BooksandTrees

Don't lose hope and don't hold a grudge against the ones who say no. You gotta own this and own yourself. You have a lot to prove. You're making your way in life and establishing the next chapter of your life. Don't cry over this. Keep focusing on yourself and learn to love yourself more. You got this. You're doing great, on track to graduate with a strong degree and are providing yourself with a path to walk on past college. I still haven't found anyone, but it makes me know that when I finally find a woman who DESERVES ME that I'll cherish every fucking second I have with her because she's that special. It's worth it in the end. Also, listen to Falling Apart by Papa Roach.

That's awesome. I'm glad you went into this detail. I felt bad providing criticism, but I really want to know more about you and just see how you're progressing and what's happening. Obviously, it's your choice to speak about what's going on in your life. I just think it's important when we hit those struggles to keep diving into it and exploring what the issue may be.

Welcome. Don't bother editing your first post. Keep posting new updates so people see you're adding responses. It will get your post recognized and you'll gain some supporters. Looking forward to tracking your progress.

I started building a website for my hockey stories and podcasts that I mentioned a few posts back in the hobby post. I'm taking a break from the cartoon because it's just so overwhelming. I went through my post, analyzed the blue vs red ratio and content, and realized I wanted to change my focus. I've been able to develop this website for a few hours at a time. I'm learning a lot and I'm surprised how eager I am to keep developing the website. Once it's fully developed I'll share a link to it in this thread. It will be a hobby I'm interested in and I won't be stressed out about creating the website and such. I was so stressed out about the process of web design that I ignored my passion for hockey writing and also ignored other hobbies. I'd get overwhelmed with what I had to do. Now that I focused and learned about my problems with hobbies I'm not treating this website like a job. I'm just excited for it.

I've felt the same way. I didn't crave porn or masturbation for like 12 days, but decided to masturbate because I was so stressed out. I just realized I had a lot of sexual frustration pent up. Only issue is I've watched porn every day since. I don't really crave it right now though. I think I will stop the nofap thing, but I'll try to limit the porn being involved. I recognize it as a strong resolution to sexual frustration and stress when exercise and individual success can't calm that storm.

Thank you for the kind words. You'll get here and even further. I know it. Sometimes the best focus is not focusing at all and moving forward with keeping yourself busy, learning, and lots of introspection. Don't be sad for something to not be sad about. Be happy you're trying and supporting yourself. Loving and supporting yourself is the greatest gift you could ask for from yourself.

This has been an issue with my dating adventures as well. I don't like to travel and I feel like social media had influenced people to travel so much. Travel blogs make a ton of money because they entice you to do it. It's an addiction. An expensive addiction.

I am starting to think the experience of finding a woman is more important than finding a woman and having her. Dating apps are not the answer. I think if we live life pursuing our interests, eating at our favorite restaurants, and being a positive member of our community that we'll find a woman. That woman will see us for who we truly are and grow fond of us because of our true selves, not 6 gimmicky photos and a cheap biography. Continue teaching, learning, and participating in our community. You'll find someone who walks at your pace and isn't using you.

Mohammad, I apologize for being critical of you for your recent posts. Please accept my apology if I sound rude. I just read one or two pages and all you say is you didn't play a game today. You're failing and restarting your day counter and then getting angry that you're failing. Write down why you're failing. We're all strangers here. None of us can offer you help if you're not going to open up and elaborate on why you're failing. I don't know what your hobbies are, what you do for work, do you live alone or have family, are things stressing you out causing you to seek video games as a stress release??? Since you're not writing about trying to change or giving any details about your experience quitting video games all I can assume is you're going on shear willpower to quit games and battling every day. When you battle every day eventually you lose. Discuss why you're seeking video games, what in your life is a trigger, and formulate some ideas for replacing the need to game. I played games because I was lonely and wanted to get attention and achievement. I now do better at work, rock climb, play board games, and eat out with new friends. I have zero cravings anymore. It's not a battle for me to stay away from games now because I've discovered why I played and replaced the needs. I'm 50 weeks in a row without gaming because I'm no longer fighting. I'm living. I apologize if I sounded rude, but please elaborate on your experience and let us help you. Nobody is going to be able to help if you're just writing a day counter.

Try doing just games. Video games are so difficult to quit and it's easy to get caught up in the highs and lows. I think quitting multiple things at once can cause overload. Stay strong.

