BooksandTrees

I hear you. Porn is so intoxicating. It's ridiculous. Something that kind of helped me has been understanding how I feel afterwards. It's hollow. I also watched a few documentaries called "Life After Porn". Warning because there is sensitive content and nudity in there. The reason I appreciated it was a lot of the porn stars said they wanted to wait to have sex until marriage, etc. after being in there. I don't necessarily believe that for myself, but I do think it has impact on me because I used to think you had to please a woman the way they do in porn and most of the porn stars actually dislike the way they're treated in porn. That it is fake and not actual love making. I have learned that now, but when I first watched it in 2012 it really made a lasting impression on me. Myers-briggs is interesting. I'm an ENTJ-T for turbulent commander. I thought the write-up from 16 personalities was very accurate when describing me, but I won't let it mold my life either. I want to trust my heart as well. It's an interesting science for sure.

Congrats on hitting 30 days! I'm so happy you're feeling hope. Community is very important. This community kickstarted my progress and I found other communities in real life afterwards that have made my life more well rounded. I hope you find some as well! Just be patient because some stick and some don't. Just takes a bit of experimentation.

Thank you for the kind post! I appreciate you taking the time to read it. I really hope I'm able to help and feel glad when I do! I just figured it would be helpful to give some tips to people if they were curious and maybe it might help just one person.

Welcome back to the forums! I'm looking forward to reading your journey and seeing what strategies and lifestyle methods you'll be developing to conquer this addiction.

Lol that's really funny. It works though! I can't wait to read the book when you write it.

It's gonna be ok. You've been doing such a good job on your journey. Sometimes we hit these low points and life feels mundane or even a burden. You've transformed your life so much from previous habits. It's because you love yourself that you're making all of these changes in the first place. What seems to be going wrong at work and everything else? You don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable, but we are here and support you. Take a walk, get some fresh air, and think about ways in the future that could possibly be better stress relievers. Maybe a boxing class or something to unload some anger?

Good luck on your journey. I find porn to be so much more difficult to quit than video games it's not even a contest. I think you've been doing a great job over the past few years on here and I hope you continue to keep it up. I believe in you and also think you've been a great role model for our community.

I see your irritability right here. You took 2 minutes to read my post and attack me for it. If you read my quote correctly I say "If you find yourself riled up..." where "IF" is implied in a situation of anger. After your response here I am done speaking to you on this website. That was very rude. I understand you're going through the early stages of quitting games, but that was uncalled for when I've been very kind to you on this website and your forum post. You asked for an opinion and I described it. I didn't accuse you of feeling something. I'm challenging you to investigate your emotions of anger and break it down so you can answer your own question about your anger and feel better about it. After this response I think you do have an anger problem.

You have to do some deep introspection here. What about these dungeon challenges made you angry? Break that down. Then think about your life. Are you in a situation in life, or have you experienced many situations in life, where you constantly don't succeed in ways you wish you would? If this happens, do people around you benefit from it? Do you wish your life was different where you would have a husband, better job, more interests, and see yourself in a better light? I ask these questions because a lot of gamers have aspirations to be better humans. They want more friends, better friends, a better body, a better life, more money, a better job, etc. They don't make the changes necessary in life and often use gaming as an escapism to hide from their anger and issues in life. This anger is deep-seeded after years of swallowing their aspirations. Each year they put these aspirations for a better life on hold they get more angry. When people play video games as an escape from their feelings of shame and regret for not living a better life they expect pure happiness and relaxation. The issue is when someone messes up in a dungeon or on a team and you lose a game you were looking forward to playing. Then you erupt on them with anger you normally never see. That's why I bring up introspection. If you see yourself riled up with visceral hatred and lamenting others in ways you'd normally never act, then I challenge you to investigate your emotions and see whether or not you're harboring any ill will towards yourself for decisions you are ashamed of or regret making or not making. I'm in no way saying you have what I just described. I had what I described. You asked us if gaming changed our moods. That is my answer for you. It's worth thinking about. Maybe you have the same thing. I know you're introspective enough to be patient and understand yourself so I'm curious to see what you think. Spend a few days or weeks thinking about this. Maybe even see a therapist to delve deeper into your life if you aren't already speaking to one. That really helped me. Good luck

Thank you. I've been very surprised by the level of support and attention I've received over the past year from our community. Lol didn't I tell you about "HALTED" on discord??? Hunger, anger, loneliness, tired, environmental effects (bad office situation or living situation, or you're feeling like you're gonna relapse so just leave the house or listen to a song to change your mental mindset), and dehydration that can cause mood swings. If we sink into a depression or anxiety issue and need to turn to gaming or porn then check those 6 boxes first.

