BooksandTrees

Welcome back. I don't want you to forget my story. I too was addicted to RuneScape, three times. I too had a 1.0 GPA for almost 2 years. I got my 3.2 GPA after by getting that 4.0. I have my own life. I now have friends. I now am 48 weeks without gaming. You can do it, too. I believe in you.

Today marks 48 weeks I've been away from video games. To celebrate the occasion I re-read the article @Ikar suggested I read about following dreams - this time with some more mental clarity. The article resonated with me more this time and made sense. The author actually touched on every issue I've been battling with regarding attention seeking, thinking my problems will go away, and fantasizing so much that it distorts my reality and inevitably lets me down. The biggest reason I've been able to stay away from video games is my social network. I see friends at least 3 times per week now and have worked hard to develop interests in activities to keep this a reality. I play board games, rock climb, go out to eat, watch movies, and even exercise with friends at various times. This has given me more attention and fulfillment in life than being the best NHL player in the world for 4 straight years. Having fantasy friends does not equate to the reality of having friends who are there for you. An example of how I'm still doing this to myself in another avenue of life is porn vs dating. I see these unbelievably attractive women on porn sites who spend hours in makeup to look perfect. They say the perfect things, often fake to keep viewership indulged (boring porn stars will get comments about how she's not moaning enough or making any facial expressions), and they also do things that the viewers expect such as a fetish or something. Porn also makes the viewer insecure because they wonder if they could ever please another person the way an actor or actress could please another. It turns into a pit of insecurity and low self worth. Who would ever find me attractive without having the perfect body or amount of experience required to please someone the "right way". This is absolutely different in real life and I think I'm finally hitting the point with porn today that I hit with video games last fall. Last fall I was tired of fake friends, the sleepless nights, the brain fog, the lack of social development, the lack of happiness, and hobbies. Now I'm frustrated with the lack of emotional and physical connection with women. I'm tired of using porn as a crutch and I think I'm finally ready to walk on my own. I've learned over the past 3 weeks that I had online dating apps and online dating. I swipe through women's profiles much like I scroll through the "suggested videos" feed on porn sites. If someone doesn't have the "look" I want, I don't even read their bios. I just swipe away and am uninterested. I then build a fantasy of the woman I swipe with and picture them a certain way. They let me down each time. Granted, the two women I recently mentioned these past two weeks are not necessarily in that boat and did their own things for letting me down. Still, there are similarities I want to highlight and mention from several women I've talked to this past year. The main one would be the woman I went to Dallas with to watch hockey. We met at a wedding and talked about hockey and I just enjoyed her company. I spent the next 6 months watching hockey games with her over skype and we eventually decided to watch a game. I thought we were going to fall in love on this trip and become a couple. We had a luxury hotel, a city to ourselves, and 4 days together. What I realized was I couldn't do it. In the article Ikar suggested to me, a man and woman met and online dated for several months. They decided to meet up in her area of the world because he felt there was no other woman like her. After a few days not only did he realize he didn't like her, he grew very angry about the reality of what just happened to him. It was a let down emotionally, but a fantasy let down as well. He duped himself and felt stupid. When I flew back to Boston from Dallas I felt unbelievably angry. Not at her. She did nothing wrong. She had fun, she was kind to me, we watched hockey together, and she continues to be a nice friend to me. We only talk hockey. I was so angry on my ride home from the airport. I decided to take my vengeance out on my life. I quit my job a month after it. I then stopped talking to a ton of friends and suffered. It was terrible and I won't re-open what happened because I already detailed it back from April-June in my diary. I let fantasy ruin me. Getting my life back fixed me. I got my job back, saw my friends again, and regained my independence and my life became better than it has ever been. This relates to what the author said about following dreams. He wanted to play the guitar and be a famous musician. He did not want to practice for 6 hours a day, set up gigs, lug his gear, deal with finding bandmates, etc. I want to be a cartoonist. But I don't want to learn how to draw from scratch or anything. It's evident that I don't like the process of what I'm doing because I never look forward to doing it. This has broken me over the past two years. I thought video games were the reason I wasn't focusing on this hobby. 1 year has passed and I don't want to do it still. I don't enjoy the process. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to just sit down and write. I'm good at it when I do, but I just don't want to draw and learn software and then practice and then do 500 hours of work to produce 2 minute clips. The thing I've been trying to understand is why I don't enjoy the process. I don't enjoy learning something mentally new after work. I don't mind learning physical things after work. I think it's because my job is mentally draining. I enjoy the work now though. It's just exhausting learning complex physics as well as managing projects, learning new software at work for modeling structures and finite element modeling, communicating with people all day, etc. After work I want to learn 3d modeling software for animation, but I just spent all day in that software at work. It's unrelated software though so I can't really apply the traits other than my mental ability to conceptualize things in my head in 3d and translate them to the screen. I'm very good at that. I'm just tired. I want to have fun. I want to keep going out and meeting people. The issue is I'm not meeting people doing things that I enjoy. Right now I enjoy rock climbing, comedy, hockey, and food. There are always events to attend around me, but most are trendy things that I don't care about. I also know I don't like being inside all day. It produces brain fog and disappointment. As much as I want to spend time inside, I want to be outside ten times more than normal. If I wake up on Saturday (today) and stay inside I get heavy eyed, brain fog, and depressed within a few hours. I can't just sit on the computer. I feel the urge to go outside and do something. It's this incredible pull. I just want it to be meaningful. I don't want to just walk around, but I also don't want to be signing up for crazy sports leagues and destroying my free time as well. I just can't look at a screen for a long time anymore in my spare time. I dislike it. I know this post is way too long and nobody read this far down, but thank you for reading. My point is after almost a full year I still struggle and I think a lot of it has to do with porn and reluctance to keep trying things at first that aren't fun. Like playing sports but not practicing. Sometimes practice is what makes you enjoy the sport. Watching the Patriots win the superbowl isn't as fun unless I watch every game. It just means more when you put in the work and enjoy the process. Maybe I'm not learning to enjoy the process.