Today marks 50 weeks free from video games and 1 whole year away from social media! I'm so proud of myself. Quitting social media was a major step in reducing my stress. I used to purposefully search for people in comment sections saying stupid things so I could take my anger out on them. I'd say terrible things to them for being stupid. It was wrong of me and was turning me into a sour person. I recognized I was searching for them to reduce my stress, yell at them, but also affirm my "belief" that society was stupid and not worth it. I have learned to make new friends over this past year and change my outlook on life. I'm less angry and depressed. I don't feel activated all of the time and ready to argue. I just feel more at peace. I highly suggest people quit social media if they're doing anything similar to what I was doing. My financial status has been an interesting one. I feel like I've been spending too much money on food, drinks, and other things recently. This also combines with the dating where the guy always has to pay for the meals. I'm not really interested in doing this anymore. I want to meal prep more on Sundays, find some new recipes, and also find some cheaper activities. I'm going to cancel my gym membership and I need to stop doing expensive activities with people for the sake of not being lonely. I spent a few hundred dollars last weekend with friends and I am disappointed with myself. I had fun, but I also need to be more patient with myself and not panic hangout. I will say the one negative to quitting video games is a lot of the hobbies I'm interested in trying all cost money. Video games only cost $5/month for RuneScape subscription costs. Rock Climbing is $120/month, the gym is another $20/month, I'm paying for adobe creative suite which I don't use that is $30/month. I am also going out to eat 3-4 days per week which is anywhere from $200-300/month on top of food that goes bad which is another $50/month. I used to be very avid in not eating out so I have no issues going back to it. I think it's a no brainer to quit my gym membership and meal prep. I feel much less pressure this week regarding hobbies now that I've put my cartoon aside and my books. I think I want to just focus on stuff I'm in the mood to focus on. Right now it's more of wanting to focus on hockey, comedy, and rock climbing. I also recognize I've been stressed with work and working overtime. So I'm not pressuring myself as much.

What are you going to think about in particular to these events today? Is it something you're going to change in your life or are you just interested in general?

Good job. I knew running would be helpful. This could be a new thing for you. At the very least it will boost overall health and sleep. Good luck on the new job search. Who knows what you'll find.

Thank you three for the support and responses. I waited until I had some time to digest my thoughts and talk to my therapist to respond. I get in phases where I think in black and white too much and that's a problem. It took da Vinci years to paint the mona lisa and it takes authors years to write books. I don't have to abandon my hobbies or interests. I need to develop the strategy I have with my anger which is recognizing when I'm getting angry and act to disengage from it. If I recognize the anxiety I have regarding hobbies then I'll quell my displeasure and expectations with myself. I get in the mood to do hobbies and then I don't want to do them for a while. That's fine. I'm gonna do that. My plan now is work on my hockey website, rock climbing, and go to stand up comedy shows and eventually perform. Some nights I might want to draw. I want to develop an understanding of myself where I know what I want to do for a week and then do something new after. I also agree with you guys about the random sex idea. It's not worth it. I don't want to risk STDs and the stigma regarding that activity. I'd rather just fall in love with someone somehow.

Good job with your streak of good days. Keep it up. Gyms can be fun and a good place for you to expand your experience with exercise.