I think it's so difficult to live with your parents. They're used to you being a subordinate and you're tired of being a subordinate, but you both love each other as family outside of that hierarchy. As angry I've been with my mom and dad I can now say I no longer hate them. I can speak with both freely now and that is fine with me. My only advice is remain patient, offer a weekly meeting with them to discuss communication and task issues you guys are having, and try to work on it from there.

Lol thank you! I share the same thing. I really had to overcome a major anger problem this year without gaming to hide it and it made me feel shame with how angry I was getting. This brought some perspective and I was able to change. I appreciate the help.

Today I'm 1 year free from video games. 52 weeks. I'm not stopping here. I'm also 54 weeks free from social media. I'm not stopping here either. I wanted to write and reflect on my brief journey quitting video games. You can all read my introduction as to why I quit gaming. It's linked in my first post on this thread. I don't need to re-type it. I want to thank @Cam Adair for creating this website. I was so hesitant to sign up and commit to quitting video games because it was all I knew in life. Nothing made me happier or filled me with purpose like gaming. All my friends were gamers and my whole world was on the computer. I never left the house, never dated, never developed myself into much aside from college and getting a job. I always just looked forward to being home and playing games and not living my life. At first I was ashamed of that, but shame is a word you learn to say as little as possible when you're in therapy and trying to improve your life. Shame and regret are two of the biggest negative emotions you can feel and they often attribute to relapse and emotional spirals into deeper depression and anxiety. Quitting video games would force me to confront these emotions, develop strategies to deal with them, and studying myself to be truly introspective. I want to thank @Phoenixking for being my oldest and often times my most supportive friend in this community. You've been there in some of my worst and best moments and offered your opinion to me. I value your words and appreciate the kindness. I also want to thank @Vera, @Mouxine, @Ikar, @Silverlining, and @goodvibes for always talking to me and listening to me. I have appreciated your openness on the forums and discord (I don't really use discord anymore). It is nice to have a community who is there for me and also allows me to be there for them. I enjoy listening to your stories and getting to know you. I always want to see you succeed. There are other members of the community who have commented off and on to keep me going. I just wanted to highlight the ones who have consistently been there for me and really pulled me up when I fell down along the way. Quitting games is something special for me. After you read my Introduction Post and learn about my childhood, comeback story, dealing with abuse, and then follow along my insane year you'll know how much this means to me. Gaming was my crutch. It was my place to hide. It was my place to live when I couldn't live and felt trapped. It was the outlet for all of my frustration and the source of my power. For me to turn away from gaming after it brought me this far has been so difficult. I just refuse to be controlled and dependent on something that isn't me. When people, companies, and societies failed me and left me alone I couldn't take it anymore. I got so angry with the routine of being depressed, anxious, angry, filled with hate, and sad only to retreat to my bedroom and play on the computer. I'd play games with other miserable people. I'd throw myself into the toxic communities of gaming. I was so tired of people picking fights with me in random games because they thought it was funny. I was tired of trying to do amazing things in games and not have it matter to me. I was the best player in EA Sports NHL for 4 years, ran 2 clans on RuneScape for 11 years, and I was the best Grifball Player in Halo Reach for 2 years. I was on an elite team for Halo Swat mode on xbox live and was about to make a push to study and dedicate my time to trying to become a pro Overwatch player. None of it mattered. Nobody cares when you're that good at a game. They want you on your team, they want your attention so they can get attention from others that they're playing with you, they pretend to be your friends and abandon you the minute you're not the best. Being the best in the world meant nothing to me. I got nothing out of it emotionally. I reached my plateau in gaming when my college friends were meeting women, getting married, having kids, and traveling the world on vacation. I was alone with fake friends. Even my friends from college who played video games were fake friends. They just want to have me over, play Super Smash, beat me in it, get angry at me if they lose because they are judging me and want to put me down, and then drink beer after. I detached myself from this. I was tired of playing games for 18-24 hours straight from Friday afternoon to Saturday afternoon and then 16 hours on Sundays. I was tired of going home after work and playing for 6 hours and not sleeping. I was tired of feeling numb afterwards and turning to porn to feel a little more alive. I was tired of not eating 3 meals each day. I was tired of having physical and mental withdrawals from not getting instant gratification. I was tired of being lonely and knowing my friends were pathetic. I was tired of how lazy video game players are. They don't clean, they don't cook, they don't socialize in real life, they don't pursue hobbies, and they don't care about you. Some do, but most don't. I don't care if you're one of the