I also didn't feel anything after 90 days. I think it's because I knew I had done longer before and just wanted to keep my focus going. Don't feel bad if you don't feel anything special right now. It just means you're still focused on so much improvement. Just don't get overwhelmed by that either. You're walking a very strange, but important fine line and learning a lot.

Nice job. Keep up the good work. I'm glad you're really connecting with your girlfriend. This is something you really needed last year and I think it's been nice for you this year.

Looking forward to seeing the the 90 day post. Congratulations!

Are you currently working right now as well? I worry about the gaming stream because I think it will conflict with the progress you've made.

Great job on 90 days. Take some time to reflect in a post in an upcoming day and highlight what you've noticed. My biggest thing was the reduction of brain fog, boost of happiness, less of a mental pull to play games when I had spare time, reduced anxiety, more self awareness, etc. I didn't start noticing comfort in myself until over 180 days though. I'm still an over thinker, but I am much more calm and appreciate myself and my time more now. The greatest thing is I have the ability to leave my house and do something I want to do. I don't feel like I have to game. I don't have to do anything anymore. I can climb, cook, shop, do nothing, hike, play board games, draw, etc. Nothing is holding me anymore. I am free. I hope you get that feeling as well.

I'm 47 weeks free from gaming now. I'm a little over a month away from 1 year. Something I wanted to do this weekend was watch a gaming stream from a video game I used to be the best in the world at. I felt sick in the head. I got that brain fog feeling again right away. I just started getting sad about the whole thing. The reception I got from the Twitch chat box was "Wow! What a blast from the past! The best!" and then nobody talked to me. I lurked around other streams hoping to talk to people but nobody really cared that much. This was good for me. It made me realize that I put these people above my own friends and family, personal interests, and personal health for no reason. It was a confirmation that I feel better away from video games. It made me realize I actually talk to people now who care about my well being and genuinely want to spend time with me instead of wanting me on their team so they can have the best team. I haven't had video game cravings since maybe February, but I'm now in a state where I'm kind of repulsed by video games and a lot of the community. I've kind of been stressed recently and wanted to escape into some games to just build stuff. Instead, I just listened to music, wrote some stories or some ideas for future stories. I then just went to bed because I realized I was tired and felt better the next day. The dating scene has stressed me out a bit, but I'm getting better at it. I have a date later today and I got another woman's phone number who I'm interested in. I also met up with my two artist friends all day yesterday. We just spit-balled ideas around regarding our hobbies. All three of us were stressed out by the progress we've made on the cartoon so far. We realized we didn't want to create a pitch for a studio. We did all the fun parts and the rest is just a job honestly. We're treating it just like a full time job after working a full time job and we won't see the results for a few years. It's stressful and demoralizing. What we're doing instead is just spending the rest of this year researching and practicing things. We're then going to start producing smaller deliverables with the cartoon such as 1-5 minute shorts and podcasting about the cartoons we're making. We can build an audience and hone our craft until we decide to make longer videos. We're also going to be podcasting our progress in a certain way that's enjoyable after some time once we get our feet stable. I'm also going to be writing my book more when I feel like it as well as dedicate some time to art projects. Thanks for the support recently. I'm starting to get ideas for how to celebrate after a year.