Hobby Issues I'm going to try to process my ideas for hobbies and understand why I'm interested and why I'm not. This post will identify my reasons for wanting to try these hobbies and note the feelings I feel when trying to pursue them. This will be a long post so if you read it fully I'll be extremely thankful for your thoughts and feedback as this is the major reason I quit gaming in the first place. Write 3 books I want to write these books because I think they'd be good stories. I enjoy creating the characters and seeing where they'll go. I want people to read the book and like it. I want to make money from it. Each book will take at least a year to write, edit, contact a publisher, go through that process, and get it out there. It's a hassle. I get demoralized by trying to create and write the book. I have specific ideas for the book, but I don't want to take the time to populate the linking stories that bring the reader to the primary and secondary conflicts. I think it's isolating and not fun. I am afraid to set it up and just get caught up writing my story outlines instead of the actual story. I'm too tired most of the time and when I have free time I just want to have fun. This doesn't bring feelings of fun to me. I think I'd be good at it. I hate to read unless I find a rare book that captivates me. Full 30 minute episode cartoon series for 10 episodes I want people to watch it. I want to create a community of viewers for the show. I want to write funny stories and see how it develops. I want to make money from it. I love the characters I've created. I find the story I've imagined compelling. I've dreamed of making it for years. I'll feel disappointed and upset if I don't make it. It's such a hassle. I need to create scripts, learn to draw, learn to animate, voice act, sound effects, license music or create it on my own, create a pitch, meet with artists so I don't have to draw, pay animators thousands of dollars ($3,000 per minute of animation), find sound producers, dedicate hours and hours to this each day for years, contact networks, learn how to pitch my cartoon properly, keep having studio meetings for creativity and production, etc. It's such an overwhelming list and it makes me not enjoy a thing. I really just hate the thing and only do it because I think it's a good idea. I think I'd be good at it. I don't enjoy the process for any of the activities. I want to be a character in the show more than I actually want to create it. I feel like it's more of an obligation than a dream. YouTube channel with parody videos and rants I absolutely love the feeling I get when I make a parody of something. It makes me feel free and my truest self. I can relieve so much stress and create something I'm passionate about. I love laughing. I love making people laugh and I love the attention it brings me. I want to be funny and act things out. I want to portray the funny things I see in the serious and complicated sides of life. I want to cheer people up. I want to be that reality check in life to get people to stop worrying about their problems and just put a smile on their faces. It makes me feel good about myself in a positive way. I think it would be fun to film funny things and learn to edit them. I'm afraid to put myself out there. I get embarrassed easily. Stand up comedy routines I love making people laugh. I love socializing. I want to be connected to people and feel the energy in the room at my fingertips. I want to tell people my stories and explain how I see things in daily life. I want to bring a new light to comedy. A light that doesn't focus on the same cliche jokes revolving around religion, dating, politics, and gender differences. That's so fucking old. Get a new brain. I want the attention and I love to laugh. I want to push my boundaries and see where it goes. I felt amazing after my routine last April. I was excited for several days and felt so confident. People's laughter fuels my passion for life. I'm afraid of bombing and being a failure. I hate repeating the same jokes and I'm worried I'd have to keep doing that. I didn't like how nervous I got before going up on stage when I did it. Creating a funny podcast I want people to listen to me. I want to create something funny that people can turn on. I want to make money off of it. I want to do it with people so I can talk to them and socialize. I don't really want to do it alone. It's not as funny with other people. I don't have a concrete idea. I'm not really interested in just ranting about something. I just want to interact with others and feel like I'm part of a community. I'm not really interested in this now that I'm writing this bullet out. Creating a hockey website/Podcast I love hockey. It's my favorite thing in the world. I can talk about hockey all day and night. I love the Boston Bruins. I want to talk about them all day, learn about their history, watch the games, watch extra footage, share stories with other fans, celebrate with other fans and connect with them, and be more involved with it. I love the lore of the game, I love the jerseys, I love the passion of the game, and everything else involved. It's the greatest thing in the world in my opinion. Nothing is better than seeing the Boston Bruins win. It fills my heart with more joy than anything. Seeing them score and screaming for them is my favorite. If I created a committed hobby out of this I'd be worried about not wanting to watch the games as much. I'm afraid it's a niche market that nobody really cares about and wonder if it's a waste of time. Learning 3d modeling/Digital Art, Video Editing, Animation I think it would be cool to create something amazing in here. It would be cool to make a movie or something funny for people to watch. I really wanted to create 3D porn and I'm embarrassed to say that. It's a huge hassle and I don't really want to learn the software. I already learn so much