few who do care. I've been gaming for 20+ years and know enough to be satisfied with my statement above. I want love. I want to love life. I want to wake up and know in my heart that nothing is pulling me to play games. Addiction has this invisible force in our brains which gives you anxiety if you're not playing games. You feel like you can't stand the quiet of being alone. You can't stand the fact that you're going to have to deal with your thoughts and your pain without drowning it out and forgetting. I grew tired of the cravings. I went into my own detox out of anger. I was tired of failing. I was tired of not being confident enough to make friends and find more well rounded hobbies. Never again was I going to lay in bed at 7 AM trying to fall asleep after playing games for almost a day straight. Malnourished from not eating food or drinking enough water. Physically confused and mentally exhausted due to too much focusing on games and dopamine rushes and depleted serotonin levels. I was tired of crying myself to sleep in the morning when others were waking up about to start their days. I was tired of letting myself down and harboring thoughts of myself being a failure. Shame, regret, and failure. It's so easy to blame yourself and hate yourself. I learned a long time ago that I loved myself. In my Introduction Story I highlighted the moment where I almost commit suicide, but felt the strongest wave of love from my heart prevent me from doing it. I loved myself. I'll never forget that. When I was at my worst I was there to pick myself back up when I had nobody. This gave me confidence in trusting myself to get through addiction. When I have nobody I'll have myself. My spirit is stronger than anyone else's spirit because I believe it and proved it to myself. That's the attitude we need to quit gaming. Quitting an addiction is tough. Most of the time you fight these demons alone. Communities like GameQuitters are important in giving people structure, community, and hope for when we absolutely need help. If someone were to ask me how I have been able to quit video game addiction I would say a few things: You need to recognize you have a problem. Are you hiding from your life and yourself? Are you playing so much each day that you neglect everyone around you and your life? Do you continue to play even though you don't want to play anymore? Do you suffer withdrawal when you're not playing? Is it all you can think about? Is it what you turn to in life for happiness, success, friendship, and purpose? Are you filled with in-explainable brain fog when you're not gaming and don't feel mentally clear? Then you have a problem. Stop playing cold turkey. Don't try to quit for 30-90 days and then go back to it. It won't work and you will fail. Eventually you will recede and go back into bad habits of gaming, escapism, and depression. I've seen so many people on this website, including myself, say with confidence that they are going to try gaming in moderation and they all fail. They all come back and say they failed. I failed. I quit gaming from April of 2018 until September 1st of 2018. It's in the first 3 pages of this diary. I did it and then just went back to old habits. By October I was playing 18 hours straight again and getting so angry. In the middle of October I had such an enraged moment where I just removed myself from gaming and realized I let myself down. I knew I had the power to quit gaming if I made it 4 months before this. I needed to keep going. I loved my life when I quit gaming and wanted the rest of my life to be even better. Understand why you are playing video games. If you consider your emotional/mental balance to be a building, then consider video games a support column holding up that building. If you remove the column the building will fall. You depend on gaming for happiness and emotional balance. That's not healthy. I played games because I wanted friends, needed to feel purpose in life, wanted something I could do that I was good at, and wanted a place to escape. To counter this, I found multiple hobbies that are only done in communities such as yoga, rock climbing, board game nights, recreational sport leagues, group hiking, book clubs, movie nights, cooking parties, boxing, you name it. Some stuck and some I hated. I now have tons of friends though and they all care about me more than the gamer friends. The hardest part of finding a new hobby is being bad at it. We all used to suck at video games at first, but eventually we became great. It sucks being bad again - especially if you were the best in the world at something else. Allow yourself to fail at a hobby and be bad. We refuse to because we are ashamed of ourselves in the first place. Behavioral therapy has taught me how to deal with embarrassment, shame, regret, and failure. I also took my job more seriously and became a lot better at it. I'm professionally recognized now. Don't rely on just willpower to quit. Willpower only gets you so far. If you don't study yourself and have introspection then you will fail at quitting an addiction. You have to do what I mentioned in step 3 in order to quit. You have to understand why you are addicted. I haven't craved video games in over 8 months because I replaced my sources of friendship, success, and happiness from gaming to other things. I no longer crave games and don't need to rely on willpower at all. I no longer crave anything. I'm very proud of myself for quitting this far and continue to keep going. Gaming is evil in my eyes. I dislike most gamers. I dislike the gaming community, and I dislike game companies. I want my mind to be free for the rest of my life and I'll make sure it happens. Thank you everyone for being here along the way with me. If I can do it so can you. I'll even follow you along the way. Matt