What are your plans for after the 90 days?

I agree with this. When my life becomes overwhelming I easily feel the need to give up and find a rewarding activity which requires little effort. That is just an easy way to say porn or something. I will read this article today. I think I'm just starting to get out of these crazy dream states and just want to enjoy my free time. I've been so conflicted about wishing I could enjoy writing like I enjoyed playing RuneScape. Did I enjoy playing runescape? It was very stressful and I hated the community. Maybe I'm learning what enjoyment is.

That's what I miss about video games. They sort of make you feel content and not a desperate need to be amazing at things. I miss slowly working at things for a few months and being good at them. It's just difficult because you play a game and if you're bad you can blame the game or play another game. You also get rewarded for failing in most games. If you suck at drawing or writing the product is right in front of you. You have to be alone with your failure. Unless you can change your perspective and just enjoy the fact that you drew or wrote. Then you can keep going with it. I've learned to have more patience and feel better. I mentioned in the response to 30 years that I wrote last night and felt good about it. This is something I'd like to expand upon in the future.

Don't worry. My story is so long lol. I've been on the site for over a year so it's a huge book. I am an overthinker. I don't really understand how to not think about shit. I get into a zone of frustration and just have all of these thoughts in my head built up from a number of stressors and when something new gets presented to me I just think about it. I found last night to be helpful because I just listened to atmospheric music and wrote a few pages of a book I've wanted to write. I don't care if it gets famous or sold. I just want to write it and see where my characters go. I did stop boxing because it's just too much. I feel like I have to be there by a certain time and I can't just box and punch shit. It feels so rushed. I have to do like 45 minutes of exercises before I start punching and all I want to do is punch stuff, move fast, and leave maybe once or twice a week. They also close at 8 PM and I get home at 6:30 some nights and can't exercise until 7 PM. Then they get mad at me for showing up "late". But it's not a classroom setting. It's an open gym. It's conflicting. I'll see where the dating goes. I get annoyed with dating sites and apps because my photos aren't these model shots with perfect lighting and effort like most women have on their profiles. I tend to attract women I'm not attracted to and feel obligated to date them. However, in person I am able to attract women who are absolutely beautiful and they flirt with me and I can get their numbers. This gives a false sense of confidence. I think the apps are actually hurting my feelings more than helping. I'm not sure I'm very interested in this woman I'm seeing and it is getting to me. We get along well and she's a good talker. She's average looking and her career is uninteresting to me. We have no similar hobbies or activities to share. It's just talking. Thank you for the advice.

I think I'm in denial about my hobbies and interests. I keep telling people I'm interested in writing books, cartoons, and animating along with website stuff. But I don't attempt to work on them at all and all I want to do is socialize with friends after work, play board games, rock climb, watch TV, and relax. When I have a weekend coming up I just like to do outdoorsy things and enjoy life. I think I have this urge to do something incredible and create this major art piece or something. But the desire to do it and the pressure coming is just terrible. The only thing I would want to do is make a funny podcast with friends. The cartoon dream is very stressful and I'm not wanting to ever work on it. I'm just wondering if I just think these things will be a good idea etc. The amount of work that goes into all of these things is ridiculous. They're all full time careers. I don't want to do that right now. Am I just putting all of this pressure on myself for no reason? I'm 46.5 weeks free from games and have not created a single thing. I've boxed and rock climbed more than the cartoon. I started the cartoon idea in 2016 and I have a script I wrote in 2019 in 16 hours. The rest I've just put off. Do I really want to do it? I don't like doing things alone and miss the social aspect of board games and video games. That's why I play sports with friends and go out wtih them. Other news, I have a date on Sunday and had a good talk with that girl tonight. She's nice to talk to and I'm getting more comfortable with her. Who knows, maybe this turns into my first girlfriend in TEN YEARS. Who knows?