software at work and do boring stuff on the computer. I don't really have a project I'm interested in creating. I just enjoy watching movies with cool effects but I don't really care for making them myself. It seems like a hassle and i don't feel like learning it. I'm intimidated by how much work it takes to learn. It doesn't really seem relaxing to me. It's more like stress and homework.I think I'd be good at it once I put the time in. I think the 3D porn would just get me into a weird rabbit hole. I'd be creating weird stuff that's not healthy. It would get me more addicted to porn and separate my sense of reality. I couldn't share it with anyone and if I met a woman I'd have to hide it from her. I also hate watching 3D porn. I feel sick after watching it. I don't understand why I want to watch it or make it. It might be my former addiction to video games and characters. I remember playing Dead or Alive 3 as a kid and the women had huge tits and no clothes and it was easy to be aroused by them. I used to draw my own nude versions of them as a kid and got very excited by doing this. 3D porn would be a huge passion for me probably, but I feel it would isolate me from true love. Yoga/Gym Both make me feel good afterwards. I enjoy not focusing on the day in front of me. I like the tranquility of yoga and the savasana afterwards. I like how quiet it is and how I can mentally recover. I like the feeling the stretching has on my body and how I can connect with the instructors. I like getting stronger after the gym. It fills me with confidence about my body and appearance. I also feel safer in a fight or if I need to lift something or perform better physically in various tasks. I love the way my body feels after pushing and pulling hard. Sometimes yoga feels like a hassle and I don't need it. I just want to relax sometimes with it. If I go too often I start to wonder if I'm stretching enough and making progress. I'm not getting better at it. That kind of defeats the purpose of yoga. It's supposed to be a mindful place of restoration. The gym pisses me off because the equipment I want to use might be taken. The music there is terrible. I get very angry about routines. I always feel like I'm never following the right routine. There are too many trainers who say they can teach you better things. I don't want to do different exercises each week for the same body parts. That being said I get bored of the gym easily. I might have better luck doing one thing for a month and switching. I also don't see a purpose in training. I don't want to cut or bulk and feel like I have no goals other than feeling good afterwards and most of the time I don't have time for that. It just feels like an obligation or a job. Rock Climbing I have so much fun climbing. I love going there and socializing with my friends. I like the variety of the climbs and the challenges they present me. I like to improve and try to climb new things. The routes are physically expressive and the rewards for climbing each route are great. I feel wonderful and get a huge feeling of accomplishment from climbing new routes. It's such a rush. I get very excited after climbing a new route. It makes me want to get stronger and more flexible to try new things and progress. I've met lots of friends there so far and just fit in real well with all of them. There's also lots of attractive women there who talk to you and you can connect with them quickly. I'm afraid of heights. I lose my strength sometimes if I don't use proper technique. It's very expensive. You can get hurt. Fantasy Hockey I like drafting a team and trying to win my league. It's creative and competitive. I like to play against my friends and talk hockey with all of them. I love tracking players and seeing how they develop. It gets me even more interested in hockey which I thought was impossible. I just love stats and learning about players. It gives me something to look forward to with hockey season and a quick escape from my day without being addicted. I forget to set my roster sometimes and it pisses me off lol. Nothing really. Sometimes a person stops setting their rosters and it's an instant win. Watching Hockey This is my favorite thing in the world. I love sitting down and watching a game whether it's alone or with others. I love listening to the announcer and color commentator tell the story of the game and discuss the events taking place. I love cheering for my favorite team. I love celebrating moments. I love the pace of the game. I love seeing the sport. It's fascinating to watch and has an amazing team flow. The physicality is admirable and heroic. It inspires you to live and enjoy life. Being a true fan makes you part of the team. I feel like I'm part of the team when they win or lose. I love cheering for them and I feel like they play and play for me. I feel like they can raise my spirits when I'm down. When they lose I'm in a terrible mood. This past spring we lost in the Stanley Cup finals and it was utterly heartbreaking. Just a disaster to lose after a magical year like that. It sickens me. Watching Movies and TV shows I love the feeling of being absorbed into a great show or movie. They can inspire me in so many ways. I love the way a good story comes together, great acting, perfect music for scenes, being surprised, falling in love with characters or their world, and just enjoy the effect they have on me. I can escape from reality, watch with friends, talk about them with friends, feel like I'm learning something, etc. Binge watching shows gives me brain fog so I try to avoid it. Thank you for reading. This took me 1.5 hours to write. I'll respond to it tomorrow when I read it with fresh eyes and talk about it with my therapist. I need this because I want to enjoy my time in life. I don't want to live to go to work. I want to have passions outside of work and outside of addictions to gaming in a community I love.

