie really stirred up those old desires, though. But yeah, no video games today. I did really want to play Arkham Asylum, though ? Still truckin', yo!

Day 17: I didn't shake this rust off. Still a vegetable. I did go and see Joker today. It was really good. Tomorrow is zero hour on the big project, and the ball's in my court. High pressure. Still truckin', yo!

Day 16: Felt really low today, but fortunately had a therapist session today to iron out the wrinkles. I mainly just didn't want to even move today. I really gotta shake this rust off tomorrow. Still truckin', yo!

Day 15: Trying to keep a positive mindset, but the first words in my head were "I am losing the battle with procrastination." Just have had a very empty, media-consuming week. I tend to be too hard on myself, so I am trying to remember that I did basically all of my homework last Thursday, but I really could have achieved a lot more these last few days than making it to season 5 of Breaking Bad. On the plus, I bought a bike while I was out on a walk this morning. I love it. I feel like a kid on that thing, and I can tell it's going to be much more impactful in terms of fitness. Just riding home from the store left me drenched in sweat and gasping for air, way beyond any level of exhaustion at the gym. I loved it so much that I went on a second bike ride to get lunch. I'm not going to lie, I really want to sink my teeth into a long narrative game. Something like GTA V. Open world and everything. I am really craving that "Push button, get feedback" sensation, and I really want to look at neat graphics and enjoy a cool story. But, took no steps to entertain that urge today. Still truckin', yo!

Hi! Holdin' up okay?

Day 14: Hoo, boy. I think I'm in a rut here. Maybe I'm getting sick or something. I didn't do anything today again. I don't know how I fell off of the schedule, but I just haven't been going out to exercise at 9 am like I'm supposed to. That one thing in the morning simply needs to happen. I'm not behind with schoolwork, so I'm not stressing out about it, but not doing anything all day is a bit much for 3 days straight, right? The main victory to celebrate is, still no games. That void in my life is getting more and more noticeable though. I keep wanting to turn a game on. I started out really strong with it, and I'm still staying away (It helps to have packed away the consoles and uninstalled everything), but it would be just so easy to install like, Dragon Quest on my phone or whatever. It honestly feels like it's been a lot longer than 2 weeks. I really gotta be better about finding ways to stay busy. Netflix doesn't count ? Still truckin', yo!

I had watched most of it years ago, but stopped at the start of season 4. I figured with the movie coming out, I may as well try watching it all the way through! It's probably the best show I've watched.

Day 13: Empty day, and I accept that it's by choice. I have an urge to get Breaking Bad out of my life, ASAP, so now I'm in a binge mode to finish it. It's a good thing I did most of my schoolwork at the end of last week. Don't really have much else to update. Feeling bleh, but still no games.

Day 12: Very blobby day. Walked around town a lot to shop for a bicycle, but didn't see anything I liked. Lots of breaking bad today, and I finally cracked a book open again. Just a bunch of consumption all day, really, but the walk felt good. Still truckin', yo!

Day 11: I took another walk this morning, around an hour. The $20 Playstation 2 at the thrift store was nagging at me, so I stopped in to see if it was still there. It was. I didn't buy it again. I think I might want to go there frequently to keep deciding not to buy it. Every time I walk away from it I feel a little better about myself. I did talk to my girlfriend about buying it though, and remembered that I tend to obsess over stuff I want a lot. The thought of the item keeps eating away at me until I end up buying whatever it is just to shut my brain up. So maybe I should keep my distance and avoid the matter entirely. Watched a lot of Breaking Bad today, then dove back into reading finally. I'm about 1/3 through four different books, and I kind of want to knock em out one at a time to clear the docket. I'm way ahead on school stuff so far, which is a good feeling. Haven't cooked in a while, so I should probably do that soon. I think I prefer walks over the exercise bike. More scenic, more private and personal. I've always liked walks. Maybe I should start working on my actual bicycle soon. Still truckin', yo!

Day 10: I had a weird nightmare last night. In the dream, someone was playing Spyro: The Dragon. They couldn't find all the gems in a level, and I knew where every single one was. I demanded the controller and completed the level 100%. Then, in the dream, I remembered the gaming detox, I remembered I was on day 9, and I felt devastated about what I had just done. "You threw it all away just for this?" was the thought in my head. Weird. Anyway, the day itself turned out pretty good. Took a long walk, made breakfast, did more homework and watched some breaking bad. Did a lot of cat maintenance as well. The dream kind of shook me, though. On the walk, I stopped at a thrift store and found a Playstation 2 for $20. Very tempting, took a pass on it. Hopefully these thoughts aren't emblematic of any major impulses in the future. Still truckin', yo!

Day 9: Woah, 10% there! Therapist session went good. We're both a little skeptical about how well this all seems to be going for me, but it's all certainly on the right track. She didn't have any advice as far as my avoidance of public spaces, but she did encourage me to use my afternoons/evenings to explore my creative interests, such as writing, drawing, music making, etc. In the meantime, still a bunch of schoolwork to do. Had a few of those "I oughta turn on that game" urges today, but they got stamped out pretty quick. Still truckin', yo!