The date I went on with the other girl on Monday was a lot better. She was much more laid back and easy to get along with. We ended up talking for 3 hours and had fun. I still just feel overwhelmed right now by life in a few ways. I think I'm still doing too much with my time. I took today off from work to have an easy day of focusing on myself. The past year has really bogged me down and it's rare that I have a good weekend to myself. I never actually plan anything for myself either. Something I noticed is that I get so busy during the week that I don't plan my weekends and then the weekend comes and I have nothing to do. The discrepancy between stress levels causes depression on both ends. Overwhelming activity for 5 days causes me to just want peace and to relax. The underwhelming loneliness on weekends causes sorrow and isolation. Both cause depression in different ways and feed off of each other. I have actually achieved unhealthy balance here - which is very interesting if you think about it. I'm thinking of giving up boxing. I say this because it's a major commitment and not as stress relieving as I once thought. I feel guilty not going and it's always a hassle. Once I'm there it's ok, but it's kind of a pain and the trainers make you feel like you need to stay there for 3 hours at a time. That's a lot of fucking time and it just wears me out fast. I'd rather just enjoy life after work. I'm thinking now that I just go to the gym "sometimes" and not feel the need to build a crazy schedule. My therapist suggested 10-15 times per month doing general full body exercises for 30 minutes a day - tops. Then after work I can play board games with friends or rock climb if I want. Maybe go for a walk. This change should also alleviate some anxiety deep within regarding hobbies. I wanted to exercise to destress after work so I could work on hobbies. What's actually happening is I spend 3 hours at this gym, take a shower, eat dinner, and pass out. I'm not actually even thinking about my hobbies. It's been a month since I've done my hobbies, which annoys me. I'm starting to understand my body more and want that balance. I don't mind watching a movie anymore. I actually enjoy it. It's a great way to unwind my brain for a set period of time and not get addicted. I can do this once a week and just look forward to it. It's like I'm treating myself. One of my flaws has been thinking I need to fill all of my spare time so I don't play games. That's actually a successful strategy for beginners looking to quit gaming. Fill all your time and stay busy so you can't game. The issue is that is followed by burnout. Many game quitters relapse after 60-120 days because of burnout. Not all, but many. It's because we want to escape from all of the shit going on. You feel good after accomplishing so much, but one week comes where you're exhausted and some life events stack up on top of all the new hobbies and social activities you're doing and you crack. I'm just going to appreciate the hours of free time I have between activities. Sometimes you need to let yourself relax or talk on the phone. If you're still feeling motivated during that free time, then pursue that activity. For me, I need to cut out boxing. It's making my day too time constrained. They're only open from 3-8 PM. I get home from work around 6 PM and get there at like 6:30. They make me feel sttressed out for not going and then it's a huge hassle. I just want to fucking relax sometimes and not have a commitment lol.

Eating should never feel rushed. It's one of those few hallmarks of the day for everyone where you're supposed to detach from your tasks and enjoy it if possible. Commune with friends and family or focus on yourself and appreciate the flavors. Eating a good meal can be therapeutic in many ways as it's a sensory boost and also replenishes energy and nutrients to the body.

I gotta agree with the sleep statement. One of the things that has really helped in my recovery is sleeping consistently. This is a firm foundation in life that promotes other habit changes. Like making enough time for 3-5 meals per day (size dependent), and then scheduling time for work, hobbies, and relaxation. I'd also add that you should really allow yourself to relax. Something that kills gamers in recovery is the belief that watching a movie hurts them or reading a book hurts them. In reality, we're being hyper critical of wasting time and that's creating stress. If you just quit games, allow yourself to watch TV or read if you really are tired. Yoga and stretching also helped me a lot. Many gamers in recovery become aggressive in changing their habits. No phones, no tv, no movies, no books, nothing. I struggled in my first 3-6 months of game quitting because I took everything out of my life. But what I appreciate now is having a TV show to watch at night for an hour. I enjoy reading 3-5 hours per week. I enjoy having movie night. We used to have these nights as kids and it never made us addicted or have brain fog. The stress we put on ourselves for not relaxing sometimes is arguably worse than game addiction because of the other health detriments it creates such as poor sleep, anxiety, dietary issues, and depression.

Are you talking about streaming like a podcast sort of format? It wouldn't be gaming, right? I've always wanted to create something like this.