Writing is interesting in the way it helps you process your mentality. Some nights I want to write and there are stretches I only write on Saturdays to update my weekly count up. Healing is important and hopefully the headache left.

Thank you for this. I was honestly about to register for online communities to have sex partners. I'm not lying. I want to have sex so badly I can't stand it. I meet women very easily though and I met another one today in my apartment building so maybe there's hope there. But for something bigger like a relationship. I sometimes fantasize about finding sex partners online and then finding one I gel with and we end up dating after. Lots of people use these apps as casual flings and sidefucks that turn into something bigger. I wonder if that is what I need. I really just want to fuck around and meet someone. But it can be risky with STDs and children potential. Who knows how many people the people on these sites sleep with. I just lack a sense of purpose. Quitting work made me realize how important work was to making money and sustaining a healthy lifestyle with fewer issues regarding bills, housing, food, and products. It also provides a schedule and purpose for the day and potentially life. The issue is when I'm alone I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to doing. People say that hobbies are things you think about at work and can't wait to do. I had that feeling with video games and porn and just associated them with addiction. With that way of thinking I just assumed anything I'm excited about is just a distraction from work and an addiction I can't keep my mind off of doing. The way people describe their hobbies reminds me of addiction. They can't wait to do them. They think about them all the time. They create plans with them for the future. They feel wonderful while doing them. The difference is gaming made me sick. I wouldn't eat food, drink water, or sleep. I wouldn't do my responsibilities, and I wouldn't do anything except play. I couldn't stop playing. If I lost in the game I'd fight harder to persevere and win. I became the best in the world by my addicted work ethic. I got there with hate as well. I hated everyone else and wanted them to know I was the best and they can eat shit when they play me. I wanted to punish whoever I played and it made my ego swell. I was such an elitist. That's the difference. I want the passion and excitement that comes with creativity and play. I want to get ideas for things and do them healthily. I still don't understand the difference most of the time. The comedy ideas I want to do I just want to prove that I'm funnier than everyone else so others acknowledge me. I'll elaborate in another post.

I've reached a very frustrating part of my life. I don't want to do any of my fucking hobby interests. It's really pissing me off. I block aside time to work on things and I'm too tired and don't want to learn. It feels like I'm exhausted and don't want to do them at all. I get cranky and exhausted. Overwhelmed by the fact that I need to learn something new. My issues with my hobby interests: They feel like a second job They feel like I'm going back to college I feel like I have to learn a ton of information before I can even work on the projects I'm interested in Example: I want to create a cartoon. I have to learn modeling software, learn how to draw, learn how to sculpt, etc. The tutorials for these total up to 200-300 hours depending on the classes. Adobe photoshop, illustrator, after effects, premiere, how to use a tablet, how to draw, how to use blender2.8, how to create a youtube channel I don't have the confidence or patience to open blender and just start working on it. I just feel like there's too much to learn so I don't want to learn it. Nothing I'm doing is easy or provides any results. It's all projects that take years. I like rock climbing and axe throwing because I can just do them and learn as I go and feel like I'm making progress. I have small goals like climbing 15 feet and that's it. I don't have that with these hobbies. My current hobby list: 3 books Full 30 minute episode cartoon series for 10 episodes YouTube channel with parody videos and rants Stand up comedy routines Creating a funny podcast Creating a hockey website Creating a hockey podcast again These interests are overwhelming. I also just want to have sex. I know this is a strange segway from hobbies, but sexual frustration has definitely gotten into my head. I just feel so crushed by my need for it. I want a girlfriend. I want affection, a partner, romance, fun, exploring one another, etc. Oddly enough I'm not craving porn. I haven't even wanted to pmo or break. I've inadvertently begun nofap when my goal was to just stop watching porn. I had the idea that I'd just do the natural thing when urges came, but I'm not craving anything. I've had zero video game cravings, zero porn cravings, and zero fap cravings whatsoever. Not even junk food. I'm not craving anything at all. I'm either healing or heading to a depression. I think I'm healing? Anyone have suggestions? I can't seem to narrow these hobbies.