I'd suggest never dating a coworker as it will lead to one of if not both of you leaving your office. I'd try to meet someone while doing a meetup hobby or have friends take pictures of you during your hobbies and get a few photos of you. One is a good photo of just you from the waist up looking directly at the camera, a couple hobby ones, a travel one, and one with friends. That's my suggestion if you ever decide to try it eventually.

Why are you making a new journal each post? I think if you post in one you'll gain some people who are willing to read and help you with your journey. It will be hard to track your progress. I don't mean to be rude. I'm just providing some advice to help you be more successful.

Having these routines is important because when we have bad days we can rely on them to get us through the day.

I love how balanced you are and how aware you are with your emotions and mentality. This is something I've been developing for quite some time and I really appreciate reading your introspection. Not many people here are introspective and honest about it and I feel that's why they relapse with gaming addiction. I'm not trying to look down on them either. I just think you need to make a concerted effort to understand yourself, why you game, and why you act certain ways. I appreciate it! Your hobbies seem correct. I think you're off to the right approach. Keep experimenting and you know you'll be ok based on your self awareness.

I agree. I think you and I have very similar ideals regarding our time. My energy levels guide my activities and it took me a while to learn that. Your old roommate sounds great. I honestly love hanging out with people to work on hobbies. My artists come over and we work on drawing and writing together. It's hard to do a more creative first date I feel. But I'm working it. I'm currently doing research on the website photofeeler to study what kinds of photos look good and how I can display myself better. Until then I'm just going to wait for real life things. I'm very confident and easy to get along with so I'm not too worried. I just want to learn how to invite someone on a date that I want to do instead of panicking and thinking they might be bored.

Hey I've been doing well! Hope you're doing well, man. Been a while! I actually did that as a hobby, but 3 people joined who I dislike and I haven't been in weeks.