I agree with you. I'm very interested in having sex now and it's a distraction. I'm just very down about dating. I want to commit some time to figuring out my hobbies because I want to rule some out. I've already realized I'm not a huge fan of boxing so far. I want to do more artistic things and dedicate time to myself. I'd like to get a goal for a weekend and plan things out so I can look forward to doing things I want to do and not things someone else wants to do. A relationship is only going to force me into "let's do this for this weekend omg yes ok hehehehe yay" and it's some trendy fucking date. I just want to date myself a bit and figure out what I love and who I am. I haven't done that enough.

I think you'll find someone eventually who gets you excited to talk to them and also share mutual interests with you. I'm not sure if he was leading you on at all while this was happening, which is unfair. If so, don't take all of the burden of this onto yourself. I would just continue to learn from this and not dwell on it. Take it for what it is and move forward.

@Lea and @Ikar thank you for the support. I messaged her today explaining that I feel bad about hurting her feelings, but I did not find a chemistry between us that would warrant future dates. She took it in a mature way and wished me good luck although she did not agree about the chemistry front. I just felt like she was so boring to talk to with stuff. We had no mutual interests. I love hockey, anime, superheroes, movies, fantasy/science fiction works, rock climbing, the ocean, birds, and artwork. She likes traveling, trail walks, exercise, and nothing else really. I just found that we were both kind of wanting to be in a relationship but had nothing to build off of in order to do it. We had no similar music tastes and our meal tastes were sort of similar. I was also not really physically attracted to her. She had great legs, but her appearance was very identical to a close friend of mine who passed away from cancer 3 years back and that put me off a bit. She had the same laugh, same face, same smile, same personality type. She was also very introverted so if I didn't control the conversation it didn't go anywhere and would lead to either an awkward moment or a desperation question to keep conversation going. There was no comfort in talking. I reiterate my notion that I believe there was an air of desperation surrounding the whole thing. My issue is I think I was initially interested because I have not had sexual relations with someone in almost a decade and that was pushing me into it. That's not fair to do to someone. If I had gone after her most private part of life for self interest that would have made her feel terrible and potentially really hurt her. I'm not interested in making someone feel that bad for my own self interest. Porn is there for a reason and I'm not making an excuse for it. I just don't want to go down that route of one night stands.

I'm now 46 weeks without gaming. I'm disappointed with how my dating adventure has gone so far because I don't think I'm ready to date. I'm disappointed that I even attempted it. I've only been out of my mother's house for 9 weeks and the thought of being tied down in a relationship disturbs me from the inside and I can't shake it. I spent a week talking to two women and got their numbers and arranged dates. I began to feel stressed out by communicating with them. Not only that, but my dating profile is not a good representation of me. A reason for this is because I'm just starting to discover myself. I have been rock climbing for about 2 months, boxing for 3 weeks, and writing my cartoon off and on for a few months. My hobbies are developing but my lifestyle is still torn. Even after 46 weeks I still struggle to piece together an identity that isn't a gamer. I don't have cravings to play at all. I don't feel the yearn to go back. I just kind of miss having an identity. I miss getting excited to do activities. I get excited to rock climb, but I'm iffy about boxing. I don't totally love it, I just like doing it sometimes. I want to do something more funny and be around other nerdy people. I don't want it to be a stupid memefest thought. I want that fine grey area between meme morons and regular people. I just want to create absurd art, host a funny podcast, make my cartoon, make a youtube video, and get excited to make things. I just haven't. I keep having to do wedding stuff for my friends or see family or do something stupid. I'm not actively planning things to do on weekends for myself. I want to plan a vacation or plan an activity for myself and not feel like I have obligations to do things with others. Even with the dating profile I felt trapped. This one girl messaged me non-stop for 2 days outside of work. I felt stressed out trying to respond. I then talked on the phone with her for a few hours and had a decent date tonight. I just didn't feel like I was attracted to her and felt repulsed when she went in for a kiss. She reminded me of my old roommate and of another friend who unfortunately passed away from cancer a few years back. I'm afraid to break her heart or let her down, but in reality I've only known her 4 days. She's just pouring a lot into me and I feel very overwhelmed. She's a good person I just think she's desperate in a way and I'm not ready to date in another way. This was the first weekend I've had to myself in 6 weeks and I blew it on a stupid date. She even wanted to go on another date with me tomorrow. I'm canceling it and saying I'm not ready. I can't do this right now. I'm going through too much transition. So frustrating. Now I have to get suited for a wedding tomorrow. This shit doesn't end. I'm just aggravated. I won't go back to video games right now, but I'm disappointed at how long this process has taken me to start to find a life I enjoy. I know it's because of the stress I undertook with my old roommates, my mom, and my job dilemma - mostly my mom during 7 months of the 10 months so far. I have to persevere. Like I said, I'm not craving gaming at all. I just feel defeated in a way. I don't want to game again because of how empty it made me feel. I just feel empty now as well with less brain fog and less depression.