You're taking on too much right now. You said it already in multiple posts. Something that helped me when I was in a similar position to you back in May and June of this past year was that I actually got my old job back. It took the financial burden away from me. It's difficult to be creative when you keep getting bills. Your gaming pattern tells me you are overwhelmed by life and want to escape. The habit of you playing shows that internally you want to fight as hard as possible to get out of it. You feel trapped almost by this situation. So you're vigorously playing the game and it's providing action when you feel like you need action most. All of these side hobbies can be draining more than recharging in times like these. We all fail and we all bounce back up. Sometimes when we can't bounce back we need someone else or something else to provide some momentum for us to get out of our darkest places. Finding another job will allow you to have financial security and take up some of your day. I know you didn't like your old job, but I think we all crave structure and activity during the day. It is a reason why so many people are addicted to gaming when they don't have a job. (I'm writing this assuming you're not at that job anymore. I could be wrong. I apologize if I am.) I'd be less hard on yourself. You went almost 3 months without games and porn. That's awesome. The failure you feel right now will give you strength eventually. I'd say take some action into reducing your stresses. Take on a new job to ease the financial burden. I also think you should find a new hobby that isn't Krav Maga. I know it is huge for you, but it seems to be hurting you physically and has lead to multiple relapses for you as you've tried to recover. Would you ever consider a less demanding physical hobby that could be done? Could you do swimming, rock climbing, running, yoga, boxing without fighting, etc.? The physical activity is so important to us in our recovery. I still beat myself up for not trying harder with my dream of cartoon writing and podcasting, but the fact that I have my old job back gives me the security blanket of financial stability that I needed so badly. Now I can take an incredibly slow time to find my real hobbies if needed. I think this approach could be yours as well. You might even appreciate your new job more because of the struggles you're facing right now. Edit: I remember that you're still on medical leave from work for exhaustion and mental illness recovery. My apologies. I wonder if returning to the office instead of relaxing could be beneficial to you. If you see a comment in my post about getting the job back, just switch it to either returning to the office or getting a new job.

Good luck on your path. My advice is quitting only one thing at once. It's very difficult to quit all at once. You should spend some time studying yourself and understand why you play games and watch porn. They'll be different for each addiction. Is it loneliness? Need a release from stress? Feeling of achievement or acceptance? Keep thinking and be very patient and compassionate with yourself. I was able to quit video games and social media because I discovered I only played for social interaction. I spend time with friends multiple times per week now and have some activities like board games and rock climbing to stay away from games. I was able to stay away from social media because I hate other people for the most part and I was tired of reading stupid statuses and opinions from people who shouldn't be talking in my opinion. Porn I'm over a week free because I'm starting to date women in person and I'm tired of hurting my feelings. I want love and affection in person, not online. Good luck.

Thanks for reading and the support! Welcome to the page and if you have any questions or need advice just ask. My posts are very open and honest. Good luck and I'll check your thread out as well.

Today I'm 49 weeks free from gaming, 51 weeks free from social media, and 1 week free from porn. I feel like I've made so much progress and also feel like I have so much more left to do. I spent most of today axe throwing, bowling, and hanging out with friends. It was really nice. The issue is when I got home I really felt frustrated because I wanted to keep having fun without changing pace. This is why I loved video games. I could just keep playing and playing. I think I need to be mindful today. If I can relax a bit today and watch the sports team I like then maybe I can ease into another fun night of hobbies. I'd like to figure out my nightly routines. I want to try either sculpting or an art project tonight. Writing could also be an option. I'd like to give myself the confidence to keep going and be interested in something other than porn and gaming on my own. I just want to do everything as a social thing and I don't know why I want/need that. I just love being around people. There's just lots of times I sacrifice my personal interests to do something social and I don't really feel good about doing that.

What did you study and how is the socializing impacting you?

I've found some quiet this week in my mind. I haven't watched porn since last Saturday. I think I'll do the weekly countups like I've been doing with video games. I didn't realize how tired I've been. I've been coming home and relaxing most nights. I have also made it a point to do a minimum of 10 minutes of hobbies each day so I can build the habits. I'd like to rewire the rest of my brain. I think video games granted me a sense of achievement and social interaction where porn gives me instant gratification and fake connection with women. I've been socializing and having achievement at work which has diminished the cravings for video games so much. I now spend more time each week with women while rock climbing and socializing. I am starting to understand a little more what I'm looking for in a relationship. My goal for quitting porn is rewiring my brain to understand instant gratification is not the way of life. I've gotten better over the year and I'd like to take it to another level. Over time my goal is to understand long term work and achievement helps bring a greater gratification, will power, and determination. Patience. Next Saturday is a big day for me. It will mark 1 year without Facebook or social media. in 3 Saturdays it will be 1 year without facebook. This Saturday it will be 1 week without porn. Interesting month ahead! I do want to add that I keep seeing things on YouTube that people make that I've wanted to make for months. They get millions of views. I really need to start doing my ideas before they are all gone.