One of the frustrating experiences I've had while quitting games is how expensive it has been for me. Some gamers buy multiple games and that becomes expensive, but I only paid $5 per month for RuneScape and $60 per year for xbox live when I gamed. That was all of my entertainment cost and I was fine. I'd also eat less because I was so addicted that I never ate food and got sick from it. My new hobbies are expensive. Rock climbing is $120/month, eating out with friends can cost up to $400/month since everyone just wants to eat out, concerts are anywhere from $12 to $150 each, movies are $15 per ticket, vacation is expensive, yoga is $15 per class, and my gym memberships is $20/month. I don't really seem to find cheaper hobbies that enjoyable. I like the 3D modeling idea and making funny videos (software subscription is $35/month). I also like making my own website (hosting fees are $10/month). The issue with these hobbies is they are lonely hobbies. I only seem to enjoy activities and hobbies I can do with others in a group or in a game setting. I'm making money at work to cover these costs. The issue is I'm tired of spending this much right now. I want to save more money. This year has just been stressful because I was in so many weddings and people can't seem to fucking have a wedding close to you. You gotta pay hundreds for travel, give them a gift of a few hundred dollars, rent a suit (suits have been more expensive than the bridesmaids gowns for all of my weddings as well funny enough), then dance to the same songs with people you hate seeing and eat crappy mass-catered food that isn't special. Plus, I've been dating a bit and as the male you're expected to pay for every fucking meal and activity. I get offers to help pay from my date, but in the instances where I've taken her offer to split the check, she later criticizes me when I break things off with her lol. "I can't believe you had me split a meal!" Heard this from two women I dated this year. So I haven't been able to really win. I need to do a better job next year regarding spending. I'm going to decline every wedding party I am invited to join, I'm going to stop eating out more than once per week tops, I'm going to cook all of the food I buy and not let it spoil due to laziness to cook after defrosting it, I'm going to cancel the gym membership I don't use (I have a free one in my apartment), and I'm going to find less expensive alternatives for activities with my friends. Some of my friends just want to bounce around different restaurants to talk so they can drink beer and coffee. I think I'm just gonna brew coffee and have them bring beer if they want a beer. Life doesn't need to be this expensive. My main gripe for costs is I want to own a house one day and at this rate I won't own one for another 5-10 years. I'd like to be ready in the next 3 years because the housing market is going to crash in the United States and I'd like to be able to take advantage and buy something at an affordable price. The market is very high right now and has remained this high for 1-2 years. It's going to drop at some point. (I'm not here to discuss politics or marketing. I'm not going to talk to you about it. These are just my thoughts through research.) The twist to this goal is that buying a house might be a bad idea unless I have a fiance or wife who wants to live in it with me. Living alone could add to the loneliness I've felt. I enjoy my current apartment so I'm fine for a few years here. I always have a 5 year plan in mind though.

I'll try to find it, but it will take some digging. I have almost 25 pages of posts lol. I've just found friends from hobbies like Rick climbing, board games, and work to be more dynamic, empathetic, and wholesome than people I've met online. It irks me how I could spend 6 to 18 hours a day talking to people and right when I quit it's like they never knew me. It's such a hollow feeling. I deserve better than that. We all do.

Thanks guys. I think I'm just a little worn out after a busy stretch at work with that tough assignment and dealing with 2 bad coworkers. But I was lauded as a hero for saving the project by all my managers and coworkers. I take great pride in that. I'd like to do something this weekend to celebrate 1 year without gaming and recharge a bit. I'll find someone eventually.

Thank you as well for sharing and the kind words. It's a good community here! We're in a good place. I'll follow along for sure.

Sorry to hear about your brain injury and the affair. I can't imagine what that is like to go through. But I know it is proof that you are strong enough to quit gaming. You mentioned mindfulness earlier. I had an issue when quitting video games where I'd try using only willpower, hate, and anger to stay away. I'd hate the video game community, their memes, lifestyle, and myself due to regret of not living a better life and shame of being a failure in my eyes. This lead to anxiety and anger pulled me out of it. It also made me very sick. Mindfulness and therapy helped me release my hate and anger. I learned how to recognize my emotions and then change my thoughts. This lead me to investigate why I felt shame and regret instead of using anger to avoid those feelings. I then understood why I played video games as a form of escapism and a safe place to socialize. I realized what I was missing in my life and also why I needed it. Therapy allowed me to be a detective and interrogate myself for answers and understanding how I made decisions. This all played into more mindfulness. I could now understand my thoughts, calm my emotions, reduce stress and anxiety, and also appreciate my achievements in life. Most importantly, I gave myself the ability to be in the moment: right here, right now. Anxiety doesn't let you do that. It takes time. Good luck on your adventure. This Saturday will be a year without gaming for me. If I can do it then so can you. We all can.

Something that helped with morning issues for me was realizing I felt depressed and less motivated to do activities during the day if I masturbated or watched porn in the mornings. It's different than having sex with a lover in the morning because they're real and your body releases certain chemicals during it, but when you're alone it just acts differently and it makes me lethargic and uninterested. I got upset about this and stopped. I hate hurting my own feelings.