It is important. Sometimes I get caught feeling guilty but I've gotten better. If I say no the people give me negative feedback, but if they say no to me nothing bad happens. So I just realized I can do that and not feel bad over minor things. I am enjoying the rock climbing and boxing. I met a girl climbing and I'm going to ask for her number. We get along well so I want to explore that. Thanks for the encouragement and I hope your relationships with these people don't hinder your development.

I wouldn't fully blame the phone or beat yourself up. Millions of people deal with the same thing you are in the mornings. Something I've done to combat this is schedule grocery shopping at like 7 or 8 in the morning on my first day off. It gets me out of the house fast. The second day I either plan outside activity early, or a slow cooker meal that takes hours ti finish by dinner so my morning starts early and I have reason to get up. Don't beat yourself up. It's worse for us because we're focusing on ourselves so much. One of the ways we move forward is just accepting some things as normal. Sometimes we are normal.

I'm 45 weeks without gaming now. I think something I've noticed is that I have been saying "no" to things more often and it has made me feel better. But it's tough when you schedule new hobbies and activities. The boxing gym I attend makes me feel like I should spend 3 hours there doing a full workout. I don't really have time for it and I don't get there in time to do that anyways. I also don't want to do that every day of the week. Mindfulness is something that has been a developing cornerstone in my mental health improvement. I'm learning what comforts me when I'm mentally stressed or physically stressed. I'm learning whether I need to relax and listen to peaceful music (I love atmospheric drum and bass) or whether I need to do boxing or something like that. Mindfulness has also made me realize that once my mind is clear of clutter I want to be creative. I'm still not scheduling time for myself to write, draw, create 3d sculptures or even clay sculptures. I'm not learning to animate on the computer or anything. I'm not angry about this, though. For the past year I've complained in my diary that I want to be creative, but get so anxious and stressed about being perfect at it. This anxiety and perfectionism comes from my efficiency drive during the day. When you have a set amount of hours to meet deadlines at work your mind is in gear. You're in a state where you need to function perfectly and get the task completed. Hobbies and creativity isn't like that. You need to plan things out, investigate your feelings and just think. Thinking isn't efficient. Sometimes it's best to clear your mind and day dream a bit. Let your subconscious deliver things to your active thoughts that inspire you to create or plan something. When I get stressed I rant and do funny things that just come to me. I mix that with relaxing thoughts to music and my imagination takes off. I think of story plots, character development, artwork, podcast topics, everything. This is good and I need to take the next step. The next step is to dedicate time to these thoughts. This circles back to the issue I had with getting anxiety and not being able to work on the hobbies when I have time - I already answered that, though. I've learned how to de-stress. One of the things I've learned over the past year away from video games is how to relax. I just don't practice it. I like exercising, socializing, listening to relaxing music, stretching, mindfulness, etc. It's time to complete the routine. I've filled my schedule up with activities and that's been nice, but I want to structure my day to also allow me the mental levity to work on a hobby or watch TV and read. Mindfulness will help me decide which activity I want to do based off of my day and that will naturally turn into something where I know what hobby I want to do. The stuff I've been putting off is my cartoon, 3D sculpting in blender, acrylic color pouring, writing some of a book, a funny YouTube video, and maybe a podcast. Now calm down. I'm not going to do all of these. That's what's adding to the anxiety issue. It's going to take years to do these things. My cartoon will take another year for a pitch. The book will take 2-4 years. Sculpting takes years of practice, but I want to do it. Acrylic pouring will take some time to develop. So it's just practicing once in a while and eventually I'll decide that I don't want to do one or two of them. I might not want to write a book. I have no idea. But being mindful will help me approach those decisions. Practicing will direct the decisions.

Lol you are much less spiteful than I am at times. That is good. I'm trying to work on that.